wish that your Sonic the Hedgehog
Man, if only that were the case. If you were Sonic the Hedgehog you'd be able to outrun these ponies no problem. You kind of don't want to be a hedgehog though. Nothing against hedgehog's but you you'd rather not be one. A better idea would be to wish that you were The Flash. Just as fast (possibly even faster), and still human.
As these thoughts pass through your head you take a moment to reflect on how Sonic games have really gone downhill since Sonic Adventure... Whatever happened... Oh well that is something to wonder for another time.
For no reason you sing the song "Mega Man 3 with Lyrics" by brentalfloss. You have no idea why, but you just feel compelled to as you run. Plus it helps with your breathing. Plus, you've been working on a farm all day. You don't exactly have a lot of energy.
You attempt to contact me, not knowing I never listen to my new messages.
That would be a good idea.... IF YOU EVEN KNEW WHO THIS PERSON WAS!!!! Sure, the people reading this story and the other users on fimfiction may know who this person is but you certainly don't. Also there is the fact that this person might actually be a pony, and if that is the case, you're not sure if you can trust him... or her... After all, all the ponies you've met so far save for Lyra and Bon Bon haven't been exactly trustworthy.
Rainbow dash said that you smelled nice.
try to find some way to hide your body odor.
Whatever you do, if you see a line of foreboding trees past the apple orchard, don't go that way.
Do not climb the apple trees. Big Mac will just knock you down. Or if cartoon physics are in play he could bend the tree and slingshot you out, which wouldn't be pleasant.
Also, try to find something to mask your body odor. You're in a farm. Perhaps you could smear yourself with pig or cow crap if you somehow found yourself in the pens? It wouldn't be nice, but who wants to rape something that smells like fertilizer?
Look for the compost heap and roll in it. You have to get rid of your manly smell!
You actually contemplated doing this as you ran away from the ranch. Rainbow Dash said something about your smell, so you thought that maybe that was what was somehow attracting these ponies to you. So logically the best thing to would be to mask that scent.
Unfortunately, this orchard, is as you noticed while you were out working with Applejack and Big Macintosh, is the cleanest orchard you've ever seen. If such a thing was even possible.
Seriously, apart from the ground, there isn't a spec of dirt or filth to be seen anywhere in this orchard. You suppose you should commend Applejack and Big Macintosh for taking such good care of their orchard, but for now it doesn't help at all.
There isn't a single bit of compost to be found anywhere and the only thing you've noticed that might even remotely hide your scent was the mud back in the pig pen on the farm (yes the farm had a pig pen... you are not sure why), but for obvious reasons YOU ARE NOT GOING BACK THERE!!! At least not now anyway. Not until things cool down.
Run face first into a tree..
.. Ouch
Unfortunately while your mind wonders to all these places, you don't pay attention to where you are going and run face first into a tree.
"Ouch..." you say as you hold your hands over your nose. That really hurt.
Oh, and speaking of which, the reason you know what a broken nose feels like is because you broke your nose when you were younger. Its not exactly a pleasant memory for you, but lets just say it involved, a skateboard, an empty pool, and a particular person that you made angry. Yeah you were incredibly young and stupid at the time. Now you know better.
You fall on your butt and look up at the tree. Suddenly something hits you, not literally of course, but figuratively as you realize something.
Climb a tree.
Climb a tree and live in the leaves till the heat dies down.
Remember one of your hominid advantages. Climb up and hide in one of the apple trees and get some rest and food.
Hands. amaze the ponies with tricks of your hands.
¡¡Time to use my super abilities of climbing trees!!
climb one of the trees
1. Hide in a tree.
2. Wait until nightfall.
3. Sneak out of the orchard when its dark using the same path you came in on.
You are a human being. You're descended from chimpanzees. You have hands. You have thumbs...
YOU CAN CLIMB TREES!!!
Of course! These ponies only have hooves so they won't be able to get you if you climb up into one of the trees. Without even thinking twice about it you jump up and grab one of the branches on the tree you just ran into. You climb all the way up it, close to the top. This is the best plan you've had all day.
You climb a tree and find some fruit bats. From there, you hand out with your new fruit-themed friends, and they hide you from the crazy ponies. Hopefully.
As you get closer to the top, you notice a rather large piece of fruit hanging from one of the branches. Thinking that you could probably take it and save it for later, you reach out and grab it. Unfortunately, as you do, its eyes suddenly open. The sight of a piece of fruit with eyes freaks you out tremendously, and you almost fall out of the tree. You catch yourself before you do. As you do, you notice the piece of fruit spread out its wings and make a rather strange squeaking noise.
You had no way of knowing it, but you just ran into a fruit bat. With it awake and with it screeching, it alerts the many other bats in the trees around you (you're wondering how the hell you did not notice them before) which all spread their wings and fly away.
The distraction of so many bats flying past you makes you loose your grip and balance and fall out of the tree. You land on your butt again, luckily the tree wasn't that big so it doesn't hurt too bad. You look up at the sky to see lots and lots of fruit bats flying out of the trees. All of them flying into the sky... right where you are... like a signal...
As my role model says in these types of situations: Run!
runnign running running running!
(pull back a branch)
face!
(hits big mac face dead center)
now then
RRRUUUUUUNNN
You get up as quickly as you can and keep running. You don't even want to know who could have seen all those bats fly out and follow them right to you. Climbing the trees was a good plan while it lasted. You might do it again but for now you run as fast as you can to get away from this spot.
>Go Northeast
>you are in an orchard
>Go Northeast
>you are in town
(i looked at a map of the town, SAA is southwest of it. use the sun as a compass.)
randomyay...
You could do that... IF YOU KNEW WHAT DIRECTION NORTHEAST WAS!!! WHICH YOU DON'T, YOU REALLY DON'T! You have no idea where you even are much less what direction northeast is. Even if you did you have no idea where that leads, so you don't know that it will lead you right back into town.
Discover CMC club house
You find the CMC clubhouse.
Upon entering, you discover that they are chanting something Latin and are surrounded in a summoning circle.
They're trying to get their demon summoning cutie marks.
Yet despite all that, it seems that fortune, Jesus, and Solid Snake are all smiling on you at the moment. You keep running and find an open clearing in the orchard, and when you do, you notice a rather large treehouse in one of the trees. There doesn't appear to be anybody (or pony) inside.
You stop running for a moment.
What do you do?
Look around if you could find something helpful.(Like potions, weapons, armors etc. etc.)
Yell out 'this treehouse looks like a nice place to hide!' As loud as possible.
Then hide in a bush. Bushman rules mate.
Walk into the tree house and if nothing is in there sit and take a 10 min break,if there is something in there walk in acting like your hurt. In the off chance of something is about to find you while your still in the treehouse, act like your hurt.
hide out at the top of the tree house great vantage point
Bust a rhyme to pass the time.
I agree with The Sniper, since cartoon physics and laws seem to be in effect, make it seem extremely likely that you went into the treehouse, then hide somewhere else until you hear/see AJ looking for you.
You should do two things
#1: Do the god damn dinosaur already; you put off doing it for too long, and even if you want an audience to see you do it, the nagging urge to do so can't be ignored.
#2: Enter the clubhouse and make sure that no one (or pony) is truly inside or just hiding in there when you enter. Also, you see solid snake exit the clubhouse when you do so, why he was in there, you don't know, but before he leaves, you ask him "where can I get a hind helicopter?"
Oh great, a small house of sorts, that must mean there are more ponies. You don't want to just avoid civilization but you can't risk getting almost-raped again because of you're alluring stench (you knew you shouldn't have put on Axe body spray before dimension-hopping). As you ponder the conundrum you hear a sound that has so far meant nothing but trouble for you: the chopchopchop of helicopter blades. The Holy Hind once again flies over your head, but this time it stops and hovers in mid-air above your head. Solid Snake, once again in the co-pilot's seat, opens the hatch and takes out a bucket of sewer water and rotten fish. Snake leans out and pours the vile concoction over your head. He and Jesus then fly off as he gives you a thumbs up. Congratulations! You now smell like piss-water and dead fish instead of sex!
Convince the CMC to try and get their "human protecting" or at least "human hiding" cutie marks.
Convince them that they can get cutie marks as body guards.
do a badass run into the tree house and curl up in a little ball until nightfall
*This plays in the background*
~But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough.~
Look around in confusion wondering where that music is coming from.
Loot the tree house of valuables.
What could go wrong now?
"Cutiemark Crusaders monster slayer"
YAY
It's a pretty big treehouse. Maybe it has a little attic or something you can hide in?
Make the treehouse your hidey-hole! Then do the dinosaur on the floor! (Or the moonwalk, depending on how awesome you feel!)
Alternatively, realise how stupid this is. Hiding in a tree that is designed to stand out is a horrible idea as it is the most likely tree that will attract attention. You would be found almsot instantly.......
But hide in it anyway.
Well hide till night fall
oh If you see three small fillies
Ask them to help you build a vehicle
One more thing if they ask for an adult you just rembered you are an adult.
Your smell somehow changes. A lot
Put on your Army helmet, get inside, and start barricading with HMGs and lots of ammo.
1. Go up to the tree house.
2. Open door to tree house.
3. Make said tree house your new base of operations.
4. Do the mother fucking dinosaur to celebrate your new base of operations.
YOUR INNER ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG COMMANDS IT!
Kick down the door of the tree house, after that you shout "I HAVE ARRIVED"
I got nothing... Just go with whatever the person under me said.
Burn the clubhouse to the ground!
Time for the return of the "DYNAMIC ENTRY!"
Dynamic entry into the CMCs' clubhouse and attempt to convince them (if they are present to witness said entry) to help you hide from the other insane ponies in exchange for the chance that they may earn their cutie marks for hospitality/ kindness/ mercy, etc. It's a long shot but beggars can't be choosers.
Open the door while screaming 'I CAME' for no apearent reason, then procees to close the door. Inside you see three fillies sitting on what looks to you like a red and white ringed circle. Ask the three fillies if they have something you can use to get rid of that smell and if they can privode cover for an idefinite amount of time
There are no ponies currently inside the treehouse.
Eat some stale cookies from the pantry.
Collect shuriken from Cutie Mark Crusaders Ninjas adventure.
Find some green and brown rolls of dumb fabric and make a Gillie suit.
Hide in the cupboard until the heat dies down, then sneak into the forest in gillie suit.
Dynamic entry LIKE A BOSS then run away while getting chased by a pony that came out of a blue phone box that was inside the clubhouse in the middle of a pentagram.
There are kids in said tree house and you are an adult you have to polite and respectful at all times while asking for help.
GO IN THE TREEHOUSE AND MASTURBATE.
BURN IT!!! that should be enough of a distraction for you to plan to burn more stuff
You observed the tree house until your proficient adaptive and intellectually brilliant brain came up with one of the best plans in human history (probably pony history too).
You put on your hardhat and grab your power tools to begin your plan of self-preservation. The workout on Apple Jack's farm made you immensely fit and stronger, so carrying those used-to-be-heavy sandbags isn't going to be a problem. A few minutes later of positioning the sandbags around the tree, you begin to cover the windows with wooden planks.
After an hour of placing the barbed wires, land minds, a shielding system and other defensive like assortments you forgot to tell in this comment, you sighed to yourself on a job well done; but your work isn't done just yet. You walked back into the tree house and called in for reinforcements on the radio you built earlier with a rubber band and a paperclip.
Couple of seconds later, a Chinook helicopter came over the horizon. The chopper was soon above you, it then briefly lands next to you and magically pops out a Construction Dozer. When the helicopter was about to lift off, you saw that Jesus is piloting the Chinook but this time most part of his face is obscured by the flight helmet he was wearing. Next to him though is Solid Snake giving you more inappropriate hand gestures at you. Then the helicopter soon flies off to the distance and you waved good bye to them even though knowing that they couldn't see it. This all happened in exactly ten seconds flat.
You whistled as the Dozer roared to life. As you drove to a flat clearing that isn't too far away from your fort, you took one last look around and begun building. Scaffolds emerged from the ground and the whole building started to rise slowly, but surely. The structure is soon revealed as a barracks.
Once you jump off the Dozer, you climbed back up to the tree house and turned on your computer you made with a toothpick and a bow tie after you built your radio. After waiting for who knows how long, the screen finally showed the menu of a military-like insignia as the background and a square labeled "Ranger". You reached out and slowly tapped the square.
Good thing you added a touchscreen feature to your PC, you didn't really have the materials to built a keyboard.
You walked outside to see four Rangers shouldering their weapons. Now with all defenses in place, you're ready to face Twilight and her accomplices.
You turned around to admire your work you've done. Good thing you played enough Command and Conquer: Generals or else you would be in a pickle.
A Ranger walked behind you.
"Sir?" He asked.
"Yes Ranger?"
"How did you build all of this, and more importantly, how did I get here?"
"Magic," You said shortly.
"Is that also the reason why my weapon looks like a gray stick?" The Ranger replied.
You then tried to imitate Macintosh's signature catch phrase.
"Eeeyup."
Meanwhile, The crusaders in the tree house were shaking under their hooves and was curled up in a ball as they watch the strange bipedals walk in and out of the clubhouse with strange "gray sticks".
Sneak up to the treehouse and see if there is anyone (anypony?) inside.
1.) Enter treehouse
2.) Do the dinosaur
3.) ???
4.) Profit
Enter the clubhouse while doing the moonwalk
LIKE A BOSS!
So many dinosaur comments. I'm so proud.
you find the spy's watch and use it to turn invisible
if one can not be found
use your inner snake
and hide in the darkest shadow and pray to jesus , solid snake, and what ever god that is in equestria to save your sorry a**
you find the spy's watch and use it to turn invisible
if one can not be found
use your inner snake
and hide in the darkest shadow and pray to jesus , solid snake, and what ever god that is in equestria to save your sorry a**
Moonwalk like a dinosaurin' BOSS and scream Touretically, "I AM AT A F***IN CLUBHOUSE!! "
And then maniacally discover the Crusaders' "Ultimate Stash of Supplies!!" (patent pending) which consists almost entirely of... aphrodisiacs??
"F*** me..."
You go inside the treehouse! Duh!