• Published 19th Feb 2013
  • 12,153 Views, 2,974 Comments

Wake up. See This. What do? (Comment driven story) - RazortheAwesome



(This story is driven entirely by user comments) Out of nowhere you suddenly wake up to find yourself in Equestria with Twilight Sparkle looking down at you with a lascivious grin. What do you do?

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The Book

Step One: Tuck legs up against chest.

Step Two: Wrap arms tightly around legs.

Step Three: Roll away.

Step Final: Hope you're fast enough to escape.

You feel as if it would be in your best interest to get out from under her before you do anything else. Unfortunately that doesn't seem like its going to happen. You see, while you noticed before that her forehooves were next to your shoulders, well more touching your upper arms but yeah, there is the matter of the rest of her body. Her rear hooves are positioned so that they are just above where your knees are almost the same as your shoulders. Also despite the fact that she is more or less about the size of an average pony from your world she is still slightly shorter than you think she is. So there isn't much room for you to roll up into a ball. Why you feel the need to do that to get out from under her is beyond you. So yeah, there will be none of that.

you sloowly, veeery slowly reach a hand towards her head and begin scratching behind her ears. You see her eyes close half way and her mouth hanging open as she lets out a relaxed breath. You continue this and While she is distracted by the pleasure you're giving her, you slide your other hand in your pocket to reach for your trusty multipurpose pocket knife. with your multipurpose pocket knife in your grip, you swiftly pull your hand from her ear and place the arm under her head lifting it a bit, exposing her neck, then you bring your other hand thats holding the knife to her throat and press the blade against the exposed flesh all in one fluid motion. At first she panics and tries to squirm from your hold, but you press the blade a little bit deeper to remind her of her current situation. Once she has calmed, you ask where your gas powered internet enabled blow dryer and your nuclear-powered SMS messaging bowling ball was.

yea, i dont know what the hell I'm doing

Right as the thought of rolling up into a ball leaves your mind however you suddenly remember your trusty pocket knife.

"OF COURSE!" Your internal monologue which for some reason sounds like Crispin Freeman says. Why your internal monologues sound like Crispin Freeman is beyond you, but hey, he has an epic voice. But anyways, your pocket knife. Of course, you never leave home without it.

Slowly so as not to alert her presence, you move your right hand down towards your pocket. Of course you keep a pocket knife in your pocket. You would distract her by petting her but since her eyes seem to be locked on you you don't feel that is necessary. Anyway, just as you are about to reach your pocket......

Also make sure your wearing pants.

And you touch your bare skin.

"Of course," your internal monologue says again. You never wear pants when you sleep so of course you wouldn't be wearing pants now.

I grab the book and start reading, totally ignoring her.

Its only then do you notice the book she's holding with her magic. You naturally have to conclude that its her magic holding it due to the matching glows on her horn and the book. Anyway, since you are without your trusty pocket knife you reach up with your left hand and grab the book. You try to pull it down towards you but it remains still. She obviously doesn't want to let you have it.

Well, that's all the incentive I need.

You suddenly see out of the corner of your vision Jesus Christ, yeah, the one and only, playing a game of checkers with Discord. The Chaos God was in deep thought over his next move, while Jesus was simply texting holy messages of awesome on his iPhone and playing the latest Angry Birds game.

Also, Twilight inexplicably got a wing boner, and wings for that manner. Jesus simply rolls his eyes while Discord flips the checkerboard in anger for not coming up with a good move.

While your fighting with her for the book, over in your peripheral vision you see what looks like a..... thing.... that resembles a dragon more than anything else, but with a deer antler, a goat leg, a bat wing, and a snake tail playing checkers with another human who you can only assume to be Jesus. He appears to be texting somebody on an iphone.

Suddenly, the dragon thing flip the fuck out and flips over the table they are playing on and screams in frustration before snapping his fingers and teleporting away. The man you assume to be Jesus just looks over at you and nods before teleporting away himself. You can only assume that the purple unicorn was caught up in this distraction as well cause the book suddenly comes free from her magical grasp.

Without hesitation you open up the book and look at the front page. The title of the book appears to be The Pony Sutra: 100,000 ways to make your lover ride you into the sunset After seeing that you skim through the book only to see that practically every other page has an outline of different sexual positions as well as drawings and notes on how to perform them. You feel your face redden a bit as you see this.

"Oh my..." is all you can say to yourself upon seeing this. Slowly, you lower the book from your face to see that the purple unicorn's smile has become even wider.

What do you do?

Author's Note:

By Celestia, Luna, Discord, God, Ra, Odin and Zeus I never imagined this would get so popular so quickly.... Wow.... just wow thank you all.

Anyway, since there seems to be such a huge influx of comments, what I'm gonna do is read through them every time I update this and only pick a few of them and use those. So yeah....

Also this will likely follow the "first come first serve" rule of comments, as in if you somehow manage to comment first I might be more likely to use yours. However, don't let that discourage you from commenting anyway if there are others before you. At the end of the day the decision of which comments I use are still up to me so even if you comment last I still might use yours if I like it enough. :pinkiehappy:

Sorry I have to be so selective, but yeah I never expected this many people would follow this. Also this goes without saying, but even if I did use your comment you can still comment again. Hell you can comment as much as you like, just if you pester me I might be less likely to use yours so yeah. Just be wary.

But yeah, thank you all. Really thank you. :twilightsmile:

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