You are Twilight Sparkle. The personal student of Princess Celestia herself, the element of magic, and if you do say so yourself, a very eligible and pretty young mare.
You open your eyes to find yourself back in the library on the floor. Why you didn't sleep in your bed is beyond you.
You moan aloud for a moment as you groggily stand back up and rub your head with a hoof. You make a mental note to never sleep on the floor again. Its kind of uncomfortable.
As your rub your head however, all the events of the past two days suddenly catches up to you. The human, Sweet Apple Acres, everything. You remember running back here after you left Sweet Apple Acres to get some supplies, but then everything went black the second you got through the door.
You must have fallen asleep the second you got back here.
"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!" You curse yourself for falling asleep at the most important of times. The human is still out there. Every moment you waste is another moment he can uses to get away from you.
YOU HAVE TO FIND HIM!
The fate of all of Equestria is depending on you.
YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!!!!!!
What do you do?
You immediately cast a spell meant to alert you to how many of a particular species there are nearby and the general area they're in. You tune it so it specifically targets humans. The spells reading gives you... 2.5?!? All of them are in the everfree forest, but 1.5 are up quite a ways in the air above said forest!! You didn't think humans could even walk on clouds, hell you didn't even think the was more than one here (nor did you think there could be half a human, but you attribute that to either a spell error or a being who only had one human parent). You run out towards the everfree to investigate.
Ok ok ok... HOW IN THE HOLY HELL IS HE EVADING ME. Calm down, breath in and out, in and out. Ok, if I was a male where would I go. Er, this is harder than I thought
------
"THATS WHAT SHE SAID!"
"Bro, why did you do that."
"Somewhere, someone thought it"
Okay. My spell has appeared to be too powerful and has affected him to the point of attracting any if not all mares. That being said, if he is an intelligent creature as he has shown to be, he will be in a secluded area where there are not many mares. Must acquire map to observe currents of gender trafficking.
To catch a stoner one must think like a stoner
snoop around lyras place they were helping him clues maybe?
remind yourself how he will save equestria
ask pinkie to break the fourth wall to find him
make sure to make sure you research on Nyarlathotep is correct.
and then devise a plan for the human.
and reset up for the heat spell for when you next see him.
Do what you do best: Use Logic (like Miles Edgeworth in Investigations). Where did the CMC say that the human went?
Burn the witch!
Screw the Rules, I have magic!
T1:Okay Twilight, first calm down.
T2:But i'm calm. aren't i?
T1:No no no. you have to calm down and think.
T2:I'm thinking.
T1:Not hard enough. Use that magic you're so proud of.
T2:But what spell?
T1: Use that h...
Applejack: Twilight who are you talking to?
Twilight: No one. (T1:She must not know)
Masturbate. Fiercely. Like a super intelligent boss.
Use a spell to heighten your sense of smell to try and track the 'heat' coming off him.
Seek your allies....they must have answers...who has yet to be found? Screw thinking call for Spike and ask him who's still on the list of elements ya didn't speak too yet.
Why not use a tracking spell for a change?
Maybe even get Rarity to help you with it to track the guy down!
Then Grab a rope and be on your way!
Channel your inner Sherlock Hooves and deduce the current situation.
YOur research says Nyarlothep is coming.
Your research says only a centaur can stop him.
Your research says that a centaur is produced through the mating of a pony and a human.
Now, supposing that you succeed in raping the human and giving birth to the centaur... think about how your half pony freak of nature child will feel when he/she discovers that the only reason you brought them into a world that can never accept them is to stop a threat to said world, and that you didn't even have an emotional connection to the father. Now think how he/she will react when they learn they were born of rape.
Now think how easy it would be for Nyarlothep to convince said centaur to tell all of ponydom to buck off.
... ... ...
Have you thought all that through? Good.
Now, taking these realizations to mind, reevaluate your plan of action. If you are still determined to go through with creating this centaur, you may want to try starting with EXPLAINING TO THE HUMAN WHAT IS GOING ON!
Come on, Twilight, you're making less sense then Pinkie did during the parasprite episode, and she was running around assembling a one pony band!
Oh, but before you do any of that, write to Celestia and ask her if she knows anything about Nyarlothep. Make sure to specify that you need specific answers, not 'Go do something seemingly completely unrelated that will eventually lead you to the right place and right time to address what you're asking me about' like she gave you with Nightmare Moon.
Well the most logical and well thought out plan would have to be... TEAR PONYVILLE APART UNTIL TO FIND HIM! ...Or go check out Fluttershy's place.
If you can't a human, you'll make a human! You rub your front hooves together maniacally and cross your eyes.
Give it up, my friend.
You cannot win.
(Pfft, yeah right. Like she'd actually listen to what I had to say.)
Are you sure Nyarlathotep is actually a problem? Because, I can think of, like, three different incarnations of him, and only one is evil. (One of them is just kind of a jerk, and the other is an insane teenage girl. Don't ask.)
Use a spell to identify alien tissue samples, and follow the alien skin flakes to the human.
Go to Lyra and BonBon's place and look for clues, of course.
Channel your inner Adrian Monk as you do it.
You need allies. Rainbow and apple are against you, pinkie is as random as ever so shes no help, Your trying to rape a human to produce a centaur and Rarity also has an interest in him, you could team up with her. Well like you said you need allies, and another centaur couldnt hurt. Only one you havent gone to ask now is fluttershy.
Yes thats what you should do, go get rarity and make a pact with her to help you find your love monkey, then go and see if fluttershy is willing to help
go back to fluttershy and snugglefuck
use detect spell to fine your target!
Friendship is magic. Ergo allies are magic too. Gather them. Then hunt anew.
This story isn't remarkably written, I'll admit, but damn is it fun. Couldn't stop reading until I got to this point. As for my command:
Slip into the fabled blackdeath trance of the woegothics, quaking all the while in the bloodeldritch throes of the broodfester tongues. If that's too complicated for you, repeat after me: "Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!"
Ask Ghost Sombra what to do.
Get help from good ol' Mr. Sombra
You realize you stick out like a sore thumb seeing as how the human and his friends will be expecting Twilight Sparkle, and the whole ninja suit and katana is overkill. Research a way to change your appearance like Luna did on Nightmare Night and look for him incognito. Failing that, send Spike out to look for him, he's been really lazy recently.
Go to Pinkie Pie. Tell her about Nyarlathotep and how nopony will listen to you. She'll sympathize with you because it's just like the time nopony helped her with the parasprites.
Also, if you find him, try asking him out to dinner. He may be more likely to have sex with you if you try romance. You've read every Romance novel in your library, so you know exactly what to do.
Realize his power level is over 9000 and stop chasing him
Tell Princess Celestia that he is a threat to Equestria, she sends the royal guard after him, and when he is subdued, have your way with him.
Do the goddamn summoning spell!
Goddam it, I have to come up with something original? After all these great ideas? Man...I'll try...
"The heat spell you cast has produced the desired effects: it is difficult for the human to evade detection from mares. Now it's time to double the attraction! Surely there must be some way for you to make yourself smell like a REALLY, REALLY HOT human female? Riiight?
Never say never!"
Go on a rampage though town and kill anypony that stands in your way no matter who it is
Alright, since Twilight has obviously gone a bit over the edge here, I believe it's time for her to channel her inner Gollum again, and have a quick argument with herself about whether she should stop trying to rape the Human, and maybe explain to him the situation and recruit him. Of course, crazy Twilight wins, and instead casts aside her Katana for the Sword of Omens (or a reasonable copy), and channeling her inner Liono gains sight beyond sight, locating the human.
Discovering that he's in a room with 4 mares where the only exit is blocked by a immovable boulder, use your scrying site to recast the Heat spell on the human at double..nay, TRIPLE the intensity. Now that his closest allies have turned on him (or are distracted as they turn on each other in another lesbian foursome), teleport in, and do whatever it is crazy mares do.
Whatever you do, remember to bring your solid snake suit, eye patch, and katana with you.
Stop and do this:
1) Make a checklist of what you need
2) get items on checklist
3) Eat a banana
4) Do teh Harlem Shake
5) Eat a 2nd banana, cause you are addicted to them
6) Go find the human
If non of your other ideas work, try to turn yourself into human. or even anthro, you might be able to wooh him.
and if that doesnt work, then do the dinosaur
You consider for a moment why you need to find him, and the events that led up to summoning him. (The human, that is.)
Ask yourself...
"Has anypony ever told me, the definition, of insanity?"
Track him with a spell then perhaps teleport him to you. Why go to the human when you can make the human come to you?
Track down Applejack and get her up to speed.
After that, ask around. Surely somebody's seen him somewhere. He's not hard to miss. Maybe Fluttershy?
Become a pretty princess
Read a book about tracking.
Ask Gandolf for help
Go insane and get back in the black latex jacket (I think that's what it was) and get the katana and kill anypony who get's in my way.