Meet Lyra
Give her a running tackle hug inside the home and say 'Thank you' over and over again.
Can't possibly be worse than facing the lavender purple destroyer of worlds.
So go on inside!
I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
I get my ass over there as fast as I can. Any port in a storm, right?
He runs in, tackling her inside her home, shutting and locking the door behind her and says "I will give you 10 minutes to do whatever you want with my hands other than mutilating them or removing them from my body to put onto yours if you hide me from Twilight and Applejack and help me find a pair of pants. Or at the very least a stylish enough skirt to be able to pass it off as a kilt."
Step 1: Run into her house and begin kissing her hooves in thanks.
Step 2: Compliment her selection of wallpaper.
Step 3: While she says "thank you" in response grab a banana and demand that she tell you her name
Hey atleast you remembered your manners
well if you dont go in, twilight is likely to find you and rape you in which you lose both your virginity and dignity as a man.
Pony who knows what you are? Seems trustworthy. Go inside.
Accept help if she assure me I'll live to see the sunshine.
Run inside and ask for a pair of pants. Well, at least something that could pass off as pants. Hide until Twilight Sparkle leaves. Thank the pony for allowing you to hide. Then leave, hoping against hope himself that no one notices you.
run inside, and hope she doesn't plan on molesting you, although you're too worried to care at this moment, any shelter is better than none, right? right!?
Run inside then show your appreciation
Quickly Run inside and find some pants to put on. Lyra is bound to have some right?
Your inner Admiral Ackbar yells "ITS A TRAP!" But you ignore it and go inside anyway.
I got nothing other than accept her offer.
"The fact that this pony actually knows what you are speaks for itself; get into the safehouse!! Flee the oncoming storm! Graciously accept her hospitality, and if she is in fact trying to do something...unsavory to you, it can't POSSIBLY be worse than the combined wrath of Twilight Sparkle and Applejack."
Go inside Lyra's house. When Lyra inevitably starts going on a human obsessed rant, agree with all her requests and demands.
Go into the house and try to befriend the unicorn, when the inevitable happens you're going to need someone for backup.
At this point it is safe to assume that the vote is unanimous. With no other options left to do you have to make your way across the street to her house. But how to go about it without any other ponies noticing you?
You remove the lid of the box, and place it over yourself. Now hidden, you slowly make your way towards the new unicorn.
Assuming you still have apples you should go in with her. If push comes to shove use the fruit for self defense and/or as intimidation. Then use a cardboard box to solid snake away.
OF COURSE! Now you remember what you meant by "hind solid snake style." Of course you still know that hind is another term for a type of helicopter but you get the idea.
Carefully so as not to attract attention, you slowly remove the lid of the box you're hiding behind only to see that it is empty. Perfect! You carefully flip the box over and hide yourself under it, just like Solid Snake would. Unfortunately there isn't a hole in the box for you to see out of, so you'll just have to rely on your instincts. Slowly and stealthily, you move forward out in the street again with the box over you. Just like Solid Snake would.
A few moments later, after you've slowly walked across the street, stopping every once in a while to avoid suspicion. If there's one thing you learned from the Metal Gear Solid games its that while the box is one of the best sneaking methods available, its not foolproof, and most enemies take exception to seeing a moving box. With that in mind, you move slowly and stop every once in a while to avoid suspicion.
Eventually, you lift the box up a little bit to see where you are. Thankfully, the house and the mind green unicorn are less than a few feet away from you. Seriously you could reach out and touch them. She slides out of the way of the door as if to let you in.
You need no further incentive, you flip the box up over your head and leap through the door like its your last leap for freedom, which it very well may be. The second you get through the door, the mint green unicorn quickly shuts the door and locks it. You made it.
Give her a running tackle hug inside the home and say 'Thank you' over and over again.
I'm with the guy below me
Give her a running tackle hug inside the home and say 'Thank you' over and over again.
The mint green unicorn lets out a sigh of relief as she closes the door behind you. You don't even waste a second and give her a tackle hug which takes you both to the ground.
"Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!" You say over and over again as you hug her like you would a teddy bear. As you're saying this, you hear from her what you can only describe as a "fangirl squeal."
Eventually, you let go of her and get back up, as does she. As she looks up at you, you see a sparkle in her eyes like she's discovered the mother load. She also has a huge smile on her face, but its not the same as Twilight's.
"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!" She says to you in an excited tone as she looks you up and down. Then out of nowhere she starts bouncing around you, yes bouncing. "A human! A real life human! I can't believe I've finally met a real life human!" Whoever she is, she seems excited about you, if only for the fact that you're a human. After her second lap around you she stops in front of you and grabs your right hand with both her forehooves and begins to shake it furiously. "My name's Lyra Heartstrings. And I am so so so so so so so so so so happy to meet you!" She adds another fangirl like squeal at the end there as she keeps shaking your hand. Seriously she's shaking it so furiously you think it might come right off.
After a few moments of furious shaking though, she stops and looks at your right hand, which she's still holding between her hooves.
"Ooooooooooo," she says as she eyes it closely. The way she seems to be looking at it is a little weird, so you pull your hand back. That doesn't stop her though, she just looks back up at you with that same gleeful look. Out of nowhere, she begins bombarding you with questions.
"Where are you from? What's the human world like? I hear you have carriages that move on their own, do you have one? What do you humans do? Do you have ponies in your world? What sorts of things do you do with your hands? How do you..."
"Woah woah woah..." You politely cut her off as she rapidly fires off one question after another. After you speak, she stops and looks up at you with a curious look on her face. She looks kind of disappointed. You decide you don't want to be rude to this pony, especially after she went out of your way to help you. So you politely explain that you have no idea how you got here or what is going on. You really have no idea what is going on.
"Oh," she replies as she takes all that in. She's still not taking her gaze off of you. Suddenly, you get an idea.
"Tell you what," you say to her. "If you help me answer my questions I'll answer whatever questions you want about the human world." Suddenly, the gleeful look on her face returns.
"Deal!" She says as she walks on over to her couch. You follow her. She hops up on her couch and sits on it in a similar manner to the way you would. Which is kind of strange since she is a pony, but you don't think much of it. You sit down next to her in the same way.
"What do you want to know?" She asks you.
This is perfect, not only have you found shelter from the insane pony chasing you, but you found a unicorn who is willing to answer whatever questions you may have.
What do you ask her?
Also to answer comments like this.
Again, the character would know who all of these ponies are, he was on fimfiction.net, he's obviously a brony.
All I said was that he was on fimfiction, I never said he was a brony. 
Plus, its funnier this way when he doesn't know anything and has to figure it out himself. At least that's how I see it. So yeah.
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Got any Human clothing I can wear?
Here are a couple questions to ask:
Is that purple pony always that crazy?
May I have something to cover myself up?
And finally, Why are you all so darn cute!?
Can you make me some pants?
Why are you so interested in humans? I've got to know why! And do you have any pants perhaps?
Do you have pants I can wear, Miss Heartstrings?
Ask her about if they can mate.
What can you tell me about the purple pony that was chasing me? I'm not going to lie... she sort of scares me a little.
You ask "Do you know where in the world Carmen Sandiego- I mean, I am?"
1. Ask her to stop ogling you, she is obvoulsy obsessed with humans. It doesnt help that your nekked
2. Does she have anything to help cover your junk like pants or something you could make into a stylish kilt or toga? If she does you say you will pet her with your ever so amazing hands if she was to give you said item.
3. how do ponies hold things withought fingers and hands?
4. Ponies seem to have telekenisis. Ask if a unicorn was to sit on a chair, then levitate the chair they are sitting on, would they be able to fly?
5.She seems to be enjoying the petting a little too much, you think she may have a hand fetish. may want to stop now.
Why are you ponies so damn cute.
"Do you have any pants?"
Ask her where you might retrieve a Hind helicopter so you can fly it Solid Snake style
Do you have pants? Also do you have anything i can use to get twilight the world eater of my back?
1. Why is Twilight trying to rape me.
2. clothes.
3. way to get home.
start petting her! if she asks, just tell her that too darn cute and adorable!
Where am I and how do I get home?
ASK FOR PANTS.
Just as you are about to ask her something.... Bon Bon walks into the room....
Or
First things first, ask her for some pants
Wanna get high
1. Do you have any pants?
2. Can you hide me from the insane purple unicorn?
3. You're not going to rape me,,,are you?
,,,are you?!
Pants would be nice
why in blue blazes would i be bought here? is there a shortage of guys or something?
Got any pants I can wear?
Why is the purple unicorn trying to rape me?
Why am I in equestria?
first, ask for some f***ing pants, you look like a jackass running around with no pants on.
Second, get some info about the purple unicorn and orange pony you pissed off.
1 Where the flying tits am I?
2 How did i get here?
3 (and most importantly) where are my pants?
"Why was that purple unicorn trying to rape me and why did she freak out when I ripped her book?" Also ask for a sheet or something to make a toga.
DO YOU HAVE ANY FOOD?
Suddenly Twilight busts out through Lyra's roof with the following articles of... objects on her: a cape on her back, an orange impaled on her horn, a ketchup stain on her upper thigh, honey in her unkempt mane, and sporting a maddening grin that would make the Joker proud of her.
She then says "HERE'S TWILY!" while behind her Shining Armor's head pops out of a small jar that wouldn't fit him while he is sporting a Twily face.
"Okay first off I want some pants
Second Why am I trying to be raped by a purple psycho?
Thirdly... can I use your bathroom?"
And then Twilight appears and says "Here's Twily" while the music: House of leaves plays
How safe are we here? Why are you so curious about humans? How do you know about humans? Why are you so willing to help me knowing that at least one other pony is chasing me for some strange reason?
1. Do you have any pants?
2. Can you hide me from the insane purple unicorn?
3. You're not going to rape me,,,are you?
,,,are you?!
Lyra. Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra. Lyra Lyra Lyra, Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra. Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra Lyra...
...you seem to be dreary after all that energy and are having trouble recalling what's she's saying. In fact, you feel quite dizzzzzzzzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee.........
.......How long does it take to respawn?
are you going to try to rape me like the purple one?
1. how do you know what a human is?
2.You wouldn't happen to have any pants would you?
3. Why is the destroyer of worlds trying to rape me?
4.You aren't going to try and rape me are you?.... are you?!
Woohoo, got picked again! 2-for-5. Hitting .400 lol. TIME FOR ANOTHER HOME RUN. ...Not. Let's see...what hasn't already been said that would be ridiculous yet plausible...hrm...
"Lyra, let me stay here for a while and I'll teach you how to play rock-paper-scissors. Seriously, it's great. You'll love it." Ehehe...
1) You wouldn't happen to have some kind of magically amplified weapon that I could use to defend myself against the crazy purple one in the event that I run into her again, do you?
2) How the hell do you know what I am? Was there some kind of epic final war between the humans and the ponies that resulted in our extinction and now the dominant species is said ponies, of which you are one of the few fascinated with us?
Do you believe in magic?
Are you my mummy?
Doctor WHO?
Can I have your sweetroll?
This world has Pepperoni Pizza, right? RIGHT?!
Do you lift?
I carefully peer out the window to see if the purple unicorn and her friend have gotten closer to finding me then turn to Lyra and ask,
"Why is that unicorn following me? why am I here? what is here? and why did you help me?"
1. What... is your name?
2. What... is your quest?
3. What... is the speed of an unladen sparrow?
ask her for a safe place to curl up, rock back and forth in, and repeat, "I am dead meat about to be raped by a purple horse. I am dead meat about to be raped by a purple horse."