Lyra answers your questions
And now back to the show
Got any Human clothing I can wear?
Can you make me some pants?
And do you have any pants perhaps?
Do you have pants I can wear, Miss Heartstrings?
Does she have anything to help cover your junk like pants or something you could make into a stylish kilt or toga? If she does you say you will pet her with your ever so amazing hands if she was to give you said item.
"Do you have any pants?"
Do you have pants?
2. clothes
ASK FOR PANTS.
First things first, ask her for some pants
1. Do you have any pants?
Pants would be nice
Got any pants I can wear?
first, ask for some f***ing pants, you look like a jackass running around with no pants on.
"Okay first off I want some pants
1. Do you have any pants?
2.You wouldn't happen to have any pants would you?
Given the circumstances you decide to ask the most obvious question first.
"By any chance," You begin to ask. "You wouldn't happen to have a pair of pants I could borrow would you?"
"Pants?" Lyra responds, looking somewhat confused. Then she looks downwards. You notice that she's keeping her eyes on your nether regions a bit longer than she should.
1. Ask her to stop ogling you, she is obvoulsy obsessed with humans. It doesnt help that your nekked
"Umm," you say to her.
"Huh?" Her attention suddenly breaks from your and looks back up at you. "Oh, right. One second." She says as she hops off the couch and walks into another room. You then hear her climb up some stairs.
3 (and most importantly) where are my pants?
You actually already know the answer to this question. You never wear pants when you sleep so when you go to sleep without pants it stands that you will wake up without pants. Its simple logic really.
After a few short moments, you hear Lyra come back down the stairs. When she comes back you see floating next to her and encased in a sort of golden glow is a pair of folded up, tan colored pants.
"Here you go," Lyra says to you as she gently puts the pants down on your lap. "They're meant for ponies so I don't know if they'll fit you, but they're large so they might." She says as she plops herself back on the couch.
"Thank you," You say to her as you grab the pants and stand back up. They are a bit small, its kind of like squeezing into a size small pair of pants, but more or less they do fit you. Also since they are meant for ponies they just barely go past your knees. Regardless of that though, your first mission has been accomplished. You have found pants.
If she does you say you will pet her with your ever so amazing hands if she was to give you said item.
start petting her! if she asks, just tell her that too darn cute and adorable!
"Thanks," you say again as you reach over and start petting her. You get behind her ears and on the back of her neck like you would a dog. It just seems like the proper way to do it. As you pet her, you notice Lyra close her eyes and let out a light moan as she feels your hands on her. She looks relaxed. At this point you can't help but notice how damned adorable she looks. Maybe its because she's not trying to kill or violate you but she looks much cuter than Twilight or Applejack.
5.She seems to be enjoying the petting a little too much, you think she may have a hand fetish. may want to stop now.
After a moment you then pull your hand back. She looks back at you with a disappointed look on her face. You don't let it bother you though. You still have more questions you want to ask her.
"Okay, now that that's taken care of. First thing's first." You say to her.
You ask "Do you know where in the world Carmen Sandiego- I mean, I am?"
Where am I and how do I get home?
1 Where the flying tits am I?
2 How did i get here?
"Where in the flying tits is Carmen Sandiego.... I mean am I, how did I get here and how do I get home?"
"You're in Equestria," Lyra responds, her enthusiasm suddenly back. "More specifically you're in the town of Ponyville, which is just below the mountain where the city of Canterlot is." Its just then that you start to notice the insane amount of horse puns in that sentence. "As far as how you got here and how you get home though, I have no idea. Sorry." She looks up at you with a pleading look as she says that. You can't really blame her though, its not like you expected her to know everything. After all, she's just another pony.
"Its all right," you say to her as you pet her again to lighten the mood a little. She really seems to enjoy your petting. Still, you pull your hand back again, you aren't done here yet.
Why are you so interested in humans? I've got to know why!
Why are you so curious about humans? How do you know about humans?
1. how do you know what a human is?
"How the hell do you know about humans, and why are you so interested in them?" You ask her.
"I've been studying human mythology my whole life!" She says to you, suddenly sounding way more enthusiastic than she's ever been in the short time you've known her.
"Mythology?" you respond.
"Yeah, everypony says human's aren't real but I'll show em. I'll prove to them that humans do exist!" She says as she slams one hoof into the other in a similar manner to when one would slam their fist into the other other hand. She then looks back up at you with a bright look in her eyes. "And now that you're here I can prove that humans exist!" She says rather loudly as she leans in closer to you.
"Yeah, yeah," you respond to her with a wave of your hand. "We'll get to that later, but still..." You could have ended this topic of conversation, but there was still one last question on your mind about this.
2) How the hell do you know what I am? Was there some kind of epic final war between the humans and the ponies that resulted in our extinction and now the dominant species is said ponies, of which you are one of the few fascinated with us?
"How the hell do you even know what a human is?" You ask her. "Was there some kind of epic final war between the humans and the ponies that resulted in our extinction and now the dominant specials is said ponies, of which you are one of the few fascinated with us." You ask her. The look she gives is one that suggests that you asked her something in a foreign language.
"Not.... that I.... know of," she replies before she brings a hoof to her chin. "Unless those bastards in Canterlot are trying to cover it up. I've got to look into this further." Great, not only have you found a pony that's kind of on par with people who are obsessed with aliens from your world, but she's also a conspiracy nut.
Still, your line of inquiry is not done yet.
Is that purple pony always that crazy?
What can you tell me about the purple pony that was chasing me? I'm not going to lie... she sort of scares me a little.
1. Why is Twilight trying to rape me.
2. Can you hide me from the insane purple unicorn?
Why is the purple unicorn trying to rape me?
Second, get some info about the purple unicorn and orange pony you pissed off.
"Why was that purple unicorn trying to rape me and why did she freak out when I ripped her book?" Also ask for a sheet or something to make a toga.
Second Why am I trying to be raped by a purple psycho?
2. Can you hide me from the insane purple unicorn?
3. Why is the destroyer of worlds trying to rape me?
"What can you tell me about that purple unicorn chasing me?" You ask her. "I'm not gonna lie, she sort of scares me a little."
"You mean Twilight Sparkle?" Lyra asks you. To which you only nod. "She's the personal student of our leader Princess Celestia and the element of magic. She's arguably one of the most powerful magic users in all of Equestria." You decide not to ask what she means by the 'element of magic' as you have far more pressing concerns.
"Is she always that insane?" you ask her.
"No, not really. Then again I don't talk to her much so I wouldn't..."
"Why the hell did she freak out when I ripped her book?"
"You ripped her book?" Lyra asks you, suddenly interested.
"It was an accident!" You say.
"Well... she is kind of obsessed with books. She does work in the library after all." Great, you've got some information on her, but still doesn't answer the most important question. Its not really one you wanted to or ever though you'd ask, but you decide to just gut it out and say it.
"Why the hell is she trying to rape me?" You ask Lyra.
"Rape you!?" She replies, kind of shocked that you even suggested that. You sigh and explain how when you woke up here you found her standing over you with the copy of the 'Pony Sutra' with her and a lascivious grin on her face. Lyra's face reddens a bit from your explanation and after a few moments of silence she tries to speak.
"Umm.... well.... I.... I don't know. Like I said I don't really talk to her all that much so I have no idea." She replies somewhat nervously.
"Wait..." you say as a sudden realization hits you like a ton of bricks to the face. You were obviously able to discern that she helped you because you're a human and she's clearly obsessed with humans like some humans are clearly obsessed with aliens, but still, given the circumstances. You nervously look at her
3. You're not going to rape me,,,are you?
,,,are you?!
are you going to try to rape me like the purple one?
4.You aren't going to try and rape me are you?.... are you?!
"You're not... going to..." You nervously begin to ask her.
"What!" She replies as her face turns even redder than before and she puts on a look of utter shock and disgust that you even would suggest such a thing. "No! Oh Celestia no!"
"OH THANK GOD!" You say with an enormous sense of relief. "For a second there I thought the only reason you helped me was bec...."
"Unless you want me to," she says out of god damn nowhere. You look back at her to see that while her face is still a little red, she has a sly grin on her face now.
"Umm...." is all you can say.
"I'm just kidding," she replies. "Besides, even if I wanted to I can clearly tell that you're a guy."
"Why is that...?"
"I'm a lesbian," she says out of fucking nowhere. You're actually kind of surprised to hear that, you didn't think that these ponies would be like that. Not that you have a problem with it by any means, it just comes as kind of surprise. What surprises you even more is that she can say that so casually. So basically at this point your fate is in the hands.... hooves, of a lesbian conspiracy theorist who is obsessed with aliens... Meh, could be worse. You're not about to hold any of that against her.
Ask her about if they can mate.
"Can ponies and humans even mate?" You ask her. The question seems relevant right now.
"I don't think so," she replies. "Different species and all. I'm not entirely sure." She looks back up at you to see your nervous expression return a bit. "I'm not about to test it out on you though." She replies with a smile. At this you finally exhale the breath you didn't even realize you'd been holding in. Now that that's out of the way, now for the most important questions.
And besides you're getting off topic here.
2. Can you hide me from the insane purple unicorn?
How safe are we here?
"Can you hide me from her?" You ask her. Lyra only looks back up at you confused. "From Twilight Sparkle." You say to clarify.
"Oh, right." She says. "Yeah you can stay here." She replies rather calmly.
"How safe are we here?"
"There's a basement down below. You can hide there if things get to crazy. Unless she starts tearing apart the houses to find you, but I don't think she'll do that." As secure as that makes you feel, you still feel a bit uneasy.
Ask her where you might retrieve a Hind helicopter so you can fly it Solid Snake style
"You wouldn't happen to have any idea where I might retrieve a hind helicopter so I can fly out of here would you?" You ask her. Man you've been feeling more and more like Solid Snake ever since you got here.
"What's a hind helicopter?" She asks.
"Nevermind," you reply. Figures she wouldn't know what that is.
Also do you have anything i can use to get twilight the world eater of my back?
1) You wouldn't happen to have some kind of magically amplified weapon that I could use to defend myself against the crazy purple one in the event that I run into her again, do you?
"Look, I know this might be a shot in the dark, but..." You say to her. "You wouldn't happen to have some kind of magically amplified weapon or anything similar that I could use to defend myself against her in the even that I happen to run into her again, would you?" You ask her.
"Sorry," she says again. "I'm a musician not a mage. Besides, nopony in Ponyville owns a weapon." You find that statement a little hard to believe, but still it does make sense that she wouldn't have one. At that, you just sigh to yourself and assess the situation.
Basically, at the moment, your fate is in the hooves of a lesbian musician conspiracy theorist who is obsessed with aliens. There are worse situations to be in, and she seems friendly enough. Still, you do have on last question, and its only question you can really ask when in a situation like this.
Wanna get high
"Wanna get high?" You ask her. She doesn't respond, she just looks up at you with a look on her face that you can't quite distinguish. It looks kind of deadpan. Then suddenly her smile returns, and the next words out of her mouth are ones that you never expected to hear here.
"Sure," she says with some enthusiasm. You honestly were not expecting that. "Give me a minute." She says as she hops off the couch again. You stay put as you watch her leave and hear her go back up the stairs again. She's gone for a moment longer than before, but when she returns you can honestly say that you honestly did not expect to see this at all.
Floating next to her as she walks back into the room is to your great surprise, a large, mint green and purple bong as well as a large bag of a grass like substance. There are at least fifteen different things you could guess that it is, but you're pretty sure that you know. What really shocks you though, is how large the bag is. Seriously its huge, its almost as big as her head. She puts on a sly grin as she sees you looking at the bag.
Without saying a word, she walks back over and hops back on the couch. She then magically sets down the bong and the bag onto the table in front of you. You never take your eyes off of them the whole time. You look back up at her to see she's looking up at you with a sort of smug grin.
Well now this situation seems to have gotten a bit better. You see her horn glow again as you see her open the bag, but as she does, the front door suddenly starts to unlock itself, then just as suddenly it opens.
Just as you are about to ask her something.... Bon Bon walks into the room....
"Lyra I'm ho...." You see another pony walk into the house. This pony unlike Lyra is not a unicorn and is sort of a cream like color. Her mane appears to be split between blue and pink in color, with both colors taking up even space on her mane and tail.
The second she enters the house, she stops. She stops dead in her tracks and looks right at you. You can see her anime eyes shrink down to the size of microbes. The look on her face is one that suggest that she is looking at something so impossible that her brain is imploding upon itself.
"Hey Bon Bon," Lyra says to her just as cheerfully as ever. "He's a human!" She says as if she's unaware of the state her friend was in.
The pony named Bon Bon never takes her gaze off of you. She looks like she's been hit with an insta-freeze ray. She's not even blinking.
What do you do?
Also to answer this question
any chance you can make the Chapters longer?
More than likely no. I'm a very busy person (college is a harsh mistress) and I do have things to do outside of this. These chapters are just things I throw together when I get home before I really have to start me work so yeah.
If I could, I might make them longer but I do have things to do so yeah.
Thanks for understanding. 
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Staring contest with frozen Bonbon in 3...2...1...GO!
Well of course being the great human gentleman you are you offer for her to join you un your escapades of getting high.
If she starts screaming her head off hit her with your LEVEL 2 FLYING NINJA KICK.
If this is unresponsive then use a feather to mercilessly tickle her into submission.
Then continue getting high.
Try to convince her what she's seeing is a stress-related dream, and if she goes to sleep in her room, everything will be all better
Then ask lyra if she has anything to eat, because you're REALLY hungry right now
You relize twilight will find you sometime soon you look around for somting to use to defend you self to your joy you find a bag of bananas you say to your self"I'll save these for later" then you get high
Ok, so the human is pretty much safe as long as Bon Bon doesn't freak and scream, alerting nearby ponies to some sort of danger and thus effectively telling Twilight where he is.
As such:
"Bon Bon screams so loudly half the nearby neighbourhood hears her."
creep bon-bon the fuck out. thats gotta be fun
Look at lyra and say. "sooo....She your mate? Does shealways...you know...stand there frozen like that when you have someone over?"
Don't be so bloody rude, ask if she wants to get high also.
Ignore Bon-Bon. Get high. I'm not about to get distracted from the matters at... Hoof?
Go up to her and say "Hi" with your best Mr. Popo impression.
Offer some bong
A few sentences later, a red-coated, blue-maned pegasus bursts through the roof. A 6-and-a-half foot drop later, he lands, and runs through the door, tripping over the bong in his haste. He ends up falling into the human, the momentum pulling the pair into the door, which the human's head conveniently breaks down. Running away, he yells "Parkour, BITCHES!" to the unicorn and earth pony cops the are to be chasing him. The human's (Paco, let's name him.) head is peeking out of the door when Twilight is observing chase. Of course, Paco is wearing pants now, which will make rapery much harder now. But... what if that's not what she's there for?
(Also, RazortheAwesome lets Kiro0613 be his editor, in an effort to save time and have better grammar.)
*Turns to Lyra* She's not going to hurt me is she? Last time a pony froze was Twilight's reaction to the book being ripped...
Say "Close the door, would you? There's a crazy mare out there." Then invite her to join you and Lyra.
thinking she's about to run... grab Bon Bon and yell to Lyra "Quick, get her high!"
Say to her "Hello, wanna get high as well, maybe bake some cookies, or how about a good game of 'Don't-Tell-Twilight-Sparkle-I'm-Here-Or-Else-I'll-Have-To-Roundhouse-Kick-You-Into-Submission'? Hm?" All the while staring at her intently with your best poker face on.
Act as if nothing is wrong and continue to get high.
chase bon bon with a sheet on pretending to be a ghost
Say "Howdy Partner" in the best western movie empression you got!
Try the pony-human mating thing on her, maybe she isn't lesbian.
Shout odd things to have her think you don't exist, then run toward the basement door, open the door, get down the steps, lie on the floor then walk the dinosaur. With that done go back up stairs sit down next to Lyra while continue getting high/ watching Bon Bon's mind process what just happened.
KISS HER NON EXISTENT BELLY BUTTON
Ask Bon-Bon to get high as well?
Nap time.
Oh, look! A several-thousand word chapter! How refreshing. Still very amusing. And now weed is canon. Excellent...
Since these seem to be popular let's try this:
"Clearly things are about to get complicated. It's time to take Lyra up on her kind offer.
Step 1: Locate door to Lyra's basement.
Step 2: Open said door.
Step 3: Get on that cold, hard basement floor.
Step 4: Do the dinosaur."
2174330 Lost my shit.
Step One!
Flinch noticeably.
Step Two!
Squeal like a little girl, drop to the floor!
Step Three!
Ask, politely, to not hurt you.
If these steps work, convey your thanks. Job well done!
Then pet her too!
2175067
MFW I read Steps 2 through 4 and suddenly understands the reference:
myfacewhen.net/uploads/2024-extreme-facepalm.jpg
I believe I took this reference quite well.in my opinion.
I loved the way you used the reference for the story, but you are going to pay for my medical bills for me to get my arm surgically removed from my head one way or the other and don't ask how I'm still typing even though I can't see at the moment... DON'T QUESTION IT!
Say "Close the door you're letting in a draft, and you might let in Twilight" if she is about to get angry offer her a milk dud that you pulled from the ether.
flip the table
use a bowl for a helmet
peek over desk and try not to die
2175190 Not to mention that one of your hands is, well...er..."occupied."
Lost my shit round two.
Ask Bon-Bon if you could call her "Bonny."
Scream "THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!" in the most guilty way possible.
Step 1. Greet yourself
Step 2. Offer to bake some brownies with the substance Lyra is using
PLAN B:
Step Only: Yell "THESE DRUGS ARE AMAZING!" at the top of your lungs while doing the Harlem Shake.
Politely ask Bon Bon to close the door. After all, there is an insane pony outside that wants to... perform some higher than NC-17 rated action on you. (Better leave that second part out and just ask Bon Bon to close the door.)
Bash bon bon in the head with a baseball bat and then turn to Lyra and say "Help me bury the body."
Be cool and act like you belong there, then ask bon bon if she would like first hit
Mock a popular religion.
Ignore her and have Lyra light that stuff up. Bon-Bon can join in when she is ready
Take your handy iPhone
Walk out of the room momentarily
Stroll backi in whilst playing Coming Home by Edward Khil, like Edward Khil
1 Ask her if she knows the gangnam style dance
2 If she say yes grab your iPod, play the song and start dancing
3 If she say no doesn't matter just do it
4 After that ask her if she want some brownies
5 After that you just realised that you don't have brownies
6 Start feeling like a idiot
7 ????
2176008
Probably not a good idea.
Better to explain everything and hope for the best.
2176176
Or just mock a religion.
2176025 YES!! He gets it, getting high always takes first priority!!!
Look straight at Bon Bon and say: "Uhhh... You name's Bon Bon right? You okay there Bon Bon? You look a little... I dunno... shocked."
Like the gentlemen you are, you ever so elegently, with the most sofisticated and poshist british accent you can muster, introduce yourself to the lovely mare and ask if she would like to join you and lyra this fine after noon
Havnt eaten all day, anything to munch on?
also, the pants are nice but your hard and super sensitive niples tell you that you are in need of a shirt.
take your fist puff only for twilight and aj to barge in......
Ask if they wanna hit...
Whilst high, have you yourself and ponies marvel at how awsome your hands are.
Damn you must be high, you see colourfull talkin ponies.
Ask if they have dragonballs.
Or some sort of wishing thing.
Summon Darth Vader and the Master Chief for tea with the two of them, while magically holding three pistols at one time. Then Hitler comes around and shouts "SIEG HEIL" and teleports in a flash of smoke.
Offer her the bong, even if this is another dimension with raping purple unicorns there is no need to be rude.
fade into the shadows.