(This story is driven entirely by user comments) Out of nowhere you suddenly wake up to find yourself in Equestria with Twilight Sparkle looking down at you with a lascivious grin. What do you do?
This story is driven entirely by user comments. So whatever you say, it will happen. Continued in Part 2: Raise the Flag
You wake up to find that for whatever reason you are now in Equestria and Twilight is looking down on you with a look on her face that you can only describe as "lascivious." What do you do?
Authors note: I will be checking up on this story every few days or so to see what you all are saying. Whatever comments you make, regardless of how silly, stupid, or insane it is. I will make it happen. :D
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
SECOND DISCLAIMER:
I REGRET NOTHING! I’VE LIVED AS FEW MEN DARE TO DREAM!!!
Anyway let us begin
As you start to wake up several realizations come to you. First off, you aren’t in your bed anymore. You can tell this because you can you can feel what is obviously grass beneath you as opposed to your bed sheets. Also you can feel the warmth of sunlight on your face as well as the rest of your body. Given the circumstances you are forced to conclude that you are outside. Miraculously though, you still have all your clothes on. Were you even wearing clothes when you went to sleep? You have no idea.
With all of these things filling your brain you slowly open your eyes. Your vision is blurry at first due to morning drowsiness (or is it afternoon drowsiness) but you blink a few times to clear it up. What you see in front of you, you cannot explain for the life of you.
Now that your eyes are open you can indeed confirm that you are outside, as you can see the clear blue sky above you. There are few clouds in the sky, but otherwise it appears to be a beautiful day. More or less it does look like the sky. That’s not what gets your attention though.
Standing above you looking straight down at you is a lavender unicorn with a dark purple mane that has a magenta stripe running through it. Her horn is glowing with a sort of magenta... glow, and floating next to her you can see a book that is enveloped by the same magenta glow. On its cover is the image of a pot with two large hearts floating above it. Why you take the time to actually look at the book you have no idea. Also for whatever reason you don’t take the time to wonder just why the hell its floating.
She’s standing above you with her forehooves out past your shoulders, in fact they are right next to your shoulders, you can feel them touching you. That’s not important though. What is important though, is that her face is mere inches away from yours. Seriously you can feel her breath on you, which actually kind of smells minty fresh despite it being horse breath.
The look on the unicorn’s face however, is one that you never expected to see. She’s looking down right at you smiling and her eyes are half closed. The only word you can think of to describe the way she is looking at you right now is “lascivious.” Which is odd considering its a unicorn that’s looking at you and not a pretty lady.
Basically what you are seeing right now is this picture.
She’s not saying anything to you, hell you aren’t even sure if she is breathing. Or at least you wouldn’t be sure if she was breathing if you didn’t feel her breath on your face. It’s kind of weird like that. She’s just standing there.... looking at you... with those huge magenta eyes. Its just staring... staring.... staring....
And its still staring...
For whatever reason all you can do is stare up back at her. You don’t know why but you just do. If you could explain it you would but right now you can’t. So you just stare up at her. You just do... you look up at those huge magenta eyes. By Jove they remind you of anime eyes.
Neither your arms nor your legs aren’t pinned in any conceivable way so you could get up and run if you want to. Then again you aren’t entirely sure what good that will do. You don’t even know where the hell you are right now, much less why a purple horse is looking down at you. Plus, the fact that there is a unicorn on top of you kind of makes things awkward. Its about the same size as ponies are from your world, so yeah, its not small.
With enough cards thrown onto the table for them to suddenly jump up and cut somebody’s eye out lets back up.... Hours ago (At this point you aren’t entirely sure how many) you went to sleep after doing what it is you always do. Yeah you gotta admit its awesome, being you... doing stuff... not being in a situation where a purple unicorn is on top of you.
Anyway, you were doing stuff like a boss like you always do every day like a boss. Then at the end of the day you were just chillaxin in your room like a bawller (you think you can remember being on fimfiction.net before you went to sleep), when eventually you remember that even an awesome boss bawller like you needs sleep. So like the bawller boss that you are you went to sleep, and when you woke up. Well, here we are now.
You don’t really feel the need to elaborate more on how awesome the things you were doing were or exactly what you were doing. As you figure the people reading this don’t care. How the hell you even know that people are reading this is beyond you. Why yes this story did just break the fourth wall. You got a problem with that?
So basically you were just being you when you suddenly woke up to find yourself inexplicably transported outside somewhere (okay its obviously Equestria but you don’t know that yet) with a purple unicorn looking down at you with a look on her face that suggests that she wants you to ride her off into the sunset.
You feel as if it would be in your best interest to get out from under her before you do anything else. Unfortunately that doesn't seem like its going to happen. You see, while you noticed before that her forehooves were next to your shoulders, well more touching your upper arms but yeah, there is the matter of the rest of her body. Her rear hooves are positioned so that they are just above where your knees are almost the same as your shoulders. Also despite the fact that she is more or less about the size of an average pony from your world she is still slightly shorter than you think she is. So there isn't much room for you to roll up into a ball. Why you feel the need to do that to get out from under her is beyond you. So yeah, there will be none of that.
you sloowly, veeery slowly reach a hand towards her head and begin scratching behind her ears. You see her eyes close half way and her mouth hanging open as she lets out a relaxed breath. You continue this and While she is distracted by the pleasure you're giving her, you slide your other hand in your pocket to reach for your trusty multipurpose pocket knife. with your multipurpose pocket knife in your grip, you swiftly pull your hand from her ear and place the arm under her head lifting it a bit, exposing her neck, then you bring your other hand thats holding the knife to her throat and press the blade against the exposed flesh all in one fluid motion. At first she panics and tries to squirm from your hold, but you press the blade a little bit deeper to remind her of her current situation. Once she has calmed, you ask where your gas powered internet enabled blow dryer and your nuclear-powered SMS messaging bowling ball was.
yea, i dont know what the hell I'm doing
Right as the thought of rolling up into a ball leaves your mind however you suddenly remember your trusty pocket knife.
"OF COURSE!" Your internal monologue which for some reason sounds like Crispin Freeman says. Why your internal monologues sound like Crispin Freeman is beyond you, but hey, he has an epic voice. But anyways, your pocket knife. Of course, you never leave home without it.
Slowly so as not to alert her presence, you move your right hand down towards your pocket. Of course you keep a pocket knife in your pocket. You would distract her by petting her but since her eyes seem to be locked on you you don't feel that is necessary. Anyway, just as you are about to reach your pocket......
Also make sure your wearing pants.
And you touch your bare skin.
"Of course," your internal monologue says again. You never wear pants when you sleep so of course you wouldn't be wearing pants now.
I grab the book and start reading, totally ignoring her.
Its only then do you notice the book she's holding with her magic. You naturally have to conclude that its her magic holding it due to the matching glows on her horn and the book. Anyway, since you are without your trusty pocket knife you reach up with your left hand and grab the book. You try to pull it down towards you but it remains still. She obviously doesn't want to let you have it.
Well, that's all the incentive I need.
You suddenly see out of the corner of your vision Jesus Christ, yeah, the one and only, playing a game of checkers with Discord. The Chaos God was in deep thought over his next move, while Jesus was simply texting holy messages of awesome on his iPhone and playing the latest Angry Birds game.
Also, Twilight inexplicably got a wing boner, and wings for that manner. Jesus simply rolls his eyes while Discord flips the checkerboard in anger for not coming up with a good move.
While your fighting with her for the book, over in your peripheral vision you see what looks like a..... thing.... that resembles a dragon more than anything else, but with a deer antler, a goat leg, a bat wing, and a snake tail playing checkers with another human who you can only assume to be Jesus. He appears to be texting somebody on an iphone.
Suddenly, the dragon thing flip the fuck out and flips over the table they are playing on and screams in frustration before snapping his fingers and teleporting away. The man you assume to be Jesus just looks over at you and nods before teleporting away himself. You can only assume that the purple unicorn was caught up in this distraction as well cause the book suddenly comes free from her magical grasp.
Without hesitation you open up the book and look at the front page. The title of the book appears to be The Pony Sutra: 100,000 ways to make your lover ride you into the sunset After seeing that you skim through the book only to see that practically every other page has an outline of different sexual positions as well as drawings and notes on how to perform them. You feel your face redden a bit as you see this.
"Oh my..." is all you can say to yourself upon seeing this. Slowly, you lower the book from your face to see that the purple unicorn's smile has become even wider.
I say, "Excuse me, but do you happen to speak English?"
"Uhh ha ha ha..." Is all that comes out of your mouth as you look back up into the purple unicorn's eyes. Your face shows how obviously nervous you are. "Excuse me, but do you happen to speak English?" You have no idea why you asked a pony that question, but the book it was holding was in English so you figured why the hell not. Surprisingly, the unicorn giggles at you before responding.
"*Giggle... Of course I can speak English," It says to you in an obviously girly voice. Given the circumstances you are forced to conclude that this unicorn is female. At this you are stunned, here you are suddenly waking up with this purple unicorn standing over you, and now you find out that not only does it use magic, but it talks.
"Uhh.... Hi," You say to her in a way that doesn't sound any less nervous than before.
"Hello," She replies to you as she leans in closer. "I'm Twilight Sparkle." She says to you in a voice that you can only describe as 'downright sultry'
your face shows how nervous you are.
"if you plan to do anything sexual, at least be gentle!" you squeeze your eyes shut, awaiting the bittersweet embrace.
"Uhh...." You begin to say. "If you plan to do anything sexual, at least be gentle!" You say to her as you close your eyes. At this, she simply giggles again. For whatever reason she sounds kind of cute when she giggles. Hell if she weren't obviously a horse you might find that voice a little sexy.
"I'm sorry, but one does not simply ask the prized student of Princess Celestia to be gentle."
Yell "I need an adult" over and over again.
"I NEED AN ADULT!!!" You scream at the top of your lungs.
"I am an adult," Twilight replies to you as she leans in closer.
Step1: Pretend to have a seizure. Twilight will be confused and step back as you writhe in fake agony.
Step2: You have now completely caught Twilight off guard. Throw the book, which will assist in distracting Twilight, and run to jesus for help.
Step3: Repent and thou shalt be saved.
Step4: Jesus says you're going to hell. Roll up into a ball and cry as Twilight drags you into her tree house for some hot man on mare action.
Step5: Sell baby human/pony half breeds to a circus.
Step6: ???
Step7: Profit.
With the situation now dire you're left with only one option. EXECUTE NATURAL DEFENSE MECHANISM!!!!
Unfortunately your natural defense mechanism at this moment seems to be 'pretend to have a seizure' so that's what you do. You start off slow at first, but then after a moment you start shaking on the ground uncontrollably. Twilight just giggles in that cute voice of hers at you again.
"Silly human, that's not going to work on me." Suddenly, her horn glows again and you can feel your head and arms become enveloped in a magenta glow. Without much effort at all, Twilight presses your head into the ground and pulls your arms away from you to restrain you.
crinkle or rip a page of the book and watch as twilights OCD takes hold
The sudden and unexplainable sound catches both of you off guard. Strangely enough, the unicorn who calls herself 'Twilight Sparkle' seems to have released her magical hold on you. You open your eyes and look up at her face again, its not the same as it was before.
Her face looked like it was frozen in absolute shock. Her sultry smile was gone and was replaced by a sort of frown that made her mouth look incredibly small. Her giant anime eyes were open as wide as they could possible be, though they seemed to be fighting their eyelids so they could open wider. Her anime eye pupils had shrunk down to pinpricks, no larger than the head of a needle.
'Whatever happened must have really flipped her off' your Crispin Freeman inner monologue says.
Its only then that you notice a piece of paper lying on your chest. You can't see quite what it is, but you can tell there are quite a lot of words on it as well as an erotic drawing. You then look over to your right hand. In it is the Pony Sutra, but you can obviously see that a page has been ripped from it. You look back at the page, then at the book, and then back at Twilight. She still has the same shocked look on her face as before, but now her left eye is twitching. Twitching frantically you might add.
I call bullshit! Fake seizures ALWAYS work for me! I demand MOAR!
P.S Tell her that book ripping is the natural form of intercourse for your species. Automatic turn off.
PLAN B:
Step 1: Explain to Twilight that book ripping is the natural form of intercourse among your people.
Step 2: She will completely turned off and leave. You can actually pick yourself up off the god forsaken ground.
Step 3: Revel in victory as your virginity has been saved. Nerd...
....
....
That is by FAR the stupidest idea you have ever come up with since you got here, and you once ate a whole cup of raw cinnamon just to show your friends that you could. Her eye starts twitching a bit more frantically now.
Look back at her carefully, and in your most soothing voice say the following.
"Now, I'm terribly sorry about the damage to your book. How about you let me up, we both go to a store and get some tape or other mending equipment and fix this. After that, we can both sit down, maybe have some tea, and discuss how I got here and exactly why you were hanging over me with said book. Sound good?"
At this time, praying inwardly for your continued health is highly recommended.
Since you can clearly see that she is about to (or rather is currently) loose her marbles. You take a deep breath and compose yourself. If nothing else, at least you try to apologize.
"Now, I'm terribly sorry about the damage to your book," you say to her. "How about you let me up, we both go to a store and get some tape or other mending equipment and fix this. After that, we can both sit down, maybe have some tea, and discuss how I got here and exactly why you were hanging over me with said book. Sound good?" No response, and her mouth begins twitching too along with her eye. Its starting to look like she is about to have a seizure.
Call Odahviing to come save your ass.
Okay you will admit that you have three maxed out characters in Skyrim and you are not ashamed to admit that you did put a lot of work into them. However, even you realize the difference between calling a dragon to save your ass in a videogame vs calling a dragon to save your ass in the real world. Namely that dragons don't exist. Even if they did the odds of one being named Odahviing are well over a million to one and even if there was one named that he more than likely wouldn't obey you much less save your ass if you needed to. Plus, if you were to call him in this situation he'd probably laugh at you endlessly. How dragons are capable of laughing you have no idea.
Twilight's head begins to twitch as well. She looks like she's tweaking.
First pray to god, second cry like a little girl, then hope for the best.
With no other options left you close your eyes and begin to silently pray to god. Also you cry like a little girl for some reason. You pray to god as best you can. You apologize for all the things you've done. Sure you are a bawller boss but even ballwer bosses are not immune from sin. You repent over and over again in your head and pray for him to hear you. To at least give you some idea of what to do in this situation.
Tickle her..
...until her death
you reach up and tickle the bah-jeesus outta her!
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
....
...
.....
...
...
Okay.
Without pause you drop the book and reach up with both your hands. You grab her sides right under where her front legs meet her torso and begin to tickle her. At first there's no response, and any frantic hope you have that this will work (why you had frantic hope this would work you have no idea. That seems to be a reoccurring theme since you got here) leaves you like water going down a drain.
Suddenly... against all hope.... what little there was. A smile suddenly forms on Twilight's face. Seeing this you redouble your efforts and tickle her even harder. You even reach up and start tickling behind her ears while your other hand moves down her belly.
She fights it at first, but then eventually she bursts into full on laughter. Apparently you are doing a good job. And again with that voice of her's if it wasn't on a pony it would be somewhat cute to you.
Get up, trip her, and run behind Apple Jack's stand, making her swear not to say a word.
You have her right where you want her now. With one swift motion you toss your legs to the side and trip her out from under you. Quickly you roll onto your feet and get back up.
FUCKING RUN!
Get the flip out of dodge!
Back on your feet again you channel The Knights of the Round Table as best as you can and bolt off in a random direction like Usain Bolt. Granted you have no idea where you are so you really have no idea where you are running either.
"HEY!" You hear a voice belonging to a certain purple unicorn behind you. "GET BACK HERE!!!" She begins to give chase, but you don't look back.
-Eventually-
Eventually you run into what you can only assume is the town market. In the short time that you've been running you could tell that this was a tiny, yet 'quiet' little village.
There are more horses in the town. All of them different colors and all of them look strangely anime like to you. Also all of them are staring at you. You can't really blame them for that though. If you were out one day and saw a member of an alien species you've never seen before running through the streets without any pants then you'd probably stare too.
As you run through the market your eye catches sight of an apple stand being run by an orange horse with apples on her rump. That was another thing you'd noticed about these horses as you ran through the town, they all had these weird marks on their rumps. You wondered to yourself what Twilight's mark would be, but something also tells you you don't want to stick around to find out. Anyway, you make a beeline straight for the apple stand.
"What in tarnation!" you hear the orange horse say in what sounds like a southern accent as you approach.
To forever you will never be sure how you did this, but without stopping you leapt over the apple stand right with a lead that even you would be jealous of normally and went straight through it. The orange horse ducked as you flew right over her. Now that you were behind the apple stand. You shove the orange horse out the way and crunch up right behind it.
"What in..."
"Please let me hide here!" You say to her?
"What in the hay is goin on!? Who are yah, or ratha what are yah?"
"There's no time to explain!" You tell her. "Please just let me hide here and swear not to say a word!"
"Why would Ah..."
"APPLEJACK!!!" You hear the voice of a certain purple unicorn named Twilight Sparkle shout from behind the stand. In panic, you crunch up even more and give the orange horse a pleading look.
And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Try and dig a tunnel away from Ponyville.
DIG A HOLE. DIG A HOLE TO HIDE IN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!!
And if you get caught, begin pelting every living being with apples! Lots and lots of apples!
umm put on a dwarf outfit and start to dig while whistling the diggy diggy hole song and say you name is honeydew
Plan A: Dig an escape tunnel
Unfortunately you have no objects with which to dig your way out of this place. Also you're quite certain that even if you did you wouldn't nearly be able to dig fast enough to escape the wrath of Twilight Sparkle. Its not like you spent your life digging holes for a living so yeah that option is out. Also there is no way in any hell that you are going to use your own hands to start digging. Not only would that be incredibly difficult to do and take an incredibly long time, but it will also hurt due to your fingernails coming off. Yes that does happen.
Your only option at this point is to reason with the orange horse running the apple stand.
Tell Applejack you help her with "bucking" later if she manages to get Twilight away.
OR
Tell AJ if she helps you, you in return will help her to the best of your abilities, which is not answering questions about your appearance.
"if you let me stay, i......i'll work for you, for cheap! seriously, i'll live off apples for a month if it means i can get away!" you're reduced to groveling at the hooves of a sentient orange pony. how undignified, and yet needed at the same time.
"Please just stay quiet!" You tell her as quietly yet as urgently as you possibly can in this situation. "I'll make it up to you. I'll do whatever you want. Just please let me hide here!"
"Who or for that matter what in the hay even are you?" She asks you not in any way quietly.
"if you let me stay, I......" You begin to say. "I'll work for you, for cheap! seriously, I'll live off apples for a month if it means i can get away!"
"I don't even know who or what ya'll are. Why would Ah..."
"APPLEJACK WHERE IS HE!!!???" You hear the voice of what is unmistakably Twilight Sparkle say. ""I KNOW HE CAME THROUGH HERE!!!" She sounds much closer than before.
Offer to buy every single last apple off her farm if she let's you hide there.
The thought occurs to you to try and bribe the orange pony by saying that you'll buy all her apples from her. Unfortunately, partly because of your lack of pants. You don't have any money on you. Hell you don't even know what money is in this world.
Plan B: offer knowledge and wisdom in exchange for you life and virginity
You tell Applejack that you know the secrets of the universe, and if she helps you, you will answer any one question. Except for why you aren't wearing any pants.
"PLEASE!" You say to her. "I'll tell you the secrets of the universe! Anything you want to know I-"
"Get the buck out of mah stand!" She replies, obvious frustration with this whole thing in her voice. Yeah you had no idea why that would work.
Hind Solid Snake style.
Unfortunately you don't know how to hind Solid Snake style. You're pretty sure that 'hind' is another term of a type of helicopter.
"Well it's obvious, isn't it? Here you are, seated behind a veritable plethora of ammunition! It's time to OPEN FIRE!! Grabbing as many apples as you can, you begin to hurl the fruits at high velocity towards your purple nemesis. 'Hah! Take that, ya purple freak!' you yell triumphantly as several red fruits hit their mark, causing Twilight to sputter and stumble."
With no other options left, and no help coming from the orange horse. You do the one thing that you've up to this point been saving as a last resort. Quickly you push her out of the way and get back up. Thinking quickly, you grab an apple and throw it at Twilight's face. Without wasting a second you grab as many of them as you can and start throwing them.
Unfortunately, you forgot that Twilight is a unicorn and in her apparent adrenaline rush she catches them all with what you can only assume is her magic. Since they all stop in mid air and get grabbed in this magenta glow right before they hit her. They all float in mid air for a second before the glow around them stops and they all falls towards the ground, revealing Twilight's "I am a destroyer of worlds" face. With you in her sight she runs right towards you.
Throw an apple at another nearby stand hopefully causing it to lose its supplies and cause a big enough distraction then run like hell and hide in one of the multiple alleys in town.
Thinking quickly, you look around at the other stands. When all hope seems lost you notice that one of them has stacked up its merchandise rather poorly. Taking careful aim, you grab one last apple and throw it at the pile. Time slows for you as you cross your fingers and hope this works.
It does, the apple hits the pile of merchandise causing all of it to fall over, which also causes the stand to fall over for some reason. At the sight of this, every technicolor horse in the area screams and starts to panic. From there they all start running rampantly through the streets screaming at the top of their lungs. You're also pretty sure you hear one of them scream "THE END IS NEIGH!!!"
Look at Applejack and mouth the words "Please forgive me." Then proceed to grab and flip the entire apple cart over to try and halt Twilight's charge towards you and make your dashing escape.
"I'm sorry," you say to the orange pony, whose just been staring at you this whole time, mouth agape. With Twilight still darting towards you through the crowd of panicking horses, you grab the apple stand with both hands and flip it over. You timed it perfectly, just as Twilight is about to reach you a basket of apples falls on her and stops her from moving.
And if all else fails, FUCKING RUN!
With her temporarily distracted. You bolt like you've never bolted before and run the fuck away from here.
The apple basket explodes as Twilight gets back up and looks around. The look on her face suggests that she is ready to end you and all that you know. Unfortunately for her, the technicolor horses all around her are running about in panic. As a result she can't see through the crowd. Even Applejack is having a hard time finding you and finding out what just happened.
Twilight just looks to her friend Applejack, who in turn just looks right back at her. Twilight calms herself down for a moment to catch her breath. Applejack on the other hand, puts a determined look on her face. Seeing this, Twilight nods at her, and Applejack nods right back.
-Elsewhere-
With the crowd of ponies as a distraction you run out of the market and back into the town proper. You run into an alleyway between two houses to stop and catch your breath. Luckily there is a box here you can hide behind. You seemed to have escaped Twilight for now. However, that still leaves the matter of where to go from here. In this place, you do kind of stand out. As much as a human without and pants would stand out in a world of technicolor ponies. You don't know why but you're gonna start calling them ponies now.
"Hey!" you hear another voice call out. Its not one you recognize. "Hey human!" You hear it call out again.
Your curiosity getting the better of you, you peek up over the box to see a mint green unicorn with a golden lyre on her rump standing in the doorway of one the houses directly across the street from you. She's looking right at you. Not only that but she's waving her hoof towards where she is in a manner that practically says 'Come on! Get inside!' without actually saying it.
Give her a running tackle hug inside the home and say 'Thank you' over and over again.
Can't possibly be worse than facing the lavender purple destroyer of worlds.
So go on inside!
I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
I get my ass over there as fast as I can. Any port in a storm, right?
He runs in, tackling her inside her home, shutting and locking the door behind her and says "I will give you 10 minutes to do whatever you want with my hands other than mutilating them or removing them from my body to put onto yours if you hide me from Twilight and Applejack and help me find a pair of pants. Or at the very least a stylish enough skirt to be able to pass it off as a kilt."
Step 1: Run into her house and begin kissing her hooves in thanks.
Step 2: Compliment her selection of wallpaper.
Step 3: While she says "thank you" in response grab a banana and demand that she tell you her name
Hey atleast you remembered your manners
well if you dont go in, twilight is likely to find you and rape you in which you lose both your virginity and dignity as a man.
Pony who knows what you are? Seems trustworthy. Go inside.
Accept help if she assure me I'll live to see the sunshine.
Run inside and ask for a pair of pants. Well, at least something that could pass off as pants. Hide until Twilight Sparkle leaves. Thank the pony for allowing you to hide. Then leave, hoping against hope himself that no one notices you.
run inside, and hope she doesn't plan on molesting you, although you're too worried to care at this moment, any shelter is better than none, right? right!?
Run inside then show your appreciation
Quickly Run inside and find some pants to put on. Lyra is bound to have some right?
Your inner Admiral Ackbar yells "ITS A TRAP!" But you ignore it and go inside anyway.
I got nothing other than accept her offer.
"The fact that this pony actually knows what you are speaks for itself; get into the safehouse!! Flee the oncoming storm! Graciously accept her hospitality, and if she is in fact trying to do something...unsavory to you, it can't POSSIBLY be worse than the combined wrath of Twilight Sparkle and Applejack."
Go inside Lyra's house. When Lyra inevitably starts going on a human obsessed rant, agree with all her requests and demands.
Go into the house and try to befriend the unicorn, when the inevitable happens you're going to need someone for backup.
At this point it is safe to assume that the vote is unanimous. With no other options left to do you have to make your way across the street to her house. But how to go about it without any other ponies noticing you?
You remove the lid of the box, and place it over yourself. Now hidden, you slowly make your way towards the new unicorn.
Assuming you still have apples you should go in with her. If push comes to shove use the fruit for self defense and/or as intimidation. Then use a cardboard box to solid snake away.
OF COURSE! Now you remember what you meant by "hind solid snake style." Of course you still know that hind is another term for a type of helicopter but you get the idea.
Carefully so as not to attract attention, you slowly remove the lid of the box you're hiding behind only to see that it is empty. Perfect! You carefully flip the box over and hide yourself under it, just like Solid Snake would. Unfortunately there isn't a hole in the box for you to see out of, so you'll just have to rely on your instincts. Slowly and stealthily, you move forward out in the street again with the box over you. Just like Solid Snake would.
A few moments later, after you've slowly walked across the street, stopping every once in a while to avoid suspicion. If there's one thing you learned from the Metal Gear Solid games its that while the box is one of the best sneaking methods available, its not foolproof, and most enemies take exception to seeing a moving box. With that in mind, you move slowly and stop every once in a while to avoid suspicion.
Eventually, you lift the box up a little bit to see where you are. Thankfully, the house and the mind green unicorn are less than a few feet away from you. Seriously you could reach out and touch them. She slides out of the way of the door as if to let you in.
You need no further incentive, you flip the box up over your head and leap through the door like its your last leap for freedom, which it very well may be. The second you get through the door, the mint green unicorn quickly shuts the door and locks it. You made it.
Give her a running tackle hug inside the home and say 'Thank you' over and over again.
I'm with the guy below me
Give her a running tackle hug inside the home and say 'Thank you' over and over again.
The mint green unicorn lets out a sigh of relief as she closes the door behind you. You don't even waste a second and give her a tackle hug which takes you both to the ground.
"Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!" You say over and over again as you hug her like you would a teddy bear. As you're saying this, you hear from her what you can only describe as a "fangirl squeal."
Eventually, you let go of her and get back up, as does she. As she looks up at you, you see a sparkle in her eyes like she's discovered the mother load. She also has a huge smile on her face, but its not the same as Twilight's.
"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!" She says to you in an excited tone as she looks you up and down. Then out of nowhere she starts bouncing around you, yes bouncing. "A human! A real life human! I can't believe I've finally met a real life human!" Whoever she is, she seems excited about you, if only for the fact that you're a human. After her second lap around you she stops in front of you and grabs your right hand with both her forehooves and begins to shake it furiously. "My name's Lyra Heartstrings. And I am so so so so so so so so so so happy to meet you!" She adds another fangirl like squeal at the end there as she keeps shaking your hand. Seriously she's shaking it so furiously you think it might come right off.
After a few moments of furious shaking though, she stops and looks at your right hand, which she's still holding between her hooves.
"Ooooooooooo," she says as she eyes it closely. The way she seems to be looking at it is a little weird, so you pull your hand back. That doesn't stop her though, she just looks back up at you with that same gleeful look. Out of nowhere, she begins bombarding you with questions.
"Where are you from? What's the human world like? I hear you have carriages that move on their own, do you have one? What do you humans do? Do you have ponies in your world? What sorts of things do you do with your hands? How do you..."
"Woah woah woah..." You politely cut her off as she rapidly fires off one question after another. After you speak, she stops and looks up at you with a curious look on her face. She looks kind of disappointed. You decide you don't want to be rude to this pony, especially after she went out of your way to help you. So you politely explain that you have no idea how you got here or what is going on. You really have no idea what is going on.
"Oh," she replies as she takes all that in. She's still not taking her gaze off of you. Suddenly, you get an idea.
"Tell you what," you say to her. "If you help me answer my questions I'll answer whatever questions you want about the human world." Suddenly, the gleeful look on her face returns.
"Deal!" She says as she walks on over to her couch. You follow her. She hops up on her couch and sits on it in a similar manner to the way you would. Which is kind of strange since she is a pony, but you don't think much of it. You sit down next to her in the same way.
"What do you want to know?" She asks you.
This is perfect, not only have you found shelter from the insane pony chasing you, but you found a unicorn who is willing to answer whatever questions you may have.
Some of you may already know that I have a dramatic reading channel with my good friend and business partner DaedaltheusXIV. To those of you who don't you can find it here. You can also check my page for links to all the readings we've done.
Anyway, going through some of these comments, we actually found ourselves laughing our asses off quite a few times. So to commemorate these awesome comments you guys have put up, we decided to throw together a comment special just for you where we will read some of your comments in the voices we do for our readings.
So without further adieu, I present to you, the first ever Wake up. See this. What do? Comment special. Read by yours truly and DaedaltheusXIV
Special thanks to all those who commented on this story. Seriously when I started this I never expected it to get such a huge response. Thank you all. You bronies and pegasisters are the only thing that keeps this story going.
Keep commenting, lets make this story go places. Also we might do another one of these if this gets popular.
Note: Just because we didn't read your comment in this video doesn't mean we didn't like it. Far from that. We chose these comments at random as we were going through them, so yeah. If we didn't read yours, we're sorry, but yeah that's just the way it worked out.
Second note: Seriously, thank you all. I couldn't have done this without any of you.
Does she have anything to help cover your junk like pants or something you could make into a stylish kilt or toga? If she does you say you will pet her with your ever so amazing hands if she was to give you said item.
"Do you have any pants?"
Do you have pants?
2. clothes
ASK FOR PANTS.
First things first, ask her for some pants
1. Do you have any pants?
Pants would be nice
Got any pants I can wear?
first, ask for some f***ing pants, you look like a jackass running around with no pants on.
"Okay first off I want some pants
1. Do you have any pants?
2.You wouldn't happen to have any pants would you?
Given the circumstances you decide to ask the most obvious question first.
"By any chance," You begin to ask. "You wouldn't happen to have a pair of pants I could borrow would you?"
"Pants?" Lyra responds, looking somewhat confused. Then she looks downwards. You notice that she's keeping her eyes on your nether regions a bit longer than she should.
1. Ask her to stop ogling you, she is obvoulsy obsessed with humans. It doesnt help that your nekked
"Umm," you say to her.
"Huh?" Her attention suddenly breaks from your and looks back up at you. "Oh, right. One second." She says as she hops off the couch and walks into another room. You then hear her climb up some stairs.
3 (and most importantly) where are my pants?
You actually already know the answer to this question. You never wear pants when you sleep so when you go to sleep without pants it stands that you will wake up without pants. Its simple logic really.
After a few short moments, you hear Lyra come back down the stairs. When she comes back you see floating next to her and encased in a sort of golden glow is a pair of folded up, tan colored pants.
"Here you go," Lyra says to you as she gently puts the pants down on your lap. "They're meant for ponies so I don't know if they'll fit you, but they're large so they might." She says as she plops herself back on the couch.
"Thank you," You say to her as you grab the pants and stand back up. They are a bit small, its kind of like squeezing into a size small pair of pants, but more or less they do fit you. Also since they are meant for ponies they just barely go past your knees. Regardless of that though, your first mission has been accomplished. You have foundpants.
If she does you say you will pet her with your ever so amazing hands if she was to give you said item.
start petting her! if she asks, just tell her that too darn cute and adorable!
"Thanks," you say again as you reach over and start petting her. You get behind her ears and on the back of her neck like you would a dog. It just seems like the proper way to do it. As you pet her, you notice Lyra close her eyes and let out a light moan as she feels your hands on her. She looks relaxed. At this point you can't help but notice how damned adorable she looks. Maybe its because she's not trying to kill or violate you but she looks much cuter than Twilight or Applejack.
5.She seems to be enjoying the petting a little too much, you think she may have a hand fetish. may want to stop now.
After a moment you then pull your hand back. She looks back at you with a disappointed look on her face. You don't let it bother you though. You still have more questions you want to ask her.
"Okay, now that that's taken care of. First thing's first." You say to her.
You ask "Do you know where in the world Carmen Sandiego- I mean, I am?"
Where am I and how do I get home?
1 Where the flying tits am I?
2 How did i get here?
"Where in the flying tits is Carmen Sandiego.... I mean am I, how did I get here and how do I get home?"
"You're in Equestria," Lyra responds, her enthusiasm suddenly back. "More specifically you're in the town of Ponyville, which is just below the mountain where the city of Canterlot is." Its just then that you start to notice the insane amount of horse puns in that sentence. "As far as how you got here and how you get home though, I have no idea. Sorry." She looks up at you with a pleading look as she says that. You can't really blame her though, its not like you expected her to know everything. After all, she's just another pony.
"Its all right," you say to her as you pet her again to lighten the mood a little. She really seems to enjoy your petting. Still, you pull your hand back again, you aren't done here yet.
Why are you so interested in humans? I've got to know why!
Why are you so curious about humans? How do you know about humans?
1. how do you know what a human is?
"How the hell do you know about humans, and why are you so interested in them?" You ask her.
"I've been studying human mythology my whole life!" She says to you, suddenly sounding way more enthusiastic than she's ever been in the short time you've known her.
"Mythology?" you respond.
"Yeah, everypony says human's aren't real but I'll show em. I'll prove to them that humans do exist!" She says as she slams one hoof into the other in a similar manner to when one would slam their fist into the other other hand. She then looks back up at you with a bright look in her eyes. "And now that you're here I can prove that humans exist!" She says rather loudly as she leans in closer to you.
"Yeah, yeah," you respond to her with a wave of your hand. "We'll get to that later, but still..." You could have ended this topic of conversation, but there was still one last question on your mind about this.
2) How the hell do you know what I am? Was there some kind of epic final war between the humans and the ponies that resulted in our extinction and now the dominant species is said ponies, of which you are one of the few fascinated with us?
"How the hell do you even know what a human is?" You ask her. "Was there some kind of epic final war between the humans and the ponies that resulted in our extinction and now the dominant specials is said ponies, of which you are one of the few fascinated with us." You ask her. The look she gives is one that suggests that you asked her something in a foreign language.
"Not.... that I.... know of," she replies before she brings a hoof to her chin. "Unless those bastards in Canterlot are trying to cover it up. I've got to look into this further." Great, not only have you found a pony that's kind of on par with people who are obsessed with aliens from your world, but she's also a conspiracy nut.
Still, your line of inquiry is not done yet.
Is that purple pony always that crazy?
What can you tell me about the purple pony that was chasing me? I'm not going to lie... she sort of scares me a little.
1. Why is Twilight trying to rape me.
2. Can you hide me from the insane purple unicorn?
Why is the purple unicorn trying to rape me?
Second, get some info about the purple unicorn and orange pony you pissed off.
"Why was that purple unicorn trying to rape me and why did she freak out when I ripped her book?" Also ask for a sheet or something to make a toga.
Second Why am I trying to be raped by a purple psycho?
2. Can you hide me from the insane purple unicorn?
3. Why is the destroyer of worlds trying to rape me?
"What can you tell me about that purple unicorn chasing me?" You ask her. "I'm not gonna lie, she sort of scares me a little."
"You mean Twilight Sparkle?" Lyra asks you. To which you only nod. "She's the personal student of our leader Princess Celestia and the element of magic. She's arguably one of the most powerful magic users in all of Equestria." You decide not to ask what she means by the 'element of magic' as you have far more pressing concerns.
"Is she always that insane?" you ask her.
"No, not really. Then again I don't talk to her much so I wouldn't..."
"Why the hell did she freak out when I ripped her book?"
"You ripped her book?" Lyra asks you, suddenly interested.
"It was an accident!" You say.
"Well... she is kind of obsessed with books. She does work in the library after all." Great, you've got some information on her, but still doesn't answer the most important question. Its not really one you wanted to or ever though you'd ask, but you decide to just gut it out and say it.
"Why the hell is she trying to rape me?" You ask Lyra.
"Rape you!?" She replies, kind of shocked that you even suggested that. You sigh and explain how when you woke up here you found her standing over you with the copy of the 'Pony Sutra' with her and a lascivious grin on her face. Lyra's face reddens a bit from your explanation and after a few moments of silence she tries to speak.
"Umm.... well.... I.... I don't know. Like I said I don't really talk to her all that much so I have no idea." She replies somewhat nervously.
"Wait..." you say as a sudden realization hits you like a ton of bricks to the face. You were obviously able to discern that she helped you because you're a human and she's clearly obsessed with humans like some humans are clearly obsessed with aliens, but still, given the circumstances. You nervously look at her
3. You're not going to rape me,,,are you?
,,,are you?!
are you going to try to rape me like the purple one?
4.You aren't going to try and rape me are you?.... are you?!
"You're not... going to..." You nervously begin to ask her.
"What!" She replies as her face turns even redder than before and she puts on a look of utter shock and disgust that you even would suggest such a thing. "No! Oh Celestia no!"
"OH THANK GOD!" You say with an enormous sense of relief. "For a second there I thought the only reason you helped me was bec...."
"Unless you want me to," she says out of god damn nowhere. You look back at her to see that while her face is still a little red, she has a sly grin on her face now.
"Umm...." is all you can say.
"I'm just kidding," she replies. "Besides, even if I wanted to I can clearly tell that you're a guy."
"Why is that...?"
"I'm a lesbian," she says out of fucking nowhere. You're actually kind of surprised to hear that, you didn't think that these ponies would be like that. Not that you have a problem with it by any means, it just comes as kind of surprise. What surprises you even more is that she can say that so casually. So basically at this point your fate is in the hands.... hooves, of a lesbian conspiracy theorist who is obsessed with aliens... Meh, could be worse. You're not about to hold any of that against her.
Ask her about if they can mate.
"Can ponies and humans even mate?" You ask her. The question seems relevant right now.
"I don't think so," she replies. "Different species and all. I'm not entirely sure." She looks back up at you to see your nervous expression return a bit. "I'm not about to test it out on you though." She replies with a smile. At this you finally exhale the breath you didn't even realize you'd been holding in. Now that that's out of the way, now for the most important questions.
And besides you're getting off topic here.
2. Can you hide me from the insane purple unicorn?
How safe are we here?
"Can you hide me from her?" You ask her. Lyra only looks back up at you confused. "From Twilight Sparkle." You say to clarify.
"Oh, right." She says. "Yeah you can stay here." She replies rather calmly.
"How safe are we here?"
"There's a basement down below. You can hide there if things get to crazy. Unless she starts tearing apart the houses to find you, but I don't think she'll do that." As secure as that makes you feel, you still feel a bit uneasy.
Ask her where you might retrieve a Hind helicopter so you can fly it Solid Snake style
"You wouldn't happen to have any idea where I might retrieve a hind helicopter so I can fly out of here would you?" You ask her. Man you've been feeling more and more like Solid Snake ever since you got here.
"What's a hind helicopter?" She asks.
"Nevermind," you reply. Figures she wouldn't know what that is.
Also do you have anything i can use to get twilight the world eater of my back?
1) You wouldn't happen to have some kind of magically amplified weapon that I could use to defend myself against the crazy purple one in the event that I run into her again, do you?
"Look, I know this might be a shot in the dark, but..." You say to her. "You wouldn't happen to have some kind of magically amplified weapon or anything similar that I could use to defend myself against her in the even that I happen to run into her again, would you?" You ask her.
"Sorry," she says again. "I'm a musician not a mage. Besides, nopony in Ponyville owns a weapon." You find that statement a little hard to believe, but still it does make sense that she wouldn't have one. At that, you just sigh to yourself and assess the situation.
Basically, at the moment, your fate is in the hooves of a lesbian musician conspiracy theorist who is obsessed with aliens. There are worse situations to be in, and she seems friendly enough. Still, you do have on last question, and its only question you can really ask when in a situation like this.
Wanna get high
"Wanna get high?" You ask her. She doesn't respond, she just looks up at you with a look on her face that you can't quite distinguish. It looks kind of deadpan. Then suddenly her smile returns, and the next words out of her mouth are ones that you never expected to hear here.
"Sure," she says with some enthusiasm. You honestly were not expecting that. "Give me a minute." She says as she hops off the couch again. You stay put as you watch her leave and hear her go back up the stairs again. She's gone for a moment longer than before, but when she returns you can honestly say that you honestly did not expect to see this at all.
Floating next to her as she walks back into the room is to your great surprise, a large, mint green and purple bong as well as a large bag of a grass like substance. There are at least fifteen different things you could guess that it is, but you're pretty sure that you know. What really shocks you though, is how large the bag is. Seriously its huge, its almost as big as her head. She puts on a sly grin as she sees you looking at the bag.
Without saying a word, she walks back over and hops back on the couch. She then magically sets down the bong and the bag onto the table in front of you. You never take your eyes off of them the whole time. You look back up at her to see she's looking up at you with a sort of smug grin.
Well now this situation seems to have gotten a bit better. You see her horn glow again as you see her open the bag, but as she does, the front door suddenly starts to unlock itself, then just as suddenly it opens.
Just as you are about to ask her something.... Bon Bon walks into the room....
The second she enters the house, she stops. She stops dead in her tracks and looks right at you. You can see her anime eyes shrink down to the size of microbes. The look on her face is one that suggest that she is looking at something so impossible that her brain is imploding upon itself.
"Hey Bon Bon," Lyra says to her just as cheerfully as ever. "He's a human!" She says as if she's unaware of the state her friend was in.
The pony named Bon Bon never takes her gaze off of you. She looks like she's been hit with an insta-freeze ray. She's not even blinking.
Staring contest with frozen Bonbon in 3...2...1...GO!
Your eyes never leave her's and she never blinks, and neither do you. It truly is a battle of epics. Man against pony, will against will, Holmes vs Moriarty, The Doctor vs The Master, Simon vs Lord Genome, Connor Macleod vs The Kurgen, King Arthur vs The Black Knight, Neo vs Agent Smith, Jotaro Kujo vs Dio Brando. NONE OF THEM COMPARE TO THIS!!!
THE GREATEST STRUGGLE IN ALL YOUR LIFE AND INDEED ALL OF EXISTENCE IS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah you gotta do something more than this.
Go up to her and say "Hi" with your best Mr. Popo impression.
You don't move from where you are, but being the polite gentlemen that you are, you feel as if it would be best to introduce yourself.
"Hi," you say to her as politely as you can. Still, she doesn't move. Seriously its like she really is frozen.
creep bon-bon the fuck out. thats gotta be fun
Shout odd things to have her think you don't exist, then run toward the basement door, open the door, get down the steps, lie on the floor then walk the dinosaur. With that done go back up stairs sit down next to Lyra while continue getting high/ watching Bon Bon's mind process what just happened.
Step 1: Locate door to Lyra's basement.
Step 2: Open said door.
Step 3: Get on that cold, hard basement floor.
Step 4: Do the dinosaur."
Scream "THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!" in the most guilty way possible.
Okay now you're starting to panic a little. You have no idea what this pony could do and you can clearly see that her mental condition is unstable. Worst might come to worst here. Then suddenly, you remember something Lyra told you in the previous chapter. She has a basement.
"THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" You instinctively yell at the top of your lungs before you quickly jump up off the couch and bolt for the basement. You run with a speed that could rival The Flash. Even Lyra is surprised by how fast you ran.
Miraculously enough, you find Lyra's basement and run on into it. Without hesitation you open the door and run down the stairs.
Then suddenly, from above the stairs you hear the sound of a door shutting.
Say "Close the door you're letting in a draft, and you might let in Twilight" if she is about to get angry offer her a milk dud that you pulled from the ether.
CLOSE THE DOOR YOUR LETTING IN TWILIGHGT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suddenly you remember that there are more important matters at hoof.... hand. Even though you are on the floor in Lyra's basement walking the dinosaur, there is still an insane purple unicorn out there looking for you, and Bon Bon just opened the door. You look back up the stairs only to notice that you didn't close the door to the basement on your way down here. You must have really wanted to walk the dinosaur.
Channeling your inner Flash once again, you run back up the stairs to Lyra's living room to tell Bon Bon off and hopefully close the door again before its too late. Yeah in retrospect walking the dinosaur was a waste of time.
When you get back up the stairs and reach Lyra's living room, you're about to open your mouth to tell Bon Bon off when suddenly the image before you cuts out any words you may have said.
Bon Bon, still as still as ever, is standing only a few feet to the right of where she was before and Lyra has just closed the door and locked it again for you. Apparently Lyra thought ahead for you. Since Bon Bon was in so much shock Lyra was apparently able to move her without waking her.
Now that you see her again, you look back into her eyes AND START ANOTHER EPIC BATTLE OF...
No no not that.
You kind of feel a little bad for her. She's just in so much shock she can't even more. You start to wonder what may be going on inside that brain of hers.
Don't be so bloody rude, ask if she wants to get high also.
thinking she's about to run... grab Bon Bon and yell to Lyra "Quick, get her high!"
"Help me with her," Lyra says to you as she walks right up next to Bon Bon. You get the message and walk right on over to her. With the combined effort of the two of you you lift her up and carry her over to the couch. Well its mostly just you carrying her, Lyra's just walking along next to you. You would have asked why Lyra isn't just using her magic, seems like that would be easier, but you decide to leave it be for now. After all you don't want to make things any more awkward. Also Bon Bon is surprisingly light for a pony, and soft too.
You set Bon Bon's rigor mortis like body down in front of the table in front of the couch. She stands up perfectly, of course she would. Also she has not blinked or moved an inch despite you carrying her. Seriously she's like a lawn ornament. A large, pony shaped lawn ornament.
Using her telekinesis, Lyra picks up the bong and the bag and with a quick application of magic, she loads it up so its ready to go. That done she puts the bag back down onto the table and brings the bong closer to her. She then lowers her head so that her horn is just about touching the grass like substance in it, and again, with a quick application of magic, you see a small flame come from her horn as she lights it. You figure that must really come in handy.
That done, Lyra then levitates the bong over to Bon Bon's face. What happens next kind of shocks you.
With the bong in front of her face, Bon Bon instantaneously breaks from her shock like state, grabs it with both her hooves, and practically presses it into her face as far as it would go. You then see her inhale... really inhale. She doesn't stop inhaling for a full twenty seconds. You know, you counted. She inhales every bit of smoke in the bong and even some that isn't in there and still she keeps going. Given that only moments ago she was frozen beyond comprehension, that transition she took was so sudden that even you, who had seen it happen, had trouble believing it.
Eventually, Bon Bon stops inhaling and pulls the bong away from her mouth. She then exhales, letting out a huge puff of smoke. She seems perfectly relaxed now.
Ask lyra if bonbon is her fuckbuddy.
"So is she your..." You begin to ask Lyra, but she cuts you off.
"Yep," Lyra says as she walks on over to her friend, whose taking deep breaths right now, and drapes a comforting right forehoof over her neck. "This is my roommate and fuckbuddy Bon Bon." She then looks over at her friend. "Bon Bon, meet..." She's about to introduce you, but then she stops. "Wait, I'm sorry what did you say your name was?"
At that you are kind of surprised, all this time you've been here and you've never thought to introduce yourself.
The three of you are all sitting on the couch, you in the middle, Lyra to your right, Bon Bon to your left, and all of you baked as all hell. Whatever Lyra had its really good stuff. There is a thick haze in the room from all the smoke. An incredibly thick haze.
"So..." Bon Bon says to you. "You're really a human?"
"Eeyup," you reply to her as Lyra takes another hit from the bong.
"And you are..."
"Running from a crazy purple unicorn whose trying to rape me. Yes," you reply. There is silence between the two of you for a moment. You grab the bong again.
Ask Bon-Bon if you could call her "Bonny."
"Hey," you ask her as you put the bong back down. "Is it okay if I call you Bonny?" You ask her, Lyra just laughs at that little nickname and picks the bong up herself with her telekinesis. Bon Bon laughs as well.
"Sure," she replies.
"Dude..." Lyra says as she puts the bong back down on the table. You and Bon Bon look at her to see a wide smile on her face. Her eyes are almost completely red and a little glazed over. "I am so bucked up right now." She says to you two as she starts laughing uncontrollably. The two of you quickly catch her laughter and start laughing yourselves as well.
"Hey Lyra," Bon Bon says to her friend as she picks up the bong.
"Yeah," Lyra replies. It takes Bon Bon a moment to respond, but eventually she puts down the bong and does.
"Remember that thing I said I'd do to you if you ever found a human?" Lyra just laughs at that.
"Yeah,"
"I'm guessing you want it now don't you," Lyra just laughs again at that.
"Oh Bonny," she says to her. "Who are you kidding. Of course I want it now." Bon Bon just throws on a sultry smile as those words hit her ears.
"Oh I'm gonna plow you into next Tuesday," Bon Bon says to her in what you can assume is the sexiest voice possible for a pony.
"Oh I bet you are," Lyra replies to her friend. This goes on for a while. Its kind of a strange situation. Here you are in another world entirely, you're in a pony's house getting high, and now you're sitting right in between her and her lesbian lover while they talk dirty to each other. They kind of say some pretty graphic things. Under normal circumstances this would be hot but... yeah these aren't normal circumstances.
So you being you, you decide to break the mood.
Then ask lyra if she has anything to eat, because you're REALLY hungry right now
"Do you guys have any food?" You ask them. Only just now do you realize how god damn hungry you are. Hell you technically haven't eaten breakfast yet. Lyra and Bon Bon just look at you strangely, as you have just interpreted their dirty talk towards each other, but they both laugh.
"Sure," Lyra replies as she hops off the couch. "I'll be right back."
"Nah you don't..." You try to be polite and insist that Lyra doesn't have to get up and you can go get it yourself, but Lyra isn't having any of that.
"Nah nah," she says to you. "You're our guest here. So that only makes it right." She then walks back over to you and pats you on the thigh with her hoof. "Now you just sit here and be a good boy and I'll be right back with some snacks." She says in kind of a strange, almost motherly tone as she walks away again towards what you assume is the kitchen.
Then she is gone, you are now alone with Bon Bon. Both of you still high as fuck.
You look down at Bon Bon and see that he has that same sultry smile on her face that she was looking at Lyra with, only now she is looking at you now.
Given your current state of mind you would mock a popular religion right now. Unfortunately you have no idea what popular religions exist in Equestria, or if religion is even a thing here. So doing so here would be pointless.
You looks back into Bon Bon's eyes as she looks up at you with that sultry look. Those big.... giant... anime like eyes.... You stare into them AS YOU START ANOTHER EPIC BATTLE OF....
Nope... no no nope. There will be time for epic battles of staring later. Besides you're not even sure how that is supposed to work.
As you stare at her, she inches closer to you a bit and drapes her forehooves over your thigh, kind of like how a dog would. Its at this moment that a certain realization comes over you.
You realize that Bon Bons are a food. Being in not the most clear state of mind, you ask her if she is edible.
"Hey Bon Bon," You say to her.
"Yeah," she replies.
"You aren't by any chance edible are you?" The second those words leave your mouth its only then do you realize how stupid that sounded. Hell you have no idea why you even asked that. God, you must be too damn high. Instead of getting mad though, Bon Bon just giggles to herself.
"Do you want me to be?" She asks you in an incredibly sensual way.
EPIC HUMAN/PONY THREESOME! Unlike with Twilight, this one would be consensual and thus, you are perfectly ok with it. Plus, you're so baked you don't really care that they're horses and you have hands so that's something you bring to the table.
"When Lyra gets back you want to have a threesome?" (being high as a kite takes away logical thinking)
Being high impairs judgement and sex is sex so you say:
"You, Lyra, me... we should bang."
Now while you will admit that your better judgement is at the moment impaired, and you also have to admit that these ponies are kind of adorable when they aren't trying to rape you.... or purple. Still...
Do NOT have a threesome; The whole point here is to NOT get raped by a pony. Seems a bit counter-intuitive, if you ask me.
They are still ponies. Even as you are now you can still see that. Still, the way she is looking at you.
if you value your virginity you must *boop*
her on the nose and tell her
"sorry"
"Boop," you say to her as you poke her on the nose. Almost instantaneously, her gazes moves away from your eyes and looks forward in confusion for a moment, as if not entirely sure what it was you just did. "Sorry." You say to her, thinking that you might have done something she didn't like. Instead though, her face contorts a little as she tries to hold back a giggle, but then suddenly bursts into a full on laughter. You can't help but laugh with her as well.
Your eyes slowly meet and a deafening silence resonates throughout the room. You decide to make the first move. "doo doo doo Dooh, doo doo doo Dooh, doo doo doo Dooh..." You sing, giving her a beat. "When the night... has come... and the land... is dark..." Bon Bon starts singing. Lyra comes back in during the chorus, holding a platter of sandwiches and singing at the top of her lungs "So darling, darling, stand by me, oh stand by me..." You proceed to eat and sing for the next hour or so.
After a moment of laughter your eyes meet up with hers again AND BEGIN THE NEXT no.... Instead you do something else.
"Doo doo doo dooh. Doo doo doo dooh. Doo doo doo dooh," you begin to sing to yourself. After the third line of that, Bon Bon joins in and sings with you, bobbing her head slowly in time with the beat. Eventually, you stop singing and let her keep the beat.
"Just so looong. As you staaaand.... Stand by me."
"So darling, darling, stand by me, oh stand by me..." the two of you turn to see Lyra start to sing as she comes back in from the kitchen. A platter of sandwiches floating next to her as well as....
It's pistachio time!
~Crack, Crack, Crack, Crack,
Cracking Gangnam Style!
Heeeeeeeey!
Crack your nuts now!
Crack, Crack, Crack, Crack,
Ey! Ey! Ey! Ey! Ey! Ey!~
A bag of pistachios.
'Oh hell the fuck yes!' you think to yourself as you see that.
"So darling, darling, stand by me, oh stand by me..." Lyra sings one more time as she walks back over to the couch and sets the sandwiches and pistachios down on the table. She climbs back up next to you and continues singing, as do you and Bon Bon. Eventually, the three of you make it through the entire song, with Lyra giving a big finish for the ending lyrics.
At that, you all break out into another fit of hysterics. The three of you don't stop laughing for several moments. You have to admit that was pretty damn funny. Hell you almost didn't expect them to know the words to that song. You would question it, but you're too damn high.
"While Lyra is away at the kitchen, there is a knock on the door. Bon Bon gets up to and looks out the window to see who it is. Her face suddenly becomes worried and she asks you "You said that it was a purple unicorn who tried to rape you, right?" you nod your head, after a few seconds there is another knock on the door and Bon Bon speaks again "She is knocking on the door".
Right as you are about to break open the bag of pistachios, there is suddenly a knock at the door.
"I'll get it," Bon Bon says as she gets up off the couch and trots over towards the door. Lyra grabs a sandwich for herself while you still work on the pistachios.
Bon Bon reaches one of the windows and pulls down the blinds (which Lyra conveniently closed when you all started to get high) to see who is outside. Suddenly, the look on her face changes to one of complete terror.
"Umm...." she says as she turns back to look at you. "You said that it was a purple unicorn who tried to rape you, right?"
"Yeah," you say in response.
"She's knocking on the door," Bon Bon says to you. Suddenly, as if on cue, the second those words leave her mouth, another pair of eyes looks through the window right at her. A pair of very angry, red, almost bloodshot eyes. She turns back to see them staring right at her.
"EEP!" She practically screams as she lets go of the blinds and backs away from the door. You and Lyra get up off the couch and walk over to her as she backs up right towards you.
Suddenly, the door the Lyra and Bon Bon's house flies off its hinges as it is torn away by magic. It gets taken out of the door frame and is thrown back like a piece of cardboard. There, on the other side of the door, are the two ponies you did not want to see. Twilight and Applejack, though they look somewhat different than before.
Twilight's mane looks all frazzled now and she is wearing what looks like red war pain on her face and cheeks. She's also wearing what looks like a skintight black, rubber looking jumpsuit that covers most of her body.
Applejack on the other hand, looks a little more threatening. She's wearing the same red facepaint as Twilight, but she only has two lines of red below her eyes. She also has what you can only guess is a Japanese bandanna on her stetson hat. She's also wearing a bandolier for some reason.
"HERE'S TWILY!!!!" Twilight says in the creepiest voice you've ever heard come from her as she enters the house. She's looking right at you.
Suddenly, you can't tell right away because you are too damn high, you're picked up in a golden glow and thrown out of the living room and into the adjacent room right next to where the stairs are. The second you hit the wall you realize that was Lyra's glow that just threw you.
"Go, get out of here!" Lyra shouts as she and Bon Bon stand in front of Twilight and Applejack respectively. "We'll hold them off!" She shouts as her horn begins to glow with magic.
"But..." You begin to say before Bon Bon turns to look at you.
"Just go, you idiot!" she screams before she's suddenly tackled by Applejack.
You need no further encouragement. You make a mad dash up the stairs and run to the second floor. Behind you you hear a fight start to break out, but you don't look back. You may have known Lyra and Bon Bon for only a short while, but you will not forget them. Not ever.
The second you reach the top of the stairs, you turn down the hallway and see a window. Without hesitation and without even thinking, you run straight forward and jump right through it. You body smashes through the window, shattering the glass and sending you tumbling towards the ground.
Somehow, as you land you roll back up onto your feet without stopping and break into a run. Wow, you've suddenly turned into a badass. You've been feeling more and more like Solid Snake ever since you got here. Maybe its the pants.
Still, no time to ponder about comparisons to video game characters now. You've got a crazy purple unicorn to escape from. Without looking you run down the street and into the town again. You really have no idea where you are going, but anywhere is better than where you are now.
"Just go, you idiot" Bon Bon yelled before Applejack tackled her to the ground.
Without even wasting a second Twilight ran straight forward after her human target. Right as she got past Lyra however, she suddenly felt herself hit a golden force field.
"What the!?" She said aloud before she suddenly got picked up in a golden glow, then spun around and thrown into the wall behind the couch.
While that was happening, Bon Bon kicked with both her back hooves and knocked Applejack off her. She flew back a few feet before landing a few feet from the door. Bon Bon didn't even waste a second and jumped back onto her feet and ran right at Applejack. When she reached her she threw a punch with her right forehoof, but Applejack blocked it and threw one of her own right at Bon Bon. However, she leaned back and barely dodged it.
Twilight's horn began to glow as was still pinned to the wall. Just then, she picked up the tray of sandwiches with her telekinesis and smacked Lyra across the face with it. This distracted her long enough for Twilight to pull herself off of the wall and jump down and kick Lyra with both her hooves, knocking her to the floor. Lyra rolled onto her back and looked up at the ceiling, only for it to be replaced immediately by Twilight's angry face as she got on top of her. Her horn glowing with its magenta light. Instinctively, Lyra reached up and headbutted Twilight right before she did anything. Twilight doubled back a little from the blow. Lyra's head hut really hurt. Seeing her change, Lyra kicked Twilight off her just like Bon Bon did with Applejack earlier and jumped back up to her hooves.
Twilight quickly put up a force field around herself to block the blow, but the force of Lyra's kick still sent her back a few feet. The heat in Twilight's eyes amplified up to 11 now. She ran straight for Lyra, her horn still glowing. Lyra didn't hesitate and ran towards her with her own horn glowing. Right as the two reach each other, their magic pushed back against each other as gold and magenta glows kept the two at bay. Sparks were literally flying around them as their magic power fought against each other.
Bon Bon had just barely rolled out of the way of Applejack throwing one of the pictures from the wall at her before she went right in with another punch. Applejack however, was ready for it and reared back with both her famous back hooves and bucked Bon Bon right into the kitchen. Bon Bon flew backwards and hit the kitchen counter with enough force to cause it to break beneath her. She was dazed for a moment, but then she looked to her right, and saw it.
Applejack, not wanting to take any changes, ran straight for Bon Bon to finish her off. Right as she got close however, Bon Bon reached over and grabbed the rolling pin she used for baking sweets from the counter. Right when Applejack got close, Bon Bon swung the rolling pin and hit Applejack in the face with enough force to shatter it. Applejack screamed in pain as she doubled back from the blow. Seeing her change, Bon Bon quickly picked up an oven tray and smacked Applejack across the face with it. Since it was made out of metal it didn't break like the rolling pin.
Bon Bon hit Applejack a second time after she saw how effective it was, then swung a third time. However, Applejack threw a punch with her right fore hoof and hit the oven tray before it hit her. Applejack's strong hoof put a hoof sized dent in the oven tray. The force of her blow was also enough to knock Bon Bon back a little bit due to the awkward balance from holding the tray. Seeing her change, Applejack ran at Bon Bon and socked her in the face with her left hoof. Then she grabbed Bon Bon by the face and slammed her into the sink, breaking the water faucet in the process and causing water to shoot up from it. Bon Bon tries to get back up, but Applejack gets on top of her and pins her. She's not about to let her got this time as she pulls back her hoof for another punch.
Thinking quickly, Bon Bon holds her hoof over the water in such a way so that it shoots right in Applejack's face. Applejack, not seeing that coming, backs up and covers her face a bit from the sudden water intrusion. Bon Bon quickly kicks her back again which knocks Applejack back a few feet. She then does a running tackle which sends the two of them out of the room and back into the living room. The two of them then crash into the table and split it in too, miraculously sending the bong flying into the air and landing safely on the couch.
Twilight thew Lyra down into the basement with her telekinesis so hard that she hit the floor like a meteor. Just as she pulls herself up, Twilight teleports into the basement with her, then as her horn glows, every box and every object in the basement starts to levitate. Seeing what's going on, Lyra quickly ducks as Twilight tries to throw a blender at her that was in the basement for some reason. Lyra stays low and as Twilight tries to throw a large box at her, she grabs it with her own magic and throws it back at Twilight. Twilight just shoots out a bolt of magic and burns the wooden box to ash before she sends a toaster oven Lyra's way.
Staying low, Lyra catches the oven again and throws it at Twilight like before, only to have it bounce off a force field. This pattern continuing, Lyra then slowly starts to walk the dinosaur over towards Twilight. It was like this basement was meant for walking the dinosaur. Twilight keeps bombarding Lyra with devices and a painting of Bon Bon that they kept down there for some reason. Lyra catches that and sets it down in the corner.
Twilight, seeing that Lyra is getting closer, ignites the ground and cold, basement floor and makes it start to burn. Seeing this, Lyra gets up and makes a mad dash for Twilight. Twilight, having put her shield down to ignite the floor, gets tackled by Lyra as the two of them disappear in a golden light.
The two of them appear in the living room right above the table in front of the couch. Unfortunately, they appear right as Bon Bon tackles Applejack into the table. As such, Lyra slams Twilight down right on top of Bon Bon, which causes her to yell out in pain.Twilight, her fall being broken by a soft Bon Bon, smirks up at Lyra before she kicks her off of her and towards the wall. That done, she gets up off of Bon Bon and her horn starts to glow. She grabs Lyra in a magenta glow before she can hit the wall, and slams her into the ceiling.
Applejack, not about to let a chance like this go, punches Bon Bon in the side, then kicks her right in her chest with her two powerful legs and knocks her into the ceiling as well.
Twilight, with Lyra still in her telekinetic glow, slams her into the floor and then into the ceiling again. After one last slam into the floor, she then throws Lyra right through the window next to the door that Bon Bon looked through earlier and shatters it. Even after she flies through the window, she doesn't stop flying.
Applejack, not one to be outdone, gets back up, and right as Bon Bon falls from the ceiling, she reared up her back legs, and kicked Bon Bon as hard as she could, sending her flying right out the door.
With them gone, Twilight and Applejack just stand there for a moment breathing heavily. The battle was won in their favor, but they weren't done just yet.
-Meanwhile-
In the house across the street, Berry Punch and Minuette had just finished making furious love to each other on their couch as they lay there in their afterglow. Minuette was about to speak when suddenly and without warning, Lyra crashed through their window and into their living room. Startled, they both sat up and grabbed onto each other. Bon Bon then suddenly crashed through their door and rolled on the ground onto her belly as they did.
Neither of them spoke, they honestly had no idea what they had just seen.
Lyra groaned a bit as she tried to get back up on her hooves. Bon Bon was just barely getting to her hooves as well. Lyra looked around the room a little bit before her eyes locked on Berry Punch and Minuette.
"Oh..." she said aloud as she could clearly see what she had just crashed into. Her face lit up red and she began to laugh a little. Neither Berry Punch or Minuette spoke. "This might seem like an inopportune moment to ask but..." Lyra said to them. The sound of Bon Bon groaning caught their attention for a moment as she had just gotten back to her hooves. Once that was done and gone, Lyra turned back to Berry Punch and Minuette. "Wanna have a foursome?" She asked, smiling sheepishly.
At the suggestion of that, Berry Punch's face lit up.
"Sure!" She said as Minuette smiled to herself. Bon Bon just looked over at the two of them and then at Lyra. As her eyes met Lyra's she could only giggle to herself. Lyra just gave her a quick wink and a smug grin in response.
Suddenly you hear a very peculiar and very loud noise. Turning to find the source you see a Hind helicopter flying past. You can just barely make out Jesus (wearing some really swag shades) in the pilots seat. Suddenly, the cockpit opens and the co-pilot stands up, and you see it is none other than Solid Snake himself! Snake sees you and yells out, "YOU'LL NEVER BE AS COOL AS ME MOTHERBUCKER!!!" before giving you a pair of really rude hand gestures and flying off with Jesus. As they fly off into the sunset, you see Discord zoom over your head, shaking his fist at the Hind helicopter before following it into the distance. This... odd display has gained the attention of everypony in hearing distance, who are now giving you VERY strange looks.
Your attention is momentarily taken away from the strange building when you hear a very peculiar noise. A loud very peculiar noise. You look up and you feel your jaw drop past the center of the Earth when you see it.
Above you, a hind helicopter suddenly flies past with Jesus at the controls. No really, Jesus is at the controls, you can barely make him out, but its him. The helicopter flies above you and stops for a moment. Then suddenly, the cockpit opens up. Once it does, the co-pilot stands up. At the sight of him you feel your jaw form a new hole on the other side of the earth.
Solid Snake stands up from the helicopter, points at you and yells out at the top of his lungs "YOU'LL NEVER BE AS COOL AS ME MOTHERBUCKER!!!" Before throwing you several rude hand gestures (go to 4:56) at you. Then suddenly the cockpit closes and the helicopter flies away leaving you speechless.
You make a mental note to ask Lyra just what the hell kind of drugs she gave you when you're not fleeing for you life. You hope she and Bon Bon are okay.
With a running start, do an amazing flying kick into that carousel. Knocking the door down in the process.
with a combination of 'highness', badassness, and miniture pants, 2 words somehow spring to mind- Fuck Doors - you Parkour the shit out of the boutique, using moves the french would be envious of.
Because of your situation, you think pony interaction should be kept to a minimum. So you climb ninja-like through a dark window on the second story. Leap to the floor in a cat-woman pose...only to land on something soft.
and furry.
called Opal.
Run over to the building, bust the door down, smooch the surprised Unicorn on the lips, run back out the door, and casually grab a pony and rape them while running. Also, don't forget those pistachios you shoved in your pocket.
Using your new badass skills, enter through the front door. (Quite badass, yes?)
Kick down the door and shout "It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum and I'm all out of bubblegum." Then when rarity tries to attack you, chuck norris comes out of nowhere and roundhouse kicks her to the moon which explodes into millions of fiery flowers of death. Then he looks at you and gives you a note that says: You owe me. You proceed to leave through the window like a boss but then you are mauled by a giant mutant opal who strangely sounds like Obama.
I regret nothing!! ...
Kick Down the door, find the nearest cat, punt kick it out the window, then a Freddie mercury pose, you know the one.
Busy down the door and yell: "THIS IS THE POLICE!!!" And use your fingers as a mock gun.
You decide to go to the nearest door, knock the door to see if there's someone inside, nobody answer it then you remembered watching that movie "Wreck-it-Ralph" and doing your best impression of Ralph you started to shout: ¡¡I'M GONNA WRECK IT!!
And ¡BANG!, now that door is history.
I regret nothing.
Ok the next thing you do now is very calmly walk over towards the carousel building and... CARTWHEEL KICK THE FUCKING DOOR IN LIKE A BADASS!
start singing indestructible by disturbed and throw an epic manly punch at the door, punching a hole right through it knock from the inside and open the door with the hand inside the building
run through the house up the stairs and jump out another window because its so badass and land on the roof of the next building then start ninja hopping into the sunset
With the helicopter gone, you return your attention to the strange carousel-like building in front of you. Part of you wants to stop what you are doing and look for a cardboard box you can sneak around it, but since you've already used that joke and the fact that there don't seem to be any cardboard boxes around, that doesn't appear to be happening anytime soon.
You make a mental note to look out for any cardboard boxes that might show up in the future though. This time Snake just made it personal. Anyway back to the matter at hand.
Perhaps its a strange combination of the drugs, the pants, and the fact that you just jumped out a window like a badass a second ago, but right now you are feeling like an absolute badass. So, with feeling like a badass, you come to one conclusion.
'FUCK DOORS,' you think to yourself as you make a mad dash for the building. Yeah, definitely must be the drugs.
RUN!
And run you do.
The song Indestructible by Disturbed begins to play in your head as you run as fast as you can towards the building. Yes this is the perfect song for the perfect badass. You are a badass. You are unstoppable. No- YOU ARE INDESTRUCTIBLE!!! NOTHING WILL STOP YOU NOW, NOT EVEN A PURPLE UNICORN!!!
As you get close to the building, you suddenly realize that you need a badass line for a badass entrance.
"IMAWREKTHAPOLICEIVECOMETOKICKASSANDCHEWBUBBLEGUMANDIMALLOUTOFGUM JEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You scream at the top of your lungs as you jump up and throw a flying kick towards the door because FUCK DOORS! You are a badass and badasses do not need to use doors!
It only occurs to you afterwards that you should have screamed "DYNAMIC ENTRY!!!" as well, but que sera sera you suppose.
You're a badass right now. Wanting to continue your badass streak, you do a flying kick into the door. Unfortunately, Rarity paid top bit for a well constructed door that couldn't be forced open by thieves. You think you feel your foot bones disintegrate into powder upon contact. So instead, you flying kick (with your other foot) into one of the windows. Unfortunately, it's reinforced, bullet proof glass. You feel your other foot shatter.
Unfortunately, the second your foot hits the door, you stop dead in your tracks. You can swear you feel every bone in your foot shatter. The door doesn't budge an inch and you feel your badass powers evaporate instantly upon contact with it.
"OW!!!!" You scream as you fall to the floor and grab your poor foot in your hands. "OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!" You say over and over again as if somehow that will help it heal instantly.
Instinct taking over, you quickly leap to your feet, rush past her into the building and shut the door behind you.
"What..." Is all the alabaster unicorn can say before you are suddenly on your knees with your hands clasped together.
explain yourself but DO NOT mention that you're high and grovel for a place to hide.
"PLEASE HELP ME!!!" You say to the alabaster unicorn trying not to sound as high as you obviously are. "YOU'VE GOT TO LET ME HIDE HERE PLEASE!!!" You tell her.
The unicorn just gives you an extremely confused look in response. She obviously has NO IDEA what is going on.
Explain the situation calmly and reasonably for once and then kindly ask her help.
Quickly explain your situation at a speed that even Pinkie Pie (not that you know who that is) would be impressed with.
Grovel like a true bad ass and then beg for mercy in the most manly way possible ....
Explain the situation a calmly as you can. (which is not at all)
Grovel for a place to hide as manly as possible, its the only way.
Tell her about the crazy purple pony whos trying to do crazy unspeakable acts on your person. Be sure to stress to her that you are not high and her manikins 'manequins?' are definitly not talkin to you. They are definitly not demanding you to "give them the mechanical man".
Explain to her to situation, hope to god (since jesus is clearly out ot get you.) she does.
1 explain how purple and orange ponies are trying to rape and murder you
2 beg for her to hide you
3 hope she dosent rat you out
In all seriousness though, explain to her how twilight is apparently hell-bent on raping you, and applejack seems to have joined her. Hopefully after you explain the situation to her, she'll help you in any way she can, and WON'T join the raep train (destination: you), because lets face it, you want to survive with your virginity intact, don't you?
"2 words! CRAZY! PURPLE! UNICORN! owait that's 3"
Well, you don't see any other way out of this now. Its time to come clean. You relax, take in a deep breath, and calmly begin to explain the situation to her. Or, at least, you would if not for the combination of the drugs still in your system, as well as the insane amount of terror you are feeling right now.
"I'M BEING CHASED BY A CRAZY PURPLE UNICORN WHOSE TRYING TO RAPE ME!!!" You practically scream at her while trying not at all to sound like you are obviously high as you grovel at her feet.... hooves.
"WHAT!" The alabaster french unicorn responds with a look of shock.
"TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS TRYING TO RAPE ME!" You say to her again. "LYRA AND BON BON TRIED TO HELP ME BUT-!!!" You try to explain but she cuts you off.
"Wait. Twilight!?" She replies, now seeming even more confused.
"YES!" You reply. "SHE AND APPLEJACK HAVE..." again she cuts you off.
"Why!?" She asks with a mixture of shock and curiosity on her face as well as the obvious confusion.
"I DON'T KNOW!" You explain. "I JUST WOKE UP HERE AND... AND.... LOOK I DON'T KNOW WHY, SHE JUST IS!!!" You scream at her. "SHE'S ALREADY HURT LYRA AND BON BON AND NOW SHE'S... SHE'S" The look of shock and confusion is still stuck on her face, and it doesn't look like its gonna be leaving anytime soon.
In panic you look around the room and notice all the clothes lying about on the walls, shelves as well as several mannequins that look like horses. Given all this you come to the conclusion that this is some kind of clothing store, which is strange to you cause other than that strange jumpsuit you saw Twilight wearing earlier and Applejack's hat, you don't think you've seen any pony wear clothes while you were here. Hell, the alabaster unicorn in front of you isn't wearing any clothes.
Still, seeing all these cloths gives you an idea.
I am from another universe help me hide from the purple unicorn trying to rape me and I'll teach u about may universes fashion
Tell her if she hides you from the purple rapist, you will tell her everything you know about human clothing and fashion, if you know nothing, make up shit that sounds reasonable.
You look through the door and see enough to conclude she is a dress maker. Then say this.
" I see you are a dress maker. I'm from a far away land. I will share my knowledge of my cultures fashion if you hide me from the insane purple one."
"Look, I see that you're a dress maker." You say to her more calmly than you were previously. "I'm from a far away land," Okay that's exaggerating a bit, "and I will share my knowledge of my culture's clothing and fashion if you hide me from her."
Okay you are clearly grasping at straws here. You obviously know nothing about human fashion and you've never taken the time to learn about it, but still you're pretty sure that she wouldn't know any better so whatever bullshit you can make up she'll believe you.
Now she looks even more confused than before. Seeing this, you decide to use one of the ancient, time tested methods of old.
Tell her the truth... And by that I mean, grab her by the shoulders, shake back and forth, and say in scared tone, "Twilight is trying to rape me!"
"PLEASE HELP ME!!!" You scream at again as you grab her shoulders and begin to shake her kind of violently, messing up her mane a little in the process. "TWILIGHT IS TRYING TO RAPE ME PLEASE LET ME HIDE HERE!!!" You say in a way that doesn't make you sound obviously high.
"RARITY!!!!!!" You suddenly hear a familiar voice call from outside. Terrified, you stop shaking her and look around. You notice a clothing rack with many large clothing pieces on it that reach the floor.
Acting on instinct, you quickly dash over to the rack of clothes and hide behind them.
"HEY WHAT ARE YOU!" The unicorn yells at you as you push the clothes aside and then push them back.
"RARITY!!!!!!" You hear again followed by a frantic knocking on the door. Thank god that you know that door is reinforced.
You mouth the word "Please" to her one last time before you duck your head behind the clothes and pray for the best. You hear the alabaster unicorn mumble something under her breath as she fixes her mane and trots back over to the door. You're too afraid to poke your head back out so you can't see, but you can at least hear what is going on.
"Ah good afternoon Twilight darling," You hear the alabaster unicorn say to the clearly insane purple unicorn at the door. "What brings you here tod-"
"You haven't seen a human running around here have you!?" Twilight asks her rather frantically.
"A human?"
"Yes," Twilight says. "Six foot tall bipedal apes without any hair on their bodies. Have you seen one!" She clearly sounds like she's desperate given the way she is talking.
"Hmm...." You hear the alabaster unicorn, which you now know to be named Rarity, say to herself as you can only assume to puts a hoof to her chin in thought. This is it... the moment of truth... will she hide you.... Will she...
Let me consult Mokuba real quick. What should he do?
"Hit her in the nads!"
She doesn't have those things!
"In that case, I'm all out of options."
Thanks, Mokuba. As always you've been a big help.
"No problem, bro."
Explain the situation to her as calmly as you can- you know what fuck it if she doesn't believe you after you tell her your situation then just threaten to ruin all of her dresses by squirting ketchup onto all of them. THIS IS BY FAR THE MOST LOGICAL REASONING YOU CAN DEDUCE!
You begin to form a series of plans in your head for what to do in case she rats you out. Unfortunately you don't have any ketchup with you. You do however, still have the bag of pistachios that you nicked from Lyra's house before Twilight and Applejack barged in. Lets see... maybe you can...
"No," you suddenly hear Rarity say, bringing all of your thoughts to a screeching halt. "I don't believe I have." Inwardly you sigh.
"Are you sure!?" Twilight frantically asks her.
"Darling," Rarity says to her in that sweet, yet fake, french accent of hers. "if I did see a giant hairless ape running around, you are the first pony I would tell about it." She calmly explains to her. "Besides its not like something like that would be easy to miss."
"So you didn't see anything!?"
"No darling, no giant hairless monkeys came by here."
"ARE YOU SURE!!!!!"
"Yes, I am definitely sure darling," You're quite sure from behind the clothing you can hear Rarity smiling. There is silence between them for a few moments, but then suddenly you hear Twilight sigh loudly.
"All right," she says as you hear her turn around to leave. "If you do see anything let me know." You hear her says as she walks out the door.
"Darling, you'll be the first pony I'll tell if I see any hairless apes running about," you hear Rarity says to her as she follows out the door. A second later, you hear the door shut. Twilight is gone, and you let out the breath you didn't even realize you had been holding since you hid in here.
"You can come out now," You hear Rarity call to you. Needing no further encouragement, you stand back up to see her looking right at you with a pleasant smile on her face. "Now, lets..."
Hugs, tons of hugs
You don't even give her a chance to finish that sentence before you jump out from behind the clothing rack and hug her furiously.
"THANKYOUTHANKYOUTANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!" You repeatedly say to her over and over again. You really are genuinely happy she helped you. Seriously you had serious doubts on this one.
"Oh its quite all right," she says to you as she gently pushes you away with a hoof. "Now, lets not waste any time and get you upstairs."
"Upstairs?" You respond, suddenly nervous. All those doubts you had about her are coming back.
"Of course," she replies as genuinely as ever. "If she comes back she's going to find you if you're still down here."
"Oh..." you say in realization. Of course that's what she meant. "Yeah... Yeah lets go upstairs." You say to her as she walks right past you and heads up a flight of stairs at the back of her shop. You follow close behind her.
-One flight of stairs later-
"Would you care for some tea?" She politely asks you as the two of you enter her workshop upstairs. You see a lot of fabrics and unfinished projects lying about.
"No thank you," you reply as gentlemanly as you can. "But thank you for the offer Ms..." You're pretty sure you already know your name, but you wanna her her say it just to make sure.
"Oh by Celestia where are my manners," she says as she does a little curtsey to you, or at least the pony equivalent of a curtsey. "I am Rarity. Fashion designer and owner of the lovely carousel boutique." You're guessing that's the name of her shop.
You politely introduce yourself afterwards. You can obviously tell that this pony is of a higher class than most, so you try to be as gentlemanly as possible. After all, she did take you in and hide you from Twilight. You DO NOT want to fuck this up.
"Look um..." you being to say to her "About the secrets of fashion thing,"
"Oh its quite all right," Rarity says to you as she walks around the room picking up different fabrics as well as some measuring tape. "I can tell you're not one for fashion. Its written all over you." You're somewhat relieved that she didn't expect you to follow up on that. You're not sure what you would have done. "Especially with those pants!" She says as she points a hoof at them, an almost worried look on her face.
"These?" You look down at them. "They're Lyra's." Rarity's eyes went as wide as dinner plates as those words hit her ears. "Yeah I didn't have any pants when I came here, so she lent me her's." You explain to her as calmly and as innocently as you can, which isn't very good.
"Oh," she says, her eyes returning to normal size. She eyes you up and down for a moment, a look of obvious intrigue on her face. "Hmm..." she says again. Then suddenly, her face lights up like a supernova. "IDEA!!!!" She practically sings. Inspiration must have struck. "I'll make you a new pair of pants. One more suited to your size and stature." She says as she suddenly levitates a bunch more fabrics over towards her.
"Nah, nah you don't have to do that," You say to her.
"NONSENSE!" She says as she levitates the measuring tape over towards you and wraps it around your waist. "Those pants as much to small for you. You need something more... how should I say..." she says as she walks closer and begins to ponder as she walks around you to get a better feel of your exact stature. "Stallionly... Maybe a nice jet black or burgundy... or maybe..." Suddenly her face lights up again as inspiration has obviously struck a second time. "IDEA AGAIN!!!" She sings. "Why just make the pants when I can make you a whole suit to go with them. I swear by Celestia you'll look so fabulous!!!"
"No, you don't have to do that for me..." you try to say to her as she takes another lap around you.
"Hold your forehooves out," she says, obviously ignoring you. You're confused at first by what she meant, but then you obviously get that she means your arms so you do. She holds up the measuring tape against your chest and measures your arm span. Next to her you can see a notepad and quill floating by as she jots down your arm span measurement.
Since you're obviously not going to talk her out of it, you just remain silent and let her work as she takes seemingly a dozen measurements at once and writes them all down. You think you notice that she seems to look longer than she should, but you brush it off as nothing. She hasn't done anything to you yet. Suddenly, realization struck you.
"Wait," you ask her.
"Yes," she practically sings again as she looks up at you.
"Do you know Twilight by any chance?" The way she was talking to her at the door kind of tipped you off to that. This may be a shot in the dark but...
"Why of course," Rarity happily replies. "She's one of my best friends." As she says that she jots down one last measurement and then heads over to her drawing table to make a few quick sketches.
You relax for a moment. This is perfect, a unicorn who is not only willing to help you and make you a new set of clothes as well as pants, but she knows the insane purple unicorn chasing you. There is so much you can learn here.
Uh, well... *sigh* I've got nothing. Wait- I got something... How about the shock from the episode downstairs de-highed him? I'm getting really tired of people saying that he's high, so he can do anything.
You start to feel yourself sobering up. Partly due to the sudden shock and then relief of what happened downstairs. (It seriously scared the crap out of you, you were that close to being caught), partly due to all the running you've been doing, and partly due to the fact that you're trying to keep your composure up right now.
That's good. It means that you have the ability to ask Rarity here actual legitimate questions that you actually want to know the answer to.
You decide to ask the most logical one first.
Mentally remember that you have to be able to run at any moment and be prepared to do so. Do whatever you need for the cloths though if you have to get naked make sure your old ones are within reach so you can bolt with them. Ask her about the world and what she knows of humans. Forget your modesty temporarily and follow her instructions.( for the cloths, no sex) Ask about twilight. After you get the cloths consider a fallback point ( the forest?) Attempt to do some chores to pay for cloths. After all of the above ask Rarity to check on bon bon and lyra. that is all.
Get as much information about Twilight as possible and hope Solid Snake, Jesus, and Discord don't tell her where you are.
"So, who is Twilight Sparkle anyway?" you ask her. If nothing else, you at least want to know who is chasing you and why.
"Oh, she runs the local library here in Ponyville," Rarity explain to you as she looks back and forth between her sketches and several fabrics that she pulls out via magic. "We've been good friends ever since she moved here from Canterlot. She's a little socially awkward sometimes, but nevertheless she's one of the nicest ponies I know." It takes all of your willpower to keep yourself from bursting out laughing as you hear that. "And if I do say so myself, she's also one of the most talented magic users in all of Equestria." And all your laughter goes away upon hearing that. Great, you're being chased by the most powerful mage in this world. "Next to The Princesses of course." Rarity add as she turns back to you and holds up a piece of fabric. She looks between it and you for a moment before going back to her sketches.
Okay, now that that's out of the way, now onto the important question.
You ask, "So, does Twilight often kidnap beings from different dimension so she can have her way with them?"
¿Do you know why does Twillight have a strange fetish with humans?
Ask her, whats wrong with all the apperent problem with Twilight?
You try to ask polity as possible if rarity has the SLIGHTEST clue of why twilight it trying to kill you.
Now as gentlemanly as possible you ask her if she knows If it is a regular occurrence for random unicorns to summon beings from a different dimension and try to molest in a violent and crazy homicidal fashion?
Ask "Is there a logical reason the purple unicorn wants to rape me? Oh and by the way... I don't have any money... I left all of it in another pair of pants... In another universe..."
Would you have any Idea Twilight wanted to have sexual intercourse with me? And how she even got me here in the first place?
"Is she always crazy?"
"Hypothetically, is there any reason why Twilight would be trying to inflict harm upon others all for the sole purpose of placing me in a position of forced intercourse?"
Might as well be professional with your question, right?
Ask her, in the most gentlemanly and dapper way possible, why is Twilight trying to molest you? Was she always like this? Is she in heat?
"Um... Do you have any idea why..." You begin to ask in the most gentlemanly and dapper way possible. You need to be careful how you phrase this question. "Why Twilight is trying to have her way with me?" Rarity doesn't respond. "I mean, is she always this crazy? Does she have a fetish for humans or something?"
"Hmm..." Rarity says aloud as she levitates a sheet of burgundy fabric to herself. "I'm sorry but I'm afraid I can't help you with that one." She replies as she turns around and walks over to you with the fabric sheet floating next to her. "Hold still for a moment please," she says as she pushes the fabric up against you. She looks on with intrigue as she does. "I know I've told her before that she needs to get out more often, but this is just ridiculous." She then pulls the fabric away and the measuring tape returns. You spread your arms out again for her as she takes several measurements of your torso seemingly at once. Seeming satisfied, she turns back and heads back over to her workbench with her measuring tape and fabric in tow. "In all honesty, I don't think I can tell you what's wrong with Twilight or what's gotten into her."
"So this isn't a normal occurrence for her then?" You suddenly regret asking that question as you say it. The instant Rarity reaches her workbench, she drops everything from her telekinetic grasp and turns back around to face you. The look on her face is one of absolute shock.
"WHAT!" She says. "No! By Celestia no! Of course its not. She would never...!!!"
"Okay okay!" you say as you put your hands up. "I'm sorry I asked." The look of shock drops from Rarity's face as she lets out a sigh.
"I suppose I shouldn't blame you," she says as she turns back around to face her workbench. You see her set the fabric on the table and begin to cut it with a pair of scissors. "You only just got here and that's the greeting you get from her. Simply abysmal." You let out a small sigh at the relief that this unicorn is so understanding. You wait a moment before asking your next question.
"You wouldn't happen to know how she got me here would you? Or how I can get back?"
"I'm sorry darling, but I'm afraid not," she says as she's still focused on her work. "Twilight's the powerful magic user, I'm just a fashionista." She stops for a moment to look back and flick her hair at you. "And the best there is, if I do say so myself." She says with a smile on her face before she continues her work.
Suddenly, a realization dawns on you.
"Umm..." you begin to say to her. "I'm sorry but uh, I don't have any money to pay for those clothes you're making." You try to explain. "I mean my wallet's back in..."
"Oh its quite all right darling," Rarity says to you as she turns back around to face you. "When one shows up in a strange new place without clothes the least I can do is make you something decent when you clearly need it." She says in a not at all condescending tone, and then waves her hoof. "Don't worry about the money darling, just remember me when everypony ask you where you acquired such fabulous clothes."
"Thanks," you say to her. My god, you can't believe how generous this pony is. "I owe you one. I really do." You say to her. After all you are still a gentlemen. She lets out a giggle before returning to her work.
With the mood restored, you feel free to ask more questions. You still wait a moment before asking another question just to be safe, and this time you try not to make it sound so possibly insulting. To her or to Twilight.
Ask her what the purple unicorn has been doing lately to get her to summon a badass like you for?
Has Twilight been acting weird before today? As in "can't find a boyfriend worth jack crack" kind of a way?
"How was Twilight acting before I suddenly popped up here?" (To help figure out the motive behind all the chasing)
"How was Twilight acting before I suddenly popped up here?" you ask her. If she doesn't know Twilight's reasoning behind this, then at least she can help you figure it out.
"Hmm..." she lifts her head in thought as she ponders the question. "Well, she has been locking herself in her library for the past few days. She hardly ever comes out unless she needs something, and even then she usually just sends Spike out for those."
"Spike?" you ask curiously.
"Her assistant," she replies to you. Great, one more person you have to watch out for.
"Was she acting weird at all before that?" You ask her. "Like in any specific way?" You would go further, but you don't wanna nearly fuck this up again.
"No, not really. She was acting just fine until a week ago. Then out of nowhere she just shut herself in her library and wouldn't come out." She explains. "She said she was researching something important, but we never found out what it was. Even Spike said he wasn't sure what she was doing."
Okay that makes a little bit of sense. About a week before you showed up, everything was apparently normal, then something happened which drove Twilight mad enough to research something with obviously led to you getting here. Now if you could only find out the details of that, everything would be good. Still, there is kind of one minor thing that's been on your mind since this all started.
WHAT THE FUCK IS IN PONY SUTRA AND WHY DID TWILIGHT TRY TO RAPE ME AND LEEEERRROOOYYYY JEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNKINS!
¡¿AND WHAT IN THE FUCKING WORLD DOES PONY SUTRA MEANS?!
"Umm... this might seem like a strange question," you say to her as calmly as possible. "But just what the fuck is the Pony Sutra?" At that, Rarity stops what she is doing (which is setting up a sewing machine) and immediately turns to face you. You swear she has on the most perfect poker face you've ever seen.
"The what?" She asks you. You calmly explain to her how Twilight had that on her when you first woke up. You leave out the detail that you ripped a page from it by accident, though. Though to be fair that was entirely Twilight's fault.
"Oh..." she says to you, though she still keeps her poker face up. "Well... its...." You can see her face begin to blush now. "Its essentially what you saw. Its a book that describes many different ways in which a mare can..... satisfy.... a stallion." You can swear her face is completely red by this point. "She does work in a library so of course she would have a copy of it somewhere, but why she had that when she found you... I'm sorry darling but I'm afraid I'm of no help there either." She throws on the most sheepish smile you've ever seen as she finishes that explanation.
At this you decide to change the subject. You at least think to before another sudden realization hits you.
"So, um... If twilight is friends with you, and she wants to Rap-erm... find me. WHY ARE YOU HELPING ME? AND WHY IS SHE TRYING TO RAP-erm... FIND ME?!"
"Wait..." you say to her. "So, um... If Twilight is friends with you, and she wants to.... rap-erm... find me. Then WHY ARE YOU HELPING ME?" The blush on Rarity's face dies down for a bit as those words hit her ears.
"Wha wha wha..." Rarity says as she moves back a little, only for her rump to hit her workstation. "Oh no no no no no no no... I'm not... I'm not..." she's obviously more than a little nervous at the moment. "And I'm helping you because its the right thing to do." She adds with a smile.
"It is?" you ask in response.
"Why, of course," she replies. "This is hardly the first time Twilight has well.... gone crazy, as you put it." You can see the blush on her face begin to fade as she says this. "Usually its over little things like forgotten assignments or somepony is pressuring her, or when she can't explain something... or when she has to save the world, but nevertheless. Clearly I could see that she was not in her right mind, so I thought it best that until she calms herself back down and acts like a reasonable pony, it would be in both of your best interests to keep you away from her. Its really that simple darling." She adds with a sheepish smile.
"Okay..." you say, you really have no choice but to believe her at this point.
how do I protect myself from that insane unicorn?
Ask Rarity if there is any way to defend yourself from the Purple molester, in case she finds you again.
"By any chance is there some way I can protect myself from her in case she comes back?" you ask her, even though you know you're more than likely not going to get much of an answer.
"Not that I know of," Rarity responds. "I'm sorry."
"It's all right," you assure her.
Ask her what authority you could appeal to in order to have twilight arrested for harassment, assault, and attempted rape.
"Is there any kind of authority I could appeal to in order to have her arrested for harassment, assault, and attempted rape if worst comes to worst?" You ask. Rarity seems kind of shocked that you would even suggest that, but given the circumstances, she kind of understands.
"Well...." she says. "I suppose you could write a letter to Princess Celestia, but I'm not sure that would even do anything. Twilight would likely be able to explain what she is doing and why to her." That name rings a bell.
"Uh... Rarity? Who is this 'Celestia' person everybody- I mean, pony, talks about?"
"Yeah, about that. Just who is this 'Celestia' person everybody..." You stop a moment to correct yourself. "I mean, pony, talks about?"
"Princess Celestia is our leader," Rarity responds without a second's delay. "She rules over the nation of Equestria with kindness and fairness for everypony." Well that at least sounds nice. "Twilight is also her personal student." Rarity adds. Suddenly you are less enthused about the prospect of contacting her.
"Yeah, she mentioned that earlier," you bring up. At that, Rarity falls silent. She looks at you with a mixture of confusion and a hint of worry. Whether its for yourself or for Twilight you aren't sure, though given that she is Twilight's friend, you think you can understand what is going through your head.
Roll with it! Be her bestest best human friend EVAR! Scratch her behind her ears!
Play nice with the helpful one?
"Hey," you say to her as you walk on up to her and put your left hand on her head. She just looks up at you with the same look in her eyes. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything I don't have to." You say to her as you begin scratching behind her ears. It worked on Lyra, might as well try it on her. "If we can talk this out I will, but for now, I'm just considering what to do," you say to her as you keep scratching.
She doesn't respond, not with words anyway. You see her close her eyes and watch as the look on her face changes from one of worry to something pleasant. She smiles pleasantly and leans into your hand as you scratch her head. Apparently she likes it. She then starts humming a tune to herself as you move around her head to her other ear, which she also leans into. If you didn't know any better you could swear she was humming the tune to Poker Face by Lady Gaga.
Still... she doesn't appear to be worried anymore, and she's definitely enjoying your petting.
Start scratching her behind her ears and ask in the most seductive voice possible: "How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie pop?"
"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?" you ask her in a sensual voice as you pet her. You're not sure why. She just giggles to herself at that (you have to admit the sound of her giggle is a lot cuter than some of the other ponies you've heard so far).
"Oh, that doesn't even make any sense," she replies as she opens her eyes back up to look at you. You ponder for a moment why the hell that wouldn't make sense, but then you realize that tootsie pops probably don't exist here. Still, you can't help but smile to yourself at that.
You realize that you're still hungry, so you ask Rarity if she has any steak you can eat. Some nice, juicy, bloody steak. Preferably still relatively fresh. She seems high class so she must have some high class food around, right?
She doesn't have any steak, but she does serve you up a nice salad. Given that ponies would obviously be vegetarians you obviously should have seen this coming. Still, it wasn't a bad salad by any means. Hell it even had avocados in it. AVOCADOS!!! By god and all that is holy YOU LOVE AVOCADOS (even if you say you don't, you're wrong you definitely do).
Eventually Rarity finishes up the suit she was making for you. You gotta admit you're surprised that she managed to get it done so damn fast, especially with what she came up with. Still, looking at yourself in the mirror, you have to admit, you look pretty damn boss. Now this is the kind of suit that a bawller boss like you would wear. Seriously this thing has so much swag you can feel it. Rarity even made a pair of shoes to go with it. This is awesome, hell its beyond awesome.
THE SWAG IS OFF THE WALLS WITH THIS SUIT!!!
Like the gentleman that you are, you thank Rarity for it, and she only responds by saying that its only nothing. Only nothing your ass, this is the finest suit you've ever been in, and to her its only nothing. Hell, you gotta see what she can do if you actually pay her for something.
Eventually, from the window you see the sun goes down, it will be dark soon. How you got lucky enough to hide here for that long is beyond you. Hell, Rarity even insists that you spend the night so you can keep hiding from Twilight. You must have gotten lucky with this house.... INCREDIBLY LUCKY!!! Still, there is still one issue.
"Um... Where..." you begin to ask. "Where will I sleep?"
"Why in the bed of course." Rarity replies as she points over to the bed in her room, which you are now in. Since she is of higher class, she does own a pretty large bed, large enough for you, but still.
"In your bed?" you ask.
"Of course," she replies. "What other bed would I mean?"
"In your bed...?
"Yes...."
"With.... yo..."
"Oh no no no no no," she says, much to your relief. "I wouldn't do that to you, not after what Twilight's been putting you through." You feel a sense of relief come over you at that, but still...
"Wha... ah no, no of course not." You say as you call onto the bed. You're not wearing your suit anymore. Its god damn nice obviously you aren't gonna sleep in it.
"Good night," you say to Rarity as you pull the covers over you.
"Good night," Rarity replies in a kind of strange way as she shuts off all the lights and closes the blinds with a quick application of magic. For the first time since you got here (apart from being high), you don't feel worried, and you soon find yourself drifting off to sleep.
You declare that this cannot go wrong.
You awake to the sensation of what you think is something tugging at your leg. Slowly, you open your eyes. Its still dark so you can't see what's going on. What you do see however, is a silhouette of what is obviously Rarity at the foot of the bed with her horn glowing the same color it always does. The same glow is around your ankle.
Its at this moment that several realizations come to you all at once.
1.) The covers are missing.
2.) So are your clothes (all of them)
3.) Your hands and feet are bound by... by... well you can't really tell, its too dark.
Either way though, its obvious that Rarity has tied you to the bed.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" You scream at the top of your lungs as all this hits you at once. You try to move, but your bonds hold you tightly in place. You're not going anywhere.
"Ahh, you're awake." Rarity says as she hops up onto the bed with you. With your vision adjusted to the darkness of the room, you can see that Rarity has the same lascivious look in her eyes that Twilight did when you first got here.
Unfortunately that sound is actually the sound of the bed shaking due to your fruitless struggles to get free from the bonds that Rarity placed you in. She was made them very tight. Not enough to cut off circulation, but enough so that you wouldn't get out of them. You think for a moment how cool it would be if a hind helicopter suddenly burst in here right now, but upon retrospect, that seems kind of unlikely. Last time you saw one was when you were running here and it was being piloted by Jesus and Solid Snake, both of whom don't seem to be on your good side right now.
Rarity just walks over to you and lays down on your chest so that her face is inches away from yours.
Submit and find out what it's like to be raped by a pony. After all, she gave the the SWAG INDUCED COMA suit. Plus, you did say that you 'Owed her one'. Make this the 'One'. Plus, You're in the most insane place you've seen, and I AM YOUR MOST INSANE PART OF YOUR CONSCIENCE! Fitting, is it not?
Obviously, your human pheromones drive ponies crazy with sexual lust. You noticed how good her voice sounded before and it's dark. She has the same sexual organs as a female, just close your eyes, pretend it's a woman and go with it. You're no longer high and you don't have your pants, so there's no way you can break your bonds and get away. Plus, she has magic and a lot of sharp implements to throw at you.
Seriously. JUST. GO. WITH. IT. One night with her is probably going to be a lot better in the long run than a life as Twilights sex slave.
tell her you didn't mean to be so damn sexy it just happened and she should really try to control herself around your unbridled sexiness.
This is different. Getting fucked by a book is painful. This is a marshmellow.
The whole point of coming in here was to HIDE from an insane unicorn trying to have her way with you. NOT so you can let another insane unicorn have her way with you. Besides in both cases THEY ARE STILL PONIES!!!! YOU ARE A HUMAN!!!
THEY ARE PONIES! YOU ARE A HUMAN! THEY ARE PONIES! YOU ARE A HUMAN THEY ARE PONIES YOU ARE A HUMAN THEY ARE PONIES YOU ARE A HUMAN!!!!
YOU ARE NOT INTO PONIES!!!!!
HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY FORGET THAT!!!!!
You notice Rarity bat her eyes at you in a rather sexy manner.
Why didn't you DOOOOOODGE?!
Because you were sleeping, that's why. Not that it would have helped much anyway. Rarity lets out another giggle.
Confirm she is trying to have her way with you.
lie and say she is more appealing than Twilight.( in truth neither is appealing.)
say you want to help but cant with your arms tied down.
if this works be momentary shocked
escape
If all else fails... well there are worse things then being raped by a mare.
It could be a stallion.
I thought we were cool Rarity! Your in cahoots With Twilight!
*Try to headbutt her but end up Kissing her instead*
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME AND ALL BUT OHMYGODIDONOTWANTTODOTHISTHANKYOUVERYMUCH!!!" To say that you screamed would be the understatement of the century. Being the badass that you are, you would say that it was more of a manly shout. But deep down you know it was more of a flip-out.
"Oh, wait..." you begin, regaining a little bit of your composure as you put two and two together. "You're Twilight Sparkle, but you've taken Rarity's form. Am I right?"
Then...
Wait for it...
"OHMYGODWHATTHEHELLDIDYOUDOWITHRARITY?!?!?!"
The logical part of your brain starts to take over again. You ask the most obvious question first.
"Rarity! What the hell! I thought we were cool!" Suddenly a realization its you. "Oh no... You're in cahoots with Twilight aren't you!?" Suddenly, an even more frightening, and somehow more logical conclusion dawns on you. "OH MY GOD YOU'RE TWILIGHT IN RARITY'S FORM AREN'T YOU???!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH RARITY!!!!" Rarity just lets out another, rather sexy, giggle at that.
"Oh no no no no," she says to you and then takes a moment to stop laughing. Apparently she found your accusation rather humorous. "I am not in cahoots with Twilight, and I am certainly not her in disguise." Your confusion only increases. "After you told me about what my dear Twilight was trying to do to you. I.... well, I let myself get a little curious. And I must say..." she says as she extends one of her rear hooves towards your nether regions. "I am impressed."
Did a pony just compliment you on the size of your reproductive organs...? cause it seriously just sounded like that. You're not really sure how you should feel about that. Still, focus man. Focus.
you try to get out of the ropes as best you can, but only find your stuck.
"Please rarity! Don't-Don't do it! Please! I-I didn't think you would do something like this!" You hold back tears hoping she doesn't notice
"Rarity... come on now," you say to her. "Please Rarity! Don't-Don't do it! Please! I-I didn't think you would do something like this!" you try to hold back tears as you say this.
"Oh Don't worry dear," she replies. "I won't be like Twilight. I'll be gentle. I'll treat you with love and tenderness. I won't force myself on you like she tried to do."
"THEN WHY DID YOU TIE ME UP!!!???" You ask in response.
"So you wouldn't run away," she replies. Well, you can't argue with her logic there.
Yell out you have the worse STD you can think at this moment and hope she believes you
1. Say the only reason you don't want to have sex is cause you have an STD
"I HAVE STD's!!!"
I HAVE STD'S, IF YOU DO ME YOU WILL DIE!!!
"I HAVE STD'S!!!" You yell out. "IF YOU DO ME YOU WILL DIE!!! THAT'S THE REAL REASON WHY I RAN FROM TWILIGHT!!!"
"Oh nothing a little unicorn magic can't handle," you feel her start to grind her hips on you as she says that. Well, there goes that plan.
Being the smart, resourceful person you are (and also a total badass, no matter what Solid Snake says) you calm yourself and use your singular advantage in this situation: her complete lack of knowledge of your species. You look at her with the BEST POKER FACE IN THE GODDAMN UNIVERSE and say "Look, I can't really resist right now, so you can do whatever you'd like to me. But I'd just like to warn you, you know how some spiders kill their mates after sex? Human males are like that. Sex with one will literally blow your mind, and not in the fun way, more in the 'your brain matter is all over the walls' way. That's why 90% of human women are strictly lesbian. And I'm more potent than most. Why just last week I sex'd three girls to death at the same time. It was a tragedy. So go ahead, but you better make it the best night of your life, cause you're only going to get to do this once."
At that, you calm yourself down, she's obviously not going for normal excuses.
"Okay, look," you say to her. "I can't really resist right now, so you can do whatever you'd like to me. But I'd just like to warn you, you know how some spiders kill their mates after sex? Human males are like that. Sex with one will literally blow your mind, and not in the fun way, more in the 'your brain matter is all over the walls' way. That's why 90% of human women are strictly lesbian. And I'm more potent than most. Why just last week I sex'd three girls to death at the same time. It was a tragedy. So go ahead, but you better make it the best night of your life, cause you're only going to get to do this once."
Her response to that just to laugh in that sexy way she does again.
"Do you think I'm stupid?" she asks while still keeping a sort of sexy purr to her voice. You didn't even know that was possible before now.
scream at the top of your lungs "NO NOT AGAIN! HELP HELP! ANYBODY! OR er..ANYPONY! YOU PONIES ARE ALL CRAZY OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!!!!!!!!!SLJFAJDFKLJSDKJF"
Quick ask for an adult that usually works.
Scream like a little girl!
Well, with no options left, there is only one thing left for you to do.
"I NEED AN ADULT!!!" you scream at the top of your lungs like a little girl.
"I am an adult," Rarity replies as she leans in closer.
"YOU PONIES ARE ALL CRAZY OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYG-"
You screaming is cut off by Rarity leaning in close and locking her lips with yours. Yes, that just happened. You just kissed a pony. You wish you were joking right now.
Well, this is it... you're trapped, nowhere to go. It's been a good run but...
Twilight runs and says:
"HI! WHAT'S UP RARITY!??!? So what’re you doing?!?"
Rarity: "What’m I doing?"
"What’re you doing?!"
"Nothin’ much!"
"Thwarting my plans?!"
"Thwarting your plans?"
"Are you!?"
"…yes."
"I’M GONNA F*CKING KILL YOU!"
Suddenly the door to Rarity's room explodes and bursts open. Rarity removes her lips from yours and in a panic, sits up and looks over towards the door. You look over as well to see your potential savior. You do not like what you see.
Once all the smoke and dust (which was there for some reason) clears, you see, of all things, Twilight standing in the doorway. AND SHE LOOKS PISSED!!!!!!
She's still wearing that same skin tight jumpsuit that she had on before, but now the war paint she was wearing previously was gone. The bandanna she was wearing is now black and she's also wearing an eye patch over her left eye. Also her mane appears spiked up for some reason. Also floating next to her in a magical glow, is a katana. A real, sharp, as real as can possibly be katana.
'Fuck' you think to yourself. 'She looks more like Solid Snake than me!'
"Are you!?" There is silence between them for a few moments.
"…yes."
"I’M GONNA F*CKING KILL YOU!" Twilight screams as she makes a leap towards the bed, sword still in her telekinetic grasp.
Suddenly, all at once, you feel the straps on your bonds come undone, and you're suddenly picked up in a blue glow and thrown out the window, which has been opened for some reason. You fly out the window and land back on the ground in front of the boutique. You look back up at where Rarity's room to see that her window is open. You then see her poke her head out of the window at you.
"RUN MY LITTLE LOVE MONKEY!!!! RUN!!!!" She screams at you before she's suddenly pulled in by something. You can hear things breaking in there. It sounds like utter chaos.
Still, you're free now, so there is only one thing left to do.
RUN!!!
You turn around away from the boutique, not caring that you are still naked as the day you were born (no one wears clothes here anyway) and start running.
However, almost as soon as you do, you feel something hit you on the back of the head. Everything goes black.
Like with last time, please leave all comments about where to go next in the previous chapter. This one is just for fun and only exists to show Twilight and Rarity beating the crap out of each other. Enjoy.
"RUN MY LITTLE LOVE MONKEY!!!! RUN!!!!" Rarity screamed out the window before she noticed Twilight coming towards her. She had jumped off the bed and leapt right for the window. Rarity quickly got out of the way just as her horn began to glow with magic.
Right as Twilight got to the window, she stopped. She hit a blue magic force field that prevented her from getting through the window.
"What the!" She said aloud to herself before she was suddenly encased in a similar blue glow. She then looked over to see Rarity. Rarity then suddenly jumped up and with one of her rear hooves, kicked Twilight in the chest. The force of her blow combined with her magic hold on Twilight caused Twilight to fly back out away from the window and back through the door from whence she came.
Twilight flew through the door, back down the stairs, and straight into Rarity's workshop. Twilight landed on her back in the center of the room. She could only groan to herself as she got back to her feet. She got back up only to see Rarity enter the room as well, and like Twilight, she was pissed. Her horn lit up with magic and closed the door to her room behind her. It then did the same with the door downstairs and locked them both with magic. Twilight held her newly acquired katana next to her with her magic in a sort of fighting stance.
"Stay out of my way Rairty," Twilight said to her.
"Why?" Rarity replied. "Why do I have to stay out of your way. You disappear for a week and then suddenly you come back, with that thing. That... oh so sexy thing..." she cooed to herself as she looked up in a sort of love filled daze before she looked back to Twilight with the same threatening glance. "You're clearly not in your right mind. Even if you were, what reason could you possibly come up with that would be good enough for me to give him back to you." As she spoke, her horn began to glow again. Suddenly, fabrics from all around the room began to glow with the same blue color as her horn and began to float towards Rarity. The fabrics floated around her for a second before they began to come together and form what was a long, staff like pole.
"I need him!" Twilight screamed at her.
"Of course you do," Rarity replied as a pair of scissors that were being used to cut the fabric so they could form the staff began to split in half. The two halves of the scissors. then moved to the opposite ends of the staff and embedded themselves in them. Rarity had created what was a pole-arm with blades on both ends.
"You don't understand!" Twilight yelled at Rarity. "Nyarlathotep is coming! We need the centaur!"
"Enough talk!" Rarity screamed back at her friend as her fabric polearm rolled itself up like a whip before she swung it right at Twilight. The fabric unrolled itself as Rarity swung it and went right for Twilight's head. Twilight quickly held up her katana and blocked its blade before it hit her. She pushed it back, but the force of Rarity's magic was stronger than she thought.
Despite Rairty's surprising magical strength, Twilight managed to push Rarity's blow away. She then ran up to Rarity and swung her katana right at her. Rarity however, brought her weapon in front of her and blocked Twilight's attack. She slashed at it several times, but despite it being made of fabric, her blade wasn't cutting it. Twilight then swung one more time, but Rarity held up her polearm horizontally and stopped Twilight's blade.
"You're not the only one whose proficient in magic darling," Rarity said as she pushed Twilight's sword away from her and while keeping it straight, swung her polearm at Twilight. Twilight jumped back a little and blocked Rarity's blow with her katana. That didn't stop Rarity however as she swung again, and again, and again. She swung her polearm several times at Twilight, and while Twilight blocked them each time, it was a little difficult for her to keep up with. Rarity swung the thing fast.
Rarity then swung once more at Twilight. Twilight however, saw it coming and parried it. She knocked Rarity's attack away, stepped forward and swung her sword upwards. Rarity however, jumped up several feet away from Twilight and landed on the wall behind her. Her hooves stuck to the wall like a spider pony and she landed on it as if it were solid ground. She then jumped off the wall and landed on the wall on the opposite side of the room before she rolled up her polearm whip again and swung it at Twilight. The thing surprisingly extended to reach her.
Twilight however, wasn't about to be fooled twice and paired Rarity's blow. She then teleported herself up to where Rarity was on the wall and swung down at her with her katana. Rarity managed to block it, but the force of the blow was enough to knock her off the wall and send her back towards the ground. She landed on all fours and looked up at Twilight.
Twilight attached herself to the wall like Rarity and then ran down it towards her. Rarity swung her polearm up at her, but Twilight blocked it again and kept running. Sparks flew between their weapons as they ground against each other. Right as Twilight reached Rarity, she pushed her polearm away from her and swung horizontally at her.
However, right before Twilight could hit her, Rarity teleported away in a flash of blue light. Suddenly, Twilight felt Rarity's fabric polearm wrap around her torso. She saw the scissor blade about to go into her when she quickly put up a small magical force field to stop it. It did, but it didn't stop Twilight from being lifted into the air as Rarity threw her up towards the ceiling.
Twilight turned her attention back to Rarity, who was now back in the center of the room, as she was being thrown. Suddenly, time stopped for her as she was being thrown, she saw it. She quickly slashed at Rarity's polearm with her katana several times. The first few swipes did nothing, but then finally, she actually managed to cut through Rarity's magic hold and cut the fabric. A look of shock covered Rarity's face as she saw that happen.
Twilight was released from Rarity's hold mid throw and flew towards the wall on the other side of the room. She quickly flipped over and landed on her hooves like Rarity did. She focused her gaze on Rarity, who just stared back at her. Twilight then pushed herself off of the wall and launched herself right towards Rarity. Rarity quickly threw the remaining half of her polearm at Twilight to stop her, but Twilight teleported away just before it hit her.
Twilight then landed back on the ground and leapt right for Rarity. Rarity, not seeing that coming, quickly put up a force field around herself to stop Twilight's blade. Unfortunately, as she did that she lost her hold on the magic force field surrounding the room, and Twilight, with the combined force of her blade and her magic, hit Rarity with enough force to send her flying through the door behind her and down the stairs to the first floor. Twilight chased after her.
Rarity landed on the first floor of the boutique on her back, but then bounced off the ground and landed on her stomach. Twilight, having jumped down the stairs as opposed to walking or running. Landed a few feet away from her. Rarity lay on the ground for a moment, her magic was done and she was without a weapon.
Twilight looked outside, the human was nowhere to be seen. Seeing this, she screamed and looked back towards Rarity.
"What have you done to him!?" She accused her friend.
"You tell me," Rarity replied as she got back to her hooves. Her horn glowed with magic again as she began to grab many of the clothing items in her story and bring them towards her. "You were the one who barged into my house while I was busy trying to have a good time."
"Don't lie to me Rarity!" Twilight yelled at her. "Nyarlathotep is coming here and we need him too-"
"Who the buck is Nyarlathotep!?" Rarity asked as the clothes around her began to form themselves into another polearm. Twilight growled loudly as that question hit her ears.
"We don't have time for this!"
"Then make time!" Rarity yelled as she ran at Twilight with her newly reconstructed polearm. She swung at Twilight vertically, but again Twilight managed to block it. Rarity then pulled back and swung again like she had before. She swung multiple times but again Twilight blocked them all. Rarity then made one more horizontal swing, but Twilight managed to stop it. With their weapons locked, Twilight ran closer towards Rarity, sparks flew from their weapons once again as she did.
Twilight then got right up in Rarity's face and pushed her polearm away due to the awkward way of blocking that close. She then swung her sword at Rarity, but Rarity quickly leaned back to dodge it before she swung her polearm again. Twilight quickly jumped over it and did a flip in mid air before she landed on her hooves again and swung her katana down at Rarity. Rarity managed to block it though, as she held up her polearm horizontally.
The two could only stare into each others eyes as they locked weapons. Sparks flew again, between their weapons and between them. They could see each others malice in their eyes, their insanity, their need. After a few moments of this, Twilight screamed and headbutted Rarity. Rarity didn't expect that and doubled back a little.
With her temporarily distracted, Twilight poured her magic into Rarity's weapon, and then split it apart like taking out all the pieces to a lego creation. Rarity could only look on in shock as Twilight did that.
"You're not better than me at magic," Twilight said as she punched Rarity in the face with her left hoof. Rarity again doubled back from that as she didn't see it coming. Twilight then stepped forward and with the hilt of her katana, hit Rarity in the stomach. She would have stabbed her, but she was still her friend she didn't want to kill her. With Rarity still in pain, Twilight quickly spun around and, like Applejack would, bucked Rarity in the chest.
The force of Twilight's blow knocked Rarity to the back of the boutique where she crashed into one of her mannequins. Several more then fell on top of her, as they had all been stacked next to each other for the night, and buried her in them.
Twilight just stood where she was for a moment breathing hard, her sword still in her magical grasp, ready for anything. Several moments passed, and not a sound was made, and nothing moved. Then, eventually, one of the mannequin heads on top of the pile fell over onto the floor. Not by Rarity, but by its own force.
As she saw this, Twilight let out a breath that she didn't even realize she had been holding. Afterwards she looked around at the destruction she caused. Part of her deeply regretted that it had to come to this. Still, there was no time to dwell on that now.
She turned her attention back to the front door, which remained unlocked. From where she stood she opened it up with her magic and began to walk towards it. Her work wasn't done just yet. As she left the boutique she politely closed the door behind her.
You'd better turn on the lights, or you'll get eaten by a grue.
Make certain to not get eaten by a grue.
IT IS PITCH BLACK!
YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE EATEN BY A GRUE!
IT IS DARK, YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE EATEN BY A GRUE.
You've never really played Zork so you're not quite sure what a grue even is. You're also quite certain that they don't exist. Then again, you are in a land of magical, talking, pastel colored ponies right now. So they might exist....
Oh well, given that you've been in this room for god knows how long and you haven't been eaten yet, its safe to assume that there are no grues in this room. So you're safe, at least from them. Whatever they are.
Suddenly acquire night vision.
try to find a pair of night vision goggles,
then suddenly you hear a Metal Gear RAY coming for you and you flee.
If only that were possible.
Even though your eyes are quickly adjusting to the darkness of the dark room, you still can't see very well in it, and spontaneously evolving night vision isn't going to happen. You're also quite sure that whoever put you in this room was smart enough not to leave any night vision goggles around for now.
Also you'll start worrying about Metal Gears after you stop worrying about the hind helicopters.
You can find a way out like a normal person, then again you're not normal in the head.
You feel as if the best course of action is to find a way out of this dark room, but how do you go about doing that?
Well thats easy, you just scream and listen to the bouncing soundwaves which reveal that you are, in fact, in a nazi concentration camp with a pony hitler watching over you holding a wip in his mouth. To the left the Burger King is chained up next to you, but you dont care cause you always found him creepy anyways. You then realize you cant actually do ecolocation and are probably suffering from sever brain damage.
scream "OH F*CK MY LIFE!" and then proceed curse everything in the universe
Panic.
Ask where you are.
Brighten up the room with a sing-a-long! (A happy sing-a-long)
Start parkouring.
Realise that you have become the man from Pit and Pendelum by Edgar Allen Poe and then shout, "WHY DIDN'T I DODGE?!?!?"
Use you badass resourcefulness skills you've acquired through watching Man VS Wild. Start navigating around the dark the way bats do: echolocation.
You talk a moment to calmly collect yourself. You sit where you are, take a deep breath...... And then scream at the top of your lungs.
"OH FUCK MY LIFE WHERE AM I WHY DIDN'T I DODGE!!??" You shout to the empty room as you get up and start running around the room. You run to your left and run into a barrel of... something. No, really... there are barrels down here. Undeterred, you climb up onto the barrel and then step onto another, and then another, and then you jump off. You are seriously parkouring the hell out of this dark room right now. You also fail to realize that you already answered one of the questions you asked in the previous chapter (not the pony kombat one).
"LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!!!" You sing to yourself as you jump from one barrel to the next before you move on to sing the whole song. Unfortunately about half way through the song you fall off a barrel in a failed attempt to jump to another one and land face first on the ground. Thankfully nothing was broken.
"OW!!" You scream to yourself. Suddenly, as you pull yourself off the floor you realize something. The fall must have knocked the panic right out of you. You suddenly remember all those times you watched shows about bats on animal planet and remember how they move around in the dark. You also remember, that you are a bawler boss badass, and badasses DO NOT LET THINGS LIKE THIS GET THEM DOWN!!!!
"LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!!!!" You yell out again. The sounds hits the wall, it bounces back and hits your ears. You know where the the exit is now AND START RUNNING FOR IT WITH YOUR ARMS FLAILING!!!
wander around aimlessly with your arms out, trying to feel for something......only after a while you trip over something, and because you were flailing your arms, you didn't use them to protect your nose, and you fall flat on your face in a most painful manner, possibly breaking your nose in the process
Run into the wall!
Unfortunately you run straight into a wall. You thought you could run through the wall and break it down, the wall thought it could break you. THE WALL WAS RIGHT!!!!
You hit the wall face first and fall flat on your ass again.
"Ow..." You say again as you lay on your back in pain. Your nose hurts quite a bit, but you don't think its broken. You're quite certain you know what a broken nose feels like, this isn't it. How do you know what a broken nose feels like? Lets find a way out of this dark room and then we'll contemplate that.
Think about how the Fack everything came to this. From one night of sleeping, to being chased by a unicorn, saved by one, and then tied up by one and now in a cold dark room.
Ignore all the above suggestions and calmly, rationally, take time to assess your day so far.
As you lay on the ground, your mind wanders and you think about everything that happened to lead up to this. You woke up and just found yourself here with Twilight standing over you. You ran from her after accidentally ripping her book, which turned out to be a copy of the Pony Sutra. From there you ran into a marketplace where you met an orange pony in a stetson hat named Applejack who refused to help you. From there you flipped over her apple stand and used the distraction to get away from her and Twilight. Then you ran into Lyra and Bon Bon who took you in and got you high. Twilight and Applejack then somehow found out where you were and kicked Lyra and Bon Bon's asses. God you hope they are all right right now. Then you ran to the carousel boutique and met Rarity, who was not different than Twilight really, even though she was a little nicer. You are starting to miss that suit she made you though. Then Twilight showed up again, Rarity threw you out the window to protect you from her, and then you ran, got knocked out and woke up here. That's all there is to it really.
Find the light switch.
Turn on the light
You sit yourself back up and think that the best course of action right now would be to find some sort of light switch. But how will you do that?
Try to find a light switch
First go north and try finding the light switch by touching the wall, if you don't find any switch then go east and do the same.
If you can't find the light switch..... Start running in circles crying for help like a little girl.
You decide to move north to find it. What you don't realize is that you could go north... IF YOU KNEW WHERE NORTH WAS BUT YOU DON'T CAUSE YOU'RE IN A DARK ROOM!!! Hell, you're pretty sure you never knew where north was since you got here.
Still, you don't let that deter you. You walk in random direction to find the light switch. Since echolocation has failed you, you instead walk slowly with your arms out. Eventually you touch a wall and feel around it, all over it, you are really feeling up the wall. You don't find a light switch.
You check again on another wall, but to no avail. Then another wall, still the same results. You check every wall in the room, you find nothing.
Sit down and wait. Cause honestly what else can you do?
Mentally defeated by the lack of any light switches, you go back to the center of the room and sit down. You sit and wait... and wait.... and wait....
Put your head in between your legs and kiss your ass good by and wait for the pony to rape you *manly cry*
Suddenly you can't take it anymore. You put your head between your legs and begin to cry manly tears. You don't know where you are, or where anything in this room is, or what is going to become of you... You mentally kiss your ass goodbye.
You wimper in the darkness of the room. You think to yourself 'God, I would have been better with rarity... how the hell do I always get into these type of things?"
As you squint your eyes in hopes that it will give you night vision, a thought hits you.
The orange one, the orange horse wasn't there when twilight came in. Did she hit you?
"Are... Are you the orange horse I asked help from but you continued to say no and then help twilight try to rape me?"
You think to yourself how you would have been better off with Rarity, but quickly think better of it. As was said before, these are ponies, and you are not into ponies. Then suddenly, a realization hits you like a ton of apples.
Applejack, the orange pony. She wasn't with Twilight when she burst into Rarity's house. Where was she? Was she the one that hit you in the back of the head?
You would contemplate this further, but the sound of a door opening and light suddenly feeling the room interrupts all your thoughts. You hold up your hand to shield your eyes from the sudden light, but after a few moments you pull it away.
You see at the top of some stairs that you didn't even realize were there (you actually parkoured over them earlier but forgot about them), you see the silhouette of an open door, with the silhouette of pony standing right inside it. She appears to be wearing a cowboy hat.
After a moment of watching you, the pony walks down the stairs and onto the floor of the dark room with you. Eventually, your eyes clear up and you see her.
Standing in front of you, is Applejack.
The orange, apple selling pony, who refused to help you earlier and was helping Twilight chase you. She looks the same as she did when you first saw her. The red war pain and bandanna she was wearing when she was in Lyra and Bon Bon's house are gone. More or less she looks just like she always does. She is still wearing her bandolier, though.
She looks right at you, and you can clearly tell that she is pissed. She's practically glaring death at you. The kind of look that could kill a lesser man... pony in this case. She doesn't have the same look of maniacal insanity that Twilight had on her though. Clearly she is just angry... really angry.... like moments away from painting the walls of this dark room with you angry.
You grab a barrel and run to the top of the stairs. From there, you pull a Donkey Kong and throw the barrel at Applejack. Hopefully, she can't jump like Mario.
DonkeyKong the shit out of her with aformentioned barrels.
Upon distraction or injury upon applejack, resume parkour past Aj towards the stairs, and attempt to steal hat in the process.
You arrive into a rather large barn, with sunlight streaming through (damn, youve been out hours)
but if thats the case, why didnt AppleJack hand you over to Twil-
A purple pony stands in the doorway and your only route out of the barn. You can see an apple orchard behind Twilight.
Plan B: Wreck her shit and go Donkey Kong on her with the barrels.
Attempt to reason with the farmpony; If all else fails you can always use those barrels in a cliche cartoon avalanche thingy to bury her while you escape while doing a Woody Woodpecker laugh.
pick up a barrel and scream BARRELS!!!
as you throw the barrel at her
amd while shes down, RUN BI*CH RUN!!!
Grab the nearest barrel, run up the stairs and throw the barrel down it. If it hits, moonwalk towards the front door as celebration to your victory.
Get down on one knee and propose, while she is confuzzled grab a barrel and run outside and place the barrel in the way of the door and turn around while dusting your hands off. As soon as you turn around you see Twilight and only one thing comes to mind, "Oh shit."
You pick up the barrels and go fucking donkey kong medley on her ass
Grab the nearest barrel, run up the stairs and throw the barrel down it. If it hits, moonwalk towards the front door as celebration to your victory.
You tried lifting one of those barrels when you were doing your epic parkour routine around the room. You couldn't for the life of you lift it despite your bawller strength. Whatever is in those things it is heavy as f***, so unfortunately there will be none of that. Still, you contemplate this for a moment and look back up towards the door, only to see another, much larger, red, apparently male pony (come to think of it this is the first male pony you've seen, and by Jove he's f***ing huge) at the foot of the door looking down right at you. He has pretty much the same look that Applejack does, so yeah, there are multiple flaws in this plan.
You suddenly realize that you are in a basement! QUICKLY DO THE DINOSAUR LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!
Ask for help with calculus. Then while she is confused you do the dinosaur.
You should have thought of that while you were parkouring around the basement in the dark. How is that going to help now? You make a mental note to do the dinosaur later though.
explain to applejack why you did that,kiss her hooves,then beg for her to stop twilight saying that if you do i will harvest all your apples
[what is a grue anyway?]
Stay calm and rationally talk with applejack. You better have a high speech level if you wanna live!
Also apologize for what you did!
Apologize to Applejack about tossing her apple stand at Twilight when you two first met...or you could just 'boop' her nose repeatedly.
Definition of boop: Verb; To poke an animal or something cute in the nose.
Apologize awkwardly for ruining her apple stand.
Yell the manliest thing ever! (Not in the face! Not in the face!)
Continue crying in the hopes that you see a slim glimmer of empathethy in her eyes
Get down on one knee, look Applejack in the eye, and prepare to give the best apology you have ever given in your life.
"I know that you are angry with me, and rightfully so. I was in a panic and lost control of myself. Instead of facing my fears and confronting Twilight Sparkle head on, I ran away like a coward, and wrongly affiliated you in this situation. You weren't doing anything wrong, you were just doing your job selling apples, and there I was ruining it for you. I didn't properly explain things to you or wait until I received permission for you to help me. We could have become friendly with each other, and maybe even friends at one point, but I abandoned all of that and became enemies with you. It's my fault I'm here right now with you, and I should have confronted Twilight in the first place. All I can do is beg for your forgiveness and let bygones be bygones. I truthfully am sorry for this whole mess and getting you involved. You didn't deserve that."
Try diplomacy. If that doesn't work, Settle your problems with a Pokemon battle.
Calmly bawl your eyes out and plead for your life in the manliest way possible.
Good Route: Apologize and try to be diplomatic using your 'silver tongue' skills.
1. Look her in the eye and apologize for tipping over her cart of apples, she is still probably angry about that.
2. explain the situation to her in your point of view.
3. Ask what Twilight has said about you, she might think you are some monster that attacked her friend.
4. offer whatever you can to make up for how you wronged her.
Grovel at her hooves begging for mercy. Like a sir.
attepmt to talk
continue crying like the manly man you are
Well there is only one option left at this point, after all you are pretty much at her mercy.
"I'm sorry!!!" You practically scream at her as you get down on your knees and grovel before her. God, you feel pathetic for apologizing to ponies. Still, you do mange to hold back your manly tears. "I'm sorry I wrecked your apple stand. I know that you are angry with me, and rightfully so. I was in a panic and lost control of myself. Instead of facing my fears and confronting Twilight Sparkle head on, I ran away like a coward, and wrongly affiliated you in this situation. You weren't doing anything wrong, you were just doing your job selling apples, and there I was ruining it for you. I didn't properly explain things to you or wait until I received permission for you to help me. We could have become friendly with each other, and maybe even friends at one point, but I abandoned all of that and became enemies with you. It's my fault I'm here right now with you, and I should have confronted Twilight in the first place. All I can do is beg for your forgiveness and let bygones be bygones. I truthfully am sorry for this whole mess and getting you involved. You didn't deserve that. I'm so sorry! Please not the face! Not the face!"
You had more you wanted to say, but then she holds up a hoof the silence you. At that you shut your trap.
"Now look," she begins to explain. "I don't care what ya'll are, how yah got here, or what Twilight wants with yah." She then sighs to herself and look to the side a little, her expression becomes a bit calmer as she does. "And in retrospect ah probably should 'ave helped yah. I mean gal disappears for a week and then she comes back all nuts in the head. Tain't right." Then she directs her gaze back at you, the look of anger returning. "But ya'll still wreaked mah apple stand!" She practically shouts. "Ya'll wreaked mah stand and destroyed a lot of mah apples! Ah lost a lot o' bits cause o' you and Ah aim to make em back!" Well, you can't deny her logic there. "An since ya'll made mey loose all those bits. You're gonna help me make 'em back!" She said as she took a step forward and pressed her face against yours. You could practically feel her horse breath on you. It smelled like apples. "Tat clear?"
At this point, you really have no choice but to agree. You don't even want to imagine the implications for what happens if you don't.
"Yeah," you reply.
"Good," Applejack replies as she pulls away from you. "Now pull yourself tahgether and come on. We're already late enough as it is." She says as she turns around and walks back up the stairs. The large red pony at the top steps aside to let her pass. Reluctantly, you follow her. There's not much else you can do at this point.
You reach the top of the stairs and find yourself in what is unmistakably a barn. You would have taken the time to look around a bit more, but suddenly some clothes found themselves thrown into your eyes. All you could see was yellow fabric.
"Put these on," Applejack says to you as she heads towards the door. "They're Big Macintosh's. Don't know why ya'll insist on wearin clothes, but if ya do ya'll might as well. They might be a little big, but they should fit." The clothes drop from your face and into your hands as you look at them. In your hands are a pair of blue jeans, a red, buttoned up shirt, and a belt. There aren't any shoes though, which doesn't come as much of a surprise since none of these ponies apparently wear shoes. Also Applejack was right, they did look a little to big for you, but it didn't look like it would be to much.
You stare at them for a moment before you suddenly look left, and right into the eyes of the large, red pony who you can only assume is Big Macintosh. You didn't really get the chance to see it before since you were at the bottom of the stairs, but he is really friggin huge. Most of the ponies you've encountered thus far have been smaller than you generally, though he was tall enough to reach eye level with you. The look he had on before was gone, but he still showed a look of distrust. You make a mental note not to piss this guy off.
Eventually, he turns and walks away from you and you quickly get dressed. You have just acquired farmer's clothes.
"See that's cart?" Applejack asks you as just walk on over to her, your new clothes on and fitting well (surprisingly). You nod in response. "You're pullin it." You agree and take the cart as Applejack and Big Macintosh push open the barn doors.
As the three of you walk outside, your eyes meet not only a farm (which you expected) but the biggest apple orchard you have ever seen in your life.
"Holy shit!" was all you could say.
"Now, Ah reckon you can't buck an apple tree?" Applejack asked, ignoring your outburst.
"No, not really," you reply.
"Didn't think so. All right then this is how its gonna work," Applejack begins to explain. "Mah brother and Ah are gonna head out into the fields right there and buck some trees. Your job is tah take the baskets of apples we collect, put em on that cart right there and haul em back here. Then once you're done you come back and get some more. Understood?"
"Yes," you reply. It didn't sound too difficult, and the cart after all wasn't that heavy. Also on the bright side, it was nice to run into a pony other than Lyra and Bon Bon who didn't want to have forced intercourse with you.
"All right then," Applejack said. "Lets get movin." At that, the three of you walk out into the orchard. You hauling the cart behind you. Its really not as heavy as you though.
Continue to help her until your debt is payed than moonwalk out if there like a baller bauss.
Remember to do the dinosaur.
go with it and pray to Jesus and Faust that Twilight doesn't find you.
Try your darned hardest to do the job correctly until your debt has been paid.
Seriously, even anti-heroes need to do the right thing now and again.
Help AppleJack and hopefully see if she can tell you tell all the mares are trying to sex you up
Carry out your indentured servitude in exchange for food, a home and protection from the other maniacs running about. Yay, pony feudalism!
Work to repay your debt.once completed thank the sane pony for her under standing. Then moonwalk towards the not evil forest and hide..but we all no with your luck your doomed.
ACTUALY HELP HER AND NOT DO ANYTHING STUPID LIKE THE OTHER COMMENTS SAY!
Pull that cart in manly strides and take pride in what you are doing for Applejack. Continue doing this as your manliness radiates off of you with the white hot intensity of A THOUSAND SUNS!
All the while planning an escape route in your mind if Applejack goes all rapey like Twilight and Rarity.
That said, repay your debt by doing what Applejack wants.
Cooperate. Big Mac scares the ever loving sh** outta ya.
And then pranks you at dinner.
Stay in line. Seriously. That big red stallion will tear you up.
watch out for the red one, you have had mares try rape you and almost succeed. If he was to try......
so it might be best if you do as they say for now.
Step one gain some trust complete --- step 2 gain them as allies an friends under way ---step 3 ???? Step 4 profit!
This is your one chance to not get fucked by a pony (hopefully), don't screw yourself over!!!
Comply for now, but if Twilight shows up...GET. THE BUCK. OUT. OF. THERE.
Just do your job before AJ gets even more pissed
Also, pray to Jesus(wherever the hell he is) that Twilight doesn't find you.
Cooperate for now, but remember Rarity also seemed sane at first so maintain a healthy level of paranoia.
Trust her but not fully. Remember how rarity was all liek "Oh no darling I wouldn't do such a thing!" And she wend loco.
Just do what she says but still be cautious and on gaurd.
And look out for big mac. He may EEYUP you to death.
Fulfill your debt to Applejack. You wrecked her stand, so you might as well pay her back. Besides, it's a big orchard, if Twilight comes around, it'll be easier to hide 'till she leaves.
Might as well pay, but make it clear that if you believe your life, sanity, or virginity (wait, I thought I lost it years ago?) is in danger, you will prioritize saving it over paying our debt. If you need to do so, point out that if you lose any of the three you will be unable to repay your debt.
First things first, the debt has to be paid. After the chores are done... Try to be friends with them I guess.
gain their trust
your going to need an ally
Well, there's not much else you can do right now at this point is there? After all, you did wreck her applestand. Granted you WERE running away from an insane purple unicorn, but still there were better ways you could have handled that. You could have wrecked another stand for instance.
Regardless though, what's past is past and now you have a debt to pay, and by Jove you are going to pay it.
Neither Applejack nor Big Macintosh say a word to you as the three of you walk out into the orchard. For now you don't say anything. The day just got started, they are still a little mad, best not to break the ice for now.
While walking through you look around and make not of all the trees and the wilderness around you. In your head you come up with several escape plans in case things go tits up here or Twilight comes back. Most of which just involve running out into the orchard and hoping they don't find you.
Eventually the three of you reach your destination, which to you just looks like the rest of the orchard, but it is THEIR orchard so you figure they know where the hell they are going. Applejack tells you to stay put for a moment while they buck some apple trees. Since you are pretty much useless at this point, you just lean back against the cart and wait for them. You watch as they each take some baskets from the cart and set them up around the trees. Then you see something that makes your jaw drop. You're quite sure it literally dropped.
You watch Applejack kick a tree so hard it practically shakes the entire thing. All the apples that were in the tree fall out and into the baskets. You're not sure if that's by luck or she planned it. Either way, it's still kind of shocking. That's nothing compared to what happens next though.
You watch as Big Macintosh takes down an entire tree with just his right leg. No, seriously, the tree snapped like a twig when he hit it and fell over... with just his right leg.
Cooperate. Big Mac scares the ever loving sh** outta ya.
And then pranks you at dinner.
Stay in line. Seriously. That big red stallion will tear you up.
watch out for the red one, you have had mares try rape you and almost succeed. If he was to try......
so it might be best if you do as they say for now.
And look out for big mac. He may EEYUP you to death.
You were pretty sure of it before but now you're certain. Applejack was threatening enough, but now you're certain that this guy.... pony... will absolutely floor you if you step out of line. Hell, what remained of you could probably be scooped up with a dustpan and a broom by that point. You make a mental note NOT TO MESS WITH HIM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!!!
Your mind then drifts to darker places.... every mare you've ran into before (except for Lyra and Bon Bon) has tried to have their way with you... if he....
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!! YOU ARE NOT ABOUT TO THINK ABOUT THAT!!! BESIDES HE HATES YOU RIGHT NOW!!! AT LEAST YOU HOPE HE DOESN'T HATE YOU TOO MUCH AT THIS POINT!!!
You watch as Applejack glares at Big Macintosh for doing that, though its not the same glare she ever threw at you.
"Eee..... sorry," Big Mac says as he looks away and throws on a goofy smile. Applejack just sighs and walks over around the tree. She then starts picking some of the apples out of the tree and putting them into the baskets manually. You pull your jaw back up off the ground and walk over to help her. Hell, you have a debt to repay, and you could definitely be helpful in this area.
About 15 minutes later, the three of you have managed to fill several baskets full of apples. You actually did manage to help out quite a bit when picking apples from the fallen tree. Your hands were much more suited to the task than their hooves or mouths (you saw them using both).
The three of you then load all of the baskets onto the cart (the baskets were smaller than they looked) and Applejack looks right at you.
"Right, now take that cart back to tha barn, drop off the apples and then get back here." She orders you. "We're gonna need more of em."
"Yes Ma'am," You say politely as you walk on over back towards the cart. You just hear Applejack sigh loudly for a moment before going back to her work. You on the other hand, have a job of your own. You then grab the cart and begin to haul it back towards the barn.
Pull that cart in manly strides and take pride in what you are doing for Applejack. Continue doing this as your manliness radiates off of you with the white hot intensity of A THOUSAND SUNS!
All the while planning an escape route in your mind if Applejack goes all rapey like Twilight and Rarity.
start thinking of how the fuck you're going to pull it once it has baskets full of apples in it. (it's probably going to be alot heavier)
YOU DID NOT THINK THIS THROUGH!!!! THIS CART WAS NOTHING WHEN IT WAS EMPTY, BUT THESE APPLES ARE A LOT HEAVIER THAN THEY SEEM!!! YOU PULL ON IT WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH BUT IT HARDLY MOVES!!! YOU ARE ONLY JUST NOW GETTING TO THE BARN!!!!
Invent the combustion engine to power the cart.
OH YOU COULD DO THAT.... IF YOU BLOODY KNEW HOW! WHICH YOU DON'T! YOU AREN'T A MECHANIC YOU WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO INVENT A COMBUSTION ENGINE EVEN IF THE BLUEPRINTS FOR ONE WERE STARING YOU IN THE FACE!!! BY JOVE, THAT WOULD MAKE THIS A LOT EASIER THOUGH, BUT ALAS YOU HAVE NO COMBUSTION ENGINE SO THERE WILL BE NONE OF THAT.
STILL... YOU ARE NOT ABOUT TO LET YOURSELF GET BEATEN BY A HORSE!!! YOU ARE A MAN! A GOD DAMNED HUMAN BEING!!! THE TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN, AND AN HONEST MAN AT THAT!!! YOU HAVE A DEBT TO REPAY, AND BY JOVE YOU ARE GOING TO REPAY IT BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT JUST A MAN, BUT YOU ARE A BAWLER BOSS! THAT'S RIGHT!!! A BALWER BOSS!!! YOU WERE ONE BEFORE YOU GOT HERE, AND YOU STILL ARE NOW!!! AND YOU ALWAYS PAY YOUR DEBTS!!!
You finally reach the barn. You lean back against the cart and let out a loud sigh as you wipe the sweat off your brow. By Jove that was difficult but you did it. You did it.
You also consider that you still need to pay off your college debts when you get home for some reason.
Anyway, you unload all the baskets of Apples where Applejack told you to, which takes less than five minutes actually. The baskets weren't nearly as heavy on their own as the cart, so you could move them pretty easily.
Once you're done with that, you load up some new baskets and turn the cart around to bring it back to Applejack and Big Mac.
Out of the corner of your eye you see an upside down cardboard box with a red exclamation mark on the side. Suddenly Solid Snake peeks from underneath it!
"Shit!" he yells, "Cover blown!"
He then calls in a hind who is piloted by Jesus with Discord as secondary pilot. A rope ladder unrolls from underneath it, which Snake then grabs onto. And then they fly into the sunset.
You're just about to leave when you notice a very peculiar cardboard box. Odd... you don't think you've ever seen cardboard boxes here before. You also notice that it has a red exclamation point painted on the side.
Suddenly, you see someone peek out from under the box, and its not a pony.
"SHIT!" he practically yells as he sees you. "COVER BLOWN!"
You then start to hear a very peculiar noise that seems to be getting louder... and louder...
Suddenly you look up and notice a hind helicopter fly out from behind the barn and stop right above you. The helicopter then lets a ladder down as the box then lifts up to reveal none other than SOLID FUCKING SNAKE!!! He then grabs onto the ladder and it begins to fly up. You look up at it to see that the helicopter is being piloted by none other than Jesus and Discord.
Fly away.
The hind helicopter then proceeds to do just that. With Solid Snake on the ladder, the helicopter then turns off towards the fields and flies out towards the sun.
You stand there gobsmacked for what must have been several minutes. You could swear you were high as all hell when you last saw that... now you've just seen it while sober... You stand there for several more minutes before you finally remember to blink and that you still have a job to do.
Working on this farm IS A PAIN!!!! Yet you have to do it, you do have a debt to repay. You load up and take back several more baskets as you get back to them. Only to unload them and go back to get more. This really is becoming tedious work.
Still, if nothing else, you gotta admit this is a hell of a way to improve your strength.
Make idle conversation and constantly compliment that this is the biggest apple farm you have ever seen, and that the apples look the freshest and reddest you have ever known there could be in a shade of red.
You attempt to strike up conversation with Applejack several times, but she always refuses to speak to you. Not that you can really blame her, though.
small talk with big mac while working to slowly but surly gain his trust
Against your better judgement you also try to strike up a conversation with Big Macintosh as well, though he says even less than Applejack. All he ever seems to say to you is "Eeeyup" and "Nope". You're not sure if he's doing this because he hates you or if he's always like this. He doesn't appear to be mad when he's saying anything to you, at least not anymore.
Eventually, and a LONG eventually later, Applejack allows you a quick lunch break. She even asks if you want anything, but given the pony food you've seen so far and your general politeness, you tell her not to bother with that. Still, you do treat yourself to some of the delicious apples you helped them pick, AND BY JOVE THEY ARE DELICIOUS (you really need to come up with a better catch phrase).
Seriously, these are some of the sweetest apples you've ever tasted, possibly the best-No- THE best apples you've ever tasted. You really gotta hand it to Applejack, she does have some good apples. Now you almost feel even worse for wrecking her stand.
You sit and lean back against the cart as you eat a few more apples. It only occurs to you know that you haven't even had breakfast today.
As you eat your lunch though, you look up in the sky and notice something. At first, you think its the hind helicopter from earlier, but closer inspection reveals it to be something else entirely.
Its a pegasus... no really its a pegasus. Well fuck you Ray Bradbury. You've seen regular ponies and unicorns, and now you're seeing pegasai. Yes, this is the first pegasus you've seen since you got here.
HIDE! SHE MAY BE WORKING FOR THE PURPLE CRAZY LOCO RAPE YOUR ASS PONY!
HID HIDE HIDE HIDE HIDE!!!!!
Carefully hide, if you start blindly running for a hiding spot you're likely to grab attention.
FUCKIN RUN! GO TO THE CARD-BOARD BOX!
Find the nearest hay bale and dolphin dive into it, QUICKLY!!!
Well the obvious option here is to yell up at her with a manly voice saying "Look its the flying gay pride parade!"
You will then proceed to manly hide underneath the cardboard box that Snake left behind in a... manly way... just not too manly or else the manliness that radiates off of you will give away your position.
Hide you must survive to repay your debt... and the card bord box can not help now..
Hide under a tree and keep a eye on the rainbow haired Pegasus. Unless Applejack or Big Mac need you, DO NOT LOSE TRACK OF THE PEGASUS!
Stay hidden and listen 'till you know what she's looking for. If it happens to be you, pray that she's not working for Twilight.
DUCK FOR COVER
and hide in snakes box in the barn
Get inside the cardboard box snake if its still their. Then proceed to find applejack and bigmac they have yet to do anything to you so find them and get some protection. Ps if theirs no box travel from cover to cover like an assassin.
Since when have these ponies been anything but trouble, engage stealth mode.
Hide in a cardboard box
NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE!!!!
You hide under solid snakes box and stealthily sneak to applejack. She is the only female pony you can trust.
Also if your found out yell نكاح الشرطة at the top of your lungs.
A:Run to the nearest box and hide under it and be like your hero Solid Snake.
Snake left his box for a reason...other than you spotting him...
Wait... is this the Rainbow Dash from this comment-driven story's sister fic?
If so, just observe in silence.
If this is not that Rainbow Dash, TAKE FDGING COVER!
Ok, so far you nearly got raped by 2 unicorns, you pissed off an earth pony and her brother, and now a Pegasus is apparently looking for something?
Hell no, take NO chances, hurry up, find a good spot to hide, and wait for her to leave. After she does, ask applejack who she is and what she may have been looking for......provided she's cooled down enough to answer a few questions
Use your badass Bear Grylls skills and hide under the canopy of trees. All the while spy on her to make sure she is not an assailant of the Rapi-corns
You suddenly notice her look in your direction.
'AW HELL NO!,' you think to yourself as you see her. YOU ARE NOT ABOUT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!!!
You quickly look to your right and notice that the cardboard box that Solid Snake (you really need to check to see if you are still high somehow) is still there. Without thinking twice, you run over and dolphin dive towards it. You slide on the ground several feet (getting your shirt dirty in the process, but it was already dirty enough from all the work you did today so que sera sera you suppose) and quickly grab the box and pull it over yourself once you reach it.
You scrunch up as small as possible inside the box to keep yourself effectively hidden. Luckily, Snake got it big so this isn't a problem at all.
Now you contemplate what to do about the rainbow colored pegasus up there. The thought enters your head that whoever it is is obviously the flying gay pride parade, but you didn't have a problem with Lyra and Bon Bon being that way, so there's no reason why you wouldn't have a problem with this (God, you really need to see if they are okay). Sure, you could find out if she's nice or not, but given every pony that you've run into up until this point, you aren't about to take that chance.
Use your military Sniper training to shoot her down!
You stared at the flying pony for awhile but someone or something in the back in your subconscious a drill sergeant-like voice rang throughout your mind stated the most logical thing you have ever heard in your brief time in Equestria.
So knowing that a Stinger missile would be too slow for taking down a lightning speed pegasus (you just knew) and a sniper rifle would not be suitable as well, since you might probably miss due to the air current and gravity. Knowing that real life doesn't follow Halo physics, you pull out a black metallic object from your non existent pocket.
Although the 2000 years of human ingenuity weapon is called a sub-machine gun isn't great at long ranges, it fires 500 rounds per second. Even if you missed, there'll be more bullets cracking through the sky.
With that in mind, you begin to aim down the sights, pointed at the winged blue equine and than, pressed the trigger.
You contemplate shooting down the pegasus just in case. Unfortunately you do not have a stinger missile, nor do you have any weapons with which to shoot it down. Plus, Lyra told you that no one in Ponyville owns a weapon (God, you've been thinking about them a lot) so even if Halo physics were somehow working here (they started putting the weapons on the character's backs in the game so that won't even work), you wouldn't have picked up any weapons with which to use. So that is out.
Instead, you figure you should make your way over to Applejack. She hasn't tried to do anything to you yet, and you still owe her, so logically she shouldn't let anything happen to you... Logically...
You wait a few moments just in case. You don't hear or see anything outside of the hole in front of you. Maybe she hasn't noticed you yet. Slowly but surely, you begin to walk straight ahead and make your way back to the farmhouse where you know Applejack is.
However, before you even get three feet, you hear a certain clopping noise. The kind of noise that sounds like hooves hitting the ground. More specifically, hooves hitting the floor after falling from the sky.
'OH FUCK!!!' You silently say to yourself as that noise hits your ears. 'What do I do now!?'
Wait why has snake left a silenced pistol on the ground.......
You idiot. You know that Snake never leaves his weapons behind. If he did he would run the risk of getting caught, AND SNAKE NEVER GETS CAUGHT!!!!
Except by you a few moments ago but that is beside the point. There is no silenced pistol on the ground. However, upon thinking of that, a realization suddenly hits you.
'Wait...' you think to yourself. 'Didn't I notice Snake hiding in this box?' Not only that, but you aren't Solid Snake, so if you were able to notice Solid Snake hiding here....
You thoughts are interrupted by the sudden appearance of a pony with a cyan blue coat in front of the hole you use to see out of.
Time seems to slow down for you. You watch as the pony reaches down, puts a hoof at the edge of the box............................................. And then lifts it up.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
!
You swear you can literally hear the metal gear sound effect play in your head as you look right into the pegasus' face.
No-seriously, her face is inches away from yours. She's holding up the box with her right hoof and staring right at you. She's looking right at you, you're staring right into her magenta colored eyes... Oddly enough though your epic battle of staring isn't as epic as when you did it with Bon Bon.
Either way though, she's looking right at you. You see her pupils slowly start to shrink the longer she stares at you.
Who do you think you are, Deadpool? You don't possess the ability to break the fourth wall. Hell, you're not even sure that there even is a fourth wall with which to break. Besides, even if there was, everybody knows that it never works when you know about it.
Ok NOW Summon the Shagohod and begin the chase scene, ride atop of it and play epic music with a guitar.
Okay, for multiple reasons you KNOW you cannot do that. You've played Metal Gear Solid 3 enough, you know that even if you could, you can't do this. Only one Shagohod was ever built and Big Boss destroyed it when he killed his mentor the Boss. No other prototypes were ever built and they were eventually replaced by the vastly superior Metal Gear, which Solid Snake dealt with. Besides, you've already committed yourself to not worrying about any Metal Gears until you finish worrying about the hind helicopter, which given that you've seen it while sober now, you probably should start worrying about it a little more.
You can see the rainbow pegasus' eyes shrink even more. They're almost the size of pinpricks.
Pull her into the box with you and hope to god she understands your situation when you explain it to her.
Invite her to join you under the box. Be polite, you know?
Unfortunately that is not going to work. You see, while the box is just big enough to fit you inside it, there isn't enough room for two in here, even if the other person happens to be a pony. Besides, you don't think that's a good idea at the moment.
The rainbow maned pegasus hasn't blinked since she saw you. She still isn't blinking.
"Hiii."
say hello in the most casual and non-suspisious way possible
while shes confused
RUN
Awkwardly say, "Hello."
Introduce yourself and ask her for her name. Being in a difficult situation is no reason for being impolite.
Say in all the calm and majesty of the universe...
"'Sup."
"Hiii...." you say to her kind of awkwardly to try and break the ice. She isn't saying anything so you might as well.
As you speak you notice her wings slowly begin to unfurl. You have no idea what this means, but you're assuming its not good.
"So... nice weather we're having."
"So... nice weather we're having," you say to her. She still doesn't respond. You notice behind her head that her wings are now standing straight up. Like they are at attention for something.
Okay talking to her isn't doing anything, you need to think of something else.
Kiss her and use the opportune time of shock from the blue pony to make a break for it.
Do what they do on loony toons, Full on kiss her on the lips, smash the box on her head then run away Laughing like a maniac while shes still stunned.
Like a baws.
Kiss her to see if she tastes like skittles, THEN MOONWALK OUT OF THERE!
Kiss her and while she's in a state of shock run as fast as your legs can carry you
Okay while you will admit that your life has seemed more like a cartoon since you got here (no it hasn't... not at all), you're not about to do that. Nope.... just no.
Your mind flashes back to last night when Rarity kissed you. Oh God, if only she had been a human. Then that would have been enjoyable.
You also make a note to do the moonwalk at some point. You're not sure why. And remember to do the dinosaur. Hmm... maybe there's a way you can combine to two.... You'll figure that out later, preferably when you're not being chased or being hunted down by insane ponies.
You notice the rainbow maned pegasus slowly turn her head and begin to open your mouth. You need to act fast.
And if this doesn't work you 'beep' her nose and run like hell.
Guess this is it. This is your final stand. If you are going down you might as go down as manly as fucking possible, you then reach down deep within you and pull out your inner...
And then with all your might and manliness you then... BOOP THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF THIS CYAN PONY'S NOSE! All the while yelling out "The Art of Booping has been passed down through the*insert family's name here* family for generations!"
Boop her on the nose and run away screaming for applejack.
Boop her on the nose.
Boop her nose, quickly shove the box on top of her, then run away flailing your arms screaming "APPLEJACK!!!"
boop boop boop her nose and run away!!!(to the tune of row row row your boat) (Okay I'm going to give you this one warning. If you post multiple comments in a row about what to do I am going to be less inclined to pick them. So just pick one and stop spamming the comment section. If you don't stop this I am never going to pick yours ever again. Deal?)
She randomly freaks out at seeing a weird new species and runs away.
...After you boop her nose.
Okay THAT IS IT!!!! The time for being a coward is over. You are tired of running away. You're tired of letting these small pastel colored ponies get the best of you. Sure, you may be working for Applejack right now but you will admit that was legitimately your fault. BUT THIS IS NOT APPLEJACK, AND YOU ARE NOT ABOUT TO LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN!!!!
You may not be Solid Snake, but you are still a badass, and badasses DO NOT LET ONE LOSS GET THEM DOWN!!! You channel your inner Alex Louis Armstrong and put your plan into action, cause if your inner Solid Snake isn't going to help you than maybe your inner Alex Louis Armstrong will.
Quickly before she can turn her head more than a few degrees. You reach thrust your right hand forward, your index finger pointed out, right for her face, and you 'boop' her on the nose.
"Boop!" You say in your manliest possible voice.
"Huh?" the rainbow maned pegasus says as she turns her head back to look at you, her eyes now suddenly wide again with confusion.
HUG HER DAMNIT! SHE IS BEST PONY!
Take the initiative. Tackle Rainbow Dash and pin her down. Cover her mouth so she can't call for backup. Explain to her that you are tired of getting chased around and want answers. Ask, "Who are you working for?" Take her wing into your hand and threaten to break it if she shouts. Slowly uncover her mouth to let her answer you.
A classic Snake Interrogation.
Why don't you just talk to her? As epic as a stare-down between RD sounds, you can't do so forever. Plus, your eyes ought to be sore by now from all the staring that you've been doing.
First of all. Why so many comments about hurting RD?That would just get her mad.
Arent we trying to make friends? Lol
I think he should just talk to her.
And i think my avatar is what twilight looks like. Heh
Quickly, jump towards her, pinning her on her back with your knee on her chest, each hand grabbing a forehoof.
"Ok," you ask her,"I've had a really bad day, but I need some answers. Before I let go, are you going to rape me?" She convinces you that she is not,infact out to rape you. You let go slowly. As she gets to her feet, explain to her
"Sorry about that, Ive had a really bad last 24 hours (cue PTSD-like flashback)... Really bad. Can you just answer these for me?
1) Do you know Twilight & Rarity? 2) Why were they trying to rape me? 3) How did you find me? 4) You seen Lyra and Bon-Bon anywhere?
Plan 1. Tackle her to the ground, ask if she works for the purple rapist. If no, then let her go and apologize, if yes continue to restrain until Applejack or Bic Mac arrives.
With her momentarily distracted, you throw the box off of you, jump out, and with one quick and fast motion, grab the rainbow maned pegasus in a hug like embrace, then you knock her on her back and pin her to the ground.
Praise the town of Southampton, and in the confusion, leap onto Rainbow Dash's back and fly off into the sunset with Jesus and Solid Snake.
For whatever reason you decide to praise the little town of Southhampton while you do this. God knows why.
You have your right leg holding both her rear hooves down, your left hand on her right forehoof, your right arm is leaning on her left, and your right hand is covering her mouth. Not only that, but since she's on her back her wings aren't gonna be taking her anywhere. Luckily since you're bigger than she is (if only by a little) you're able to do this pretty easily. You have her pinned.
Wow, in retrospect, given your previous luck you did not expect this to work at all. Perhaps your inner Solid Snake is helping you out after all. Then again, that could just be your inner Alex Louis Armstrong as well.
The look of apparent, indistinguishable shock that the rainbow maned pegasus had on her before is suddenly gone, and she's staring up at you now with what you can only guess is abstract horror, at least you're guessing its abstract horror, she looks somewhat afraid. More surprised really.
"Okay," you begin to say to her. "I've had a really bad day, but I need some answers. So answer my questions and I'll let you go. Got it?"
She nods at you (at least she tries to with her head on the ground) in response.
Okay, you've got this rainbow maned pegasus where you want her. You got questions, and you got a pretty good feeling that this pegasus will be able to answer them.
DO YOU WORK FOR TWILIGHT DO YOU!!!! and do you have a strainge human fetish i shuld know about?
1st question: what is your name and did a purple unicorn send you to try and capture me?
ask if she knows twilight sparkle
1. are you a SPY? 2. (if she says no) Then why were you looking for me.
"Twilight's been trying to rape me, did she sent you to look for me? She's dangerous!"
1) Are you working for Twilight, Rarity, or yourself in an attempt to rape me?
what is your name? did that purple rapist pony send you?
"Do you know twilight sparkle?" She nods
Did she send you? she says no
1. "Why is there a purple pony out to get me?" 2. "Are you working for/against her?"
1. Did Twilight ask you to look for me?
"Are you a spy?"
agree with most of you guys. definitely ask "do you know twilight', Do you know why she is chasing me" etc. after she answers your questions, explain your situation, apologizing for attacking her (because you didn't know if she was freindly or not), and enlisting her help against twilight, promising to teach her an ancient arcane technique. if she agrees, yell "DO A BARREL ROLL" and teach her the aileron roll instead. because barrel/aileron rolls deflect projectiles plus look really cool.
...
that is all.
p.s. sorry for the run on sentence
What is your name
TELL ME WHO YOU'RE WORKING FOR!
1. DO YOU WORK FOR THE PURPLE RAPIST!?
2. Where you looking for me? if no then who or what?
Given the circumstances you decide to ask the most obvious question first.
"Who are you?" you ask. "What's your name?" You slowly remove your hand from her mouth while at the same time throwing her a look that says 'You scream you're dead.'
"Uhh.... Uh...." She says to you. "Rainbow Dash...." Figures her name would be something having to do with Rainbows. Okay, now that that's out of the way.
"Did a purple unicorn send you?" You ask her next.
"What...?" she responds, apparently confused.
"TWILIGHT SPARKLE! DID SHE SEND YOU!?" You ask her again with a bit more force, though not too much, you don't want to attract too much attention now. "DID SHE SEND YOU HERE TO LOOK FOR ME!? ARE YOU A SPY!!??"
"What..." she responds. "No, no not really she didn't really send me here," You glare at her. "Okay, yeah she DID send me here to look for something called a human but..." Great. Just f***ing great. Now that crazy unicorn's got flying ponies looking for you. "But she ran off before she even told me what a human was!" Rainbow Dash continues. "I really don't even know what I'm..." Her eyes suddenly shrink down to the size of pinpricks again as a realization suddenly hits her. "You're a human aren't you?"
"Hey I'm the one asking the questions here!" you silently yell at her. You really don't want to respond to that one. Even if you don't, you know that Ms. Rainbow Dash here will probably go back and Twilight she saw you here even if she doesn't know what you are, so that really doesn't help much.
Okay, next question.
It looks like she is going to be honest. Ask why everybody is following you.
Are you females in heat?
"Why is that nutter of a unicorn chasing me like I'm a piece of meat?"
why are you ponies after me?
Ok first question then! Do you know who Twilight Sparkle is?
Second question! If so did she send you to find me?
Ok maybe that last question was not really helpful so onto question four! Are you female ponies in heat or something!?
are all the mares in heat or something? she blushes deeper
1 can you explain why i've been assaulted by every mare in town.
Ask her these questions:
where am I?
Who are you?
And why is there a crazy purple unicorn trying to rape me?
Ask her, why is almost every pony trying to rape you?
"Why is she trying to rape me!?" you ask her. You would have asked about why every mare in this town is trying to have their way, but as you think about it, you realize that there was really only one other pony that tried that, and that was Rarity. Applejack was chasing you cause you wrecked her apple stand (which is why you are here now) and Lyra and Bon Bon didn't try anything with you, so really it was only two mares that you've met.
"Rape you!?" Rainbow Dash responds, her eyes somehow getting even smaller as those words hit her ears. Like with Rarity, she seems shocked beyond belief that you would even suggest that.
"Yeah," you reply. "Are all you mares in heat or something?" You have no idea why you asked that, but hey, seems logical.
"No... no.... no were not!" She stutters a bit due to the shock of what you asked her before. "We don't go into season for another couple months. Unless you..." She then pauses for a moment to sniff the air. As she does, you see a blush appear on her face. "Oh my..." she says. Okay she's clearly flushed you need to get her mind off that.
third: what is the air speed velocity of a swallow?
"What...is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
"What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?" You ask her.
"What?" She ask you, the blush disappearing from her face as she says that. "What do you mean an Equestrian or..." You cover her mouth before she has a chance to even finish that sentence. You really don't care what the answer is and you really don't want to let her finish that either way. Besides, if it turns out that she knows what Monty Python is, that raises an entirely new set of questions.
Now back to the important questions.
Why did you come down to see me and why are your wings so extended as we will say?
2nd question: Are you going to try and rape me, because I nearly got raped by a purple unicorn who looked like she was on meth, and a white unicorn who almost did the same......uh, twilight sparkle and rarity respectively, I believe their names were
2. Your wings... They straightened when you saw me... Elaborate.
3.*after she answers question 2* You're not going to rape me... RIGHT?!
"Do you intend to bring about a coupling of our external reproductive organs in a forceful manner, or assist another in doing so?" (The word 'rape' gets thrown around much too casually.)
"Your wings..." You begin to say to her. "They straightened up when you saw me..." Suddenly another realization dawns on you. "You're not going too...." You don't even get to finish that sentence as you notice the look on her face change to a look of disgust.
"What! No! Oh by Celestia, Luna and Tartarus no!" She responds like any normal person would have to someone who just suggested that they have sex with an animal. "I don't even know what you are. Why would I..."
"Oh thank god," you say to yourself in response.
"Although...." At that word you suddenly look back down at her with interest. What is this 'although' she is about to speak of? "You do smell nice." She blushes again as she says that.
Okay that confirms a running suspicion you've had since you got here. There is something on you that's driving mares crazy, and apparently they can smell it. It does make sense, obviously ponies would have a stronger sense of smell than you would. As far as what it is though, you don't think you're gonna get an answer from this pegasus, she doesn't look like she would know anyway.
You would bring up your luck with women back home, but you figure that hardly matters right now. So moving right along...
Second :what is your favorite color?
Is that your real color?
is that your original hair color?
"Is that your actual hair color?" You ask her. That question really has nothing to do with anything, but it is something you really wanna know. Also you mentally kick yourself in the head for forgetting that its MANE here, and not hair. Though they are the same thing so...
"Yeah, yeah it is," she responds. You're not about to ask how that is cause you're pretty sure you know the answer you'll get. It would be nor different from someone asking you why your hair color is the way it is.
Next question.
2) Do you know Lyra & BonBon and are they ok?
"You wouldn't happen to know Lyra or Bon Bon, would you?"
"You wouldn't happen to know Lyra and Bon Bon would you?"
"Lyra and Bon Bon?" She replies, a little confused.
"Yeah," you say to her. "Do you know if they're okay?"
"I don't know," she responds, now she looks even more confused. "I haven't seen either of them since yesterday." Okay, so no word on them yet. Still, you have hope for them. You're not sure why, but you do.
Also you notice that she doesn't seem to be as intimidated by you as much as when you started. Maybe she's just getting used to the situation.
Ask her if Ponies have developed the technology necessary to produce Hind Helicopters yet
2 helicopters, talk.
She can fly, ask if shes seen a hind helicopter
"You ponies wouldn't happen to have the technology necessary to produce hind helicopters would you?" You ask her.
"What the buck is a helicopter?" is all she responds back to you with. You knew that question was a shot in the dark, but hey, at least it was a shot.
As you talk to her, the cardboard box randomly explodes into pieces. For some reason nobody other than you particularly notices, or cares.
Almost immediately after you ask that question, you hear what sounds like an explosion. You look over to see the box you were hiding under now in pieces. Oddly enough though, Rainbow Dash here doesn't seem to notice. Not really knowing what to make of this situation, you just shrug it off and turn your attention back to her. Either way, she's not getting out of this just yet. One more question.
what is the meaning of life?
what is the anser to life?
"What's the answer to life, the universe and everything?" You ask her. Yeah you're running out of good questions you can ask her.
"42," she replies. Now its your turn for your eyes to get wide. How could she have possibly known that?
"All right, time ta get back ta..." you suddenly hear Applejack say as she walks around the cart to talk to you. When she sees you she stops dead in her tracks. Its at that moment you look down at the position you're in. You're on top of Rainbow Dash pinning her to the ground. Yeah, this isn't at all awkward in any way.
"Okay, I know how this looks Applejack but..." You sit up a little bit as you say that. Big mistake.
You got up off of Rainbow Dash a little as you sat up to try and explain to Applejack what was going on. With your body a little off of hers, it gives her the opening she needs. She pushes you up off of her with her front hooves and with a little help from her wings, she pushes herself off the ground and uses her momentum and gets on top of you.
Its at that moment your inner solid snake kicks back in. You quickly roll to your right out of the way before she can get on top of you and roll back onto your feet. To your right you notice a stack of empty baskets that you put there earlier.
"She's working for Twilight!" You yell at Applejack as you pick one up. "Don't let her get me!" As you say that you pick up one of the baskets and throw it at Rainbow Dash, who had just pounced off the ground and was flying right at you. Right before she hits you though, the large basket lands right on top of her head and stops her. She falls back towards the ground in a daze. With this distraction, you do the one thing you've found yourself good at doing since you got here. You turn towards the apple orchard and run.
"Hey get back here!" Rainbow Dash yells at you as she pulls the basket off of her head. She flares her wings back out ready to fly again.
"Oh no you don't!" Applejack suddenly tackles Rainbow Dash and pins her back towards the ground. Its at that moment that Big Macintosh comes over and sees what's going on.
"Applejack! What the hay are you doing!?" Rainbow Dash asks her. Applejack just ignored her.
"Get after 'em!" Applejack yells at Big Macintosh while motioning over towards the orchard.
"Eeyup!" is all Big Macintosh says in response as he turns and starts galloping off towards the orchard after you.
You run into the apple orchard into the trees. You figure if Rainbow Dash can fly then the trees might do a good job of hiding you. Right now though you just run straight into the forest without stopping. You don't look back you just run. For whatever reason you're feeling more confident in yourself this time around. Maybe its your inner Solid Snake.
Once you feel confidant enough that you're far enough from the ranch, you take a left off the path and run into the trees. You dash (pun intended) into the trees and keep running, not once slowing down. There is however, one problem.
This orchard is friggin huge, and you have absolutely no idea where you are going.
What do you do?
Bonus Chapter: PONY KOMBAT III - Applejack vs Rainbow Dash
"Applejack! What the hay are you doing!?" Rainbow Dash asks her. Applejack just ignored her.
"Get after 'em!" Applejack yells at Big Macintosh while motioning over towards the orchard.
"Eeyup!" is all Big Macintosh says in response as he turns and starts galloping off towards the orchard after you.
Rainbow Dash struggled for a moment in Applejack's hold as she lay there on the ground. She looked forward to see Big Macintosh run into the orchard after you. With that sight burned into her vision, she let out a loud groan and hit Applejack in the ribs with her left elbow. Applejack didn't let go though, so Rainbow Dash hit her again, and again. After the third hit, Applejack relinquished her grip on Rainbow Dash as she got out from under her.
She got back up onto her hooves again and began to flare her wings out as she prepared to take flight after them. Once she got airborne however, she felt something tug at her tail. She looked back to see that Applejack had her tail in her mouth. The extra weight caused her to fall back towards the ground. Once she hit the ground she rolled over onto her back and looked up in the sky. Applejack then suddenly got on top of her and pinned her hooves.
Rainbow Dash however, quickly pulled her back hooves back and kicked Applejack in her stomach, knocking her off of her. Applejack flew back a few feet before she landed on her back and rolled back up onto her hooves. Rainbow Dash got back onto her hooves as well and looked directly at Applejack. Their eyes met.
"Why 're ya helpin Twilight?" Applejack asked her.
"She said it was important," Rainbow Dash responded. "She just came up to me and was practically begging me to help her find that human thing. She..."
"Twilight's not right in tha head right now RD," Applejack said back to her.
"Yeah obviously, but she was..." A sudden realization hit her. "Wait, why do you want him anyway!?"
"He wrecked my stand. He owes me a lot a bits!"
"Yeah, sure!" Rainbow Dash replied. "Out of my way!" The second those words left her mouth she jumped up off of the ground and flew right at Applejack. Right as Rainbow Dash reached her, Applejack pulled back her right hoof and threw a punch. Her blow hit Rainbow Dash right in her face and knocked down on her back again.
Applejack then got on top of Rainbow Dash and threw another punch, and then another, and another. Rainbow Dash threw her hooves over her face to block Applejack's punches, but she didn't stop, Applejack just kept punching her. After Applejack threw what must have been her seventh punch, Rainbow Dash pushed it out of the way right as it was about to hit her, then headbutted Applejack right in the face.
Applejack threw her hooves over her nose in pain and doubled back a bit, which allowed Rainbow Dash to get up and push her to the ground. Rainbow Dash then jumped back and got up onto her hooves. She then flew right at Applejack and tackled her. With Applejack in her hooves, Rainbow Dash flew forward and slammed Applejack into a fence several feet back.
The fence post bent as Applejack hit it, it didn't quite break apart, but it would be needing repairs after this was over. The blow nearly knocked the wind out of Applejack as she let out a gasp for breath. Rainbow, seeing her chance, pulled back and punched Applejack in the face with her right hoof, then her left, then her right again. Applejack didn't even block as her face was hit. After Rainbow Dash's third punch through, she finally put her hoof up to block it, and what she did next Rainbow didn't expect. Applejack braced herself against the fence post she was pinned to and kicked Rainbow Dash right in the chest with both her rear hooves. Her two rear hooves that could knock apples out of any tree. ANY TREE!!!
Rainbow flew backwards nearly as far as she had she had taken Applejack. She landed on her back again and looked up towards the sky. She groaned in pain as her vision became all blurry. Applejack had hit her hard. Suddenly, her vision caught an orange figure jumping up into the air and coming down right at her. Rainbow Dash quickly rolled backwards and jumped up onto her hooves as Applejack hit the ground.
She then ran forward and threw her own punch at Applejack, but Applejack ducked to the side to dodge it and threw her own punch. Rainbow Dash threw up both her hooves to block it, but she was still knocked back a foot or so. Applejack was strong. Applejack then stepped forward and threw another punch. Rainbow Dash quickly ducked to avoid it, then got on her forehooves, spun her rear hooves around, and kicked Applejack in the face with her left hoof first, and then her right hoof. Applejack doubled back from the pain as Rainbow Dash rolled back onto her hooves. Applejack seemed like she was barely able to hold herself up after that kick.
Seeing her chance, she quickly flew forward, punched Applejack twice in the gut, then threw both her hooves around her neck so she was hugging her. She then flew forwards into the orchard, and then upwards into the air well above the trees. Just as they were about to reach the cloud layer however, Applejack came too and grabbed Rainbow Dash by one of the hooves she was carrying her with. Applejack then kneed Rainbow Dash in the gut with her right rear leg, then her left. Rainbow Dash took the first blow, but the second one made her slow down a little and loosen her grip. Seeing this, Applejack quickly pulled Rainbow off of her neck, spun her around in mid air, and then threw both he rear legs into Rainbow's left wing.
Rainbow Dash screamed in pain as she began to fall, Applejack coming with her. Applejack quickly threw her hooves around Rainbow's forehooves to keep her close and to keep her from moving, but Rainbow managed to threw her head back and head but Applejack again. Applejack loosened her grip on Rainbow's hooves as a result, so Rainbow tore her left hoof from Applejack's grasp and elbowed her in the side. This caused Applejack to loose her grip on Rainbow completely, so she then spun herself around in mid are and threw another kick towards Applejack.
Applejack quickly put up both her hooves to stop Rainbow's kick, then threw her own punch with hit Rainbow Dash square in the face. Rainbow Dash flew back a bit from that, but then moved forward and threw her own punch, which Applejack managed to block. The two of them traded blow for blow as they fell through the sky, neither one of them noticing just how high up they were. Rainbow Dash tried to fly again, but her wing was in too much pain from Applejack's kick. It was possible that she had broken a bone in there somehow.
Eventually, the two of them landed in one of the many trees in the apple orchard. The leaves and branches breaking their fall somewhat. The two of them fell right through the tree until they landed right in a basket full of apples, which broke their fall even more.
The two of them lay there writhing in pain for several moments. Eventually, Rainbow Dash managed to get up, Applejack shortly followed her. Their bodies ached, their faces, their backs, everything. All they did was groan in pain as they sat there. Applejack even rubbed her head with her stetson hat (which had miraculously not fallen off once this entire time).
Eventually, Rainbow Dash looked to her left and Applejack to her right, and their eyes locked on each other. They stood there staring at each other for several moments, each one taking in the other. The pain was there, so was the fire, but... there was also the smell... that smell...
The fire still in their eyes, they both pulled their hooves back to throw another punch at each other. Once they did though, instead of hitting each other in the face, they both wrapped their hooves around each other and pulled each other into a kiss. They then fell back onto the broken pile of apples as they made out furiously.
-Meanwhile-
Big Macintosh had the human in his sights, he was running straight down the path through the orchard. Sure, he could understand why he ran, but he still had a debt to pay them, and he had to keep an eye on him. Still, he had to give this human credit. He was a fast runner.
Suddenly, the human darted to the left and ran right into the trees. Big Mac was just about to turn and follow him, when something appeared directly in front of him and stopped him. Something purple...
Twilight Sparkle appeared right in front of him. She didn't even teleport, it was almost like she ran really, really fast and then instantaneously skidded to a halt in front of him, and she looked pissed.
She had looked more or less the same as she did when she was at Rarity's boutique. The body suit, the bandanna and the eye patch were all still there. There was however, the addition of a belt around her midsection with a scabbard attached to it that held her katana. She looked directly at Big Macintosh. Right at him.
Big Macintosh just stared back at her. He just stared right into the one eye that wasn't covered by the eye patch. She could see how batshit insane pissed off she was, but he could also see something else. Her eye was bloodshot... really bloodshot. Like she hadn't slept all night nor had she even slept bloodshot, and there were also heavy bags under her eyes. Given the evidence, Big Macintosh had to assume that she didn't sleep at all last night.
"I am here for him..." she finally spoke to him.
"For who?" Big Macintosh asked back.
"The hu-man..." Twilight responded. "I... I... n-need that... Hu... man. Give him to me.... The one you took.... I need my centaur. Need to stop Nyarlathotep."
"Are..." Big Mac hesitated a bit before he continued. "Are you okay Twilight?"
"I think your rage broke Twilight," said the ghost of Sombra the floated right next to Twilight. The one that only she could see.
"SHUT UP GHOST OF SOMBRA!!!"
"What was that?" Big Macintosh asked her.
"I'M NOT CRAZY!!" Twilight responded. "YOU'RE CRAZY! ESPECIALLY YOU SOMBRA!!!"
"Eeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy," the ghost of Sombra responded.
"Who are you talking to?" Big Mac asked her.
"HUMAN!" Twilight responded back. "Hand now please..."
"Um..." Big Macintosh responded, a little freaked out by her apparent insanity. "Ah really don't have him." The second those words hit Twilight's ears, a blood vessel suddenly broke in her only open eye, which caused the whole thing to turn blood red.
"No..." she responded to him.
"Uhh...." was all Big Macintosh could say.
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo........................" was all Twilight said again as her horn began to glow with a magenta light. Big Macintosh didn't move, as he wasn't at all intimidated by her as she was. Suddenly, Twilight blinked as her eye returned to normal, and her expression suddenly changed from one of insanity to confusion.
"No wait, what?" she said as she looked around. "Where am I? Why are you here? Where's Sombra?"
"Didn't the crystal heart kill him?" Big Macintosh responded.
"Yes!" Twilight said. "Of course it did. He's dead.... forever..."
"So... ummm..." Big Macintosh began to say as he walked closer to her. "You all right Twilight?" Twilight didn't respond, instead she just looked towards the ground. The look her face wore was one of disappointment and sadness. Seeing this, Big Macintosh let out a sigh and put his large right hoof on her should. "Look, Ms. Twilight. You're not okay, ah can tell. We all can tell... You're stressed out. You've been runnin around like crazy all o' yesterday and last night and its finally takin its toll on you. You need to stop." As he said this, she slowly began to look back up at him. "How about we go back to the farm and Ah help you relax a little?" He said as he put on a comforting smile. It was the kind of smile that was hard to resist. Twilight let out a sigh.
"All right," she said as she gently pushed his hoof off of her. "Just a quickie though," she said as she began to walk forward again.
"Eeyup," Big Macintosh replied as the two of them walked back down the road towards the farmhouse. As they did, Big Macintosh looked back into the trees and gave a quick wink to the human he knew was out there. He may have owed him a debt, but that didn't mean he had to let him get thrown to the wolves. Big Macintosh was an honest stallion, and he always did what was right.
Man, if only that were the case. If you were Sonic the Hedgehog you'd be able to outrun these ponies no problem. You kind of don't want to be a hedgehog though. Nothing against hedgehog's but you you'd rather not be one. A better idea would be to wish that you were The Flash. Just as fast (possibly even faster), and still human.
As these thoughts pass through your head you take a moment to reflect on how Sonic games have really gone downhill since Sonic Adventure... Whatever happened... Oh well that is something to wonder for another time.
For no reason you sing the song "Mega Man 3 with Lyrics" by brentalfloss. You have no idea why, but you just feel compelled to as you run. Plus it helps with your breathing. Plus, you've been working on a farm all day. You don't exactly have a lot of energy.
You attempt to contact me, not knowing I never listen to my new messages.
That would be a good idea.... IF YOU EVEN KNEW WHO THIS PERSON WAS!!!! Sure, the people reading this story and the other users on fimfiction may know who this person is but you certainly don't. Also there is the fact that this person might actually be a pony, and if that is the case, you're not sure if you can trust him... or her... After all, all the ponies you've met so far save for Lyra and Bon Bon haven't been exactly trustworthy.
Rainbow dash said that you smelled nice.
try to find some way to hide your body odor.
Whatever you do, if you see a line of foreboding trees past the apple orchard, don't go that way.
Do not climb the apple trees. Big Mac will just knock you down. Or if cartoon physics are in play he could bend the tree and slingshot you out, which wouldn't be pleasant.
Also, try to find something to mask your body odor. You're in a farm. Perhaps you could smear yourself with pig or cow crap if you somehow found yourself in the pens? It wouldn't be nice, but who wants to rape something that smells like fertilizer?
Look for the compost heap and roll in it. You have to get rid of your manly smell!
You actually contemplated doing this as you ran away from the ranch. Rainbow Dash said something about your smell, so you thought that maybe that was what was somehow attracting these ponies to you. So logically the best thing to would be to mask that scent.
Unfortunately, this orchard, is as you noticed while you were out working with Applejack and Big Macintosh, is the cleanest orchard you've ever seen. If such a thing was even possible.
Seriously, apart from the ground, there isn't a spec of dirt or filth to be seen anywhere in this orchard. You suppose you should commend Applejack and Big Macintosh for taking such good care of their orchard, but for now it doesn't help at all.
There isn't a single bit of compost to be found anywhere and the only thing you've noticed that might even remotely hide your scent was the mud back in the pig pen on the farm (yes the farm had a pig pen... you are not sure why), but for obvious reasons YOU ARE NOT GOING BACK THERE!!! At least not now anyway. Not until things cool down.
Run face first into a tree..
.. Ouch
Unfortunately while your mind wonders to all these places, you don't pay attention to where you are going and run face first into a tree.
"Ouch..." you say as you hold your hands over your nose. That really hurt.
Oh, and speaking of which, the reason you know what a broken nose feels like is because you broke your nose when you were younger. Its not exactly a pleasant memory for you, but lets just say it involved, a skateboard, an empty pool, and a particular person that you made angry. Yeah you were incredibly young and stupid at the time. Now you know better.
You fall on your butt and look up at the tree. Suddenly something hits you, not literally of course, but figuratively as you realize something.
Climb a tree.
Climb a tree and live in the leaves till the heat dies down.
Remember one of your hominid advantages. Climb up and hide in one of the apple trees and get some rest and food.
Hands. amaze the ponies with tricks of your hands.
¡¡Time to use my super abilities of climbing trees!!
climb one of the trees
1. Hide in a tree.
2. Wait until nightfall.
3. Sneak out of the orchard when its dark using the same path you came in on.
You are a human being. You're descended from chimpanzees. You have hands. You have thumbs...
YOU CAN CLIMB TREES!!!
Of course! These ponies only have hooves so they won't be able to get you if you climb up into one of the trees. Without even thinking twice about it you jump up and grab one of the branches on the tree you just ran into. You climb all the way up it, close to the top. This is the best plan you've had all day.
You climb a tree and find some fruit bats. From there, you hand out with your new fruit-themed friends, and they hide you from the crazy ponies. Hopefully.
As you get closer to the top, you notice a rather large piece of fruit hanging from one of the branches. Thinking that you could probably take it and save it for later, you reach out and grab it. Unfortunately, as you do, its eyes suddenly open. The sight of a piece of fruit with eyes freaks you out tremendously, and you almost fall out of the tree. You catch yourself before you do. As you do, you notice the piece of fruit spread out its wings and make a rather strange squeaking noise.
You had no way of knowing it, but you just ran into a fruit bat. With it awake and with it screeching, it alerts the many other bats in the trees around you (you're wondering how the hell you did not notice them before) which all spread their wings and fly away.
The distraction of so many bats flying past you makes you loose your grip and balance and fall out of the tree. You land on your butt again, luckily the tree wasn't that big so it doesn't hurt too bad. You look up at the sky to see lots and lots of fruit bats flying out of the trees. All of them flying into the sky... right where you are... like a signal...
As my role model says in these types of situations: Run!
runnign running running running!
(pull back a branch)
face!
(hits big mac face dead center)
now then
RRRUUUUUUNNN
You get up as quickly as you can and keep running. You don't even want to know who could have seen all those bats fly out and follow them right to you. Climbing the trees was a good plan while it lasted. You might do it again but for now you run as fast as you can to get away from this spot.
>Go Northeast
>you are in an orchard
>Go Northeast
>you are in town
(i looked at a map of the town, SAA is southwest of it. use the sun as a compass.)
randomyay...
You could do that... IF YOU KNEW WHAT DIRECTION NORTHEAST WAS!!! WHICH YOU DON'T, YOU REALLY DON'T! You have no idea where you even are much less what direction northeast is. Even if you did you have no idea where that leads, so you don't know that it will lead you right back into town.
Discover CMC club house
You find the CMC clubhouse.
Upon entering, you discover that they are chanting something Latin and are surrounded in a summoning circle.
They're trying to get their demon summoning cutie marks.
Yet despite all that, it seems that fortune, Jesus, and Solid Snake are all smiling on you at the moment. You keep running and find an open clearing in the orchard, and when you do, you notice a rather large treehouse in one of the trees. There doesn't appear to be anybody (or pony) inside.
Again, please leave all comments about what to do next in the previous chapter. Thank you.
As an extra special thank you to all of you who liked, favorited, and commented on this story, my friend DaedaltheusXIV and I decided to throw together something extra special just for you.
This video goes out to every single one of you
(and to one of you in particular, you know who you are )
Since the annotation doesn't work as well on the fimfiction page I've provided this for you. (load up the video first and then hit play on this right as I say "one" in the above video)
Kick down the door of the tree house, after that you shout "I HAVE ARRIVED"
I got nothing... Just go with whatever the person under me said.
Time for the return of the "DYNAMIC ENTRY!"
Dynamic entry into the CMCs' clubhouse and attempt to convince them (if they are present to witness said entry) to help you hide from the other insane ponies in exchange for the chance that they may earn their cutie marks for hospitality/ kindness/ mercy, etc. It's a long shot but beggars can't be choosers.
Open the door while screaming 'I CAME' for no apearent reason, then procees to close the door. Inside you see three fillies sitting on what looks to you like a red and white ringed circle. Ask the three fillies if they have something you can use to get rid of that smell and if they can privode cover for an idefinite amount of time
Dynamic entry LIKE A BOSS then run away while getting chased by a pony that came out of a blue phone box that was inside the clubhouse in the middle of a pentagram.
Not one to be slowed down, and not one to turn down an opportunity to hide when you see it (not realizing what happened last time you tried that *cough Rarity *cough) you start running again and make your way towards the tree house.
Without slowing down, you run up the ramp to the front door, knowing fully well that for a bawller boss like you. A regular entry just will not do. NO SIR! NOT AT ALL!!!
Right as you are about to reach the door, you jump up and extend your leg. That's right, you are GOING TO DYNAMIC ENTRY THIS SHIT LIKE THE BOSS THAT YOU ARE!!!!
"I CAME!!!" You shout as you fly towards the door. You would have shouted "Dynamic entry" like Gai did, but for whatever reason you feel compelled to shout that instead. You aren't sure why.
Unfortunately you were so caught up in your dynamic entry that you fail to notice that the door is already open, so you fly right through the door and tumble onto the floor like an idiot. After almost hitting the back wall you stop and roll onto your back.
"I HAVE ARRIVED!!!" You shout as you stare up at the ceiling. You don't know why you were compelled to shout that either, you just do. You really shout stop shouting though, you don't want to give away your position.
Look around if you could find something helpful.(Like potions, weapons, armors etc. etc.)
Loot the tree house of valuables.
There are no ponies currently inside the treehouse.
Eat some stale cookies from the pantry.
Collect shuriken from Cutie Mark Crusaders Ninjas adventure.
Find some green and brown rolls of dumb fabric and make a Gillie suit.
Hide in the cupboard until the heat dies down, then sneak into the forest in gillie suit.
You get up and look around tree house. Ends up you were right. There are no ponies here, this tree house is completely empty... for now that is. You use this rare moment of being in a house with no one around to look around the tree house and loot it for valuables. If there is one thing that your videogames have taught you, its that there are always valuables around any house.
Unfortunately after thoroughly rummaging through the place (and putting back everything as you found it; you don't want to let anyone know you've been here obviously) you find nothing. Absolutely nothing useful or otherwise. There weren't even any stale cookies in the pantry you checked. There was a cookie jar there, but unfortunately there were no cookies in it. Guess someone must have gotten to them before you.
The only thing you find while rummaging through this place is a pack of crayons. Will that be useful? You really have no idea, so you put them in your pocket just to be safe.
You have acquired crayons.
Put on your Army helmet, get inside, and start barricading with HMGs and lots of ammo.
You also find an army helmet while looking around this place (oddly enough), but it is much too small for your head and is made of cheap plastic. The thought occurs to you to start barricading the treehouse just in case any ponies show up. Unfortunately you have no weapons with which to barricade the treehouse nor any ammo with which to supply them. Plus nobody in Ponyville owns a weapon, so getting one might be incredibly difficult.
Burn the clubhouse to the ground!
BURN IT!!! that should be enough of a distraction for you to plan to burn more stuff
The thought occurs to you to burn down the tree house, but you quickly shake your head free of those thoughts. You don't want to give away your position just yet, much less burn anything down. Even if you did, you have no objects on you with which to burn down this treehouse.
Just then, something hits you, and you realize something. You're in a place that's only one room. Nothing useful or otherwise can be found in it, and you're once again hiding...
...
...
...
...
There is only one thing you can do.
You opened the door (technically it was already open by hey, semantics)
You get on the floor
#1: Do the god damn dinosaur already; you put off doing it for too long, and even if you want an audience to see you do it, the nagging urge to do so can't be ignored.
Make the treehouse your hidey-hole! Then do the dinosaur on the floor! (Or the moonwalk, depending on how awesome you feel!)
Alternatively, realise how stupid this is. Hiding in a tree that is designed to stand out is a horrible idea as it is the most likely tree that will attract attention. You would be found almsot instantly.......
But hide in it anyway.
1. Go up to the tree house.
2. Open door to tree house.
3. Make said tree house your new base of operations.
4. Do the mother fucking dinosaur to celebrate your new base of operations.
YOUR INNER ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG COMMANDS IT!
1.) Enter treehouse 2.) Do the dinosaur 3.) ??? 4.) Profit
YES, YES, YES. BY GOD YOU ABSOLUTELY NEEDED THIS!!!
You've had this unbelievably nagging itch to do this again since you did it in Lyra's house, and now that you're doing it again it feels so god damned good... And silly.
"Open the door, get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur
Open the door, get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur"
You sing aloud as you do it. My God you feel silly right now but you can't help it.
Oh great, a small house of sorts, that must mean there are more ponies. You don't want to just avoid civilization but you can't risk getting almost-raped again because of you're alluring stench (you knew you shouldn't have put on Axe body spray before dimension-hopping). As you ponder the conundrum you hear a sound that has so far meant nothing but trouble for you: the chopchopchop of helicopter blades. The Holy Hind once again flies over your head, but this time it stops and hovers in mid-air above your head. Solid Snake, once again in the co-pilot's seat, opens the hatch and takes out a bucket of sewer water and rotten fish. Snake leans out and pours the vile concoction over your head. He and Jesus then fly off as he gives you a thumbs up. Congratulations! You now smell like piss-water and dead fish instead of sex!
Your epic moment of doing the dinosaur is interrupted by a vaguely familiar sound.
"Oh no no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO!!!" You scream to yourself as you get up and look around for a place to hide. Instinctively, you duck into one of the corners and get low. If nothing else, they won't be able to see you. Though the wooden frames of the house won't do jack against bullets, which you know for certain a hind helicopter would have.
*This plays in the background* ~But you didn't have to cut me off Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing And I don't even need your love But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough.~ Look around in confusion wondering where that music is coming from.
Suddenly, as the sound get closer, it seems to change. It sounds more like a lawnmower than a helicopter. You're not about to look outside and check though.
Then suddenly you hear another sound.
"But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough."
It sounds like three little girls singing. Why they are singing that you have absolutely no idea, but they are getting closer.
Suddenly, you hear what sounds like a motorcycle skid to a halt. It skids for several seconds before everything falls silent. The singing oddly stops as well.
"So, what are we gonna do today Scootaloo?" you hear a rather squeaky voice ask outside.
"The same thing we do every day Sweetie," another, more boyish voice says. "Try to get our cutie marks!"
You're still hiding in the corner.
What do you do?
-Meanwhile back at the ranch-
"Again, I'm really sorry about that Applejack," Rainbow Dash said to Applejack as the two of them walked out of the orchard on the path back towards the farm. Blood and bruises still covering their bodies.
"Ah said it twas all right RD," Applejack responds as she walks next to her, a comforting smile on her face. "Ya'll didn't know any better. Ah probably would 'ave done tha same thing."
"Yeah," Rainbow Dash said, she hung her head low as she walked. "But Twilight just seemed really worried when she came to me. Like she needed to find that human thing or..."
"Yeah, Ah know," Applejack said in response. "Let's just be thankful that neither of us really got hurt."
"Yeah," Rainbow said as she looked back up at Applejack, a sheepish smiled adorned her face. Applejack couldn't help but smile as well. The two of them walked in silence the rest of the way towards the farm.
Right as they reached the farmhouse however.
"OH YES! OH BIG MAC YOU'RE SO GOOD AT THAT!!!"
"Uh... Applejack," Applejack didn't even respond as she kicked down the door and jumped inside, ready to beat the living apples out of anything in her house if need be. ESPECIALLY BIG MACINTOSH!!!
What she saw however made her do a double take.
Twilight was lying on her belly on the couch. Her solid snake outfit (eye patch included) was all off of her and folded on a nearby table, her sword at the top of the pile. Her limbs were all spread out and relaxed like she hadn't been all day. Big Macintosh sat on top of her, his forehooves on her back.
Both he and Twilight just looked dumbly at Applejack as she stood there at the entrance with a look of confusion on her face. Rainbow Dash stood behind her, just as confused as she was.
"To the sweat drips from my balls, I'm beatin' ya down to the fuckin' ground, Got a Mega Buster for y'all, c'mon!"
Okay that is enough singing of Duane & BrandO's awesome rendition of their song Megaman 2. You need to figure out what the hell to do. You can hear them coming up the ramp.
Oh god the HIND HELICOPTER HAS TRANSFORMED INTO A PONY! Throw crayons at it while shouting "Get back vile shapeshifting demon!!!"
Oh come on! You know better than that! The hind isn't a transformer (at least as far as you know. You've seen that it clearly has pilots and last time you checked, transformers don't need pilots) and even if it was there is no way it could transform into a lawnmower.... or whatever is outside.
Also you're pretty sure there are no shapeshifting demons in this world as far as you know, and even if there was they wouldn't transform into a trio of little girls (Oh the irony of these statements in multiple ways). Plus, even if it was a demon you know that there is no way that you could kill it with a crayon.... Of that at least you are pretty sure....
Plus, you might need the crayons for later. You aren't about to get rid of them just yet.
You look out the window of the club house down at the younger ponies and smirk slightly, "This tree house must be theirs"
Still, you quickly look out the window to confirm your beliefs. You quickly move your head over to the nearby window and look outside. Outside you see three little fillies, one yellow, one white, and one orange.
'Crap! This tree house must be theirs!?' you think to yourself. You've got to get out of here. You suppose you could try to deceive these children into hiding you, but you have no idea how well that will even work, or how gullible these children may be. Hell, you have no idea how they may react to meeting another species. Sure all the other ponies took it well but they were grown adults, these are clearly kids.
Crap, you can see them coming up the ramp now.
They don't know what you are. Make like a statue!
Grabe the lamp shade and pretend to be a lamp
I second this idea.
Disguise yourself as lamp post, quicky
Don on a tanuki costume from Mario bros 3 and turn into a statue.
If that doesnt work, throw shit at them in hopes they will run away. Even if that means your actual shit.
And if that doesnt work, simply go out the front door and walk away like nothing happened. Well they are just kids, not like they will rape you.
You look around frantically for a lamp post you could use to disguise yourself as. There are however, three problems with this idea that prevent it from working.
1.) The closest thing to a lamp post that you find is a desk lamp on a nearby dresser, and the lampshade on it is much too small for your head, as it is roughly about the same size as the army helmet you found earlier. 2.) There is nothing in this treehouse that even remotely resembles a lamp shade. There's a light on the ceiling, but that's just a dangling lightbulb. Upon reflection of that though, you think how that just seems like an accident waiting to happen. 3.) You really have no idea how to "grabe" a lampshade. You're not even remotely sure what it means to grabe something.
Also as has been established, you are dealing with Solid Snake, not Mario, so there are no tanuki costumes around for you to grab. Even if there was you're pretty sure it won't work.
Hahaha! Lawl, well played with the whole Big Mac scene. Most amusing. Alright, I think I've got a good one this time:
"Only one thing to do! BARRICADE THE ENTRANCE! You quickly run over to the door and slam it closed, pressing your body weight against it. Moments later, you hear hoofsteps just outside. A force begins to exert itself against the door, but you are a bawler bawss and easily hold it back. "Hey! What gives?" a rather brash young voice calls out. "The door's stuck!"
Suddenly, you get an idea. A wonderful idea. "Whooooo~" you begin to moan softly. "I am a ghoooost! WHOOOOO~ I have taken over your clubhooouse ooooooooo!!" You chuckle to yourself at the terrified screams from the other side of the door. "Iiif you eeever want your cluuubhouse baaack," you continue, "youuuu must briiiing meeee the smelliest thiiiings you can fiiind!" After all, you still have a scent problem to deal with. Might as well kill two birds with one stone! "Oh, and a shrubbery," you suddenly feel the need to add."
Only one thing comes to your mind. You quickly slam the door and press your back up against it to barricade the entrance. Moments later, you feel a force attempt to exert itself against the door, but you're much to strong for whoever it is outside and your bawller boss strength holds it back, at least for now.
"Hey! What gives?" You hear the tomboyish voice ask from outside.
"What's wrong, Scootaloo?" You hear another voice ask, this one with the same southern style accent as Applejack. Crap, another relative of Applejack's! At least that's the first conclusion your brain draws (which turns out to be completely right).
"The door's stuck!" The voice of who you assume is Scootaloo. Suddenly, you get a brilliant, and yet at the same time insanely stupid idea.
"Whoooo~," you moan softly in your creepiest ghost voice possible. "I am a ghooost! Whoooo~ I have taken over your clubhouse oooooo!"
"What the hay!" you hear the southern voice ask from outside. "What's goin on here?"
"Yeah, we know there's no such thing as ghosts," Scootaloo adds.
"If you ever want your clubhouse back..." you attempt to continue the act. "You must bring me..."
"Diamond Tiara, is that you in there?" You hear Scootaloo ask.
"Yeah, just come on out," you hear another, squeaky voice said. "This isn't funny." Crap! They aren't buying it. You need another plan.
Cut of your genitalia, CANT RAPE YOU NOW
... ... ... ... ...
That is BY FAR THE STUPIDEST IDEA YOU'VE HAD ALL DAY! AND YOU'VE HAD SOME PRETTY DAMN STUPID IDEAS TODAY!!!
No, you need another plan. Preferably one that doesn't involve severing your genitalia. You're a bawller boss after all you aren't about to go through life without those.
1. Dive out the window. 2. Run away.
Jump out the window and run
If all else fails throw a grenade before you jump out the nearest window.
Jump out the window like a BOWSS! Or better yet, a SOUCE BOWSS!
Remenber your agent 47 skills! -Take something that breaks easy or made of metal. -Toss it out of a window, the sound will distract the CMC. -Once they go see what it was, sneak out 47 style. -Head to the forest and do the moonwalk! -Profit.
Try and jump out of the window, only to get stuck mid-way. The CMC arrive and find your ass hanging there with squirming legs. "What's that, Scootaloo?" »Mike
Quickly Dive out the window! Then realize diving out a tree-house window was probably a bad idea. Fortunately the window was too small for you to fit through so no headfirst plunge to the ground, unfortunately you are now stuck in the window frame.
Dive out the treehouse's window, then run like a deathclaw is after your ass. Better gone then captured.
Solid Snake out of the window as they enter! Then run off screaming "Can't catch me now, suckers!!!!!!!!"
You glance over at the open window only a few feet away from you. Suddenly, you can feet your inner Solid Snake returning. You put on a determined face as you know what you must do.
Without even a moment's hesitation you take yourself off the door and do a running jump towards the window. You then leap out of it like Solid Snake would and fly out towards freedom.
Unfortunately, you plummet towards the ground face first. Your original plan was to do an awesome action roll as you hit the ground, but you suppose you aren't that badass enough yet...
Fortunately, the distance from the window to the ground wasn't that much so you aren't hurt. Not badly at least.
You slowly get back up and look over towards the treehouse to see the faces of three very confused looking little ponies looking right at you.
"Can't catch me now, suckers!!!!!" You yell at them as you get back up on your feet and take off into the forest again. The three little fillies don't say a word as they just watch you go.
Great, now you're back in the orchard again right where you started. Where are you gonna do now?
Wait, wait wait wait. Clearly you're in a badly written fanfic. You need to break the fourth wall and beat up the author. So your current goal?
Pinkimena. Diane. Pie.
Get her help. At all costs.
<--- I second this guy's idea.
Okay that is an odd idea. You're not quite sure what to think of that. Even if you were in some sort of badly written fanfic, you're not about to go beating up the author of it. Surely he's a pretty awesome guy.
Either way though, you for whatever reason feel compelled to find someone named "Pinkamena Diane Pie," whoever that is.
Luckily when you jumped out of the treehouse and ran back into the orchard, the direction you happened to run in turned out to be Northeast and you end up back in town.
"Oh thank god!" you say to yourself as you see the town. Thankful to be back in somewhat familiar territory at least you run back into town.
For some reason -and you have no idea why- you make your way towards the center of town where you find a building that for all intents and purposes looks like a gingerbread house.
Without thinking and without stopping, you run up to it, run through the doors into the establishment...
And then everything suddenly goes black.....
-Meanwhile back at the ranch-
That's not just a backrub. That's a POST COITAL BACK RUB :D
"So Twilight..." Applejack began to ask. "You didn't.... you didn't do.... with mah brother... did...?"
"What!" Twilight exclaimed as she suddenly realized what Applejack was talking about. "No! Oh Celestia no I didn't do anything like that!" At that, Applejack just looked over at Big Macintosh.
"Nope..." was all he said. At that, Applejack let out a breath that she didn't even realize that she'd been holding in.
"Thank Celestia," she said as she wiped the sweat from her brow with a hoof. "For a moment there I thought you..."
"I'm saving myself for that human so I can give birth to a Centaur and stop Nyarlathotep," Twilight said before Applejack could finish what she was about to say. At that moment, all eyes were on Twilight. If it was possible for a pony's pupils to get so wide that they would burst out of their heads, they would have certainly done that now. Even Big Macintosh was staring at Twilight with the same look of "what is this I don't even..." that his sister had.
"So..." said Rainbow Dash, who was still in the doorway. "That human wasn't lying when you said you tried to rape him?" If it were possible for blushes to ignite farmhouses, then at that moment the blush that appeared on Twilight's face would have done just that.
That's the second time since you got there that this has happened. Except this time, it feels like you can't move, like your arms and legs are once again bound by something. Oddly enough though you still have your clothes on this time.
'Crap!' you think to yourself as you take in the situation.
What do you... "*ahem hey..."
...
...
...
...
...
...
What do y... "HEY!"
What is it Pinkie Pie!?
"Oh nothing. I just wanted to thank all the commenters for bringing the human to me. I've been waiting for my turn with him and now I finally got it. Thank you commenters!"
PINKIE PIE STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!!!!
"Aww.... but why?"
Because this isn't that kind of story.
"Why can't it be that kind of story?"
Because it can't all right. This is my story and this is how I choose to write it.
"Aww.... All right fine. But at least can I...?"
Yes, you can still do that Pinkie.
"YAY!!!!"
Why are you even talking to the commenters anyway, you know they can't talk back to you right?
"Well, yeah but that doesn't mean I can't do it right?"
You never talk to the audience during the show.
"Yeah, but that's cause I'm contractually obligated not to. They don't like me talking to the audience for some reason. I'm not sure why."
I can only imagine.
"What's that supposed to mean!?"
Oh, nothing. Anyway Pinkie, you think you could go back to what you were doing so I can start the next chapter?
"Okie dokie loki. '*giggles' I'm really looking forward to it."
Yes, I know you are.
"Anyway. Thank you commenters!!!" *waves hoof.
Okay, see you tomorrow Pinkie.
"Bye Razor. Remind me to bake you that extra super duper looper souper cinnamon roll when we're done!"
Okay I will. But for now, we got a fanfic to move forward with.
"You're right. Give me some REALLY REALLY REALLY good ones commenters. I'm really looking forward to what you come up with. Bye bye!" *waves hoof again.
Contemplate how so many ponies have been able to easily capture you despite all of your bad-ass skills and vow to do better in the future. Seriously, this is your third time getting captured by ponies; you should be embarrassed.
You groan and slap your palm to your forehead. "Again? why is it I am always me who get into these situations?!"
you look around and murmur "Hello?"
Before you start doing the standard "omg im tied to something and im totally freaking out now" flailing in binds thing, consider why twilight and rarity were chasing you (and I guess that rainbow maned Pegasus too). Did you, at ANYPOINT before coming here, put on.......axe body spray or use any axe product? That product did have its fake warnings about "women may go gaga over you with that manly scent" if you use axe products, and if so, maybe something in that product is making these ponies go into "raep train" mode
........or maybe you have as much an idea as sam fisher being behind you and acting all sam fisher sneaky like
"Again..." you groan as you try to slap yourself on the head, but fail to as your hands are tied. "Why is it that I am always getting into these situations?" As you say that, you contemplate all the events that happened prior to this, and more specifically how easily you've managed to walk into several of these pony's traps despite your badass skills. You make a note to do better in the future.
It also occurs to you that if at some point before you came here you used Axe body spray. Sure, you know their commercials are bullshit, but you can't help contemplate it. You think of everything you did prior to going to sleep last night, and the answer to whether or not you used any Axe body spray comes out as a resounding no. You haven't used Axe products since you switched the Old Spice months ago.
Hug the Grue before it can EAT YOU!!!!!!
You're quite sure that there aren't any grues in here. There weren't any in Applejack's basement so there wouldn't be any here either. Logically speaking. Plus, the fact that you haven't been eaten yet is proof enough of that.
LIGHT A TORCH!
If this fails.... go north.
You could do that... IF YOU WEREN'T TIED TO THIS TABLE!!! You're assuming its a table anyway, it feels like one. But yeah you aren't going anywhere. Also you have no materials with which to "light a torch," good idea while it lasted though.
*throws Razor into his own story*
Failing that, try moving.
You're not entirely sure what you mean by "throw Razor into his own story," as you're quite certain you've never met anyone named Razor in your life and never will. Even if you could do that, how would he help you?
Oh, and you already tried moving while you were pondering whether or not you used Axe body spray. It didn't work.
Pray to the greek gods!
Okay.
You pray to the Greek gods for your release from this dark room. You don't get any response back from them. Figures as much. Plus, you've known ever since you read The Iliad and the Oddessy that Zeus is kind of an asshole anyway, so he probably won't be helping you. Athena might though, though she likely has better things to do.
Milk yourself.
Spray gallons of breast milk from your succulent teats, drowning everyone.
... ...
...
...
Yeah you're not entirely sure how you could do this. You are a MAN (you really have no idea how that wasn't obvious before, what with all the mares trying to have their way with you like there's no tomorrow) and you're quite certain you won't be doing any of that. Besides, how would that be helpful?
You need to start thinking of some better ideas.
Find the light switch.
Okay, that IS a better idea. You are however, still tied to the table. Yep, nothing's changed. So even if you wanted to find the lightswitch, you really can't. You contemplate whether or not you can do anything from where you are right now. Besides attempting to move of course.
"Ah, the darkness, your old friend! Strike up a friendly conversation with the darkness. Perhaps it will have something interesting to say?"
Talk to the darkness and hope that it helps you, but it doesn't because sadly you're not a host.
You sigh as you cannot come up with any better ideas at the moment other than talk to the darkness.
"Well darkness," you say to it. "I don't suppose you have any idea how I can get out of here, do you?" The darkness doesn't respond. "No? Well then you got anything interesting things to say least?" The darkness still doesn't respond. The absence of light doesn't have any vocal cords so it is incapable of speech.
Out of nowhere though, since you spoke, you suddenly hear a stirring in the room. Someone else is definitely in here with you. Suddenly, you start to hear a soft tune begin to play as the sound of what starts like a record fills the room. There are a few scratches at first, but then suddenly a steady a slow, soft, yet steady beat begins to come in.
*This tune in your ears* "What the devil is that noise?"
"What the devil is that noise?" you silently ask yourself as the beat hits your ears. It almost sounds kind of catchy.
Well, of course I do the links! Anyherp,
FUCK DARKNESS! You decide that pulling a God would be the best route.
"Let there be light," you say.
Clap your hands and wait for a source of light to come in . . It worked!!! *feel like a god*
'Fuck this!' you say to yourself in your head. You've really had about enough of this darkness.
"Let there be light!" You scream as you clap your hands. Unfortunately since your hands and feet are bound, the only thing you can do that is remotely close to a clap is pelvic thrust up and slam your butt against the table.
Miraculously though, it works. The lights come on and fill up the entire room. For the moment you feel like God, or at least you do for about ten milliseconds.
Scream like a little girl.
The sight that you're met with when the lights suddenly come on makes you scream like a little girl. You really need to stop doing that.
Right in front of you, less than an inch away from your face (you just now realize that the table you're tied to is tilted upwards so that you're facing forward) is the face of a pink pony with an impossibly poofy pink mane. Her eyes are light blue and the smile on her face is about as wide as a smile on a pony face can possibly get.
You notice that she's wearing some kind of black cloak with a large, silver collar that covers her entire body from the neck down. You cannot possibly fathom why.
The exact instant the lights come on, the music that was playing becomes comes in in full force as the real tune to the song starts playing.
"How d'you do, I, See you've met my, Faithful fillyfriends,"
The pink pony starts to sing to you in the most bubblegummy voice you can possibly imagine.
"They're just a little brought down, Because when you knocked, They thought you were the candymare."
Suddenly, she turns around and starts to strut away from you. You notice in particular the way she sways her hips (you guess its flanks for them) as she walks away from you towards the other side of the room.
"Don't get strung up by the way I look. Don't judge a book by its cover. I'm not much of a mare by the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a lover."
What happens next you can swear makes your eyes pop right out of your skull. The moment the pink pony reaches the other side of the room, she turns around and throws off the cloak. With it gone, you can see that the pink pony is wearing some kind of sexy black lingerie, complete with leggings. At the very least, you assume this would be considered sexy lingerie as far as ponies go.
"I'm just a sweet Pink Pony From Ponelicious, Ponyville."
Stands there for a moment and twirls around to show herself off before she starts to strut right back towards you.
"Let me show you around Maybe play you a sound. You look like you're pretty groovy."
As she reaches you she begins to walk around the table you're tied to and brushes her tail against your face.
"Or if you want something visual That's not too abysmal, We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie."
First, calm down.(you too pinkie) Next, Start singing
Ask while singing really loudly where you are.
Sing a happy song happy songs make pink demon's go a way..
Calmly ask why you are tied up surly this pink pony must have a goodish reason for knocking you out and then strapping you down in a dark room.
..................
..................
..................
Yah, your boned.
use your awsome bawler boss negotiation abilities (you rely too much on outside forces to help) and become her friend. promise (pinkie promise if she agrees) that you owe her one (child friendly) favor if she helps you out
For a moment, she stops singing. You figure this is your chance to speak.
"I'm glad I'm finally able meet you," you say to her, hopefully in keeping with the tune of the song. "Can you tell me why I'm tied to this table?" She just keeps walking around you and the table you're tied to as you keep talking. "I'm kind of in a bit of a hurry." You pause for a moment, but still she says nothing. " For that matter, can you tell me where I am? I'd really like to get out of this jam. I don't want to be any worry."
The second you say those last words, she gets in front of you, stands up on her hind legs and puts both her forehooves right next to your shoulders.
"Well you got caught flat on your back, well, how `bout that?"
She began to sing again. After she sang that last bit she turned to look at the audience, which you had no idea about since you're in this story. Then suddenly she gets off of you and begins to strut towards the other end of the room again.
"Well, baby, don't you panic. By the light of the night it'll all seem alright. I'll get you an enthusiastic manechanic."
As she reaches the back of the room she spins back around and begins to dance in place.
"I'm just a sweet pink pony From Ponelicious, Ponyville.
Break free of the Ropes in an epic fashion! If that fails then fall to the floor and worm your way out of there!
Break the restraints then light up a left over joint, then when pinkie walks in offer her some
Ok first you gather all your manliness within your body and call upon your inner ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG to then make your body shine with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns! Ok maybe it won't work, but at least it fills you with confidence and bravery! Even though you are tied up.
Oh and to Pinkie Pie, please, please, PLEASE! Help out our protagonist here in any way, shape, or form that doesn't involve anything sexual or sharp objects.
Have a seizure trying to break your bonds
You must summon your inner Alex Louise Armstrong and break your binds
then run straight into a wall and through it in order to escape the room
In a attempt to break free, rock the chair back and forth to try and fall, and when you do, the chair does not break as according to plan and now you are tied to a chair and on the ground.
If no answer, try to break out of your bonds.
Okay you've had just about enough of this.
With all of your badass bawller boss manly strength, you summon your inner Alex Louise Armstrong and pull on the bonds as tightly as you can in an attempt to break free from them. Sure, you have no idea if this will work, but you are certainly not staying here for a second longer.
You pull as hard as you can, the bonds that hold you don't seem to be nudging a bit. Over on the other side of the room, the pink pony is still singing without paying any attention to what you are doing.
You scream as you pull tighter on your bonds to pull forth all of your manly strength. Suddenly, you feel the bonds move a little bit.
Then suddenly, out of god damned nowhere, a pony on a motorcycle bursts through the wall.
The sudden shock and surprise causes you to fall back against the table, which makes it fall back and break apart, effectively breaking it and freeing you from your bonds. You;re not entirely sure how that happened, but at the same time, it got you free so you don't really care.
Maybe the Greek gods were helping you after all.
You brush off the confusion of what just happened and look up at the stallion that rode in on the motorcycle. His coat was light yellow in color and had a blonde mane and tail. He was wearing a biker jacket which came complete with a pair of sunglasses and a helmet, the latter two of which he promptly took off and threw to the ground.
"Okay, to hell with this!" You say to yourself as you run like your inner Alex Louis Armstrong demands out of the hole he made in the wall.
You run back out into the town.
"That's it!" You think to yourself. "I've got to get the hell out of this place." You say that, but all you do is right straight through town. You have no idea where to go.
What do you do?
-Meanwhile, back at the Ranch-
Back at the ranch, Applejack questions who this "Nyarlathotep" creature is.
"Uhh... Twilight..." Applejack said to her friend, looking a little more than concerned. Okay, that was putting it lightly, but still she was concerned. "What the buck... is a Nyarlathotep?" Twilight only laughed even more sheepishly than she thought she ever could as her blush grew brighter. Her whole face was as red as the apples on the farm.
"Well uh..." Twilight began. "You see Applejack... he's a..."
-Meanwhile back at the ranch- The cutie mark crusaders informs the mares about the human and how he acted as a ghost and makes a comment on how they aren't real. Twilight: *cough* you're right girls, ghost don't exists Ghost Sombra: ahem. Twilight: especially ones that haunt you after he dies and blames you for ruining his plans. Ghost Sombra:AHEM Twilight: so girls where the human *smiles creepily* Cmc: we don't know Twilight: oh come on now how am I going to find him Ghost sombra: oh by the way I just want to inform you that pinkie haves the human. (I got nothing after this)
Twilight's words were interrupted by the sound of a speeding scooter outside their house.
"Applejack!" Applebloom called out as she, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo rushed past Rainbow Dash through the door and into the house. Concern for her sibling took over and Applejack forgot about what Twilight was trying to tell her.
"What's goin on Applebloom?" she asked.
"Some weird thing just jumped out of our treehouse!" Applebloom said.
"It looked like some kind of weird monkey thing," Sweetie Belle added. "It told us it was a ghost."
"I still say it looked more like a giant weasel," Scootaloo added. At this, Twilight's ears suddenly perked up, and with a speed that even Pinkie Pie would be jealous of, she was suddenly off the couch and right in front of the cutie mark crusaders looking down at them with the creepiest grin possible on her face.
"Did you see where it went!?" Twilight asked with more enthusiasm than she probably meant to.
"Where the ghost went?" Sweetie Belle asked in response.
"I keep telling you it wasn't a ghost," Scootaloo said to her.
"Yeah, well you don't know that," Sweetie Belle returned.
"It wasn't a ghost," Applebloom added. "Ghosts don't exist." She then turned back to Twilight. "Don't they Twilight?" Twilight was silent for a few moments before her brain finally registered what they said.
"Oh what," Twilight said before she coughed into her hoof. "Yeah, you're right girls. Ghosts don't exist."
"*Ahem..." said the Ghost of Sombra who floated right next to Twilight where only she could see him.
"Especially ones that haunt you after they die and blame you for ruining their plans."
"*AHEM..." Sombra said again. Twilight ignored him.
"So girls..." Twilight said as she looked back down at them with her creepy as all tartarus smile. "Did you see where the human went?" The CMCs were silent for a while before Applebloom finally spoke.
"No, not really..." she said, somewhat nervously.
"We think we saw him running back towards town but..." Sweetie Belle added.
"Oh by the way," The ghost of Sombra said to Twilight. "I just wanted to inform you that Pinkie Pie has the human."
"Thank you Sombra!" Twilight shouted.
"WHAT!?" The CMCs all shouted back at her simultaneously.
"Oh uh, I mean. Thank you girls!" Twilight said as she quickly turned and dashed out the door with her Pinkie Pie rivaling speed. There was silence for several moments as the CMC's, Applejack, Big Macintosh, and Rainbow Dash all stared out the door where she went.
Within an instant, she was back again.
"Sorry," she said as she laughed nervously a little bit. "I forgot these," the moment she said those words a magenta aura surrounded her katana and Solid Snake outfit and levitated them right towards her. "Bye!" she said to her friends as she turned around and with the same speed that she had left the first time, bolted away. It was almost like she teleported, only without magic.
All ponies in the house could only stare in a mixture of confusion, bewilderment, and sheer "what is this I don't even."
"AJ," Rainbow Dash said, effectively breaking the silence. "We're gonna have to stop her aren't we?"
"Eeyup," Applejack said in her best impression of her brother.
Bonus Chapter: PONY KOMBAT IV(?) - Pinkie Pie vs Braeburn
"WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" Braeburn shouted as he got off of his motorcycle and spun around 360 degrees before he finally faced Pinkie Pie.
"Whatever happened to Saturday night!!!!!!!!!"
Pinkie Pie let out a squeal of absolute joy as he sang that.
"When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright It don´t seem the same since the cosmic light"
He turned away from her to walk around what turned out to be the main dining area of Sugarcube corner, never once breaking from his song.
"Came into my life and I thought I was divine I used to go for a ride with a chick who´d go And listen to the music on the radio"
Pinkie Pie suddenly ran into his hooves and he embraced her as he reached that part.
"A saxophone was blowing on a rock´n´roll show And you climbed in the back and you really had a good time"
Braeburn picked her up, spun her around, and put her back on the motorcycle as he sang that verse.
"Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that rock´n´roll Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that rock´n´roll Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that rock´n´roll Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that rock´n´roll"
As Braeburn sang the chorus he took Pinkie by the hoof and danced with her. After the first time he went through the words, she joined in and they both sang the rest.
Out of nowhere, Pinkie Pie then reached out of the frame and handed Braeburn a saxophone, which he took and played a sweet melody into. Pinkie danced gleefully as he did. Once it was over, he stopped and looked right at her.
"My head used to swim from the perfume I smelt My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt I´d taste her baby pink lipstick and that´s when I´d melt And she whispered in my ear tonight she really was mine"
Braeburn sang as he walked over back towards Pinkie and gently put a hoof around her. He threw the saxophone away as he walked. He moved his head closer to her's as he sang.
"Get back in front and put some hair oil on Buddy Holly was singing his very last song With your arm around your girl you´d try to sing along You felt pretty good ´cause you´d reallyhad a good time"
Right as their lips were about to touch however, he turned his head away and turned to face the wall. He slowly walked towards it, with his hoof still attached to hers. Then suddenly, right as he sang the last bit of that verse, she pulled him back in and tackled him to the ground.
"Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that rock´n´roll Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that rock´n´roll Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that rock´n´roll Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that rock´n´roll"
The two of them rolled around on the floor of Sugarcube Corner while they sang that. Somehow, they managed to sing the whole thing completely as they did it.
They rolled around for a few moments before Braeburn rolled back up onto his feet and got back on his motorcycle. Which he began to ride around the room.
"Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that rock´n´roll Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that rock´n´roll Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that rock´n´roll Hot Patootie bless my soul I really love that rock´n´roll"
The moment the song concluded, Braeburn stopped his motorcycle in the middle of the floor where Pinkie Pie ran up to him and threw a pose.
There was silence for a few moments, several moments actually, before the two of them looked over at the broken table where the human should have been.
"Ahh... he's gone," Pinkie Pie said, sounding more than disappointed as she slumped down to her haunches.
"Ah, sorry Pinkie Pie," Braeburn said as he stepped off of the motorcycle and took off his coat, which he then promptly folded nicely and placed on the motorcycle's seat.
"But I was absolutely certain that our reenactment of The Rocky Horror Pony Show would put a smile on his face Braeburn. I was 329.7% sure of it."
"Well, Ah don't know what to tell yah," Braeburn said as he sat down next to Pinkie and put a hoof around her. "Ah guess some ponies just don't like that sort of thing."
"Yeah, I guess," Pinkie Pie replied as she looked up at Braeburn. "Oh well," Pinkie Pie said as she bounced up to her feet, all her disappointment seemingly gone. "Fluttershy still hasn't had a turn yet. Maybe the commenters will lead him over to her next."
"Uh, Ah'm sorry," Braeburn said, utterly confused as he stood up with her. "Commenters, and what about Fluttershy?"
"Oh, I've been reading the story as its been being written. I get to see all the new chapters before everypony else does." She let out a little giggle as she said that.
"Uh, what story?"
"The story that we're in right now silly. Speaking of which." She turned to face no particular direction. "Hey Razor. Thank you for letting me have a part in your fanficiton."
"Pinkie Pie who are you talking to?"
He can't see or hear me Pinkie.
"Ahh really," Pinkie Pie said, again disappointed.
All right, I'll make it so he can. Hi Braeburn.
"WHAT IN TARNATION WAS THAT!!!"
Sorry Braeburn, usually its only Pinkie Pie that can hear things beyond the 4th wall, so yeah.
"WHO ARE YOU!?"
"That's Razor silly," Pinkie Pie said as she giggled to herself again. "He writes the story."
"Ah'm not sure how I feel about this,"
Oh it's fine, just pretend like I'm not here.
"But how can Ah now knowin that..."
"Oh don't worry about it," Pinkie Pie said as she threw her hooves around Braeburn. "He's not a bad guy, he's not gonna make us do anything we don't want to."
And if I do, I can always make you want to do it.
"WHAT!!!???"
I'm kidding. I wouldn't do that.
"That doesn't really make me feel safe."
Its okay, once you learn to accept it, you'll just go back to seeing everything as they were before you knew I was here.
"That still doesn't really make me feel all that better."
"Oh don't worry about it Braeburn," Pinkie Pie said as she hung onto him. "I'll teach you how to live with it," she said as she battered her eyes at him. Braeburn smiled nervously at that.
Anyway, I'm gonna close the chapter now so is there anything you two wanna say before I go?
"YES!" Pinkie Pie shouted. "Thank you commenters. You made my chapter a really fun one. I'll throw you all a ginormous super looper party when I see you all again!"
I'm sure they'd love that Pinkie.
"I have absolutely no idea what I should say," Braeburn said.
That's okay, you don't have to say anything.
"Okay..."
"Bye Razor, OH And before I forget. Here's your super duper looper souper huper juper cinnamon roll."
Ah, why thank you Pinkie.
*giggle "Ah don't mention it."
Anyway, goodbye Pinkie, bye Braeburn.
"Bye Razor!!!!" *waves hoof "Bye commenters. Oh and if any of you wanna speak to me again I'm always here."
"Bye..." Braeburn nervously said as he waved her hoof at nothing......
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"Is he gone?"
"Yeah," Pinkie replied as she looked at Braeburn. Braeburn then began to nervously look around the room. Once he was sure they were alone, he let out a sigh of relief.
"So Pinkie..." he began to say. "Since Ah'm here... you wanna..."
"WOULD I EVER!!!" Pinkie suddenly screamed before she grabbed him by the hoof and ran upstairs with him.
So you figure why just you take a walk, you know save some energy, calm down a bit, possibly find a bush to go meditate in. As you are walking you notice that there are no ponies around... ok... you keep walk till somehow you end up in a alleyway somehow. You decide to sit in the alleyway for no good reason. You go to rest your head on a wall but... you fall through the wall. OK its now a illusion wall. You take a look around and notice it looks like a safe house, with your normal supplies such as: Water, Food... climbing gear? There are also some nice beds to that you would fit in. But something else catches your eye.
Stop running and think you need a damn safe house! Besides you can't outrun them forever and you need to sleep! You need to infiltrate a home most specifically heading toward the dark alley way behind you with the idea that walking the pony filled streets will only get you caught. After walking for a bit you find a box only to find the mother load of hiding places a hole leading to the towns sewers.
After reaching a good distance from that place you decide to take a small stop, you look around to make sure nobody is there, after quickly thanking the greek gods your inner soldier kicks in, you grind your teeth and go forward, you walk down your path turning with determination whenever your heart told you it was right, a left, a right, another right, another house NO you didn't stop, you didn't even slow down, you walk right into a corner and as you were a step away you see it! An amazing box with your name on it, as you open it you find a nice looking suit.... well... at least you will look cool in it.
Okay, you've been running for too damn long. As you run back through the streets of the town you notice several dark alleys. You figure ducking into one of them and collecting yourself would be the best idea for now. There don't appear to be that many ponies out today but even still, with your appearance its only a matter of time before someone notices you.
You look around and notice an alleyway with several large boxes stacked up between two of the buildings (they just look like regular buildings, none you recognize). If only you could get over them.
Well if you're trying to escape you're gonna have to at one time perform parkour, ray would be disappointed if you didn't.
JUMP!!!
You skid yourself to a half right as you reach them, then turn and run towards them. You don't stop, you won't stop. Suddenly! Your inner Solid Snake and Alex Louise Armstrong return and you vault over the boxes (turns out they weren't that high) like an Olympic athlete (you really just look like a regular guy who jumped over some boxes, but you feel like an Olympic athlete right now. God you feel badass) and duck behind them.
You press yourself back against the boxes and wait a few moments to see if you're clear. When all you get is silence, you finally relax and slouch down against the boxes. Luckily, the two boxes you jumped over are large enough to hide you as long as you stay seated. You take a moment to catch your breath and thank the Greek Gods for helping you out back there. You seriously didn't think that would work out, not with your luck anyway. After that's done, you start to think about what to do. You can't just run randomly throughout town like this. You need a plan.
Step One: Grab a pony. Step Two: Put him/her on your head. Step Three: Claim you have a hostage and you'll let him/her go if you get a ride as far away from Ponyville as possible. Step Four: LEAVE!!!!
As you run, you find a train getting ready for departure. Seeing the way out of this crazy town, you channel your Inner Flash and run towards the train as it moves, and barely manage to get on as it goes full steam ahead!
"Try and get me now, you fing crazy ponies!"
Okay, that is an idea, but you don't really think you can pull it off. Not cause you're not stronger than these ponies oh no, but because these ponies have shown themselves to be batshit insane. If you try that there's no telling whether one will try and take you down on the stop.
Besides, you're not entirely sure you want to leave this town. If you do you might loose all hope of ever returning home.
Run for the reflecting pool and make the most badass clone army, that even the emperor would be jealous of
You have no idea what the reflecting pool even is (plus it was blocked off by a rock so there's no way you can find it) so that isn't an option. Even if you did know what it was, you're not entirely sure that would be a good idea.
Wait a fucking second.... didn't that pony just drive through that wall with a motorcycle? You get your ass back there and steal that nigga's bike. It may be immoral but its either that or run through the street filled with potential rapists
That is an idea, but you're not going back there, not under any circumstances. Plus, that bike looked a little too small for you.
channel your inner Daryl Dixon you now feel like the greatest redneck ever an survie... you will survie you will not be defeated by pony's you now to the wood were you will be safe.
Summon your inner Aleksandr Pistoletov and do the dongcopter.
Unfortunately, you can only channel two inner fictional characters at any given time, and currently you're channeling both Solid Snake and Alex Louis Armstrong as your inner fictional characters and you can't have a third.
You can however, switch one of those up for either Daryl Dixon or Aleksandr Pistoletov at any point when you're not in active mode (running, working, fighting, anything that requires you to actually do some physical action on your part) and in passive mode instead (when you finally get a moment to relax and not do anything).
Basically what this means is that you can switch out any fictional characters when you're not in combat, running, or in the middle or something.
You suppose you could switch one of them out now, but you're not sure if you really want to just yet. You'll keep that in mind though for later. Plus, you definitely don't want to give up your inner Solid Snake, you still kind of need him at the moment. Especially for when that hind helicopter returns.
Run towards the forest near sweet apple acers...
Or maybe not if all those crazy ponies are there.
That is an idea, Applejack and Big Macintosh might be able to help you out (hopefully), but more than likely Twilight probably already knows you're over there by now, so for now you wanna stay away from that place, at least for the time being.
Run to Lyra and Bon Bon's house. If they aren't there, run to the hospital. Once you find them, have them press charges against Twilight and Applejack for 'Breaking and Entering,' 'Vandalism,' and 'Assault with a Deadly Weapon (Katana).' Even if you aren't protected under Pony law, surely you will be protected as a witness.
Once Twilight is in prison, you have about half a day to start running from Ponyville before Princess Celery bails Twilight out.
You aren't very fast, so you must ride Lyra off into the sunset.
Freedom! Freedom at last! Now is the time to do something you've been putting off for far too long: FIND LYRA AND BON-BON! However, since you have no idea how to navigate this crazy pony town, you stand still for a moment, contemplating which way to go. Suddenly, you hear a surprised voice with a rather thick English accent say "well I'll be." You turn around to see a brown stallion with a picture of an hourglass on his flank wearing a tie. He has a rather mischievous glint in his eyes.
...Uh oh.
You look around. hey... wait a minute... your back where you started. Well, while your here you should at least check it lyra, bon bon, and rarity are alright. Though be careful around rarity... she did save you, but we don't want her to almost rape you like last time.
Since you are back in town, it may be a good idea to seek out Lyra and Bon Bon for help and protection. You may also want to consider recruiting Applejack and Big Mac since you believe they aren't interested in bringing you to Twilight. You don't really have a lot of options at this point.
Suddenly, your mind drifts back to Lyra and Bon Bon, you've been worrying about them this whole time. Though, as that though pops into your head, you suddenly realize something.
You peek back up over the boxes to see where you are real quick. You've seen this area before, you've been through here when Twilight was chasing you the first time. For the first time in a while you actually know where you are.
You decide right there to head back to Lyra and Bon Bon's place, you should know how to get to it from here. You've been meaning to see if they're okay for quite a while now, and plus they might be able to help you. Hell, aside from Applejack and Big Macintosh who put you into forced labor (though with a good reason you might add) they are the really the only ponies that helped you out at all since you got here.
You look over to the left, you don't see any ponies. Then to the right, you don't see any ponies there either. Then you look back to the left just to be safe, still no ponies.
With the coast clear, you jump back over the boxes and begin to make your way through the town again, this time with a destination in mind.
It doesn't take you long at all to make your way back to Lyra and Bon Bon's house. You remembered the way well enough. Plus, you inner Solid Snake helped out with sneaking through town, you weren't spotted by any ponies. Not that you are aware of at least, and best of all, you haven't seen Twilight yet.
You're directly across the street from Lyra's house in the same alley you were before. Shame that box isn't here anymore, you could have used it to sneak over. You check the street and don't see any ponies. With the coast clear, you dash across the street to Lyra's front door.
Once you're there, you throw open the front door (knowing it would be unlocked) and throw yourself inside. Yeah that's kind of rude, but you figure Lyra and Bon Bon would understand, especially since they know what you're going through.
You throw yourself inside, then slam the door behind you and lock it. You don't want any ponies following you in here.
"Lyra, Bon Bon!" You call out, you don't receive an answer. "Lyra!" you call out again as you walk into the house. Silence remains. "Bon Bon..." Still no answer.
You look around most of the house, but don't find them anywhere. You figure they must be out, you're not sure why, but you're sure there's a good reason. Hell, they must have jobs of some kind to live in a house as nice as this. You also notice that most of the damages that were made by Twilight and Applejack have been fixed, miraculously enough.
After your failed attempt to search the house, you remember Lyra's basement (the one you first did the dinosaur in) and head down there. You should be able to hide there at least for a while.
You throw open the door to the basement and head down. You don't notice anything out of the ordinary at first, but eventually, something catches your eye, a loose floorboard that's sticking up a little.
You let your curiosity get the better of you, and you walk over and remove the floorboard from where it is. Underneath, you find something that looks like its wrapped in paper.
Cautiously, you take it out, and unwrap the paper from it.
Ask if anypony has a compass. Acquire compass. GO. THE. BUCK. NORTH.
There's also a note inside, which you unfold and read.
"Dear *insert human's name here
We knew you'd come back here, and I knew you'd find this place. Only something with hands would have been able to move this floorboard as easily as you could. Bon Bon thinks that's not true, but what does she know about humans eh :D. Anyway, we just want to let you know that we are perfectly fine, don't worry about us.
We're actually working on a plan right now to get you out of this mess. I know right. Awesome isn't it.
Anyway, before we can go ahead with this plan we need to get you somewhere safe. Since we likely won't be here when you come back, and since Twilight will probably know by this time that we tried to help you, we need you to move somewhere else. Somewhere safe.
Bon Bon thinks this might be a long shot, but we need you to make your way towards the forest to the southeast. Since you probably don't know which direction southeast is, don't worry, that's why we gave you the compass. Once you get to the forest, don't worry, we'll take it from there. For now, just get there, and try to avoid being seen if you can.
Good Luck Lyra and Bon Bon
P.S. There's more where that came from if you make it. If you know what I mean. :D"
You almost feel your heart swell with joy as you read that. They're okay. They're really okay. Not only that, but they have a plan. A plan to get you out of here. You day just instantly got a whole lot better.
So, to the southeast it is then. You put the compass and the note in your pocket and head back upstairs. You're not about to stay here. You strangely enough have an instinct to go north, but you ignore it for now. If Lyra and Bon Bon have a plan you might as well follow it. You don't have any better ideas at the moment.
Run towards the forest and hope the Greek gods give you a break
Headi in the same general direction you see the least amount of buildings. Gotta get out of the town sometime, right? So, head in whatever direction (NOT north because you have NO BUCKING IDEA where north or any other direction is!) while evading any rapists, hind helicopters, ghosts, basements in which to dinosaur, ponies in general, etc. Eventually find yourself on the edge of a seemingly pony rapis-free forest...
Begin to make your way through the town towards a looming forest in the distance. On your way, pray to the Greek Gods, expose Solid Snake in his cardboard box again and narrowly avoid being kidnapped by Twilight!
Keep running until you find a forest, when finding said forest, go in it and if you come across any ponies that are not Bon Bon or Lyra, GET THE F AWAY FROM THEM!
Run down the street at a speed which would put Sonic the Hedgehog to shame
You run outside of the house into the alleyway on the other side of the street again. Once there, you take out the compass and determine which way southeast is. Once you have it, you quickly pray to the greek gods again for luck, then leave the alleyway and start running again.
You run through the town as quickly as you can. You don't quite put Sonic the Hedgehog to shame, but you do make good time. You also make sure to keep yourself hidden. Your inner Solid Snake is really helping you here, and hardly any ponies see you as you dart between the alleyways and corners at lightning quick speeds.
Oddly enough, you don't see any sight of Snake or the hind helicopter on your way to the edge of town, but you don't give it any mind for now. They're not important, not now anyway. You also don't find any cardboard boxes either, strangely enough.
After about thirty minutes or so of sneaking through town, you're finally find yourself on the path to the forest. Without hesitation you run down the pathway towards it. Nothing is gonna stop you now.
"as you enter the forest, a giant bear appears, and it is NOT happy. You then faint like a true man. You then awake in a room on a couch not tied up with a yellow Pegasus sitting in a chair across from you."
Nothing of course, except a giant bear that leaps out of nowhere and roars at you. Clearly, it is NOT happy.
Whatever happened next, you're not sure, as everything suddenly went black, but you are definitely sure that YOU DID NOT faint. No sir, you are a bawller boss, and bawller bosses do not faint. No, you definitely did not faint.
As you come to though, you find yourself laying on the couch in another house somewhere. Thankfully, you do not appear to be tied up this time. As your eyes begin to clear, you notice a butter yellow pegasus with a long, pink mane sitting in a chair across from you at a coffee table sipping a cup of tea.
Once she sees that you're awake, she looks right at you.
What do you do?
-Meanwhile back at Sugarcube Corner-
The sounds of slurping filled the air in one of the rooms on the second floor of the bakery.
"MMMmmmm.... Oh yeah," Braeburn said, the expression on his face one of absolute bliss.
"*Slurp slurp..." were the only sounds that came from Pinkie Pie.
"Oh yeah Pinkie, you're so good at that."
"*Slurp slurp..."
"Mmm.... Ah.... Oh yeah..." Braeburn said in between moans of pleasure.
"*Slurp slurp..."
"Oh yeah... These are some mighty fine cupcakes Pinkie Pie," Braeburn said as he finished chewing on the cupcake he was eating.
"I know right," Pinkie Pie said as she finished sucking the frosting off of the tops of one of them. Why she was doing that, Braeburn had no idea, but since it was Pinkie Pie was involved, he figured it would be better if he didn't ask questions. "I've been working on this new recipe for the longest time and I finally got it juuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssssstttttttt right." As she finished that sentence she took grabbed another cupcake and began to suck the frosting off the top of it again. "*Slurp slurp... I'm glad you like them," she said with a cheerful smile after she finished with that cupcake.
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"Oh, hi commenters. Since you're here, remember to if you haven't already, be sure to respond to Razor's most recent blog post here and help him..."
Pinkie, why are you advertising my blog posts?
"Are you complaining Razor?"
Well, no, but... I just didn't think you'd do that for me.
"*giggle. Why wouldn't I silly. I like making ponies, and people too now that I think about but really..."
Uhh, Pinkie...
"What, oh right. I like making ponies and people happy, and your videos make people happy, so if I thought that if I help you with your video then you'll be able to make people happy and then I'll make enough people happy to fill the whole world with laughter. And then I'll fill it with cupcakes and banana bread."
You do know what that blog post is about right Pinkie?
"Oh of course you silly Reely? *giggle."
Right.... Anyway, yeah click on the link to my blog post that Pinkie here just provided you with. I need material for a new video I'm planning on making for my dramatic reading channel and yeah, I need your help to come up with it. As far as exactly what I'm looking for, you'll see what it is when you get there. All help is appreciated.
"And all cinnamon is appreciated."
*sigh. I suppose I should be thanking you Pinkie.
"Ah don't worry Razor. Its all in a day's work for me. *giggle,"
Yeah, anyway, check out the blog and I'll see you next chapter, where hopefully the fourth wall will be secured.
"Bye commenters! *waves hoof* Have fun with Fluttershy! Give her some good ones!!!"
"Ah'll right Ah have to ask Pinkie Pie. What is in these DELICIOUS Cupcakes!!!"
"*giggles... Oh Braeburn, you see I..."
SCREEEEEEEAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKHHHHHHHHH
We apologize ladies and gentlemen but the feed into this story has suddenly been cut by an unknown source. We are working on fixing this and should be back online by tomorrow. We apologize for the inconvenience.
Yeah, you did. Thanks again Pinkie Pie, you really helped out a lot here.
"Oh its no worry. You know worry is a funny word but its not something I like to do but I really..."
Yeah, yeah, I get it, but thanks anyway Pinkie Pie.
"*giggles. You're welcome, Razor bazer."
You know, you know surprisingly a lot about the fourth wall you know that.
"Well of course. I mean after all I spend so much time breaking it it's only natural that I know how to fix it too."
Yeah I guess that does make sense.
"And cover it with chocolate."
How in all hell and Tartarus do you cover the fourth wall with chocolate?
"I have my ways."
.... You know what I'm not even gonna ask.
"It's okay. A lot of ponies don't understand these things. I guess that's just what makes me unique."
That, and your seemingly infinite boundless energy and the ability to defy the laws of physics.
"*giggles. Yeah, and those too."
Right... Well I suppose I better get the chapter started. Thanks again for your help Pinkie.
"Oh its no worry, really... *giggle* worry, *giggle* again."
Right, anyway, I'm sure Braeburn's waiting for you. So you...
"Oh right, he is! Bye Razor, oh but before I go, here have a cupcake."
Where did you even...
"I baked them before I came over here."
When did you get the time to... you know what nevermind.
"Bye Razor!" *zips off to nowhere...
Right... anyway, sorry for the inconvenience ladies and gentlemen, but everything has been fixed and things are back to the way they were before (hopefully). Back to our regularly scheduled program.
Before continuing check whether you have diabetes cause I have the feeling we soon will get it.
As you sit back up on the couch you feel the strange need to check to see if you have diabetes. Though you're pretty certain you don't. You didn't have diabetes when you came here and the only thing's you've eaten since you've been here have been Lyra's pistachios, that salad that Rarity made you, and some of Applejack's apples. All of which were very delicious, but yeah you don't think you've gotten diabetes from those.
Also you're not entirely sure how you would go about checking for diabetes anyway, as you lack the proper medical equipment to do so.
Instead you sit back up on the couch and look around the house to get your bearings.
Make sure you still have your compass. Having a sense of direction gives you a source of power. It's a minor one, but still a source of power you lacked before.
Thinking that you may have lost your compass, you check your pockets without drawing to much attention to yourself. Surely enough, its still there. No one's taken it, so you don't have to worry about that.
So, being in a passive situation, you decide to switch your inner Alex Louise Armstrong for your inner Vash the Stampede. Upon doing so you realize just how adorable this Pegasus is. You then proceed to hug her like a teddy bear.
Call up your inner Mr. Popo to and use his dark powers to scare her away.
Exchange your inner Solid snake for Daryl Dixon, he will be more useful at the moment.
Great... another pony who will try to rape you... 1) Swich to your inner vaas, look her in the eye and say: "did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?" 2) Once she gets confused FUCKING RUN!
As you look around the house, you feel the need to switch out on of your inner fictional characters to get a better sense of what is going on. Unfortunately, switching out fictional characters requires multiple votes for the same person. Since switching out characters will change the way you interact with the world, it cannot just be one person's suggestion, multiple people have to agree on not only the same person, but which inner fictional character to switch it out for.
"You can also upvote the comments that say to switch out character's, that's also like agreeing."
PINKIE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN THIS CHAPTER???!!!
"Oh, *giggles sorry," *bounces away
*sigh... ANYWAY.....
You need to assess the situation, so you change your inner Alex to Sherlock Holmes. You can practically hear his English monolouge in your head- we appear to be within the home of another pony, but this is different. All unintentional encounters have involved you being pinned down or restrined, but you have full control of your limbs. The subject at hand appears to be timid; evidented by being half hidden behind her mane, and the way she holds herself, but friendly, as she wears a smile holding no sexuall intentions. She obviously saved you by an act of friendship or compassion, as you have woken up on a couch and not a bed; secondly this shows she either lives alone, or on a small income to not afford a guest bed. She doesnt appear to be strong, physically, so you can't be far away from where you passed out; a hermit perhaps? but she saved you from a bear that you fainted infront of; possible consideration of magic that exists in this world.
Course of action- introduce self and explain current situation.
Step 1: Switch out Louis Armstrong for Sherlock Holmes and analyze the setting. Step 2: be polite. Step 3: be freindly. Step 4: Be sure to have a backup plan in case things get "rough" but otherwise thank her for saving you from the bear Step 5: HUG HER NOW!!!
P.S. THANK YOU RAZOR FINALLY YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!
crazy fit of joy aside... thanks
As you look around the room you decide that the first thing you need to do is assess the situation you're in now. So, to accomplish that, you switch out your inner Alex Louis Armstrong (he didn't really help you much anyway) and replace him with Sherlock Holmes from Sherlock. As you do, you can practically hear his English monologue in your head.
"Okay..." you think to yourself in a slightly more British sounding voice. You're obviously in the home of another pony, that much is obvious, but this is different. All other unintentional encounters with these creatures have involved you either being pinned down, restrained, or both, but now you have full control of your limbs, hell you're sitting up on a couch with all of your clothes and possessions still on you.
You then look at the butter yellow pony in question. At first glance she appears to be very timid, as evidenced by her face being half hidden by her rather long mane as well as the way she holds herself. While she does appear to be friendly, as the smile she has on her face doesn't appear to have any sexual intentions behind it, at least not at the moment.
Its obvious enough that she's the one who saved you after everything blacked out (you most certainly did not faint), more than likely out of an act of compassion or friendship. That comes as a relief to you since the only other ponies who've shown you those things have been Lyra and Bon Bon. Also, since you woke up on a couch and not a bed, you can surmise that she more than likely lives alone, or at the very least has a small income and cannot afford a guest bed. Probably both. She also doesn't appear to be that physically strong, hell Applejack is roughly the same size as her and you can clearly tell she's strong as all hell, but not this pony. From that, you can guess that you're probably not that far from where you most certainly did not faint. Then again, she did save you from that bear, so you can't rule out the possibility that she might be stronger than she looks.
You're also able to surmise that she more than likely doesn't have any ulterior motives or intentions for you like Rarity did. If she did, then the perfect change would have been while you were unconscious, and clearly you're still here with all your possessions still on you. So, more than likely she just saved you out of an act of kindness and brought you back here out of that same act of kindness. She does look like the type of pony who would be that kind.
With all that in mind, you decide your next course of action.
"Hi," you say to the yellow pony, which you also notice is a pegasus like Rainbow Dash. Her long mane hid her wings from view a little bit before, but now that you're sitting up you can see them.
"Umm... umm.... Hi," she responds in what is quite possibly the quietest voice you've ever heard. She's barely even looking at you as she says it.
Well you have nothing better to do so go ask if you can have some tea in the peace with the Pegasus. And hope to god she isn't insane in the membrane. And remember never ask for a staring contest with her.
Ask her for some (manly) tea. And hope to the Greek gods she's like Lyra and Bon Bon
Say with your best mug face "How rude, you could of made me a cup of tea"
ask politely for a cup of tea and pray to Athena that she doesn't want to rape you!!!!!
Also, make sure that their isn't a grue under your seat, they love dark places
Say "ohai" and request a cup of tea. You may be a bawller baus, but after your efforts to preserve your baus status in the face of numerous horny ponies, gigantic forest monsters, and Solid fucking Snake, you're really quite parched.
1. well as long as we are here could you pour me a cup of that earl grey.
2.i came across a certain prismatically proficient pony earlier who said i smelled, and i quote "oh..." could you please define "oh..." if it's not to much to ask.
Ask for some tea. *tea acquired* Tea restores 50 HP and allows the channeling of one additional character for 30 minutes.
1. Awkwardly say hello. 2. Ask for tea and sugar.
You see the cup of tea she's drinking and can't help but feel as if you want some for yourself. Maybe your inner Sherlock is affecting you more than you thought. Not that you are complaining of course. Still, you can't help but realize now just how parched you are from all the running you've been doing. Hell, even bawller bosses still need a break every now and then. You're about to open your mouth to ask for some, but before you can, the yellow pony beats you to the punch.
"Um... would you like some tea?" she asks you. Its only then that you notice that there's another cup on the table, presumably for you. She apparently thought ahead.
"Sure, I'd love some," you respond in the most polite manner you possibly can. You're starting to think that you were very right about this pegasus being timid. So with that in mind, you don't want to upset her.
You get up from the couch and make your way over to the table while silently praying to Athena and the other Greek gods that she's like Lyra and Bon Bon and not like Twilight. You don't let her catch on that you're doing this though.
A pissed off white Bunny slaps you in the face and starts tapping his foot. You feel emasculated because that really hurt, he packs a punch for a Rabbit. Bring your hand up to pimp slap him across the room to gain your cred back but get stopped by Fluttershy who scolds the bunny and apologizes to you profusely.
Right as you are about to sit down though, a white bunny suddenly jumps up right out of nowhere and slaps you across the face. Granted it's a bunny paw so it doesn't hurt at all, but its the principle of the thing that gets to you. You look down and notice on the floor next to the chair you were going to sit in is the white bunny, and he does not look happy.
He looks up at you angrily and starts tapping his foot. It's at this point that you really can't take it anymore. Sentient ponies, you can deal with that, at least they are intelligent and capable of speech, but bunnies, that is just something you ARE NOT gonna take. No sir, not at all.
You bring up your hand to pimp slap the hell out of this little bunny and preferably knock him clean across the room into the wall.
"ANGEL!" The yellow pony suddenly says to the rabbit, catching you off guard somewhat and stopping you. You almost didn't expect that from her. "That is NOT how we treat guests in this house mister!" she says to the little bunny in a scolding tone. "Now go to your room and think about what you've done!" You notice the bunny look up at the yellow pegasus with a similar look to the one he gave you. The two of them look into each others eyes for several seconds in what you can only assume is a battle of wills.
Then, something happens that well, kind of freaks you out. Suddenly, you notice the bunny's eyes glaze over a bit and he gets dizzy. Then he shakes his head free of the confusion, then hops away from the table and towards the other end of the room. You follow him with your eyes for a moment before he disappears up some stairs.
"I'm so sorry!" The yellow pegasus says to you. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm really so sorry..." she goes on like this for a while. Despite the fact that she is apologizing to you profusely, you consider praying to Athena and the other Greek gods again to help you. Seriously, what the hell did she just do to that bunny? You're kind of afraid to ask. "I'm really really really really sorry."
"It's all right," you say as you sit down at the table. She hasn't tried anything with you yet, so you figure your best bet right now is just to play it cool and be polite for as long as you can. Still, in your head you start to form a backup plan to get the hell out of here if the need arises. "It's not your fault." you add as you take a seat.
With that, she stops and just stares at you for a moment before the smile she was wearing before returns and she lets out a sigh. That done, she grabs the teapot with her mouth and pours you a cup of tea.
ok so yellow one who hasn't tied you down yet, thats good be on your toes for you ever know what they might pull(rarity as an example)
Once she's done you politely take a sip of the tea, all the while still keeping on your toes. After all, Rarity was nice before she went nuts with you. Still, from your Sherlock deduction earlier, this one doesn't seem like the type of pony that would do that sort of thing. God, where was this when you were at Rarity's, it would have helped you get out of that jam back then.
The tea kind of tastes like Earl Grey, though not exactly the same, different world and all.
"Do you have any sugar?" you ask her.
"Oh, yes, right here," the yellow pegasus says as she picks up a small dish with her teeth and hands it over to you. You feel like of awkward taking something out of a pony's mouth, but you be polite and take it anyway. You then take a few spoonfuls of sugar and drop them into the tea.
"My name's Fluttershy," she says to you as you stir your tea. You laugh inside your head a bit at that name, seems kind of fitting for her. Still, you don't let that laughter become vocalized. You're being polite after all. You politely introduce yourself after she does.
Ask WTF was that bear thing, and why it didn't eat you. Then relize it must have been the fact that you are so baller boss that there is no way he COULD have eaten you, and berate yourself for not thinking of it earlier. Thank her profusely for not raping you. Remain suspicious that she might, however. It started out well with Rarity too...
Thank her for saving you from the bear.
Say: "Oh hi there! Your a cute one! Would you have any idea why a Bear attacked me?"
"Thanks for saving me from that bear," you say to her after you give her your name. "Do you have any idea why he was trying to eat me?" You only realize after those words leave your mouth how stupid of a question that was. Of course the bear couldn't have eaten you. You are a bawller boss, there's no way that the bear COULD have eaten you. You mentally berate yourself for not thinking of that earlier.
"You mean Harry?" Fluttershy replies. "He wasn't trying to eat you."
"He wasn't?" you reply, somewhat confused. If he wasn't trying to eat you, then why the hell did he roar at you in the first place? On the other hand, you mentally pat yourself on the back for being right about the bear not being able to eat you.
"He was only practicing his roar when you showed up. I'm really sorry if he scared you. Harry's really a nice bear. He told me to tell you sorry for making you faint." You pretend not the hear the last part. You absolutely did not faint.
"Okay..." is all you say in response. You would press the issue further, but something tells you (probably your inner Sherlock) that you're not gonna get a better response, so you just leave it at that.
The two of you sit there in silence for several minutes and drink your tea. You have to admit, its pretty good. You're not usually a tea drinker but yeah, you really like this stuff. Fluttershy doesn't talk to you much. You guess that her name is more than just a clever pun to her.
Suddenly, something important dawns on you, and you look at Fluttershy with concern, Fluttershy sees this and kind of start's to get worried.
You then steel yourself and channel your inner Solid Snake and Alex Louis Armstrong and calmly ask her: "Hello? Um why am I here and by chance are you friends with a purple unicorn by the name of Twilight Sparkle?"
Ask Fluttershy if she knows Twilight, and she will say yes. Now there is a predicament, she did save you from a bear, but like almost every other one of the ponies you have met and almost every friend of twilight has tried to rape you. So don't run away screaming like a little girl, at least not yet, but do not, under any circumstances, EAT ANYTHING OR SLEEP! If she mentions that she wants to rape you, then run away screaming like a little girl.
"By any chance..." you begin to say to her. "Do you know a purple unicorn by the name of Twilight Sparkle?"
"Twilight?" she responds with some confusion in your voice. "Yes, yes I know her, why?"
Say in the most calm and reasonable voice ever....
"DON'T YOU F-bleep-ING DARE RAPE ME!!"
Suddenly, your paranoia sets in. You jump up from the table and back away from her.
"DON'T YOU F***ING DARE RAPE ME!!!" you scream at her.
"Rape you!?" she responds, now with genuine worry.
"Stay back!" you say to her as you back up away from the coffee table, but end up hitting a wall.
"I'm not going to.... I would never.... why would you ever...?" she says to you with what you can tell is genuine confusion. You also see that her face is a red as one of Applejack's apples.
Suddenly another realization takes hold, Rainbow Dash had no idea what Twilight was trying to do to you, neither did Rarity at first. So really, it makes sense that she wouldn't know as well. After all, you did figure out earlier that if she did want to do something to you, she would have done it already while you were unconscious. Besides, it stands to reason that Twilight wouldn't have told ALL of her friends what she was doing.
You slump down against the wall and slide down to your knees. You bury your head in your hands out of pure embarrassment.
"I'm sorry," you say to her. I'm really sorry, its just..." you look up to see that she's not right in front of you, a look of genuine concern is on her face. Seeing that, you sigh and say "Look, its like this..." You then proceed to tell her everything that happened up to this point. What Twilight tried to do to you, how she beat up Lyra and Bon Bon, the incident with Rarity, and even working on Applejack's farm.
"Oh... my..." Fluttershy says to you as she takes that all in.
"So yeah, I'm sorry," you say to her again. "I just..."
"It's okay..." Fluttershy says to you as she walks up and puts a hoof on your hand. "You were scared. So its only natural that you would think like that. Lots of ponies don't act like themselves when they're scared."
At those words, you look right up at Fluttershy right into her large, cyan eyes. You cannot explain it, but suddenly you feel comfortable again, like a humungous weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. It's kind of uplifting really.
So, being in a passive situation, you decide to switch your inner Alex Louise Armstrong for your inner Vash the Stampede. Upon doing so you realize just how adorable this Pegasus is. You then proceed to hug her like a teddy bear.
Hug the adorable butter yellow pegasus in as non-threatening way as you can possibly imagine. Possibly start by saying, "Can I hug you?"
As a matter of fact your favorite color is yellow. I think you feel a sudden urge for a hug from what you have been through. Run up and give that soft yellow pony a BIIIIIIIG hug!
The longer you stare at her, the more it dawns on you just how god damned adorable she is. Sure, the other ponies you've met were adorable in their own ways, but she beats them all by miles in terms of how adorable she is. Upon realizing this, your mind only goes to one conclusion.
"Hey..." you say to her. She just tilts her head slightly and looks at you, interested in what you have to say. "This might sound like an odd question but, can I hug you?" At that, you see Fluttershy's face light up like thermite. Her blush returns and her eyes look at everything but you for a few moments before finally settling on you again. After a few moments, her innocent smile returns to her face, though her blush remains.
You need no further incentive. You practically off of the wall and throw your arms around her as you tackle her to the ground. By god she is adorable.
The two of you lay there on the ground for a few moments with you squeezing her like she's a giant teddy bear. She feels tense at first, but eventually, you feel her hooves wrap around you as well as she hugs you back. You hear her take in a deep breath and let out a soft moan as she does. All you can think of right now is "BY GOD SHE IS SO DAMNED ADORABLE!!!!" as you keep hugging her. You really don't want to let go.
Eventually, you have to take your arms off of her. Even though you could theoretically stay there forever, you still have to meet up with Lyra and Bon Bon.
"You're going?" Fluttershy asks, concerned again for your well being as you head toward the door.
"Yeah," you respond. You didn't tell her where you were going or that you were meeting Lyra and Bon Bon. Since she knows Twilight, it seemed like a good idea to not let her in on that information.
"But... but... but its dark out. Its dangerous to go out after dark," she says to you.
"What are you talking about?" you reply. "Its not..." Its only then that you look out a nearby window and see that it has in fact, gotten dark since you've been here. You must have been out for longer than you thought. "Well I'll be damned." is all you can say to yourself.
"Um.... um... if you want..." Fluttershy begins to say, though she keeps tumbling over her words as she does. "You can stay with me for the night. That is, if its okay with you." she looks down at the floor again as she says that. You think about it for a moment. Granted you've had bad luck with this sort of thing previously, but this pony is different somehow. Against your better judgement, you decide to stay for the night, but first thing in the morning you are out of here.
"All right," you say to her. "But just for the night."
"Great!" Fluttershy suddenly lights up as you say those words. "I'll show you the bedroom."
"Thanks but no thanks," you say to her. Sure, staying here may be against your better judgement, but you're not about to make the same mistake twice. "Sorry, but given my previous experience with sleeping in other pony's beds, I think I'll take the couch."
"But... but..." Fluttershy begins to say again, you just stare at her intently wondering what her excuse is. "If you sleep on the couch, if Twilight comes over. She'll most surely see you." Those words hit you like a ton of bricks. You really can't argue with that logic. Against your better judgement, again, you decide to take her up on that offer.
"All right," you say as you sigh loudly.
"Great!" Fluttershy says as she grabs your arm with both her hooves and pulled you upstairs, herself flying the whole way.
Eventually, you find yourself in Fluttershy's bed. She agreed to take the couch for the night. Your clothes are folded up next to the bed. You contemplated leaving them on for the night, given what happened previously, but they were kind of incredibly dirty from working on the farm with Applejack, and her sheets looked really clean. So out of politeness you lost them.
Eventually, you find yourself drifting off to sleep. If nothing else, Fluttershy's bed is a lot more comfortable than Rarity's.
Eventually, you're not sure when, you open your eyes back up. You think you can see another lump under the covers, but you ignore it for now... then suddenly you feel it move. Your instincts take over and your eyes open wide.
Fluttershy is in the bed with you. You contemplate screaming, but then you notice something. She's fast asleep. She's sleeping on top of you with her hooves around your neck and her head buried in your chest right up against your neck. She's cuddling with you like you're a giant teddy bear. You see her mumble something in her sleep a little as she nuzzles her face into your chest a little before inching a little bit closer to you. Her grip on you tightens a little as you hear her let out another soft moan.
Look around and make sure the doors and windows are closed, after that wait a few minutes to see if she is truly sleeping, if she is, then close your eyes and enjoy the moment.
Despite everything good about this pony (and there are quite a few good things about her that are good) you don't let your guard down even for a moment. Rarity tried to play it nice at first, but then look how that turned out. For now though you don't move. You look around and notice that the doors and windows are indeed closed, but they don't appear to be locked.
Are there any clocks? If so, check the time. Are there any other ponies around? If so, check yourself out of Fluttershy's home.
You don't see any clocks around, so you have no idea what time it is at the moment, though from the look outside, its still probably really late at night. Probably like three in the morning or so.
You don't see any ponies around either, at least none inside the house. You don't see any outside either, so you're still okay. At least for now.
After you check the room, you look back at Fluttershy to see if she is truly sleeping. Surely enough, she is. You can see the rising and falling of her stomach and follow her the rhythm of her breathing, she is asleep. She's asleep, and that's all she appears to be. She hasn't done anything yet.
Enjoy it and revel in the warmth of her coat.
You see no problem here... go back to sleep
Having calmed down and noticing no rape attempts you precede to snuggle up fluttershy and go back to sleep. Also brush your damn teeth they haven't been cleaned in who knows how long last thing you need is to lose your teeth!
Return the gesture! Wrap your arms around her comfortably and enjoy the rest of your sleep together! Crowd goes : Awwwwww....
simple. no problem detected. return favor and go to sleep. Seriously. hug her. and sleep. P.S. that "um...yes" link lol
Remain exactly as you are. She obviously has no intention of forcing herself on you, and if it comes to a discussion she will surely understand why you do not desire intercourse with her at this point in time, as long as you make sure to couch your statement as 'at this point in time'. It's cruel to give her false hope, but right now you need her help. After all, if Twilight busts in, she can probably do to her whatever she did to that bunny, so number one priority is staying on Fluttershy's goodside (relatively easy if you're nice and polite), not having sex with Fluttershy (again, given her timid nature, easy as long as you are firm), and avoiding drawing attention to yourself. Above all, do not do anything that would upset Fluttershy.
Erm... well she isn't raping you... so, this is... good? Actually you're not quite sure what to take of this... For now you decide it's... not bad
Huggle her back. She's not trying to rape you or anything.
This is a golden, once in a lifetime, opportunity, so ignore said moaning, return the hug and go back to sleep. For real, who would pass up the chance to have Fluttershy as a snuggle buddy. look in to the face of cute and tell me i'm wrong
Achievement Unlocked: Flutterhugz 100 Badass Rank
Die from a heart attack because Fluttershy is just too *eff*ing adorable.
Hug her while singing a lullaby and gently stroking her mane.
Just accept it! Sleep hugs are the most d'awwwwwwww filled hugs! If she ain't rapin', no reason to be awake anyway- just go back to sleep! On the off chance that the most timid (and BEST) pony does try to rape you however, go with it- if there's one pony that will treat you right during a raping, it's Fluttershy!
there is no problem with this go back to sleep
Meh, nothing wrong here
We get to cuddle with Fluttershy? I say, we should just enjoy that opportunity.
there is obviously nothing wrong with this. she just couldn't resist cuddling up to such manliness. return hug go back to sleep
Time to satisfy your curiosity and sniff her mane. Hmm, smells like a freshly mown meadow.
"You feel your heart stop due to the cuteness overload, but it returns after a few seconds."
As you watch Fluttershy sleep, you suddenly realize something again........ You try to think of infinitely many things to realize, but all your mind goes to is.
"BY GOD, ODIN, ZEUS, HORUS, SLENDERMAN, AND WHOEVER THIS CELESTIA PERSON EVEN IS SHE IS F***ING ADORABLE!!!!!"
Also, you're pretty sure you died for a moment due to your heart stopping from sheer adorableness before restarting again, but you forget about that as soon as it happens.
You cannot control yourself, you throw your arms around Fluttershy and pull her closer to you. You're snuggling with her as much as she's snuggling with you.
Try and figure out what she's mumbling, and if she starts sounding more... "sensual," snore loudly to make her think she's nearly waking you up, hopefully making her stop.
"Mmm... so good..." you think you hear her mumble as you pull her close, but you don't pay attention. All there is is the adorableness that you are currently cuddling with. She's like a giant teddy bear, then again that's also must be what you're like to her. Also you're not entirely sure, but you think you can see the smile on her face grow larger as you pull her closer.
You lay there cuddling with her for several moments. Time stops for you, there is nothing else, just you, and the adorable.
Eventually, you notice her mane is just about in your face. You let your curiosity get the better of you and lean in closer to sniff it. It smells nice, just like a freshly mown meadow, also cherries. You're not sure how those mix together, but apparently they do.
massage her back between her wings. don't care about those staring animals, or Rainbow dash outside the window. Why does rainbow dash has so shocked look on her face? Wait why is she even here? If she is here then... OH F{Buy some apples}k!!!!
You feel your hands move down and grab the places where her wings meet her back and begin to massage them as you hug her, she lets out another moan as you do. You can feel yourself drifting off back to sleep. There is nothing else for you right now. You don't care about Twilight, or the animals, or what is obviously Rainbow Dash staring at you from the window above you... all this is is...
Wait what...
Instantly, your eyes shoot back open and look straight up. On the other side of the window right above Fluttershy's bed, you see a blue coated face staring back at you. There's only one blue coated pony here that you know of....
Do what every badass does when they wake up with a girl (or mare) they don't remember going to bed with- PANIC
You feel your heart rate begin to go up (which confirms for you that you are in fact alive) as you feel the beginnings of panic begin to set in. You don't really don't know what to do right now. You've got Fluttershy on top of you so there's nowhere to go, and even if there was there.... wait...
You take another look up at the pony in the window that you think is Rainbow Dash. As you look closer, you realize something.
You have absolutely no idea who this pony is, but whoever she is, she seems worried. Incredibly worried. Like really, really, really incredibly worried.
"Get out of there!" You think you can see her mouth to you while making some kind of weird gestures with her hooves. Unfortunately, since she's on the other side of the glass, you can't hear a word she's saying. Also you have no idea what she is gesturing with her hooves, as they lack any digits with which to make signals.
Slam your face into something, anything!!
You don't pay much attention to her and turn your attention back to Fluttershy. As you move you head up to look at her, you slam your face right into her's, accidentally headbutting her. It seemed as if Fluttershy had apparently moved several inches closer to you while you were snuggling. Thankfully you don't hit her to hard.
Your accidental headbutt though, causes Fluttershy to moan again and open her eyes. Great, now you've woken her up. Nice going genius. You don't see it, but the blue unicorn in the window above you is looking absolutely terrified right now. Also she ducks so she can't be seen.
"I'm sorry," you say to her as you watch her wake up. She doesn't respond to you. Once her eyes are open, you can see her face redden and she looks down at the position she's in. She doesn't let go. Instead, she just looks back up at you and smiles for a bit.
By now Fluttershy has had critical exposure to your swag.
She wakes up, notices you still there, and asks, "Um, I'm just wondering if it's okay if I hold you down against your will for a little bit?"
She asked so politely that you consider saying yes, but decide against it. You say, "I'd rather you didn't, Fluttershy."
She says, "Oh... Okay then..."
She snuggles back into your embrace a bit disappointed, but you scratch behind her ear and cheer her up a bit.
You both fall back to sleep until morning.
"Um, I'm just wondering if it's okay if I hold you down against your will for a little bit?" she suddenly asks you. The moment those word's hit your ears, your eyes snap completely open. The adorable induced euphoria is now completely gone.
"F***!" you say in your head. This was what you feared, that she might turn out like Rarity. Then again however, she isn't like her. You also think that her asking you permission for that is kind of strange. You know it might be a bit of a risk, but you decide to try it anyway.
"I'd rather you d-" you begin to say before you're suddenly cut off. You try to say the next word, but find yourself unable to, like someone's taken your ability to talk.
Its then that you realize, you're looking right into her eyes. Her large.... round.... intoxicating.... cyan eyes....
Suddenly, you feel yourself shut down. You try to move your limbs but find yourself unable to. You try to speak, but can't do that either. You can't even blink.
Then suddenly, you feel yourself begin to relax as the euphoria from before begins to set in. Slowly but surely, you're feeling good again. You think that....
All of your thoughts are interrupted when a white cloth encased in a golden glow suddenly falls in front of Fluttershy's face and presses up against her snout. You see her eyes go wide for a moment before they suddenly glaze over and she falls to the side and off of you, apparently having been knocked out.
"See, I told you we should have told him to avoid her!"
Your ability to move suddenly returning, you sit back up like the bed below you suddenly became lava and look right into the eyes of Lyra and Bon Bon. A bottle and white rag floating next to the former with a golden glow.
You feel your heart instantly swell with joy upon seeing them again.
"Lyra! Bon Bon!" You practically scream as you practically jump out of the bed and tackle both of them in a hug. You are so glad to see them right now you can't contain it.
"It's good to see you too," Lyra says to you as she returns the hug, apparently having missed you as well.
"Not that I'm complaining," Bon Bon began to say, "But we probably should get out of here. Right now."
At that moment, the logical part of your brain returns, and you realize that Bon Bon is right. There will be time for hugging later, but for now. You NEED to get out of here right now.
You let go of them both and stand back up, only to realize that you still aren't wearing any clothes again.
"Uh... give me a moment," you say to them as you run over to where you let your clothes (which miraculously are still there) and quickly throw them on. If you're going back outside, you're not going out naked.
"Oh, nice threads," Lyra says to you as she watches you get dressed. You think its kind of weird that she does, but then you remember that these ponies typically don't wear clothes so being naked is probably nothing to them.
"They're Big Macintosh's," you reply. "He lent me them while I was working at Sweet Apple Acres."
"You were working at-" Bon Bon begins to say before you cut her off.
"It's a long story. I'll tell you later," you say right as you finish adjusting the belt and getting them on.
"All right, let's go," Lyra says as she can see that you're done.
watch her sleep do not sleep then angel comes up looking VERY VERY MAD and starts to pummel you you then have a slappy contest waking up flutttershy who uses the stare on you guys
Right as all of you turn to leave however, a certain obstacle blocks your path. The little white bunny (you think his name is Angel) is standing in the doorway to Fluttershy's room, and boy does he looked pissed.
Almost as instantaneously as you see him, he suddenly jumps up and flies right at you with his leg extended. Right before his jump kick can even get close to you however, Lyra holes the rag out in front of him. The bunny slams right into the rag, and then falls like a mosquito. A quick check confirms that he is indeed out cold.
"Did you..." you turn to Lyra, somewhat concerned for the little bunny.
"Relax, its just chloroform," Lyra responds in the most casual tone possible. "I just knocked him out, that's all."
"What are we gonna do with him?" Bon Bon asked as she looked down at the poor little bunny.
"Hmm..." Lyra vocalized as she raised her head in though. Then suddenly, you can practically see the imaginary light bulb go on in her head as she comes up with an idea. She then sets down the chloroform bottle and the rag, then picks up the bunny and walks back over towards the sleeping Fluttershy.
"Did you just tie that bunny up?" You ask Lyra.
"Yep," Lyra responded.
"Using her hair..." Bon Bon adds, her face holding just as much shock as yours.
"Yep," Lyra responds again. You and Bon Bon just look at each other for a moment. You gotta admit, it is a strange idea, but given the circumstances, you don't really think you can argue about them right now.
"All right, lets get going," you say to them.
"Yes, lets," Bon Bon adds as you, her, and Lyra all walk out the door.
Right as you exit Fluttershy's little cottage however, you find another pony waiting for you. Thankfully, its not Twilight Sparkle.
"Oh, thank Celestia!" she says to the three of you. "I thought for sure that he was gone when I saw her wake up." You notice that this is the pony you saw staring at you from the window from earlier. Now that you can see her more clearly, you can clearly tell that she isn't Rainbow Dash.
"Ah don't worry about it," Lyra said to her as she walked forward. "I had it under control."
"Except when you didn't," Bon Bon adds, which causes both you and the blue pony to giggle a little bit at Lyra's embarrassment.
"So, this is the human you were talking about?" The blue pony asks as she looks up at you.
"Yep!" Lyra says excitedly as she walks up next to her. "This is our friend Minuette," Lyra says to you as she puts a hoof around her. "She's here to help us."
"Nice to meet you," Minuette says as she holds out a hoof.
"Nice to meet you too," you reply as you shake her hoof, you're just about to give her your name when Bon Bon interrupts you two.
"There will be time for introductions later," Bon Bon says as she walks past all of you. "Lets just get back to camp. We don't have any idea what else might be out here. Or if anything purple might show up," she says as she looks at you.
"Oh right," Lyra says as she turns around. "Come on, lets go." As she says that, she starts walking forward. Bon Bon follows her as does Minuette. You, with nothing else to do and no better ideas, follow them.
Eventually, after not long at all. The four of you enter the forest they mentioned in the note. Apparently, Fluttershy lived right next to it.
"Careful," Minuette said to you as you entered. "There are monsters in this forest. Best not to wake them." You silently laugh to yourself as you hear that, but then you look around and notice all three of them staring at you.
"Oh," you say. "You weren't joking..." you say with a stupid smile on your face, hoping to god that she was. You don't get an answer. Instead, they all just keep walking through the forest. You follow them.
After several minutes or so of walking, you're staring to think that Minuette was lying to you when she mentioned the monsters, cause you haven't seen a single once since you've entered this forest. If there are any in here, then either you're extremely lucky (which you kind of doubt), or Lyra, Bon Bon and Minuette just knew how to avoid them. You assume the later is more likely to be true.
Regardless, the four of you keep walking. Lyra and Minuette are in front of you, their horns alight with what you are calling "flashlight magic" cause that's just what they are doing, while Bon Bon is a bit behind you, hopefully checking to make sure nothing is following you.
After about a minute or so of walking, the four of you finally find what you are looking for.
"That's right," Lyra replies. "A giant rock." You honestly cannot believe what you are seeing. A giant rock. Its a rock and its giant. You can't help but be fascinated by just how giant and rocky this giant rock is.
"Oh but its not just a giant rock," Minuette says as she shuts down her flashlight magic. "In a moment, all will be revealed." You take her word for it, but in your mind you know its gonna be touch to be that giant rock.
After a moment, Lyra shuts off her flashlight magic as well. The two of them then point their horns at the giant rock. you then see the giant rock glow with a mixture of gold and blue from their horns, and then suddenly, the rock moves several feet to the left. Behind it, is a cave.
"Is that a cave?" you ask.
"You bet its a cave!" Lyra replies excitedly.
"And we're going in there?" you ask.
"Of course," Lyra replies. "We said we had a hiding spot didn't we?" She looks up at you with a huge, yet a the same time incredibly stupid, grin on her face.
"It might not be much," Bon Bon says as she steps up next to you. "But it's our best bet." You really can't argue with her on that one. Really, you have no better ideas of where to go. Plus, this place has a giant rock blocking the entrance, so you can't complain there.
"All right," you say to them. "Lets go inside." You say as the four of you walk into the cave past the giant rock. Once you're on the other side, Lyra and Minuette turn back around and close off the cave with the giant rock behind you, effectively sealing the entrance.
The four of you walk through the cave in silence for a few moments before you see a light at the end. As you reach the light, what you see kind of shocks you.
Inside the cave, you find amounts to a small oasis. There's a rather large pool of water in the middle (large enough for swimming) with a small river branching off of it into another, deeper part of the cave, a couple of trees around the pool, the ground is made up of soft dirt and now rock, and above you, you notice a rather large, skylight like hole above you to let in the light. Kind of like a hole in the mountain.
"Wow..." is all you can say.
"You like it?" Lyra says as she walks up next to you. "It's our secret spot. We come here to hang out every so often and get away from it all." You don't respond, as you can't help but stare in awe at this place. Its kind of amazing that this is even here.
"Ah, she's sleeping," Minuette says in a kind of disappointed manner as she walks on over to the tents, you, Lyra and Bon Bon follow her.
"Berry... hey Berry," Minuette says to the sleeping pony as she nudges her in the face with her snout.
"Mmmm... mmm.... five more minutes," the pony says as she rolls over.
"No Berry, now," Minuette says to her. "Wake up!" She pokes the pony more furiously as she says that.
"All right, all right I'm up," the pony says as she sits up and rubs a hoof over her eyes. Once she stops, you see her look right at you.
"This is the human, Berry," Minuette says to her as she walks up next to her.
"So it is," the pony says as it stands up and walks over towards you. The pony stops a few feet in front of you and looks up at you. You don't move, and Lyra and Bon Bon are still on both sides of you. If they trust this pony, you see no reason why you shouldn't.
"I gotta say," the pony says as she looks you up and down and takes you in. "You are something to look at." She smiles as those words leave her lips. Minuette then walks up to her and puts a hoof around her neck.
"This is my friend Berry Punch," Minuette says to you.
"She's Minuette's marefriend," Lyra then says rather bluntly.
"LYRA!" Minuette practically screams as her face becomes red.
"Oh come on," Lyra replies. "Everypony already knows that you two are dating each other so you..." she stops talking when she notices Bon Bon glaring at her right through you. At that, Lyra just looks away from her and off to the left. Berry Punch just giggles at that.
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Human," Berry Punch says to you as she holds out a hoof like Minuette did earlier.
"Nice to meet you too," you reply as you shake her hoof. "And by the way my name is [insert=name]." As you let go of her hoof, you turn to Lyra. "So how did you guys..."
"Oh, we ran into them after Twilight and Applejack showed up," Lyra responded.
"They told us about your predicament and well, we agreed to help." Minuette responded.
"After they crashed through our wall and made furious love to us in an epic foursome of course," Berry Punch then adds. At that, both Minuette and Bon Bon blush simultaneously instantaneously. You just put on the best poker face you can.
After a minute or so of this, you take a seat right in the middle of all the tents while they walk around and take care of some things. What they are doing you really have no idea. After a while, Berry Punch comes back over to talk to you with Lyra.
"I see what you mean, Lyra," Berry Punch says as she steps closer to you. "I can smell it on him from all the way over there." At that, you are really confused. Rainbow Dash mentioned earlier something about your smell. You've forgotten about it for a while, but now that Berry Punch brought it up, its suddenly at the forefront of your mind again.
"What are you talking about?" you ask her. At that, Lyra just laughs for a moment and rubs the back of her head with her hoof.
"You see..." she begins to say. "Its something I had my suspicions about, but I wasn't able to confirm it until I saw you again..." she begins to trail off.
"Lyra..." you say. You really don't want to be left in the dark on this one.
"Twilight must have cast a heat spell on you," she then says. At that, you're even more confused. Yeah it makes sense somewhat, but it still doesn't explain at lot of things. "You see..." Lyra continues. "We ponies only go into season a couple times a year, and its the only time we can really get pregnant. However, those who can't wait, they can have a 'heat spell' cast on them that will induce the effects of heat even when they're not in season. Since you're not a pony and well, since we don't go into season for another couple of months, Twilight must have cast a heat spell on you so she could well... have sex with you right there."
Suddenly... everything makes sense. THAT'S WHY every mare in this town has been going crazy around you. Rainbow Dash mentioned your smell, so since Twilight must have cast that spell on you, you must have been letting out a scent associated with heat, which is what was driving these ponies to want to have their way with you. You're guessing that Applejack must have been incredibly strong willed to be able to resist it. No wonder all of these ponies wanted to do you, it was because you smelled like a stallion in heat, and they couldn't control themselves around you.
"So..." you say to her as your mind processes all of this. "How long does it..."
"Last?" Lyra interrupts. "Usually a few days, maybe a little longer if its a strong one." That makes sense to you, but then suddenly another realization hits you.
"Wait..." you as you look at Lyra nervously... "If I have a heat spell on me..." you pause for a moment before asking the next question. "Then how come you aren't affected? How come any of you aren't affected?" Now you're getting kind of nervous. After all, you are technically trapped in here with these four mares.
"We are," Lyra responds. You kind of didn't want to hear that. "In fact we're feeling it right now. Its just that since we all.... prefer mares over stallions...." she pauses to blush a little bit as she explains this. "We don't really want to have sex with you per se." She pauses for a moment and starts flailing her hooves around as if she's just said something wrong. "Don't get me wrong. You're attractive and all, for a human I mean... but I just don't..."
"Its all right," you say to her as you stand back up. You don't know why but you pat her on the head as you do. You're actually kind of relieved to hear that. You've had your suspicions about what was driving these ponies insane for a while, but now it all makes sense. You're really glad you met Lyra, one of the few ponies who is not only willing to help you, but is not willing to jump on you as a result of what happened.
"Can you remove it?" you ask her. Its a logical question.
"Unfortunately I can't," Lyra responds. "With heat spells, the only thing we can really do is wait for it to wear off. Since you've been here for a couple of days, I'm guessing that it should be better by morning." That kind of makes you feel better. Then suddenly, another realization hits you.
"Wait," you say. "Were you affected before. I mean when I first met you?"
"Yeah, well... It kind of did," Lyra begins to say. "But since we were kind of well... 'occupied' we really didn't notice until afterwards."
"What do you mean occupied?" you ask her. The moment those words leave your mouth, Bon Bon walks back over to you three. In her mouth are two things. One of them is a bong, the same bong from their house. The other one, is an incredibly large bag of a grass like substance. Lyra just throws you a devious smile as you take that sight in. You don't even notice Minuette walk up as you do.
You are Twilight Sparkle. The personal student of Princess Celestia herself, the element of magic, and if you do say so yourself, a very eligible and pretty young mare.
You open your eyes to find yourself back in the library on the floor. Why you didn't sleep in your bed is beyond you.
You moan aloud for a moment as you groggily stand back up and rub your head with a hoof. You make a mental note to never sleep on the floor again. Its kind of uncomfortable.
As your rub your head however, all the events of the past two days suddenly catches up to you. The human, Sweet Apple Acres, everything. You remember running back here after you left Sweet Apple Acres to get some supplies, but then everything went black the second you got through the door.
You must have fallen asleep the second you got back here.
"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!" You curse yourself for falling asleep at the most important of times. The human is still out there. Every moment you waste is another moment he can uses to get away from you.
You consider for a moment why you need to find him, and the events that led up to summoning him. (The human, that is.)
In your moment of panic you consider for a moment why you need this human. Well of course the reason you need him is obvious, you don't know why anypony would ask.
About a week ago you discovered that Nyarlathotep was coming (which was in absolutely no way at all your fault... nope... not at all.... totally not your fault). After extensive research, you discovered one being in Equestria that might be able to stop him. The centaur.
However, centaurs have long been extinct in Equestria. So, you set out find find out how to get one yourself. Unfortunately, the only way to get a centaur was to achieve coitus with a creature called a "human." After some even more extensive research you found that humans exist in an alternate dimension from Equestria, so with more research and your talents as the element of magic, you located this dimension and summoned a human to Equestria so you could mate with him and produce a centaur. And that is where you are now.
Really, you don't understand how this could have gone so incredibly wrong. Your plan was foolproof.
Step 1.) Summon human to Equestria
Step 2.) Have sex with human to produce a centaur
Step 3.) ???
Step 4.) Profit
THE PLAN WAS FOOLPROOF WHY DID IT NOW WORK!!!!
Are you sure Nyarlathotep is actually a problem? Because, I can think of, like, three different incarnations of him, and only one is evil. (One of them is just kind of a jerk, and the other is an insane teenage girl. Don't ask.)
make sure to make sure you research on Nyarlathotep is correct.
and then devise a plan for the human.
and reset up for the heat spell for when you next see him.
OF COURSE NYARLATHOTEP IS A PROBLEM! HE IS AN OUTER GOD, AND OUTER GODS ARE ALWAYS PROBLEMS!!!! (totally not your fault.... nope....)
AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN MAKE SURE YOU DID YOUR RESEARCH CORRECTLY!? OF COURSE YOU DID YOUR RESEARCH CORRECTLY!!! YOU ARE TWILIGHT FRIGGIN SPARKLE!!! AND YOU ALWAYS DO YOUR RESEARCH CORRECTLY!!!
Do the goddamn summoning spell!
You could perform a summoning spell, but what pray tell would that accomplish? That's how you got into this mess in the first place, and you don't want another human here in Equestria. That would cause even more problems.
Tell Princess Celestia that he is a threat to Equestria, she sends the royal guard after him, and when he is subdued, have your way with him.
NO!!!!!!!! you scream to yourself as that thought enters your brain.
Princess Celestia MUST NOT KNOW what you are doing. You know what she'll say if she finds out, and you..... you...... you just don't think you can deal with it. So under no circumstances whatsoever are you to contact Princess Celestia. You must find this human yourself.
Do what you do best: Use Logic (like Miles Edgeworth in Investigations). Where did the CMC say that the human went?
The CMCs said that the human ran back into town, and that's why you are here. You ran back into town to find him, but first you stopped back at your library to get a few things when you suddenly passed out from lack of sleep upon going through the door. How could you have been so stupid? There is no time for sleep. The time for that will be when there is a human next to you...
You immediately cast a spell meant to alert you to how many of a particular species there are nearby and the general area they're in. You tune it so it specifically targets humans. The spells reading gives you... 2.5?!? All of them are in the everfree forest, but 1.5 are up quite a ways in the air above said forest!! You didn't think humans could even walk on clouds, hell you didn't even think the was more than one here (nor did you think there could be half a human, but you attribute that to either a spell error or a being who only had one human parent). You run out towards the everfree to investigate.
Why not use a tracking spell for a change? Maybe even get Rarity to help you with it to track the guy down! Then Grab a rope and be on your way!
use detect spell to fine your target!
Track him with a spell then perhaps teleport him to you. Why go to the human when you can make the human come to you?
Read a book about tracking.
You consider using a tracking to locate him. Under normal circumstances that would be a good idea. However, you never actually cast the tracking spell on him, so you can't find him that way. You were so sure of your plan to mate with this human that you never actually thought to cast the tracking spell on him in the event that he did decide to run away. It was simply unthinkable. Your plan was perfect, you still don't understand how it could have all gone so wrong.
And read a book about tracking.... READ A BOOK ABOUT TRACKING!!!! YOU LIVE IN A LIBRARY!!!! YOU'VE READ ALL THE BOOKS YOU HAVE ABOUT TRACKING!!!! YOU'VE READ EVERY BOOK ABOUT TRACKING!!! TWICE!!!!!!!
Use a spell to identify alien tissue samples, and follow the alien skin flakes to the human.
OOO..... that is a good idea. You suppose you could cast the tracking spell on those and it would lead you right to the human. However, for that to work you would actually need some alien tissue samples, which you don't have. Good idea while it lasted.
Channel your inner Sherlock Hooves and deduce the current situation.
Go to Lyra and BonBon's place and look for clues, of course. Channel your inner Adrian Monk as you do it.
Alright, since Twilight has obviously gone a bit over the edge here, I believe it's time for her to channel her inner Gollum again, and have a quick argument with herself about whether she should stop trying to rape the Human, and maybe explain to him the situation and recruit him. Of course, crazy Twilight wins, and instead casts aside her Katana for the Sword of Omens (or a reasonable copy), and channeling her inner Liono gains sight beyond sight, locating the human.
Discovering that he's in a room with 4 mares where the only exit is blocked by a immovable boulder, use your scrying site to recast the Heat spell on the human at double..nay, TRIPLE the intensity. Now that his closest allies have turned on him (or are distracted as they turn on each other in another lesbian foursome), teleport in, and do whatever it is crazy mares do.
Unfortunately, you yourself are a fictional character and therefore cannot channel the powers of other fictional characters. Unless you want to channel your inner "Twilight Sparkle," cause you can certainly do that.
Why you felt the need to explain this you have no idea, but it just seemed like you had to.
Also why would you ever check Lyra and Bon Bon's place for clues? Clearly they don't have the human. You saw him run out of their house, you know he's not there.
Masturbate. Fiercely. Like a super intelligent boss.
Give it up, my friend. You cannot win. (Pfft, yeah right. Like she'd actually listen to what I had to say.)
Ask Ghost Sombra what to do.
Get help from good ol' Mr. Sombra
Realize his power level is over 9000 and stop chasing him
"You know his power level is over 9000, so you should really just stop chasing him and masturbate fiercely like a super intelligent boss."
"SHUT UP GHOST OF SOMBRA!!!!!" you yell at the ethereal annoyance that's been following you for the past few hours.
"Hey, you don't have to-"
"YOU KNOW THESE SUGGESTIONS YOU'VE BEEN GIVING ME HAVE BEEN NO HELP AT ALL!!!! I CAN'T USE A TRACKING SPELL ON HIM AND I CERTAINLY CAN'T CONTACT PRINCESS CELESTIA SO WHY DON'T..."
T1:Okay Twilight, first calm down.
T2:But i'm calm. aren't i?
T1:No no no. you have to calm down and think.
T2:I'm thinking.
T1:Not hard enough. Use that magic you're so proud of.
T2:But what spell?
T1: Use that h...
Applejack: Twilight who are you talking to?
Twilight: No one. (T1:She must not know)
"Okay, Twilight, first calm down," says another you that appeared out of nowhere.
"BUT I AM CALM AREN'T I?" you reply to it.
"No, no, no," the other Twilight replies. "You have to calm down and think."
"I'M THINKING!!!!!"
"Not hard enough. Use that magic you're so proud of."
"BUT WHAT SPELL?"
"Well its obvious isn't it? Use that h...."
"Twilight, who are you talking to?" Spike suddenly asks you from atop the stairs.
"NO ONE!!!" You reply to him. He doesn't suspect a thing.
"He must not know," the ghost of Sombra says to you.
"Okay....." Spike says to you again. Clearly he does not suspect a thing. "You know Twilight... you really should..." he begins to say before you interrupt him.
"Yes Spike," you say to him before you teleport up to the top of the stairs right in front of him and put on your sweetest smile. "What would you like to talk about?"
For whatever reason, he backs away a bit and falls on his rump. The way he looks up at you is one that you can't quite place. You still keep on your sweetest smile for him though, so you can't possibly fathom what's wrong.
Hello, this is your conscience speaking......you know, that little voice in your head that tries to tell you something when you need to hear it, but you block me out and you mess up.....like NOW?!.............anyways
Did you, at ANY time, even THOUGHT to think of explaining it to the human what disaster is coming? You figure that if you explained to him WHAT you needed him for (and not in the sense of "hi, I summoned you, letz mak babyz" but "hello, I am twilight sparkle and *insert something hour long speech here*) instead of going to rape him, he'd be willing then? Obviously if anypony else was in the human's point of view, they'd get scared and run away too. you got to remember to not force yourself on others, lest it come back to bite you in the butt........but unless you're seriously considering this, you're probably too far gone, so if you will listen to something, listen to this:
What do you think is going to happen when he finds somepony who CAN help him, when he explains what you tried to do, but then you come in just has he's finished explaining and then no one believes you because they believe the human more?
You'll consider all of that after you find the human, mate with him and make the centaur, but for now, what to do about Spike here? He seems awfully worried, and for the life of you you can't understand why.
Send the ghost of Sombra to the human world to locate a human who is attracted to ponies (seriously, those OP's from /mlp/ have to be good for something, right?) and summon them to have sex with you. Once coitus is complete, use that human's species code to banish all humans from equestria to their world of origin, making sure to exclude yourself from the spell's radius so that the centaur baby is unaffected.
Alternatively, send the Ghost of Sombra to locate the human, then go to his location. Rather than trying to force yourself on him, ask him why he doesn't want to have sex with you. (After all, you are incredibly sexy and desirable and him not wanting to rut you crazy - especially under the influence of magic - is unimaginable.) When he gives you his reason, attempt to fix the problem utilizing magic.
Ghost Sombra is a figment of your imagination and cannot interact with anypony or anything other than you... unfortunately. What would sending him to the human world accomplish anyway? Besides, don't you think that if you could have gotten rid of him you would have already.
"You know, I can go to the human world Twilight."
"Shut up Ghost of Sombra," you say to him in a way that Spike in no way at all notices.
And again, you will consider all of that once you know you have your centaur.
Rape solid snake while in your snake costume to make the ultimate centaur baby. Solid Centaur
Who is Solid Snake?
What if your heat spell wares off before you find the human?
Oh, that's easy. You'll just cast it again. You've committed it to memory after this whole incident (WHICH IS IN NO WAY AT ALL ABSOLUTELY NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM YOUR FAULT) started.
STOP YELLING AT YOURSELF INSIDE YOUR BRAIN, IT WILL GIVE YOU A HEADACHE!!!
"I WILL ONCE I FIND THAT HUMAN AND MAKE A CENTAUR!!!!" You scream up at the ceiling. After you do you look back down at Spike, who has backed a few feet away from you. You've been so caught up in all of your thoughts that you almost forgot he was there. You'd better see what's wrong with him.
Do the simple thing: Ask in the sweetest and calmest voice "why are you looking at me like that, Spike?"
"Spike..." you say in your sweetest and most calm voice possible as you walk closer towards him. "Why are you looking at me like that, Spike?" He doesn't answer.
You check yourself in a mirror to see whats wrong. Nope, nothing wrong at all. You then ask Spike "Whats wrong huh?" For some reason this further disturbs him. He backs off against a wall. Approach him calmly and ask him again.
Thinking that something might be wrong with you, you look at yourself in a nearby mirror, which you forgot you left there are throwing yourself into your studies for the past week.
...
...
...
Nope, absolutely nothing is wrong with you at all. Nope... Nope... not a Celestia damn thing. You're still wearing your black jumpsuit, eye patch, bandanna and katana (you've taken to calling it your Raiden outfit. Not sure why), which you quickly put back on while you were running back to the library, but that's not wrong at all. Nothing at all looks wrong with you. With that in mind you turn back to Spike.
"What's wrong huh?" you ask him. He still doesn't answer, and seeming even further disturbed, he's backed himself against the wall. Concerned for you little brother, you walk closer towards him, which only tries to make him back further into the wall even further than he already has.
as sombre:
*poke*
*poke*
*poke*
i got a secret:
im twilightlicious
also isn't that lyra obsessed with humans? why not go to her house and find a way to track her, she must run into him again
"Hey Twiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilight.... Hey Twiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilight..." Ghost Sombra says to you as he keeps poking you. You have no idea how, but somehow he is. "Guess what Twilight." You do your best to ignore him. "I've got a seeeeeeeeeeeeeeecret...." Again, ignoring him... he is in no way, shape, or form, there at all. "I'm Twilightlicious."
"Shut up Ghost of Sombra," you say to him.
"Also wasn't Lyra obsessed with humans?" he says to you.
"SHUT UP GHOST OF SOMBRA!" you say to him before you turn your attention back to Spike, who looks even more worried now. Can't he see him?
In addition to the strange look Spike is giving, he also appears to be shaking slightly. He must be cold! You decide to wrap him in a hug.
Your warm, soft, fuzzy fur apparently does a good job heating him up, because he started sweating and blushing. It's not surprising, you have the warmest, softest, fuzziest fur of all the mares in Ponyville. It's a shame that you don't get to hug ponies very often. Really anypony should be thrilled to feel your soft, velvety coat against theirs. Embracing, nuzzling... kissing...
WHY WON'T THE STALLIONS EVER LOOK AT YOU?! You're smart, dedicated, funny, pretty... Yes. Yes, you are pretty. You're a very pretty mare and any colt that doesn't see that is blind. Seriously, feel how warm and soft and fuzzy you are!
"Spike, you think I'm pretty, don't you?"
As you were thinking, you had unknowingly been nuzzing the top of Spike's head, stroking the spines along his back, and sniffling a little bit. Your recent mental health and the overly affectionate hug made Spike scared, but when you asked him if he thought you were pretty, he shat himself in fear.
He literally shat right there at the top of the stairs in the public library. It was horrible.
"Uh... Twilight... are you..." Its at that point that you notice that Spike is shaking.... a lot.
'Ah, poor dragon must be cold,' you think to yourself. You just can't stand to see your poor little brother stand there and be all cold like that, so you do the one thing that you know will make him absolutely feel all better.
You throw your hooves around him and wrap him up in a big hug.
Your warm, soft, fuzzy coat must be doing a good job of heating him up, because now he's starting to sweat and blush a little. This isn't much of a surprise to you at all. After all, you have the warmest, softest, fuzziest coat of all the mares in Ponyville. Really, its a shame you don't get to hug ponies more often, as everypony would be thrilled to feel your soft, velvety coat against theirs. Embracing.... nuzzling... kissing...
WHY WON'T THE STALLIONS EVER LOOK AT YOU!? You're smart, dedicated, funny, pretty...... Yes, yes you are very pretty. You are a very pretty mare and any stallion that doesn't see that must obviously be blind. Seriously, feel how warm and soft and fuzzy you are.
"Spike," you say to your lovely dragon assistant little brother as you hug him, "you think I'm pretty don't you?" He doesn't give you a response. "Spike," you say again... "You think I'm pretty, do-..." you interrupt yourself as you look down at the little dragon in your hooves.
Turns out as you were thinking, you unknowingly had been nuzzling the top of his head, stroking the spines along his back, and even sniffing him a little bit. That's not what has you worried at the moment though.
You notice that Spikes eyes are shot open and his pupils have shrunk so small they might as well not be there. He's not even blinking.
"Spike..." you say in a somewhat concerned tone as you pull your hooves off of him. He just stands completely still where he is. Unmoving, unblinking, not even breathing it seems. He's like a statue. "Spike..." you say again as you wave your hoof in front of him. He gives no response.
Its then the realization dawns on you. You have no idea what you did, but apparently you've shocked him into unconsciousness. You've got to bring him out of it. You just have to.
Think: I'm a human where would I run to for help/hide
Suddenly you remember that that human is still out there. You have to find him, and every second you waste here is another second he can use to get away from you. You've got to go RIGHT NOW!!!
But then you look back at Spike... he's still a statue. You've got to help him.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH...." you say to yourself as you press both your hooves to your head. You have to help unshock Spike, he's your favorite dragon assistant little brother after all. But you also have to find the human, and you have to go right now.
Twilight's sane Mind: -deep breath in- -Deep breath out- Ok, what would Cadence do at a time like this. *Imagines Cadence in flashback sequence: 'Remember Twilight, there are precious few things as valuable as love. Love of a friend, family, or special somepony. You should be aware of how you effect them, and remember that no matter what you do, there will always be time to be there for them. Of course, it works the other way too, no matter how bad things get, they will have time for you too. You'd be surprised how much you can rely on them, provided you keep a cool head and explain the trouble you're in.'* End flashback.
Sane Twilight: Ok, got to calm down...and get out of this outfit. Seriously, after all of the effort, it just isn't helping.
INsane Twilight: NEED TO FIND THE HUMAN!!
Sane Twilight: (Rolls eyes and mentally decks INsane Twilight) I've lost enough ground and time panicking, yes I can't tell Celestia, but I've got bucking FRIENDS damn it! I've been researching the magic of friendship for well over 2 years now!! I can rely on them! Provided I don't come off as having another episode, which ghost Sombra sure seems like an indicator of.
Ghost Sombra: Well, glad you finally got that right, at least.
Sane Twilight: :sigh: Guess the stress CAUSING him to show isn't gone yet. Still, I can manage this better. First things first.
Sane Twilight: (Sends all her cloths back to her closet, sword back to bed room and holds Spike softly, eyes clear and sadness reflected as she gently rocks Spike.)
Sane Twilight: I'm so, SO sorry Spike!! I'm having a really bad couple of days, and I really should have snapped out of it a while back. I shouldn't have taken it out on you and everypony. Please, please trust me that I would never hurt you or do anything that would endanger you on purpose. I need you, need my number one assistant, more than ever now.
Spike: :slowly unfreezing and getting his bearings: Tw-Twilight? Was, was all that just a dream?
Sane Twilight: :Gently nuzzling him: No, sadly no, Spike. But, I'm getting better, still not 100%, but that just means I need you to keep me grounded even more. Listen, an Outer God, a being of great power and madness called Nyarlathotep is coming. According to my research, the only way to stop him, is with a centaur. To that end, I summoned a human from another world, in hopes that it would help me create one. I need to find this human, if there's to be any chance to save Equestria.
Spike: O-Ok Twilight, just one thing though...couldn't you just summon a Centaur from another world like you could the human? I mean, humans are just pony-tales, at least Centaurs DID exist at some point. There's got to be another world where they exist right?
Sane Twilight: ...I love you Spike, you know that right? Seriously, Best. Assistant. Ever. :Gently kisses the top of his head and breaths deep and releases controlled and calm. Smiling at Spike: Now that I have a decent idea, mind grabbing the tomes on Centaur magical signatures, and some documentation on them? I think I need to set up another summoning spell. With luck, I'll have this done soon and we can send the human I brought back home...:Says quietly to herself:...After I apologies up and down to everypony AND him. At least the princess doesn't know about this.
Back in Canterlot
Celestia: So, been a while, Black Pharaoh, how are things in Egypt these days?
Nyarlathotep: Not too bad, humans are such lovely little beings. They cause chaos just by getting breakfast! And that's not even getting into the depths of their depravity and insanity! Why my masters would end such a lovely species when they are so entertaining is beyond me.
Celestia: I know! Discord thinks having Chaos ALL THE TIME would be fun, but then Chaos becomes the new Order, and it stops being fun anymore! 'Everything in moderation', I said, 'You'll get bored and loose your touch', I said. But NOOOOO, the little foal just wouldn't listen to reason! Still, at least now little Twilight acts as my new Chaos generator! Element of Magic, she may be. But if anypony was going to contact you or your lords it would be her! Seriously though, what did she think an old one would talk about after reading that book? I HAVE to know!
Nyarlathotep: :Grins widely: Oh you'll love this, she asked about...the MEANING of LIFE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :Gasps before righting himself: As if such a pedestrian concept isn't an oxy-moron unto itself? Meaning in LIFE of all things?!?!? Something that spawns from and embodies chaos having routes in order? PLEASE! :throws hands in waving gesture:
Celestia: :Nods with wistful smile: She's so young yet, not even gotten her wings or true stamina, let alone had her first evil transformation. My first empire was so long ago now, best decision I ever made, despite the assassinations getting old fast, then Luna was born. Had to take care of her since mother's never been one for family. Dear Luna only just got over her conquirer stage, and will likely be in shock for another century or two before she finally gets it. I do hope you'll be around then! She'll make such a lovely contemporary when her true talent starts shining through.
Nyarlathotep: Of course, why do you think I like coming to this little world so much? When one of these ponies finally breaks, they become things of unsurpassed beauty! The rarity of such an event only makes it better somehow! I get my bulk-insanity orders with humans, dime a dozen, despite the fun! Still, what about the human she brought? Think he'll finally go native and tap some of your subjects?
Celestia: :Puts a hoof to her chin thinking: I know my ponies are open-minded enough for inter-species relations, so long as the parts involved stimulate well enough and the exchange isn't lethal. Still, if I recall humans have stigmas to that sort of thing, being the only known sentient lifeforms of their world. So...60/40 I guess, with odds against due to Twilight's usual over-enthusiasm getting the better of her.
Nyarlathotep: You're on, I say he breaks down and does one of them before he leaves, no rape involved. Say...2 chocolate cakes?
Celestia: Make it five and you've got a deal.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You scream out at the top of your lungs as the entire scenario plays through your head. Surely Nyarlathotep can’t be meeting with Princess Celestia. He just can’t. THAT’S NOT TRUE! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!
Telling celestia would be stupid... so would telling luna... What to do, what to do. . . . Of cource!! You need to ask Cadense about that love spell she is so proud of. Then when you find that human. HE. WILL. LOVE YOU. {Insert evil laugh and convenient thunder here} Where did that thunder come? No matter. First you need to free spike, but how? Maybe if... "Spike, wake up. there is Rarity with big pile of gems outside of the library waiting for you!" I Hope this works.
Still, that insane little vision of yours gave you a good though. Obviously since asking Princess Celestia or Luna for help is a bad idea. There is always Cadence....
And she has that love spell that she’s always so proud of. All you’ll need to do is get her to explain to your how it works and the human will be yours.... YOURS!!!!!!
Thunder crackles behind you as you throw your forehooves out and laugh manically at this oh so perfect plan.
‘Wait, where did that thunder come from?’ you wonder to yourself as you let your forehooves fall back to the ground.
As you think it through though, you realize that that plan probably doesn’t sound like a good idea. Any message you send to Cadence will likely be relayed back to Celestia and Luna anyway, or worse... your brother. Yeah, as bad as Celestia and Luna finding out about this is, it would be even worse if Shining Armor found out. Plus, even if you wanted to, you still need Spike to send those messages for you, and he’s still in shock.
'THAT’S RIGHT SPIKE’S STILL IN SHOCK!!!' You scream at yourself in your thoughts as you remember that oh so obvious and important detail that you’ve almost forgotten about.
Thinking the solution through like the smart mare you are. Sure the human is important, but spike's like your baby brother! You don't just leave him and say "I'm going to mate with some human i've never met before."
Suddenly your maternal instincts kick in. The human can wait, at least for another minute. You’ve got to help Spike. After all, he’s your little brother, best dragon assistant forever right? You can’t just leave him here.
But, how are you gonna get him out of shock?
Is there no spell that can wake him up? If so, use it. If not, maybe a bucket of water thrown at his head will help. As for the human, perhaps he retreated from Ponyville completely? You're pretty sure he is unaware of the dangers in the Everfree. In fact, he could be in danger right now!. Since its the closest forest and near to Fluttershy's, you could look there first. Before you search the Everfree, you could ask Fluttershy if she knew where the human went.
Use a spell to heal Spike, see a cardboard box that wasn't there a minute ago, lift up the box, and instantly lick whatever is inside it.
Do the cleverly named "un-unconscious" spell. Splash a bucket of water on his face. If all else fails, an uppercut to the jaw never hurt! (Haha, see what I did there?) On an unrelated note, happy St. Patrick's Day!
There is a spell that can wake up ponies from shock, but you’re not about to use it, especially not on Spike. The last time you used that spell well... things didn’t go as intended, lets just leave it at that. Good thing Pinkie Pie was there or you would have driven yourself mad trying to wake Rarity up.
Out of the corner of your eye you think you notice a strange box, but you ignore it for now. You’ve got bigger problems to worry about.
Find a(n) ruby/sapphire/diamond/quartz crystal/emerald and offer it to Spike. I don't know if it'll help him, but maybe he'll eventually eat it. Maybe find him some water while you're at it.
Thinking quickly, you run back down to your kitchen and grab the emergency sapphire that you’ve hidden there a moment like this ever arose.
What, it never hurts to be prepared.
“Look, Spike... Look!” you say to him as you levitate the sapphire in front of his face. “Look what I have for you.” He doesn’t respond. “Its a delicious sapphire. You know how much you love sapphires right!?” He still doesn’t respond. He’s not even blinking. “Don’t you wanna eat it? Don’t you wanna bite into it, swallow it and feel it go down your throat like-” BY CELESTIA’S SAKE THE THING IS THE SIZE OF A GRAPEFRUIT WHY ISN’T HE GOING FOR IT!!!!
You could always get Rarity to kiss him. Too bad she still isn't speaking to you after you tried to kill each other and all.
go find rarity ask her to check up on spike then go and find the human
You look out the door and say "Hey how did Rarity get all that chocolate and whip cream all over herself?"
Spike Breaks out of his trance and rushes to the door excitedly "WHERE?!!!"
Laugh at Gullible Spike then get down to the business of finding that damn human as you rush out the door.
get a bucket of cold water and splash it in his face, that ALWAYS WORKS! and if that doesn't, have rarity give him a smooch on the cheek
Looking at the gemstone you’re dangling in front of Spike’s face for whatever reason reminds you of Rarity. Maybe you could get her to......
No, you’re not gonna do that.
While that would be a good idea and you know she certainly wouldn’t object to it, you don’t really think that she wants to talk to you right now. Especially after what happened last night.
Still, that does give you an idea though. You turn around and walk away from Spike (who still isn’t even blinking) and drop the gemstone on a nearby desk. You’ll still give it to him, the little guy deserves that much as an apology after all, but first you gotta wake him up. You then walk over to the stairs and look down them.
“Wow!” you say. “When did Rarity get in here, and how did she get all that chocolate and whipped cream all over herself?” you look back at Spike with an excited smile on your face. The little guy loves Rarity to death, you know that there is no way that this possibly cannot-
He’s still not moving.
“Dance magic dance...” the Ghost of Sombra sings to himself as he floats around you.
“Shut up Sombra,” you say to him as your smile quickly fades from your face. Okay, this is bad. If Rarity covered in chocolate and whipped cream couldn’t get him up, then he must really be in deep. You’ve got to try harder.
You need to take care of Spike. You also need to find the human. While you certainly have enough magic to handle all this, the human seems adept at getting help from other ponies that you seem to be lacking. You need extra help to handle this. You remember the mirror pool, and how Pinkie's clones followed a prime directive she gave them, to have fun. What if you made clones of yourself who's prime directive was to capture the human for you?
Find a spell to temporarily clone yourself so that you can hunt down the human and help Spike at the same time. Then tell the Twilight who is looking for the human to cast a spell that will make the other ponies in Ponyville want to help you search for the human.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CLONE YOURSELF!!! You’re not sure if you can trust a clone of yourself with something as important as either task, and you certainly aren’t gonna use the mirror pool. All of the Pinkie clones she created were insane, and while you’re sure that you could make an army of clones whose prime directive is to find the human, you’re not entirely sure what they would do once they find him. After all, you only want to mate with him you don’t want to hurt him.
Then there’s the problem of getting rid of all the clones after this is over, and YOU DO NOT want to go through that again.
“GAH!!!” you scream to yourself. You’re getting off track. Spike first, then the human.
Slap Spike in the face. That always works.
Punch spike in the face, that should shock him back to consciousness. Then burn the forest down.
YOU ARE NOT going to hit Spike. Not under any circumstances. You couldn’t do that to him, not even if you wanted to.
Action: Splash water on to Spike's face. That should wake him up! When he wakes up, make him help you find the guy. How to convince spike to help? Say: "He tried to steal Rarity away from you!"
Smelling salts should do the trick! Or a bucket of cold water.
Oh look! A conviently placed bucket of water! (Insert trollface here). Lets pour it on him! That will un-paralyze him. Totally. Yah.
Okay, here's what you do: Step 1: Remove Raiden suit, and hide it. That will not help your case when Spike wakes up. Step 2: Get a bucket of water. Step 3: Poor it on Spike in order to get him back on his feet. Step 4: Apologize for poring water on him. Step 5: Say in the most calm way that you're on a mission, and for Spike's safety, he probably shouldn't know. Step 6: Once he leaves, get your outfit. Step 7: Find human.
You find a filled bucket of water nearby and decide to use it to wake up poor spike, but unfortunately in you panicked state you forgot that there was a brick in there when you were trying to make water bricks with a new spell, and while you wake up spike with the water, you then knock him back out with the brick.
Okay, that’s enough of this. You’re not about to let this go on any longer. You didn’t wanna have to do this, but if Rarity covered in chocolate isn’t waking him up then you have no choice really.
You run back downstairs, grab an empty bucket, and run to the sink to fill it with water. You don’t take your Raiden outfit off though, you have no idea why the thought would occur to you to do that. Once the bucket is full, you quickly run back upstairs, careful not to spill any water on the steps. Once you reach the top, you stand right in front of Spike.
“I’m so sorry Spike,” you say to him before you levitate the bucket of water above his head and turn it over, dumping the water on him.
“*Cough *cough...” Spike coughs to himself a little as the water rushes over him, but you ignore that. He’s unshocked.
“SPIKE!” you practically scream as you throw your hooves out to give him a hug, but then quickly stop yourself.
“Twilight...” Spike asks you as he looks up at you with a weird look on his face. “Why did you-”
Suddenly, you remember that the human is still out there. Spike’s fine now, so you can focus on priority 1 again.
“I’ll explain later,” you quickly say to him before you run back down the stairs.
“Twilight wa-!” you hear Spike call out to you, but you pay no heed to it, as within less than a moment you are out the door and back into the streets of Ponyville.
That’s it. No more distractions. You are going to find this human and you are going to find him now.
It only occurs to you just now as you’re running that you have no idea where to start looking.
What do you do?
-Meanwhile, back at the Library-
Applejack and Rainbow Dash comes in. "Twilight we need to talk." you ignore them and use this chance to have those two watch Spike while you go look for the human.
Less than a nanosecond after Twilight left the library, Applejack and Rainbow Dash burst through the door.
“Twilight, we need ta-!” Applejack shouts, but stops when she sees that the library is completely empty. Save for a soaking wet Spike, whose just staring down at them from atop the stairs.
“Hey Applejack, Hey Rainbow Dash,” he says to the both of them with obvious frustration in his voice.
Concerned, Applejack and Rainbow Dash walk up the stairs towards him. He just backs away from the edge of the stairs and lets them approach. After a moment, the two stand in front of him.
Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash just stand there for a moment to take Spike in with incredibly confused looks on their faces. Spike just stands there and lets them. From head to toe, Spike is dripping wet, the water that falls off of him gets soaked into the wooden floor of the library.
“Spike,” Applejack eventually says. “We need to stop Twilight.”
“You’re just now telling me this?” Spike responds, the frustration in his voice still present.
Use your inner Twilight instincts and look for scents, footprints, and poop.
Oh that is what you intend to do, but as of this moment you have no idea where to start looking.
Um... go North?
You're fairly certain that you've been running north since you left the library. Or it not, you can turn around and run north instead. So that is what you decide to do. You turn in a random direction assuming its north and keep running.
Steal applejacks dog, then use said dog to track down the humans scent from the clothes left at raritys place
That would be a good idea if you wanted to interact with either of those ponies, but you're pretty sure that they both want to stop you right now (especially Rarity) so going to see them again is not an option.
Recalibrate the apertures on the nine and a quarter catadioptric telescopes.
You already did that days ago. Its how you.... THIS ISN'T AT ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!
Make sure you take your hi-fi blade and make sure your Raiden outfit is flawless. You're probably going to need them in the future.
What in Celestia's name is a hi-fi blade? This is just a regular sword that you got from your brother after that recent adventure in the crystal empire (it's an incredibly long story). Still, it is a good sword, you have no reason to doubt it. Plus, your Raiden outfit is flawless. Why wouldn't it be flawless.... of course it's all right. WHY WOULDN'T IT BE-
As those thoughts run through your head you look up at the sun and see that instead of running north you've been going south.
"GAHH!!!!!" You scream aloud to yourself as you turn yourself around and start running north.
hmmm... a deception spell might make him see you as a human then you could get him to do you!! just a little deception spell and he will be putty in your hooves! or you could brain wash him
OOOOOOOOO..... That's a good idea. Of course, you have to find the human first. You're not entirely sure if you can brainwash him, though. Hell, you don't even know how to brainwash ponies, let alone a species you've never seen.
Eventually you find yourself back in town square. How that happened you have absolutely no idea, you've been so lost in your thoughts that you.
Above you a cloud explodes, pay no mind to it....
You skid to a halt and begin to look around for where to frantically run next. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you notice a cloud explode above your head. You try not to pay attention to it but......
What is that buzzing sound you hear? You don't know but it sounds like it's getting closer.
Suddenly, you see something that completely leaves you at a loss of words.
You can see what appears to be a metal contraption hovering through town and what looks like to be a couple humans and Discord of all things to be in it.
After picking your jaw off the floor, you decide to follow it as you currently have no better leads.
Out of nowhere you suddenly hear a very peculiar noise. It sounds like its getting closer.... Now its really close.
Then suddenly you look up. What you see..... kind of defies all description. A large, flying, metal, thing. Okay, metal contraption of some sort, hovers through the town. As you look closer you see what can only, unmistakably be two other humans and Discord inside of it. For whatever reason Discord appears to be wearing sunglasses.
The metal contraption flies right over you and then heads out of town. As quickly as its come, its gone.
You are quite literally at a loss of words for what you have just seen. Also you're pretty sure that your jaw is now more than half way to the other side of Equestria by now.
Just what in Celestia was that thing.... You've never seen anything like that before.... and the humans.... Normally you could chalk this up to insanity.... BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! YOU'RE NOT INSANE, YOU'RE NOT CRAZY, YOU'RE NOT-
Ok, do the wise thing and, and... OH Shiny... no i have to keep my mind in this... But, but shiny... NO, NO SHINY!!! OH i know what we have to do, let's find Pinkie Pie and have a party... NO, NO PARTIES, but finding Pinkie would be good idea... Or, maybe we could go to fluttershy's house and calm down while petting some animals, that is if you want... Yes, fluttershy could have seen the human and... wait who am i talking to? Hello, I am your inner Pinkie and this is your inner Fluttershy! Um, hi. And there is inner Rarity and Applejack and Rainbow Dash. What i... WHAT!!! Yeah and then there is all those commenters. Say hi! Pinkie, i mean me, i mean... Ugh i give up, even my inner pinkie is crazy.
"Ooooh.... shiny..." you hear a strangely bubblebummy, high pitch voice say.
"Okay," you say to yourself as you remember to collect your jaw from the other side of Equestria. "Now I should probably do the wise thing and."
"Oh shiny..."
"No, I have to keep my mind on this," you say to yourself.
"But, but, shiny..."
"NO, NO SHINY!" you scream aloud and turn around only to realize that nopony is there.
"Oh, I know what we should do," the voice suddenly says. "Lets find Pinkie and have a party!!!"
"NO, NO PARTIES!" You scream again. "Although, finding Pinkie Pie would be a good idea..." you say as you put a hoof to your chin.
"Or, maybe we could go to Fluttershy's house and calm down while petting some animals," you hear another, much softer voice say. "That is... if you want to."
"Yes!" you say to yourself as the imaginary lightbulb above your head comes on. "Fluttershy could have seen the human and... wait... who am I talking to?" you say as you suddenly realize that nopony is around. For real this time. Seriously there aren't any ponies here in the town square other than you.
"Hello, I am your inner Pinkie Pie," the bubblegummy voice says to you, "and this is your inner Fluttershy!"
"Um, hi," your inner Fluttershy says to you.
"And there is inner Rarity and Applejack and Rainbow Dash and..." your inner Pinkie Pie continues
"WAIT, WHAT!!!!" You scream aloud again at this realization.
"Yeah and then there is all those commenters. Hi commenters!!!!" your inner Pinkie Pie says out of nowhere.
"Pinkie, I mean me, I mean..." you begin to say, but find yourself unable to formulate any more coherent words. "Ugh I give up," you finally say as you throw your hooves to your head. "Even my inner Pinkie is crazy."
Ghost Sombra suggests building a huge flight of stairs. You get annoyed at how pointless and irrelevant this is.
"I think you should build a huge flight of stairs," the Ghost of Sombra suddenly says to you.
"SHUT UP GHOST OF SOMBRA!!!!" You scream at it.
"Ah, don't be like that to Somby," your inner Pinkie Pie says. You look slightly to your right and notice ghost versions of Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy floating there..... much like Sombra... "I'm sorry Somby," Your inner Pinkie Pie says as she floats over to him.
"Oh, its okay," Ghost Sombra replies to her. "I've gotten used to it." You feel like your mind may have imploded in on itself trying to comprehend all of this. You then notice your inner Pinkie Pie and Ghost Sombra looking at each other for a moment, they both look deep in though.
"EYE FIVE!!!!" they suddenly both scream as they bash their ghost heads into each other and poke each other with their right eyes. They then back away from each other in slight pain. Yeah, you're almost certain now that your mind imploded. You then look over to Fluttershy, who's just looking back at you like the real Fluttershy would.
You decide to visit pinkie pie, because of her wacky self, and the fact that she always does the inconceivable and impossible every-time, maybe she can help you find the human; or visit fluttershy; last you saw the human it looked like it was running in the direction away from town, and maybe perhaps she might have seen the human pass-by. Which one sounds like the better choice: Pinkie Pie, or Fluttershy?
go to fluttershy's and ask if she has seen the human after she explains what happened you go into the forest to find the human
Dun worry, site was down for all of us. anyway. like i said before, HIRE A TRACKER. please
Ask Fluttershy about the human! He's likely retreated from Ponyville completely, so he might be near the forest. He has no idea of the dangers in the Everfree, so he might be in danger!
Perhaps there are some human tracks in the ground, or maybe somepony saw him again? Maybe Fluttershy saw it, you should ask her.
Beating the crap out of your friends and complete strangers is A-ok, but she can't get herself to give Spike a wake up slap? I guess insanity doesn't just make her violent, it also makes her inconsistent.
Whelp, she hasn't seen Fluttershy all day. Her friends already think she's gone off the deep end, but Fluttershy might help.
All of those Ponies were trying to keep you from the human and Spike did nothing. YOU ONLY DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO!!!!!
But, yeah, Fluttershy.
A flood or realizations all hit you at once as you stare into the eyes of your inner Fluttershy. You haven't seen her since this whole human incident began, and a human is essentially a large animal in this case. Right? So who better to help you find a giant animal than someone who works with giant animals. IT'S THE PERFECT PLAN!!!
"Thank you, inner Fluttershy," you say as you dash off in the direction of Fluttershy's cottage. You know where you're going now.
"Ah, she's gone," you inner Pinkie Pie says, still floating in the same spot.
"Well, she can't really be gone if we're figments of HER imagination right?" the Ghost of Sombra asks her. Your inner Pinkie Pie only giggles at that.
"Well of course silly Somby," she says to him. "We're in her head, she's not gonna run from us. Unless you can run your own head off. Can you run your own head off?"
"Um... I don't mind," your inner Fluttershy says. "She's going to see me after all, so its not that bad."
"Yeah," your inner Pinkie Pie says. "You're really lucky, Fluttershy."
"Thank you," your inner Fluttershy says as she blushes a little.
"Of course I can. How else do you think I can be aware of what's going on all this time. That's right commenters, I am reading everything you say."
"Yay me too!"
I don't mean to interrupt, but we really need to get moving here.
"Ah, but can't we-"
"I think he's right Pinkie. We gotta move on or we'll be here forever."
"*sigh, I guess you're right. Oh well. Bye commenters. I'll see you next time." *waves imaginary hoof again.
"Bye." *waves hoof
"Um... bye... whoever you two are talking to..." *waves yellow hoof.
-Meanwhile, back at the library-
"So what are we gonna do now?" Spike asked Applejack as he finished drying himself with a towel.
"Well now ah reckon we go git Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy," she replied. "Ah think we're probably gonna need all ah em if we're gonna do this."
"Well lets get going then," Rainbow Dash said. "Every moment we waste is another that Twilight can use to do something stupid. We're wasting time here."
"Ah, agree," Applejack said to her before she turned back to Spike. "Spike, ya'll-"
"Just a sec," Spike interrupted her before he turned around and ran up the stairs to the third floor, then he pulled out the ladder to the attic and ran up into it. The sounds of him rummaging through a bunch of things in there could be heard down below. Rainbow Dash and Applejack just looked at each other with shared looks of confusion. All the while, the noises continued.
"Spike!" Rainbow Dash called "Come on, we gotta-"
"Found it!" Spike called back down. After a few more moments, he came back down the stairs with a wooden box in his claws. It wasn't very big, about a foot long and a few inches wide. Both Rainbow Dash and Applejack just stared at it.
So, regarding this plan of yours, Twilight.... I'm just vaguely curious - assuming you succeed, and secks the human, and give birth to a centaur...
What's it's name gonna be? Have you decided that yet? Crossing that bridge when you get there?
Furthermore, suppose that, instead of a centaur, you get, say, an anthro unicorn, instead. Are you going to raise it, train it to follow in your footsteps? Give it up for adoption? Just curious on some of the side-planning aspects. Are you going to try convincing the human to help you raise the wee one?
Well, of course you're gonna raise it. It will be your baby, so of course you're gonna raise it yourself. After all, somepony has to teach it in the art of magic, and who better than the element of magic herself. You haven't really thought about a name for it though, you were thinking maybe an nice human name due to its origins. You'll probably ask the human about that once you're done with him, see what his opinion is, you know nothing on human names.
And as far as the human raising it with you, your original plan was to send him back once you were done. You didn't think about the prospect of him helping you raise the child. The thought never entered your mind, really. Then again, you were also sure none of this would happen.
Follow your heart
And that is what you are doing. RIGHT TO FLUTTERSHY'S COTTAGE!!!!
You slow to a trot as you get closer to her cottage. You don't want to freak her out to much, lest she run away and refuse to help you. Given what's happened before you can't afford to be too careful.
As you approach though you notice that the house is strangely quiet.
"Fluttershy!" You call out as you enter the house. No one appears to be home, but the door was open. Then again, nopony locks their doors in ponyville, its just that safe of a town.
"Fluttershy!" You call out again.
"Up here!" You suddenly hear her voice call back. You can barely hear it, but its there. You then follow the source of the voice all the way upstairs to her bedroom.
You open the bedroom door to find it unlocked. The whole room is strangely dark.
Find the light switch.
You walk over to the lightswitch and turn it on. What you see is kind of shocking.
Fluttershy is tired to her bed. She's tied to her bed with her own bedsheets with all four of her hooves spread out like the way the human was when you found him at Rarity's place. Also you notice Angel bunny tied up in her hair. You almost don't believe it at first, but yeah, he really is tired up in Fluttershy's hair.
You swear to Celestia you can feel your own eyes trying to burst out of your skull.
Again, please leave all comments regarding how to move forward in the previous chapter.
As a sort of apology for the slightly late update last time. I've decide to give this to you guys.
A while ago, I went around and asked some of you what you would like to do to the ponies should you ever meet one, and well.... here are your answers people.
From all of you guys and for all of you guys, this is a comprehensive list of what you all want to do to ponies.
Even if you're successful and DO pro-create with the Human, that leaves out one little detail. Just how long is it going to take for a centaur to gestate inside you? If normal pony anatomy carries over, it should take 11 months. Is this going to be too long for the centaur to stop Nyarlathotep? Babies don't just magically "pop out," do they? Can you cast some kind of magic spell to speed it up?
Nyarlathotep isn't going to be here for several years, so you should ideally have time to raise the centaur and teach it what you need to. You would go into that further, but right now, all that is on your mind is what is in front of you.
Stare in shock.
That is exactly what you are doing. Actually, you're pretty sure you just turned into what Spike was back in the library at this point.
"Umm.... Twilight..." Fluttershy says to you, still tied up and seeming concerned.
OH GODDESS DAMNIT!! Fluttershy got the human to ride her before you did! YOU were the one who brought him here. YOU were the one tracking him down for days. Then Fluttershy stumbled upon him and took him away from you!
You're going to make her talk!
Collateral Damage
No.... No...... no no no no no no no no no no no..... Fluttershy is to innocent and pure to do that sort of thing. She couldn't have... could she?
"Umm... Twilight..." Fluttershy says again, this time sounding even more concerned. However, you don't hear her. All you here is this weird song that keeps on playing.... forever.... without stopping. You don't notice this at all, but your left eye suddenly starts twitching.
Your left eye starts to twitch from the sight of your friend. TS:What the... Your inner pinkie appears IP:OOH, Is this some new game? ghost of Sombra appears GS:What did i miss? sombra Turns to look Fluttershy. when he sees her, his eyes widen and Big smile appears to his face. GS:Bow chicka bow wow! Your inner Fluttershy floats near you with deep blush on her face. IF:Oh, oh my... You can feel blush coming to your own face. Finally you can't take sombra any more. TS:Shut up!! Shut up all of you!!! Fluttershy (Still tied to bed) Looks you with horror filled eyes. She is trying to free herself with new vigor, but why? she should be calm now that you're here.
"Ooh, is this some new game?" your inner Pinkie says as she suddenly appears out of nowhere.
"So, what did I miss?" says the Ghost of Sombra as he suddenly appears as well. He then suddenly turns to look at Fluttershy. His eyes widen as large as they can for a moment before a huge smile appears on his face. "Bow chicka bow wow!" he says.
"Oh, my...." your inner Fluttershy suddenly says as she appears. A huge blush adorning her face. You suddenly begin to feel your face redden as well, though you are not sure why.
Fluttershy just stares back at you with a confused, yet concerned look on her face. You however, do not see that nor do you acknowledge your inner friends or Sombra, cause all you can see is Fluttershy with that weird face and hear that weird song... You feel yourself getting hotter for a brief moment. You can feel it... you can...
Suddenly you are distracted from all of your thoughts by a rather strange sound.
You look down and notice a small, grey ellipse with words in them.
Achievement unlocked:I HAS MADNESS!!!
Achievement:I HAS MADNESS!!!
Description:You have gained so many stress points that your mind has started to tear itself to pieces. Now those fragments follow you and continue making you more and more mad while shatering your mind more.Have fun.
At that moment, you think you can literally feel your mind snap like a Twix bar.
"Um... Twilight... are you..." Fluttershy tries to say again, but you ignore her.
Flick off the lights, bash your head on the wall a couple times, turn the lights on, see Fluttershy still there, use your katana to cut her free.
Instead, you turn off the lights. Suddenly, its pitch black again, neither you nor Fluttershy can see anything. The only sounds that can be heard are the sound of somepony's head (yours) bashing against the wall several times.
Find the light switch (2)
Eventually, after several minutes, you turn the lights back on, only for Fluttershy to see you barely able to stand now. Also Fluttershy's wall now has the nice addition of a pony head sized hole in it.
You stand there for a few moments in a nice, relaxing, actual pain inducing daze before you shake yourself free of it and look back over at Fluttershy.
Action: Release Fluttershy and make her talk about how this happened. THen see if she's willing to help you capture the human! Make her release her inner Iron will side to help you out!
Untie her, Celestamn it!
Release Fluttershy. Ask what happened. she explains that the human was here. have fluttershy help you, and then this ->>> Tatsurou when exiting fluttershy's home you see a random bottle of yellow fluid. grab it and yell, "Jarate." you don't know why you did this, but it seems appropriate.
You let out an extremely loud sigh as you walk over towards Fluttershy and pull your katana out of its scabbard with your magic. Whatever she did to end up in this position, the least you can do is free her.
Ordinarily you would try to untie her sheets, but since you've had enough bulls*** for the past several days, you instead decide to skip that and go for the much simpler route of cutting her loose with your katana. You can buy her some new bedsheets later.
You cut the bonds on all of her hooves. Once they're all off, she hops out of bed and slips the restraints off herself. As she does that, you look to Angel bunny, who is still trapped in her hair. He looks back of you with a look of absolute horror, like you're going to do something really bad to him in the next two seconds.
You don't even realize it at first, but you had inadvertently pointed the blade of your katana directly at him. You have no idea why you did that. Noticing this, you sigh loudly again and put the katana back in its scabbard. You then use your magic to untie the rabbit from Fluttershy's hair. In retrospect, those knots weren't that hard to undo, you probably could have skipped the cutting for the bedsheets.
Regardless, Angel bunny just drops to the floor and does a quick little victory dance to celebrate his freedom before hopping away.
"Thank you Twilight," Fluttershy says to you as she gets the last of her restrains off.
"Don't mention it," you respond in the most deadpan voice possible. You don't think you've ever been able to deadpan your voice that much before. After you say that, you turn back towards the door and begin to head towards the stairs. "Come on down, I'll make us some tea." you say to her in a somehow even more deadpan voice.
Commence Manual Uncoiling and Information Extraction (moderate strength).
INTERROGATE!
Interrogating her is exactly what you are planning on doing. You two are going to have A LOT of things to talk about while you have that tea. You will have a lot of questions for her.
What will you ask her?
What do you do?
-Meanwhile, back in the cave-
An incredibly thick haze filled the entire cave, and the smoke that Bon Bon blew out from her mouth gave a clear indication as to what it was before she passed the bong over to Minuette. Both of their eyes just stared straight as Minuette took the next hit.
In front of them, the human that they had been helping to hide from Twilight Sparkle was on his hands and knees doing some kind of weird crawl back and forth. Lyra and Berry Punch were on both sides of him copying his actions, though since they had hooves it was easier for them to do.
"What are they even doing?" Bon Bon asked as she just watched them.
"Beats the Tartarus out of me," Minuette said as she put the bong back down. "Lyra and Berry seemed to be having fun though."
"Yeah..." Bon Bon replied, her eyes were almost completely glazed over, and red. The two of them just sat there for several minutes (or was it seconds) and watched them. No matter how long they watched, neither of them could understand at all what they were doing or why. It seemed kind of pointless.
"Hey, Bon Bon," Minuette said to her. "Did you ever give him that..."
"Oh, right!" Bon Bon replied as she suddenly realized what Minuette was talking about. "Hey [insert name here]," she called out to the human.
"Huh," the human replied as he stopped doing whatever it was he was doing and stood back up. "Yeah, Bon Bon."
"I almost forgot," Bon Bon said to him. "We got something for you." As she said that, she walked over to her saddlebags by her tent and dug her head in them to search for something. The human just walked back over to where she was standing. Right as he got there, Minuette levitated the bong up and lighter up to his face. She threw him a comforting smile as she did.
The human just smiled back and took the bong from her before taking his own hit. Behind him, Lyra and Berry Punch were still doing what he was doing.
A few moments later, Bon Bon came back with something in her teeth. The human handed the bong back to Minuette before he turned to face her. What was in her teeth would have made him drop the bong had it not been for Minuette.
Slowly, he bent down so that he was eye level with her and held out his right hand. Bon Bon just placed what she had in it gently and let it go.
"For when you run into Twilight again," Bon Bon said to him with a smirk on her face.
The human just stood back up as he brought what Bon Bon had given him closer to his face to see it better. After staring at it for a few moments, he let his other hand grab the handle, and pull it out of its sheath.
"Woah..." was all the human could say as he saw his reflection in it. Bon Bon had just given him a knife, but not just any knife. She had just given him a full on bowie knife.
"Don't cut yourself," Minuette said to him as she placed the bong down on the sand.
"Ahhh I only got one speaking line..."
I'm sorry Pinkie.
"Ah, its okay. Not even I can come up with interesting things to say all the time. Plus, the joke will get old if you keep doing it every time I show up."
Yeah, though really it isn't exactly you, its Twilight's inner perception of you.
It takes a little while for the tea to finish, but once it does, you pour out two separate cups for yourself and Fluttershy, who is sitting back at her table silently waiting for you. You've decided to wait until you've served the tea before you start questioning her. Especially after your little.... "episode" back in her room (you fully intend to do what you can to help fix her wall). After all, she hasn't said a word since she came downstairs.
She doesn't seem scared of you. You just assume that if that were the case, she'd bolt off faster than lightning knowing her, but she stays here with you. You just decided to give her a couple of extra minutes to herself so she can take in all of this.
"Thank you Twilight," she says to you as you set down the teapot, the two cups, and some sugar onto her table with your magic. She blows on her tea for a moment before she takes a sip. You lift up your cup with your magic and take a sip yourself. You notice Fluttershy getting some sugar in her's. You stop to think for a moment that yours needs some as well, so you get some once she's done.
Fluttershy looks at you strangely for a moment as you do. It takes a moment for you to realize, but you just dumped five heaping spoonfuls of sugar into your tea and were moving onto the sixth. You stop immediately and just stir your tea for a moment in silence.
After a few more moments, the mood calms down again. Its time to ask her some questions.
Ask her if you can enter her mind to look at her memories of the time the human was near.
Oh, how you wish you could do that. Unfortunately, mind reading spells are illegal in Equestria..... very illegal. In fact, they are so illegal that the last person you know of who got arrested for using one got his horn snapped off. You're sure there is more to the story than that but that's just what you heard.
The memory spell you used to free her from Discord won't work either cause that was dependent on your memories as well as her own, so yeah, that's not an option. You're instead forced to use one of the greatest time tested methods of old. You'll simply have to ask her directly and hope she gives the truth.
Option 1: Ask where the human went. The direct approach is the easiest. Option 2: Dance around the subject by pretending that you're completely calm and ask about a bunch of things that have no relevance whatsoever to your current situation before letting slip the idea that you know that she knows. Then, "Where is the human?" Option 3: Search for Zergs! Don't let them flank you!
Thinking that a direct approach might not be best, especially since it's Fluttershy you are dealing with after all, you think it would be best if you danced around the issue, at least for the first few questions before you ask her directly.
"So, Fluttershy, met any new animals recently?"
"So, Fluttershy," you say to her after you take another sip of your tea? "Seen anything new?" Fluttershy just stares back at you from behind her mane, just like she usually does when she is nervous about something.
"U-um, what do you mean?" she asks you. You can feel your left eyebrow rise when you hear those words.
"Oh, nothing much," you say to her. "New plants, new ponies maybe some new animals?" Her eyes suddenly widen as she hears that last part, and you watch her almost choke on her tea. This confirms it. She knows where the human is. Now its time to stop beating around the bush. "Where is he?" you ask her. Fluttershy is still coughing a bit from almost chocking on her tea, but she still answers you.
"Wh-what?" she says to you.
ask where he is nicely, if se dodges questions or just dosent answer give yourself a double voice and in the most untimidating way possible say where. is. he?
"Fluttershy..." you say to her again in the least intimidating way possible. "Where. Is. He?"
"What?" she says to you again.
'Okay, that's it!' you think to yourself. You're not about to take anymore of this bulls***. You stand up and flip the table over with your magic, spilling the tea you just made all over the floor in the process.
"YES!" She almost screams those words. You can see tears starting to fall from her eyes. You REALLY don't want to do this, especially to Fluttershy, but all of Equestria is in danger right now and you have to save it.
"Then you know what I'm saying!?" you respond back to her.
"Yes!" Fluttershy responds back to you.
You must maintain proper grammar and still appear sane, so ask calmly, WHERE THE F DID THAT BIPEDAL BITCH GO!?
"Then tell me where the f*** did that bipedal bitch go!?"
"W-w-what..." she says to you again. You start to feel your left eye twitch uncontrollably as that word hits your ears again.
Threaten Fluttershy with your katana until she says something.
You draw out your katana with your magic and point it at her.
"Say 'what' again! Say 'what' again! I dare you! I double-dare you motherbucker, say 'what' one more Celestia damn time!!!"
"I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOHOHOHOW!!!!!!" she screams and falls to the floor. Now she is really crying. Despite that though, you start to feel your anger rising again at the prospect of another dead end.
Since all form of niceness is gone, demand the reason why she was tied up and what in tartus is a version of her is in my head.
"WHAT THE BUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW!?" you ask her. "If you don't know, then why the buck were you tied to the bed!?"
"I DON'T KNOW!!!" Fluttershy screams at you again, you are unconvinced. "I-I was knocked out so i didn't see where he went. I SWEAR IT'S THE TRUTH!!!" She then looks back up at you with tear filled eyes.
Suddenly, something within you breaks. Your eyes suddenly shrink to nonexistence as you really feel your soul snap like a twix bar. It even has the same "CRUNCH" sound effect.
*"rational" voice inside your head* Since anypony -or human, for that matter- must be ridiculously drugged to not want to mate with you, Twilight Sparkle, why not cast a spell that detects the use of drugs? Hay, it's not the worst thing that the split personality inside of you has suggested today.
*another side* Now prank call a kedaaah shop.
*yet another side* No, start spinning around saying "brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr, aeiou aeiou aeiou aeiou aeiou aeiou aeiou aeiou, Exclamation point question mark Exclamation point question mark Exclamation point question mark Exclamation point question mark, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, John Madden John Madden John Madden John Madden John Madden."
*your inner .MOV!Fluttershy* hey, hey, hey! Stay outta my shed!!!
*your inner Yami* Have you tried challenging the human to a children's card game? It applies to every situation. Barring that, have you tried collecting 10 Star Chips? If that has failed, did you collect all of the locator cards?
*your inner BEN* you've met a terrible fate, haven't you?
*your inner Twilight Sparkle with voices in her head* (see above, loop at this point of advice for a few times, then proceed to the next line)
*your inner bobobo bo bo bobo defense mechanism promptly kicks in, and all of the voices inside your head start a no-holds-barred battle royale inside your head in order to determine which course of action you should take.*
Suddenly a whole plethora of voices start to invade your head.
"I think we should prank call a kedaaah shop," says a voice in your head that sounds kind of like you.
"brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr, aeiou aeiou aeiou aeiou aeiou aeiou aeiou aeiou, Exclamation point question mark Exclamation point question mark Exclamation point question mark Exclamation point question mark, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, John Madden John Madden John Madden John Madden John Madden." says another.
"Since anypony -or human, for that matter- must be ridiculously drugged to not want to mate with you, Twilight Sparkle, why not cast a spell that detects the use of drugs?" says another voice that sounds a lot like how you normally would.
"Hey, hey, hey! Stay outta my shed!!!" says another, much deeper voice.
"Have you tried challenging the human to a children's card game? It applies to every situation. Barring that, have you tried collecting 10 Star Chips? If that has failed, did you collect all of the locator cards?" says another, yet much sexier voice.
"You've met a terrible fate, haven't you?" Another one says. Another one then follows after that... and another... and another... and another....
Your inner Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Ghost Sombra, all do the macarena.
Your inner Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Ghost Sombra don't join in though cause at the moment they are all doing the macarena.
"La la la la..." Ghost Sombra sings. "I refuse for there to be a chapter without meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Then suddenly, you hear something break. Like glass. Then suddenly.... all of the voices stop... all of them.
Suddenly, a very familiar "bleep bloop" sound come up and more words appear at the bottom of your vision in a grey ellipse.
Oh and of course we have to give her new achievement.
Achievement unlocked:The madness has been doubled!!!
Description:SO you still keep collecting stress points? Well now you have so much of them that your emotions are starting to run wild. You still can turn around so keep calm andHAVE FUN
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" you scream at the top of your lungs as your mind, your soul, and everything about you finally breaks.
-Meanwhile, at the Carousel Boutique-
"Oh, somehow I knew I would need this one day," Rarity said as she walked out from the back of her closet holding a straight jacket with her magic.
Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike all just stood there with their mouths hanging open.
"Uhh... Rarity..." Applejack finally spoke. "What do ya have..."
"I made this after the last time Twilight..." Rarity began to say, but then paused for a moment. "Well, lets just say was not all right in the head." she directed her eye contact away from them as she said that.
"Ah, it doesn't matter!" Rainbow Dash said. "She has it, and that's all that matters right now."
"Yeah, I kind of have to agree with Rainbow Dash," Spike said. "As much as I would like to know WHY Rarity has a straight jacket in her closet, and believe me I would." he said as he looked back over to her for a moment. A weird blush was on her face and she was smiling almost sheepishly. Spike then turned his attention back to Applejack and Rainbow Dash. "We should probably save those questions until AFTER we capture Twilight."
"I agree," Rarity said as she neatly folded up the straight jacket and put it on her saddlebags, which she floated over to her. "So, what do we have to do now?" she then asked them almost a little to quickly.
"Well," Applejack said. "First we gotta get Pinkie Pie an-"
"HI!" Pinkie Pie suddenly said as she came in from out of nowhere. Practically everypony (and dragon) jumped off of their hooves in surprise as they heard her voice.
"PINKIE!!!" Applejack asked as she landed back on the ground. "How did-"
"I know when I'm needed," she said before Applejack could finish her sentence.
"How-," Applejack was about to ask again, but Rainbow Dash just put a hoof on her shoulder.
"AJ, its Pinkie, best not to ask questions." Applejack just turned to look at her before she looked back at Pinkie, who was smiling and looking back at them. Also she had her head turned 370 degrees for some reason.
"All right," Applejack said as she let out a sigh. "Now, we just need ta get-"
The sound cut through the air like a knife through butter.
"Um," Applejack said. "Ya'll hear that?"
"I feel that," was all Spike said.
-Meanwhile, in Canterlot Palace-
Princess Celestia was spending her afternoon relaxing in a nice, large pool of white yogurt. Why she had a giant pool of white yogurt, nopony knew. In situations like these, they found it best not to ask.
The sound of screaming seemed to come from everywhere.
"Sexy..." The Doctor asked. "Sexy do you hear that?" Suddenly a frightening realization came to him. "Oh, oh god is that River Song. LEAVE ME ALONE!" The Doctor screamed as he threw his fist into the air. "YOU ALREADY TOOK AMY AND RORY WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT!!!???"
-Meanwhile, back in Equestria, and in a cave-
test the shit out of that knife bro
The human cut through a large log with his new bowie knife like it was playdough. Or maybe regular dough.... any kind of dough.
"F***ity sh*t!" the human said as he held the knife up to look at it again. The thing was sharp. "What is this thing even made of!?"
"I'm not sure..." Bon Bon replied. "I think its called Ori.... Ori.... Oricalsum.... Oric..... Something that starts with an O."
"All right," Lyra said as she walked up next to the human. "Now for the next phase of your training. Self defense."
"Self defense?" The human said with a confused look on his face. "You're gonna teach me self defense?"
"Of course," Lyra replied. "You got a sweet ass knife. You can't just have one and not know how to use it."
"Right now?" The human said, still confused. "Aren't you-"
"Oh, it'll be fine," Lyra said to him as she waved her hoof. "Actually, wait one sec." Immediately after Lyra said that, she levitated the bong back to her face and took another large hit from it. After she exhaled another puff of smoke, she put it down. "All right, now we can-"
Eventually, you pass out and fell to the floor from too much screaming. Your Katana drops from your magical grasp as you did.
Fluttershy just stared at you for a moment. She was no longer crying, now she was just confused, and somewhat worried.
Eventually, after a moment of not moving, you scrunch yourself into the fetal position and start crackling your teeth.
How could you do that?
How could you threaten Fluttershy like that.....?
Fluttershy.... The kindest, most frail, most adorable thing in all of Equestria... possibly ever...
HOW.... COULD.... YOU....
Now its your turn to break down and cry. You let a waterfall of tears fall from your face as she just lay there on the floor. You're not fit to even be a pony right now.
"There there..." Fluttershy's voice suddenly says to you as she walks over. You don't notice, but she's looking down at you with a smile on her face. "It's all right," Fluttershy says to you as she puts her hooves around you. "It's okay. It's all right. You don't have anything to worry about. Just let it all go." The way Fluttershy is speaking to you sounds like the way a mother would speak to a newborn foal.
You don't notice any of that though, you don't even notice her hugging you and stroking your mane.
You just lay there. You lay there on her floor and cry for as long as you need to.
Eventually, after an hour or so, you weren't really paying any attention. Fluttershy leads you out of her cottage. Apparently, one of her squirrels had seen the human and followed him into the Everfree forest after he went. So, now Fluttershy is taking you to where the squirrel said he saw him. Whether its out of sorrow, pity, or something else you aren't really sure, but you decide not to think about it.
After interrogating Fluttershy give your katana a lightning enchantment, your inner Pinkie's Pinkie sense senses a very dramatic fight in the near future.
As you walk into the forest, you decide to give your katana a lightning enchantment. You're not sure why, but you feel like you'll need it. Luckily, this blade was already magically charged to contain the element of lightning. It just needs a magical charge to keep it going. Kind of like a battery.
You never had it on before cause you never really thought you would need it, but since you're entering the Everfree forest, well you can't be too careful.
Fluttershy leads you into the Everfree forest past Zecora's hut. Eventually, the two of you enter and open plain in the forest surrounded by trees. Its here that she suddenly stops.
"Fluttershy," you say to her, confused as all tartarus. "Why did we stop?" Suddenly, Fluttershy turns around to face you. The look in her eyes is not one of a frightened, timid pegasus.
"Twilight," Fluttershy says to you. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to stop you right here."
"What!" you respond in confusion. "But... why?"
"I saw the human last night. He told me everything," Fluttershy explains to you. "He told me what you tried to do to him. He told me about Lyra and Bon Bon, and Rarity, and everything else. I cannot let you see him."
"Fluttershy..." you try to say, but she cuts you off before you can say another word.
"No, Twilight!" she says with a stern tone, much like how she would talk to a disobedient animal. "You're clearly not well. You're not thinking straight. You come into my house, destroy my furniture, threaten me with that sword, and demand to know where he is. You. are. not. well..." She says with the voice has the air of command. "So until you calm down and start thinking rationally. I cannot, under good conscience let you see him right now."
You honestly cannot believe it. You cannot believe what you are hearing. Fluttershy is keeping the human from you. She... is keeping... the human... from.... you.... After all you just went through, she is still not going to let you have him.
"Fluttershy," you say to her. "All of Equestria is in danger." you try to convince her. "I need to see him right now."
"Then see him when you are calm. I will not let you see him as you are right now," she replies. She's really not backing down.
'Gah!' you say in your head. You don't have time for this. You don't have time to calm down. You need to see the human RIGHT NOW!!!
"Fluttershy," you say to her in a much sterner voice. "Let me through."
"No," Fluttershy responds, still standing her ground.
"Fluttershy," you say again as you draw your katana. "Let. Me. Through."
"I. Said. No!" Fluttershy says again, this time with more harshness in her voice. She is really not backing down.
You cannot believe it. Of all the times Fluttershy had to stop being a scardy pony she had to pick right now, and with you no less.
Your katana still drawn, you take a step forward.
"Fluttershy," you say again. "I don't wanna have to do this." You mean it too. After all that, you really don't wanna hurt Fluttershy, but to save Equestria you will if you have to.
Fluttershy doesn't respond. Instead, she just holds out her left hoof. There is a moment of silence between you for a moment. Then suddenly, you hear the call of an eagle.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, an eagle flies down into the clearing. In his talons are a pair of ten inch knives. The eagle flies down, puts the knives in Fluttershy's extended hoof, then flies away.
Fluttershy then takes one of the knives in her other hoof, then she spins them both around in her hooves and gets in a fighting stance.
You didn't want to believe it at first, but you have to now. She really does want to do this.
There is no choice now.
What do you do....
----
"Hi commenters. Pinkie Pie here. Since Razor is using the author's notes section to give you guys an
. See. Its so important that I even made it big for you guys. And I made it a link too so you all can go and see the important message. But yeah, you all should really read the important message. It really is important and it's not a joke. So please go read it.
"Anyway, since that is going on. I'm here instead to tell you how the next chapter is going to work.
"The next chapter of this story is going to be a PONY KOMBAT!!! chapter. However, we're throwing in a little twist this time around. Instead of just Razor writing out the fight scene for you all to enjoy. You will still get to command Twilight and tell her what to do. All you have to do is tell her the commands you want her to perform in a fight, and Razor will incorporate them into the fight scene.
"That's right, is a PONY KOMBAT where you get to command one of the characters. *giggle* I know right. Isn't that AWESOME!!!
"Oh, and don't worry about little ol' Fluttershy here. If there's one thing that our show has shown, its that she is fully capable of taking care of herself. Why, just look at the way she massages bears. *giggle* See. I even made that a link so you can see how she massages bears *giggle*
"So yeah, don't worry you're little human heads at all about Fluttershy, she's not going to be completely helpless in this fight. Just you wait and see. *giggle*
"Also if any of you commenters know some good music for Twilight and Fluttershy to fight PONY KOMBAT style too, please tell us because Razor really doesn't know which song to use for this next one. So please if you would help that would be so super dooper special!!!
"Anyway anyway. If it's all the same to you commenters. I am probably gonna stop talking directly to you for my next few appearances. I may be the element of laughter and I may be able to breath the fourth wall, but even I can tell when a joke's been played out for too long. So yeah. Sorry commenters, but I am gonna take a break for a little while. I will still acknowledge you all though and I will still say hi. So I won't completely forget about you.
"But yeah. Anyway anyway anyway. Go and read Razor's
"So now that I've said all of that. Bye commenters *blows a fake kiss* I'll see you all again when the joke becomes funny again. Bye!!!! *waves hoof and blows more fake kisses*"
Intermission: PONY KOMBAT V - Twilight Sparkle vs Fluttershy
The sun began to set behind the trees as you and Fluttershy stare down each other. Neither one of you has made a move yet.
twilight! use your sword like a reverse lightning rod and tase fluttershy so you dont have to kill her or seriously injure her
Use a spell to dull your sword a bit, you don't want to kill your friend after all
You really don't want to hurt your friend, you didn't want to hurt any of them, but they're all keeping you from what you know needs to be done. For all of Equestria.
Still, she is your friend, you don't want to hurt her. Rarity was one thing, but Fluttershy, she is something else altogether. You're not even sure she can actually fight. With that in mind, you let your magic flow into the blade of your katana and dull the blade, making it little more than a blunt taser. At worst, with the amount of lightning you have running through the blade right now, it should only knock Flutteshy out for an hour (or two, or three) or so. You absolutely don't want to kill her.
take the squirrel you two where following hostage she won't let harm come to any animal and you can get the human in one move
That was what you first thought to do when Fluttershy stopped you. Unfortunately, the squirrel you were following ran away into the forest. You're not about to go find him, especially right now. Plus, even if you attempted to, Fluttershy probably wouldn't let you anyway.
Use magic and take her knives away. Then you scold her for playing with sharp objects. At the same time, your tail gets cut off by your katana because your sheath sucks.
I agree with the talking bowie knife person!
This. She's torn objects away from a possessive, extremely greedy dragon. And he had claws. There's no reason she can't do the same on a pegasus with hooves. The only way this fight is coming down to weapons is with a healthy helping of Deus Ex Machina (I'm looking at you Pinkie).
what are you gonna do? duh you got magic or are you really that brain dead you forgot, just like your forgeting to breath right now.
Take her bloody knives from her with the power of your overy fucked up mental mind.
Fluttershy eeps when you take away her knives.
" I - I- I would like to - to call hax. if you dont mind that is" squeeks fluttershy after you take her knives
Finally, the sun finally set behind the trees as the last bit of light disappeared behind the leaves.
"I'm sorry Fluttershy," you say to her as you as you focus your magic.
Both the knives in her hooves suddenly became enveloped in magenta glows and were torn from her hooves. You then levitated the knives over towards you. There would be no point in fighting you if she doesn't have her weapons, as more than likely she's probably useless without them. Besides, knowing her, she'll probably back out like she usually does....
Suddenly you see her fly right towards you. With a move to quick for you to see, possibly either due to the rather intense amount of disbelief you're feeling right now or the fact that it actually happened so damned fast.
Fluttershy flew towards you, grabbed the knives in both of her hooves again, then flipped over in mid air and kicked you in the face with both of her rear hooves. The sudden blow to the face caused you to loose your magical grip on her knives as well as your sword. She takes her knives from you as easily as you took them from her and your sword falls to the ground.
'Buck!' You scream in your head as you fall backwards. 'Of all the days she had to stop being such a scardy pony why did she have to pick today!?' You land on your back the second you finish that thought. Luckily, your vision is still miraculously clear, so you see her fly over you. She's used the momentum from her flight to keep moving. You then see her flip herself over and land back on her hooves directly behind her, her knives back in her hooves.
You then see her face as she stands above you.
"I'm sorry Twilight," she says to you before she stands up on both her rear hooves, spins the knives in her hooves again, and then brings them down on you. She really means to do it.
You quickly grab your sword with your magic and bring it over to you. It reaches you just n time, you hold it above you and block both her knives. Thinking quickly, you then use your magic to bring up a force field and push her back with it. Fluttershy jumps back a few feet to get away from it, which allows you to jump back up onto your hooves.
You turn around to face her and stand ready. She really means to fight you. She really means to keep you from reaching the human.
Looks like she's a close range fighter. Action: Play a zoning game with Magic Projectiles. Not lethal ones of course, but can stun a pony when it contacts.
(If you're near) first make illusions of you appear around her. start running in circle around her so that she doesn't know who is the real one. make every illusion attack her same time as you attack.
Fluttershy doesn't waste any time and flies right towards you again. The second she reaches you she swings one of his knifes, which you manage to block, but within less than a second she swings at you again. She attacks with one blow after the other. She's quick, a lot quicker than Rarity or any of your other friends. You manage to block all of her blows, but she doesn't give you a change to attack at all.
From this, you come to the conclusion that she is a closer range fighter. So, you figure it would be best to put some distance between you and her, but she's not letting you get away. Then suddenly an idea hits you.
You parry one of her attacks and swing upwards at her. Fluttershy just leans back to avoid that one, then you swung horizontally, but she jumps back away from it. Her knives are great for offense, but they're not great for defense it seems. She has to rely on her own agility it seems.
Using the opening you've been given, you cast a spell to create six different illusions of you around her, making seven in total. You then start to run to the left, and the illusions copy your movements. You run in circles around her several times, using a little extra magic to increase your speed just by a little bit. You watch her eyes try to follow you, but you're too fast for her, you've got her now.
You then run forward and swing at her with your sword, all of the illusions copy you. She has no idea which way to block, she can't get out of this. At least, that's what you think until she spreads her wings and flies straight up into the air, your blade barely touches her rear hooves as all the illusions of you disappear. You've never been able to hold that spell for very long, especially when you are multitasking or working under stress. Both of which you are doing now.
You watch Fluttershy fly up for a little bit before she turns around and flies back down at you. You jump back away to avoid her as she lands. You then land several feet away from her, as your hooves touch the ground you look into her eyes again. No, you don't want that.
You then start running to your right and focus your magic again. You then shoot magic blast after magic blast, as well as a few fireballs, from your horn at her. You're not about to let her get close to you again.
Her agility as a pegasus tops your strength as a unicorn. You have to flee for the time being and find another way to track the human that doesn't involve Fluttershy
Unfortunately, it seems you really underestimated Fluttershy's agility. You knew her speed as a pegasus would top yours, but you weren't expecting this. She's flying to her right along with you and dodging everything you throw at her. She dodges the magic blasts like they are nothing, and even does a backflip over a fireball.
Seriously, you would have expected this from Rainbow Dash, but Fluttershy... she's even giving Rainbow Dash a run for her money as far as her ability to dodge goes.
And you can't leave this place, you're so close to the human now you can't run away, plus you don't think that Fluttershy is gonna leave you leave that easily now that she has you here.
Its ok, you got this. Fluttershy is a Flying-type and you know Electric-type attacks. Just spam thunderbolt and try to use full restores whenever your hp dips too low.
You've still got to play the zoning game, but your regular blasts aren't doing much to her. With this in mind, you start to channel electricity into your horn. Fluttershy sees this and begins to fly right towards you again, but you've prepared for this.
You then fire the electricity upwards from your horn and it comes down right in her path. You know that lightning takes less than a second to hit the ground, and after that short initial charge, you've got this.
You then fire another blast of lightning from your horn. Fluttershy flies backwards away from it and begins flying around the open field you're in. You start spamming the lightning bolt attack for a while. You notice that it's considerably harder for her to dodge the lightning, but she still manages to do it. Seriously, her agility really is surprising.
After a few more shots, one of the lightning bolts manages to hit the edge of her right wing. This throws her off balance and knocks her from the sky. You watch her fall to the ground and roll for a few feet before. She turns to look at you as she attempts to get back up.
With a confidant smile on your face, you channel more electricity into your horn. You're not gonna miss this time.
Fluttershy, seeing this, jumps back up onto her hooves and runs over to a nearby tree.
Consider her weaknesses. Very sensitive about trees and nature and such so do something like set fire to trees or just a tree to get her startled.
You then fire off the last bolt of lightning. You watch it go up, and to know it will come back down on her. It does, but you forgot one other little important detail about lightning. While it does take less than a second to hit the ground, it automatically seeks the highest point to strike, and Fluttershy is right next to a tree.
The lightning comes down right where Fluttershy is, but it hits the tree. It hits the tree and singes it completely, leaving only a black husk in its wake. Fluttershy just barely manages to jump away from the tree before the lightning hits.
Right as she lands back on all four of her hooves, she looks back at the remains of the tree. You swear you can see her jaw hit the floor.
It's at that point that your eyes shrink to the size of pinpricks again. You've always known that Fluttershy had a... rather strange.... love for Trees. You've never really understood why Fluttershy loves trees the way she does, but its just one of those things you've just learned not to question. Its like Rarity with her whips, chains, and kinky leather collection (yes you've seen it) and Pinkie Pie with her ability to absolutely defy the laws of physics. You just don't question it.
(If you're far) Start running towards her when you almost hit her, teleport behind her. when you're behind her slash to her hind legs.
You never expected it to come back and bit you in the flank however, and now that you've effectively turned a tree to near ash thanks to one of your attacks, it appears that that is exactly what is about to happen.
You watch the rage in Fluttershy's face reach a boiling point, then it snaps. She screams at you as loud as she can (which since its Fluttershy is not very loud at all) and begins to run towards you. If she wasn't mad before, now she definitely is.
You stop channeling lightning into your horn and run at her as well. It wasn't working anyway, and you're not about to make that same mistake twice. You point your sword forward and charge at her. If that's how she wants to play, you're not about to turn her down.
The two of you run at each other across the field, both ready to strike, and Fluttershy looking like she's ready to tear you a new one for what you did to the tree. Right as the two of you get close however, right as you are about to hit, you suddenly teleport behind her and slash at her hind legs. If nothing else, you can at least trip her up.
At least you would, if Fluttershy didn't suddenly jump up into the air and flip over your blade. She didn't even look at you, it was like she did that by instinct.
Down, Left, X , Down, Left, O, Down, Right, X
Shout Inferno Divider
While she is still in the air, you swing upwards jump into the air with her.
"Inferno divider!" you shout as you jump into the air and slice at her back. Its then that Fluttershy does something you really don't expect. She suddenly grabs both the knives with the edges of her wings, then holds them both behind her and blocks your blade. She then quickly spins around in mid air and kicks you in your mid section, which sends you back to the ground.
You land on your back, bounce a little, then land a few inches behind you. Just as you're about to jump back up however, Fluttershy suddenly lands on you of you and straddles you. You watch her grab the knives from her wings and look down at you with an expression of pure rage.
"You hurt Winston!!!" she screams at you right as she brings the knives down at you. She starts stabbing at you like a maniac, an angry maniac at that. You hold up your sword and put up a force field to block her blows, but she won't stop. She's like an insane pony who doesn't understand the concept of stop. After several blows, she then resorts to slamming both her knives down at you at once, which has more impact against your shield than the single attacks she was doing before.
Its then that you notice an opening. Right as Fluttershy lifts up both her knives, you disengage your shield, then grab her with your magic and push her back. You knock Fluttershy back several feet into another tree. You then jump back up onto your hooves and look directly at her. The tree you just threw her into doesn't look to badly damaged, but she still looks pissed as all hell. She doesn't even waste a second before running at you again.
You run at her as well. You run for at least a few feet before you suddenly teleport right in front of her with your sword raised. You learn from your mistakes. You always have.
Step 1: Approach Fluttershy.
Step 2: Swing Katana at Fluttershy.
Repeat until victorious.
Ok here's what u do. *inhales* ... up,up,down,left,down,up,up,right,a,b,a,d,c,a,up,down,left,left,up, and start. that my friend is the ultimate super ultra mega turbo uber duper awesome (yet completey bad ass) SOLID SNAKE COMBO!!!!!! OH the return of the bad ass ( ha this time its twi thats the bad ass take that snake!)
Now you're on the offensive. You swing your sword at Fluttershy with as much tenacity as she had attacked you. You don't stop attacking, she wouldn't stop attacking you so you figure if you keep attacking yourself you won't give her the chance to attack. Fluttershy really is quicker than you thought though, as she's able to dodge all of your blows like they are as slow as Rainbow Dash's pet tortoise Tank. You really need to stop comparing Fluttershy here to Rainbow Dash, even now they are two completely different ponies.
Still, she really is effortlessly dodging all of your attacks. She's not even blocking, just dodging.
You're really had enough of this, you need to end this now. Its then that you remember one of the techniques that your brother taught you when he gave you this sword. He called it "The Ultimate Snake" combo for whatever reason. You start swinging your sword strategically, just like you've been taught. Still Fluttershy dodges.
Once, twice, three times, you're just about done, and still Fluttershy dodges. You then swing one last time, Fluttershy throws one of her knives into her right wing and swings it at you, but you've expected that. Suddenly, you teleport a few feet behind where you're standing, then charge forward and thrust your sword at Fluttershy.
Fluttershy quickly takes her knife back in her hoof and holds both of her knives up. She manages to block your attack with both her knives and the two of you lock weaspons.
At one point in the fight, Twilight and Fluttershy should quote a completely inappropriate part to an anime or cartoon that has nothing to do with fighting or violence while fighting.
Ghost of sombra must be in all chapters. Ghost of Sombra: Hey, Hey twilight. Do a falcon punch! Or as you would call it a pony buck. I prefer Falcon Punch. Twilight: POONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYY BUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
The two of you just stand there and lock blades for several moments. You take care not to look into Fluttershy's eyes, but you can't help but glance at them for a moment. In them you can see a look of pure determination and rage. This is unlike the typical Fluttershy you know, but she has shown that she can overcome anything when she puts her mind to it.
You then look down and notice the lightning coming from your blade. The electricity from the lightning is going into the blades of her knives via conduction, but still she holds on. The handles of her knives appear to be made out of wood, so there is some insulation, but the proximity alone should do something. Despite all that, Fluttershy still holds on. She must really have a high tolerance for pain if she can take this.
"Hey, hey Twilight," the Ghost of Sombra says to you out of nowhere. "Do a Falcon Punch! Or as you would call it, a pony buck. Though I prefer Falcon Punch."
"Shut up Ghost of Sombra!!!" you shout at him, though Fluttershy doesn't even pay attention to that.
"The sky is blue motherbucker!!!" Fluttershy shouts at you for no particular reason.
"Your resistance only makes me wetter!!!" You shout back at her, though you have no idea why you decide to shout that.
Suddenly, Fluttershy pushes forward and pushes your sword upwards. She then gets right in your face and suddenly headbutts you. You double back for a moment and pull your sword back, but that is all the moment Fluttershy needs.
Go on the defensive then when she is worn out go on the offensive
Fluttershy charges in and starts attacking you again. Again, her blows come one after the other with little to no pause in between. You block everything you can with your sword, and still the lightning coming from it does nothing to her.
You keep blocking, then suddenly Fluttershy does something you don't expect. She grabs the knives with her wings and attacks with them instead, leaving her hooves open for even more attacks, and suddenly you have even more problems to worry about. You block knife attack after knife attack, followed by punch after punch, and still she keeps coming, giving you no openings.
Use a Getsuga Tensho
You parry one of her moves again and swung upwards, causing Fluttershy to jump back a bit.
Seeing your change, you charge the blade of your sword with lightning instead, and then swung horizontally at her. As you swing, a large blade made of a mix of wind and lightning comes from your blade and flies right at her. Another move your brother taught you. He called it "Getsuga Tensho," though you've never really understood why.
Fluttershy jumps over the blade of lightning using her wings to give herself a little extra boost over it. Right as she lands back on her hooves however, you are ready for her. You run right up to her and start attacking again.
You've worn her out, this should be easy now.
wait for Twilight to over-exert her sword and rush forward with your knives like they are a retro-lancer!
Unfortunately, in your charge forward you over exert your sword, which allows Fluttershy to block it with the knife in her right wing. She then ducks under it, then grabs her other knife with her left hoof and rushes forward.
You jump backwards to avoid it, but you're too close. Fluttershy swings upwards right as she reaches you, and even though you're jumping back, her knife still manages to get you. It cuts right through your suit, through the material, and cuts you upwards across your midsection. She actually managed to cut you, you don't want to believe it, but she did.
You look down at the cut right as you land back on your hooves. Your momentary distraction however, allows Fluttershy to run right back up to you and attack again. She rushes for you, you put your sword up to block her attack again, but Fluttershy attacks you with both the knives in her wings, which allows her to keep rushing forward, grab you with her forehooves, and push you down onto your back.
You're pinned now. Fluttershy has your sword by the knives in her wings, and her forehooves are pinning yours down, save with your rear hooves. You're not going anywhere. While she has you pinned, she brings her head down so that it's less than inches away from yours.
Fluttershy needs to Use the stare to bent twi to her will and put her to sleep (like bedtime sleep not euthanized)
You then make one mistake, you look up, you look up into her eyes. You look up right into "the stare." This time you can't look away, she's not letting you. You can feel yourself loosing yourself the longer you stare into her eyes. You start to feel relaxed. You start to feel yourself falling.... NO you can't fall asleep now. You have a mission to complete. For all of Equestria. You have to think of something, and fast, before you loose yourself.
PK Freeze Ω!
"PK FREEZE OMEGA!!!" you shout aloud in an effort to regain yourself. Fluttershy shrugs a bit in confusion, which momentarily diverts her stare from you for a moment. You don't waste time. You suddenly drop your sword, which causes her to fall forward a little bit. You then unleash a torrent of cold mist from your horn which envelops Fluttershy.
The initial blast causes her to double back and get off of you as she outs a hoof in front of her face. The longer it goes on though, her body starts to freeze. The longer it goes on, the more she steps back, and the more her body freezes. After a few more moments, Fluttershy's body is frozen completely. She's not moving at all. Her wings, knives, and all of her are frozen.
You lay there on the ground for a few moments to catch your breath, ready just in case anything happens. After a few more moments of nothing, you slowly start to stand back up. Once you're on your hooves, you look forward to see what you've done.
Fluttershy is encased in a rather large block of ice. Her right hoof is over her eyes and he's almost up on her hind legs. The knives she was fighting with are still in her wings. Overall though, she is not moving.
Worried for a moment, you use a quick "life scan" spell to detect any signs of life, and surely enough, there is. She's alive, just frozen. You let out a loud sigh of relief as you look back up at her. You can almost see "the stare" still in her eyes.
You spend several moments just looking at her before you say something.
"I'm sorry Fluttershy," you say to your frozen friend. "Truly, but Celestia I am." As you say that, you walk over to your sword and pick it up with your magic. You slash it once to get everything off of it before you put it back into its scabbard.
You almost think you can hear the "bleep bloop" of an achievement coming up, but nothing does. What achievement could you get for freezing your friend? You wouldn't want it even if you could get it.
You look back at the frozen Fluttershy and let out another loud sigh as you do. You then walk over to her and put a hoof around her. With another burst of magic from your horn, both of you are gone from the field.
The two of them then reappear in Fluttershy's cottage. You couldn't just leave her there in the forest.
"The fate of Equestria depends on this," you say to her. "I have to do this. I have to meet this human, and I have to do it now." You pause for a moment before you say the next part. "I'm sorry." Then suddenly, you teleport away from her again and back into the open clearing you were before.
You look around for a moment trying to remember the way the squirrel was telling you to do. Fortunately for you, your memory is like a steel trap, and once you see it, you know where to go again.
You then head off into the forest again to find the human. With the squirrel gone now though, you're on your own. That's not gonna stop you now though, nothing is. You are close, you can feel it.
What do you do?
-Meanwhile, not to far away in a cave-
*back with the human*
You just realize something... doesnt the purple pony have magic? wouldnt she just use it on you and then your fucked?Litteraly?
yeah thats basically the gist of what you would imagine happen.
now you needs a hugz
"Wait..." The human suddenly said before he was about to slice another log in half with his knife. "Lyra I just realized something."
"What?" Lyra responded, sounding concerned.
"Twilight knows magic right?"
"Yes, she is a unicorn after all."
"She knows magic..." the human began to say. "She knows magic, and I'm just a guy with a knife." It's just then that the frightening realization of reality dawns on him. "Oh shit! Oh fuck! I am so fucked!!!" The human suddenly screams as she gets down on his knees. Bon Bon, Berry Punch, and Minuette all just stand by looking concerned, Berry Punch taking a hit from the bong now.
"There there," Lyra said as she walked over and put a hoof around the human's neck. "It's nothing to worry about." The human doesn't seem convinced. "That's why we're moving on to the next phase of your training." At those words, the human turns his head and looks back up at her. "I'm going to teach you how to defend against magic." Lyra said with a smile. At that, a smile began to creep on the human's face as well. No, he was not done yet.
Again, please leave your suggestions in the previous chapter.
All right, so I know a lot of you are wondering why I didn't update this story when I should have. And for those of you wondering that, that means you obviously did not read the
The objective for this contest is to draw the characters in Wake up. See this. What do? as they appear in the story. For instance, Twilight runs around dressed like Solid Snake and Applejack wears a bandolier so yeah. If any of you think you can draw them as they appear in that story, lets see what you have.
You can draw a single pony, multiple, or all of them, it doesn't matter. Draw them in whatever post or doing whatever you want, it is up to you.
You can draw whatever you want as long as you follow this simple set of guidelines.
1.) The characters have to look how they appear in the story (duh, also see descriptions below) 2.) No porn (No rule 34 stuff or anything like that, entries like that will be rejected immediately despite how good they are) 3.) Gore is okay, but only in very small to moderate amounts (No dead ponies, immense amounts of blood or organs hanging out or anything like that. Sorry I had to specify that but yeah...)
So yeah, you're pretty much free to do as you please as long as you stick to those parameters.
So now you are probably asking "What does the winner get?" and that is a very good question. Obviously this wouldn't be a contest if you all didn't have some incentive try and actually take part in it.
I will choose three entries out all those that participate for first, second, and third prize. Those three and all other top entries will be shown in a special chapter of Wake up. See this. What do? and be shown in a special video by me and Daedaltheus. There will also be a video for all other entries so yeah, we're not gonna leave you guys out.
So yeah, even though I don't have much, I am still gonna give something to the winners. The prizes for first, second and third place are.
First: - I will use your comments for a week no matter what they say or how much they may alter the story. - I will advertise all of your stories here on fimfiction (or if you don't have any you can name someone else you want me to advertise) or any work that you do. - Daedaltheus and I will read a fanfic of your choice, no matter what it is. (provided it is not too long, one shots or ones with one to five chapters are best. We are not about to read any other epics other than the one we are already reading)
Second: - I will use your comments for a week
Third: I will use your comments for three days out of the week.
Also I think it kind of goes without saying, but you all are only allowed use of one comment per chapter, so yeah no spamming comments, I won't use all of them.
So yeah, that is what you get. I hope its appeals to you guys.
Contest Ends April 30th
I've decided to extend the deadline for several reasons. Part of that being that I graduate shortly after that day and that way it can be a celebration for all of us. But yeah, also because I need that time to get some other things done.
Please submit your entries via a PM on this site. It works best for me that way. If you don't know an image embedding site, they're easy to find, just google "tinypic" its what I use.
If you need a reminder of what the characters in Wake up. See this. What do? look like. Here are a simple set of guidelines for each character.
Twilight Sparkle: 1.) Wearing the black, latex outfit she wore in the episode "It's About Time" 2.) Wearing an eye patch over one of her eyes 3.) Black bandanna 4.) Mane all frazzled (more like how it looked in the episode "Lesson Zero" rather than it did in "It's About Time") 5.) Carrying around a Katana (complete with a scabbard strapped around her midsection by a belt) 6.) Insanity turned up to 11
Applejack: 1.) Wearing a bandolier with many high caliber, machine gun, bullets on it (think rounds that would go in a minigun) 2.) The "Number 1" bandanna from Afro Samurai tied around her hat (see this reference video) 3.) Red marks on her cheeks, like those black marks football players put on their cheeks
Rarity: 1.) Pretty much the same as she usually does, but carrying a long, polearm (spear basically) made out of different color fabrics for the staff portion and scissor halves on each end for the blades.
Pinkie Pie: 1.) Pretty much as she normally appears, but wearing Dr. Frank N. Furter's outfit from The Rocky Horror Picture Show (see this reference video). 2.) Regular or straight hair (or Pinkamena hair as some of you refer to it as) doesn't matter, though she has her regular hair in the story, so yeah. 3.) This character's unofficial name is "Kinkamena Diane Pie" if you somehow want to incorporate that.
Fluttershy: 1.) Wielding a pair of ten inch knives (using her wings to hold them and to fight with them) 2.) Rage mode has been activated.
Braeburn: 1.) Wearing Eddie's outfit from The Rocky Horror Picture Show (see this reference video). 2.) Motorcycle option
Lyra and/or Bon Bon: 1.) As they normally appear, but smoking out of a bong, or just having a bong with them. 2.) In general just look stoned out of their minds.
Discord: 1.) Flying a hind helicopter (use your own discretion as to what that means for a drawing)
So yeah, go nuts.
So yeah, the first fanart contest for this story is open. Lets see what you can do. I hope there are some of you who actually do enter this contest. Please...
For Twilight: So, the track you're on currently gives you the feeling that the human is near. If he DID pass by here, isn't there some sort of spell that lets you see into the past (not completely, but just enough) and see past events in a localized/limited area? Maybe you can cast that and see what direction he went. and follow that path. there must be some sort of past-vision spell that will let you do this?
You've been walking through this forest for what seems like forever now, you're tired, kind of hungry, and extremely sorry for doing what you did, but you have to go on. You know the human is near, you just know it.
The thought crosses your mind to look into the past. If the human did pass through this trail, then you should be able to see which way he went that way. Unfortunately, the only spell that you know if that is even remotely similar to that is the time travel spell that you used to warn yourself about the future, and you're not about to do that now. Besides...
Not sure how much PP you have left after that freeze attack, so eat a PSI Caramel to regenerate 20 Psychic Points.
Doing that sort of spell requires a lot of magic to pull off, and you've exhausted most of yours during that last battle with Fluttershy. You have to admit, Fluttershy gave you a run for your money. You expected that from Rainbow Dash or Applejack, and you didn't really expect anything from Rarity until you fought her yourself, but Fluttershy...
That pony is just full of surprises sometimes. At least now she's safe back in her own little house far from you and far from any of the monstrosities that roam this forest.
You still have some magic left, but you'd prefer not to use it unless you really need to. Yet however, despite any of that, you don't feel as if you need a spell like that. Not at all...
Think... if you were a human about to be raped by a psycho unicorn with extremely powerful magic, where would you go?
Use the Swartz.
You feel as if somehow, your hooves know where to go. You're not even thinking of where you are going, you're just walking. Despite this being the Everfree Forest, despite all of Equestria being at stake, you are for once, not thinking. You feel as if... that you're hooves know where to go.
Maybe its fate... maybe destiny itself is guiding you. You know where to go.
-Meanwhile, in a cave not to far away-
For the human:.......ok, you're about to get training to defend yourself against magic (mostly hers) but think for a bit. Nearly every-pony that helped you has had (in one way or form) their asses handed to them by that crazy psycho bitch, so you piece together that her magic is stronger than the unicorn's that are currently in this room. you ask them if she is as powerful as she is, and say "what can you teach me that can actually work against her? if im right, then she's done far greater acts of magic than I've seen from either of you. What can you ponies do that can give me a one-up on her, an advantage that she can't fight against, what can you do that she CAN'T do, what, WHAT!!!!! she's a crazy bitch, and im out of options, if whatever you do to me doesn't work against HER, then I might as well just say "fuck it" and pull a stross (dead space 2 character) on myself. Im scared, im scared so much right now, I...I do- I don't know what to do anymore, im stuck, im out of ideas, im so scared, mom, dad, please........help." Its also at this point that all the grief caused by this pony just can't be contained anymore, all the fear, all the non-manly emotions you've been steadily bottling up can't be blocked anymore, so you decide to (if only this once) decide to not be a man, and just cry......go on, its ok, cry
Every noise that filled the cave suddenly went quiet as the human's knife hit the ground.
"What's wrong?" Lyra asked him, concerned.
"All these things you've shown me," the human responded to her.
"Yes," Lyra said back to him. Behind her, out by the tents, Bon Bon, Berry Punch, and Minuette were all sitting on a log that had been their bench for the time they had been here. The bong lay on the ground at Bon Bon's feet, and it was empty.
"Will they actually work?" The human asked Lyra as he turned to face her.
"Will what work?" Lyra asked back, a little confused.
"Everything," the human said as he walked around for a little bit before he turned back to face her. "Every pony that has tried to help me, including you, has in some way had their asses handed to them by that crazy psycho bitch!" The human practically screamed at her as he threw his right arm out. "What can you teach me that will actually work against her!?" The human said as he pointed to her, Lyra just looked back at him. "If I'm right," the human continued as he began to pace around the room. "She's done far greater acts of magic than I've seen from either of you." The human threw his gaze to Lyra, and then to Minuette as he said that. Minuette just stayed in her seat. "Shit, her friends have even told me she's the best magician in this whole god damned world. What can you ponies do that can give me a one up on her, an advantage that she can't fight against, what can you do that she CAN'T do, what, WHAT!!!!!" At this point, Lyra was beyond words. All she could do was just stand there and watch the human go on. "She's a crazy bitch, and I'm out of options, if whatever you do to me doesn't work against HER, then I might as well just say 'fuck it' and pull a Stross on myself." At that point, the human stopped pacing around and fell to his knees. "I'm scared, I'm scared so much right now, I...I do- I don't know what to do anymore, I'm stuck, I'm out of ideas, I'm so scared, mom, dad, please........help."
At this point, all the grief, fear, and non-manly emotions, that the human had been bottling up since he got here just couldn't be contained anymore. With no other outlet for his emotions, the human did the only thing he could do. He fell to the sandy floor of the cave, and began to cry.
He threw his hands over his face, curled up in the fetal position and began to cry. There was nothing else for him to do, there was nothing left. Not now.
Lyra, still unable to move, just stood there and watched the human cry for a few moments. Then she turned back to look at her three friends on the log bench. All of them had looks of confusion on their faces, none of them knew what to do. Lyra looked between them all for a moment before her eyes set on the one among them she cared the most about.
Bon Bon, while usually the one that Lyra would turn to for answers, this time she had none. She looked just as concerned and just as confused as the others did, as Lyra herself did. She did not know what to do.
The two of them held eye contact for several moments, which to them seemed like hours. While normally, this would have resulted in a battle for the ages, now there was only the same doubt and emptiness of ideas of what to do that she felt.
After a few more moments between them, Lyra pulled away from her marefriend's gaze and looked back towards the human, who was still crying on the floor. Lyra then looked back at Bon Bon as if she would have thought of the answer in the short moment that she had looked away, but still there was nothing there.
With nothing else to do, Lyra just let out a sigh and turned her attention back over to the human. She then started to walk towards him. She really had no idea what to do, but she knew she had to do something. The human didn't even move as she approached him. She stood over him watching him for several seconds before she knelt down next to him.
"There there," she said to him. "It's okay, it's okay." She had no idea why she was speaking to him like a child, it just seemed right. The human didn't respond to her at all, he just kept on crying. In response, she inched close to him and put her hoof around his next, as if to comfort him. "It's okay..." she said to him as the human kept on crying. Still, he gave her no response, though he made no effort to push her away. Lyra thought about what she said for a moment as she held him 'I guess it really isn't okay, is it?' she let out another sigh as she finished that thought. "You're right you know," she said to the human. "I'm no magician really. I just a musician who plays a lyre." The human still didn't respond to her. "I'm no Twilight Sparkle. I couldn't do the things she's done or defeat the things she has. I'm just another unicorn. I just..." she looked back down at the human's crying face before she said anything else. "I just wanted to make you feel safe." Back on the log, Bon Bon sat there watching Lyra. She couldn't hear everything she was saying, but she could get the gist of it from where she was. "I just thought if..." Tears were beginning to flow from Lyra's eyes as she spoke. "I just thought that if I... If I helped you hide from her... if I showed you what I could... if I gave you that knife," she said as she motioned over back towards the knife, which still lay on the ground. "Then I could at least do something for you. Something for the first human I've ever met. Something to make you feel safe. Something... so that you wouldn't have to be afraid." At that point, Lyra couldn't take it anymore. She leaned her face in closer to the human's, and like him, broke down crying. "I just didn't want you to be afraid. I'm sorry. I just... I..." her words quickly became incoherent as she let out tears.
At this point, Bon Bon couldn't take it anymore. She hopped off the log and made her way over to her marefriend, hopping right over the bong at her feet as she did. She walked on over to Lyra and threw her hooves around her marefriend. Lyra didn't look at her or acknowledge her embrace, she just kept on crying with the human. Bon Bon didn't care though, all she cared about was that she knew that right now they needed them, as she was there for them.
Berry Punch and Minuette just looked at each other for a moment before their eyes moved back to the scene in front of them.
-Meanwhile, back outside in the forest-
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. It's time to set some bait to draw him out. What do male humans like? Video games? Currency? Female humans? Aha! Time to disguise yourself as a very attractive female human carrying video games and a large amount of money.
Your mind starts to wander as your hooves carry you through the forest. You get the idea to set some bait to draw him out once you find where the human is hiding. After all, you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Unfortunately, you really don't know much about what humans like, and even if you did you have nothing much on you right now.
You get the idea to transform yourself into a human female to lure him out. You should have enough magic for that. However, you actually have no idea what a human female even looks like, much less what an attractive one would look like. Hell, you barely knew what a human male would look like until you brought this one here. Sure you had some rough diagrams, but none of them had any definite details. Plus, there is the chance that with your lack of knowledge you could transform into something completely hideous to him, which would cause him to run away again, something you absolutely don't want.
somewhere in the forest, you hear the thumping footstep's of what can only be something monstrously huge coming towards you (take your pick on who this is for i don't really care)
Your thoughts are suddenly interrupted by the sound of thumping footsteps. Judging by the sound, they can only belong to something that is monstrously huge, and it's coming right towards you.
It doesn't take long at all for a manticore to burst through the trees and roar right at you.
"RRR.... I don't have time for this!!!" You shout as you focus your magic and conjure up an immense amount of fire. Within moments, a flaming apparition of yourself stands before the manticore. With the apparition being twice the height of the manticore and completely made of fire, the manticore's primal and instinctual fear of fire causes it to turn its tail and run in the direction it came from.
You let out a breath of air as you let the flaming apparition of yourself die down. As it does however, your gaze veers left a little, and you see something.
With the little remaining light from the flames, you see it. You see the side of the mountain, but that's not all you see.
"Fluttershy, have yo-!" Spike shouted as he, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rairty, and Pinkie Pie burst through the door of Fluttershy's cottage. The sight that beheld them in her living room kind of made them all freeze in place. An apt comparison since what they saw was Fluttershy frozen in a giant block of ice standing in the middle of her living room.
"By Celestia's milky white coat," Rarity said as she walked closer to it, concerned for her friend. "What could have happened here?"
"You're guess is as good as mine," Applejack said with just as much concern in her voice as Rarity as she walked around the frozen Fluttershy.
Spike looked as well for a few moments before she shoved the box he was carrying towards Rainbow Dash, who happened to be standing next to him. Rainbow Dash just took it under her wing as Spike walked closer to Flutershy.
"Rarity," Spike said without even looking at her. "Could you put a barrier around me and Fluttershy?"
"What!?" Rarity said, somewhat shocked by the request. "But Spikey..."
"Just do it," Spike said as he walked up to Fluttershy and put his hand on her, feeling the ice. Rarity just looked to all the others, who in turn all just looked back at her. With some hesitation, she filled her horn with magic, and created a protectional barrier around both Spike and the frozen Fluttershy. She even cast it on the floor, for if Spike was going to do what she thought he was, then she definitely did not want it damaged.
With the barrier set up, Spike took in a deep breath, and then when he exhaled, a sudden burst of green flames filled up the inside of the barrier. The other ponies just stood there amazed. Had the barrier not been there, they all probably would have been incinerated as well.
After a few seconds, the flames died down as quickly as they appeared, and a now not frozen Fluttershy stood there wobbling back and forth inside the barrier.
everypony do the flop
Right on cue as Rarity dispelled the barrier, Fluttershy dropped the knives she held in his wings and fell over in a daze. Spike and every pony there rushed to her aid and held her up before she hit the ground.
"Woah woah woah..." Applejack said as she held Fluttershy up, Spike on the other side of her, Rainbow Dash with Applejack, and Rarity and Pinkie Pie just stood in front of her. "Ya'll okay sugarcube?" Applejack asked her after a few seconds.
*Fluttershy thaws out*
Twilight: Kneel before Zod!
Fluttershy: I was frozen today!
"I was frozen today," Fluttershy replied in a weak voice as her head kept spinning. A look of relief came across everypony's faces as well as Spike's as they heard her speak.
"I'll get you some water," Rarity said as she dashed off towards the kitchen. Applejack, Spike and Rainbow Dash slowly stepped away from Fluttershy as she stopped spinning. She seemed to be okay enough to stand, though was still wobbly.
Applejack walked around her, picked up the two knives she had and set them on her table. Spike just walked back over to Rainbow Dash, who gave him back the box before the two of them stood next to Pinkie.
"How'd you get frozen today?" Pinkie asked Fluttershy in her usual bubblegummy voice. Even though her voice may not have shown it, she really was just as concerned for her friend as the others were.
"Well... I..." Fluttershy began to say as she brought her right hoof to her head.
"Fluttershy," Spike said as he stepped forward. "This is very important. Was Twilight here?" At that, Fluttershy seemed to stop wobbling and snapped back to attention.
"Twilight..." Fluttershy suddenly said right as Rarity ran back into the room with a glass of water. Without saying anything, Fluttershy took it from her and began to chug it.
"Fluttershy," Spike said. "Do you know where she is?"
"Yeah, she's totally gone coocoo for chocobo-puffs right now," Rainbow Dash said.
"We need to stop 'er before she-" Applejack began to say before Fluttershy cut her off.
"It's okay," Fluttershy said as she finished her glass of water. She stood there for several moments before she looked back at all of them. The look in her eyes was one that was filled with all kinds of intent. "I know where she's going."
-Meanwhile, back in the forest right in front of the giant rock-
You just stand there in awe of the giant rock that's in front of you. You honest to Celestia can't believe what you're seeing. A giant rock. It's a rock and it's giant. It's so Celestia damn giant. It's so friggin damn giant, and a rock. It's a giant rock.
You really just can't believe just how giant this rock-
Celestia can't help you, but you can try summoning discord he allways loves chaos. Too many ideas in your head. it feels like you're going mad...er. Suddenly Sombra appears and yells "Get on with it". you look at him with frown, but he just smiles. suddenly I.Pinkie appears with couple of speakers with her. you look at them and suddenly almost 300 voices yell "GET ON WITH IT" (Some of them sound strangely familiar). You're in daze after this noise attack and won't notice how the clouds part. Giant alicorn appears and looks down at you. suddenly she says with sweet voice: "yes, Get on with it already" you search the sudden voice and turn to look up. your eyes widen and You just look at her with your mouth agape. words have left you, but at least all those voices have been silenced.
"Get on with it," Ghost Sombra suddenly says as he appears to your left.
"Yes, get on with it," your inner Rainbow Dash says to you as she appears to your right.
"GET ON WITH IT!!!!!" You suddenly hear about 300 different voices yell, all of which sound very similar to each other. You look to your right to see your inner Pinkie Pie floating next to Ghost Sombra with what appear to be about 300 different sets of speakers floating behind her.
You then look up to the sky as a sort of light starts shining on you from above. Suddenly, from out of nowhere in the night sky, two rather large clouds begin to part, revealing a giant, white coated, red maned alicorn sitting on another cloud behind them.
"Yes, get on with it already," the giant alicorn says to you in a rather soothing voice that doesn't sound anything like Celestia's. The moment she finished saying that, the clouds close back up and the light disappears.
At this point, words have left you. They've left you completely, but at least all the other voices in your head have been silenced.
You take a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor and let your eyes return to their original size before you return your attention back to the giant rock.
You guess you should probably get on with it.
You should have enough magic left in you to move this giant rock. Simple levitation isn't that hard.
You focus what magic you can into your horn, and within moments the giant rock starts to glow with a magenta aura. By Celestia it's heavy, heavier than you though. You feed more magic into your horn, still nothing. Still more. The human is behind this rock, you know he is. You can't explain why but you just know. Maybe its the swartz, whatever in tartarus that is. You cannot give up now.
Suddenly, a loud rumbling noise began to fill the cave. The four ponies inside and the human's ears perked up as they heard it. They knew that it could only mean one of two things. Either there was a massive earthquake, or someone, or rather somepony, was moving the rock at the entrance.
As this noise bombarded the human's ears, he quickly pushed Lyra away from him and stood back up on his feet. He then looked towards the entrance with a horrified look on his face. The tears were now gone, but the fear remained. Lyra and Bon Bon looked there with him for a moment before their gazes turned back to him. The look on his face was one of absolute horror.
Berry Punch and Minuette just stayed where they were on the log couch and didn't move.
"What are you going to do?" Bon Bon asked the human as she looked up at him. The human's attention snapped away from the entrance back down to her. He didn't say anything, he just looked at her. After a moment, he looked to Lyra, who just remained silent. He then loooked over to Berry Punch and Minuette, who stayed perfectly still where they were. He then looked back at the entrance to the cave, then all around the cave. He saw the tends, the few little trees, and the stream that ran through it. The stream ran through little crevices in the rocks, far to small for anything to fit through. That meant that there was only one way out of here.
"There isn't anywhere left for me to run, is there?" he asked. At that, Lyra just shook her head, her eyes still had the beginnings of tears in them. Bon Bon remained still.
At that, the human looked between them and back at the entrance to the cave for several more moments. After looking through every possible alternative again, there really only was one option left he could take. He didn't want to, but he had to. There was no other way out of this.
(Seriously, listen to that song as you read the rest of this chapter, it will make the next few moments all the more epic)
The more the human though it out, the more his mind only reached the one same conclusion. There was no other way.
After a few moments, the human took in one last deep breath, and upon exhaling it all his grief, his fear, and any and all emotions he seemed to feel, left with it. He was calm. As calm as he had ever been.
He walked past Lyra and Bon Bon, who parted away from each other for him as he walked past. He then reached down and picked up his knife. The knife made out of orichalcum that Lyra had given him. He picked it up and held it close to him. He saw his own reflection in it. His eyes were red, red from all the tears, red from his own fear. The longer he looked at it, the more he came to realize something.
'What am I running from?' he thought to himself as he looked at his reflection.
Lyra and Bon Bon just watched him with a looks of grave concern as he stared at himself in the knife.
After a few moments, the human pulled the knife away from his face, and the look on it changed. His face no longer held a look of sadness, grief, or fear. Instead, there was one of determination, and resolve.
He then wiped all the remaining sand from the knife and, with it in his hand, he began to walk towards the entrance. He didn't look back, he didn't stop, he didn't even slow down, he just kept walking.
Lyra, Bon Bon, Berry Punch, and Minuette all just watch him go. They knew the look on his face, it was the look of one who resigned themselves to their fate. While they all knew that it would come to this eventually, it was still hard for them to watch.
Eventually it became too much for Lyra.
"Wait!" Lyra shouted as she ran over towards him. At the sound of her voice, the human stopped and turned back around. Lyra ran right up to the human and stopped right in front of him. "I'm sorry," Lyra said to him, the tears in her eyes returning. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry I-"
"Hey, hey," the human said in a gentle tone as he bent down on one knee so that he was eye level with her. "It's okay." The human said to her as he looked into her eyes. He seemed almost... happy. "You did what you could." The human was silent for a few moments before he spoke again. "You did what you could. You helped me. You helped me when no one else would. Even after Twilight found out I was with you, you still came back for me. So it's okay." The human put his right arm on her should as he said that. "Thank you. Thank you for what you did. I know we didn't really know each other long, but for what it's worth..." The human paused for a moment again. Lyra tried her best to hold back the tears in her eyes. "You've been a good friend Lyra."
At that, the dam that held back Lyra's tears broke. She threw her hooves around the human's neck, pulled him close, buried her head into his shoulders, and started crying. The human returned her embraced as he threw his arms around her.
Bon Bon trotted over and stopped right in front of them.
"It's okay Lyra, it's okay," the human said to her. "I'm not afraid anymore." At that, Lyra pulled back from him, her eyes were still red with tears.
"Promise..." Lyra tried to say before she sniffled a little bit due to the tears. "Just promise me you won't get hurt to bad."
"I won't," the human said to her as he stood back up. "Don't you worry about me." At that, the human turned his attention over to Bon Bon. "Thank you Bon Bon," he said to her. "Thank you for everything." As the human said those last words, he turned back around and began to walk back towards the entrance to the cave again.
Lyra was still trying to hold back more tears, but found that she couldn't. Bon Bon just walked over and put a hoof around her neck. It was the least she could do for her marefriend now. As she watched the human leave the cave, she quickly found tears coming to her eyes as well.
"Do you think he'll be okay?" Minuette asked Berry Punch, who sat next to her on the log bench,
"I hope so," Berry Punch replied. "He's really a good guy. I'd hate for anything bad to happen to him now." Berry Punch then let out a sigh. "I really do feel sorry for him. He's too much of a nice guy to go through all this."
"Yeah," Minuette said as she threw a hoof over Berry Punch's neck. "Yeah he really is."
From there, Lyra, Bon Bon, Berry Punch, and Minuette all watched the human as he walked away from them back towards the entrance to the cave.
-Meanwhile, back outside-
You've given it everything you can offer right now, but the rock is finally moving. You push the rock over to the left, away from what you know is behind it. Surely enough, you see the entrance of a cave behind it. Yes, you knew it. You don't know how, but you knew it.
As you move the rock further, you see something else.
Standing at the entrance to the cave, just behind the rock, as real as the day you brought him here, is the human. He's standing there at the entrance to the cave with a look on his face that you know is the epitome of "I have had enough of this bulls***!"
He is wearing the farm clothes that you know he got from Apple family and he looks like hell. Also, in his right hand is a knife. A rather large bowie knife. He came prepared this time.
You finish moving the rock after its far enough to the left and just stand there looking at him. You've imagined this moment, for so long... since you've started this, and now he is here in front of you. You have found the human.
You can feel yourself begin to smile as you take in the sight of him. He's really put you through a lot of trouble, you can really feel your smile stretch the edges of your lips, but now he is yours, all yours, and there is nothing anything or anypony can do about it now.
Nyarthlotep will be stopped now.
-PERSPECTIVE SWITCH-
You stand at the entrance of the cave you've been hiding in with Lyra, Bon Bon, and their friends Berry Punch and Minuette for the past few days now. In front of you, is the insane purple unicorn Twilight Sparkle. In your hand is the orichalcum knife that Lyra gave you.
You watch as a wicked grin spreads itself across Twilight's face as she stands there looking at you.
You just grip the knife tighter as you stand there across from her. You are done running. You are not afraid anymore.
Ladies, gentlemen, bronies, pegasisters, I am, with so much regret, sorry to inform you all that due to a series of unfortunate events.... that Wake up. See this. What do? is....
CANCELED FOREVER!!!!
APRIL FOOLS!!!
Lolz just kidding. I would never do that to you guys. I'm not that cruel. If I am going to make this story end, then it is going to go out WITH A BANG!!! (yes, just like that).
But yeah. Because I only have one month left until I graduate from university (WOOHOO!!!), I have a lot of projects coming up that are due at the end of the month. It is a time that my parents have always referred to as "crunch time." So yeah... I will still give regular updates, but I do reserve the right to take a day or two off if I need to in order to finish my senior projects (I have about four different ones). If nothing else is in my way however, then there will be regular daily updates.
So yeah, now that that is out of the way, lets get part 2 started.
Part 2
change you inner holmes for rocky
Theres no turning back, For this fight you will need to channel the 2 best swordsmen that have ever existed ever...... Vergil from DMC and Ryu Hyabusa from Ninja Gaiden. The epitome of swordsmen baddasery.
How about channeling your inner David Carradine?
Or maybe your inner Jason Bourne?
swithch out Sherlock homes with a Bezerker of Khorne the warp will protect you!
You switch Snake and the other guy for Sephiroth and Kratos. Due to the insane amounts of magic flowing Iinto that part of the Everfree at that particular moment in arcane meteorology, you actually begin channeling their powers.
You and Twilight are held totally speechless for about thirty seconds, completely confused.
Then Twilight generates two magic knives and the battle begins.
Unfortunately, you are in active mode right now, so you cannot switch out inner fictional characters. You have to be in passive mode in order to do that.
Remember, passive mode is when you are in a relaxed, at rest state. When you are not fighting, running, or doing anything physical. Basically, you cannot be in combat of any kind, and staring down an opponent counts as being in combat, which means active mode. So no switching out characters right now.
Activate Holmes mode: First, she must to the risky movement of getting close to her. From what we've seen of her magic, it is based on sight. First, blind her causing you moment of quick freedom. Next, send sharp blow to her horn as to deactivate the meddling of the magic. Afterward, if successful, use body wear, expand it and pin to ground and finally if done, put katana do neck to. stop any other problems.
With your inner Sherlock, you can see the bruises and scratches on her face and her panting breaths, she's recently been in a fight. Her eye is bloodshot red and she is wobbly. Only through sheer force of will and adrenaline is she standing up. She will still be tough to bring down, even at her weakest, crazy is crazy after all. With your inner Solid Snake, you thinks she looks a lot like Raiden, and that the sword she carries will be a problem...At first. Your Inner Sherlock tells you that your metal is more superior by it's color, weight, and how it's basically a light saber when compared to what you know of ninja swords from Kung Fu Films. You have a chance in this fight. You look into her eyes, and give her a smile of your own. It's just you and her, mono y mono, one of you is going down right now, and you're going to give her your all. You channel your inner Bruce Campbell as you hold out your hand as if beckoning to her as you say in the most masculine voice you can: COME GET SOME
So.......this is it, the final fight, you Vs. the crazy psycho bitch known as twilight. Tensions are high, the air is at a mix between dry heat and misty cold, its as if this one moment is letting you see what you couldn't see before. You can see the leaves in a somewhat greater detail fluttering in the wind, you can see the breeze blowing in the air, you can see the breath that expels itself from your body......this is truly your final chance.
You decide to use your Sherlock Holmes to analyze the situation. You find that twilight is in another outfit altogether that suspiciously looks like raiden from before he went full cyborg, complete with the electric katana saber...thing. On top of that, she looks winded, as if she's been in a great amount of fights and expelled a bit too much energy, though you truly don't know if she's THAT winded, you can only hope. You then decide (even if this only gives you 5, maybe 10 seconds of reprieve to plan some maneuvers) to ask her some questions and HOPE TO ALL CHUCK NORRIS GOD that she answers them. Starting with: "why are you chasing me specifically" "what's up with that outfit of yours, couldn't pick out a more badass'er one?" "WHO WAS PHONE?!" and finally "if you're going to subdue me, at least truly answer my question in what you need me for specifically, I mean I AM sorry that I literally ripped a page from one of the books you owned, but come on. You tear me from home as I was in the middle of achieving the perfect veg out state, you try to force yourself on me for god knows what (at this point, your voice steadily rises in pitch and tone), I try to get some help and you pretty much tear that help away from me, and you never, not EVEN ONCE (until this final bit), DECIDE TO TAKE MY THOUGHTS INTO CONSIDERATION!!?!!.........unless you have a very good reason besides [im going to rape you and make babes], then I'll have to do something completely m night shyamalan-grimdark worthy" if she doesn't give you the answers you want after THIS point, then switch out your inner Sherlock Holmes for Master Chief (you'll definitely need the luck he has with situations like this....but with covenant, flood and Prometheans ) and your inner solid snake for Ryu Hayabusa
your inner sherlock tells you that the last thing that you need is to be the defensive because that happens, then you have a better chance of leaving an event horizon than getting out of this. some one like this is more than likely gonna be packing and you DO NOT want her to prepare any thing to get you.
DON'T GIVE HER A CHANCE TO ATTACK!!!!!!.
Use your inner Sherlock Holmes to deduce that the crazy-unicorn-rapist-bitch channels her magic through her horn and decide that it would be a good target to hit. A good rock should stop the magical flow or maybe the butt of the bowie knife if you get close enough. Either way, if her horn is hit hard enough, it should disrupt her magic... And because she has a horn mean she is always horny? I'm sorry, I had to throw in a pun.
That is not to say that the inner fictional characters you are currently channeling aren't useless. After all, you chose them for a reason. Just look at the badasses Solid Snake has taken down, Foxhound, the Cobra Unit (technically that was Big Boss but you still count it), his brother Liquid Snake, and Sherlock Holmes is Sherlock Holmes, nuff said.
In the short moment that you've been staring her down, your inner Sherlock Holmes gets in and begins to analyze the situation.
The first thing you notice is that clearly she has been through a recent battle. She looks like hell, to say the least. Cuts and bruises are all over her body, and you notice a pretty nasty cut on her torso right between her forelegs. It doesn't look that deep, but it's still a nasty cut, probably from a knife, couldn't have been from a tree, hence the fight. Also, the one eye that you can see that isn't covered by an eye patch is red and bloodshot and she seems a little wobbly, meaning that its probably only through sheer force of adrenaline that she's standing up.
She'll still be difficult to take down though. After all, crazy is still crazy no matter how tired it is. Plus, you're not entirely sure just how winded she really is. She could still be fine enough to take you on.
You inner Solid Snake then kicks in and you notice that she looks somewhat like Raiden from MGS2 before he became a cyborg. So pansy Raiden then.
You kick him out of your mind for a moment and go back to channeling Sherlock.
Still, your time with Snake led you to notice the sword she's carrying. Regardless of how winded she is, that sword will still be a threat, and its currently sheathed so you cannot see if it has any sort of enchantment on it. You're not entirely sure about the properties of oricalcum, but from what you've gathered, you know its stronger than most metals, so you should be okay. Just as long as you don't have to deal with any magic on the sword.
Which brings you nicely to your next point. From your time training with Lyra (you can't really call it training per se, but it did help), you've picked up a few things about how magic in this world works. Your inner Sherlock was always on, so you've seen a few things watching her and Minuette do it. First off, only unicorns can use it, since they have a horn. Which brings you to your next point, that magic seems entirely focused on the horn, which means that if it were either incapacitated or removed, then she wouldn't be able to use magic anymore.
A good blow to the horn via a rock or the butt of your knife should do the trick, the only problem would be getting that close.
Also you've never brought this up to Lyra, but you've noticed that the glow comes up when she uses magic is the same color as her eyes, it was the same with Minuette. That in turn, leads you to believe that magic must be somehow based on sight. That means that she has to see something in order to grab it with her magic.
All this leads you to one conclusion about what your battle plan should be for this fight. Do not stand still.
You cannot go on the defensive cause you don't know what she will throw at you, magic or otherwise, and since she needs to see you in order for her magic to work, then if you can avoid her then you should be fine. Basically, you do not want to give her the chance to attack. Going on the offensive would work best right now, especially since she is winded and potentially wounded and you won't get a better chance. Yet, something also tells you that simply rushing in right now is a bad idea.
Still, she hasn't attacked you yet. She's still just staring down you as much as you are her. What you fail to realize is that you made all those deductions in about a second, much like Sherlock himself would, so not much time has passed at all.
In your mind you remember Solid Snake's words to you: "YOU'LL NEVER BE AS COOL AS ME MOTHERBUCKER!!!"
Now is the time to PROVE. HIM. WRONG!!!!!
As you stare into her eye, your mind wanders for a second and suddenly you remember the words Solid Snake spoke to you when you saw him in the hind helicopter with Jesus and that dragon thing earlier (God that even sounds stupid in your head).
"YOU'LL NEVER BE AS COOL AS ME MOTHERBUCKER!!!"
Now, its time for you to prove him wrong. Suddenly, you get an idea. It's damn crazy, but it just might work. All you need to do is stall for a few moments.
Solid Snake, Discord, and Black Jesus show up in the hind to watch the epic fight. also battle for the ages
Neither you or Twilight notice this, but up on the sky, off some distance away so that neither of you hear it, a hind helicopter suddenly shows up and stops where it is to watch what is to come.
Since neither of you pay attention, you simply keep staring down Twilight.
Now that the final battle is about to begin, it's about time we tie up a few loose ends, if only to keep readers waiting for a little while longer.
Ask her just why IS she trying to rape you?
"Why are you chasing me?" you ask her. "What the fuck do you want with me anyway?" She doesn't answer you, though you notice her smile drop as those words hit her ears. You want to ask her about her outfit, but then you remember that you really don't care right now. "Look," you continue. "If you're going to subdue me, then at least answer my question in what you need me for specifically, I mean I AM sorry that I literally ripped a page from one of the books you owned, but come on. You tear me from home while I was of sleeping, you try to force yourself on me for god knows what, I try to get some help and you pretty much tear that help away from me, and you never, not EVEN ONCE! DECIDE TO TAKE MY THOUGHTS INTO CONSIDERATION!!?!!......... Unless you have a very good reason besides 'I'm going to rape you and make babes,' then I'll have to do something completely m night shyamalan-grimdark worthy."
You see a look of confusion hit her face as she just stares back at you.
"Look," she responds after a few second. "I'm sorry about all that, but I don't have time to explain. Right now I need you." She said that last bit like she really meant it, she even stressed the word 'you' a lot. "I need you to mate with me right now. All of this world is at stake and I need you."
Just as you though, she does really need you alive. Now you know that your plan just might work. God you hope Lyra and Bon Bon aren't watching you right now, you don't think their hearts would be able to take what you are about to do.
Determine that whatever Twilight wants you for, she needs you alive. Put your knife to your own throat and tell her that, whatever it is, she better explain it to you and have it happen on your terms, or you slit your own throat, and then she'll be screwed.
...try to wait until there are enough witnesses around to make that an effective strategy before doing this.
"All right then," you say to the crazy purple unicorn. "If that's how it is." The moment those words leave your mouth, you bring up your knife and hold it at your own throat.
You see the purple unicorn's eyes go wide and a look of absolute horror come across her face as you do that.
You also notice her horn glow a little, but you press the knife closer to your throat and point your left index finger at her.
Pull your best god damned fricken emotionless face and stare at twilight. THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY STYLE!
"No!" you say to her as you notice the glow in her horn die down. "No magic. No magic, no sudden moves of any kind. If you move from that spot, I swear to god I'll do it." You watch as the horror on her face increases. "Don't think I won't." You say to her as you press the knife closer, but not by much. As you are doing this you put on your best god damned fricken emotionless face. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly style. It's too bad you're not channeling Clint Eastwood right now, he could really make this work better. Still, you do a good job.
"PLEASE DON'T!" She screams at you. It appears to be working. "PLEASE DON'T DO IT! I NEED YOU TO BE ALIVE SO YOU CAN MATE WITH ME! ALL OF EQUES-" She's about to scream some more, but you simply hold up your hand and shut her up. She stops talking and shuts up the moment she sees it.
"If you're going to take me away," you say to her with all seriousness as you begin to slowly walk towards her. "Then it's going to be on my terms." You watch as Twilight simply stands there in a horrified silence as you walk towards her. You're almost up close to her. "How about it Twilight?" you say to her in the most masculine and serious voice you can possibly muster up. As you say that, you close the distance between you and are now standing in front of her. "Well, what's it gonna be Twilight?" you say. "What's it gonna be Twilight? What's it gonna F***ING BE!!!???"
"Uhh.... I... Uhh..." are the only words that come out of her mouth. You have to admit you're quite surprised, you've legitimately managed to terrify her right now.
Then you see her blink.
channel holmes kick up a dust cloud to blind her then kick her forelegs knocking her down she will fire a spell dodge or prary it away then she'll take a swipe with her katana block it, then switch snake for captin falcon and FALCON PUUUUUNNCH!!!!!!
Now is your chance! You channel both Solid Snake and Sherlock Holmes for this (yes, you can channel the two at once), you're going to need them. With the distance between you closed, you kick up a dust cloud and knock some right in Twilight's eyes.
"AHH!!!" she screams aloud as she doubles back a bit. Now is your real chance.
You quickly move forward, take your knife away from your throat and knock Twilight right in her horn with the butt of it.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Twilight screams even louder this time. You're guessing that must have really hurt, she's screaming about as much as you would if you got hit in the groin. A unicorn's horn must be sensitive somehow. You make a note of that for future reference.
Still, you're not about to stop now. You quickly get low and swing your legs under her. With her forehooves at her eyes and her horn, you kick her rear legs, knocking her down to the ground.
You get back up and move away just as Twilight hits the ground. You look down at her as she lays there. She's on the ground writhing in pain. You can't believe it, you've done it. You've incapacitated Twilight. Still, you're not done yet, and you don't want to guess how long she'll be laying there.
Human: Throw rocks at her from behind cover.
Hit Twilight's horn to temporarily disable her magic.
Climb up a tree to hide, wait for Twilight to pass under you, then jump down onto her back and restrain her.
You quickly bend down and grab a rock at your feet. You'll need it in case she gets back up again so you can throw it at your horn.
You then notice her start to get back up. You quickly pull your arm back to throw the rock at her. You then plan to duck behind one of the nearby trees and keep this up. One she's down, you can take it from there.
Right as you are about to throw the rock however, something... well unexpected happens.
"NOW!!!" A voice you don't quite recognize suddenly shouts. Suddenly, as it from all the corners of the forest, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, the pink pony from the bakery, and Fluttershy all jump out and tackle Twilight back to the ground.
"NO NO NO!!! LET ME GO!!!" Twilight yells at all of them as she opens back up her eyes. You then see her horn start to glow again. You contemplate throwing the rock.
Right before she can do anything with her magic however, a small... incredibly small... lizard... thing. It's about half the size of the ponies, and you're not sure why but you're going to assume its a dragon. Anyway, it jumps on Twilight's back and grabs her by her neck with its left arm. Yes, it had arms, and hands.
The dragon then pulled out a rather long wooden box, tore the top off of it and threw it aside. He then pulled a long, black, cone like thing with what you guess are some sort of grey runes etched into it. Either way, he slammed the thing down on Twilight's horn and wrapped some kind of strap around her head to go with it.
"SPIKE!!!" Twilight shouted at the little dragon as he did this. "STOP IT RIGHT-"
"Now Rarity!" The little dragon yelled as it jumped off Twilight's back. The dragon's voice is the same as the one you heard shout earlier.
Then suddenly, Twilight is enveloped in a blue glow. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, the pink pony, and Fluttershy all get off of her as she is. Then suddenly, Twilight is lifted into the air as a straight jacket floats in from out of nowhere right in front of her. Twilight doesn't appear to be fighting back, so you're guess that that black cone thing on her horn must somehow prevent her from using magic.
"NO!! STOP ALL OF YOU!!! I NEED TO-" she keeps screaming, but for now you choose to ignore it. The straight jacket then forces itself onto Twilight and wraps her up seemingly on its own. You then look to your right to notice Rarity walking on the scene, her horn glowing the same blue she always had. Once Twilight seems to have been securely fastened in the straight jacket, the blue glow around both her and it disappears and she falls back to the ground.
"NO!! LET ME-" She starts thrashing around on the ground for a few moments before Applejack and Fluttershy get back on top of her and pin her to the ground. You then watch somewhat horrified as Fluttershy holds a ten inch knife to Twilight's throat.
"Don't even think about it sugarcube," Applejack says to Twilight as she keeps her to the ground.
Time to act casual..
At this point you're kind of confused. You let the rock fall from your hands as you just stand there casually. Your knife is still in your other hand though.
You don't really want to go back into the cave either. Doing so would seem pointless after all you went through mentally just to make yourself come out here.
All this runing, training, fear of being raped by little purple pony. when the epic fight is about to begin some god damn dragon and group of ponies comes out of nowhere and take her down.
Your chuckling has transformed to full laugh. all the ponies are watching you in concern except the pink one is laughing with you.
They took her down, but not because they wanted to save you. they want you just like Twilight.
Your laughing stops and paranoia sets in.
Next they are going to put you in straight jacket and then-.
You can feel cold sweat starting to drip.
"Hey are ya all right? did she hurt ya?"
You didn't notice, but Applejack had come near you. When you notice her being so close, your eyes widen and small scream leaves your mouth.
"stay back! all of you! I'm not going to get raped! not today, not ever!"
All of them stop and look at you with wide eyes.
Now they are distracted
You start running towarads the way they came.
You're still trying to process what in the name of all that is holy just happened. You were just about to go apesh*t and take out Twilight when suddenly these five other ponies, all of whom you recognize, and one kind of large lizard thing (you still think it's a baby dragon for whatever reason) came out of friggin nowhere and took her down, disabled her magic, and put her in a straight jacket, and now Fluttershy and Applejack are on top of her pinning her to the ground. Fluttershy even has a knife to Twilight's throat.
The more your mind continues to process this, the more you start to realize just how incredibly silly this whole situation is. Here you are, in another world, attempting to run away from an insane purple unicorn who is hell bent on raping you for whatever reason, and now you just got saved from her by five other ponies and one baby dragon. It's all too much at this point, and you do the only thing your rational mind can do at this point.
You start chuckling to yourself.
It all seems just so silly now. All the running, Lyra's training (if you can even call it that) and all the fear of being Twilight's sex slave... And then when you finally pulled yourself together and worked up the guts to go and confront her yourself, five ponies and a god damned dragon come out of nowhere and take her down for you.
As all this runs through your mind again, your chuckling transforms into full on laughter. Them moment you start to laugh, all the other ponies there turn their attention towards you. They all look at you with a mixture of concern and confusion. Well, all of them do except for the pink one, who is laughing with you. You don't pay much attention to that however.
Then suddenly, you realize something (god if you had a dollar for every time you get any kind of realization you'd be rich by this point), three of these ponies (well, one really, you're not sure about Fluttershy and the pink one just sang a song from The Rocky Horror Picture Show before another pony showed up and drove through her wall on a motorcycle, so you don't know what to think about her) tried to have their way with you as well. If they are here too, then....
...
...
"LOVE MONKEY!!!!" Your thoughts are interrupted by Rarity jumping up at you and tacking you to the ground. She throws her hooves around your neck in a tight hug as you hit the ground. "I was so worried about you. I really really really was." She says to you in an attempt to sound as sweet as possible with that fake french accent of hers.
Stay hidden for now as the heat spell is still in effect and you don't want to deal with that right now, instead just watch as the others handle the crazed mare.
This really, shouldn't be happening. The effects of the heat spell should be gone by now. Lyra said it would be gone in a few days, and it's definitely been a few days since you got here, she even checked for you. In fact...
-Flashback - Earlier that day-
You stand over by one of the trees perfectly still as a magical scanning beam... of sorts... comes out from Lyra's horn and begins to pass over you. After about three swipes through you, it disappears and she looks up at you smiling.
"Well, congratulations," she says to you. "You are now completely heat free."
"So the heat spell is gone?" you ask her just so you can be clear.
"Yes, the effects of the heat spell have worn off completely, so you shouldn't have to worry about any mares going crazy over you any more."
"You sure?" you ask her again, not entirely convinced.
"Of course, in fact..." Lyra replies as she rubs her chin with her hoof. "Hey, Bon Bon!" She then turns and calls out to her marefriend. After a few moments, Bon Bon walks up right next to Lyra.
"Okay," Bon Bon said after she finished contemplating Lyra's request. She then walked right up to you, which due to her height was right at chest level with you, and starts sniffing you. You stand there for a moment and just let her do her thing. She stands in front of you for a few moments, then she circles around you and keeps sniffing.
"Well..." Lyra asks her as she gets back in front of you again.
"Well I don't know about you," Bon Bon began to say. "But you smell like you desperately need a shower." While under normal circumstances you would be a little insulted by such a comment, now it comes as the best thing you've heard since you got here. Well, almost. You don't smell of heat anymore, that's one problem taken care of.
"YES!" Lyra shouts out in triumph. You're not sure why the triumph is necessary for this. "Told ya you don't smell of heat."
Bon Bon's words do stay with you for a moment though. She's right you know. You really do need a shower.
-Back to the present-
Since you are now in passive mode, channel your inner Daemon Prince and prepare to fight should the spell still be active.
You would like to do that, but you don't really think that would be a good idea. You don't want to start channeling a character like that, especially with all of these ponies around. Plus, Rarity's tackle shot you right back into active mode, so no switching out characters, at least not yet.
It should also be noted that even though you are "channeling" these characters, all you're really doing is taking cues from them when you decide to do things. You don't get their skills, abilities, or attributes. The best example of this was when you tried to hulk out and destroy the table the pink pony tried you to when you were channeling Alex Louise Armstrong earlier and you just couldn't do it. Really, all this does is help you decide how you should go about things, both in and out of combat.
Also it might be wiser to wait until you are safe from any and all danger before switching out characters again.
"RARITY GET OFF HIM!!!" You hear Twilight yell at you as you lay on the ground.
Rarity then smells you and gets a whiff of your scent. You then watch as her eyes shoot back open.
Solid Snake pops out of the Hind Helicopter where he watched the whole fight and yells down to you: "YOUR STILL NOT ANYWHERE NEAR AS COOL AS ME!!!" He then ducks down inside the helicopter and it takes off again. At least he didn't throw any rude hand gestures at you this time.
You look past her eyes and up at the sky to see something dark in color fly across the sky. Since it's night, you can't really tell what it is. You think you can hear the sound of helicopter blades, but it's too far away, you can't tell. You also think you can see something standing on top of you.
It's too far away to tell, but Solid Snake has popped open the cockpit of the hind he's in and is shouting "YOU'RE STILL NOT ANYWHERE NEAR AS COOL AS ME MOTHERBUCKER!!!" while standing on the edge of the cockpit. That's kind of dangerous. After he's done, he ducks back down as the helicopter flies away. At least he didn't do any rude gestures this time.
Unfortunately, that was all too far away for you to see or hear.
Get Lyra and her friends from the cave then head to ponyville once there get the unicorns to open a portal back to earth
"[INSERT NAME HERE]!!!" You hear Lyra's voice yell from the entrance to the cave. Her voice echoes because of it cave.
Rarity then turns her head to look right at you, only to see that your knife is at her throat. You thank for inner Solid Snake for that.
"Oh," Rarity says as she notices it. Then suddenly, Applejack walks up and pulls Rarity off of you. Luckily for her, your knife doesn't touch her.
"Gosh darn it, Rar!" Applejack practically yells as she throws Rarity off you. "That guy's been runnin like a madpony all week cause of Twilight and now that we finally found him ya wanna jump him exactly like Twilight did! Shame on you!"
"Yeah, shame on you!" the pink pony says. "If the human wanted to you to bounce on his poley of polies, then he would have let you do it when he had the chance." Everyone's eyes, including yours, fell on her the moment those words left her mouth.
"Pinkie..." Rainbow Dash said. "How do you know abou-"
"Because the plot says so," the pink pony replies as she looks up at the hovering Rainbow Dash with the biggest grin possible. You all pretty much agree to ignore what she said even though none of you say anything.
Raity just moves aside as Applejack walks over to you and extends her hoof. Since she has been the only sane one you've known among these ponies here, you begrudgingly take it and she helps pull you back up.
You notice the baby dragon thing glaring at you like you've done something that royally pissed him off within the last couple seconds. You leave it alone for now though, something tells you that you don't want to piss this guy off. You just let Applejack pull you back up to sitting position and then get back on your feet yourself.
You get back up on your feet just in time to see Lyra, Bon Bon, Berry Punch, and Minuette all running out of the cave and right to you.
"OH THANK CELESTIA YOU'RE OKAY!!!" Lyra practically screams as she runs up to you. Unlike Rarity though, she has the decency not to tackle you to the ground. Though you would have allowed it if it was from her. "We all heard the screaming so we ran out here as quickly as we could. I knew you could do it! I just knew you could!" She says to you as she stars hopping up and down. Bon Bon and the others don't say anything, but instead just look up at you with smiles.
"So, it looks like you're okay," Bon Bon says as she walks up to you. "You haven't been raped, so..."
Twirl and then sheathe your knife like a G, then walk over to the group for a proper explanation on this situation.
"Yeah," you reply to her as you twirl your knife around in your hands and then sheath it. You feel like a G as you do that. "Thank's to these guys." You look over towards Applejack and the other ponies as you say that. "Now, if it's all the same to you guys," you say as you walk past Lyra and Bon Bon right up to them.
You then take in a deep breath, and say...
Approach Applejack - the only one of the group that hasn't put the moves on you yet - and ask for a calm, rational explanation for all of this. Keep the knife in hand, though, just in case the heat spell is still active and they all suddenly become overcome by the urge to gangbang you.
You act casual and say "Great now... pause for affect... WHAT IN THE NAME OF A GREEK GOD ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO ME NOW!!!"
Do the most sensible thing possible. Walk up to them, inhale deeply and then calmly tell them "EVERYONE CHILL THE FUCK OUT AND EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"
*Walks up to the group*
Human: Now will somebody that's not crazy tell me what the hell is going on here already?!
Ask "Just what the fuck is going on? I was about to go apeshit and beat her ass until you five showed up and restrained her! What the Fuck!?"
WHATS GOING OOOOOOON!!!!!
i agree wit him
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ZEUS IS GOING ON!!!???" you shout at the top of your lungs at all of them. This has gone on long enough as it is, you think it's about time you're given a proper explanation.
Applejack and all the others just stare unblinking at you for a few moments, as you did just yell right in their faces.
"Well..." Applejack finally begins to say as she rubs the back of her head. "After yah left the farm we all saw how Twilight was goin crazier than a mad bull at a rodeo and decided that we should probably do somethin about it before she hurt yah or did something stupid."
"SOMETHING STUPID!!!" All of you, including Lyra, Bon Bon, Berry Punch, and Minuette, all turn to face Twilight, who is still pinned down on the ground.
Thank god Fluttershy is still on top of her with the knife to her throat, you don't think she'll be getting free anytime soon.
"Now, then, Twilight. Explain."
"YOU ALL ARE BUCKING STUPID FOR KEEPING HIM FROM ME!!!" Twilight keeps shouting. "I NEED HIM!!! I NEED HIM SO I CAN MAKE A CENTAUR AND-"
"Wait!" Lyra say as she walks up to her. "That's what you wanted? You wanted to have sex with a human so you could make a centaur?"
"YES!!!" Twilight screamed back at her. "I NEED A CENTAUR TO-"
"You know that a centaur is just a human crossed with an pony right? They're not special at all."
"Then by that logic," Rarity chimed in. "Why do YOU have to be it's mother?"
"Yeah," Rainbow Dash said. "If you need somepony to be some strange animal's mother, then wouldn't Fluttershy be better at that than anypony else?" You watch as Fluttershy's face figuratively catches fire the moment those words hit her ears.
"Oh... my..." is all she says. Thankfully, she doesn't let the knife fall from her grip at all due to the embarrassment. You also notice in your peripheral vision that the little dragon guy is glaring at you again. Something tells you you'll have to deal with that later.
"BECAUSE I'M THE ELEMENT OF MAGIC!!!" Twilight keeps screaming. "I HAVE THE BEST MAGIC POTENTIAL OF ANYPONY IN EQUESTRIA! SO I HAVE TO-"
"You know that centaurs don't have any magic potential right?" Lyra says to Twilight before she can finish. Then, against all odds, you can swear you felt the fabric of reality break for a second. You see Twilight break. You watch as something appears to break within her. She stops yelling and her pupil (the one that you can see) shrinks down to the size of an amoeba.
"What..." is all she says in a (for the first time you're hearing it) rather weak voice.
"Centaur can't use any type of magic because of their human DNA. Every species of pony here has some type of magic, hell, even earth ponies have some form of magic, but humans can't use magic at all." Lyra begins to explain. "And since a centaur is a hybrid of humans and ponies, because of their human side they don't have any magic potential either. They don't even have earth pony magic. Sure, they were a proud race of warriors, but they had to be. When you're a race without any ability to use magic whatsoever, you sort of have to make do with what you got."
Twilight doesn't say anything in response to that. She just looks back up at Lyra with the same broken expression as before. All the other ponies were staring at her too, though they seemed much more confused than anything else.
"What?" Lyra said to them. "I study humans. Of course I would know what a centaur is."
"Don't challenge Lyra when it comes to humans," Bon Bon said as she walked over to her marefriend and put a hoof around her. "She knows everything there is to know about them." Lyra just laughed nervously at that and rubbed the back of her head.
At that, everyone fell silent, even Twilight. No one said a word for several moments, not even you.
Eventually, someone did break the silence, it was the little dragon guy.
"Let's just get home," he said as he walked over towards Twilight. "It's getting late, and I'm really tired of running around." Then, against all odds, and despite his size, the little guy managed to pick up Twilight and threw him over his back. Fluttershy got off of her just as Spike approached. He then started to walk back towards town, away from all the others.
"Wait up, Spike, let me get her for ya," Rainbow Dash said as she tried to fly over to him and help.
"I got it," was all he said as he kept walking. Apparently, his name was Spike. You make a note of this.
"Ah gotta agree," said Applejack with a yawn. "Ah don't even know what time it is."
"I concur," Rarity. "I have been running about for far to long today and I really do need my beauty sleep."
All of you pretty much ignore her.
"Where you gotta go?" Minuette then asks you. "You certainly can't sleep out here in the forest."
"You can come home with us," Lyra said as she walked back over to you with Bon Bon next to her. "We stuck together this long, why not one more night."
"Yeah, we'd be glad to have you," Bon Bon said.
"Now wait just a darn minute," Applejack said as she walked up. "He still owes me for destroying mah stand." She then turns to you with a smile on her face "And they're plenty o' room at the farm."
"Nonsense Applejack," Rarity said as she walked over. "After all he's been through, I'm sure he'd like to rest in a more... shall we say... comfortable bed and a safe home." Applejack just glowered at Rarity as she said that. Rarity ignored her and just looked at you. "I know that I've been behaving... well let's be honest here... monstrously unbecoming, since you've been here, but my home is open to you."
"Um..." you can barely hear as Fluttershy walks over. "If it's all the same..." she says as she looks up at you through her mane. The ten inch knives she was carrying were still in her wings. You think it's kind of weird to see a creature as adorable as her carrying those around. Kind of frighting really. "I can offer you a place to stay as well... that is, if you don't mind."
You really don't know what to say. Now, four different ponies are offering you a place to stay for the night, two of which have tried to make advances on you already. You really want to ask about getting home, but after all that's happened, you think a good night's rest might be worth it first.
So, whose house are you going to sleep at for the night?
Again, thank you all so damn much. Your comments are literally the only thing that keeps this story going. I simply cannot express my gratitude to all of you. Really... thank you all so damn much.
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Go with Lyra and Bon Bon they are the best bet since they won't try to rape you in your sleep
Lyra and bon bon or apple jack
Lyra, she's got pot
lyra stay with lyra and remember pray to Khorne for protection from the Crazy magic pony
You decide to go with lyra and bon-bon. Lets face it, heat spell or not, those ponies you've been with (lyra & bon-bon) have pretty much been the only ones that actually tried helping you, even going as far as giving you a weapon to defend yourself with, and now that this Deus Ex Machina is done and over with, you think that either of their offers (and maybe a slight demand in applejack's case, since you wrecked her stand) MAY sound good, but between you and them, you'd rather stay with lyra and bon-bon, for safety reasons. After making this choice, voice your reasons as to why you chose to stay with lyra and bon-bon, while letting all of them down in a nice and calm manner. Also explain to applejack that while you do remember the debt you owe her, considering what happened here, you feel as if you're owed a break from all this crazy ass shit that's happened. Besides, its their hideout you were in and I doubt you'll be staying in there forever. I don't doubt that as soon as you ask lyra what happens now, she'll hopefully gather the group here (minuette, bon-bon, berry punch, *insert whoever im missing here*) and you'll go back to the house to rest up; the adrenaline rush you're on will no doubt wear off when you get back and on a comfy surface than a floor and you'll most likely be out for a GOOD long while, best to play it safe
Ok, lets run down the list of pros and cons of each pony
Lyra & Bon Bon: First of all THEY HAVE WEED. Second. They have not done anything that would suggest sexual interaction so thats a plus. Third. They actually HELPED you, they hid you, they trained you to defend yourself, they also risked their lifes for your sake.
So screw the others your going with them
Lyra and Bon Bon. After everything that's happened, it's perfectly reasonable for you to be skittish about falling asleep in the house of a straight mare, since - heat spell or no - they might want to rape you. Ergo, go with the lesponies.
Lyra and BonBon. They're are lesbians and have weed. Also ask Rarity for your swag suit.
Chose lyra and bonbon they helped you first
Lyra and Bon Bon, qnd keep that knife with you just in case if Rarity (or even worse Twilight) breaks in.
After thoughts and consideration you think the best idea would be to stay with Lyra and Bon Bon. I mean there are the ones who didn't try to take advantage of you plus...they got pot.
Fluttershy and Rarity have both proven to be untrust worthy so far so the're out of the question so that leaves you with Applejack and Lyra, you do still owe Applejack however just because you sleep at Lyra's does not meen you won't be able to help at the farm, right?
Definitely go with Lyra and BonBon, they have booze and drugs. Screw responsibility and lucid thought, it's time to get pissed and/or baked.
Stay with either Applejack or Lyra and Bon Bon.
Personally I'd go with Applejack, but Lyra and Bon Bon is also sensible.
You just got through some very stressful events, you're tired, and now you have to decide whose house you want to stay at? You should relax before you make any kind of decision. In fact, everyone really needs to just chill the fuck out. Invite everyone into Lesbian Pony Grotto to get stoned while you think things over.
You don't owe Applejack anything. If she had just helped hide you from her clearly insane friend, you wouldn't have had to use her cart as a distraction. Plus, she wrecked the Lyrabon house. Maybe Applejack should work for Lyra and Bon Bon to cover the damages? How do you like them apples?
You can't really trust Rarity. She's pleasant company, and the fact that she's still attracted to you despite the spell wearing off is flattering, and she has a very nice bed. Still, she's the most likely pony to pounce on you when you're off guard.
Fluttershy is... nice. She's cute and snuggly and very hospitable. But what happened that time when she woke up next to you? And the knives? She kind of scares you now...
Lyra and Bon Bon are currently your best buddies, there is zero chance of any sexual predation from either of them, and they have weed. Unless staying at their house interferes with all the lesbian sex they have, you should definitely go with them.
Speaking of which... the four fillyfoolers should ask Rainbow Dash to join in with them sometime.
Stay with Lyra. It's safer. Also don't help AJ later.
lyra and bon bon they have been friends with you more than the others also they have weed so yeah also when you get to their house do the mother fucking dinosaur
Lyra and Bon Bon they've helped you the most so far. Oh and then work for Applejack tomorrow.
Lyra has been a good friend to you, go with her.
Step 1.) Assure Applejack you'll continue to pay her back, but that imposing on her for housing seems counter-intuitive when you have other accommodations that would be less troublesome for her.
Step 2.) Thank Fluttershy kindly, but say you'd rather not cause any further problems for her. Then, should she look sad, give her a kind hug, saying you'd love to visit or talk with her though.
Step 3.) Say to Rarity that you are flattered, but you feel that doing so would be a disservice to her in the long run. You intend to go home as soon as you're able...and mention that you've a strange feeling that your presence with her would cause issues with someone else.
Step 4.) Say to Pinky that the last time you were at her place a Motor Bike crashed in...despite it's thematically correct timing. As such, you'd prefer somewhere quieter.
Step 5.) Thank Bon-Bon and Lyra and take them up on their offer. Also thank them profusely for their help and friendship throughout this entire adventure.
Step 6.) Upon arrival at their house, move into the basement and...
Open the door.
Get on the floor.
MOTHERBUCKIN' WALK THE DINOSAUR!!
Step 7.) Next day, ask if the local authorities can be contacted to get a restraining order on Twilight...or better yet, get somepony to help you get back home.
Step 8.) ???
Step 9.) Figure out how high you got and Profit.
Feels good to get back in the commenting game. Just do what ever >> Gamerlord99 said. Congratulations, >> Gamerlord99, you're a random winner.
Go with Lyra and Bon Bon they're the closet thing to a friend you have
Go with Lyra and Bon Bon No No stfu Go with Lyra and Bon Bon.
my vote is going with Lyra and them, no offense but... Fluttershy : cute as a button, but she nearly raped me with her adorableness and I'm still a bit scared about the whole *gulps* knives thing Rarity : She gave me a kick ass suit which I would like back on if it's all the same, but she had me tied to a bed and nearly had her way with me Applejack : her brother was nice enough to get me clothes, and ya I do have a debt that needs to be paid, and even though she didn't try having her way with me, she nearly beaten the tar out of me So ya, Lesbian ponies that smoke weed sounds way better than any of their places by far, even if I'm just going there to sleep.
Well, the four of them offer you a choice, but to you, there is only one clear answer. The other options might as well not even be there. In your mind, the vote is unanimous, you decide to stay with Lyra and Bon Bon.
Meh, more than likely they'll know how to get more, so you're not too worried about that.
The thought does occur to you to build a house minecraft style, but then you remember that minecraft is just a game and that doing so in real time could take days, perhaps even longer. Plus, you are tired as hell right now so you really don't want to.
You look back down at all the ponies staring up at you with pleading eyes. Despite all that's happened, they did help you out, so you figure it would be best to let them down gently.
"Sorry everyone," you say as politely as you can. "But I think I'm gonna stay with Lyra and Bon Bon here." You notice their faces light up almost instantly as you say that. "They've been helping me out quite a bit since I got here and I think I'd feel safest with them. So, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna go with them."
"It's okay..." Fluttershy says to you. "I understand." She looks up at you with quite possibly the most adorable smile you've seen as she says that. Despite being let down, she's still capable of looking adorable. You just look at her with a smile.
You then look over at Applejack, whose looking up at you with a rather serious look on her face.
"Don't worry," you say to her. "I'll still come over and help on the farm. You're right, I do still owe you, and I always pay my debts. So you don't have to worry." Applejack just keeps looking up at you. She seems rather unconvinced at first.
"All right," she finally says to you after a moment. "But ya'll better not skip town ya' hear."
"Where would I go?" you reply with a slight chuckle. You see a smile form on her face as you say that.
You then turn your attention over to Rarity, who looks slightly disappointed.
"Sorry," you say to her. "But..."
"It's all right," she replies to you. "After all, after the way I-"
"GASP!!!" the pink pony suddenly shrieked as she came seeming out from behind Rarity and stood on her back. Even Rarity was surprised to see that happen. Within an instant, the pink pony was off of her and in front of you. "How could I forget!!!" She said rather loudly in that same bubblegummy voice. You're about to ask what she could have forgotten, but she doesn't give you a chance to speak. "You're new in Ponyville!" she says. "Well, technically you're new in Equestria, but new is still new and you know what that means right!?" she said to you as she somehow extended her neck and was looking you right in the eyes with the biggest grin you've ever seen in your life on her face.
"Oh, Celestia no," Rainbow Dash said behind her.
"Oh I guess you wouldn't know since you're not from here," the pink pony said as she returned to her normal height. "It meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaans," she began to say. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she reached out to her left, and pulled out a cannon. Where she pulled that from you have no idea, but you don't even have time to contemplate that as the second she got it out, she pulls the string on it and a full blast of confetti hits you in the face. "PARTY!!!!!"
You don't even get a chance to respond as you clear away the confetti from your face.
"Party party party,
I wanna have a party,
Party party party,
I need to have a party,
You better have a party,
Oh, party party party,"
The pink pony singed as she bounced up and down in a circle around you.
"Pinkie Pie!!!" Rarity practically hissed at her as she tried to get some of the confetti out of her mane. "We cannot have a party now."
"Yeah, it's kind of late." Rainbow Dash said as she was hovering in the air next to Fluttershy.
"Well of course not now sillies," the pink pony, you're guessing her name is apparently Pinkie Pie... subtle, said as she somehow stopped dead in her tracks. "It's much too dark to plan a party now unless you wanna do an all nighter, but I don't think anypony wants to do that now so tomorrow night I'm gonna throw you a super duper ginormous pienormous godzillanormous looper juper WELCOME TO PONYVILLE PARTY!!!!" she shouted as even more confetti suddenly exploded out from behind her, more of which got into Rarity's mane. You were about to speak in protest but again, she didn't let you. "Actually I guess it should be a WELCOME TO EQUESTRIA PARTY but a party is a party, and invite EVERY PONY IN PONYVILLE! AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS!!!" she said as she jumped up and threw her hooves around your head, somehow hovering in mid air.
"Uhh..." is all you can say.
"GASP!!!" she suddenly gasps right in your face. You can feel her breath, it smells exactly like sugar. "If I'm gonna throw you a welcome to Equestria party I better start planning. This party has to be big, bigger than usual." Somehow, as she was saying all of this, she never fell from where she was somehow floating in mid air. You can swear you felt your brain hurt itself trying to comprehend how many laws of physics she is breaking right now. Which is strange since your brain has no pain receptors. "I'll see you tomorrow!!!" Pinkie suddenly said to you as she suddenly turned around from where she was and dashed out of the forest with a speed that would make sonic the hedgehog jealous, a pink trail left in her wake.
It was several moments before you spoke again.
"She's gonna throw me that party whether I want her to or not, isn't she?" you ask.
"Yeah, unfortunately," said Applejack as she was busy shaking all the confetti out of her hat.
You're not entirely sure whether you being in the same room as every pony in Equestria is a good idea or not right now, but you'll decide that later. You're too tired right now. Then again, the heat spell has worn off so it shouldn't really be a problem.
"I guess we'd better get going then," Lyra said as she cleared out Bon Bon of confetti.
"Yeah," you say. You all take another quick moment to clear away the confetti on all of you before you start walking out of the forest. You kind of have to admit, you're getting pretty damn tired of this place. As fun as the cave was, you need to get out of here. Also, you are so going to walk the dinosaur when you get back to Lyra's house in victory.
As you all walk out, you notice Lyra walk over to Fluttershy.
"Um, hey Fluttershy," she says to her.
"Umm.... yes Lyra," Fluttershy responds.
"Um, well, I was hoping that you could get us some more.... ******" she whispered the last part into Fluttershy's ear, so you really couldn't hear what she said.
"Oh..." Fluttershy said. "But... what about the bag I sold you last week?"
"Funny story," Lyra said, blushing a little. "We kind of... smoked it all in the cave."
"Oh..." Fluttershy said. "Well, I suppose I could get you more, but do you... have the bits for it?"
"Of course," Lyra replied, her blush gone. "I'll stop by tomorrow morning."
"Okay..." Fluttershy replied as she kept walking.
You're not entirely sure what was going on, but you're pretty sure you know where Lyra get's her drugs now. You swear, Fluttershy is getting creepier and creepier (and yet somehow more adorable) by the minute. You decide not to ask any questions though. Probably for the best. Still, you were wondering how she could possibly afford to buy food for all the animals she keeps at her house.
Another thought dawns on you as you're walking out. You turn your attention over to Rarity, whose walking right next to you.
"Hey, um... Rarity," you say to her.
"Yes," she says to you almost eagerly as she turns her head towards you.
"By any chance, do you still have that suit you made for me?" You watch as a light bulb suddenly goes off in Rarity's head.
"Of course!" she says. "Of course I still have your suit. I'll give it to you tomorrow Mr...." Now you watch as Rarity's thoughts seem to have hit a brick wall. "I'm terribly sorry," she says blushing. "But I seem to have forgotten your name."
"Come to think of it," Applejack says. "What is your name anyhow? I don't think yah ever told me."
"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie suddenly said as she came out from behind Applejack. "If I don't know your name then what am I gonna put on the welcome banner for your party? Though I suppose I could just say 'Welcome to Equestria Human,' that wouldn't work cause that's like saying 'Welcome to Equestria Pony,' and nopony likes that. So what is your name?"
"Umm... I have to admit," Fluttershy says as she walks out in front of you. "I'm a little curious too."
At that, you look around at all the curious pony faces looking up at you, even Applejack looks more than a little curious. Lyra and Bon Bon know your name, but that's about it, you haven't told your name to anyone else here.
Though, right now you suppose it couldn't hurt. Not like anyone can use it against you here. Plus, you stand out as a human anyway.
"It's Jason," you say to them. "Jason Morgan."
Sorry, but there is no "What do you do?" section for this chapter. Read ahead to discover where to go from here and post your comments in chapter 52 please.
Below the balcony where Celestia gave her most important speeches, a crowd formed consisting of hundreds of ponies from all creeds, lifestyles, and from every location conceivable gathered to listen to the speech about to unfold. They came here for that one speech, the speech of the newly elected stallion senator to represent them in this unfolding age of uncertainty and the newly booming industrial revolution on the outlying regions of Equestria’s border towns and burgeoning megalopolises.
From within the doorway atop the tower stepped a blue unicorn dressed in a grey secretary’s uniform, complete with an ocean blue handkerchief and the horned-rim glasses most common of an office worker. A slight blue glint surrounded her horn as she cast a voice amplification spell and began to speak to the hundreds, neigh, thousands gathered below her to listen to what she and he had to say.
“Citizens of Canterlot, Fillydelphia, Baltimare, Las Pegasus, and all of Equestria,” she boomed over the now hushed crowd of ponies, “we have won!” she yelled to the crowd below resulting in an enthusiastic boom of cheers and woops from the assemblage of ponies.
“You, yes you, have chosen him to be your senator, to be your voice in the Court of Canterlot, to speak for you when your leaders have failed to hear your voices cry out in the dark!” There was another round of cheers from the crowd below, followed by a flurried rush of camera flashes and then the sound of silence as the crowd settled down.
“When your Foremen and Laborers demanded more hours for less pay, he stood up to them and said,” She paused for a moment as the crowd yelled back with a hollering “NEIGH!”
“When they commanded you to lay down your lives on the battlefield and have your hard earned money pay for weaponry and rations, he threw down a rifle and cried,” a second pause passed through the air only to be followed with an even louder “NEIGH!”.
“When the senators of Canterlot looked down upon you with distrust and disgust, he looked up with you and gave you,” she emphasized the word you, “a fighting voice and the chance for a truly equal Equestria!” The crowd roared at this, cheering with whoops and hollers with such ferocity that even the shoppers in the garment district could hear the thunderous applause of the ponies standing the forecourt of the palace. The mare stood there taking in glorious applause, that beautiful response given not only to him but also to her, his left hoof and the campaign manager for him this whole time. She stood there by his side, watching as he won over crowd after crowd, pony after pony, and ultimately won the election serving as the senator for Canterlot in the Equestrian Congress.
She looked down at the crowd, a slight grin slowly expanding across her face until she embraced the world beneath her with a full smile from ear to ear. To think that she, just mere months ago was bit-less and homeless on the streets of Canterlot before meeting him.
-MONTHS AGO-
She lay curled up under a simple cardboard sheet, dampened and chilled by the snow piled atop her in a back alley behind a strip club in Canterlot. She sneezed a few times, adjusting the dampened cardboard and listening to the thumping music and the hollers of stallions behind the closed back door. She lifted her head as she heard the hoof steps of a few ponies drunkenly stumbling out of the back door of the establishment, one holding a half emptied bottle of liquor in his right hoof, and a blonde Pegasus in his left. He wore a snort fedora cap adjusted for his horn and a short suit that appeared to be in some form of shambles, as it looked to be rather worn out with several drink stains on it.
“Buck you and your rules!” he paused to take a swig from the bottle as he shambled out of doorway, “ain’t no sign says I can’t *hic* touch the girls!” He took another drink as the door behind him slammed shut with a definitive thud, after which he threw the bottle against the door. For a brief second, there was an explosion of liquor and glass, spotting the grey snow with shards of grey and splotches of red as he hazily stepped forward. The mare could tell this much, that the blonde standing next to him, she was a prostitute, plain and simple as she saw her once or twice before making her wages against the dumpster next to the snow-dampened mare. The two drunkenly walked away, but suddenly stopped when the mare under the snow sneezed a second and third time, catching the stallion’s attention. His ear twitched as he turned back, his horn aglow with magic as he withdrew something from inside of the suit. The mare caught a brief glimpse of it in the dark of the alleyway, and immediately sprang upwards when she recognized the civilian issued handgun that the southern factories seemed to be churning out at alarming rates.
“Please don’t shoot!” she cried out and watched as his eyes narrowed in the dark to catch a better glimpse at what exactly stood before him. Suddenly, he drunkenly smirked at the sight before him, a pale blue unicorn in a tattered cape with her hooves raised to the sky, and a disheveled bluish white colored mane.
“You’re that *hic* show-mare from the *hic* street shows, ain’t ya,” he stated, the mare wrapping her foreleg around his as if to hurry him along so she might get paid sometime tonight. “The great and something or other Trixie, right,” he slurred to which the mare simply replied with a nodded yes.
“Yes, I…I…I…am Trixie,” she stuttered, the fear of being shot overtaking her slowly with each cold breath of back alley air and gutter trash perfume that clung to the once alabaster bricks of the grand capital. He stashed the gun back into his suit jacket and inched, or rather stumbled forward to get a better look at the former show mare who put her hooves back onto the ground and adjusted her mane slightly. He nearly tripped over himself as he approached her, drawing a slight giggle from the prostitute pony and a more than audible groan from him as he adjusted his hat and suit, before speaking to Trixie.
“Yeah, I thought that that might have been you,” he squinted, as his face got closer to hers, and gave a loud belched of alcohol tinted breath into her face, causing her to step back and cough in disgust. He laughed heartily, as did the prostitute before Trixie regained her composure and stood before him once more, watching his every move with the best of her ability but once again, he stood right on top of her. “What in the hell happened to you?” he asked drunkenly, swaying back and forth as Trixie mentally recalled the night of the fire, the explosion of fireworks, and the overall lack of interest from the local police to actually help her in her time of need.
“Things,” she replied, sneezing once more from the cold and shivering again when it finally settled down to a light sniffling and scrunching of her nose.
“Things, eh,” he scoffed, looking her over rather curiously before looking her in the eyes again and letting out three loud hiccups before resuming his awkward observances of her standing there. “Not getting much work lately,” he said, inching closer, as if such a thing were possible at the moment before he stepped back and glanced to the prostitute, raising some suspicion in her, but not so much to cause her to…
“I can think of some ways for you to earn some bits.”
The next five minutes became a blur of something hitting her head, cold and hard, before being thrown up against the dumpster as he leaned against her, sniffing her mane as she tried to fight back, crying out for help. Suddenly, the stallion was airborne, thrown against the wall as the prostitute stood there in horror before falling over from shock at the sight of the stallion walking past her towards the injured Trixie. Trixie cried as she looked up at her savior, a tall stallion with a dark brown colored coat and a black-slicked back mane in a denim jacket with several brightly colored buttons, and one bizarrely bright yellow smiley faced one, on the right breast of said jacket. His horn glowed a bright red as he withdrew a handkerchief from his front pocket and began to wipe away the tears from Trixie’s eyes.
“Are you all right miss?” he asked gently, with a slightly accented and heavy voice, drawing her attention instantly towards this strange stallion.
“Yes, I’m all right now,” she replied, trying to stand, but falling back to the ground, only to be helped up by this mysterious denim jacket wearing stallion standing in a snowy back alley in Canterlot. “You saved my life,” she replied, looking up at him with bright and wide eyes as he smiled back at her with a slickly smooth grin before helping her to walk out of the darkened alley.
“What’s your name?” she asked him, a slight blush rising against her cheeks as she felt the warmth of her body against him, his brown coat somehow giving comforting heat, even in the cold.
“It’s…”
-PRESENT-
“Risen Flag! Risen Flag! Risen Flag!” the crowd chanted uncontrollably now, anxious to see the newly elected senator. This stallion of all ponies of all races, backgrounds, but most importantly a working class pony’s senator. Trixie, adjusting her glasses, retreated back inside to the atrium where he stood, looking towards the doorway leading to the balcony, a smile spread wide across his face. His denim jacket was gone now, replaced with a dark suit and blue tie, but his mane remained slicked back as he stood there, taking in the chanting of his ponies, of his crowd, of his Equestria.
“You did it, Risen, you actually did it,” Trixie cooed as she nuzzled against his neck, and he just kept smiling all the while.
“No, my lieutenant, we did it,” he laughed as he continued to stare out to where the chanting increased in its fervor until it reached near riot levels of shouting.
“When this is over, will I get my wish?”
He trotted to the doorway, and without turning back stated, “But of course, my dear Trixie, you will get what’s coming to you.” He walked out onto the balcony and was greeted with the thunderous applause of hundreds, perhaps thousands of ponies, shouting and chanting his name. He took it all in, the sight of ponies gathered all together in one place, believing in him as he looked down upon them with hopeful eyes and a bright smile-stretching wide across his face.
“Citizens of Equestria!” he boomed, hushing the entire crowd with a single phrase, “welcome to the brave new world.”
Please post all of your comments about how to move on in the next chapter please
Your vision was blurry as you slowly began to open your eyes. You couldn't see much in front of you, but your vision was suddenly purple for a few moments...
Wait... Purple...
Your eyes shot open the instant your mind made that connection.
You were in a bed, you don't know whose house it was but it certainly wasn't Lyra's.
Right in front of you, in front of your eyes... was this.
You scream at the absolute top of your lungs as you jump out of the bed.
You then open up your eyes and sit up on Lyra's couch. Where you definitely do remember falling asleep last night.
"Oh thank god!" you say as you fall back down on your pillow at the end of the couch. It was all a dream. Thank the Greek gods for that.
Also, Lyra's couch is incredibly comfortable.
You've opted the sleep there as Lyra and Bon Bon didn't own an extra bed, much less one that was tall enough for you (They only had one bed, and you are pretty sure you can guess what they were doing in it after you got back). Luckily, her couch had plenty of room and was just tall enough for you, so Lyra gave you an pillow and let you sleep there for the night. It was really comfortable.
You look out the nearby window from where you are, you can see the sunlight outside. You have no idea what time it is, but it really doesn't matter to you at the moment. Also, you are kind of hungry.
What do you do?
If you are going to switch out fictional characters, then this would be the opportune moment for that. Remember, switching out fictional characters requires multiple votes for the same person, or at least more than two up votes on a comment suggesting to switch out a fictional character.
Also remember, you must specifically state which character you are switching out and who you are switching them out for.
Ex. "Switch out Solid Snake for (character X)"
Also listing the reasons why you're picking that character always helps.
Before you switch out of Sherlock-mode: investigate why the hell that couch is so god-damned comfy
Before you make an effort to switch out any of the fictional characters you are channeling, you take a moment to look back at the couch and use your inner Sherlock to investigate why the couch you were sleeping on is so damn comfy. Not that it really matters to you, a comfy couch is a comfy couch either way, but for the hell of it you decide to.
It doesn't appear to be a leather couch, it's made of some kind of fabric, you're no fashion expert you can't really tell which, but either way, it a soft and smooth fabric. The couch itself is rather soft, really soft. It's the perfect amount of softness where it's kind of squishy but not too much, just how you like it. Also, it's rather wide for a couch, you can't even bend your knees really when you lean all the way back against it. Then again, you suppose that may be made to accommodate the ponies, as they don't really sit on it like humans do. Well, Lyra does but she can't really lean back either. Either way, it was wide enough to also function as a bed.
So, what we have is a soft, wide couch that's made of some kind of smooth fabric. That's all you need to know, really.
Change to your inner Doctor.
Channel your inner Dr.who and investigate something or go on an adventure
Maybe cook something for Lyra and Bon Bon. Switch out Sherlock for Dr. Who. Might help us deal with weird shit better Switch out Snake for Commander Shepard(Paragon version)
Switch my inner Snake and Sherlock Holmes with the Fourth Doctor Who, and do some cooking for Lyra and Bon-Bon before going out to Apple Jacks and getting your debt repaid; maybe even explore the town and get that kick ass suit.
That done, you decide to switch out your inner Sherlock Holmes for the Doctor from Doctor Who. Sure, Sherlock is smart and he can figure things out, but you figure that channeling The Doctor would give you a better chance of trying to understand and batshit insane nature of this world. Even if he doesn't have any idea what's going on, he's good at figuring it out.
Of course, the issue that comes with this is deciding which Doctor to channel. The answer to this is actually a lot simpler than it sounds once you think about it. By default when you pick "The Doctor," you are picking the most recent Doctor, which has the memories and experiences of all the previous Doctors plus his own, which when combined with your own knowledge and experiences makes a lot of knowledge. So, with that in mind you decide to channel the most recent Doctor. You're not getting his personality, so you should have to worry about anything like that.
Now if only you have a sonic screwdriver...
Channel your inner Batman, which essentially combines Sherlock Holmes's brilliance with Solid Snake's badassness. With a character channeling slot freed up, go with all the other disembodied extradimensional votes and channel "The Doctor". That way you can cook, have another layer of brilliance, and it'll be easier to accept seemingly impossible things that currently cause your pain-receptorless brain to hurt.
Once you've made the switch, see what you can do about making a meal and then go take a quick look out the window. Never hurts to know what's going on outside.
<- what that guy said. Don't forget to make it the Tenth. He's nicer, and you'll need all the 'niceness' points you can get.
Switch with batman because it just makes sense. That and because you heard batman likes ponies
You also decide to switch out your inner Solid Snake for Batman. Why the hell didn't you think of doing this before? It makes so much more sense now that you think about it. Batman has the intelligence and detective skills of Sherlock Holmes and the badassness of Solid Snake, and possibly more, so if you need to fight or investigate, anything there is none better. Plus, he is the only character in the entire universe who can win arguments by virtue of "I'm the god damned Batman!"
Start by stretching. and then go have a breakfast. (Vodka and some weed or something. you can't take this world sober.)
Psh, Walk the dinosaur. Duh
oh also, Walk to the fridge (or anything that might look like a fridge) and see what food they have.
(If there is nothing there)
Well you did say you'd help AJ, so go to the apple farm and help out. Hopefully they'll feed you something, I mean you would be on a FARM.
Try and see if there is a coffee maker anywhere. Get a cup of joe and wait for Lyra and Bon Bon to get up. You really don't want to walk around this town without a trusted escort. If the mail has arrived, go grab it and the newspaper and bring it inside (Meeting Derpy totally up to you). Proceed to read from the paper until the others awaken.
Get a quick cup a coffee to fully wake up. then head to Applejack's; its a farm, they get up early so you should head there ASAP.
Eat breakfast. Can't even remember when I ate last time.
First, check that whether or not that was actually a dream. Then, find something to eat and go to Applejack's farm to continue paying off your debt.
TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO................................. THE FRIDGE!
You think this character arrangement is good for now, Batman and The Doctor should be able to help you out in a variety of situations should you need them to. That done, you stand up off the couch and stretch your arms out to fully wake you up. That seems to do the job, you seem awake now.
You make plans to head over to head over to Applejack's farm later (if you can even remember where it is, you were knocked out when you got there) and help her out. Right now though, you REALLY need some breakfast. Now that you think about it, you can't even remember the last time you really ate. Okay, it was back in the tent, but you mean the last time you really ate a decent breakfast.
That in mind, you head on over to the kitchen. On a nearby clock in the room, you notice that the time is 7:00 am. You're kind of surprised that you woke up that early, you don't usually get up in the morning. Then again, you were REALLY tired when you got here and you think it was about 11:00 pm when you went to sleep, so it makes sense. Plus, you slept like a rock right until that nightmare hit. That couch was really comfy.
Anyway, you head on into the kitchen, and the first thing you notice a coffee maker.
"Oh thank god," you say to yourself in your morning voice. You really could use some coffee right now after all that's happened. You REALLY could use some coffee.
You then head over to the pantry doors and open one of them to look for the actual coffee. You open one of the pantry doors, you don't find any coffee, but you do find something. You find a sizable jar of oats.
"Sweet," you say to yourself as you take out the jar and set it down on the kitchen counter. You can use this to make oatmeal. Now that you think about it, Lyra and Bon Bon don't seem to be up yet. Maybe you should make some breakfast for them. It's the least you can do after all they've done for you. You don't even need to think about whether you should do it or not. You are going to make breakfast for them. It's only right.
Screw the action, I think we've had enough of that for awhile. It's time to eat.
You don't need to channel any fictional characters for this. You know how to cook. You know how to cook quite well actually. You've been living on your own for long enough, it's only makes sense that you know how. While nothing special, you are quite proud of what you can do.
Plus, the problem with channeling those two is that they are real people and not fictional characters, so you can't use them.
Anyway, with your mind set to the task at hand, you begin searching through the rest of the pantry. Surely enough, you find everything you need. You find some milk in the fridge, and you even find some brown sugar. This just keeps getting better and better. And of course, you find the coffee. Everything is good to go.
About thirty minutes later, Lyra walks on into the kitchen. The sound of hooves on a hard wood floor is kind of hard to miss.
"Good morning Lyra," you turn to say to her as she walks in. You also notice that she has quite the case of bad bed hair. Bed mane.... Meh, doesn't matter.
"*Yawn* morning Jason," she replies back to you in a voice that's as tired as she looks. Clearly, Lyra is not a morning person. Something else you two seem to have in common. "What are you doing?" she asks as she walks up to you. You're not quite finished yet.
"Making some oatmeal for you guys," you say to her. At that, her eyes instantly shot open despite them being kind of glaze over a moment ago.
"What!" she says. "No, no you don't have to do that. I can just-"
"No, no, I insist," you say to her. "It's the least I can do." At that, Lyra just looks up at you with a surprised look on her face. After a moment, she sighs and lets it all out.
"You're not gonna take no for an answer are you?" she asks.
"No, not really," you reply back. You really aren't.
"All right," Lyra says. "At least please tell me you made some coffee too."
"Right over there," you say as you point to the coffee maker.
"OH THANK CELESTIA!" Lyra practically shouts as she walks on over to the coffee maker. You watch as she grabs a cup with her telekinesis and pours herself a cup of coffee. She doesn't even waste any time before taking a sip. The instant she does, you notice an immediate change, she's more awake now.
"Ahh..." Lyra exhales as she finishes her drink. "Wow, this is good coffee." she says to her.
"Thank you," you reply back.
"Lyra!" You hear Bon Bon shout as she walks into the kitchen. She looks slightly better than Lyra did, but you can still tell that she is clearly not a morning person either.
"By Celestia, that was good!" Lyra exclaimed as she leaned back in her seat, her bowl of oatmeal licked clean.
"Thank you," you say to them. The fact that they like your cooking makes you feel really good for some reason.
"Where did you learn to cook like that?" Bon Bon asks, her face filled with intrigue.
"My mother taught me," you reply back.
"Your mother," Lyra just says. Before she can any anymore though, the doorbell to their house suddenly rings.
"I'll get it," Bon Bon says as she gets out of her chair and walks on over towards the door. You and Lyra just sit there in silence for a few seconds while you take another sip of coffee. The silence between you doesn't last long.
"Jason!" Bon Bon suddenly calls from the door.
"Yeah," you reply, not really as worried as you would be if it were Twilight. That threat is over now, at least you hope.
"Can you come over here for a second!?" Bon Bon shouts again. Okay, now you're even more confused. Who could possibly be asking for you out here. You look over to Lyra, she's just as confused as you are.
Still, you're not going to get anywhere just sitting here and doing nothing, so you set your coffee mug down and walk on over to the door, Lyra follows you. When you get to the front door, you're quite surprised to see Rarity standing there. Two rectangular, boxes are on her back.
"Rarity?" is all you say.
"Jason!" she calls out as she sees you. "So glad I caught you before you left."
"What are you doing here?" you ask her.
"Well, I'm here to give you these," Rarity replies rather politely as she levitates the boxes off of her back and floats them over to you. You grab hold of them and let them fall into your hands as the magic surrounding them dissipates.
You then walk back on over to the couch and sit down as you put them on the table. You then take the lid off of the top box. Inside, are a nice pair (really nice) of shoes wrapped in plastic, and underneath them is your suit. The one Rarity made you.
"Woah," is all you can say. Lyra looks surprised as hell to see that. You think you can see a twang of jealousy in her eyes almost.
"I thought I would bring it over since you wanted it back," Rarity says to you from the door.
"Thank you Rarity," you politely say back to her. You then close the box and set it down on the table. It's then that you notice the second box she gave you. "What's in this box?" you ask her.
"Oh, that," she replies. "Since you're going to be working on Applejack's farm. I thought I would make you something better suited for manual labor. Honestly, you can't wear a suit while working on a farm. It's unbecoming." You can't really argue with her logic there, but still.
Your curiosity getting the better of you, you open the box. Inside, also wrapped in plastic, you find a pair a workman's boots, and underneath them, is a red, button up shirt and a pair of jeans. You also find a belt in there. You're honestly quite shocked to see this. You didn't expect her to make something like this for you. You have to admit, despite what Rarity tried to do to you, you have to admit she is incredibly generous. Though, in the back of your head you get this feeling that she may be doing this just to butter you up, in a sense.
"Wow," is all you can say.
"Now now, no need to thank me," Rarity says with a wave of her hoof. "I was only-"
"Hi everypony!" Pinkie Pie suddenly says as she jumps out from behind Rarity, does a front flip and lands on the floor like an acrobat. She throws her hooves up in the air and strikes a dramatic pose as she lands. No one in the room even speaks, not even you.
"Pinkie..." Bon Bon finally says. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh," Pinkie Pie say as she falls back on all four hooves. "I'm just here to give you guys these." She says as she reaches into... somewhere... and pulls out a small, white piece of paper, which she hands over to Bon Bon. She then zips over to Lyra and gives her one before zipping over to you and shoving on into your hands before zipping away.
You look down at what she gave you.
"You are invited to Jason the Human's Welcome to Equestria Party!!!" it said on the front in big, elaborate, poofy (somehow) letters.
"Here's yours Rarity," Pinkie says as she hands onto to her as well. "Well, I gotta go. Sorry I can't stay and chat but there's A LOT of things I have to get together for your party tonight Jason. I'll see you then!" Then, just as quickly as she came in, she's gone. All of you just stare out the open door for several moments. None of you speak for several moments. You are to busy trying to comprehend where the hell she came from to speak.
"Well," Rarity finally said after several moments. "I suppose I better be going to. I do have a lot of work to catch up on." She then turns back to you. "Au revoir Jason. I suppose I'll be seeing you at the party." You just let out a loud sigh at that.
"Yeah," you say. "I suppose so." You suppose you're sort of committed to it now. You're still not sure if having every pony in the same room with you is a good idea, but logically everything should be okay. After all, not every pony you've met so far is crazy for you or wants to have their way with you. It was only two really (you're still not sure about Fluttershy). You're kind of glad you got your suit back now as well. "Bye," you say to Rarity.
"Bye," she sing songingly says to you as she leaves. Bon Bon shutting the door behind her.
You, Lyra, and Bon Bon are all silent for several minutes as you look at the door.
You suppose you should be getting over to Applejack's farm, but a thought you had before comes back to you. You really have no idea where it even is, since you were knocked out when you got there and were running away from it like crazy when you left. Plus, you're really not sure if you want to be walking around alone right now, considering all that's happened.
By the way, before you go, WALK THE DAMN DINOSAUR already. You're well fed, you've had coffee, and you might as well do it now before you exhaust yourself on Applejack's farm.
Today is a new day, new friends and no one is aiming to rape you anymore. You feel very whimsical and feel the need to celebrate. Today just felt like one of those days you gotta sing, and of course do the dinosaur.
Do the dinosaur. Then ask Lyra and Bon Bon to show you to Applejack's farm.
Walk the dinosaur and dance the macarena before asking Lyra and Bon-Bon to guide you to the farm.
its unanimous, DO THE FUCKING DINOSAUR
You start to feel the urge to walk the dinosaur again as you sit on the couch staring into the space that was the front door. The room is still silent. As much as you would love to do that however, you're pretty sure you don't really have time for that. Plus, you did the dinosaur last night when you got here... You can still remember it.
-Flashback to Last Night-
"Open the door, get on the floor, Everybody walk the dinosaur, Open the door, get on the floor, Everybody walk the dinosaur,"
"Open the door, get on the floor, Everybody walk the dinosaur, Open the door, get on the floor, Everybody walk the dinosaur,"
You and Lyra sang as you did the dinosaur right in their living room.
"Wow, you're right Lyra," Bon Bon said as she looked over at Lyra, who was on the floor doing the dinosaur right next to her. "This is fun."
-Fast Forward to Present-
Yeah, as much as you would like to, you really don't have time right now. You've got somewhere you have to be.
Looks like it's time to get a move on.
Go ahead and get dressed. I wonder if Lyra will be fazed by your naked wong.
After that, let's get moving I guess. Walk outside, observe surroundings, realize you have no idea where you're going, and ask for directions.
Since this moment of silence doesn't seem to be going anywhere, you head upstairs to get dressed. You consider whether or not you should take a shower right now, since you are gonna be working on a farm most of the day and you're gonna be going to a party later so more than likely you'll probably do a better job of freshening up again before you go. In the end, you decide to take a quick, five minute one just to get cleaned up really quick. You'll take another shower later when you get back. Luckily, Lyra and Bon Bon's shower is much bigger than yours, so you have no trouble fitting in it.
Once you're done with your shower, you walk out to see Lyra standing there brushing her mane in front of a mirror. She doesn't say anything to you, and even though she can clearly see you in the mirror, she doesn't seem at all fazed by your naked wong. You think that's kind of odd at first given how these ponies have acted before, but then you remember two important things.
1.) Lyra's seen it before. She saw it when you first met her remember.
2.) These ponies are naked all the time, so seeing that probably doesn't faze them as much. Unless they are in heat, which shouldn't be a problem for you now since the spell is gone.
Either way, you still throw a towel over yourself and walk on out. You notice Bon Bon hop in the shower after you leave. She doesn't really seem to have an issue with closing the door as she enters the shower either. Then you watch as Lyra walks right past you and gets in the shower with her. These ponies can be strange sometimes.
That done, you throw on the work clothes that Rarity gave you. They fit surprisingly well, and are surprisingly comfortable too. You wonder to yourself how she could have made these for you, but then you remember that she still had your suit, so more than likely she still had your measurements and was able to make this. Now you're just left wondering when she found the time to make these. You also put on the boots, which are also surprisingly comfortable.
Get Lyra and Bon Bon to tell you where it is, then ask them to take you there. Don't forget to grab your knife, you only just got out of danger yesterday (So far as you know) and now that you have a belt, it will stay at your hip better. Also ask them if they have a hat you can borrow, working an apple farm in the sun is brutal.
Of course you decide to pack your knife with you. You only got out of danger yesterday, so you as far as you know, you have no idea if you'll still need it. Plus, it stays on your hip better now since you have a belt. You let it hang on your right side for now.
swear you got a map earlier somewhere in the story.
If not, Lyra and Bon Bon might give you directions.
When you get to the farm, channel your inner John Marston. It might make you more suited to farm work in some way or form.
Seconding
Try to get Lyra or Bon Bon to escort you to Sweet Apple Acres. If they can't, you should still be okay. You have that map from earlier, and as for getting through town, just keep channeling The Doctor. No one can wade through awkward situations OR play things by ear quite like The Doctor can.
You had a compass, not a map, and you still have it. It's in your left hand pocket. You're not gonna let that go, you figure you still might have some use for it.
Once you're done getting dressed, Lyra and Bon Bon come downstairs to see you standing here, both of them wearing a pair of saddlebags.
"Wow," Bon Bon says as she lays her eyes on you. "You look nice."
"Thank you," you reply back. You do have to admit, these clothes do make you feel pretty boss. Then again, the suit Rarity made for you made you feel that way as well. This isn't bad in any way, but you really are starting to wonder now if she really is just trying to butter you up so she can have her way with you again. You make a note of that to find out about that later.
Ask Lyra and Bon Bon to escort you to AJ's farm and engage in healthy conversation as you go.
Step 1: Ask Lyra and Bon Bon where Applejack's farm is, since you need to go there to work. Step 2: After getting directions, ask if either of them has the time to escort you there, as you still don't feel completely safe walking around Ponyville alone, given everything that's happened to you here. Step 3: ??? Step 4: Profit.
Lets do the time warp again ... or you can just ask Lyra and Bon Bon for directions. Also wouldn't hurt to get into those work clothes before you go.
Try to get Lyra or Bon Bon to escort you to Sweet Apple Acres. If they can't, you should still be okay. You have that map from earlier, and as for getting through town, just keep channeling The Doctor. No one can wade through awkward situations OR play things by ear quite like The Doctor can.
Action: Talk to Lyra and Bon-Bon "Can you guys show me the way to AppleJack's Place? I still have a debt to pay and I intend to do so."
Now that they are both here, since you don't exactly know your way to Applejack's farm, you might as well as one of them to show you were it is. After all, you trust them.
"Hey, uh..." You begin to ask them. "Do you think you guys can show me the way to Applejack's place?" Both Lyra and Bon Bon look at you with confusion as you say that.
"You don't know where it is?" Bon Bon asks.
"Yeah, uh, I was kind of knocked out when I got there, and then I sort of had to run away cause one of Twilight's friends showed up..." You do your best to try and explain the situation. "So I really wasn't paying much attention to where I was going. Plus I-"
"Plus, since you just got off the hook yesterday, you don't exactly feel comfortable walking into town by yourself," Lyra finishes for you. You're kind of embarrassed to admit it, but she's right.
"Yeah..." you say.
"Sorry," Bon Bon says to you. "But I really need to get to work. Since you've been here I've been taking a few days off, but now I really need to get back."
"You work?" you say to her, genuinely curious.
"Of course," she says as a bright smile lights up her face. "I own a candy store in town. You should come by, I make the best Bon Bons."
"She does," Lyra says. "Nopony makes bon bons like Bon Bon here." You can't help but laugh out loud at that statement. Seriously, it was kind of funny. Both Lyra and Bon Bon join in too. "I'll show you where it is." Lyra then says to you. You just look at her. "I'm not doing anything else right now, so I'll show you the way, and I can understand if you're a little nervous about going out right now."
"Thanks," you say to her.
"Hey, no problem," Lyra says. "It's what I do." You can't help but silently agree. It is what she does.
"I guess we should get going then," Bon Bon says as she heads towards the door. You and Lyra follow her.
As you leave the house, you meet( possibley because you're channeling the Doctor) a certain walled-eye, gray pegasus(Derpy) delivering the mail. You feel a strange connection with this pony and decide to explore it, if not now, then later.
Right as you open the door however, you find yourself staring into the face of a grey pegasus with a blonde mane and a satchel around her neck. She's looking right up at you, or at least, one of her eyes is looking up at you. The other one seems to be looking off to the right somewhere. If you didn't know any better, you would say that this particular pegasus is cross eyed.
The two of you remain silent for a few moments as she looks right up at you. You have absolutely no idea why, but you feel a strange urge to hug this pony.
"Hey Derpy," Lyra says as she walks around you. Bon Bon follows around you on the other side.
"Hey Lyra, hey Bon Bon," the grey pegasus says to them. Even her voice is adorable. My god you didn't think that any of these ponies could be more adorable than Fluttershy, but this pony.... "Who's your friend?" she then asks them.
"Oh, this is Jason," Lyra says to her. "He's a human."
"Oh, so you're Jason the human," Derpy says to you.
"Uh... yeah..." is all you can say back.
"You look funny," she says to you with a giggle. You want to say something to her, but all you can think of right now is 'MY GOD SHE IS SO GOD DAMNED ADORABLE!!!'
"So," Bon Bon finally says. "What brings you here, Derpy?"
"Oh right!" Derpy says as if an imaginary lightbulb went off in her head. "I brought you a letter." she says to them before digging her head into her satchel and coming back out with a letter between her teeth. Lyra just takes it from her with her telekinesis, looks at it for a moment, and then floats it behind her into the house.
"Thank you Derpy," she says to her.
"No problem," Derpy replies back before she takes off back into the air. "Bye Jason!" she calls out to you. "I'll see you at the party!" and with that, she is gone. You cannot help but stare up at her as she flies away. By God she is adorable.
"Anyway," Bon Bon finally says. "Bye guys!" That finally breaks you out of the sudden seizure you feel as if you are about to have. You then watch as Bon Bon turns to leave.
"Bye, Bonny!" Lyra calls out to her.
"Bye!" You call out as well as you wave.
"All right, lets go," Lyra says as she trots off.
"Right," you say as you follow her.
As the two of you walk off into town. You take some time to look around. You do have to admit, this town does look nice when you're not running through it scared for your life. You do get quite a lot of stares from the other ponies, but that's to be expected since you're a foreign species. You suppose you're gonna get a lot more of it at the party later tonight.
Since Lyra & Bon-Bon are the nearest ponies you can ask where Sweet Apple Acres is, ask them if they can escort you to said farm (while making sure you're changed into your farm-work clothes. Along the way your "The Doctor" character starts having you talk about near incessant things, but something completely strange happens, possibly because of the character you're channeling or just because of karma, or possibly because of shear dumb luck. As you're walking along with the green and cream duo, and after you stop talking, you zone out for a bit and put your gaze upon the various passerby's, you then see a tanish-brown colored pony talking to a pegasus who's blonde maned, has a grey coat, and has bubbles for a cutie mark. Now this would definitely not seem too important to actually involve yourself in or even give attention, and you continue walking to your temp-job at this point, but something the brown one does makes you slow down in shear amazement (even close to stopping outright): he talks. Now this doesn't seem very exciting to you at first, as of course he could talk, but it's his VOICE that astounds you the most, as it most DEFINITELY sounds like the Tenth Doctor......the 10th doctor......you continue to walk while silently fangasm-ing, and just before you're out of his talk range, you could've sworn you heard an "ALONS-Y".
Along the way though, you notice Derpy again talking to a chestnut colored stallion with an hourglass on his rump and a dark brown mane. This doesn't seem out of place at all, and not to important to involve yourself with, so you continue walking with Lyra to your temporary job, but then something happens. You hear his voice.
It's not the fact that he can talk that gets you, it's what he sounds like. You listen in closer for a moment, he sounds EXACTLY like David Tennant, the tenth Doctor.
'My god!!!' you think to yourself. 'It can't be...' As you get closer though, you notice that his voice sounds more like this.
You can't help but feel slightly disappointed at that for whatever reason. A pony version of The Doctor would have been awesome. You quickly shrug it off though, you suppose its just how it is with that pony. Right before you are out of earshot though, you can swear you hear him say "ALONS-Y!" but you don't get your hopes up. A pony version of The Doctor.... its not like that could happen..... no..... not really.....
As you walk with the par to he farm. "lyra how dow you know su much about humans. heck i didn't even know all that about centaurs."
As you walk, you decide to strike up a conversation with Lyra.
"Hey, Lyra," you say to her. She just looks up at you. "How do you know so much about humans? I mean hell, I didn't even know anything about centaurs."
"Fascinating," you say to her, intrigued. She really did tell you some pretty amazing stuff.
"Yeah," she says. "I never thought I'd get to meet an actual human though." she says as she looks up at you.
"Yeah," is all you can reply back.
"Anyway, we're here," Lyra says as the two of you stop on the road to Applejack's farm. The territory around is is starting to look familiar, and you can see the farmhouse out in the distance. "You think you can make it on your own from here?" Lyra asks. "I've got to go meet a friend." You just look down at her for a moment, then at the farmhouse, then back to her, then back to the farmhouse.
"Yeah," you say. "I think I got it." It's only a short stretch of land, and a shorter walk. What could possibly happen.
"Great," Lyra says. "I'll see you when you get home." As she says that, she turns around and starts heading back. "Bye!" she says as she wave to you.
"Bye," you politely wave back to her as she trots away. You wonder to yourself for a moment who she could be going to meet. For whatever reason, your mind goes back to the conversation you saw her have with Fluttershy last night. Meh, whatever, you still have a job to get to.
Thankfully, nothing happened to you on the short walk over to there. Of course nothing would. You feel kind of silly for worrying now.
Anyway, you walk on up to the barn and notice Applejack and Big Macintosh pulling out the cart that you were carrying around before. They seem as if they're about to get started for the day.
What do you do?
"Hi commenters! Pinkie Pie here. Sorry Razor couldn't make Jason do the dinosaur, but now's not really the time or place for it. Even I notice that. Besides, I'm throwing him a party tonight remember... wink, wink, nudge, nudge, if you know what I mean. *impossibly wide smile* Anyway. I have a lot to do to get ready for that party, so I have to go. Of course you're all invited, so don't worry your furry little heads about that. Anyway, I really have to go. Party planning is serious business. Bye bye!!!" *zips off to nowhere*
Once again, please leave all comments relating where to go in the previous chapter. Why yes, I am going to keep reminding you of that every time I do this. Get used to it. Like the sand.... it's everywhere.
You feel like you should greet them. You've got quite a debt to pay there, and you better get started on paying it back. Besides, the commentors think you shoul to... Wait, what?
Suddenly everything goes white.
"You know too much." She says. Solid Snake stands behind her, and nods, because he's Solid Snake, duh.
You wake up from your daydream. What were you thinking about, again? Whatever. You should propably go greet them.
You suppose should go on and greet them. After all you do have a lot of work to do today, might as well get started. Plus, the commenters think that...
Suddenly everything goes white and the world around you disappears.
"You know too much," you suddenly hear the voice of Pinkie Pie say behind you. You turn around to look at her, but the second you do, suddenly you're staring ahead again at Applejack and Big Macintosh coming out of the barn with the cart behind them. That was a weird daydream.
What were you doing again?
Stroll up to them and say "I'm ready to help you ALLONS-Y
Walk up to Applejack and ask "Alright, what's first?" (She replies) "Alright then. Allons-y!
You decide to walk up to them and start the morning right with a funny sitcom entrance:
"Heeeeeerrrree's Jason!" You proclaim while jumping in front of them and pointing both thumbs towards yourself, at this point you realize you look like a massive dork, but it's too late now, just hold the pose.
Big Mac chuckles lightly, but AJ just rolls her eyes Laugh awkwardly as you break the stupid pose then ask if they have a spare hat you could borrow for work today.
Action: Greet AppleJack and Big Mac
You go up to them and say "I, Jason, the guardian of Justice, has ARRIVED!"
*crickets during the awkward silence, Big Mac silently chuckles while AJ just rolls her eyes*
You suppose should go on and greet them, after all you do have a lot of work to do today, might as well get started. You walk right on up to them to let them know that you're there.
Right as you're about to say 'hi' to them, something.... well not exactly terrible, but kind of unexpected happens. Applejack turns over and looks at you, and she's actually smiling.
"Howdy Jason," she says in a rather cheerful tone. "Almost thought ya'll weren't gonna show." While you can understand why she said that, she's still smiling while she does. Now that you think about it, this is the first time you've actually seen her smile since you've met her. This isn't bad in any way, but it kind of takes you back a bit.
Unfortunately, it also kind of messes up the silly entrance you were planning on making....
"Yes, I... Jason Morgan, the guardian of justice, HAVE ARRIVED!!!" You shout for no reason as you walk up to them and point both thumbs to yourself. You realize now that you pretty much made yourself look like a massive dork, but its too late now. The moment has come and gone.
You notice Big Macintosh chuckling to himself at your antics while Applejack just rolls her eyes. You laugh awkwardly to yourself a little before you drop the pose and just stand normally.
"Nice clothes," Applejack says to her, her smile returned. "Where'd yah get em?"
"Oh, these," you respond. "Rarity made them for me."
"Rairty..." is all Applejack responds with. "Could 'ave guessed. Still, ya'll look nice in em."
"Thanks," you reply. This is weird, she really is being nice. "Oh, hey, before I forget." you say as you walk over to Big Macintosh and hand him his clothes back. Thank god you remembered to bring them. "Thanks, but I don't think I'll be needed them anymore." you say to him.
He just looks down at his clothes for a moment before taking them in his teeth and tossing them onto his back.
"Thank you," he replies as he walks over to the farmhouse, presumably to put them away. Now that you think about it, this is the first time you've actually heard him speak. His voice is incredibly deep, but you kind of expected that. For a pony as friggin huge as he is, that type of voice fits him nicely.
With him gone, you turn your attention back to Applejack.
"So, what are we doing today?" you ask her. " You need me to pull the cart again?" You really aren't looking forward to that, but you-
"Nah, don't worry about that," Applejack responds, again with a smile. "Big Mac's got cart duties today. We just need ya'll to help us with gatherin apples. Shouldn't be too hard." You can feel your eyes try to widen out of your head as that statement hits you. You're not about to say anything of object (you've just be handed an opportunity to not pull the cart, of course you are gonna take it), but her sudden change in attitude is kind of freaking you out a little. "Uhh... Jason." Applejack says to you. Her voice breaks you out of your little trance there.
"Wha..." you say like an idiot. "Oh, yeah right. Umm... thanks." At that, Applejack just smiles kindly at you before responding.
"No problem, it's what we do." At that, Big Macintosh comes back and walks up right next to her.
After Applejack and Big Mac tell you what you're going to do today, you develop the sudden urge to say "Geronimo" as a result of channeling the Doctor. Unfortunately, your hollering angers the United State's Army's 509th Parachute Infantry Regiment, who fly by in a Boeing C-17 Globemaster III shouting "You'll never be as cool as us!"
"Right," you say, as you feel ready to go. "Well then." You suddenly turn around to face the endless orchard of apple trees. "GERONIMO!!!" you shout.
-Meanwhile, back on Earth-
A United States Army's 509th parachute infantry regiment flying in a Boeing C-17 Globemaster III suddenly feel themselves get incredibly angry for no particular reason right as they are about to jump.
"YOU'LL NEVER BE AS COOL AS US!!!" one of them shouts right as he jumps out of the plane.
"WHY IN GOD AND SATAN'S NAME DID YOU YELL THAT, PRIVATE!!!" another soldier yells at him as he jumps out too.
"I DON'T KNOW SIR!!!" The first soldier responds.
-Meanwhile, back on Equestria-
"What now?" Applejack says as you turn back to look at her. The look on her face pretty much embodies the expression 'The f**k you just say?'
"Oh, sorry," you say to her. Though you have no idea why you feel the need to say sorry. "Allons-y!" you say instead as you head out into the orchard. Applejack and Big Macintosh just share one confused glance at each other before following. Big Macintosh carrying the empty cart behind him.
Eventually, the three of you get to a spot out in the orchard where you suppose they're going to buck the apple trees. You help them as they set up the wooden baskets around the trees. They seem to be strategically placing them, so you do your best to follow what they are doing. They don't correct you, so you guess that you're doing a pretty good job.
Try really really really hard not to fuck up, and then do so anyway...
Murphies law came to bite you on the ass and you apparently trip on a unsuspecting stump and trip into a tree knocking each and every apple out, with your bloody face
Unfortunately, Murphy's law seems to have it in for you at the moment, because as you're carrying another basket over to another tree, you trip over an unsuspecting stump that you didn't even notice and fall forwards, head first, right into a tree.
You head hits the tree, and you hit the ground shortly afterwards.
you yell them so that they notice you. you Start walking towards them and watch as they wave back. Now why are they yelling something abo- Your head hits a low hanging branch and you fall on the ground. You can see small pinkie pies hopping around your head. one of them even waves at you. You just shake your head so that they vanish. (you don't notice, but the one who waved to you hides inside one of your pockets.) Applejack runs to you and helps you up. (everyone needs their own inner pinkie [Creepy laugh that only protagonist hears].)
You feel your head spin a bit as you lay there. You then start to see small versions of Pinkie Pie hopping around your head. One of them even waves at you. You must have hit your head harder than you thought.
"OW!" you scream aloud as you shake your head, which makes them all vanish. You don't notice this however, but the one that waved at you suddenly dives right into one of your pockets.
"JASON!" Applejack suddenly call out and rushes towards you, Big Macintosh at her side. From the ground you look up and notice the look on her face. She seems genuinely concerned. Ya'll okay!?" she asks you, the concern present in her voice too. Also, you think you can hear Pinkie Pie giggle, though she's clearly not here so you don't know where that came from.
"Yeah," you say to her as you get back to your feet. "Yeah, I'm okay." Despite hallucinating a moment ago (seriously, what the hell was that?), your head doesn't really hurt all that much from hitting the tree, and it doesn't feel like you're bleeding. Hell, compared to most falls you've taken, this is nothing.
"Yah sure?" Applejack says. "That was a mighty hard fall yah took." Okay, this is strange now. She actually is legitimately concerned for your well being. This is starting to freak you out a little now.
Between the pain in your head and the fact that you know that there is work to be done, you decide not to question it now. You definitely will later, though.
"Yeah, yeah I'm sure," you say to her as you pick up the basket and set it down next to the tree. All the while, Applejack just keeps staring at you with that look of concern. After a few moments of it though, she gets back to work herself.
The rest of the morning goes by quickly as you all get to work. Mostly what you've been doing is helping collect the baskets of apples and loading them back onto the cart. Since you have hands, this task is much easier for you than for the two of them. So basically your day has amounted to loading up baskets of apples onto the cart, walking with them as they take the cart back, and then helping them take the baskets off. This is friggin easy compared to what you were doing before.
There were even a few other things Applejack had you do around her farm that didn't have to do with gathering apples. Feed the pigs, oil up the bands for the cider press (my god that thing was huge), fixing a fence that you can remember not being broken the last time you were here, and chopping some wood, which was what you were doing now.
They even gave you lunch, and MY BY THE BEARD OF ZEUS THOSE APPLE PIES WERE DELICIOUS!!!
Since you can't buck apples like the ponies find a sledgehammer then channle your inner Thor and exclaim, "Heed my words, evildoers! If thou dost wish to challenge the Odinson, thou will face the divine power of mighty MJOLNIR! Never shall the god of thunder RELENT!" Then, smash it against a tree.
"HEED MY WORDS, EVILDOERS! IF THOUGH DOST WISH TO CHALLENGE THE ODINSON, THOUGH WILL FACE THE DIVINE POWER OF MIGHTY MJOLNIR! NEVER SHALL THE GOD OF THUNDER RELENT!!!" You shout with all of your manly might as you bring the axe down and chop the log in front of you cleanly in half. Man you're filling up the reference barrel today.
You didn't expect to be good at chopping wood, but you're doing a pretty damn good job of it if you do say so yourself.
"Umm..." you turn around to see Applejack standing there looking a little more than confused. Apparently, she saw you make that whole speech.
"Oh..." you say as you nervously laugh to yourself and turn around to face her. "Hey Applejack, what's up."
"Hey Jason," Applejack just responds.
"You need something?" you ask her, but she doesn't say anything back. You look closer at her. She's not looking at you, hell, she's looking everywhere but you. Not only that, but the expression on her face seems to have changed. She's not smiling, and she's not really angry either. If anything, you'd say she looks sad. The fact that she spends most of her time looking towards the ground also helps with that assumption.
Tell her about the debt thing in this >>2381300 . I would like to see what the element of Honesty has to say about the fairness in placing accountability of what happened to her stand on Jason, given the circumstances at the time.
"Appleja-" you say to her before she interrupts you.
"Look, Jason," she says to you. "I just wanna say I'm sorry." Okay, this is getting strange now. Now you actually wanna hear what she has to say. "It ain't fair to blame you for what happened in the market a few days ago. Everypony..." she looks up at you right as she says the next part. "And human I suppose, that got caught up in that was a victim of circumstance. Especially you." She pauses for a moment and looks back down at the ground before she continues. "Ya'll really don't have any kind of obligation to be workin here if you don't want to. You're helpin us out, and Ah appreciate it, Ah really do. But..." she really pauses for a moment before she says her next few words. "Ya'll don't have to keep on workin here if yah don't want to. T'aint anymore fair to you than it is tah me."
You're kind of taken aback by that. You did not expect her to say something like that, not to you at least. Yeah, she is right, you were a victim of circumstance, but to be honest, you do feel bad for destroying her stand and a lot of her apples. Yeah, it was hard working here when she had you carrying that cart around, but you're not doing that anymore, so it's not like that's an issue. If anything, working here's been a little pleasant (aside from falling into that tree earlier).
Also, she really does seem depressed. Like really. She's not showing you her face, but you can swear that's the saddest you've ever seen her.
Charge toward her at the speed of sound, pick her up, super jump into the air, and hug the FUCK out of that farmer pony. Then proceed to help out on the farm.
What he COULD so is say "applejack" in a calm tone like he's also a bit sad about something, touch her chin and slowly bring her sight to your face, and say "applejack, I am sorry for what happened during that time. I didn't and couldn't even think of what would result in what I did and from that, I hurt your feelings, and that is something I am sorry for. While I do realize that I am not at fault, and am not obligated (forcefully like "you either pay back this debt, or your legs go to the ocean, with your body staying behind") to help you....the unspoken man-code of humans that I go by obligates me to relieve you of the sadness and negative feelings brought onto you by this event." You take the time to gently wipe the corners of her eyes clean, as she was slightly tearing up at your explanation at this point; you continue, "applejack, I am sorry for what I did before, but it was necessary to survive and run away from twilight; had I known this would've happened earlier due to some fortune of fate, I would've planned better, but believe me when I say this: Until I have completely secured myself in your good graces, and your families good graces (brother included), I will continue to help you with anything on the farm, even if it means I don't get payed a single bit/cent. From what I remember (insert remembrance of a moment in which you learned from lyra & bon-bon what the elements of harmony were and their respective bearers) rarity is the element of generosity, well I am giving you my generosity, and my honesty, as proof that I am saying the truth. I've worked (in a sense) too hard to earn the trust from lyra & bon-bon, and managed to gain yours, and I don't want to break it now, or ever" After saying this, you pull her into a hug which is full of whatever kindness, generosity and calmness you can muster. Applejack's eyes seem to water over at this, and she hugs you back while thanking you for this. It seems that little speech of yours has managed to alleviate her fears, and possibly strengthened the bonds of friendship between you and her, perhaps by this, you have gained another ally to confide yourself in, and possibly hang out with, only time will tell if your decision won't go "Newton's Third Law" on you and roast your ass into a fine turkey dinner.....No Homo
Tell her it's OK and that pulling the cart and picking the apples is the least he could do for her because not only did she harbor you away in your time of need (albeit against your will, but you let that go because of the circumstances at the time), she also came to your aid in the forest and she never tried to molest you, not to mention the delicious apple pies you've been given, so you tell her you appreciate her help and give her a hug. Since she says you've got no debt to repay tell her she can still come to you if she ever needs help with something, hands are a universal tool here it seems. If she still looks sad or nervous, ask her if there's something else bugging her and try to comfort her.
Hug the poor mare.
Sweep the pony into a hug before you die from adorableness. Inner Batman is screaming something about a pansy. You don't care.
You kneel and look the sad mare before you. Take hold of her chin and gently rise it so that she looks you in the eye. Smile gently and say " Applejack. I'm working here because i want, not because i have to." you sigh and turn to look up. After while you continue. " I felt bad that i had to break your cart and wanted to pay you back." After this smile to her. Suddenly you hear pinkies voice. "Daaw~w, That was so cute. Are you going to kiss her?" The voice asks. you whip your head around, but can't see Pinkie anywhere. Finally you just shake your head and think that you have been too long in sun.
Rational Action: Talk it out with her. Renegade Action: Hug the sadness out of the pony. -- This is what the two decisions are.
Reassure her you want to help on the farm because you did break her stand, even if it was an accident. Then hug her.
GIVE HER A GOD DAMN HUG!!!
Hugs. Hugs everywhere.
HUGGLES!!! Then pat her on the head and say "that'll do pony, that'll do.
work off the debt anyways, feel better knowing ya did some good and it gives ya a pill of good karma... ahhh karma see even Pinkie Pie agrees- wait... when did she show up? nothing weird happened just going to pretend she was never there- shutting up now
You swear you can hear your inner 11th Doctor kick himself in the knee for hating apples
Channel your inner hulk and shout: HULK HUG!
Plant a kiss on her cheek and say, "'Tweren't nothin'." Then hug her and ask, "What's up?"
SET PHASERS TO HUG!!!
That Cowgirl needs a Hug!
Give her a hug.
Also, Tell her that she needs to get Twilight to pay her back for the stand. That mare's got a royal stipend after all!
You let out a slight smile and give her a hug. Heck she shouldn't worry about it, at least not THAT much.
"Don't worry about it. I don't really mind working that much" you lie. what ever just make her feel better
Tell her its alright, and that you are glad to help. Despite everything, Applejack's has honestly help despite the Heat spell applied to you during the time. Be sure to give her a hug!
OR ELSE...
HUG THE APPLE LOVING SHIT OUT OF HER!!!!!!! After that pull a cookie out from behind her ear to cheer her up some more! This thoroughly confuses you... Out of the corner of your eye you see a miniature pinkie pie floating in mid air, she gives you a wink and disappeared
Jason: Its fine AJ I really don't mind working here. In fact I was think if I can maybe get a job here. You know I might be here a while and well ... I need a job so I can buy me some food and cloths. AJ: Well if ya insist Jason: I INSIST!!!!!! Then procced to hug AJ not to tight and not to softly just the right amount of hug Then start working once again P.S. Why do I have the feeling that AJ is being seduced by this guys looks and charms? OH GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN MAN RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Kneel before the sad, orange farm pony, look her in those adorable emerald eyes and say to her in the most gentle tone you can muster and tell her, "Applejack, I know that although this is true, I still owe a debt that must be paid. It's my fault that your stand was ruined. You brought me here earlier for a reason, to pay off the debt I owe. I still owe this debt and it will be repayed at all costs." then at that moment you hug the crap out of that pony like you mean it and take several seconds to release. All the while Big Mac is right there, but you don't mind him being there at the moment.
She apologized. Use fancy psychology (I'm sure the Doc knows some) and hug her or something as positive reinforcement for being fair.
Simply state "I'll help ya for the rest of the day" then run up and hug the living ************ out ta her
Give her a hug and a pat on the back.
The longer you look at her like this, the more it pains you to see it. She really does look legitimately depressed.
Then suddenly, it hits you. You know what to do. In fact, you mentally kick yourself in the head several times for not thinking of this first.
With your mind set on what to do, you let out a deep breath to relax and set down the axe on the stump you've been cutting on. You then get up, walk on over to Applejack, then get down on one knee so that you are eye level with her.
"Applejack," you say to her in the kindest possible voice you can muster up.
"Yeah," Applejack replies as you lifts her head up a little. Before she can say anymore, you reach forward, throw your arms around her neck, and pull her into a big hug. Almost immediately Applejack tenses up, she's clearly not used to this. Despite that though, she doesn't push away, and she doesn't struggle in any conceivable way.
Since she doesn't push you away, you don't see a reason to stop. You hug the ever loving apples out of her. You hug her like you've never hugged any of these ponies before. You hug her like you mean it, and you really do.
"Daaw~w, That's so cute. Are you going to kiss her?" The voice of Pinkie Pie suddenly asks from out of nowhere. Kind of surprised to hear that, you open your eyes back up (you had instinctively closed them when you hugged her) and looked around. You don't see her anywhere. "Oh, wait, what was I thinking? That would be a teensy bit counter productive to the whole 'no nookie with a pony' thing. Still, it does deserve a daawwww. In fact here, I'll give you another one. *inhales* Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww." You still don't see her anywhere. You decide to just ignore it for now.
"It's okay Applejack," you say to her as you keep hugging her. She still seems a little tense though, so after a few more moments you pull away so you can look her in her face. Your arms still on her shoulders though.
Tell her that you want to help out. Sure, when you were pulling the cart - which you aren't physically adapted to do well in the first place - the work was pretty miserable, but today it has not only been pleasant but also enjoyable. Obviously, this is bothering her, but you want to help out. You really have nothing else to do with your time until you have a way home - or, alternatively, you are on your own feet here as far as this being a new life (trying not to think about that, of course) - and just idling around doesn't agree with you. Besides, if helping out here means getting to eat more of those apple pies, then who's complaining?
If Applejack still is feeling down, tell her there is something she can do with you to make everything better. Then Walk the Buckin' Dinosaur with AJ!
Forgive, Forget, see if you can do this as a paying job, if not finish the day, and flip the bird to the next heavenly/badass/chaotic being that decides to say your not AWSOME, cuz you are.
Ask Applejack if you can keep working for her, because you might be in this world a while and you don't want to mooch off of Lyra and BonBon. There will be alot of things to buy, like more clothes and weed.
Tell her either you or twilight need to pay for that stand and twilight wont be working anytime soon. Also ask her where twilight is.
You tell her that you won't work for her, but you'll work with her. She helped you, now you're going to help her. That's what friends are for.
Jason: Its fine AJ I really don't mind working here. In fact I was think if I can maybe get a job here. You know I might be here a while and well ... I need a job so I can buy me some food and cloths.
AJ: Well if ya insist
Jason: I INSIST!!!!!!
Then procced to hug AJ not to tight and not to softly just the right amount of hug Then start working once again
P.S. Why do I have the feeling that AJ is being seduced by this guys looks and charms? OH GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN MAN RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Step 1.) Move towards her and pat her shoulder
Step 2.) Sincerely say, "Thank you Applejack. It means a lot to hear you say this."
Step 3.) Stand and smile widely in a mature stance while continuing. "Now, I seem to remember agreeing to help you on the farm. I have the cloths, and I'm already here. So I think we should get back to work don't you? After all..."
Step 4.) Move back over to her, putting her in a one armed hug, "Friends help each other out. You've been fair to me since I wound up on your farm, and have been genuine and honest with me since. If that isn't enough for me to see you as a friend, nothing would. Besides, if I do a good enough job, you might hire me! And until I find a way home, I'll need money to pay back Bon-Bon and Lyra. Let no one say Jason is a moocher!"
Step 5.) Steadfastly ignore the fact you are, in fact, a moocher as you attempt to boss your way out of this.
Step 6.) ???
Step 7.) Profit (For real, as in Job acquisition=salary=profit!!)
Step 8.) DANCE YOU FOOL, DANCE!! (You know the one...)
"You don't have to worry about it. I'm here because I want to be, not because I have to." you begin to tell her. "I mean, yeah, you're right, it wasn't really my fault, but I still broke your stand." You pause for a moment before continuing. "I wasn't even thinking about what I was doing or what would result from it. I hurt your feelings, and for that, I'm sorry. I really am sorry." You pause for another moment and look into her eyes. "Yet, despite all that, you still helped me." At that, the look on her face changes to one of confusion. "You could have given me to Twilight anytime, but you didn't, and last night in the forest, you still came to my aid despite what I did. You helped me, so now I'm going to help you. You've been fair to me since I wound up on your farm, and you've been been genuine and honest with me when none of the others would, so I am going to help you." From the look on her face, she honestly doesn't look like she can believe what she is hearing.
"Besides," you say to somewhat lighten the mood. "I still owe you for that stand. It's either me or Twilight that needs to pay for it, and it doesn't look like Twilight will be working soon, and it's not like I have anything else I can do until she decides to send me home, so until I'm secured in you and your families good graces, I'm going to keep working for you until I pay off the debt I owe you." She still looks surprised as hell to hear what you are saying. "Besides, I really don't mind working here. Sure when you had me pulling that cart it was pretty miserable, but today, it wasn't only pleasant, but enjoyable. So until I pay off my debt to you and your family, I insist on helping you out around here. Even if it means I don't get paid."
There's a moment of silence between you as Applejack takes that all in. The look on her face still one of surprise and shock.
"Jason-" she says to you.
"I insist," you say before she can get any more words out. She doesn't respond to you after that. She just keeps staring at you in a mixture of surprise and shock. It's like she really can't believe what you just told her.
In an effort to lighten the mood, you reach behind her right ear and pull out a cookie. Only after the fact that you actually do it do you realize what you've just done. You stare at the cookie for a moment, thoroughly confused. Then suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you notice a miniature version of Pinkie Pie floating in mid air. She gives you a quick wink before disappearing in a puff of pink smoke.
"Jason..." Applejack says to you. You're about to respond, but then suddenly, against all odds, Applejack throws her hooves around you and pulls you in for a hug. Now it's your turn to be surprised. You honestly didn't expect this. Applejack doesn't say anything to you, but you think you can feel her smiling on your shoulder. Don't ask how you're able to do that, you just feel like you are.
You aren't one to complain though, and after the initial shock wears off, you throw your arms around her and return her hug.
I just noticed something its an apple orchard, the doctor is somewhat cannon, and you are channeling him... "Count the shadows. For God's sake, remember... if you want to live, count the shadows." That is my message for you. Good luck.
As you're hugging Applejack. You look around at all the trees behind her. Now that you think about it, this was a nice place to end up... you could have been-
You just then notice that one of the trees has two shadows.
You look over at it and notice something that... well even by the standards of this world you wouldn't even call normal. Standing in the shadow of the tree. You notice a very tall, lanky stallion. He looks very tall, probably even as tall as you while you're standing. He doesn't appear to have any sort of coat, just very pale skin, and he's also wearing a nicely tailored suit. However, what's most unusual about him... is that he has no face. There's nothing there. No eyes, no mouth, nothing.
"APPLEJACK!!!" The sound of another voice momentarily distracts you for a moment and makes you look away in the direction of the voice. Almost instinctively, you look back at where you saw the faceless, suited stallion, but he's gone. As if he was never even there. "Applejack!" the voice calls out again. It's not a voice you've heard, but still sounds kind of familiar. It has the same southern accent that Applejack does, but sounds much younger.
Then, out of nowhere, from behind one of the trees, another pony comes out.
"There ya-" She stops dead in her tracks the moment she sees you. She's definitely much smaller than Applejack, much smaller. In fact, if you are going to assume that all the ponies you've met are adults, then this pony is definitely a child. She has a yellow coat and a long, red mane. She's also wearing a very large bow on her head. Yeah, definitely a child. You're pretty sure you've never met this small pony, yet, she seems kind of familiar.
Anyway, she just stands there, staring at you. You watch as her eyes shrink down to the size of grains of sand. It only just occurs to you now that this pony was calling out for Applejack, and just walked in on you hugging her. Yeah, if you found someone you knew hugging a species you'd never seen before, you'd probably react like that too. You watch as her pupils get somehow smaller.
Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead- They are fast. Faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink. Good luck.
Commence staring contest.
then say Uh... Its exactly what it looks like.
You just look back into the little pony's eyes. You don't look away, you can't look away. You don't even blink, and neither does she. You two are locked in a battle of wills, and BY GOD YOU THOUGHT BON BON WAS BAD, BUT THIS PONY.... THIS PONY IS TAKING IT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL!!! THIS.... THIS IS A BATTLE FOR THE AGES!!!!
ALL THE GREAT BATTLES OF HISTORY!!! ALL THE GREAT BATTLES YOU'VE KNOWN! YOUR BATTLE AGAINST TWILIGHT!!!
Trust in the force is what you must do. You don't even blink. You can't blink. You blink, and you're dead. If you even blink once....
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
CRAP YOU BLINKED!!!!
Oh, hey, wait... You're still here, and you're still staring at the little yellow pony...
...
...
Yeah, now you just feel kind of silly. The little yellow filly (you think that's the term for a young female pony. You're not sure. You also make a note to try and find out how you're suddenly getting all of this vocabulary from
"Oh, I helped you with that one," says a high pitched, Pinkie Pie-like voice from somewhere around you. You just ignore it though and make a note to figure it out later) is still staring at you. Her pupils are now about as small as they can get. It almost looks like she has no eyes. She really does seem familiar though. You wonder why you can't place it.
"If you keep shrinking your pupils, you'll go blind."
Jason looks at her back and commenses yet another EPIC STARE DOW- no, not now. Instead, Jason frees one arm from the hug and says, " You want a hug too?" then Applejack breaks the hug and turns around to see Applebloom in a shocked state from seeing this. Applejack blushes a bit, but shakes it off and says, "Heh, hey Applebloom... Applebloom?"
Applejack then proceeds to shake Applebloom out of her shocked state and works.
"Applejack!" Applebloom yells, still staring at Jason. Jason, still staring at the young foal, narrows his eyes more and more, almost as if he were trying to stare into Appleblooms soul... but isn't. That's all I got.
"Hey, um..." you begin to say to it. You want to say something to the little filly to break the mood, but you're not quite sure what. "If you keep shrinking your pupils like that, you'll go blind." Great, that's the best you could come up with.
The moment those words leave your mouth, Applejack breaks the hug and turns around to see the yellow filly. You notice her blush a bit from seeing her, but she quickly shakes it off and walks over to her.
Let Applejack do the talking for her. Ask Applejack who the filly is, and hopefully she'll introduce you as well. She doesn't seem comfortable near you.
"Oh uh... Hey Applebloom, wha'cha need?" Applejack asks the little filly, still slightly embarrassed. The little filly doesn't answer. "Applebloom?" Applejack says again. Still no answer. Applejack then walks in a circle around her, still no response. "Applebloo-"
"That's the thing that jumped out of our treehouse!!!" The little yellow filly suddenly shouts as she turns to look at Applejack and points a hoof at you.
You think that she looks familiar. She is one of the apple family --> apple=tree --> tree=house... Apple+tree+house= Treehouse in apple farm. She was one of the three little ponies that you met when you hid in their club house. Suddenly you hear small ding sound. You turn to look right and see again that same small pinkie. just before she vanishes again you notice that she had bell in her hooves.
(I'm trully sorry for all of these pinkie jokes.) (Aww don't be. i'm having fun being in this fic.) (P-pinkie! What are you doing in here. you know you can't come here, the protagonist might hear us.) (Don't worry Tenebris. Razor would never do something like that.) (Creator damn you pinkie! What ever, i'm going to sleep. bye pinkie. how in hell did she even get here? I'm getting a hedache again.) (Bye bye Tenebris. La la la la la la la la la)
"Oh, and hi commenters. Just letting you know I can talk in the comments now too. So I'll be seeing you again. We have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much to talk about. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la."
Suddenly, it all hits you at once. You have seen this little filly before. She was one of the three fillies at that treehouse you hid in the last time you were here... Well, the last time you ran from here. As you realize this, out of nowhere you suddenly hear a "ding" sound, like a bell. You look to your right to see the small floating Pinkie Pie again with a bell in her hooves. Right as you look at her though, as quickly as she had appeared, she's gone again.
Yeah, that was weird. You turn your attention back to the little filly. You didn't get a very good look at them after you jumped out the window, but you're sure enough that she was there. You remember one of them wearing a large bow. You don't remember the other two though.
Also you make a note to return her crayons when you get the chance. You would return them now, but you don't have them on you. You didn't expect to run into this little filly again. Now that you're thinking about it, you don't even know why you took them in the first place.
"That monkey thing!" The little yellow filly yelled at Applejack again. At that, Applejack just laughed to herself and rubbed the back of her head. She then turned her attention over to you again. She still looks slightly embarrassed, though for a different reason. You're just confused.
Sensing the mood, Applejack then puts a hoof around the little filly's shoulder as if to comfort her.
"Sorry," Applejack says to you. "This here's mah liquorice headed little sister Applebloom." she says as she shakes the little yellow filly for seemingly no reason. She then stops and turns her attention to her. "Applebloom, this is Jason, and he aint a monkey, he's a human."
Say Hi
Response: "Oh Hi there!" *laughs nervously*
"Hi," you say to Applebloom as you laugh nervously. You're not really quite sure what to do in this situation. Applebloom is looking up right at you. You didn't notice it before since you were on your knees hugging Applejack, but you are friggin tall compared to this pony. Most of the other adult ponies like Applejack reach more or less chest height for you, but Applebloom, she just barely reaches past your knee. Well, more like a little past your knee but still, you're friggin tall to her.
She doesn't look shocked anymore, as he eyes are normal sized again, but she does look a little intimidated by you. Not that you can blame her though. Still, you don't entirely know what to do in this situation.
Offer the cookie.
Yes, I agree. Offer this yellow filly the cookie.
This. duh.
Then suddenly, you remember the cookie you pulled from behind Applejack's ear (how you did that you're still not sure). You hold it up and look at it for a moment. You look at the cookie, then back to Applebloom, then back at the cookie, then back to Applebloom. Then suddenly to the right of your vision you notice the floating Pinkie Pie nodding so far that her head seems as if it's threatening to come off. You look away from her and back at Applebloom, who is still staring up at you.
As you look at her, you just smile and bend down so that you're eye level with her, though even then she's still smaller than you by a bit. You then extend your arm out to offer her the cookie. She nudges back a bit, which isn't that unexpected really. She looks at the cookie for a moment, then past the cookie and right at you, then back at the cookie, then back to you, then back at the cookie, then back to-
"Go on," Appejack suddenly says to her. Applebloom just looks up at her. Applejack just offers her a warm smile in response. "He aint gonna hurt yah." Applebloom just looks up at her sister for a moment, then back to you, then back to the cookie. You just keep smiling at her, assuring her that you're not gonna hurt her. Not that you would anyway, you know that if you do, you'll have to deal with Applejack and Big Macintosh after all. You've seen them buck all the apples out of trees, you really don't want them to do that to you.
After a few moments of staring, Applebloom leans her head forward, and with some hesitation, bites down on the cookie and takes it from your hands. You then watch her eat it all in one go. Kind of strange considering she only held it with her mouth, but still. Once she finishes the cookie, she lets out a sigh and looks at you, noticeably less intimidated than before.
"Thank yah mister," Applebloom says as politely as she can.
"No problem," you respond as you stand back up, once again towering over her. You look down at her and keep smiling. She's still smiling back up at you.
You then look up and back at the trees from earlier. You don't see anything there. No other ponies at all, and all the shadows appear to be exactly as they should be. It's weird, you even blink again to see if anything will happen, but nothing does. No ponies in suits appear either. You can swear you saw something though.
"So, Applebloom," Applejack asks. Her talking takes your attention away from the trees. "What was it yah needed?"
"Oh right!" Applebloom exclaims as she turns around to face her sister. "Do we have anymore rope? We're all gonna try fer animal capturin cutie marks today and-"
"A cutie what now?" The moment those words leave your mouth, Applebloom spins around again and looks at you again. The look she's giving you is one that suggests that you just asked what the hell the sky was.
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A CUTIE MARK IS!?" She asks as loud as she can. Apparently she's not longer intimidated by you if she can yell at you.
"Can't say that I do," you respond.
From there, you spent the next fifteen minutes listening to Applebloom give you a complete and thorough (or at least thorough in her mind) explanation of what a cutie mark is. Apparently its those marks that these ponies have on their rumps, and it's supposed to represent their "special talent" as she referred to it. Apparently, these cutie marks just appear one day when a pony finds out what their special talent is, and since Applebloom doesn't have one, then she's still trying to discover what hers is.
With this new information you try to think for a moment about all the different cutie marks you've seen. Lyra's cutie mark seemed to be a lyre (you're getting support from the Greek Gods you better know what a lyre is), Bon Bon's seemed to be candy, and Applejack here had apples on her rump, as did Big Macintosh, hence their names you guess. You're about to suggest that maybe Applebloom's cutie mark might have something to do with apples, but before you can say anything she suddenly takes off. Something about "cutie mark crusaders," whatever that is.
From there, you spend the rest of the day doing more work for Applejack. All the while, you never see the suited pony again. You're not sure why, but he's really bothering you. It's a weird feeling you can't describe, you're getting a bad feeling about this.
Still, you brush it off and continue working, as you feel a rather strong reluctance to bother Applejack about it. After a couple more hours, she sends you home. You say you can do more work for her, but she insists on the pretense that you have a party to get too later, which you can't really argue with. You do however, say that you will come back and help her again tomorrow, which she accepts after you keep insisting on it. As you leave though, she and Big Macintosh offer you a freshly backed apple pie, which you gratefully accept (only an idiot wouldn't take it. Seriously, THESE PIES ARE DELICIOUS!!!). They pack it in a white box for you and send you on your way. You wave to them as you leave, and they wave back. They actually seem like really nice company when a life threatening situation isn't on the line. Especially one that puts them at odds with you.
As you walk back through Ponyville, you get quite a few stares from the other ponies, which you aren't really surprised at by this point, considering that you are essentially an alien in this world. You don't mind it though, none of them are trying anything with you. Surprisingly, you're able to make it back to Lyra and Bon Bon's house on your own. You remembered the way and after only one wrong turn, you made it. This town is surprisingly easy to navigate when you aren't running for your life.
You open the door and walk inside, remembering that Lyra and Bon Bon don't lock their door. You think it's kind of weird, but then again, they've told you that nopony locks their door in this town, so you suppose that's just how it is here.
As you walk inside (remembering to wipe your feet before you enter since you've been working on a farm all day), you see Lyra putting down the saddle bags she was wearing before on the couch before she jumped on it herself.
"Oh, hey Jason," Lyra says as she sees you come in.
"Hey Lyra," you respond as you kick off your shoes and set them aside. "Is Bon Bon back yet?"
"Nah," Lyra replies. "She usually doesn't get back till 6:30 or so." You look and notice a clock on the wall. Apparently its 5:00 pm. So you've been working from 9 to 5. Seems like a normal day. "What's in the box?" she then asks you.
"Oh, this," you say as you walk on over to her and set it on the coffee table (which they somehow managed to replace this quickly) before you sit on the couch next to her. "It's an apple pie. Applejack said I could have it since I've been working with her all day." At that, you notice Lyra's eyes light up.
"Sweet!!!" she sings as she looks at it. Suddenly, a thought pops in your head.
"Hey Lyra," you say to her.
"Yeah," she replies as she looks away from the pie and right at you.
"Where did you go after you left me at the farm? I'm just curious."
"Ohhhhh," Lyra says as she leans back into the couch. "I went to see one of my friends so I could get this." The moment she stops talking, she opens up one of her saddle bags with her magic and pulls out a large bag. She then floats it up in front of you and gives you a wicked smirk. You know what's in the bag, it's clear as day. You feel a smile begin to form across your face the longer you look at it.
Holy shit thats a big bag of weed. You ask her if it is for the party. Oh thats right gota get rdy for the party. Get showered and dressed in your swag suit. Cause tonight is gonna be a good good night. Dont forget to teach the ponies the magic that is doing the dinasaur.
You want to smoke the weed, but you remember that there's a party in your honor later and something tells you(maybe Mini-Pie or even the Greek Gods) your going to need your complete focus in order to get through it. And if not, then showing up high would at least be rude.
Suggest to Lyra that you shoul save that for after the "Welcome to Equestria" party. Get ready fr the party. At the party, walk the dinosaur.
She obviously got it from flutter shy and she could have done just about anything with it so pass and go to your party
Umm.. Dont get high. WHY? . 1- Bonbon. She'll want in on that shit too, and she's not back for a while You smoke that now, and you'll leave her out. 2- Don't try going to a party as high as a kite. You don't know if its even legal here, and if, according to pinkie, everyone/pony will be there, chances are you'll run into the letter of the law. If you do this, refer to my next comment on what to do instead.
dis
As tempting as it is to get right down to business, the party's going to be soon and you want to make a good first impression. Besides, we don't even know what is in the bag, so let's trim the "comment fat" and see what's inside. You should also start cleaning up. Have you grown a beard since your time here? I wonder if they have razors.
"Woah..." is all you can say as you take in the sight of the large bag of stuff you can smoke. "Where did you get this?" You ask Lyra. You were curious before where she got her stuff, but now you're tempted to know.
"Oh, this," Lyra responds. "From Fluttershy, duh. Everypony knows that she's always got the best stuff." And now you're suspicions are confirmed. You had your doubts, and hearing that conversation between Lyra and Fluttershy last night raised suspicions, but you never actually believed it. Now though, you really have no choice but to believe it. Knowing her though, you can't help but wonder exactly what it is she is growing or how she does it without any of these ponies noticing. Hell, you were at her house and you didn't see anything like that going on.
But that is a mystery for another time.
As alluring as the bag of smokable grass is, you can't help but feel as if now is not the right time. You've got a party to get to, and something is telling you (maybe it's the Greek Gods, or maybe its that Pinkie Pie ghost) that you're gonna need to be completely focused for it, given all that has happened. Okay, the threat is gone for now, but you still can't help but feel a little jumpy.
Plus, showing up to a party while high would just be rude.
"Sorry, Lyra," you begin to say to her. "As much as I want to. I think we should save it for after the party."
"Yeah," Lyra replies as she levitates the bag back into her saddlebags. "I was gonna say the same thing actually. Plus, Bonnie isn't even here yet. We wouldn't wanna leave her out."
"Yeah," you can't help but agree there. You know you'd feel pretty bad if you got left out of something like that. Plus, Bon Bon is pretty cool, you wouldn't wanna do that to her.
As those thoughts run through your head, you notice Lyra lean over and start sniffing you a little.
"Yeah, and you should probably take a shower," she says as she leans back.
"Why?" you ask, even though you fully well know you should.
"You know what you smell like?" Lyra replies.
"What?"
"A monkey whose been working on a farm all day." At that, you can't help but agree with her. You smell yourself, but you don't notice much. Then again, these ponies have larger noses than you. More than likely their sense of smell is much better than yours. If that is the case though, then you really need to get cleaned up.
You don't waste any time after that. You head back upstairs and get back in the shower. You make sure to give an extra effort to clean yourself off. You want to make a good first impression after all.
You start to wonder if smoking weed is what's causing those weird, mysterious, and logic-less imagery and sounds during your time in Equestria. Meh. Those strange things have actually been fun to have around anyways, and you find it eerily comforting. Other than that pony in a suit.
Whatever you do, don't think about/try to learn more about Slenderman pony. If it's anything like the Earth version, knowing more just makes it notice you more. Also, your inner The Doctor hopes you get a reason to do the Atraxi Speech sometime.
You don't think anymore about the pony in the suit that you saw earlier. As much as he freaked you out, you try not to bother yourself with him. Maybe your mind is playing tricks on you. Though for some reason, your inner Doctor hopes that you soon get a reason to do the Atraxi speech in the near future. Not sure why.
You do wonder if all the drugs you've been doing are causing these weird, mysterious, and downright logic-less imagery that you've been seeing. You don't really mind it though. Aside from the suited pony, most of them you find eerily comforting and fun to have around.
Still, you know what you've been smoking doesn't make you hallucinate, so where these images are coming from you have no idea.
You don't let it bother you now anyway.
About thirty minutes later, after your shower and getting dressed, you stand in front of Lyra and Bon Bon's rather short (which is the perfect height for ponies but not for you) mirror to get a look at yourself in your swag suit.
You really gotta admit, this suit does make you feel like a boss. Not just a boss though. A bawller boss. Which is what you are and what you've always been.
'Oh yeah, I'm awesome,' you think to yourself as you look yourself over.
"Wow," you suddenly hear from the door. You turn to see both Lyra and Bon Bon standing there, both with jubilant looks of awe on their faces. Since you've discovered them, the two of them walk into the room and start walking around you to get a better look at you.
"You look nice. Really nice," Bon Bon says to you as she looks you over.
"Thank you," you politely say to her.
"The swag..." Lyra says as she stops in front of you. "So much swag. It's practically radiating off of you and making us and the room look swag too." Then she takes in a deep breath and stands up on her hind legs. "Oh yeah, I can feel the swag..." Bon Bon just looks at her like she's insane. You can't help but give her a similar look as well. Meh, it's not the weirdest thing you've seen her do.
-7:00 pm-
Later on, after some time for Lyra and Bon Bon to get ready for the party, which really didn't amount to much, you don't notice any difference with them, they still look more or less the same. You don't mind it though.
You follow them through the town as they lead you to where the party is. According to the invitation you got from Pinkie Pie earlier, the party was to take place in a place called "Sugarcube Corner" at 7:00 pm sharp. You have no idea where this Sugarcube Corner place even is (you were knocked out when you arrived there), but Lyra and Bon Bon do, so you follow their lead.
Less than five minutes later, you find yourself standing in front of a building that looks like a gingerbread house. Kind of strange, considering all the other buildings here seem pretty normal, but you're not about to question it. Still, this building and this area of town do look kind of familiar. You assume its closed, since all the lights are off.
"Well, here we are," Lyra says as she walks up towards the door. Bon Bon following her. They both walk up and hold hold the doors open for you. They both look back at you smiling as they do. "Shall the guest of honor enter his par-tay?" Lyra says to her in her best mock British accent. Bon Bon just giggles to herself as Lyra does that.
"Uh, thank you," you say as you walk right past them and into the gingerbread house.
The second, you take one step through the door however, all the lights in the building suddenly come on at once, and you suddenly see a "Welcome to Ponyville Jason the Human" banner hanging from the ceiling and about 40 to 50 ponies staring right at you.
They all shout at you. You suddenly find yourself at a loss for words. You've never seen this many ponies in one place before. Hell, the entire town might be here. Some of these ponies you've seen already, but many of them you haven't. They're all staring at you with really bright and cheerful smiles on their faces, you just stand there in awe.
Take a moment to wonder why the hay you got an invitation to your own surprise party.
As you stare in awe (A W E), you wonder to yourself why the f*** you were given and invitation to your own surprise party. If this was meant to be a surprise party, then giving you and invitation defeated the purpose of it even being a surprise, so why-
At all costs, avoid the Party Cannon. Feel free to mingle with whatever Pinkie's doing, but for God's sake avoid the Cannon.
Your thoughts on the matter are interrupted when you notice the floating Pinkie Pie wave at you for less than a quick second before she ducks away into the unknown.
"SURPRISE!!!" The real Pinkie Pie shouts as she appears out of seemingly nowhere with a giant cannon in tow. Without even wasting a second after she shouts at you, she pulls a string on it and several bucket loads of confetti shoot out of it, landing on many of the ponies present, yourself, and Lyra and Bon Bon.
"Still willy commenters, your inner Pinkie Pie can't be here when the REAL Pinkie Pie is here," you think you hear Pinkie Pie say without even opening her mouth.... somehow...
After several seconds of just standing there in AWE with a blank expression on your face, you finally regain your composure and dust some of the confetti off of you.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... Hello," you say to the crowd of ponies, thinking it would be best to introduce yourself. "I'm Jason, and..." You look out at the crowd of ponies all staring at you, all with eager smiles on their faces. It's kind of creepy really.
You look down at Lyra, who just gives you a hopeful smile as some confetti hangs around her own. You then look over at Bon Bon, who just does the same thing. Then you look back to the crowd of ponies.
Shout "Lets get this party started!" and proceed to dance once the swag music starts playing.
"Ah f*** it!" you say to them as you regain your bossness. This is a party. This is your party, and you are a bawller boss. This party deserves to get started like a boss. "LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!" you shout like a boss.
At that, the crowd of ponies let out a loud cheer as you notice a white pony with blue hair and a bitchin pair of sunglasses (seriously you want those) at a DJ table throw on a record with her magic and starts playing some equally bitchin music. It sounded kind of like Daft Punk.
Mingle and meet new ponies and answer a few questions for a bit. For the most part the ponies are a littile curious about you, but they mostly want to party so they leave to the ones that really want to talk to you( Rarity, Dash, DERPY, etc.)
From there, this party that was certainly fit for a bawller boss such as yourself was in full swing. You mingle with the crowd of ponies for a bit, which isn't that difficult since practically all of them a crowding around you like a Zerg rush asking you questions. You suppose you can't really blame them for being a little curious about you. After all, other than Lyra and Twilight, none of these ponies even knew what a human was before you got here. On the other hand though, you can't remember a time when you were surrounded by so many animals.
You answer what questions you can, and Lyra is there to help you, which due to her extensive research on humans, is just as much an extensive wealth of knowledge as you are. You sometimes let her take the lead on some of the questions in that regard, cause lets face it, as knowledgeable as you are, not even you know everything about your own race. Which was why you found it kind of interesting that Lyra was able to actually scientifically name every single stage of human evolution as well as what they all did and other scientific facts about them. Seriously, Lyra knew a lot.
You meet many new faces, all of whom are really nice (seriously, Twilight aside, this whole town is so damn nice), but you see some familiar ones as well. At one point Berry Punch and Minuette walked up to say hi, though Berry Punch looked as if she had more than a few drinks already as she kept swaying and leaning on Minuette. Also, she kept calling her "Colgate" for some odd reason.
As you walk in you notice twilight I suggest you run like hell
Channel a random musican with swag (or just channel Michael 'Thrillerman' Jackson) and dance your way into the room. After getting acquainted with some ponies and thanking Pinkie for the party, spot a less deshelved and crazy Twilight standing between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. They come over and have Twilight apologize to you. After that do the friggin dinosaur like a baws.
After a while partying you notice Twilight in the corner, walk over and attempt to get a more logical explanation for the whole rape thing. Maybe find out if you could be friends when she calmed down...or if she could at least send you home eventually.
Despite the immense number of ponies there, you don't notice Twilight, which you probably should be thankful for but still, Pinkie Pie did specifically say that EVERY pony in Ponyville (which you actually now believe due to the immense amount of ponies here) would be here. Still, as much as you are glad she's not here, you can't help but wonder about her a little bit.
There is so much swag within you that you wanted to find an equal; someone who can help you see your limits.
...What's she doing?
"Hey Jason!" You're jerked out of your thoughts again when some other pony calls out for you. You turn around to see Rainbow Dash hovering nearby above the crowd of ponies. Since she's hovering, she looks at you right at eye level. "How's it goin?" she asks you, kind of nervously.
"Not bad," you reply to her. "Rainbow Dash was it?" Now that you think about it, you never really got a chance to talk to her.
"Yeah, that's me," she replied back, still kind of nervous. "Hey umm, listen." She says to you. "About when we first met... I'm-" Now you understand what's got her so riled up.
"Oh, don't worry about it," you say to her before she can apologize. "I don't blame you, so you don't need to feel bad about it." As you're saying that, Rainbow Dash just looks back at you with a surprised look on her face, as if she didn't expect you to say that. "What's done is done," you say. "And besides, you did help me out later, so I guess we're kind of even."
"Yeah," Rainbow Dash replies as she rubs the back of her head. "I guess we are." You then notice her throw up a nervous smile. You guess, that like Applejack, she's not that used to apologizing.
"Umm...." Both you and Rainbow then look down to see Fluttershy standing in front of you. You barely even heard her over the crowd. "You look nice."
"Thank you Fluttershy," you reply to her as kindly as you can, which causes her to look up at you and smile through her long mane.
"Yeah, where'd you get that suit, anyway?" Rainbow Dash asks.
"Oh, this. Rarity made it for me."
"Pfft yeah, figures," Rainbow Dash says as she looks away from you and crosses her hooves. You notice the look on her face. Is she..... is she jealous of your swag...
Talk to that chestnut pony with the hour glass cutie mark
After that little conversation ended (you can swear that Rainbow Dash was jealous of you, but just wouldn't admit it), you head on over to the punch bowl to get some punch (obviously). On your way there however, your suddenly stopped by a familiar grey, wall eyed pegasus.
"Hi Jason," she says to you in the most adorable voice ever.
"Oh, hey Derpy," you reply. It takes every ounce of your willpower to not hug her right there.
"Ah, so this is the human you were telling me about Derpy," another Stallion says in a voice that sounds like this as he walks up next to Derpy. He's a chestnut colored with an hourglass for a cutie mark (you've been paying more attention to those since you've leaned about them. Right now you're trying to figure out what the hell Derpy's might mean). He's also wearing a green tie.
"Yeah, yeah that's him," Derpy says to him as she giggles a little. "Doesn't he look silly?" You feel slightly crushed a little by that. Or at least you would it it didn't come from this particular pegasus. The chestnut just looks at her for a bit before he turns his attention back to you
"Now Derpy, he doesn't look that silly. Just a little..." he says as he pauses for a moment to look you over. "A little like a monkey, but since that's what he is... Bah I'm rambling again aren't I?" Derpy just giggles again at that. "Pleased to meet you," he says to you as he extends his hoof. "I'm Time Turner. Derpy's husband."
-Meanwhile, out in space in another dimension-
"Clara. Clara did you hear that?" The Doctor asked.
"Hear what Doctor?" Clara responded.
"I'm not sure. It sounded as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in rage, but then were suddenly silenced."
-Meanwhile, back at the party in Ponyville-
"Nice to meet you," you say to Time Turner as you shake his hoof. He seems like a nice guy.
Afterwards, you continue to make your way to the punch bowl.
Throughout the festivities, Rarity keeps trying to stay close to you and keeps trying to get you to dance and other "subtle" behaviors. If you get her alone break down the rules to her. Tell her your grateful for the suit and for the help with Twilight, but tell her straight up that you are not, have never been and will never be interested in ponies. Tell her that that kind of thing in some countries in your world can get you thrown in jail for 7 years (Which is True). Then tell her that both of you should just forget that night in the boutique and move on. Shake on it then add in that you also don't want to piss Twilight's Dragon off, since he always looks angry when you are around Rarity.
"Jason!!!" You suddenly hear a very falsely french, very feminine voice call out to you as you pour yourself some punch. You then look over to see Rarity trotting up to you.
"Oh, hey Rarity," you say to her as you take a sip of punch. It's actually quite good.
"Oh hello Jason," Rarity says back to you. "I must say you look ABSOLUTELY MARVELOUS in that suit." You can swear you almost saw her eyes pop out of her head as she says that.
"Thank you," you reply. "You would know though, you made it."
"Oh don't be so modest," Rarity replies. "I mean yes, I did make it, but you..." she pauses for a bit to look you over... again. "You make it look so much better! Like it was always meant to be you." At that, she then steps closer and leans against you. "The suit is just a suit by itself after all. The stallion, or I guess in your case, human, wearing it is what makes all the difference. And you look simply fantastic." As she says that, you start to feel her rubbing up against you. You think you know where this is going. "So... Jason," Rarity then says, a slight purr in her voice as she looks up at you. "Shall we dance?"
At that, you just sigh aloud and put your drink back down on the table, where you don't notice, but a straw suddenly comes out of nowhere and drinks the rest of it.
"Look, Rarity," you say as you step away from her before turning to face her. She just looks back up at you with a confused look. "I'm sorry, but I want to make this clear. I'm grateful for the suit and everything you did to help me with Twilight, really I am, but..." you notice Rarity look at you intently as you continue. "I am not interested in ponies. I never have been, and I never will be. Back where I'm from, that kind of thing is punishable by seven years in prison." At that, a look of surprise crosses her face as you watch her eyes go wide. "So, I'm sorry. You're a great friend, I'm really grateful for everything you've done, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that you're one of the kindest ponies I know, but I'm just not interested. So, if we could just forget about that night at the boutique and move on. I think that would be best for both of us." As you finish you hold out your hand.
Rarity just looks at it for a moment, then back up to you. The look on her face is one that suggests that she is utterly surprised by everything she just heard. After considering it for a moment, she just lets out a loud sigh.
"Very well," she says she she takes your hand and you two shake on it. "I'm sorry Jason," she then says to you.
"Don't be," you say to her with a smile as you pull your hand away. "You didn't know, so it's okay. Besides, someone as pretty as you, you could probably do a lot better than me." Okay, the least you could have done after telling her that was pay her one decent compliment. Rarity just remains silent for a moment at that, but then you see a blush cut across her face.
"Thank you," she says to you as she turns around and trots away. You feel a little bad for her, considering all she did for you, but hey, it had to be done sooner or later, so why not now. You grab your punch cup and take another sip, only to notice that it's empty. Strange, you could have sworn you filled it up a minute ago.
A few moments later, you're back out in the crowd of ponies when you notice something. You watch as Lyra is talking with the DJ pony. You can't hear what they're saying, but at the end of the conversation, the DJ pony simply smiles and levitates another record out from behind her DJ table before placing it on one of her record players. Lyra walks away from her at that, but then she notices you looking at her. Wait... the look on her face... She's giving you a smirk.
Act like any proud man would in that situation: Scream like a little girl.
(Where did ghost of sombra go? or is he still haunting Twilight?)
"Silly silly Tenebris. The Ghost of Sombra is haunting Twilight, and we're following Jason right now so-"
Pinkie Pie, are you talking to the commenters again?
"Noooooooooooooooooo.................."
...............
"Okay yes, *puts on a wide grin*"
*sigh,* Pinkie...
"What? It's not like I can't talk to them right?"
Well, not, but if you're talking directly to them, I'm just worried that some of them might freak the f*** out, or that some of them will get hopeful that this may happen, which it won't.
"Ah, don't worry Razor. I'm not gonna go breaking through anypony's screens. That's just mean. And I'm sure Tenebris here doesn't mind me talking to him. Right Tenebris?"
He won't be able to respond to you until I allow the commenters to post again, Pinkie.
"Oh.... well when you can respond, you don't mind do you Tenebris? *wide smile*"
*sigh* .... We'll just see where this goes.
"Okay... Bye bye Razor. Good luck with school. *waves hoof*"
Thanks Pinkie, I'm really gonna need it.
"Oh don't worry you're silly little head Razor Bazer, you'll do just fine."
Thank you Pinkie.
"Bye Razor!!!!"
Bye.
ohandbecausemyeditorKirowantsonemorewordhereitis
We Will Party Hard aka WALK THE GOD DAMNED DINOSAUR!!!
(Just so you know, the video doesn't seem to work in Canada :C)
Go back outside, and open the door. Once you do that, get on the floor.
Then proceed to walk the dinosaur.
Gummy jumps out of the chandelier and, being much closer to a dinosaur than anyone else at the party, completely steals the spotlight when he starts walking.
The dinosaur seems to be appropriate at this time so initiate dinosaur walk protocol.
Start channeling your inner MIchael Jackson and moon walk into the center of the room and quickly begin walking the dinosaur like a BAWS!
>> The Sniper Tactical Dinosaur-walk, incoming!
Step 1.) ...do I need to say it fool? WALK THAT DINOSAUR!!!
Step 2.) Look damn good doin' it!
Step 3.) Enjoy as everypony decides to follow the dance as well, creating a new craze that takes Ponyville by storm!
Step 4.) Enjoy a piece of cake and watch the new craze you started take off, feeling profound satisfaction for it!
Step 5.) ...meh, give the Spike fellow some dating tips, if only so he'll help you out more later. He'll keep Twilight away AND be a re-bound guy for Rarity, win-win!
What do you do?!
I'll tell you what you do! Get your ass on the dance floor and walk the dinosaur!
The tension rises. / Your skills were for this moment. / Accept the challenge!
Response:"This... is... my.. JAM!"
Action: Slide to the center of the dance floor and WALK THAT DINOSAUR TO NEW, EPIC BOSS LEVELS!
Yell in a playful voice: "Oh No You Didn't!!!" Strut your way over to the DJ as all the ponies' eyes are on you, some are hitting their feet on the ground in what you guess is applause. Grab her sunglasses and put them on your face while pointing both fingers at her in a "She Knows What's Up" Manner. The DJ allows this and just smiles at you and continues rocking her headbanging. Get into the middle of the ring of Ponies and as soon as the the lyrics reach "Open the door, get on the floor" DO WHAT YOU WERE BORN TO DO Walk the Dinosaur like there is no tomorrow. You are a god on the dance floor, and your moves are so flawless Michael Jackson would be jealous. The more you walk it, the more the ponies cheer. Lyra whistles, Bon Bon shouts "Woo Hoo" Fluttershy seems to be saying "yay" but you can't hear anything, and some steroid abusing looking white pegasus just shouts "YEAH!!!" Eventually, the others join in after Pinkie Pie starts cutting a rug with you and giggling. "This is the Best Party Ever!!!" You Shout to the sky just as the song ends and everypony cheers and pats you on the back and tell you what a boss you are.
Have Pinkie place a door in front of you. OPEN THE DOOR. GET ON THE FLOOR. MOTHERFUCKIN' WALK THE DINOSAUR.
This is pretty much the new rule to this story:
Whenever a commentor says, "Walk the dinosaur." Or something similar, you must walk the GOD DAMNED DINOSAUR!
Open the door! Get on the floor! Everybody walk the dinosaur!
ok it is now time to show off how much swag you can radiate at once. as soon as you hear the song play you Walk the motherfuckin' dinosaur. next when the song is done you don't know how it happens but the song changes to party rock anthem and you bust out doing the matching dance to it like a fucking boss. and just when you think you're getting a break. gangnam style starts playing and you can't help but dance to it to. finally after 3 songs the music stops and you look around. The other party goer's are passes out from over exposure to highly condensed swag
Dinosaur LIKE A BAWS. Man, I wish you had channeled your inner YGOTAS Yami. Then you could have just gone over to some random pony and challenged them to a children's card game
As the intro beat to the song beats through your ears (pun very much intended), you feel your mouth fall open as you look back at Lyra.
"Oh no you didn't!" you shout playfully at her in disbelief. No really, you really can't believe she just did this. Lyra only responds by keeping that smirk on her face and giving you a wink. She knows what's up. After that she looks away from you and walks over to where Bon Bon is standing.
With that you look around the room, and notice that all the eyes of the ponies are staring at you. You can't help but feel the same smile that Lyra had crawl across your face as you see this. You guess there is no more putting this off. Not anymore...
"This... is... my... JAM!" you say as the intro to the song still beats through the party. You walk on over to the DJ like the boss that you are. Once you reach her, you snatch her sunglasses off of her face like a boss, spin them around and put them on. Surprisingly they fit. They do tint the entire party blue, but you don't mind. The DJ just looks up at you, looking absolutely shocked that you did that.
You just throw both your hands out and point both your fingers at her in a "You know what's up," kind of manner. She seems to understand, as she just smiles and nods at you as her horn glows and another pair of sunglasses come out from beneath the table. Apparently she had more (hey, maybe you can convince her to let you keep these). With that, she keeps bobbing her head to the song, and you...
You spin around like the boss that you are with a move that Michael Jackson would be jealous of and start walking towards the center of the room.
Then, right as the lyrics hit, you dash forward and slide right to the center of the room.
"It was a night like this forty million years ago I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey, start to go"
You dance in place and sing along with the lyrics as the song starts up. You don't need to channel anybody to dance like a boss, you already know how.
"The sun was spitting fire, the sky was blue as ice I felt a little tired, so I watched 'Miami Vice'"
As you start dancing, all the ponies in the room start cheering and many of them start hitting their hooves against the ground. You guess that's their form of applause.
"I walked a dinosaaaaaaur, I walked a dinosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaur"
Right as those words come up, out of nowhere Pinkie Pie suddenly appears and puts a red door frame (complete with a door) in front of you.
What do you do?
You walk forward.
You open the door.
You get on the floor.
AND
YOU
WALK
THE
MOTHA
BUCKIN
DINOSAUR
"Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur"
The song blares throughout the party as you walk the god damned motha buckin dinosaur like the bawller boss that you are. Like you were meant to... LIKE YOU WERE BORN TO!!!
You hear Lyra whistle loudly at you as you do this.
"WOOHOO!!!" You hear from a voice that is unmistakably Bon Bon's.
"Oh... my..." you think you can hear Fluttershy cheer before it's quickly drowned out by the cheering of the crowd and lost on you.
You don't care about any of that though. YOU ARE DOIN THE MOTHABUCKIN DINOSAUR!!!!
"Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur"
Right as the chorus ends, you jump back up onto your feet and start dancing again. As you do, several ponies get closer and start dancing with you. It's not nearly as weird as it seems.
"I met you in a cave, you were painting buffalo I said I'd be your slave, follow wherever you go That night we split a rattlesnake and danced beneath the stars You fell asleep, I stayed awake and watched the passing cars"
"I walked a dinosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaur, I walked a dinosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaur"
Right before the chorus hits again however, you open the door again, get on the floor, but right as you are about to do the dinosaur. You notice something.
You look to your left, Lyra's right there next to you. Bon Bon is right next to her.
You then look to your right, only to look right into the eyes of Pinkie Pie, as she is on the floor with you. Next to her you can see Rainbow Dash, and surprisingly Applejack and Fluttershy. You then look around and notice that everypony at the party is right there on the floor with you. You even notice the DJ as she runs out from behind her table and gets down on the floor next to a grey pony wearing a bow tie. You can't help but let a smirk crawl across your face as you notice this.
Then the chorus hits.
"Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur"
And everypony starts walking the dinosaur with you. Every... pony.... in the room... is walking the dinosaur with you. By God, you really feel like a boss now. They all follow your lead as they walk the dinosaur with you.
Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny alligator drops down from the chandelier and lands right next to you. He then proceeds to start doing the dinosaur with you and all the ponies. You're kind of confused as to why there is an alligator there, but you don't really care about that now. Besides, he doesn't look nearly huge enough to cause any serious damage. Plus, he's doing the dinosaur with you, so that's awesome.
"Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur"
As the chorus ends, you and everypony there jump back up and start dancing normally again.
"One night I dreamed of New York You and I roasting blue pork In the Statue of Liberty's torch"
You notice several couples dancing together as you do, though strangely enough, most of them were made up of two females. Then again, you did notice that there were DRASTICALLY more girls in this town than guys.
You notice Lyra dancing with Bon Bon (obviously), Berry Punch (as much as she could given how obviously drunk she was) was with Minuette, Derpy was with Time Turner, which you kind of expected, the DJ was with that grey pony, and you even noticed Applejack and Rainbow Dash dancing together for a little bit. Pinkie Pie was just all over the place and hell, even Rarity came up and tried to dance with you despite what you told her earlier.
You just let that one happen though, as you're too caught up in the moment to really do anything.
"Elvis landed in a rocket, rocket, rocket ship Healed a couple of leapers and disappeared But where was his beard"
"A shadow from the sky, much too big to be a bird A screaming, crashing noise louder than I've ever heard It looked like two big silver trees that somehow learned to soar Suddenly a summer breeze and a mighty lion's roar"
"I killed a dinosaaaaaaaaaaur, I killed a dinosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaur"
Then, right as that last line hits, you and every pony else get back down to the floor, and get prepared to walk
ONE LAST DINOSAUR
"Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur"
You and every pony there walk the god damn dinosaur like you mean it, you walk it like there is no tomorrow. Like there will never be another dinosaur.
"Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur"
You've started a trend in this town populated entirely by ponies, and you're certain it's not going anyway anytime soon.
"Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur"
WALKTHE
"Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur"
DINOSAUR
Right as the last word of the song hits, you and every pony there stop, but none of you get off of the floor. Not yet.
As the song dies down, you and everypony else slowly gets back up. As you stand back to your feet. You notice all eyes on you again, and instantly, you cannot even tell who started it, every pony there starts cheering like mad for you. You start to think that they might even tear down the building with all the hoof stomping they are doing.
You then hear another high pitched whistle and notice Lyra standing on her rear hooves and waving her hoof around like a maniac. Bon Bon is right next to her. You look around and notice Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and hell, even Rarity and Fluttershy cheering for you as well. Pinkie Pie then suddenly drops out of nowhere and lands right on your head and shoulders. You're startled for a moment at that, but you don't fall down. In fact, she is kind of light.... like she doesn't even weigh anything..... Now that you think about it.... it's kind of weird.
Before you can even comprehend it any further though, you suddenly jumps off of you and lands back down on the ground behind you.
You suddenly hear from the speakers as you turn back around to notice the DJ back at her table again. She's holding a microphone with her magic.
"That was Walk The Dinosaur as requested by Lyra Heartstrings and Jason Morgan the human!!!" At the mere mention of your name, every pony in the room starts cheering and stomping the ground again. You feel yourself blush a little bit as they do. "AAAAAAWWWWWWWW YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" The DJ continues. "By Celestia that was awesome. I might even need to play that again later tonight. But for now, to all you little ponies out there. I got one question for ya?" She stopped for a moment to stand up like Lyra and put her hoof on the table. "You all aren't done tonight are you?"
At that, a chorus of "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"'s echoed throughout the room. You even helped with that one.
"AWWW YEAH! I DIDN'T THINK SO!!!" The DJ continued. "So let's keep this party going with the new single from Larry Underhoof, 'Baby Can You Dig Your Stallion'!" At that, everypony, and you, cheered again. "BABY CAN YOU DIG IT!!!???" The DJ added before she set the next record on one of her turntables and started playing it.
With that, the party was in full swing again, and it wasn't gonna stop anytime soon.
Needless to say, you have a blast that night. You hang with the ponies, make some new friends, drink some of Applejack's special brand of Apple Cider (God damn it was good), and you're pretty sure that you may have just invented the banana daiquiri here in Equestria. Time Turner seems to like it though, he likes it a lot.
Eventually, after a LONG LONG time, and after dancing to several more songs, including one where you showed them the awesomeness that is Smooth Criminal, the party finally dies down and everypony starts to go home. Eventually, as much fun as you had, you leave with Lyra and Bon Bon.
You know, looking on this night, despite everything that happened since you've gotten here. This is probably the most fun you've had in a long, long time.
-The Next Morning-
You wake up on Lyra's couch sometime the next morning. Still a little sleepy.... okay REALLY sleepy, you sit up on her couch and look around. You have no idea what time it even is right now and surprisingly, you don't have a hangover.
Thankfully you don't have to go to Applejack's farm today because she INSISTED that you take today off at the party last night, and you weren't really one to argue then.
You turn to the left to discover that Fluttershy is curled up to you, looking incredibly disheveled. You turn to your right and discover Rainbow Dash snoring in your face, looking incredibly satisfied. You discover that the room is scattered with cider mugs, empty weed bags, dildos, and other things you aren't entirely sure you want to identify. You notice that you are not wearing any clothes, and the two pegasi are curled up to you incredibly tightly.
As you begin to panic about what happened last night, a dark blue pony with both wings and horn steps out of a shadow on the wall. She stares at you for a time before saying, "Would you please explain to us how exactly this is a nightmare?"
You wake up.
You blink for a few moments to adjust your eyes. You're still not completely awake yet. That familiar feeling of "Oh god I know I should wake up but I don't want to!!!" takes hold of you. You suppose you could lay here for five more minutes. So, you turn your head to your left in an attempt to fall back asleep again. However, your eyes shoot back open and you're suddenly completely awake as your vision is filled with yellow.
Fluttershy is sleeping next to you.... no really, she is. She is curled up right next to you with her hooves around your left arm like it's a teddy bear. Her mane looks incredibly disheveled and she has a smile on her face. At this, you start freaking out.
'WHAT THE *(every swear word imaginable)* HAPPENED LAST NIGHT!!!???' you mentally scream to yourself as you turn to look away from her. As you do however, you come face to face with Rainbow Dash snoring in your face. The look on her face is that of an incredibly satisfied smile.
At this you suddenly feel a kind of, but not so heavy, weight on top of you. You slowly look forward to see Rarity sleeping on top of you like a dog would. Her left hoof is drooped over you and laying on top of Rainbow Dash. Her mane looks even more disheveled than Fluttershy's, and the smile on her face is just as wide as ever.
Behind her, on the armrest of the couch, you notice Applejack laying over it with her head on her feet. Her hat is missing. After a quick look behind her you notice it on the lamp that Lyra and Bon Bon keep by the desk. Also her mane isn't tied up anymore, it's all over the place. She's just snoring as soundly as Rainbow Dash.
You then look away from her back to your right at the coffee table. Pinkie Pie is sleeping on it with her head over the edge. She's snoring in a way that somehow sounds like jingle bells. That's not what grabs your attention however.
On the table with Pinkie Pie and indeed scattered about the room, are empty cider mugs, plastic bags (you can only guess what was in those), sex objects, and many, many, MANY other things that you aren't entirely sure you want to identify. Also, you're not wearing any clothes.... at all..... and the blanket that Lyra gave you to sleep on the couch is gone.
As all of this sets in you start to panic about what in the *(every swear word imaginable)* happened last night at the party. You're quite certain you came home with Lyra and Bon Bon (AND NOPONY ELSE) and just went to sleep. So how in the flying hell did this even happen?
As you're slowly driving yourself into madness, you're about to scream when suddenly, you hear clopping noises. You then look over to notice a rather tall (much taller than any of the ponies you've seen before), indigo colored pony with BOTH a horn and wings walks out from the kitchen. You just stare at her, and she just stares right back at you for several moments.
"Would you please explain to us how exactly this is a nightmare?" the indigo pony asks. You don't respond. You just stare at her for several more moments before you look towards the door....
For some odd reason, lyra throws a bottle of salt at your eyes.
Only to come face to face with Lyra, who, for some odd reason, decides to throw a bottle of salt at your eyes....
Spontaneously explode.
And for no reason you spontaneously explode right as it hits you...
And that is when you wake up. You quickly and abruptly sit up on the couch. You don't scream.... for whatever reason, probably out of contrasty, but probably because you're beyond screaming at this point. You look around, there are no ponies here. Nopony else is in the house, it's just you. Just you. You, the couch, and Lyra and Bon Bon upstairs (hopefully). As you see all this, you let your breathing slow for a bit. Then, once you are certain that YES, in fact, you ARE alone, you let out a loud sigh and fall back on the couch.
Surprisingly, you DON'T have a hangover, but you still feel as if you're brain wants to claw itself out of your head.
"Note to self," you think aloud. "Purge that memory as quickly as humanly possible."
For some pointless reason imagine your brain imploding.
You imagine your brain imploding in an effort to remove those thoughts from your head. It doesn't work. They're still there. Guess you'll have to try something else later.
First off look over your body to make certain you didn't ruin your suit too badly from last night. Would be a shame for something bad to happen to it ha ha ha ha... NO SERIOUSLY MAKE CERTAIN YOUR SUIT IS FINE! Then get some coffee.
You then check to see if you are wearing any clothes, or at the very least more than you had on in that dream. You throw the blanket off of you to see that you are in fact, wearing some clothes.
You're not wearing your suit. Something with that much swag, you would NEVER fall asleep in it. You must have taken it off sometime last night, then you think Bon Bon took it and set it in the laundry pile. Yeah, you can distinctly remember that.
No, you're wearing the pair of underwear that came with the suit. Rarity made them for you as well.... out of SILK of all things.... Makes you feel like even more of a bawller boss. But yeah, you're fine.
Now that you are CERTAIN that you are fine, and since you're pretty much awake now. You get up off of the couch and stretch a little bit, like you usually do.
Check for burns because you were HOT last night.
You then proceed to check yourself for burns, because you were HOT last night....
You laugh to yourself a bit at that. Seriously though, that was a damn good party last night, despite the fact that it was thrown by a bunch of ponies. You gotta remember to party like that once you get back home.
After that, you look over at the clock on the wall and notice that is says 9:45 am. Damn, you slept a while. You distinctly remember it being midnight when you got back here, but still. That is a while.
"Make yourself some coffee." "Make yourself some coffee." "......." ".......did we just agree to something?" "Yes, yes we did mate."
Try to figure out a word the rhymes with month
You get up and eat one of the many sweets, preferably a Muffin or Cinnamon Bun, Pinkie Pie gave you last night in a party bag, which is incredibly big. Not only are you having breakfast but the sugar rush will help wake you up. You then decide to bring in the paper for Lyra and Bon Bon. Read the paper and see what counts as news in this world. An article about how Princess Celestia goes through so much cake and yogurt and yet doesn't gain weight with a shot of her stuffing her face, An article with pictures of some royal couple named Shining Armour and Princess Cadence and whether or not they're pregnant An Article about some newly elected official named Flag who claims to be for the people, with a picture of Pony with a perfect politician smile and the Comics, which actually have Garfield, which is surprising, only Jon is a pony. So in other words, their news is full of Gossip, Politics, and Funny Pages....Just like Human Papers. You frown, it's kind of disappointing that there really is no difference to what is "News" in both worlds.
Find your dandy socks / And then read the newspaper / If you're very bored.
Get coffee and breakfast. Waltz around town like a boss looking for something interesting to do.
You held it off long enough, after you get some breakfast... wait... check the time. Okay, after you get some LUNCH, (god you slept in late) get high with Lyra and Bon Bon.
Step 1.) Coffee, you need it, Bon-Bon and Lyra would likely appreciate it.
Step 2.) Serve Apple Pie for breakfast, it's the most legit pastry breakfast since Cherry-changas, so do it!
Step 3.) After breakfast, ask what Lyra's plans are for today, and should she be busy, let her know you'll be hanging around Ponyville, just wondering what you can do around there.
Step 4.) Part company with your room-mates, and explore!
Step 5.) Make your way to town hall, hopefully to find a map and/or announcements of events that are coming up. (Job offers are good too.)
Step 1) Get up Step 2) check what time it is Step 3) proceed to make breakfast and coffee Step 4) eat it all Step 5) ??? Step 6) Profit
Coffee, definitely coffee. And take a shower, you stink!
>> The Sniper Coffee is cocaine in liquid form!
Snowflame what are you doing here?
Snowflame is not sure.
Moonwalk your way into the kitchen, grab some oatmeal, moonwalk to the kitchen table, eat, then make sure your suit is still baller and you're not having to remove a stain.
Well, whatever time it is, it's about time you got some breakfast. A quick rumble of your stomach reminds you of exactly how god damn hungry you are.
Before you do that however, you walk on over to the front door and open it. Surely enough, there is a newspaper at your feet. Without even thinking about anything, you pick it up and bring it inside.
You then head over to the kitchen and throw it on the table. You'll read it in a minute.
Now the ABSOLUTE first thing you do, is get some coffee made. Luckily you remember where everything is, so it doesn't take long for you to throw some coffee together. Also, this time while making coffee, you notice the brand of coffee that Lyra and Bon Bon have. It reads "Uncle Bob's RUMBA coffee." You're not sure why you didn't notice this before.
While the coffee is being made, you notice the box of apple pie that you got from Applejack yesterday. You've almost forgotten about it. Thank god you didn't. You then quickly grab a knife and cut yourself a piece. Just as the coffee finishes, you set your slice of pie down on the table and walk over to grab some.
You pour yourself a cup of coffee, which you then almost immediately drink as soon as you have. You instantly feel yourself waking up a little more as you drink it.
"Thank god, I needed that." You say to yourself. You then pour yourself a bit more to fill the cup again before you head back over to the table.
You then pick up a fork and take a bite of pie, and well..... it's good.
You can't believe it's still fresh. Yeah it's not as warm as when it was freshly baked, but it's still GOD DAMN AMAZINGLY GOOD!!!!! It's taking a considerable amount of your willpower to stop you from getting up and eating the whole damn thing. Lyra and Bon Bon probably want some too.
Anyway, as have your breakfast, you decide to read through the paper real quick to see what counts as news in this world.
The first thing you notice is an article about how Princess Celestia eats so much cake and yet still doesn't gain any weight. The picture that accompanies it is a picture of a large, white pony with both wings and a horn stuffing her face with cake.
"So that's what Princess Celestia looks like," you say to yourself as you see that. Your mind goes back to the strange indigo pony in your dream who also had wings and a horn, but that was CLEARLY a different pony.
That aside, it's interesting to see that famous figures as still stalked to death only for reports on nothing in this world too. Guess as long as there is news there isn't escaping it.
The next article you see is about a seemingly normal pony couple that go by the names of "Shining Armor," and "Princess Cadence," and about how she might be pregnant. You're not sure why this is important, but hey, you have no idea who these two even are. Although, Shining Armor's cutie mark does look a little familiar.
You dismiss it as nothing and move on though.
The next article after that is about some newly elected politician by the name of "Risen Flag," who claims to be for the people. The article is accompanied by a picture of a pony that you can only assume is him giving a typical politician smile. It kind of creeps you out a little.
After that, you start searching through the paper to find the funnies. Strangely enough though, the paper doesn't have a funnies section. Instead, what is has is a section called "Things Pinkie Pie Has Done." Upon reading it you can't help but laugh your ass off. Some of the things she does legitimately are funny.
Check up on Lyra and Bon Bon, find out what time it is, and go get some food.
You then notice Lyra and Bon Bon walk into the room as you just get finished reading through another bit of the Pinkie Pie section. Both their manes look incredibly disheveled and well... they might as well be zombies. You know the feeling.
"Morning," you say to them as politely as you can.
"Morning..." Bon Bon replies in a rather dead voice. Lyra just grumbles at you. Seeing them the way they are, you pour them both a cup of coffee and cut two more slices of pie for both of them. You put their breakfast on the table right as they sit down. The moment they see the coffee, they both pick it up and start drinking it. Bon Bon with her hooves, and Lyra with her magic.
Within a few moments, the two are as awake as you.
"Ah...." Lyra says as she lets out a breath. "That's good coffee."
"Good morning Jason," Bon Bon says to you as she looks at you with a cheerful smile on her face. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah, yeah I did," you say to them. Despite the dream you had earlier though, you did sleep like a rock. You're not sure if you should tell them about it.
A few moments of silence pass as you all eat your slices of pie, and then go over for second helpings. Apparently, you're not the only one who loves Applejack's pies.
As you all are eating your second slices though, Bon Bon turns to Lyra.
"Lyra," Bon Bon says. "Do you ever wonder if there are parallel universes?"
"No," Lyra replies. You think it's kind of a weird question to ask out of the blue like that, but you just shrug it off and keep eating.
-Meanwhile in a parallel universe where all ponies live with their rule 63 counterparts-
"Hey Lyra," Harpsy said as he walked into the kitchen where Lyra and Bon Bon were having breakfast. "Wanna practice doing it?"
"Yep," Lyra replied.
-Meanwhile in a parallel universe where ponies have hands instead of hooves-
"BON BON LOOK!!!" Lyra shouted as she ran into the kitchen.
"What is it Lyra?" Bon Bon asked.
"LOOK!!!" Lyra shouted as she showed her hands to Bon Bon. "I HAVE HANDS!!!!!"
"So what, we all have hands," Bon Bon responded.
-Meanwhile in a parallel universe where all coffee has been replaced with milk-
"ssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppppppppppppppppppppppppp," Lyra said from her mouth as she drank her milk. A very tired Bon Bon sat right next to her.
-Meanwhile in a parallel universe where there is no concept of time-
"Spike!" Twilight yelled as she was rearranging some of the books in her library. Several books floated around her via magic.
"Yes, Twilight," Spike said as he came into the room.
"What time is Princess Celestia supposed to arrive today?"
"What is time?" Spike asked, an incredibly confused look on his face. Suddenly, all the books that were floating around Twilight dropped.
"I DON'T KNOW!!!" Twilight shouted worriedly.
-Meanwhile in a parallel universe where Latin is the dominant language instead of English-
"Pinkie Pie quid agatur!" Twilight increpuit amicus illius sicut cucurrit in Sugarcube Angulum.
"Quid loqueris Twilight?" Pie Pinkie interrogavit amicus illius. Eam risu quam hilarem et lati sæcula.
"Quid Latine?" Interrogavit Twilight.
"*ANHELO!*" Pie Pinkie exclamavit.
-Meanwhile in a parallel universe out in space-
Well... my Dalek servant appears via time-space warp. You ask "what the heck are you doing here?" It responds "I followed you and I now leave you with these gifts, as per my master's instructions." A small box warps in, and it opens, revealing your trusty pocketknife from Earth, and a copy of this:
Then it calls out, "Mission complete, initiating emergency temporal shift!" It disappears, leaving you and Bon Bon sitting there, with a 'WTF' look on your faces. Then you make some coffee. And not just any coffee... Uncle Bob's RUMBA Coffee!
Suddenly, there was a knock on the TARDIS door. Cautiously, The Doctor and Clara opened it to find a Dalek on the other side. Floating... in space....
"What the heck are you doing here?" The Doctor asked it while Clara stood behind him.
"I followed you and now I heave you with these gifts, as per my master's instructions," The Dalek said as it handed The Doctor a small box.
Slowly and cautiously, The Doctor took the box from the Dalek and opened it. As he did, a video projection suddenly came out and this song started playing.
"Mission complete," The Dalek then says. "Initiating emergency temporal shift!" Then, as quickly and spontaneously as it had come, the Dalek vanishes. Both The Doctor and Clara just look out the TARDIS door at where it once was in confusion.
-Meanwhile in a parallel universe where clopping sets your hooves on fire-
"BON BON!!!!" Lyra shouted as she ran into the kitchen. "MY HOOF IS ON FIRE!!!!" Bon Bon then looked over to see that Lyra's hoof not only was indeed on fire, but her whole left leg was as well.
"By Celestia Lyra!" Bon Bon shouted. "What were you watching!?"
-Meanwhile in a parallel universe where dinosaurs are still alive, but also invisible-
Suddenly, Bon Bon took out a shotgun from underneath the kitchen table and started looking around.
"Is there a dinosaur in here?" she asked.
"I don't know, but it's entirely possible," Lyra said as she stopped eating her breakfast and pulled out a chainsaw from underneath the table.
Since you have the day off, do some sight-seeing. Take a tour around Ponyvile, maybe Lyra can be your guide.
Walk around town... LIKE A BOSS
Get coffee and breakfast. Waltz around town like a boss looking for something interesting to do.
Find a bag of bits of an indeterminate amount in your pillow. Then... You take a walk. A normal. Everyday. Walk. It is the most enjoyable thing you have done since you got to Equestria. The entire scenery is PERFECT. Ab. So. Lute. Ly. PERFECT!
I second this. I think a nice, relaxing walk is perfect after such a big party and all that other jazz you've been through.
"So, what are you two doing today?" you ask Lyra and Bon Bon as they finish eating.
"Well, nothing really. The store is closed today so..." Bon Bon replies before Lyra interrupts her.
"I got no plans," Lyra then says.
"Nice," you say to them. "Cause I was actually hoping-" right before you can finish what you're about to ask them, you hear a knock on the door that spontaneously knocks you out of your thoughts.
"I'll get it," Bon Bon says as she hops off of her chair and heads on over to the door. You and Lyra just stare at her for a while before you turn your attention back towards each other.
"So, what were you saying?" Lyra asks you.
"Oh," you say. "Well I was kind of hoping that-"
"Jason!" Bon Bon suddenly calls out from the door. "It's for you!" At that, you're suddenly confused. Who would be here for you right now? It's not early, but still, who would be here now. You just looked back at Lyra, who looks equally as confused as you do.
Since sitting here obviously isn't gonna solve this mystery, you get on out of your chair and head on over towards the door. Lyra jumps out of her chair and follows you.
Bon Bon then scoots to the side as you reach the door. As you do reach the door, you look down at who it could possibly be... and you see....
Go see what the fuck is Twilight's shit.
...Just, you know, don't go alone.
As much fun as that party way, you couldn't help but to think about Twilight. Sure she tried to rape you, but after that little development with the Cenotaur, she's obviously not going to be raping you anytime. If worse comes to worse you just leave and never talk to her. If Spike is giving ya some nasty looks, just try talking to him so he can relay a message back to her.
suddenly, twilight D:
You don't see Twilight, hell you don't even see a pony. There, at the door, is that tiny, purple, lizard, dragon thing that was there when your five friends (yes, you do consider them your friends now) captured Twilight. He was the one who put the horn thing on her and carried her away. You think his name is Spike.
He looks right up at you. Since he is about as tall as Applebloom was, you seem like a giant compared to him.
He doesn't look angry at you, or mad in any way. If anything, he seems depressed, like something is really bothering him.
EPIC STARING BATTLE OF WILLS THINGY-MA-BOB (ACTUAL TERMINOLOGY)
Wait, Spike's a lizard. Can you even win that?
You pull out a horned nord helmet (the one that the dragonborn from skyrim wears in those trailers), pull out a deadra sword enchanted with electricity, you strike him on the head with it while screaming "FOUL DRAGON OF THIS LAND, I AM THE DRAGONBORN, AND YOUR KIND SHALL BE CLEANSED OF THIS EARTH!!!!", and you perform an unrelenting force shout (FUS-RO-DAH!!!!) and spike is thrown crazily far into the distance while shouting something about rarity. You then see a mismatched pony thing that has wings and jet boosters, get on it, while screaming "I AM YOUR GOD, GIVE ME YOURBAGELS SO I MAY PURPLE!!!!" You and your steed then flies off while rainbow shaped turds continuously fly out of its bunghole and coffee shoots out the tips of your helmet while Rick Astley's Rick Roll sing plays in the background. You are god, you are awesome, YOU AR-
You snap out of your daydream and wonder what the hell was all that, but then you look downward while spike is STILL acting so sulky. Well then, the most obvious thing to do is to let him inside and see what the problem is (provided lyra or bon-bon lets him). You see spike as a pseudo-little brother and tyhe man code dictates you see what's getting him down and fix it....somehow
¡OMG A FREAKING DRAGON!....... Out of nowhere you picked up a nordic helmet (the one from Skyrim) and then you shout: FUS-ROH-DAH!!!.........Nothing happens....... ooh shit I remembered that I'm not a dragonborn......
Now for next EPIC STARING CONTEST
Yell FUS-RO-DUH! It then knocks spike many feet away.
If that doesn't work then ask him what's up.
Come up with your own funny reaction here
screaming is funny!!!
seeing spike has, for some reason, unlocked a 3rd slot for non-real characters! quick, channel your inner Skyrim fighter and screaM fus-ro-DAH!
You don't say anything to Spike as you look down at him. Right in his eyes... his eyes of the dragon. He just stares back up at you, unblinking.
He doesn't seem bothered by the fact that you're standing in front of him in just your underwear, but then again, you're pretty much the only thing in this place that insists on wearing clothes all the time. So really, you could be standing in front of him naked and it still wouldn't faze him. You're not about to test that theory though.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, this song starts to play. You have no idea where it's coming from, but you don't care.
You reach out to your right, and pull out your trusty sword, Dragonbane. It's blade sparks with lightning as you hold it. You then reach out to your left and pull out a nordic helmet and place it on your head. You have no idea where you pulled these things from, but you still don't care. The floating ghost Pinkie Pie gives you a quick wink as she disappears just as quickly as she came. With Dragonbane in your hand, you look down at Spike.
"FOUL DRAGON OF THIS LAND!!!" You scream at him. Spike just looks up at you confused. "I AM THE DRAGONBORN, AND YOUR KIND SHALL BE CLEANSED OF THIS EARTH!!!" Then, as you finish speaking, you take in a quick breath. Spike doesn't move, but he's more confused than ever now.
You shout with all of your might and all of your power right at Spike. The resulting force knocks him back several feet, and he flies back like a cannonball. You think you can hear him scream something about Rarity as he's flying back, but you can't tell what it is.
With the dragon vanquished, you just stand there and hold up your sword like the boss that you are. Lyra and Bon Bon just look up at you with amazement while everypony in town suddenly comes out of nowhere and starts praising you and giving thanks to their next dragonborn. You are a bawller boss, no you are more than that now. You are a god, and you WILL -
Then suddenly out of nowhere, you hear the unmistakable roar of another dragon. A large shadow blocks the sky and you and every pony look up. It's difficult to see in the sunlight, but you think you can see the silhouette of another dragon.
Then, suddenly, the dragon roars again and flies down right for you.
Suddenly, Alduin the world eater himself lands right in front of you with a deafening "THUD!!!" as he hits the ground. Upon seeing him, everypony screams and starts running for their lives. You are not deterred though.
You are the dragonborn. You defeated Alduin once, and you can do it again.
IT IS TIME!!!!
FOR THE LAST FINAL BA-
You suddenly wake up from that little daydream to see Spike still staring up at you, still as gloomy as ever.
'Damn,' you think to yourself as you reflect on what you just saw. You've had some pretty epic stare down battles since you got here, but none where you actually got to live what happens. This is.... kind of a new experience for you.
Also, somewhere in the back of your head, where you channel your inner fictional characters, you see something new pop up. Okay, you don't actually see it, but you know it's there. Kind of like how videogame characters aren't aware of the menu options but still know that they are there.... LOOK THAT IS NOT IMPORTANT!!!!
In the space where you channel your inner fictional characters, you see a third option pop up. However, all it says is "Ability Locked." Batman and The Doctor are still there and they are working just fine. However, there is now also this third option which doesn't do anything cause it's locked apparently. You wonder why you never noticed this ability before.
It's strange, meeting Spike has somehow made you aware of this strange third ability, but it hasn't unlocked it for you. You might have to do something else to actually unlock it, but for now, at least you know it's there. You make a mental note to figure this out later. None of the other ponies are even aware that you can do this, so it's not like you can ask any of them for help.
...
...
...
...
Suddenly you feel as if you are forgetting something very important. You then look back to to see Spike still there, still staring up at you. That's right. You've got to see what he wants right now.
Ask him what's wrong.
Don't die.
Your big brother instincts start kicking in and you proceed to pat Spike on the head and tell him "What's up little guy? Is there something wrong?" You also have a feeling that the reason Spike is so depressed is because of Twilight.
Thank him politely then ask him why he looks so down.
"What is your quest?"
I ask him what's wrong.
Response: Hey there! Spike was it? *kneels down to Spike's level* What's wrong?
maybe ask Spike some questions like "Hey Spike, what's up? You looking a bit depressed there, something happen?" If he doesn't talk about it, maybe should try cheering him up... at least to the best of your ability. Preferably not with the bag of green that Fluttershy makes, after all he is a baby dragon.
You feel your big brother instincts kick in as you look down at this apparently sad dragon. You may not know him, hell, you're not even sure how old he even is, but you still feel like a big brother to him.
"Hey, there... Spike was it?" you say as you kneel down so that you are eye level with him. "What's going on?" You say that, though you're pretty sure you know what it might be. You can take two potential guesses.
"Nothing, nothing much," Spike says as he looks away and rubs the back of his head with his claw. Yeah, something is definitely wrong here. "And yeah, it's Spike." He says as he looks back up at you. He just stares at you in silence for a few more moments. Just as you're about to open your mouth to ask him if anything is wrong, he interrupts you. "Hey, um..." he says. "Can we talk? Inside..."
"Uh.... sure," you reply as you stand back up and step aside to let him in. You see no reason why you shouldn't. The least you can do is hear the little guy out right now.
He walks past you into Lyra and Bon Bon's house as Bon Bon shuts the door behind him. You then see him make a beeline (or is it dragonline) right for the couch. Seeing this, you walk on over to it and sit down. Spike, because of his size, pulls himself up and crawls up onto it. He then takes a seat on the opposite side from you. Lyra and Bon Bon just stand across from the two of you.
You watch Spike as he just stares ahead at the coffee table. A few moments pass and he still doesn't say anything. So, you make an attempt to break the ice.
"You know," you say to him. "I never got the chance to thank you for helping me out before. So, thank you. I really appreciate it."
"What?" Spike says, as if he just now realized you were there. "Oh, right, yeah. No problem." He says as he keeps staring at you. Okay, he's looking at you now, so this is a start.
Listen politely to everything the lizard has to say. Then proceed to flip out.
Show your gratitude first Jason: I never got the chance to thank you before, so..Thanks.... Spike: Ya, No Problem... Then proceed to geek the hell out because there is a freaking talking dragon in front of you. Ponies are nice and all, but he's a God Damn Dragon: This Plays in your mind as you ask him: "ARE YOU A DRAGON?!!! BECAUSE THAT IS FRIGGING RAD AS HELL!!!! CAN YOU BREATHE FIRE!!! HOW TOUGH ARE YOUR SCALES!!! DO YOU KNOW PAARTHURNAX?!!! CAN YOU TEACH ME TO THUUM?!!!"
A strange behavior / Is it about Rarity / Or Twilight Sparkle?
Scream like the little bitch you are!!!!
(... Tenebris, what's wrong?) (Razor hasn't used my comments.) (What did you say, Talk so that i can hear you.) (I said,Razor hasn't used my comments.) (Oh,Tenebris. Razor can't always use your comments. There is so many of others also that want their comments out.) (*sigh* I know, I know.)
Say hi to him and ask how Twilight is doing. Also ask if she is still trying to get out to rape you.
"See Tenebris. See!!! We're not ignoring you. Look, we used your comment. SEE!!! ..... Oh, don't worry Tenebris, I know you're sad that Razor can't always use your comments, or use them the way that you expected them too. He's like me in that way. I don't do things that other ponies expect. Plus, if he did that, then this story wouldn't be as entertaining to read wouldn't it? BUT HE'S NOT IGNORING YOU!!! Really, he isn't. He really isn't, I'm 123% sure that he isn't. Anyway, I know you can't respond to me like this, but I just wanted to let you know that. Razor appreciates you like he does all his comments. So don't you worry your pretty little head. *pats you on the head* Well, I have to bounce away Tenebris. Lots of ponies to make smile and so little time, plus there's so much of me being Pinkie that has to get done and there aren't any other Pinkies...... well not anymore...... so nopony else is gonna be Pinkie. So bye bye Tenebris, and remember
Story unrelated: *Is busy bouncing around in incredible joy that my comment got used and expanded on like that*
Story related: THank Spike for his help the other day. Recognize that he is feeling down. Ask him what is wrong. If it is Rarity related, lend him your SWAG. If it is related to Twilight, determine exactly what he needs. If it involves going anywhere near Twilight, tell him you'll be right with him, you just need to grab your knife...for reasons of personal safety feelings, then go back inside, grab your knife, and leap out the window and run for it.
<--- This, but replace the flip out with a stare in awe.
I think you saw the TomSka video 'meanwhile' on the comment I put it on.
And yet 'Jason' HASN'T LOOKED AROUND TOWN YET. Also where is the plot I'm looking for it and I can't seem to find it.
Step 1.) Remember Spike's name and then return his greeting, along with your thanks for his aid in saving you from Twilight.
Step 2.) Notice his mood and invite him inside, then proceed to discuss what has him down.
Step 3A.) In the event that the issue is with Twilight and her current state, ask him if he knows anypony that she looks up to that might be able to help. You intention is for her parents, but Spike will likely think of the Princess. Agree that it's likely to help her if someone with enough authority comes in to help her get herself together.
Step 3B.) If his problem is Rarity's attraction to you, sit him down Male to Male. Tell him point blank that your species has major social consequences, and psychological for that matter, or courting outside your species. In other words, you are not interested in Rarity, and if he would like, you could offer to help him win her over. Granted, you can only show him the ear scratch and make a few educated guesses as to what could win her over, but some help is better than none.
Step 4A.) In the event either of the two above steps have been discussed and Spike needs you to go with him, look to Lyra and Bon-Bon asking if they would come along, both for safety reasons and because it's something to do.
Step 4B.) In the event Spike doesn't need your presence, look to your roommates and say, "Well, that happened. So, up for hanging out around town? I still haven't seen much of it, and I figure between the three of us we can find something to do."
Step 5.) ...meh, that's all I got bro. Best of luck! Your brain, signing off!
Suddenly, you feel the plot of this story smack you in the face as it returns, and it returns, but Spike finally speaking.
"Okay," he finally says to you. "I'm just gonna say it." He pauses for a moment to turn to face you on the couch before he speaks. "Look, ever since that night in the Everfree forest, Twilight's been. Well..." he pauses for a moment, as if to find the right word. "Well, to put it simply, she's been feeling awful. I don't think I've ever seen her so depressed." The moment he mentioned Twilight, you were prepared to stop the conversation, but now... "She hasn't eaten since she got home, she barely sleeps at all, and she won't even say a word to me or anypony. I even tried to make her her favorite breakfast this morning and she wouldn't touch it. It's like when Discord turned her gray because he corrupted her friends... or something like that, only, I don't even think she was that depressed even then." You have no idea who this "Discord" person is, but you don't think that's important right now. You then see him shuffle in his seat a little as he looks away from you.
"She's been like that ever since I took her home and well, I know what she tried to do to you isn't in any way right, but I'm still really worried about her right now. I even wrote a letter to the Princess about this, and she's coming tomorrow, but..." With that, he then looks right at you. "I know this is asking a lot, and I really mean A LOT, but..." you think you can understand where this is going, and you don't necessarily like it. "Do you think you could talk to her? At least once, before she arrives." Okay, somehow you knew that was coming. "Since, you're part of the reason for all this... I just thought..." he pauses for another moment again to find the right words. You notice both Lyra and Bon Bon's mouths drop as they hear what he is saying. "Look, I'm not saying that it's your fault or anything like that, but..." he's getting kind of nervous now. "You don't even have to talk to her alone. Maybe you can just meet her for dinner or something and we'll be close by. Don't worry, we're not gonna let her do anything to you..." Now he's stumbling over his words.
In all honestly, you kind of expected something like this. You don't really know this dragon very well, but you figured that's why he'd be here, especially since he was the one who carried Twilight away after all that was over, you guessed that he was somehow close to her. Really, the moment he mentioned Twilight you were prepared to drop kick him out of a window, but this new information kind of changes things.
Not only that, but Twilight is the only one who can send you back home.
So, with that in mind, what do you even say to the little dragon?
What do y- ESTABLISHING CONNECTION.... ESTABLISHING CONNECTION.... ESTABLISHING CONNECTION....
Hey what's up everyone, Razor here. I'm going to speak directly to you for a moment.
As I'm sure some of you are no doubt aware, as I've mentioned it a few times before, my last semester here at university is almost over, a I have a lot of projects to turn in, and I do mean A LOT of projects. So basically, what this means is that I am going to be taking the next two weeks off of writing this story so I can focus on them without distractions, and writing this story, as fun as it is for me, is a distraction.
So yeah, I'm gonna be taking a short hiatus to get my stuff done, but then I'm gonna come back in full force and start updating regularly again. So yeah. I know you're all probably all disappointed by this, believe me, I am too. I have the greatest fans in the world and I wouldn't do anything to take this from you, but these things really have to get done now and yeah.... I just need to clear myself of distractions. I'm really sorry, but this has to get done.
Also, quick reminder while I have your attention. Remember that submissions for the fanart contest end April 30th, which is in eleven days. So if you have any fanart that you want to submit for that, then you better get cracking on that cause the deadline is coming soon. As of this moment I only have six submissions. So if any of you want to get in on that, you don't have much longer.
If you want to submit art to me, just PM me so that I know you are submitting something. We can discuss how you get it to me then. And yeah, don't worry, I will be showing off the artwork of all those who entered so you will get to see them all in their glory. So yeah.
I will not accept any submissions after April 30th, and then after that, I will look through them and present the winners the following week. So yeah. Good luck.
Remember, the prizes for first, second and third place are.
First: - I will use your comments for a week regardless of what they are - I will promote your work (or someone else's work that you can name if you don't have any of your own) by any means that I can, including my youtube channel and this story. - DaedaltheusXIV and I will do a dramatic reading of a story of your choice. It can be ANY story.
Second: - I will use your comments for a week.
Third: - I will use your comments for three days.
So yeah... the deadline for that is coming up soon. So yeah, good luck.
Seem really apprehensive at what he's just asked of you, but then ask one fundamental question that will help your decision. "Is she going to be wearing that 'No Magic Horn Cover'? Whatever his answer,tell him that she has to wear that and all her friends have to be surrounding them at all times, no private conversation with her. Deal?
State that yes, you will try to talk to her. However, given the kind of first few days you had here, reasonable measures to ensure your own sense of security around her should be taken. Keeping in mind that the reasons for your feelings of insecurity are most likely part of the reason for her depression, determine if it is possible to implement such safety measures so that they won't be entirely obivous.
No; insist she wears the antimagic horn cover, but let that be the only preparation: After all, you're pretty sure you can take her in a physical fight when she can't use magic, so even if she decides to try something...
Actually, bring your knife, just in case.
Ok, as much as you hate to go to Twilights place and see her, this dragon looks desperate to cheer her up. If things go south... just gtf on outta there like a boss. Plus you don't have to yolo this, you can bring someone with you, just in case right. Either way, I think it's time to be a boss and see Twilight.
Agree to talk to Twilight if only to find out why she brought you here to make a centaur in the first place.
Well, this has been coming for a while, and while you still feel a slight twinge of fear, you realize that you need to confront her and get the answers you need from her, WITHOUT any inane interruptions from solid snake, jesus, discord, the holy hind, and whatever else pops up. So with THAT in mind, tell him "Spike......I won't lie, still hearing her name being talked here gives me feelings of small fear, but, for you.....ill do it, ill talk to her, BUT, only if these conditions are met: #1: She keeps that horn cover thing that you used to block her magic on the entire time we talk. #2: You do more than be near-by; we have the meeting set-up so me and twilight will be in one room, and you and the rest of twilight's friends in the other so if she does try something, you'll be able to stop her. #2.5: You said the princesses would arrive soon correct? Well I want them in the meeting as well; if they can do things that twilight can't, but they're in the more calm state of mind, they'll be needed to subdue her if you and your friends can't. #3: Some sort of recording system will be set-up so if at anytime I or others wish to review the meeting, I can figure out more info. #4: Drinks. There must be drinks that will have her calm down and be more friendly towards me, but not in the sense of what happened to her. And maybe some snacks too, something simple that twilight will eat when I can convince her to. #5: Some sort of warning system in-case this meeting will get interrupted (you say under your breath "god damn snake and that fucking hind"). If you can get these conditions met with everyone that will be attending this meeting (royalty included), then I'll do it....wait, if she has a brother, can you try and get him here as well, maybe if I fail in trying to help her alone, the 2 of us (me and her brother, if she has one) can do one better. Again spike, this must go perfect, otherwise.....to be honest, I don't know what else to say, im hungry, I got a slight headache going on, and I just don't know what else to say."
Ask him if you can bring a weapon to protect yourself- preferably a magical knife that can tear through a rock. Also, ask if he has anything that you can use as a 'dog beating paper roll' A.K.A. a newspaper.
Response: Maybe I do owe it to her to have a talk. As long as you guys are close by (Mumbles to self: And make sure I have my knife) just incase things go bad. Deal?
You study Spike for a little while the thoughts of talking with Twilight come into your mind, the consequences and the possible rewards that would come from it if you should follow through with it. Then suddenly your inner Alex Louis Armstrong says to you "Jason, this little dragon is trying to find a way to help his care taker get out of this depression she is currently in and he chose you to help him help her."
You then reply back to him in your mind with "If you haven't already noticed she tried to rape me from before also Celestia is coming tomorrow and that should set things straight. It shouldn't be my problem."
Armstrong replies back "Wrong, it IS your problem as well. You are at the center of this whole fiasco and you should take responsibility as well even though you were dragged into this. Two wrongs don't make a right Jason, at least give Twilight some closure to this whole mess, it is possibly the most manliest decision at this point. Choose wisely my friend."
You digest the inner Alex Louis Armstong's words for a while. Although you are most definitely sure this will bite you in the ass in the end you decide to take up Spike's offer ONLY if Twilight is wearing an anti-magic ring and the entire tree house is surrounded ponies so that at any moments notice they could bust in at anytime.
A great sense of terror wells up in your breast, and you cannot help but shoot a panicked look at Lyra and Bonnie. You silently plead with them for advice on how you should proceed.
You pat the young dragon on the head and give him a reassuring smile. "Sure kid, ill give it a shot, I mean you already helped me out of a sticky situation so I might as well return the favor, right?" Spike: "R-realy" You stretch your neck as far as it will go saying "NOPE.avi" Spike: "W-what?" "Just kidding Spike of corse I'll help you out"
as reluctant as you, are you might as well go for it and try and talk to her. But only if she has the anti-magic cone on her head and you have your knife; better safe than sorry, you are still wary of her.
Reluctantly agree to talk to Twilight, as long as there are other people ponies there. Just to make sure she doesn't try anything funny again.
You should take the offer but, be careful.
(Pinkie are you thinking what i'm thinking?) (I gues but, how can some snails sleep even 3 years?) (Yeah, wait no I wa-) (Or that most orange juices are actually yellow. (What, that doesn't even make-) (Or that a scorpion can hold its breath 6 days. Isn't that interesting. ) (...) (Tenebris?) (...I Need sleep.) (Ok, Bye.)
Jason: Of course little friend, I'll do this for you and for SKYRIM!!
Spike:......wut?
You have to confront Twilight sooner or later. Tell Spike that you will see her as long as you aren't alone with her, she still has her magic-supressing hornring on, and that you're allowed to bring your knife.
Spike doesn't want you to bring the knife. He looks around the Lyrabon house a little, spots the newspaper, walks over to it, and rolls it up.
Lyra and Bon Bon scream and run into the basement.
Spike gives you the Rolled-Up Newspaper and tells you to use this instead of the knife. It works surprisingly well against all four-legged beings.
Tell Spike to chill—of course you're going to see Twilight. She's obviously not crazy anymore, and she has some good friends, so she must be a decent pony some of the time.
And the Princess will be arriving tomorrow as well, surely she can sort something out.
Right?
Step 1.) Ask if Bon-Bon and Lyra think this is a good idea, and if so, would they go with you.
Step 2A.) If they say yes and agree, go for it, but keep your guard up, and try to ask about how ponies usually deal with their problems as a point of reference.
Step 2B.) If Lyra and Bon-Bon say this isn't the best idea, say that it might be better if you come when this Princess Celestia arrives. Both for safety reasons, and because with her presence, there might be more chance to get Twilight to explain the events to this whole Centaur thing.
Step 3.) In either event, but more likely to succeed after step 2A, ask him about dragons. Specifically, ask him if they have their own language, and were know to have powers beyond typical fire-breathing and the like. You have a sudden suspicion that a certain game series may have been right about something.
Someone's putting links to videos in their suggestions? They're just copying my shtick!
Anyway, you might as well talk to her. If she feels this guilty after what has happened over the past few days, she can't really be that bad of a person, right?
Also, remember that she had to have her way with you to make some sort of centaur. You should probably find out more about that. It could be important later on. A Chekov's Gun, if you will.
go talk to little miss crazy but only if you have witnesses and she is restrained and be sure to wear lots of layers of clothes so if he trys to rape you it will take her longer to strip you and you have time to think of an escape plan
"I... I mean you don't have to if you don't want to. I mean, I know what she tried to do to you, and the princesses are coming tomorrow so-"
Spike keeps talking, but you're not paying that much attention to him. From the moment he asked you what he wanted you to do, you've been wrestling in your head the implications of what he asked you to do, and whether or not it is a good idea. Sure, there are pros and cons to both sides.
On one hand... hoof. She is the only one who knows how to send you back. She brought you here, so logic dictates that she will know how to send you back (and remember from the intermission that she does know how to send you back) home, so talking to her would be beneficial. You also kind of want to know what the deal is with that centaur she was going on about.
On the other hoof.... hand. You know for a fact now that she is, without a doubt, bats**t, off the wall, insane. You have absolutely no idea what she will do to you if you are alone in the same room with her. She might even relapse at the sight of you and try to have her way with you again. Clearly she is mentally unstable, so anything could happen.
As you think through this, you look over to Lyra and Bon Bon, who are still standing right across from you. You watch as Bon Bon vigorously shakes her head sideways as subtly as she thinks she can (which isn't very subtle at all), and Lyra just shrugs.
You then look back at Spike, whose still talking, but you don't really hear him.
"Jason Morgan!" you suddenly hear a voice that doesn't belong to Spike, Lyra or Bon Bon say. Surprised, you quickly look to your right, only to see the floating head of Pinkie Pie right next to you. Great, now you're seeing ghost Pinkie Pies... your day just got a whole lot better. Hell, you're starting to think that this song might be starting to fit you as well. "Spike here is trying to find a way to help his caretaker get out of this depression she is currently in and he chose you to help him help her." the floating head of Pinkie Pie says to you.
"If you haven't already noticed," you reply back to the ghost Pinkie as quietly as you can so that hopefully Spike, Lyra and Bon Bon don't notice you talking to it, which thankfully they don't. "She tried to rape me from before. Also, Celestia is coming tomorrow and that should set things straight. It shouldn't be my problem."
"Wrong!" The ghost Pinkie Pie says to you. "It IS your problem as well. You are at the center of this whole fiasco and you should take responsibility as well even though you were dragged into this. Two wrongs don't make a right, Jason, at least give Twilight some closure to this whole mess, it is possibly the most manliest decision at this point. Choose wisely my friend." And with that, the ghost Pinkie disappears. You just keep looking at where it was for a moment, as if somehow you staring at it will somehow make it so that it didn't happen.
You then look back at Lyra and Bon Bon, who are still giving you the same looks as before. You then look back at Spike, who is still rambling on. As you let every single thought run through your head one last time, you let out a loud, long sigh as you know what you are going to say.
"And its not like-" Spike continues before you cut him off.
"I'll do it," you say to him. The moment those words leave your mouth, everybody shuts up.
"What," Spike says, surprised that you even said that.
"WHAT!?" Both Lyra and Bon Bon say, shocked as hell that you even said that.
"I'll talk to Twilight," you say again to Spike as you rub a hand over your eyes. Somehow even you can't believe you just agreed to that. Its a few moments before anyone else speaks.
"G... great!" Spike finally says. "Thank you so much for-"
"But," you say before he can go on. "I have three conditions." Spike immediately shuts up at that. Things are silent between you two for a few moments. You take this as an okay to keep talking. "One," you say to him. "She has to keep that anti-magic cone... horn... cover... thing, on her while I'm there." You stop talking at that and just look at Spike.
"All right," he says, not appearing to have any issues with that.
"Two," you continue. "You don't leave me alone with her. At the very least, I would like to have her friends be in the next room or something in case anything happens."
"All right," Spike says again as he hears that. This is going much easier than you though.
"You mean three?" Spike interrupts. You're about to open your mouth to say something, but then you stop yourself. Yeah, he has you on that one. You're bad.
"Three," you say. "I want to bring my knife." At that, the expression on Spikes face suddenly changes, now he's suddenly worried. "It'll make me feel safer." you say to him. "Lets just leave it at that. Don't worry, I'm not planning to use it on her." Of course, that is kind of a lie. You do fully intend on using it on her if she tries anything with you, but you don't want to let this little dragon know that. "I'd just rather have it than not." you say to him. He doesn't respond to you for several minutes. You think you can see the gears in his head turning as he tries to process what you just said. Eventually though, he seems to get it.
"All right," he says with much less vigor than before, but you can understand that bit. If someone wanted to meet your insane significant other armed, you'd probably be a little apprehensive too. Good thing you don't have an insane significant other though. "But, hey." Spike then says as he looks back up at you. "Thank you. I really do appreciate it."
"Yeah, no problem," you say to him as you both hop off the couch and walk back over towards the door.
"Just, come by the library later tonight. I'll fix you bother dinner. You'll like it, I guarantee it." It almost sounds like Spike is buttering you up a little, but you just let him talk. "Say, what do humans even eat anyway?" he asks you.
"Anything really," you reply back. "As long as there isn't any hay or flowers in it." As far as you've seen, those are really the only things these ponies eat that humans don't, at least here anyway. You could be wrong, but you don't think he's gonna do anything.
"All right, that makes this easy," Spike says as you open the door for him. Right as he heads out he turns back and looks up at you. "Again, really, thanks Jason. I know that I'm asking a lot right now but..."
"It's okay," you say to him. "I understand, so I don't blame you."
"Thanks," he says to you one last time. "Well, I guess I better be off. See you tonight." he says before he turns around and leaves.
"Hey wait, Spike!" you say right before he gets anyway.
"Yeah?" he replies as he turns back around.
"Just out of curiosity," you say to him. Though you really have no idea why you are about to ask him what you are. "Do you dragons have your own language, and if you do, does it allow you to have powers beyond just breathing fire?" Yeah, you have no idea why you felt compelled to ask that, but you just feel as if a certain Elder Scrolls game may have been right about something. Spike just looks up at you with the most confused face you've ever seen.
"I don't think so," he replies. "Though, I'm not really sure. I don't think I ever really thought to try that."
"All right," you say to him. You have a feeling you're not gonna get anymore out of him anyway. "Anyway, I'll see you later tonight. Uh, what time do you want me to be there?"
"Probably around seven or so," Spike says. "Just, anytime after that would be fine."
"Okay, that works," you say to him before you wave him off. "Bye." you say to him.
"Bye," Spike says as he leaves. As you close the door, you turn back around to look at Lyra and Bon Bon. Both have incredibly worried looks on their faces.
"Are you..." Bon Bon finally speaks. "Are you sure this is a good idea Jason? I mean..."
"No, not really," you reply back to her. In truth, you aren't sure about this idea at all. "But if I don't, I might never get any answers, and I might never figure out how to get home." You say to him, though it doesn't appear to do anything to alleviate their woes. "Besides, I don't think we have anything to worry about." You then say to them. "You two will be with me, won't you?" At that, Bon Bon suddenly gets an even more worried look on her face.
"Of course we will!" Lyra suddenly says as she steps forward. For some reason, you think you can hear this song start to play as she speaks. "We've stuck by you this long. We're not about to leave alone with some crazy purple unicorn just yet. We'll stick with you to the end, right Bon Bon?" Lyra says to her as she throws a hoof around her neck and pulls her in close.
"Uh... uhh..." is all Bon Bon says as she looks at Lyra, then to you, then back at Lyra, then back to you, then back at Lyra, then back to you. "Yeah," she finally says after she calms down. You then watch as a smile starts to spread across her face. "Yeah, we will." she says to you. At that, Lyra smiles too and lets her go. You can't help but feel a smile crawl across your face as well. Suddenly, you're feeling a lot better about this.
"So," you then say to them. "Since we don't have to be there until later tonight, you two still wanna show me around Ponyville?" You ask them.
"Ah of course!" Lyra says as she claps her hooves together. "Sure, we'll show you EVERYTHING!!!" for some reason, she found it necessary to stand up on her hind hooves and throw her forehooves up into the air as she said that.
"But first things first," Bon Bon said as she looked at you with a sort of smirk on her face. "You need a shower." At that, you just look down and then smell yourself. She is right. You do need one.
So... Lyra and Bon Bon are going to show you around Ponyville. Of course you are going to shower and get dressed first, but after that, you have no idea where to go.
You may not know Ponyville, but you the readers certainty do. Where should Lyra and Bon Bon take him? What should he see?
Well, isn't it obvious? TO THE SHOWER! *later* So, now what? You now have the information you wanted, you could get home... But do you really want to now?
Step one: shower
First things first take that mutha fucking shower and during said shower you get visited by none other than... THE OLD SPICE GUY! Image: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef012877b43d87970c-pi He then hands you a bottle of Old Spice body wash and tells you to "Wash up like a man, man!" He then proceeds to ride off into the horizon on his white steed in a manly... manner... way... thing...
Take a shower, then sing Savior *LIKE A BOSS* while strolling through the entire town.
Take a shower with Apple Spice: +10 to Manly Musk +3 to Charisma -1 to Badassedness (no more layer of grime) Recount your attributes before continuing. Now make an awareness check. If successful, you feel that something is wrong with the Equestrian politics, before shaking the feeling off. If failed, you get a cold shiver up your spine. GO TO DERPY'S HOUSE AND MEET DOCTOR WHOOVES! Either that or pass a blue police box on your way somewhere else.
Step 1.) Shower, make use of shampoo as body-wash if needed, otherwise, go for the manliest scent they have. ...failing that, normal scented shampoo, likely apple or similar.
Without wasting anymore time at all, you head straight for the shower. Bon Bon really was right. You kind of do smell bad, and by bad, you mean you smell mostly of booze, sweat, and oddly enough, cupcakes. Yeah, you really smelled like cupcakes. You're not even sure how that happened.
Now you're just wondering how the hell Spike didn't manage to smell on this on you when he came over. You know that the ponies have better a better sense of smell than you do with your small nose, so he must have been able to smell it too. You're pretty sure dragons have a better sense of smell than humans as well. Unless of course, he was just being polite, which given his personality seems incredibly likely.
All that aside, you jump right in the shower and turn the knob. Cold water blasts you for a moment, but then quickly turns hot. You stand there for a moment and let the water run over you, a relaxing sensation. As you do that, you look down and notice a new bottle of soap that wasn't there before. Its red, and kind of has a familiar logo on it.
Curious, you pick it up and look at it. The label reads "Apple Spice" and is followed with a picture of a green apple cut in half along with the words "The stallion your brony could smell like" underneath it. Apparently, this is soap for Stallions. Lyra or Bon Bon must have picked it up for you yesterday while you were working. You have to make a note to thank them later. Yeah, its horse soap, but given where you are you can't really afford to complain.
Also, your mind goes back to that picture of that politician you saw in the paper earlier. Risen Flag if you can remember correctly. You're not sure why, but something really bugs you about him, like something is very wrong in politics right now. But hey, at least you aren't in a dimension filled with H.P. Lovecraft references, right? Right...
You decide not to let it bother you and start singing Savior to yourself as you take the rest of your shower.
Step 2.) Get dressed in garments Rarity made you, with luck you'll have a day where they will not be destroyed. Plus, they are your only clean duds right now.
About ten minutes later, you get out of the shower only to see Lyra and Bon Bon standing there in their room waiting for you.
"Oh, hey..." Bon Bon says to you as she giggles a little bit.
...Why is Bon Bon blushing at the sight of my naked form?
You then notice her blush a little bit. Why she is blushing at the sight of your naked form you have no idea.
"So, are you... done?" she asks you, as if the answer wasn't obvious enough.
"Yeah," you reply.
"Great!" Lyra says as she walks up and places a hoof around Bon Bon's neck. "Come on, Bonnie." She says as she ushers her into the shower.
"Wait a sec?" you say as you watch this happen. "Are you both getting in?"
"Yep," Lyra just replies as she gives you a wink. Seeing the hint, you walk out the room and leave them be. You can hazard at least two guesses as to where this may be going.
In practically no time at all, you're back in the clothes that Rarity made for you. You've decided to put your work clothes back on, since your other ones are in the laundry and these are surprisingly clean. They also smell like apples for some reason.
Roughly twenty five minutes later, Lyra and Bon Bon comes out of the shower and back into the living room where you've been waiting for them patiently.
"Hey Jason," Lyra says to you as she enters the room sporting a smile on her face thats as bright as the sun.
"Sup," you reply. You decide not to say anything about their obvious shower romp. That would just be impolite.
"You look nice," Bon Bon says to you, smiling as usual.
"Thanks," you reply to her, not knowing what else to say.
"So," Lyra says as she rubs her hooves together. "Shall we get going?" she asks. You just nod and walk with her towards the door as she opens it for you. Its time for you to get properly introduced to this town with the most unsubtle name you've ever seen.
Step two: explore Ponyville with Lyra and Bon Bon
Stay on your guard at ALL TIMES, DO YOU HEAR ME!? REMAIN ON-GUARD! You don't know how much crazy sh*t might happen within the next 12 hours, so be ready for anything. Seriously, if that Twilight chick snaps, you need to react quickly.
Of course, you fully intend to stay on your guard at all times. You've still got your knife with you, though you're more than certain right now that you won't need it at all. You more or less just put it on now as habit, since its attached to your belt. Oh well, as long as you don't pull it out you should be fine.
How about a montage, complete with Yankety Sax music.
You feel as if a montage is somehow necessary right now. Unfortunately, since this is a written work of prose as opposed to an actual episode of the show, montages will be rather difficult. Instead what will follow are just some short snippets of what happens around the town.
3: Meet and greet ponies you've seen on the street, ask names, recognize the ones you've seen before. Twilight's in no condition to send you home right now, and you might be here a while. Plus, they seem like good folk... when they're not in heat.
As the three of you walk through town, you meet several ponies on the streets as you walk around. Many of whom you've seen and remember from the party at Pinkie Pie's place last night. They're all really polite and say hi to you as you walk by. Really, when these ponies aren't insane or driven by a strange heat spell, they seem all right. They're all really nice. If only your own hometown was like this.
Get Lyra or Bon Bon to show you around Ponyville's market. Buy a pocket-book and some colored pencils, and start making dossiers of the ponies that you know. You're no artist, but you can take down a pony's name and info, color scheme, profile with mane-style (kinda), and their assmark. You never know who you can trust, so you'd better keep tabs on all these ponies. Plus, keeping a journal or other documentation of your time in Ponyland will make it that much easier when you go sell your story to Hollywood (or Cellywood if you don't make it home) for millions of dollars/bits.
Show your friend around, starting with Applejack's stand. Likely having a pleasant encounter with the mare, and inform her of plans for later on that night. Applejack will thus become contingency plan should things go bad.
The first place that they take you too ends up being the market street. You vaguely remember this place when you had that unfortunately first encounter with Applejack and wrecked her stand. Yeah, not a very pleasant moment. Still, you've made amends since then, so all is good.
While you're there, you notice a pony selling what looks like a pocket book as well as a set of pencils to go with it. You're not sure why, but you feel like it would be useful somewhere down the line if you want to sell this story to Hollywood when you get back....
Not that you think they will take it of course, cause really this story is f***ed up enough as it is, but still, its worth a shot. You go to pay for it, only to realize you don't have any bits... You don't get paid working at Applejack's farm after all. Luckily for you, Lyra springs you the three bits to pay for it and you're on your way. You put the book in your back pocket for when you need it. After that, you look around the market street some more.
"Why howdy, Jason," a familiar voice calls out to you. You look over to see Applejack running her newly reconstructed Apple stand waving at you. You have no idea when she found the time to repair her stand, but you figure it must have been sometime when you were working for her. After all, not all of her day was spent harvesting apples.
"Hey, Applejack," you reply as you walk over to her. Lyra and Bon Bon follow.
"What are ya'll doin out here today?" she asks you.
"We're showing him around Ponyville," Lyra says to her. "Since you know, his only real time spent here has been running for his life." She finishes that with a bit of a chuckle. You want to say something, but you know that what she said is essentially true.
"Why that's mighty kind of ya," Applejack replies to her.
"Wow, those are some delicious looking Apples you got today," Bon Bon says she looks over a few. "How much for a dozen?"
"For you Bon Bon, four bits," Applejack replies. Bon Bon then forks over the necessary four bits and drops a dozen apples in her saddlebags, which she grabbed before you all left.
"Hey, Applejack," you say to her.
"Yeah, Jason?"
"Just so you know, Spike came over earlier today, and well, he asked me to-"
"I know," Applejack says before you can finish. "He was here earlier. He told me everything." You try to wrap your head around that for a moment. Surely he spoke to you no more than forty five minutes ago, so how did he get to her so fast? Did he go straight here after your talk with him? "Don't worry, Ah'll be there," Applejack then says. "Ah won't let anythin happen to yah. You can count on me." She says with a wink. Well, you suppose its a good thing that Spike managed to tell her as quickly as he did. You now have Applejack as your contingency plan.
After that, you say your goodbyes and get on to checking out the rest of the town. You've got a lot to see after all.
Step 4.) Visit Rarity's shop, where possible order for more human cloths is placed, just casual stuff, like T-shit and pants. Also, more thanking for the cloths already given and possible hint-drop from mares that she should check out Spike. Odds of said hint working in Spike's favor, less than 1% but worth trying anyway.
You then stop by Rarity's shop, since its nearby. You stop in to say hi to her. Of course she is delighted to see you as she always is. She also tells you that Spike talked to her as well, and she's going to back you up too. She also mentions how Spike spoke to all of Twilight's friends. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, they're all gonna be there too. How he managed to speak to them all is beyond you, but hey, at least they are all there for you.
While you are there, you drop a hint for Rarity to check out Spike before you leave. Yeah, you know it has less than a 1% chance of working given his age, but hey, at least it was a shot.
Meet Vinyl Scratch and her fillyfriend Octavia
"Hey what's up Jason!" You hear another voice say as you walk back through the town proper. The three of you turn to see the DJ Pony walk up to you with a grey earth pony wearing a pink bow tie right next to her.
"Oh, hey, umm..." you say to her, but for the life of you you cannot remember her name. You don't think she ever told you.
"Vinyl." She says to you as she holds out a hoof. "Vinyl Scratch." You then shake her hoof. "That was some crazy party last night huh?" she asks you.
"Yeah, yeah it was," you reply back to her.
"So this is the human you were telling me about, Vinyl?" the grey pony says as she steps closer to get a good look at you.
"Yep," Vinyl say as she walks up next to her and puts a hoof around her neck, which causes the grey pony some discomfort. "Jason, meet my fillyfriend, and lovely lesbian lover, Octavia."
"VINYL!!!" Octavia screams at has she pulls a way, a blush as red as the apples on her face. Both Vinyl and Lyra laugh a bit to themselves at that. Bon Bon seems to be more on Octavia's side as she just glares at Lyra.
introduce some of these ponies [Vinyl Scratch] REAL music
If you had any music with which to introduce her too, you would, but alas, you're in a different world with nothing you own so you don't. Still, you do talk to her and Octavia for a few moments. They both seem really nice, and Octavia seems like a really cool person... pony.
The swimming hole maybe? He's already been to most of the places in Ponyville we normal see.
Afterwards, Lyra and Bon Bon take you to the local swimming hole, which is just a large lake right outside of Sweet Apple Acres. Its a nice, clear lake, and if you could you would probably jump in. Since you have more of the town to see though, you decide against it.
Somewhere, somehow, meet Time Turner and Derpy again. Where? I don't know, wherever these other comments say to go!
Suddenly, out of nowhere, as you walk back into town you see a grey pegasus crash down from the sky. You rush over to help it up, revealing it to be none other than Derpy Hooves, a satchel of mail around her neck again.
"Thank you Jason," Derpy says to you in that adorable voice she has.
"No problem," you say to her.
"You okay, Derpy?" Bon Bon asks her as she brushes off her wings.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," Derpy says to them as she adjusts her eyes, which are still looking in two directions. "OH!" she suddenly explains. "Before I forget." She then digs into her mail satchel, and by dig, you mean she buries her whole head in it and pulls out a pair of letters.
"Here you go," you think you can hear her says with a mouthful of letters as she hands them to Lyra and Bon Bon.
"Thank you Derpy," Bon Bon says to her as she takes the letters and puts them in her saddlebag.
"Well, I better get going," Derpy says. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she flies right up so that she's eye level with you and hugs you. Really hard. Like a real squeeze hug. "It was nice meeting you Jason. Bye!" she says before she flies off.
"Well, that was a weird encounter," Lyra says as she watches Derpy fly off.
"Yeah, yeah it was," you say. You're starting to wonder where Time Turner is now, for some reason.
Lyra and Bon Bon take you to a strip club
The local changeling-run brothel, it'll be good to see Chrysalis. I love winning contests.
"You should go to the local changeling-run brothel," you suddenly hear a bubblegummy voice say out of nowhere. You then turn to your left to see the floating head of Ghost Pinkie Pie there. "I'm just kidding," she says as she giggles in the way she does. "Ponyville doesn't have a changeling-run brothel.
-Meanwhile, in a parallel universe where Ponyville DOES have a changeling-run brothel-
"Why did you bring me here?" you ask Lyra and Bon Bon as the three of you stand in the doorway of the local changeling-run brothel. You honestly did not expect to meet anything even remotely resembling a changeling here, and now you're in a place where all of them are trying to be sexy.
"I don't know," Lyra replies as she looks on ahead before she turns her attention back at you, smiling. "Seemed like fun."
-Meanwhile, in this story's universe-
Shortly after your encounter with Derpy, the three of you run into a clock shop of some kind. The three of you walk in to see Time Turner working there. You say hi to him and check out what he has.
it might be time to channel your inner Larry Underwood go get a classy wristwatch
Strangely enough, you feel compelled to get a classy wristwatch. Unfortunately enough, all the watches he has here and kind of expensive. Plus, they are made for ponies, so they are much to big for your wrists. Oh well, it was a good idea while it lasted.
when touring ponyville you pass by this statue of a pegasus that really creeps you out for some reason. when you are walking away you look back at it only to get spooked out of your mind. the statue was looking directly back at you, it had moved
After that is done, the three of you then walk through town again. Along the way, the three of you come across a giant status of Princess Celestia, who is standing tall and looking, for the most part, very regal. Suddenly, a thought crosses your mind.
"Hey Lyra, Bon Bon."
"Yeah," they both say at the same time as they look at you.
"What's your Princess Celestia like?" you ask them.
"Oh, her," Lyra replies. "She's really nice. She raises the sun everyday, she always tries to be fair and kind to everypony, and she really enjoys meeting her subjects." She then turns back to you. "Why do you ask?" She then says to you.
-In Jason's mind-
Hmmm... I think you should have him end up with the doctor in the hospital. What he's been here for like what weeks? I'm no expert; but, isn't in human nature to build huge paranoia when they are in a place they don't know with next to no way to go back when ever you want to? I could be wrong and this dosn't happen but I've heard something bad happens if a situation like this happens. I think it would build up so much stress to the point of collapse and start to have a... What was it called again its something attack(I don't know). By collapse I mean he will star freaking the F*** out and maybe star crying. I think this also happens even when the victim is unaware that he's doing it(I think it happens to some collage freshman) despite with all the support he's getting. If this continues for him untreated he might star have a psychological break down. (This was in idea I came up with while I've had a chat with some friends about psychology). My completely unrelated suggestion: have Celestia arrest Jason (for being human)and she tries to rape him (what she's a troll and a molester) which will explain where the original centaurs came from. ( I could go though some more science but I'm not that good at It and I don't care)
Suddenly, you hear a knock on the door to Lyra and Bon Bon's house as you walk over and open it. On the other side of the door are two white pegasi ponies in golden armor.
"Sir, you are under arrest for being a human," they both say to you in a completely deadpan and emotionless voice as they put you in handcuffs. From there, they, along with four more guards, take you all the way to the palace to meet Princess Celestia. A process which takes a lot quicker than you thought it would.
Eventually, you're in her throne room, looking right at her. One of the pony guards then kicks you in the knee so that you fall to your knees. You then suddenly hear the clopping of hooves on the stone floor as you can feel her walking towards you. This is bad, you know it is. This is the end... you're dead... its...
Then suddenly you look back up at Celestia. She's smiling... she's smiling incredibly wide at you.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, you hear this music start to play.
You then watch as Celestia leans in closer, gets right next to your ear and whispers one, single, word to you.
"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You scream out at the top of your lungs.
-Back outside of Jason's mind-
Yeah, in retrospect, this might have been a bad time to remember that Celestia is Twilight's teacher and mentor.
"No reason," you say to Lyra as the three of you head off. As you do, you look back at the statue, and you can swear for a moment you saw its head move. No really, you saw it move. You chalk it up to your imagination. Certainly it didn't move right? Right...
Step three: discover something you wouldn't expect to enjoy, but do Step four: discover something you thought you would enjoy, but don't
sugarcube corner for the win!?!
Step 5.) Visit Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie has a Doozy-combo! She then provides you all cupcakes, before giving you a magical Mugguffin. (IE: Magical item, ranging from Tome of Eternal Darkness, to Magic Muffin...one that actually works...) She says she found the item if asked, and if asked where, shrugs, before changing topic.
The idea then gets tossed around to head to Sugarcube Corner for some lunch. You remember thats where your party was held, but you were never inside it during the day. So you are curious to see whats inside during the day. Plus, some baked goods sound like a really good idea right now.
On your way there however, the three of you notice something odd. You all see Pinkie happily walking through the town. Then out of nowhere, you all hear music start playing. You have absolutely no idea where it is coming from, but you do. Then, you start to hear Pinkie Pie singing.
What do you do?
Note: The next chapter will work in two ways. 1.) I will be a classic suggestion chapter, so yeah, same as always. 2.) Since it is our first (and probably only) musical chapter, you all get to decide what song Pinkie Pie is singing. Basically, all you have to do is post a song you want along with your comment. The song that will be chosen will be the comment that has the most upvotes. So yeah, be sure to vote on the songs. Contest winners, this applies to you too. You three can still make story suggestions and I will use them though. Those rules still apply.
Suddenly, some strange, and yet incredibly familiar music comes out of nowhere (you even look around to try and find where its coming from, but can't find a damn thing) as you watch Pinkie Pie skip through the town. Then, even more suddenly, she starts to sing, and BY ALL THAT IS HOLY YOU DO KNOW THIS SONG!!!
"We can dance if we want to, We can leave your friends behind."
She begins to sing.
You will then proceed to have a duet with Pinkie Pie because... FOR GREAT JUSTICE! Also it just fits this beautiful day don't ya think?
Action: Wonder how the hell Pinkie is singing human music... On second thought, don't wonder, it'll hurt your brain. You kind of need that right now.
Also, you have the indisputable, unfightable urge to join in with Pinkie's Song! ONE OF THEM ONE OF THEM ONE OF THEM...
Sing or die. Choose wisely. Also, record this event with your pocket book and that crayon you found from CMC's clubhouse. Pencils are over rated.
Have her singing Safety Dance! You join in on the singing and dancing as a group of ponies do the same, apparently you are helpless to do so. You have no idea why Pinkie has this power, but it doesn't matter it's fun
What you must do however is sing with her! And dance with her! Sing and dance with her dangit! Embrace the Pinkie! And then go eat, before taking a break, relaxing... and then going to meet the crazy female unicorn who has been chasing you all over and trying to rape you since you got there.
Hug a pony.
You stand for a moment wondering how the hell this pink pony can possibly know human music, but then again, this is the same pony who pulled a canon out of nowhere in the middle of the forest, somehow knew about the existence of the dinosaur, pulled out a door frame for you to walk through when you did it, and now have her ghost... thing... whatever. Following you around for seemingly no reason. So to spare your brain the pain of trying to figure all this out (even though the brain itself doesn't feel pain), you just let it go.
Then suddenly, you are hit by it. You have absolutely no idea what it even is, but you are hit by it. You look down at Bon Bon, who just looks back up at you. Then you look at Lyra, who is smirking at you. She can see it. She knows it. You decide not to question it either, and without even thinking, you start running right for the pink pony. That's right. You run. You run right for her as fast as you can.
Right as you reach her, you throw your arms around her and pull her in a big hug.
"Cause your friends don't dance, And if they don't dance, Well they're no friends of mine."
You then sing for no reason as Pinkie Pie returns your hug.
Then, while still hugging you, she points her hoof forward really badly, indicating you must go.
"I say, we can go where we want to, A place where they'll never find."
She continues singing as you let her out of the hug.
"And we can act like we come from out of this world, Leave the real one far behind."
The two of you then sing together as you pull her face into yours and scream the into it, she does the same to you. The two of you then start walking forward and Pinkie Pie keeps skipping in the way she usually does.
"We can dance."
You say as you notice Lyra and Bon Bon following behind you.
"Come see!"
Rainbow Dash says as she suddenly flies down right next to you. She then lands on the ground, grabs Pinkie Pie by her front hooves, and then the two of them start dancing in a circle with each other while still moving forward.
I don't care, as long as long as my OC (Twister) plays the piano.
Then suddenly, out in front of one of the buildings, you see a red unicorn with a blue mane and tail playing a piano. So that's where the song is coming from. Actually, the second that thought enters your head you take a moment to think. There are other instruments being played beside the piano, so where the hell are those coming from? This guy is obviously playing the piano but... ah fuck it. JUST KEEP SINGING!!!
"We can go where we want to, The night is young and so am I."
You sing as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie stop dancing with each other and Pinkie Pie just skips forward. Rainbow Dash hangs in the air right next to you. You wave to Pinkie Pie as she skips forward. She responds by smiling like she's whacked out of her mind and hopping in place as she moves. You don't even want to comprehend the physics of that.
"And we can dress real neat, From our hands to our feet, And surprise'em with a victory cry."
You sing as you watch Rainbow Dash do a flip in mid air right next to you.
"I say, we can act if we want to, If we don't nobody will."
You, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Lyra and Bon Bon all sing together as you keep walking forward, well Rainbow is flying and Pinkie is hopping, but semantics. You just keep walking forward and wave to all the ponies you see. All of whom wave back and smile.
You're starting to wonder if you took LSD somehow while you were walking around. Unlikely, but it would explain why you are doing all of this.
"And you can act real rude, And totally removed, And I can act like an imbecile."
Suddenly a dog starts following all of you. It looks surprisingly like Applejack's dog Winona. At least, you think its her, you could be wrong.
"I say, we can dance, we can dance, Everything is out of control."
You all keep singing as you reach a fence that you are sure wasn't there before. You've been through this area before, you're pretty sure of it. You all then look back and notice the entire town following you.
"We can dance, we can dance, We're doing it from wall to wall."
Yeah, the LSD doesn't sound to unbelievable now. Then again, you are in a world of magical talking ponies.
"We can dance, we can dance, Everybody look at your hands."
You sing as you, Pinkie and Lyra do a really bad interpretive dance.
"We can dance, we can dance, Everybody's taking the chance."
You all sing as you dance in place.
"Safety dance,"
You sing as you make a giant S with your arms.
"We'll safety dance,"
Now another S.
"Yes, the safety dance."
Pinkie Pie, Lyra, Rainbow Dash, and Bon Bon all join in. That spells SSSSS.
Now the entire town is following you as you all walk through the town right towards town square. The fence seemingly forgotten, like it was never even there to begin with. They are all making the giant S's as well.
As you reach the town square, things are just getting weirder. Suddenly there is a renaissance fair set up. You are definitely sure that wasn't there before. On the plus side, you see more ponies playing instruments, including the red unicorn playing the piano from before. So now you at least know where the music is coming from.... or do you?
"We can dance if we want to, We've got all your life and mine."
You and Pinkie Pie then suddenly hug each other again as you both keep singing.
"As long as we abuse it, Never gonna lose it, Everything will work out right."
You both scream that last line into each other's faces again as you let go of each other and dance around the little fair. You then notice some ponies wearing chicken masks. You kind of want to know what their deal is. Along with the deal of that stupid pole in the middle of the fair.
"I say, We can dance if we want to, We can leave your friends behind."
You and Pinkie keep singing as she dances around you. You kind of want to find whoever came up with this and tear him a new cornhole. For some reason.
"Cause your friends don't dance, And if they don't dance, Well they're no friends of mine."
Oh no. It's getting worse. A medieval puppet show. No seriously, now there is a medieval puppet show going on.
"I say, we can dance, we can dance, Everything is out of control."
You then watch Berry Punch and Minuette, who seem to have come out of nowhere, make two more giant S's.
"We can dance, we can dance, We're doing it from wall to wall."
Maybe if you clap your hands. All of this will go away.....
It doesn't work.
"We can dance, we can dance, Everybody look at your hands."
You then watch as Minuette smacks Berry Punch on her ass, who in turn spins around, jump tackles Minuette to the ground, and then starts shoving her tongue down her throat. Between the two of them, Lyra and Bon Bon, and now Vinyl and Octavia, you're starting to wonder just how many lesbian couples live in this town... Not that that's a bad thing in any way. It means more ponies who aren't likely to jump you in the event of another incident.
"We can dance, we can dance Everybody's taking the chance."
You sing as you just now decide to not care about anything anymore. Its only making your brain hurt. You turn your back, then again, jump up and down and do more bad interpretive dances.
"Safety dance,"
You sing as Pinkie Pie comes back and starts hopping around you.
What the heck?! What are you what are you doing to my keyboa
BreAK YoUR armS HuMan. NoW.
"What the fuck just happened?" You ask no one in particular as you take another bite out of your scone. Then suddenly, you feel yourself grab your arms aS I coMMAnD yOu T-
"What the fuck just happened!?" You ask no one in particular as you take another bite out of your cupcake.
"Oh, that was just one of Pinkie Pie's random mane street musicals," Lyra replies as she downs another cupcake whole. "We don't really question them, we just join in when we can and have some fun."
"Really," you say, now kind of curious. You still want to know what was up with a lot of that. "Does this sort of thing happen often?"
"More often than you think," Bon Bon says as she nibbles on her cupcake. You think about that for a moment. After about a moment, you decide to log it in your new pocketbook. You just scribble a few quick notes in there about this for later. You have a feeling that this isn't gonna be the last time you hear of this. Or get involved in one.
Gotta agree, this song would be awesome in the extreme!!
Also, musical or not, I have a few steps that play into my last suggestion.
1.) Enter Sugarcube Corner as the music begins, Jason actually recognizing and loving this song.
2.) As Pinky begins the lines, Jason chimes in at, "I said, You're such a sweet young thing, why you do this to yourself?" Grinning as they both go in for the chorus.
3.) The song continues, with Jason and Pinky moving over the floor of the Bakery, doing odd imitations from the song with pastries. IE: Pinky using a long glazed doughnut as a knife, and Jason with a cream-filled croissant being his wallet.
4.) As the song ends he asks how Pinky knows that song, and she responds, "Silly billy, I know that song because I hear it on the radio!" Bon-Bon asks which station, and Pinky rattles off an earth station, while Lyra corrects with it's pony-fied name. Pinky replying, "That's what I said, right?"
5.) After the fun, they all order and get some food. Jason, in addition, to his order, gets from Pinky, "A Super-Dooper-Ultra-Special-Once-In-A-Lifetime-Mega-Mecha-Mugguffin Magic Muffin!! I don't know what it'll do, but it's sure as Sugar delicious! Made one for Derpy one time, she got her mailmare job afterwards and has never missed a delivery to date afterwards!"
6.) Jason will answer, "Because of the thing's...magic?"
7.) "NO silly! It's because it tasted so good, she was at her happiest when she applied, and has stayed her happiest since, so she does the best job ever, DUH!" Jason will look at the muffin , before shrugging and putting it in his back pocket.
(Note, the Muffin, SHALL NOT GET SQUISHED!! It will remain in perfect condition and freshness for however long it is in there.)
That's all I got for now, best of luck to ya!!
"Yeah, but you know," Lyra says as she takes a bite out of another cupcake. "I'm not really complaining. Sometimes it just feels good to break out into song for no reason. Isn't that right Pinkie?" At that, you look up for a moment, expecting her to be there, but she isn't.
"YEP!" Pinkie Pie suddenly says as she suddenly appears in between you and Lyra, pushing Lyra to the side so she can sit next to you. She then looks up at you. "So did you like my musical? Did you did you did you!?" She asks while batting her eyelashes at you.
"Um... yeah," you respond. The more you see this pony the more she confuses you. You have no idea why she has this power or powers like it, but you're not about to try and figure them out. You're just glad she's on your side. At least, you think she is... you hope she is. "Actually, I'm more curious how you know that song?" you then ask her. At that, Pinkie Pie just giggles.
"Silly billy," she says to you. "I know that song because I heard it on the radio."
"What station?" Bon Bon asks before you can say anything else. Much to your surprise, Pinkie Pie actually names an earth station. Lyra however, tries to correct her by naming the same station, but with a pony pun in it. God there are a lot of those here.
"That's what I said right?" Pinkie Pie replies, confused.
"Yeah, I guess," Lyra says, looking just as confused as you are. You decide not to get into this as you take another bite out of another cupcake.
"So, do you like your cupcakes, Jason?" Pinkie suddenly turns back to you and asks.
"Yes," you reply to her. "They are very good." You then watch Pinkie Pie make what you can only guess is a fangirl squeal, but then she suddenly interrupts it with a gasp.
"GASP!!!" She explains. "I almost forgot!" she further explains before she ducks back under the table. You, Lyra and Bon Bon all look under the table where she went, but she's nowhere to be seen. "Here you go Jason!" Pinkie Pie suddenly returns, in front of the table you are all sitting at. She then places another cupcake on the table. It looks pretty much like a regular cupcake, with purple frosting, yellow sprinkles, and a single candle in it.
"What's this?" You ask as you pick it up and bring it close.
"DON'T EAT IT!!!" Pinkie Pie suddenly explains as she grabs it from your hand and puts it back on the table. "This is a special cupcake I made for when you see Twilight tonight." Pinkie then explains. "You cannot eat this cupcake at all unless one very wery specific thing happens." Pinkie continues. You just remain silent, motioning her to continue. "You can only eat this cupcake if things go bad when you meet Twilight. Like if she gets all CRAZY," as she says that, you watch her eyes spin around like wheels. It looks kind of dizzy. "Then that's when you eat it. It's a special, emergency, super, duper, oh Celestia I am going to get raped by Twilight please help me cupcake!" She finally finishes... you think. "So please don't eat it." She says with a smile. "Not yet."
"All right," you reply to her as you take the cupcake and look at it again. You really have absolutely no idea how this cupcake can possibly help you. Then again, it was made by the pony who could start musicals on command, so you're not about to complain. You figure that when the time comes it will do what it has to. Otherwise, all will go well and you don't have to eat it. "Thank you, Pinkie." You say to her.
"Oh no worry, Jurry," she replies. You think she just tried to combine your name with 'worry' somehow and failed, but you decide not to say anything. "Just don't eat it unless Twilight goes crazy again."
"All right," you say to her. "I won't."
"Good," Pinkie Pie says before she suddenly zips away back to parts unknown. You, Lyra and Bon Bon all just look each other for a moment. They both appear to be just as confused as you are. Well, since they have nothing else to say, the three of you just return to eating your complementary human cupcakes. Except for the emergency one though. You're not gonna eat that one.
Sorry; but the music department is where I've failed at so... Yea I've got nothing. Oh while I was watching an old episode from doctor who I've thought of a silly refrence that will help kill that time turner is the doctor(or become him): mention that Time Turner haves a fob watch that looks like the doctor(and follow me on this one) he state that's its broken and never open it: you can do three things with this: A) Open it and puff Time Lord (Most unlikely choice here that I know you wouldn't chose. Heck I consider not putting this choice up but it is required) B) Open it and it really is a broken fob watch(most likely choice you would chose by the way add suspense when doing either choice A or B) C) keep it closed and save it for later(...just for a third option for convince for later chapters. if the commenters get to hepatic asking you to open it and you don't want him in just choose B) Sorry there was a lack of references in my comments that weren't good now for my suggestion........... Shot I've got nothing uh plot device? I've got it the leader of the rising something(can't remember sorry) tries to rape Jason(it's a she right if not then he will assume that Jason is a girl and still rape him!)
After about thirty minutes, the three of you are set to leave. Right as you walk through the door however, you run right into Time Turner, who was just walking in along with Derpy.
"Oh, I am terribly sorry," Time Turner quickly says to you, rubbing his face.
"No, its all right," you reply. "I didn't see you there, so it's my fault."
"No no," Time Turner says in response. "I wasn't looking where I was going, I..." Right before he can say another word though, you look down at the ground and notice he dropped something.
"Oh, hey," you say as you bend down and pick it up. Hey, these ponies were polite to you, its only fair that you do the same. "You dropped your..." you say as you hand it to him, but then stop for a moment and look at it, it looks familiar.
"Oh, that," Time Turner says. "That's just a broken fob watch. I just keep it with me for good luck." You would respond to that, but something is keeping your attention on the watch. Something about it...
You think nothing of it though and give it back to him.
"Thank you," Time Turner says as he takes it and puts it back in his pocket. "And again, I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it," you say to him. "I'm sorry too." You then look over and notice Derpy next to him. In all that you almost forgot he was there. "Hi Derpy." You say to her.
"Hi Jason," she says to you in her adorable voice.
After that little encounter, you, Lyra, and Bon Bon all make your way home.
-A short walk home later-
After a short walk, you three finally get back home. After you kick off your shoes and plop down on the couch with the three of them, Lyra speaks to you.
"Well, we still got a couple hours before you're supposed to meet Twilight for dinner," Lyra says.
"What should we do?" you ask her.
"Well we could always, you know," Lyra says as she brings a hoof to her mouth and inhales a bit. You get what she is going for. You then notice Bon Bon smirk at the idea. Once again you are left with a choice. Do you want to do this now, or do you just want to simply wait until its time to meet Twilight.
Well, as I'm sure some of you know, part of the prize for winning the recent fanart contest was that I would advertise and promote the work of the winner, and that is what I am doing now.
Ladies, gentlemen, mentlegen, bronies, and pegasisters, I present to you. The incredibly awesome artwork of Blazewings thunder.
For starters. Look at this picture.
Look at this f***ing beautiful picture. Have you seen a picture as good looking or as awesome as this. I don't think you have. If you say you have, then you are wrong. The answer is you haven't.
Look at it.
By Celestia and Luna just look at it.
Look at how awesome and adorable it is.
Yes, look at it.
Also check this out this comic she did. Dubbed by ME!!!
So yeah, congratulations to Blazwewings thunder for winning the first ever Wake up. See this. What do? fanart contest. And before we forget, this is the picture that let her win that contest. Check it out its awesomeness.
Toking before your meeting with Twilight is a BAD idea...
... Ask yourself one question... Do you REALLY want to be HIGH when talking to the pony who tried to rape you? Who has uber-magic? Who you can't even feel safe being in the same room with without her friends, your friends, a baby dragon, and a combat knife? Say no to the weed, and be ready for anything when you meet her. You can melt your brain with marijuana, or the pony equivalent, AFTER you get the stressful meeting out of the way.
As awesome as it sounds unwinding with some weed, you think it won't be beneficial if you aren't 100% when you talk to twilight. Tell your friends that you'll decline for the moment but promise that you'll smoke some with them after you're done with the "Twilight Meeting". But for now, ask them if they have any books concerning unicorn anatomy or......wait, I got it. Twilight Sparkle was insane sure, but maybe its possible she has relatives? Ask your friends if she has any and if so, if you can arrange a meeting maybe after all this business with her has blown over; it'd be wise to ask her relatives if they know anything that can bring Twilight back to her chipper studious self. Maybe grab some apples or some food, bring up some banter about inane things, and just go over EVERY single little detail that's happened while you were here; maybe you can glean something useful from all of it that will help you
Yeah I'm just going to second this idea and suggest that a more productive use of time might be to try learning a bit more about the world you're in, after all you've only really been around Ponyville and there's a good chance it's not a typical town.
Response: As tempting as it is, I would like to be fully here when I go confront the Purple Menace. After we meet up with them, we can. As a way to celebrate if everything goes smoothly.
Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT get high before you see the evil purple rapist! Being high could cause more problems than its worth. get coffee instead.
AVOID GETTING HIGH!!! You are about to go into a room with the mare who tried to RAPE YOU. Getting high impairs judgment and reduces hand/eye coordination. Basically, get high and you get fucked. Even though you might enjoy it, she is still rapist.
Yeah... would you trust yourself if you were drugged and in the same room as a pony that wants to mate with you? I don't think so.
Say no to the weed, You must first survive the talk with Twilight. After that is done, then get high to reward yourself.
You decide to not take any drugs or alcohol until after your talk with Twilight. You will need to be in your best state of mind while in the same room with her.
Here's the plan: Do NOT get high. What if Twilight tries to rape you? Then, unless the ponies intervene, you're screwed!
Anyways, No getting high. It would be inefficient and counterproductive with the meeting with Twilight. Once there, learn why the buck she needs a centaur, then proceed to cheer her up, or whatever.
While Lyra's offer does sound tempting, and believe you it is given all the stress you've been under when it comes to that insane purple crazy pony (though you've been calming down a lot as of late with Applejack being nice to you, Pinkie Pie's party, and everything that happened today was fun), you don't even need a second to think through why this ia a bad idea.
"Yeah, sorry Lyra," you say as you look over at Lyra. "But I'm gonna have to pass on that one." It really doesn't take any willpower at all for you to say that. "I kind of want to be in my best state of mind when I meet her, so yeah. Maybe afterwards once we get out of it, but not right now. I'm sorry, its just that I really don't want to be high when I meet her. I have enough problems when it comes to her." That is the truth. After all, you don't feel completely safe even with her magic horn blocker thing on, all her and your friends around, and your knife with you. You don't need to add being high to that list of complications. Sure, you have Pinkie Pie's cupcake (you kind of want to know what the deal with that is), but you would prefer not to use it.
Lyra just looks back at you with a slightly disappointed look on her face. You then watch her slowly look towards the ground. You're just about to say that you're sorry about that when suddenly.
"Congratulations! You pass the test!" Lyra shouts as she throws her hooves up into the air and puts a smile on her face (which looks kind of like this). Okay, now you are just confused.
"What test?" you ask her.
"The power and responsibility test," Lyra replies. "You resisted the temptations of getting high when you knew that you shouldn't, thus proving that you ARE responsible and are making good choices!" She then starts clapping her hooves together. "Bravo, Jason... Bravo." That... did absolutely nothing to alleviate your confusion.
You look over at Bon Bon, hoping she will have something, but she looks just as confused as you do. The both of you then look back at Lyra.
"Lyra," you begin to say. "You made all of that up just now didn't you?" At that, Lyra suddenly starts laughing nervously and rubbing the back of her head with a hoof. You and Bon Bon however, are not laughing.
"Yeah," she replies after a few moments of laughing. "Yeah I kind of did."
At that, you try to hold it back, and fail miserably. You start laughing, as does Bon Bon. Lyra then starts laughing with you guys, and soon enough, there is enough laughter to fill the void of the room. You even start to hear Ghost Pinkie Pie laughing for seemingly no reason.
Yeah, everything seems better now, and you're not sure why.
Don't get high. Ya the meeting is a few hours away, but remember this stuff is way more powerful than the stuff back home, and you really don't feel like seeing Snake or the Hind right now. So why don't you pass the time telling Lyra and Bon Bon more about your world, in fact why not tell them about your favorite Movies, TV Shows and Video Games (Insert Whatever You Like Razor). Lyra and Bon Bon could potentially make money off your stories by presenting them as their own and that would be the biggest reward you could ever give them
Well its quite obvious isn't it? BAKE SOME MUTHAFUCKIN COOKIES! Or don't get high... whichever one that will help you have a clear mind the most before you enter the lair of the purple beast.
Instead, the three of you pass the time doing other, and Bon Bon's opinion, more productive, things. She even volunteers to bake some cookies for all of you, which you do not object to. Cookies do seem like a good idea. Hell, Cookies are ALWAYS a good idea.
In the meantime, you pass tie them by telling Lyra and Bon Bon stories about your world, including some of your favorite movies, TV shows, and of course, video games, and basically what constitues as fiction for you guys.
Lyra in particular likes hearing about the works of J.R.R. Tolkein and C.S. Lewis, since apparently Middle Earth and Narnia have a lot in common with Equestria.
"So what you're saying is," Lyra said. "That worlds like Equestria are considered fantasy to you guys?"
"Yeah," you reply. "I mean, granted from what I've seen of magic, its not even close to what Gandalf could do, but still..."
"Oh, you should read some of the counts of Starswirl the Bearded." Lyra says to you. "I bet he could kick your Gandalf's flanks any day."
"Yeah, we'll see," is all you say back.
"So, are there any other stories like those?" Lyra asks you as she leans in closer to you and smiles like she's pleading for more, which she is. You take a moment to think about that for a moment. There are a lot of stories like that, but which ones are worth telling her.
Things with Twilight Sparkle will, understandably, be tense. It is therefore a wise idea to do something fun and relaxing with her at some point during your visit. After talking with her, ask about her history. Inevitably this will lead to the two of you sleeping adorably in a book fort together in an entirely non sexual manner. The next morning pick out a plot-relevant book from the fort, accidentally destroying it. Also send imaginary Pinkie to beat up the author for loopholeing around the winner's suggestions.
As much as you would love a toke, you decide not to go for it. Instead, you feel the need to meditate on your evening with Twilight... despite never feeling any desire at all to sit and think about her prior. She is liable to be pretty shook up over what she did, and possibly willing to try again out of desperation, so it might be good to get Lyra to cast any wards she can recall on you before the date... erk, meeting. Even if she can still dispel them at the drop of a hat, at least you know you at least tried to protect yourself. As for the actual conversation, you ponder it quite a bit, ranging from acting out scenarios she might do to considering reactions she would have... And then your brain starts hurting and you chase after Lyra for that toke.
After some more talk of your world's fiction, getting into some of the sci-fi stuff this time, and eating some of Bon Bon's cookies (BY GOD, THEY WERE AWESOME!!!), Bon Bon calls away Lyra upstairs. They've been gone for quite a while, though you do hear some whispers of their voices upstairs. They seem to be talking about your meeting with Twilight tonight, and both are understandably nervous about it. You don't suppose you can really blame them for that though. You are their friend after all.
Since you have some time to yourself, you take a moment to close your eyes and gather your thoughts about what is to come.
You imagine yourself and Twilight sitting at opposite ends of a table. She looks shaken up over everything she did, which you're not surprised at, but she's not trying anything. She doesn't even look at you, though things still seem tense.
You then make the first move and start talking. It doesn't do much at first, but things go well. You ask her about a bunch of things, including her history, and the two of you seem to get along just fine.
Eventually, this ends up with the two of you asleep in a book fort that she made using her magic in a completely platonic and entirely non sexual manner. You're not sure why, but this makes you feel better. You feel calm, relaxed, like nothing can hurt you.
"Jason," you then hear Bon Bon's voice say as you open your eyes back up again to find yourself back on Lyra and Bon Bon's couch. Both of them are standing in front of you, looking kind of nervous. You just look back at them. "It's almost time." Bon Bon then says. "Are you..." she then begins to say. "Are you sure you want to go through with this?" You think about that for a moment, but then you look back at her. You then let a comforting smile form across your face as you stand back up.
"Yeah," you say to her. "Yeah, I'm sure." In truth, you are. You have protection, friends, and your knife. You feel like you can take on the world.
"All right," Lyra then says. "Well I suppose we should get going then." At that, you then look at the clock, your dinner date is thirty minutes away. You guess its about time you headed off.
After a short walk, the three of you find yourself headed towards a giant tree in the middle of town. You're not entirely sure why you never noticed that before. Lyra explains that that's the town library, and that Twilight lives there. From what little you've gathered on Twilight's personality, it seems like the perfect home for her. For some reason, Bon Bon brought a basket of cookies with her. You suppose its for her, Lyra, and possibly the others while they stand guard. You also have Pinkie Pie's cupcake in a little box, which you're carrying with you.
As you get closer, you notice Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all waiting outside the house for you. The moment they all see you, then run up to you.
"Jason!" Rarity says as she gets to you first. "Are you sure you want to do this? I mean she did-"
"Yeah," you say to her before she can finish her sentence. "Yeah, I'm sure, Rarity." You give her the most comforting smile you can. "I thought about it a lot, and this is what I want to do. If nothing else, it will at least give some closure to this whole thing." Rarity just stares at you for a few moments, but then speaks again.
"Well, I suppose so," she then says as she looks at the ground away from you.
"Don't worry, Jason," Rainbow Dash says as she flies right up to you. "If she tries anything, we'll save your flank before you can say 'thank you Rainbow Dash,'"
Make a cookie cannon for self defense some thing that uses compressed air or magic to launch those amazing edible discs at high valocity
"Yeah, you can count on us," Pinkie Pie then said. "Cause we are locked and loaded." Out of nowhere, presumably out of hammerspace, she then pulls out what looks like a giant, pink, disk launcher. At least you think its a disk launcher, since the barrel is kind of flat. It also has a lot of unneeded decorations on it like glitter and her cutie mark painted on it.
Pretty much every pony is just as confused as you are at this.
"Um, Pinkie Pie," Lyra then says. "What is that?"
"Oh this?" Pinkie Pie replies. "This is my super dooper work in progress cookie cannon!" She says as she takes out a rag and starts rubbing it. "It shoots out amazing edible cookies at such a high velocity that you don't even have time to chew!" You're kind of weird out by this, and so does everybody else. "Oh, you brought ammo. Thanks, Bon Bon!" Pinkie then says as she zips over and takes the basket from Bon Bon's mouth.
You all look at each other for a moment and just silently agree to forget about that thing completely.
"Um... hi Jason," you then look behind the others to notice Fluttershy.
"Hi Fluttershy," you repsond to her. She just responds by smiling and letting out a "squee" noise. You also think you can see a hint of a blush on her face behind her long mane.
But yeah, after some more brief discussion, and another assurance of you being fine from Applejack, who promises to buck Twilight's skull into infinity (which you don't doubt given what you've seen her do to the trees), you all make your way inside.
The inside of the library was... pretty much exactly how you expected it. It was a hollowed out tree that was a library. No surprise there. What was kind of a surprise however, was that Spike had set up a table in the middle of the room with plates, silverware, and even candles set up. So this was going to be a candle lit dinner apparently. You weren't about to complain about that though.
"Oh, you're here," Spike said as he turned to look at you all. He then walked over and spoke to Rainbow Dash for a bit. "You all go into the kitchen, we can watch them from there."
"Right," Rainbow Dash said as she led all the other ponies to one of the doors to the left of where you were standing.
"Good luck, Jason," Lyra says to you one last time before she leaves. After a few moments, they were all behind the door, and you were alone with Spike.
"Thanks for doing this, really," Spike then says to you as you walk over and take a seat at the table. The table was kind of low, very low. So much so that you had to get on your knees to even sit at it. You're pretty sure this is a normal thing in Japan, but this isn't japan. Then again, these ponies are used to sitting like this, so you could be the odd one out here. Come to think of it, how many places had you been actually had chairs?
"No problem," you reply to the little dragon. "Just make sure that nothing happens to me, all right?"
"Don't worry," Spike says to you as he stops what he is doing and gives a little salute to you. "I took care of everything. You can count on me!" At that moment, you imagine the little guy screaming "FUS RO DAH!!!" at Twilight if she tries to do anything with you. Its kind of an awesome thought.
Then, Spike runs off to get the food he prepared for you and Twilight. You then take the box containing Pinkie Pie's special cupcake and slip it under the table so she won't see it. After a moment, Spike returns and serves you a plate of salad. There appear to be apples, pears, carrots, and other assortments of fruits and vegetables. You probably should have guessed it would be salad, since all these ponies are herbivores, but you're not complaining. He then places another plate of salad on the other end of the table and places a few more things on it, one of which was a bottle of vinaigrette.
"Okay, I'm gonna get Twilight now, so..." he hesitates for a moment.
"It's all right. Bring her down," you say to him before he can say anything else. He looks at you for a moment as if he is second guessing all this, but since he has your approval now.
"All right," he says, and with that, he hurries upstairs. You sit and wait patiently for him. Though nothing really happens for quite some time. After about five minutes or so, you finally hear something from upstairs. "Come on Twilight," you hear him say as you look up at the top of the stairs, at least where you can see, and finally see her. You see Twilight Sparkle, the insane purple unicorn. The one who caused you so much grief, and if you say so yourself, so much pain. Instinctively, your right hand goes to your knife just in case she tries to make a move for you. The more you look at her however, the more you notice, she looks slightly... okay slightly is too kind, very, different from how you've seen her before.
She's not wearing that strange, skintight black suit she was before, and her sword is gone (thankfully), leaving her just as naked as the other ponies. Also thankfully you notice that she is wearing that anti-magic horn thing. That's not what you notice though. She looks kind of thin, thinner than you've seen her before. If you had to guess, you would say that she hasn't eaten anything in a while. You also notice heavy bags under her eyes from an obvious lack of sleep. She keeps looking towards the ground, as she barely seems to lift her neck and her eyes. Also, she seems barely able to walk, in fact the only reason she is walking at all is because Spike seems to be pushing her, and in one instance, even lifting one of her legs for her.
"It's okay Twilight, let's go downstairs. The human is waiting for you," you hear Spike say to her in the most comforting way he can, but she seems to ignore it. This doesn't appear at all to be the same monster rapist that tried to make with you and produce a centaur for whatever reason, she appears well, for lack of a better term at the moment, almost dead. Like she's doesn't care anymore. Still, you don't let your hand off of your knife. Not now, she's tricked you before.
Eventually, Spike leads her down to the bottom of the stairs and sits her down on the table across from you. He actually has to manually sit her down, she won't even move herself to do that. You're kind of amazed at this. You also notice she keeps her gaze down at her plate, though you're sure she's not actually staring at her food. Now that you actually see her up close, she actually looks worse than she did at the top of the stairs. She is definitely thinner, and you can also see some red in her eyes as well as the obvious bags. Also her mane looks messed up, as if it hasn't been combed in a while.
Slowly, you let go of your knife and bring your hand back up onto the table.
"If you two need anything, let me know," Spike then says before he heads off to the kitchen. "Good luck man," he says to you quietly before he gets behind the door where the other ponies are waiting for him.
Its just you and Twilight Sparkle now. You're all alone... with her... the one who tried to rape you.
Several moments pass and you don't touch your food, neither does she. Though she doesn't appear to be moving at all. You think you see her blink once, but that's it. Since she's not doing anything, you decide to be the one to start this.
"Hi," you say to her as you pick up a fork and start on the salad. "How..." you're really not sure at all what to say to her. What do you say to someone who tried to do what she did to you? "How are you doing?" you ask as you take a bite of the salad. Okay, worst possible question for a person like this. On the plus side though, the salad is delicious. Really delicious.
Twilight doesn't even touch her food, and she still doesn't move. She still doesn't even look at you.
As you finish your first bite of salad, you realize that you have no idea what to say or even do right now. What do you even say to Twilight Sparkle now that you are alone with her? What do you say to her now that she is like this?
What do you do?
"HOW DARE YOU, RAZOR!!!"
Huh....
"HOW DARE YOU!!!"
Pinkie?
"HOW DARE YOU LOOP AROUND MASTERWEAVER'S COMMENT LIKE THAT! I SHOULD BEAT YOU UP FOR THIS!!!"
Okay, 1.) You know you can't actually beat me up right, and 2.) What are you talking about?
"You promised that you would use Masterweaver's comments no matter what they were since he won the contest!"
And I am. I'm using them. Hell, I used one in this chapter, and it helped Jason with being able to calm down enough to face Twilight. If anything, I'd say his comment helped contribute to this chapter more than some of the others.
"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!! You looped around his comment in the last chapter and avoided using it!!!"
That wasn't a loop, it was-
ESTABLISHING CONNECTION....
CONNECTION ESTABLISHED_WARNING WEAK!!!
RELAYING FEED
A͢c͏tual̢ly tha̛t͜ ̨w̷aş ͜m̛y ̵fault. ̶
I̢'̸m sorr͏y͏,͡ ͟it̀s͟ ̴j͡ust̵ th́at҉ I do n̡o͜t t͞a̴ke ̴ki͞n͢dl̕y ̷to̵ ̢o̧t͠h͘er̛ peo̷p͢ĺe haćk͡in͘g th͜is ̸cha̴nnèl͘.̶ ͡
"YOU ARE THE WRITER!!! YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE LET HIM DO THAT!!!"
Look, I'm sorry okay. I should not have doen that. I will still keep using Masterweaver's comments when he wants me to, and I will try to keep this from happening again. I'm sorry.
"That's better, Razor."
Thank you Pinkie.
"Oh not problem Razor Bazer. It's what I do. *giggle*"
No. You must continue with this story. We must push the chapters OVER 9000!!!!!!!! Or at least push a hundred.
Also:
Awkward moment alert! We need more small talk!
I'ma givin' 'er all we've got, cap'n, if I give her any more she'll blow!
Damnit that's an order! We need to do something!
Captain, is it not illogical to attempt to help one who has harmed us.
SHUT UP ALL OF YOU, NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO HEAR VOICES IN YOUR HEAD! Even if the enterprise crew is in there, I need to help her. For some reason. I hate seeing people like this. And since when did I use the first person? No matter. I will change to second person again. Anyway, I need to say something.
"So, how about that weather?"
"I'm givin' 'er all we've got, cap'n!!!" Scotty shouted into the coms as he ran through the engine room. "If I give 'er anymore she'll blow!"
"Dammit that's an order!!!" Kirk shouted back into the com at him. "We need to do something!"
"Captain," Spock said as he walked over to Captain Kirk from whatever he was doing. "Is it not illogical to attempt to help one who has harmed us?"
Channel your inner Sherlock Holmes and investigate the room and Twilight.Check for traps too.
There is a ringing in the back of your mind and you suddenly feel something in there "ding". What was that? And why do you feel like you know what to do? Deciding to not waste your brain cells, you focused your attention to Twilight.
Hidden Passive: Due to the similarities of your two channeled fictional characters, Batman and The Doctor, you subconsciously gain a certain trait and an understanding of their morality depending on the situation. You can feel a piece of their souls after all. But ONLY a grain-of-sand piece that's still growing.
Interrogation: With the detective skill's of crime-fighter and the Godly knowledge of a Timelord, you can see what makes one tick and mention subjects to unlock more interactions.
Sinner's Empathy: Thanks to Batman's unstable mental condition and The Doctor's moments of anger and sorrow, they made many regrettable choices. So, you can pretty much understand Twilight's pain.
While you are no longer channeling Sherlock Holmes, the two characters you are channeling (Batman and The Doctor) do both allow you a keen sense of observation. Since Batman is basically a modern version of Sherlock Holmes (think about it, he is), he should be able to allow you to search the room just as effectively as Sherlock.
Also, thanks to the similarities between the two characters, some other additional abilities are unlocked that could be of use here. Interrogation allows you to combine Batman's detective skills and The Doctor's time lord knowledge to see what makes a person (or pony in this case) tick and allow for best interactions. Sinners Empathy comes from the fact that both Batman and The Doctor have made regrettable choices in their lives (The Doctor killing his entire race for one thing), and finally, your hidden passive ability allows you to gain a sense of morality depending on the situation.
With these skills, you decide to first investigate the room you are in.
You quickly look around the room and check for traps or anything else that could be used against you. You don't find anything at like that, and in Twilight's current state, you don't really think she could have put any here even if she wanted to. Right now she looks like she couldn't even catch a snail much less you. Plus, you kind of doubt Spike would go through all the effort to do that right now, and even if he did, you've got Lyra, Bon Bon, and all of Twilight's friends in the next room over, and since they all saved your ass, you don't think they're about to double cross you. If they wanted to let Twilight have her way with you, then they would have let her in the forest, and if Spike wanted to he would have done the same thing, or if he REALLY wanted to do it now, he wouldn't have allowed all of them to come over. Your inner Doctor Who makes you a good judge of character. So you don't find any traps and the likelihood of there being any as far as you can assume, is very minimal.
(also, do you all really want this guy interacting with Twilight Sparkle right now?)
Fidget awkwardly then talk about SCIENCE!
Attempt to get twilight to talk, at the very least eat, if all else fails for 30 minutes, contact spike to contact the princess, see if that gets a reaction
Ok first off do a charisma level check. You are going to need a lot of it to get Twilight out of this slump. Next proceed to talk to Twilight into eating something or at the very least begin talking a little. If that doesn't work after about the first ten minutes walk across over to her and cup her chin in your hands and stare into her eyes and proceed talking to her in this way. Gently mind you. And if this doesn't work tell her "I know you are a good being deep down Twilight, I really do. Just tell me why you... needed to have sex with me in the first place. We both need to move past this whole debacle. Some closure if you will."
... The Twilight who sits before you now is not the same monster that tried to rape you... And from the look of things, she's punished herself for more than you could have managed. If you had to guess, guilt is ripping her apart from the inside, so... ... What she did wasn't okay, but... ... Try not to be accusational when speaking to her. It looks like it'll take a good amount of work to get her to open up enough to answer even the most basic questions... A good one to start with might be, why did you think that the fate of all Equestria hinged on me knocking you up to make a centaur?
Well, here you are. Sitting in front of the mare that tried to rape you... Where to start and what to say? 1.) look up, put on you're best smile, and start small talk. At least try to look like you forgive her. she seems like she's in a lot of pain right now...
But yeah, on to Twilight herself. She's still looking down at the food in front of her (but you know she's not really looking at the food) and not saying or doing anything. You can plainly see, even without your the observational skills of Batman and The Doctor, that the Twilight Sparkle who is sitting before you, is not the same insane, out of her mind, monster that tried to rape you before. Judging by the way she looks, she's punished herself a lot more than you originally thought.
Yeah, you expected something when Spike told you that she had fallen into depression because of what happened, but you didn't expect this. If you had to guess, you'd say that the guilt she must feel for what she did is tearing her apart from the inside out. She must know that what she did wasn't okay, and it shows by the way she's punishing herself.
Its kind of pathetic to see her like this. You have to admit, you feel a little sad for her right now. Not sorry, just sad.
You know that it will take some amount of effort to get her to open up and talk about even the most basic things, much less get her to answer some of the questions you want to ask her. You figure the best way to at least start at this is to make some small talk with her before you ask any serious questions. Also you don't want to be accusational in your line of questioning (even though you wanted to initially, but things have changed since then).
You do a quick charisma level check on yourself before you move forward. You know you'll need a lot for this. Since you've managed to get several ponies to help you run from her and held you out when you needed them (although some fell under the effect of the heat spell, but that can hardly be considered your fault), you figure that you've got enough charisma to handle this.
You do your best to put on your best smile and at least try to look like you've forgiven her before you say anything.
"So," you start as you pierce another bit of the salad with your fork before you take a bite. "How about that weather, huh?" Yeah, you know that was kind of a weak opener, but hey, you're just trying to at least get her to talk right now. Though your first attempt seems to be in vain, as Twilight completely ignores your question. She doesn't respond to you, and still doesn't even look up at you.
"Um..." you say as you attempt to think of something else to talk about. "What have you been doing today?" Still she gives no response. "Did you hear about that musical we had today?" You ask her as you push the pears in your salad off to the side. For some reason you feel a deep seeded hatred for them. You're not sure why. Still, she gives you no response. "Have you been practicing any kind of magic, or science. Oh, oh. You wanna talk about science?" Still no response, none at all. She doesn't even look up or move her eyes in the slightest. "Do you want to talk about... anything?" You ask her in one last ditch effort. Still nothing.
'Wow,' you think to yourself as you watch her ignore everything you say or do. You're kind of amazed, she really is beating herself up that bad.
Call The Watchmen!
NO! You are not about to call the Watchmen. That was a stupid video and an absolute disgrace to everything that Alan Moore tried to do in his epic graphic novel.
ok most important question
WHY DO YOU WANT A CENTAUR.
Well... this is awkward. Meh, might as well just get this over with. Ask why the f*ck this happened, and ask for a way home. It's nice and all, but you can't stay HERE! You're a HUMAN, their medications won't work on you. Besides, what about Earth? Your home? Football? For the love of Pete, YOU NEED TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES! Just... get this over with as quickly as possible. By the way, I'm sending a sudden wave of killing intent into your brain, so at the first sign of trouble... there will be blood... mwahahahaha- gahacough! Ack! Really hurts the throat nowadays!
2.) Get down to business, here's where you ask her the important questions. Why did she bring you here? what made her so worried and can she bring you back?
At the lack of any response, you let out a loud sigh.
"All right," you say to her as you put your fork down and take a moment to collect yourself. You need to think carefully about how you want to phrase this. You don't want to sound accusatory at all. "Why did you bring me here?" You ask her. You wanted to ask her about the whole Centaur thing, but right now, you think it would just be best to avoid that part of it. "Can you get me back home?" You then ask her. Now that is the question you wanted to ask, the important one. The reason you came over to begin with. She is the only one who can send you home, as far as you know at least, and now was supposed to be when you found out about that.
Instead, all you get is just her staring down at her food again. She doesn't even respond to that.
Urge her to eat something, poor mare.
Get her to eat some food, then ask her to kindly explain why the buck she wants to rape you!
OK, she officially looks like shit man, try to get her to eat at least it's almost too painful to look at her. If she don't use either the cookie cannon so she's forced to eat it or perhaps give her the cupcake Pinkie gave you. Then when she gets to looking like she's gain at least 5 pounds get to making her talk with some of that wonder weed till she's somewhat normal. That is if she's got a stash if not Fluttershy is in the kitchen.
Get Twilight to eat something, and figure out some TACTFUL way to find out her reasons for... ya know, everything. Find out why The Crawling Chaos is descending on Equestria, and let her know that you TENTATIVELY might forgive her, but that she is still on fairly thin ice. And be very, VERY careful not to push her over the edge. Not because she might snap and try to rape you again, but because her mind is still fragile, and she could very easily lose it... permanently. Personally, I suspect her insanity to be the work of the Crawling Chaos. Also, just adding more chapters to this story seems like a better idea to me. Splitting it up could get confusing.
Response: "Look! I know we have a history. But to put it bluntly, you Look terrible. Please eat something. We can talk this out. Now, you brought me here for a reason. Maybe I can help you without the need of mating? By the way, would you also know how to send me home after my adventures here in this world are done?
Try to make Twilight eat. if she doesn't eat take hold of her chin and force her to look in your eyes. then say. "Twiilight you have to eat, Your friends are worried." And after that you should smile.
Try to get Twilight to eat something. If that fails, remind her her friends are worried. If that fails, threaten to tell Princess Celestia what she did and how foalish (see what I did there?) she is acting.
(First off I just wanna say, I think I know exactly how the cupcake can be used in a situation as this, but I'll keep my mouth shut if I'm wrong.) Okay, you got yourself in this situation, and you will get out of it satisfied with the decisions made. First, start by telling her, "You aren't going to make this any easier... are you?... You know you're friends are worried about you, right? Spike told me to come over and have a talk with you, and so here I am now, at a table set for two complete with dilectable salads fit for a pony like you and a human like me... and yet we haven't taken a single bit out of it." Jason then proceeds to lift up his fork off the table and stab at his food, successfully piercing a few vegitables and fruits and such, and biting it off the fork. "Twilight? Wouldn't you like to have some? From the looks of you, it seems like you haven't eaten in days." Then, Twilight finally speaks in a somewhat low, a bit raspy voice, "W-Well, it does seem good, a-and it'd be a waste of food for me not to eat it." Then you have her in your grasp, metaphorically of course. Secondly, you ask her after a few moments of eating, "Twilight, tell me, why did you bring me here in the first place? I mean besides the fact of creating a centaur. What was you're real intentions? And secondly, why me? Was the spell at random? Or did you have some sort of choice?" And these are pretty much all the necessary steps as far as I know.
Get her to eat and drink, prefarbley by talking to her, but be prepared to force feed if nessacary. Ask her why she didn't just find a world with centaurs, like Narnia (Shame that does not exist anymore.), and get one from there. Wonder how many other mythical creatures exist here.
Okay, this is getting almost too painful to look at. She looks absolutely terrible and she won't even respond to the most basic questions. Its almost tearing you up to see her like this.
"You're not gonna make this any easier, are you?" you say to her as you pick up your fork again. You then bring it down and pierce a bit of your salad again, avoid all of the pears. Instead of eating it though, you reach across the table and hold the end of your fork in front of Twilight's face. "Here," you say to her. "Eat something. You'll feel better if you do." Still, she doesn't respond to you. She doesn't even look at it. Somehow, that tears you up even more to see her do that. "Please eat something." You say to her again as you push your fork a bit closer to her. "All of your friends are worried about you, Spike is worried about you, everyone is worried about you. So please, just eat something. You look like you haven't eaten in days."
Then, at that, you push the end of your fork up against her snout in a desperate attempt to try to get her to eat. That fails too, as she doesn't even acknowledge you poking her. She just sits there, almost unaware that you are even there.
That does it for you, you can't stand to look at her like this. The only thing that keeps you from going emotional is the fact that you still remember all to well what she tried to do to you. Anyone else... this would tear you up. Still, you aren't about to let this stand. The thought to force feed her comes to mind, but you aren't that kind of person, you're not about to do that. You sigh one more time as you bring the fork back to you and eat the bit of your salad that's on it. Once you're done, you set the fork down.
Give Twilight a hug.
Move her head around so she looks at you and stare intensely into her eyes, unblinking.
Well, it worked for Applejack, it should work for Twilight. It's hug time. Hug! Hug like you never have hugged before!
If you're going to hug, hug to the heavens! Even if it's your own grave your digging, keep going! When you break through, it means you've won! Who in the hell do you think you are?! Your Hug is the hug that creates the heavens!
Believe! Believe in the hug the believe in us, ponies, humans, and the future!
GIIIIIGAAAAA HHHHUUUGGGG BREAKEEEERRRR!
Finish Him... err... I mean Finish HER!
FAT- I mean HUGTALITY!!!!
Your idea is better than mine. But only slightly! I SAY MORE HUGS NOW!!!! HUGS FOR ALL!!!
So, twilight is all sad, she looks almost half-dead, and she hasn't even lifted her head to look at you. I think at this point, it'd be wise to switch out batman with sherlock holmes once more. Batman is essentially a fusion of solid snake and sherlock holmes, but this has one flaw: batman would take a rough, near anti-hero like approach to situations and that isn't what would be preferable right now, plus, sherlock holmes's analytical prowess and the ability to be compassionate when he needs to without using much of a brutish tactile force would be needed. (also, any words in parentheses is jason slightly mumbling/speaking in a hushed tone with this comment)
Try saying this to her: "Twilight...........we've been through much of a crazy adventure, you summoned me here for whatever reason, and chased after me and nearly scared me to death a few times. While I was liking my time back in my world, it was......lacking, in a sense. I put myself in a rut: study, work, play games, sleep; this cycle happened for so long I was contemplating moving just to get some activity in my life, but what you did to me (while it was a burden) was also......a boon to me. You brought me here, gave me the opportunity to go on adventures (even if some of it was mostly running away from you), I met applejack, bon-bon, lyra, cherilee, more of lyra's friends, rarity, fluttershy, rainbow dash, pinkie pie, Big Mac [insert Mcdonalds BigMac song here] and from forming bonds with them (even if it didn't feel as cemented as a lifelong friendship bond), I grew as a person, I grew from your interference, and despite whatever you think right now, it doesn't mean you should beat yourself up because you failed or because of whatever reason remains" Get up from your chair and slowly walk towards twilight, making sure your hand is in a prime position to pull out your knife if needed, though you doubt you'll need it. After reaching where twilight is, gently put your hand on her shoulder, and try to turn her head towards you, seeing that her eyes look like they were dried out from numerous tears "twilight, while you did cause all this, and while I did hate you at first, with everything I learned and everything I know now (mostly limited info), I can't find myself to blame you, want to hurt you, or even talk mean about you anymore, I only feel pain at seeing you like this, I feel sadness for you, I feel compassion for you, please twilight, if you seek forgiveness for your actions, then don't do it as you look now, but for me and your friends, don't feel sad anymore, it hurts us, it hurts your friends, and it hurts me the most. A person from my world once said “You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.”. Sometimes, all it takes to be on the road of forgiveness is one simple action from you or another, this is my action twilight" Bring both of your hands to gently cradle her head, making sure you don't knock her horn cover off, and put your forehead against hers [avoiding her horn of course], then whisper "twilight......I forgive you, its alright now, everything is alright, please, for all of your friends, your family, your mentors, comeback to us, please." Then in one final act, maneuver your body, and give her the most compassionate and friendly hug with any love you can put into it [non-sexual, friendship only love], and pray to whatever deity that exists in this realm that it will be enough to help her.
She needs a Hug!
Explain to Twilight that what she tried to do to you was wrong and that she really scared you for a while. However, you are willing to forgive her on two conditions: 1.) She must promise not to try and force herself on you again and 2.) she must explain why she did what she did.
Attempt to use the same magic trick that you preformed on AppleJack when you tried to cheer her up! Scratch behind her ear and when she's in total bliss from your scratching pull out a.......... Wtf is that?
Pat her on the head. Oh, and try to make her eat something. (Despite everything, you don't want her dying of starvation)
Isn't it obvious? Hug time. With your knife close by.
"Twilight," you say to her as you stand back up and begin to walk around the table towards her. As you do, you let your right hand grasp your knife, just in case, though you'll doubt you'll need it. While you do feel bad for her, that doesn't mean you're about to let your guard down just yet. You do feel a bit of a killing intent for if you need to do that though, but for the life of you know, you are hoping you don't have to. Once you reach her, you get down on your knees so that you are eye level with her. She of course doesn't acknowledge you, she's still looking down at her own food.
"I know we've both been through a lot. You brought me here, chased me around for several days, and nearly scared me half to death a couple dozen times, but," you say to her as you put your other hand on her shoulder. "To be completely honest, I think there is more to you than that. Yeah, what you did was wrong, and I think you know that. In fact, I know you know that, but you don't need to beat yourself up over it." You take another moment to let out another sigh before you continue. "Look, I'm not about to say that my life was quite fulfilling before I came here, because to tell you the truth it wasn't, and you bringing me here wasn't necessarily the best thing that happened to me, but that doesn't mean I have to stay mad at you." You say, your hand still on your knife in case you need it. "Deep down, I know you're a good pony Twilight. I really do. All your friends talk about you and say that you're one of the best ponies they know, so if they are willing to forgive you then well..." You stop right there for a moment. You stop talking and with your left hand, you gently grab her by her bottom jaw, and slowly turn her head so that she is facing you. You then push her chin up a little bit so that looking directly at you. You just stare into her eyes, which look like they've dried out from numerous tears, and she stares right back at you. She just stares back at you, unblinking.
"Twilight," you continue. "While you did cause all of this, and while I did hate you before. I can't bring myself to hate you anymore. I really don't." Yeah, you really didn't practice this speech, you're just sort of making it up at you go. "You were only doing what you thought you needed to," That is kind of incredibly difficult for you to believe, but to make her feel better, you leave that bit out. "So while I might not be able to understand why, I still can't bring myself to hate you, or want to hurt you right now." You pause for a moment to look at her. "Everyone is worried about you, and well, to be completely honest. Seeing you like this has made worry about you too. So please, don't hate yourself for this, don't feel sad anymore. You don't need to punish yourself like this. It hurts us, and well, its starting to hurt me too." She just stares back at you, unblinking. "You know, someone from my world once said. 'You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.' So Twilight..." You say as you lean in closer to her.
You can't believe what you are about to do, but hey, it worked on Applejack, so it might work on her. You might as well try. You lean forward, throw your left arm around her, and pull her into the most compassionate, friendly, and loving [not sexual, just friendship] hug you possibly can. You hug her with all you can, to heaven, beyond, and all things. You hug her like you've never hugged a pony before. Then, with your face close to hers, you say what you know you need to say. You aren't fully sure you can do it, but by your god and Zeus, you are willing to try.
"Twilight, I forgive you."
Up front, I'd offer her the knife, my forgiveness, and a hug as a first step, even if I hadn't fully forgiven her yet. That goes a long way to repairing a broken spirit.
And for all that is holy, let her cry as long as she needs.
Then, suddenly, the dam breaks. Out of nowhere, you hear what is unmistakable a sniffle from Twilight. Then, even more suddenly, she throws both of her hooves around you, pulls you close, buries her head into your chest, and starts crying. She lets loose and cries as hard as she can right into you. She cries you a river, she cries for her life. She's crying like she might as well have been hit with tear gas. She's crying like she's sorry. She's crying.
You're sure of it now. She knows what she did was wrong, and she really is sorry for it.
Slowly, you release the handle of your knife from your grasp, and bring your right arm around Twilight to bring her into the hug.
"I'm.... so.... sorry...." you think you can hear her say in between her sobs. You don't respond though, you just let her cry. You let her cry as long as she needs to.
this actually tends to work so please give it a go: sing to her very softly, simply sing about comfort and the beauty of the world and really uplifting stuff about things that she loves, kinda like a lullaby. it works whenever i do it and in the song, tell her to eat. so you dont have to do all the work i wrote something that can be edited to fit however you might play this or simply as inspiration
softly, softly the breeze comes through softly, softly it wraps around you my little purple pony, her mind full of words and in the clear blue sky there are a million birds warm little pony, curled up tight warm little pony, troubles out of sight full of thoughts and full of love sad little pony needs a hug *gives soft hug and holds for rest of song* round tomato, nice and red dont you worry you sweet head *picks tomato of her plate and holds it near her face* good little pony, much better now good little pony, safe and sound see the hope and caring friends just know their friendship never ends
you can back away now. she should've eaten the tomato and her hunger catches up with her so you should ask her how shes feeling. keep your voice soft and caring because she is in a bad place right now and really needed that hug we gave her being sweet and gentle is the best way to coax her back to reality. i know that she did so bad stuff but its clear that she wasn't in her right mind and needs to be comforted before we can do anything about what she did
Softly, softly the breeze comes through, softly, softly it wraps around you, my little purple pony, her mind full of words, and in the clear blue sky there are a million birds, warm little pony, curled up tight, warm little pony, troubles out of sight, full of thoughts and full of love, sad little pony needs a hug, round tomato, nice and red, dont you worry you sweet head, good little pony, much better now, good little pony, safe and sound, see the hope and caring friends, just know their friendship never ends.
You really have no idea where that came from or why you sang it to her, but you just did. You just thought it would make here feel better. Twilight either doesn't notice or wasn't paying attention, but she's still crying on your shoulder. You just hug her close and let her cry. You also sing the song again just for good measure. You just let her cry.
-Meanwhile, in the kitchen-
1. The macerena, since the Dinosaur is getting boring for now. 2. ENSURE THAT 1 IS DONE IN THE ACTUAL STORY CANON AND NOT A DREAM OR ALTERNATE UNIVERSE.
"Uh, Pinkie Pie, what are you doing?" Applejack asked as she watched her friend with a look on her face that suggested she had just watched the laws of physics being torn asunder (which given that Pinkie Pie was involved, could very well be the case).
"The macerena silly," Pinkie Pie replied as she kept dancing the macerena for seemingly no reason.
5. Suggest that waffles be loaded into the cookie cannon. 6. While Pinkie is loading waffles into the cookie cannon, steal the cookies and share them with Twilight. 7. ENSURE THAT 6 AND 7 ARE DONE IN THE ACTUAL STORY CANON AND NOT A DREAM OR ALTERNATE UNIVERSE.
"Hey Pinkie," Lyra said as she walked over to her, the cookie cannon in her telekinetic grasp.
"Yes Lyra," Pinkie replied as she kept doing the macerena.
"This might sound like an odd question, but could you load waffles into this thing?"
"No silly willy," Pinkie said as she stopped doing the macerena and snatched the cookie cannon from Lyra's grasp. "Waffles are much to big and the launching mechanism for this is oh so small." Pinkie said as she rubbed her hoof up and down the cookie cannon like it was the most precious thing. "The waffle launcher m.k. 2 is still in development and I'm having a bit of trouble getting some of the parts for it, but I'm sure it will work just fine for all your waffle shooting needs." Pinkie said with a huge grin.
"What about some of the frozen waffles that they sell at the store?" Lyra then asked. "They're about the same size as cookies, and they take less time to prepare than both cookies and regular waffles, since all you have to do is heat them up, so wouldn't they work just fine?" Pinkie Pie didn't respond. Instead, she instantly froze in place and kept her gaze fixed on Lyra and that same, incredibly wide smile on her face. It was, kind of creepy.
"Lyra," Pinkie Pie said again after what must have been a full minute of holding that pose and not even blinking.
"Yes, Pinkie Pie," Lyra responded.
"Shut up."
-Meanwhile, back in the library proper-
The rest of the night went by kind of quickly for you and Twilight, and you were very much relieved to see her eat. She even wanted some more, which Spike very eager to give her. After dinner, the two of you just sat together for a while and talked about a few things. You talked about magic, science, the books she liked to read, and a bunch of other things that she was interested in.
After that, she even showed you around the library for a while. She even picked out a book, which you read to her on the couch, and
3. Build a fort of pillows and books with Twilight Sparkle as prophesied by your daydream 4. ENSURE THAT 3 IS DONE IN THE ACTUAL STORY CANON AND NOT A DREAM OR ALTERNATE UNIVERSE.
the two of you even built a book fort out of many of the books in the library, complete with a roof from one of Twilight's sheets, as well as a blanket and some pillows. Its kind of weird to think that you would be doing something from your dream, but since you've been here, you've done weirder things.
After a while though, Twilight eventually falls asleep in the book fort, and you take that as your cue to leave. You think you can see a smile form on Twilight's face as you leave her there. You head into the kitchen and find everypony and Spike all there waiting for you there. Spike came forward first.
"So, did you do it?" He asked almost immediately. You're pretty sure he didn't mean have intercorse with her, so you answer appropriately.
"Yeah," you say. "Yeah I think I did. She's calm now. The next moment was kind of a blur for you, as you ended up in a massive group hug of all the ponies.
"I knew you could do it Jason!" Rarity says in the most dramatic way possible as she throws her hooves around your neck and brings your face closer to hers.
"Eh, I wasn't worried," Rainbow Dash said as she let go of you and hovered up to slightly higher than your eye level.
"Yeah, and good thing you didn't eat that cupcake," Pinkie Pie said as she bounced in front of you. You kind of completely forgot about that. Right before you can ask her anything about it, she just goes ahead and answers for you. "It was filled with viagra!" At that moment, every set of eyes in the room was on her, and you're pretty certain that everypony (and dragon) there had the exact same look on their face that you did. "What?" Pinkie said as she looked around at everyone there. "If he was going down I wanted to make sure that he would go down happy." And at that, you all silently agree to never mention that again. Now you're seriously doubting if Pinkie Pie is really on your side. Part of you still thinks she is... but yeah....
-A short while later-
A short while later, you all head outside the library and Spike bids farewell to all of you. You especially.
"Thanks again, really, for everything Jason," he says to you for the twentieth time.
"No problem man," you reply back for the twentieth time. "It's what I do."
"Yeah, I guess it is," he says back to you. "Well, I guess I'll be seeing you around."
"Yeah, I suppose we will," you reply. "Bye Spike." You say to him before you turn to leave with Lyra and Bon Bon.
"Wait, Jason!" Spike calls out right before you get anywhere.
"Yeah," you say as you turn back around.
"Um, I kind of forgot to mention this this morning but..." he pauses for a moment and fiddles with his hands (claws) a bit before he continues. "Princess Celestia wants to meet you tomorrow too. Since you're involved in all of this..."
Well f*ck you Ray Bradbury, that one made you suddenly more aware. You kind of freeze up at that one, you have no idea what to think. Though really, you suppose this shouldn't surprise you all that much. You do know that Twilight is her student after all, and if she is coming to see what is bothering her, then naturally she is going to want to see you too, since you were what was bothering her.
Though really, you suppose this isn't that bad. From what you've heard, she's really nice and understanding. Plus, she's pretty much a god, so if anyone other than Twilight can help you get back home, its her.
"All right," you say to Spike. "Just tell her to come by Lyra and Bon Bon's. I'll be there."
"All right," Spike replies as he heads back inside. "And, thanks again Jason. Really, I can't thank you enough."
"Hey, like I said man. Its what I do." At that, Spike walks back inside and shuts the door behind him. Finally, after all of that, you let out the breath you didn't even realize that you'd been holding since you walked in.
"GASP!!!" You all turn to see Pinkie Pie in mid air, and in mid gasp.
"Pinkie, what's wrong?" Rainbow Dash asks her as she lands back on the ground. The moment she does, her eyes go narrow and the expression on her face changes. She looks suddenly serious for some reason.
"I'll be right back," she says. Suddenly, she's gone and all you all see of her is a pink line that suddenly disappears into nothingness. You all stare for a few moments before you realize that you probably shouldn't think about it.
You then say your farewells to all of the other ponies and thank them for helping you in your time of need right now. After that is done, you leave with Lyra and Bon Bon back to their house.
After a short walk, the three of you get back. You and Lyra throw yourselves back on the couch as you walk in.
"Congratulations, Jason," Bon Bon says as she plops herself down right next to you. "You did it."
"Yeah, I guess I did," you reply. You honest to god feel proud of yourself right now.
"So," Lyra then says in that tone of voice that means that she has something planned. "Since you finally faced down your arch nemesis and survived." While you're not sure if the term 'arch-nemesis' is appropriate right now, it does fit. "I'd say that calls for a little," she then brings her hoof up to her mouth and inhales deeply. "Celebration." Both you and Bon Bon instantly know what she means.
The rest of the night was kind of hazy for you as you spent it 'celebrating' with Lyra and Bon Bon. Bon Bon even baked more cookies for you all, and you all did the dinosaur at least three different times in victory. Also at once point, while you all were super baked, Lyra even offered to let you watch her and Bon Bon have sex. An offer which you respectively declined, since after all you went through today, no amount of drugs is gonna get you to change your mind about that. So yeah, fun was had.
-The following morning-
The following morning, you were awoken by a knock on the door. You got up off of the couch and looked at the clock to see that the time was 10:00 am. Not much of a problem except that you were still a little sleepy. Then the knock on the door came back and woke you up again.
"I'm coming, I'm coming," you said as you groggily walked towards the door.
On the other side of the door, were two large, white, male ponies. They were't as large as Big Macintosh, but they were pretty huge by normal standards. Both of them were wearing matching gold, plated armor and carried spears with them. They way they were both looking at you suggested that you had just done something they didn't like.
"Are you Jason Morgan?" One of them asked.
You would have answered immediately, but your brain kind of shut down when you opened the door to what were obviously a pair of cops.
What do you do?
*CRACK!
OW!
"YOU DID IT AGAIN RAZOR!!!"
WHAT!?
*CRACK!
OW!!!
"YOU LOOPED AROUND MASTERWEAVER'S COMMENT AGAIN!!!"
*CRACK *CRACK
YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIT ME!!!
*CRACK
"YOU PINKIE PROMISED!!!!!!!!"
*CRACK *CRACK *CRACK
"YOU PINKIE PROMISED YOU WOULD USE THEM NO MATTER WHAT THEY WERE!!!"
I DID!!!
*CRACK
"NO YOU DIDN'T!!!"
I DID WHAT HE SAID! I MADE THE F***ING BOOK FORT, I ASKED YOU ABOUT LOADING WAFFLES INTO THE COOKIE CANNON, AND I PUT IN THE MACERENA!!!
*CRACK
"YOU MADE ME DO THE MACERENA!!!"
You know you aren't actually hitting me Pinkie.
*CRACK *CRACK *CRACK *CRACK
"I KNOW!!!!"
*CRACK
"IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF IT!!!"
*CRACK
"I KNOW I CAN'T HURT YOU, BUT IF I HIT YOU ENOUGH!!! THEN MAYBE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU DID-"
*CR- *grabs hoof
Pinkie....
"GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!"
Pinkie stop.
"GRRRR!!!!!
This isn't you Pinkie. You know that violence is not the answer.
*CR- *grabs other hoof
I didn't make you Pinkamena Diane Pie in this story Pinkie, so you aren't like this. Now calm down.
"GGGRRRRRR!!!!"
Calm. Down. Pinkie.
"GRRRRR!!!!!.......... -----"
*lowers hooves.
There, are we feeling better?
"*sniff* I'm sorry Razor."
Its all right Pinkie.
*hugs Pinkie Pie.
I understand. I know what I did. You don't need to cry about it.
"*sniff* Okay..."
So why don't we go and finish your waffle launcher m.k. 2 and get some cookie cake, and we can talk all about it.
"*sniff* Okay..."
*Leaves...
Note: No authors were actually harmed in this scene.
The Fuzz (As in the fuzzy white coats of the Royal Guard)
Horn and wings? Clearly this is the result of inbreeding. Don't be too obvious about your suspicions though.
Actually,while you're telling Celestia everything that has ahppened, you should probably ask about the state of psychological medicine in Equestria. Heaven knows both you and Twilight are going to need lots of therapy and NO YOU DON'T HAVE ILLEGAL WEED that's.... culturally significant weed in you human culture! Hahaha. Anywho, you should probably explain that Twilight wanted to summon a centaur for some--
Wait---
Why the heck is Celestia freaking out? Aren't you-- Did she just run out through the wall?
So apparently insanity is learned. With this knowledge, quietly begin a campaign to overthrow the princess and replace her with a more stable personality.
Also for no apparent reason it rains bowling balls on Narylohtep for twenty four hours.
The main problem with that is that the two ponies in front of you CLEARLY do not have both horns and wings. They are both pegasai. It's how they are holding the spears, they have them tucked under their wings. Its kind of weird, but given that they don't have hands it makes sense.
It's just the two of them there. There isn't another pony with horns and wings, and you know what Celestia looks like. You saw her picture in the newspaper, remember.
Ok take the time to think: Did you do anything wrong within the last couple of days? If you remember correctly you have not committed any crimes that you know of. Also keep in mind that Princess Celestia is going to be visiting you today so maybe these two guards are with her by chance.
With these ideas in mind you should respond by saying to them "I am Jason Morgan but now that I have answered your question can you answer one of my own? Are you two with Princess Celestia by chance?"
If they say yes follow them to her, if they say no then ask them why are they here, and if they say its confidential and they ask you to follow them be very careful around them cause if something smells fishy then something must be afoot.
But yeah, these two, they don't seem very pleased. You take a moment to think about all the things you've done in the short time you've been here. You haven't done anything wrong. At least you don't think so. Except for...
Wait...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Oh dear god YOU PROBABLY STILL SMELL LIKE WHAT YOU SMOKED LAST NIGHT!!!!
'Okay, okay, calm down,' you think to yourself after freaking out mentally for several milliseconds. 'There isn't any illegal weed in this house.... Nope, none at all. Theres...' Crap, you're going to have to think of something really clever if you want to get out of this one. You channel your inner Doctor as best you can and come up with.... 'OF COURSE!!!' you think to yourself. 'I don't have any illegal weed. What I have is... culturally significant weed from my human culture... Yeah, that's it.' Yeah, your inner Doctor supposes that is good enough (or maybe he is still high too, you're not sure), so that's what you'll tell these two about why this house smells the way it does and why there is a bong and several empty bags left out on the coffee table behind you, which you are almost certain there are, and just as certain that they can see because the coffee table can be seen from the entrance.
All right my comment was used... Moving on, Raise a finger as if you we're about to say something, but right when you hold up the finger, you crack.. And everything else is a daze
You raise your finger to them as if you are about to say something, which you are, as you are going to explain to them that what you have is DEFINITELY culturally significant weed and not illegal ones, and...
Brain.exe not found.
If it reboots, answer... like the badass you are.
"Mr. Scotty."
"Yes Capt'n."
"Did Jason's brain just stop working?"
"I believe it did, Sir."
"*sigh* Get it working again, we have to get through this and we have to get through it now."
"Ay Capt'n. Workin on it."
"Captain. Is is not logical to simply answer the question that they asked. They are not asking about the-"
"I know Spock, I know. We'll see."
Brain.exe has been found...
Rebooting...
So derp moment right here so...
"FUCK THE PO!" Followed by the slamming of door and then go find Lyra and Bon-Bon only to find they were in a cute ball rolled up in each other so you can not, REPEAT, CAN NOT wake them up but you do so anyway
Yell loud enough the entire town hears you "oh shit the fuzz!" Slam the door in there face grab the drugs flush it down the toilet and run like hell
Impulsively SLAM the door shut! Then immediately regret that you did that and apologize to the big... scary... police officers... Then- Ooh! There's a cat!
Well... if cops (or guards, you're in Equestria after all) appear in front of door, there is only one thing to do:
Scream like a little girl in panic and slam the door into their face. Then realize they must be with the princess and calm down to open the door again. Ask them what they want and hear Bon-Bon and Lyra have sex in the background while Pinkie races through the living room searching for her Cookie Cannon mk2 plans.
Oh, and while you are at it... GET DRESSED!
1. Panic and slam the door in their faces. 2. Wake up Lyra and Bon Bon. 3. Hide in Lyra's basement. 4. Find a corner, sit down, and wait.
Without thinking, you impulsively slam the door in their faces as hard as you can.
Faint from fear
THEY KNOW YOU HAVE THE DRUGS! Quick enter the fetal position and fake a heart attack. If need be try to wet your pants and make it as convincing as possible. You don't know what they do to guys like you in jail. And by Zeus they probably don't know either to take advantage of the foreign visitor or make bets on how long you last before crying... OK, that is probably paranoia but you still have fun with the cops, oh hey maybe the Ghost of Pinkie knows what to do. If that fails... well you're shit out of luck, have fun being a prison... bitch... have fun with that.
'F*CK!!!' You scream to yourself mentally as you fall onto the floor and curl up into the fetal position. They know you have the drugs. They know EVERYTHING!!!! There's no escape for you. You're DOOMED!!! DOOMED TO ROT IN A PRISON ON A WORLD FULL OF TALKING TECHNICOLOR PONIES!!!
"What the buck is going on!!??" you hear Lyra yell as you watch her and Bon Bon enter the room. They both look tired and have bad cases of bed mane, but that's not important right now.
Ask Bon Bon and Lyra if they know any lawyer ponies.
"Do either of you know any good lawyer ponies!?" You ask them from your fetal position on the floor.
"What!?" Bon Bon replies, noticeably confused. You're just about to open your mouth to say something, but before you do, you (for the first time today) actually take a look around the house. The coffee table is completely cleared and from the looks of it, clean. There isn't a bong or any sorts of bags to be found on it. In fact there is nothing on it at all. Also, the entire room looks pretty clear of anything suspicious, and you notice that a lot of the windows are open. So... Yeah... there is nothing to worry about here.
"You two... didn't happen to clean up this room after we were done last night did you?"
"Well duh!" Lyra exclaimed, noticeably frustrated at being woken up like this. "Why are you asking?" You don't answer that, as you start to feel another part of your brain fail at that point.
Great, now you just made yourself look like an idiot for no reason.
You suppose there really is only one thing to do now.
You take a deep breath, get up off of the floor, open the door back up again, get on the floor, and... no wait, wrong scenario.
You open the door again and face the two guards on the other side. Their expressions have not changed in the slightest. Behind you, Lyra and Bon Bon are both sporting noticeably shocked expressions at seeing the Royal Guard members outside.
"Terribly sorry about that," you say to them. They don't respond.
For the love of everything, tell your name, sex, age, virginity, and blood type if necessary.
Say, "Officer, Problem?"
Ahem, now to the matter of the guards... For goodness sake man answer yes! Yes you are Jason Morgan! Go with them, see what they want, maybe ask Lyra and Bon Bon if they're legit guards, however do NOT get into more trouble at this stage! So, I know you're scared, but please, just tell the nice ponies your name.
1.) First thing's first, answer the good stallion.
"And yes, I am Jason Morgan," you then say to the two guardsponies. "Is there a problem?" Both of them remain silent for several moments, as if they were trying to process what you just said. Given that their expression's didn't change, you're kind of not sure what they are thinking.
"Princess Celestia formally requests your presence in front of the library this morning," one of them finally says to you.
Have them wait a minute while you get cloths on, then go with them, they're probobley with Princess Celestia.
See Iron Will in the streets while enroute, panic slightley at seeing a real live Minotaur.
2.) Your answer should likely consist of, "Yes, I am he. If this is about my meeting with Princess Celestia, I'll just need about 5 to 10 minutes to prepare, depending on if anypony is in the shower right now. I'd rather not show up looking less than respectable."
Its then at this point, that you realize you are still naked in front of these two as you look back down at yourself, then back to them. You really aren't worried about that though anymore. Everyone's naked here so you don't let it bother you. Still...
"Can I at least have ten to twenty minutes to get ready?" you ask them. "I, kind of, want to look my best if I'm going to meet a princess." Again, they are silent for several moments before one of them answers.
3A.) In the event the guards agree, head up to the shower...which SHOULD be free, and shower quickly. As Uncle Carlin liked to say, hit the three main spots: Mouth, Pits and Ass. After that, dry off and get into your Rarity-Best...that's the suit dear boy. Return to the stallions and tell them you're ready, while leaving a quick note for Lyra and Bon-Bon just in case.
"Very well," one of them says. "We will inform Princess Celestia of this. Do not be late." At that, they both hold their spears straight up again and march off down the road. You watch them go for a moment before you close the door and turn back to look at Lyra and Bon Bon, who both look kind of confused.
"What the buck was that?" Lyra suddenly asked, to which you let out a sigh.
"Princess Celestia wanted to see me too, remember?" you remind her.
"Oh, right," she says as she brings a hoof to her chin and remembers. Bon Bon just lets out a loud sigh and rolls her eyes. You're guessing that she remembered.
From there, you head straight for the shower and clean yourself up. You take a quick one, as you don't want to keep someone whose royalty waiting. Once you're out, you get dressed in Rarity's suit. Like you said, you want to look your best. Lyra and Bon Bon even stick around while you take care of that to make sure that everything is perfect. Especially Bon Bon, she's just like your mom in that regard. Once that is over, you have a quick apple for breakfast and head outside back towards the library to meet Princess Celestia.
It doesn't take you long to get there, and Lyra and Bon Bon decide to come too, for some reason (they got themselves ready real quick too). You had no objections to that though, they've been there for you since you got here.
Eventually though, you're in front of the library. You notice what looks like a carriage parked outside, and next to it, you see a few more guards, but you also see her. You see Princess Celestia.
She is huge! These other ponies on average were about chest height for you, Big Macintosh was eye level, but Princess Celestia... compared to the rest of these ponies, she was a full on horse. She was about as large as a large Clydesdale compared to you. She even had to look down at you, just a little bit. Naturally, seeing this was kind of shocking to you. You try not to show it though.
Beyond that, she looked pretty much exactly how you saw her in the paper from before. White coat, long, flowing rainbow mane, the gold regalia. Yep, its her.
You, Lyra and Bon Bon all walk up to her. The two of them bow, you don't. Celestia just looks down at you and smiles as brightly as the sun in the sky. Neither of you say or do anything. Neither one of you is making a move.
What do you do?
-Meanwhile, in Canterlot-
Risen Flag sang a little tune to himself as he walked outside from one branch of the palace to the other.
He sang to himself when suddenly he looked up and noticed what looked like a bowling ball falling from the sky right on him.
"What the?" he said to himself as he used his magic and stopped it before it hit him. He then took it down and brought it in front of him so he could get a look at it. Upon closer inspection, it was a bowling ball. He didn't have much time to ponder that for very long though as he looked up again and noticed another one falling down at him again.
Thinking quickly, he stopped that one too, but then another one came down, which he stopped, and then again, and again, and again.
"Oh, for the love of!" Flag shouted as he caught what must have been the twelfth bowling ball. Then, suddenly, a quick flash of magic came from his horn. Everything went white for less than a moment, but then when it disappeared, all of the bowling balls were gone. "Hm," he said to himself before he continued on his way.
"DRAT!" Discord said to himself before he flew off to somewhere else, lest he be noticed.
-Meanwhile, somewhere out in space-
"DALEK ANTARES!!!" The commander shouted. After a few moments, the supreme Dalek came up behind him.
"Yes, commander?" it replied back to him.
"Why was the crew of The Enterprise in this story!?"
"I don't know sir."
"Well, find out!!!"
"I obey," the supreme Dalek said before he turned back around and left to carry out the task that had been given to him.
Alright it is quite obvious as to what you should do first. First off greet the Princess by saying this to her.
YOUR INNER STINKMEANER COMMANDS IT!
..... Or just greet her in your traditional fashion that you have been giving every other pony. Then ask her why you are here and whats up with this centaur crap that Twilight was obsessed over?
Don't forget to bow!
BOW! BOW TO THE ROYALTY! BOW NOW!!!
And after you bow, speak politely, address her as "Your highness" and ask her why she wanted to see you, even if you dang well know the answer. Also, comment on how lovely her Kingdom is... just as a conversation opener, try to start on a good foot.
Remember all the etiquette classes that you didn't take...wait...You didn't take any. Well then, bow and compliment her mane. Ask to see if you can touch it, without sounding weird if possible.
Bow to her respectfully, but don't overdo it. Suddenly you almost trip on your imaginary shoelace and barely manage to keep your balance steady.
Oh, and say you like her mane too.
You just keep staring into her eyes, and she just keeps looking at you. Neither one of you even blinks. You're not really sure what to do at this point.
"BOW YOU IDIOT!!!" Ghost Pinkie Pie suddenly shouts out of nowhere as she appears and bops you on the head (at some point, you really need to look into why she is even in your head).
Without thinking, you instantly get down on one knee and bow before Princess Celestia. You also bring your head low and look at the ground. You aren't sure about all the rules of a monarchy, but you're pretty sure you're not supposed to look into their eyes unless they allow it.
Then suddenly, you start to hear Princess Celestia laugh. Well, its more of a giggle really.
"Please, rise," she says to you. "You do not have to bow in my presence." You look up a little bit and notice that she seems to be bidding you to stand. You're a bit hesitant, but you do so, as do Lyra and Bon Bon. Once again at your full height, you look Princess Celestia right in the eye. She doesn't seem to mind that much either, still, you try to look elsewhere, at least for now.
"Thank you... Your majesty," you say to her as politely as you can as you try to look anywhere but her eyes.
Try to impress her with you witty human humor.
Notice that her mane is seemingly moving on it's own in a pretty color fashion. Become enraptured by it, almost as if you are hypnotized by it's unending swaying. Break out of your trance and realize that you are making an awkward silence for everyone so say the first thing that comes to your mind "I really like your...Mane?" Celestia thanks you and giggles even though that was a pretty lame thing to say.
Compliment her mane and ask if you can touch it.
i really like your mane! i think we all no what this calls for, EPIC CELESTIA PARTY!!!!! also some dinosaur would be nice
CELESTIA PARTY!!
"I really like your.... mane," you say to her as your eyes become instantly focused on her mane the second you look away from her eyes. It's kind of strange. You thought Rainbow Dash's rainbow mane was a little weird at first (seriously, even with the strange mane colors here you have no idea how that could possibly happen), but this... this was a full on rainbow. The way it moved, the way it flowed oh so naturally with the wind even though there was no wind you could feel, the way it.... was. The longer you stare at it, you feel sort of entrapped by it. You want to keep looking. You guess you really do like her mane.
"My my," Celestia said to you as she cocked her head to the side a little. "Aren't we polite." As she said that, she slowly began to lean in closer. "And so very.... very..." At this point, her face was right next to yours, and you swear you can feel her breath on your cheek. "Tall..." You could feel her breath on your ear when she said that to you. The moment that word left her mouth, she then brought her snout to your neck and started inhaling. She was sniffing you.
At this point, your powers of realization resurface. Princess Celestia is sniffing you. You're pretty certain you remember one of Twilight's friends (you can't remember which, or maybe it was Lyra) telling you that Twilight Sparkle was the personal student of Princess Celestia, who was currently sniffing you. Twilight is Princess Celestia's student.
Twilight....
is....
Celestia's.....
personal...
student....
and....
she...
is...
sniffing....
you....
right....
now......
YOU CAN SWEAR YOU FEEL YOUR HEART STOP BEATING AND YOUR EYES THREATEN TO BURST OUT OF YOUR SKULL!!!! BY ZEUS AND ALL THAT IS HOLY AND OR OLYMPIAN WHY DIDN'T YOU REALIZE THIS BEFORE!!!???
YOU ARE SO F*CKED..... YOU ARE SO....
Your moment of panicking is interrupted by Princess Celestia pulling her head back suddenly bursting out laughing. Not just the giggle she did before, but a full on laugh.
"Oh me...." she said in between fits of laughter. "You.... you should have seen the look on your face." At that, she couldn't help but laugh.
Great, this princess is a troll.
You want to say something, but since she is a princess, you decide to hold it in. Saying the wrong thing to her could probably land you in a dungeon somewhere... or worse.
Then suddenly, you notice Spike and Twilight walking out of the library. At this, Princess Celestia stops laughing and regains her compose. Though you do see her snicker a little bit. The two of you then watch as Spike helps Twilight into the carriage.
"Don't worry Twilight. I'll keep the library running while you're gone," You watch as Twilight just smiles at him and nods. Spike then nods back. He then turns to look at you. He nods at you, and you nod back. Princess Celestia just closes her eyes and bows her head a little at him. You then watch Spike give her a salute and walk back into the library.
"Twilight has decide to come back with me to Canterlot," she says to you. "In order to, shall we say. Get away from everything so she can clear her head." You suppose you can understand that. After last night, you'd kind of figure she wants some time alone. Shame you couldn't get any answers from her though. "I was hoping you could join us." Princess Celestia says as she turns back to face you. "After all, we do have much to discuss."
You contemplate that for a moment. You really, REALLY... don't want to be going somewhere with Twilight. On the other hand, if there is any other pony here who can probably help you, then its Celestia, who from what you've gathered... is pretty much God here.
You turn to look at Lyra, who is just nodding at you. Same with Bon Bon, though not as frantically.
"All right," you say to her after a long sigh.
"Thank you," Celestia says as she climbs into the carriage. You turn to look back at Lyra and Bon Bon.
"Tell Applejack I'll be gone for a day or so," you tell them.
"Don't worry," Bon Bon replies. "I'll take care of everything. You don't have to worry."
"And bring back something cool!" Lyra says as she puts that stupid looking grin on her face. You can't help but smile at that. You then kneel down again and hug them both. They hug you back in return. Really, you do have a lot to thank them for.
"I'll be back soon," you say to them. You then let go of them and say your goodbyes. They say their's as well. With that done, you walk over towards the carriage.
"Care to sit next to me?" Celestia asks you with that same "reassuring" smile on her face. You don't argue. You get in and take the seat next to her. Despite the fact that they are horses, they still have seats apparently. Or maybe she brought one for you, you'll never know.
Once you're in, the carriage takes off. No really, it just gets going and takes off. Though, given that its being pulled by six pegasai, you really aren't surprised.
You wave goodbye to Lyra and Bon Bon one last time as you head off, and they wave back.
After a while though, you are too far away to see them. You look back up at Celestia, who is just looking forward.
You know, since you are sitting here, right next to her, and since Twilight really didn't give you any answers last night (since she was still trying to get over everything), it couldn't help to ask her a few questions. Plus, she seems really nice. So she could be able to answer whatever you ask her.
What do you ask the princess of all ponydom, Princess Celestia.
Ok you can't let Celestia try to one up ya on that "sniffing troll maneuver" so here is what you do.
1. Ask her "Do you like cake Celestia?" 2. If she answers yes then ask her "Do you eat cake on a daily basis?" 3. If she answers yes again then quickly say "Well it does show on you Princess." or "LOL, UR FAT!"
If she can make fun of your traumatic experience then you have the right to make fun of her weight!
YOUR INNER TROLL COMMANDS IT! NO REGRETS!
Afterwards you should get back down to business and ask about just what the hell all this centaur bullshit is about.
1. Ask "So Princess... Do you like waffles?" 2. Attempt to troll Celestia. 3. Find amusement in what you have done.
ask tia a paradoxical question ( yes or no question, is the next word you are about to say "no") beause we need to troll her back
Get revenge for that troll.
Also... try not to fall.
"So... um..." You begin to say as Princess Celestia turns to look at you.
"You do not need to be shy," she says to you in a sort of calming voice. "If there is something you wish to say, then by all means, say it."
"All right," you respond, though still a little apprehensive. She may have just given you permission to speak as you will, but she is still royalty, so you know you better tread lightly. "Do you..." you try again.
"Yes..." Celestia says as she leans in closer to you. She's not as close as when she tried to sniff you, but she is still close.
"Do you... like waffles?" you finally ask her. She doesn't say anything for a few moments, presumably because her mind is still trying to process that strange question. After a few moments though, she just giggles a little bit and then leans back.
"Why yes," she says as she leans back and looks into the sky as if she's reminiscing about the last time she ate them. "I love waffles."
"Do you like pancakes?" you then ask her.
"Yes, I like pancakes?" she responds again in that soothing voice of hers.
"Do you like French Toast?"
"Yes, I like French Toast." She seems more than pleased to answer your questions.
"Do you like cake?"
"Yes." You watch her shiver a little with glee as you ask that question. "I love cake."
"Well it really shows on you." At that, she instantly turns to look at you again. The expression on her face is probably the most perfect poker face you had ever seen.
You just smugly lean back in your chair (of which you seem to be the only one in a chair), throw your arm over the back, look back at her, and make the best impression of this face that you possible can. You also swear you can hear this music playing in the background for some reason.
By Zeus the setup to that was perfect. You waited for several minutes, pretended like you were nervous so that she would notice when you tried to talk to her, and when you did, she took the bait, and then you delivered. Hook. Line. And sinker.
IF SHE CAN MAKE FUN OF YOUR TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE THEN BY ZEUS, ODIN, RA, AND ALL THE OTHER GODS YOU CAN MAKE FUN OF HER WEIGHT!!!
Celestia just keeps staring back at you with that poker face of hers. You really can't read what she's thinking.
Realize there are no seatbelts.
Its at this point though, that you realize something. There are no seat belts in this carriage, and really, this chair was put here specifically for YOU... there is literally nothing stopping you from falling off..... and you just trolled the Princess of all of ponydom.
...
...
...
...
...
...
'OH MY GOD I JUST TROLLED THE PRINCESS OF ALL OF PONYDOM AND SHE CAN PUSH ME OFF THIS CART!!!' you scream at yourself mentally as you realize what you just did, momentarily forgetting that this is a carriage and not a cart. Yeah, she trolled you, but you know nothing about what kind of ruler she is. She could be the kind of person... pony who likes teasing but hates being teased back, she could be the kind of ruler who doesn't take anything from anybody (much less an alien) and YOU JUST MADE FUN OF HER!!!
OH GOD, ZEUS, ODIN AND SOLID SNAKE WHY DIDN'T ANY OF THEM WARN YOU ABOUT THIS!!!???
You don't change your facial expression or show any of this outwardly, but mentally you are kind of freaking out right now.
"Pffft," Celestia says as you keep looking at her. You watch as her face slowly twists and contorts as if she is trying to hold something back, and her lips keep growing into a smile. She looks as if she is trying to hold something back....
Something she fails at doing almost instantly as she bursts out laughing. She almost falls against the side of the carriage and leans her head over before she leans back in towards you. She then falls over on top of you and grabs her sides with her wings, all the while she won't stop laughing. You just stay absolutely still as you take off your troll face and just sit there.
"Oh, you clever monkey," Celestia says as she sits back up and catches her breath, which is almost immediately looses again as she lets out another laugh, but then stops it before it goes any farther. "I can't believe I walked right into that." She then says to you as she tries to hold back even more laughs.
Suddenly, this is all too much for you. You don't even bother trying to hold it back as you burst out laughing. Yeah, you got her good and she just admitted it. Seeing you laugh, Celestia starts laughing again too. You both fall on each other and keep laughing for several minutes.
You are about to ask her something VERY important until you all turn to your left and see who else but the freaking Dovahkiin riding Odahving who also looks at you. You think you hear him say "I knew I should have taken that turn at Albuquerque."
You thank the gods that nothing bad happened as you catch your breath and sit back up. As you do, off in the distance you see what you can only guess is a flying dragon. Upon closer inspection though, it appears to be a bit smaller.... and grey.... and metal.... and has propellers.... It's too far away to see clearly, but you watch it fly into the clouds and out of sight. You wonder for a moment where it's going.
What's is you favorite fruit?
"I saw in the paper that you like cake, what's your favorite kind?"
"So Celestia," you say now that the mood is lightened and you have your breath back. "If you don't mind me asking. What's your favorite kind of cake?"
"Oh, I like all kinds," Celestia says as she just finishes catching her breath as well. "But if I had to pick one. I'd probably say.... vanilla.... or strawberry... or strawberry vanilla." You notice her mouth start to water a little bit as she mentions that. You must have hit the mark with the cake there. "By the way, don't worry." She says as she leans in close to you. This time, she is right next to your ear again. "Weed is legal here in Equestria."
At the exact moment those words hit your ear (as well as her breath), you freeze right where you are. You were worried about the smell this morning, but you didn't expect it to come back and bite you now. Besides, Lyra and Bon Bon assured you the smell was gone when you left. You remember that happening... did she...
You slowly turn your head to look at her again. Celestia just looks back at you with a sort of smug grin on her face. You can swear that your face right now is a perfect carbon copy of hers when she was looking at you earlier.
Seriously though. How could she possibly have known?
"So, I hear you raise the sun huh? So is the world flat here or something? If not, how exactly does that work?"
2) When you raise the sun, aren't you technically causing the entirety of the solar system's gravity to be thrown off, causing random planets, asteroids and other cosmic objects to fly off into the various dark voids of space, thereby causing the deaths of several dozen species and destroying countless worlds?
"So..." you say to try and change the subject. "I hear you raise the sun."
"Yes," Celestia then replies as she puts her charming smile back on. "I am the princess of the sun. I raise it every morning."
"If you don't mind me asking," you then say. "How exactly does that work? Is this world flat or something, and if not, aren't you technically causing the entirety of the solar system's gravity to be thrown off, causing random planets, asteroids, and other cosmic objects to fly into the various, dark corners of space, thereby causing the deaths of several dozen species and destroying countless worlds?" Celestia just giggles lightly at that, even though that was another attempt to troll her. Seriously though, you want to know how she is breaking so many laws of physics and space by making that work.
"It is true that I raise the sun," she says. "But our solar system is not the same as yours." She then sits herself upright as if she is about to give a lecture. "You see, I am not actually moving the sun. Though I could if I wanted to. I'm actually just moving the planet around. You see, our planet revolves around our sun, but it doesn't rotate. It just stays perfectly still while it moves around the sun. So what I do is rotate the planet such that the days happen when they need to since the planet can't do it by itself."
That explanation.... only raises A LOT more questions, but you're pretty sure you are going to hurt your brain if you try to press the issue anymore. You're not physicists.
"Why do you go by princess instead of Queen?"
Soooooo....... Princess huh? Did you inherit the title or what?
Ask her about the history of Equestria.
"Hey wait a minute," you say as you think about something that she said, and something that everyone said about her. "Why do you go by the title of princess instead of queen? Is your mother still around, and if so is she the queen?"
"No, it's just me," Celestia calmly responds. "And go by the title of princess because... Well... unfortunately, there was a time in our history.... before I was ruler, that a queen ruled Equestria. In short, she was evil and enslaved her subjects, but all the ponies rose up and defeated her. It's not a good time in Equestria's history. So I go by the title of princess because its an easier title for my subjects to accept since it doesn't have any bad or evil connotations with it."
You suppose you could understand that. If to these ponies, the term "queen" is the same as "evil" then you might want to take up a different title too. You suppose she didn't really inherit the title of that were the case, but you never know.
Ask if there is anything valuable at the palace if yes ask about how tight the security is there you did promise Lyra something cool after all
Part of you wants to ask if there is anything valuable in the palace and about how tight the security is there (since she is the sovereign ruler, you're guessing a lot). After all, you did promise Lyra something when you got back. However, you quickly think better of it. Asking such a question would be too suspicious.
"How does your mane do that?"
It's at this point that you notice her mane again. The same one you were infatuated with earlier.
"How does..." you begin to say, but then stop. You try to figure out how to word this correctly. "How does your mane do that?"
"Oh, my mane?" Celestia says as she looks at it for a moment. "It's just my mane. It just does." You don't say anything else in response. In truth, it's not really a pressing issue that you need solved RIGHT NOW!!! "Do you want to touch it?" Celestia then asks you as she looks at you with... an almost... disturbing look.
"Umm.... sure," you reply as you reach out and touch it. You then slowly run your fingers through it. It feels soft. After that, you grab a handful and bring it closer so you can look at it. Despite it's rainbow appearance, it actually is a mane, surprisingly.
celestia starts hitting on you and you become creeped out. in response to the forwardness you start running around the carriage like a headless chicken, screw the fact there is no seat belts or anything to keep you on the carriage.
As you keep running your fingers through her hair, Celestia leans in closer again.
"I love it when you comb my hair," she says to you in an almost (no, definitely NOT almost) erotic voice. It's at that point that you freeze up again. You want to just get up and run away, but then you realize something. She did this before... you know what she is doing.
7) If there are twelve eggs in a dozen, and thirteen muffins in a baker's dozen, how long will it take for me to seduce you, take you back to your bed chamber, make sweet heavenly, dare I say cosmic, love with you if I am riding a unicycle while trying to juggle six chainsaws, a puppy and for some reason Spike all while in the nude and singing the entire score of the HMS Pinafore backwards in Russian?
Seeing her ruse, you lean in closer to her ear, and whisper back in the most erotic voice you can muster (which is pretty good actually).
"If there are twelve eggs in a dozen, and thirteen muffins in a baker's dozen, how long will it take for me to seduce you, take you back to your bed chamber, make sweet heavenly, dare I say cosmic, love with you if I am riding a unicycle while trying to juggle six chainsaws, a puppy and for some reason Spike all while in the nude and singing the entire score of the HMS Pinafore backwards in Russian?"
At that, she pulls her head back and looks at you confused, as if she is trying to contemplate what you just said. You, with some of her mane still in your hand, look back at her and attempt to imitate the smug grin she gave you earlier.
So, um, Princess... have you ever thought about how uncomfortable testicles really are?
"What," you say. "Haven't you ever thought about how uncomfortable testicles really are?"
It's at that point that Celestia can no longer contain it, as she bursts out laughing again, as do you.
"My my," Celestia says as she catches her breath. "If I didn't know any better. I'd say that you were getting some help in deciding what to say."
"What can I say," you respond as you let go of her mane. "I just do what I do."
"I bet you do," Celestia says as she leans in closer again. This time though, you are not deterred.
Well there's a million and one things you could ask the royal pony princess... But let's cut to brass tacks. Ask her if she knows of a way to send you home, if it's possible, if that's even an option for you.
So, now here comes the questions. If you're going to get any answers it's with the ruler of equestria and her student. 1.) Give your best smile and see if you could start up conversation 2.) Try to get serious here because this is were you try to change the subject so you can ask the important questions 3.) Ask how or if you can get home.
Also... feeling a bit uncomfortable in this carriage, huh. I mean, this is the ruler of equestria, All pony kind, and the mare who tried to rape you.
It's at this point that you notice that Twilight hasn't been participating much in this conversation. Or any conversation for that matter. You look back at her and notice that she has actually fallen asleep. You can't say that you're really surprised though, she looked pretty dead tired last night, you suppose she has a lot to make up for. You kind of have to admit though, she looks kind of adorable when sleeping soundly like that, though the fact that she isn't wearing that anti magic horn cover thing makes you a little worried. You look past that though, you shouldn't have anything to worry about now.
With her like that though, you suppose its time to take this discussion with Celestia in a more serious direction.
"So, Celestia," you say to her as you put on the best smile you can.
"Yes, Jason," she replies.
"Since you are the ruler of this land and Twilight's mentor. Do you... do you think you could tell me how I can get home?" At that, you watch the smile drop from her face. At the sight of that, you become a bit worried. "Can I even get home?"
"I would..." Celestia begins to say, but then stops and takes a deep breath. "I would prefer it if we discussed this once we get to Canterlot."
Her sudden change in attitude in the way she said that kind of worries you, but you suppose there is not much you can do about it now. You will get answers, you'll just have to be a bit more patient.
-Meanwhile, in Cloudsdale-
"Yo Hoops!" Dumbbell shouted as he walked over to where his friend was working, a rolled up poster tucked under his wing. "Check out what I just scored!" At that, his friend couldn't be any more curiouser. Hoops stopped working on whatever it was he was doing and flew down to see his friend. Dumbbell in turn, took out the poster from under his wing, unrolled it, and showed it to Hoops.
"WOAH!" Hoops said as he got a look at the picture on the poster, his face reddening a little as he did. "Is that...?"
"Yep," Dumbbell replied. "The one and only-" before he could even finish the next word of that sentence, a strong gust of wind came out of nowhere, snatched the poster from both of their hooves, and carried it off into the sky. "Wait!" Dumbbell shouted as he tried to catch it, but it was too late. "Well buck me," was all he could say.
-Meanwhile, back with Jason-
Spot Cloudsdale, wonder aloud how the heck that works... Then see Canterlot. Nevermind the fact that it can be seen from Ponyville, this is the first time you've seen it. Make mental note of where your jaw fell off.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a flying poster hits you in the face. You quickly grab it and tear if off before it completely drives you nuts. You then hold it in front of you to see what's on it. It seems to be a post of a certain pegasus that you've never seen in some kind of erotic pose. You quickly throw the poster of the carriage before Celestia can see it and use it to troll you again, though the look on her face suggests that she has already seen it.
You're about to say something, but right before you do, you notice what appear to be a bunch of large clouds that are all closer together. Upon closer inspection, you notice buildings on top of all of them.
"How the fuck does that work?" you silently ask yourself before you look forward again, and that is when you see it. You see where the carriage is pulling you towards. You see the large castle and city built into the side of a large mountain. It's... kind of amazing. You take a quick note here to remember where your jaw fell when it dropped off of your face. Out of the corner of your eye you notice that Celestia still has that smug grin on her face.
The carriage then gets pulled into the city and throughout it. It looks kind of amazing. Flying over a city like this in a carriage being pulled by a bunch of pegasai. This place kind of reminds you of Kings Landing from Game of Thrones, only much cleaner and with hopefully less corrupt politicians.
It's at that point that you see even more directly just where this carriage is pulling you as you spot the large castle in front of you. Now you've seen everything. This is a genuine god damned castle. A real deal, like in medieval times (though much more extravagant), or in Lord of the Rings or Narnia, a real god damn castle.
As you stare in awe for a few more moments, you eventually land on some kind of platform at the edge of the castle above the streets.
"Twilight," Celestia says as she leans in closer to Twilight and nudges against her just like a mother would. "Twilight wake up now. We're here." The way she's talking to her is also quite motherly. You then watch Twilight let out a groan for a moment before she yawns and slowly opens her eyes. She doesn't say anything, but instead just smiles at Princess Celestia as she looks directly at her. You don't say or do anything to get her attention. You just let her be.
With Twilight up, Celestia then steps out of the carriage. Twilight does as well, though the way she gets out is more of a hop than a step. You get out the other side and walk around towards them.
"Hi Twilight," you politely say to her as you walk around next to her.
"Hi..." is all she says back to you. Celestia, who is on the other side of her, just smiles back at you at your kind gesture. Given all she's done, its a miracle you can be kind to her at all. You just keep your smile on and look back at her from Twilight Sparkle. Finally, you'll get something done now. With both Celestia and Twilight here, you're certain you'll get back home in no time.
"Princess Celestia," another voice suddenly says, this one male. The three of you look forward to see two other ponies at the entrance to the palace. One was a tall, unicorn stallion with a dark, brown coat and a black, slicked back mane. He wore some kind of nice dark suit with a blue tie. He seemed kind of familiar. The other was a light blue unicorn mare that wore some kind of secretary's outfit.
"Risen Flag," Celestia replied as the three of you walked over to him. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" At that, the two ponies stood back up again, and the identity of this stallion hit you like a brick to the face. He was the politician you saw in the newspaper earlier.
"The pleasure is all mine, as always your majesty," Risen says as he looks up at her. Celestia seemed a bit flattered by what he said. "We heard you had left for Ponyville this morning, so we-" At that, he suddenly stopped and looked up at you. Granted, you've gotten used to the surprised looks that these ponies give you when you meet them, after all, you'd have pretty much the same expression on your face if you met an alien, but this was different. He seemed shocked, almost surprised to see you. As if he had been expecting something, but you standing there was the last thing he expected to see. That was just it, surprise and shock. Not confusion and the 'what the fuck am I looking at' expression you had seen on these ponies before. The mare next to him looked a little confused, and more or less had the same expression that you'd gotten used when other ponies first saw you.
"Oh, where are my manners," Celestia says as if she didn't even notice the look he was giving you. "Jason, Twilight, Risen Flag. Risen Flag, Jason, Twilight. Risen Flag is a new senator in the Equestrian government."
"Nice to meet you," you say to him as politely as you can as you hold out a hand. If Celestia knew this person, it only made sense the treat him politely.
"Its a..." he began to say as he lifted up his hoof to shake your hand, but then he stopped, almost as if he had forgotten what he wanted to say. Then, as your hand touched his hoof, he silently coughed to himself "pleasure..." he almost seemed to force that word out of his mouth. "to make your acquaintance." As you shook his hoof, the look he gave you was one he couldn't place. It was like he was trying to keep his polite face on, but found it incredibly difficult to do so. Incredibly... difficult. The look in his eyes somehow betrayed everything his face was saying.
You swear, this guy's picture in the paper was a little creepy, but meeting him in person is another thing entirely. You're not sure why, but he just bothers you for some reason.
"So Risen," Celestia said as you let go of his hoof. He seemed to place it on the ground quickly the second you let go of it. "Why are you here to greet us?"
"We just wanted to be here when you returned," Risen said as he turned his attention back to Celestia. All the tension between the two of you suddenly gone as quickly as it had arrived. "After all," he then said. "It's not often one gets to meet an element of harmony, much less the element of magic." He then brought his attention to the mare in between the two of you. "The famous Twilight Sparkle, I presume."
Both you and Celestia remain quiet so that Twilight can respond herself, but strangely enough, she doesn't. You look down at her and notice something. The look on her face, it's not one you think you've ever seen on her before. To put it bluntly, she looks absolutely terrified.
She just stands there perfectly still, though she is clearly shaking. Her mouth his hanging open, and her eyes have shrunken down to the point where you doubt that there even are eyes there. She seems like she's trying to speak, but right now she can't say anything. It was as if she were staring at the most horrifying thing she could imagine. Risen Flag just tiled his head to the side a little, as if he was confused.
You had to admit, this confused you too, you'd never seen Twilight act like this before.
You then watch as Twilight slowly starts to lift her hoof off of the ground as if to point, but it seems like its taking all of her effort to even lift it. That, and the combination of her shaking only made it look like she was moving as slowly possible. Confused, you then look back at Risen Flag, who is just looking at her the same as he always did.
Then, suddenly, you aren't quite sure, but you think you see the world flash white for a moment. Flag doesn't move, he doesn't even blink, and neither do you or Celestia, but you think you see everything go white for a moment. You're not entirely sure if you just imagined that, but it doesn't matter, as the moment it was over, Twilight suddenly passed out and fell right on you.
Acting quickly, you turn and catch her right before she hits the ground.
"Twilight," you say to her, confused. She was sound asleep.
"Oh my," Risen Flag said as he stepped a bit closer to look at her, seemingly concerned. "Is she all right?"
"She's all right," Celestia says as she suddenly envelops Twilight in her magical glow, picks her up, and places her on her back. "She's just... been going through a really difficult time, and just needs to unwind for a while."
"I see," Risen Flag says. He steps away from you the moment you stand up. "Well, make sure she gets plenty of rest then."
"I will," Celestia says to him. "It was good seeing you Risen."
"Oh no, remember, the pleasure was all mine," Risen Flag says as he bows his head slightly again.
With that, both you and Celestia head inside. Right as you walk past Risen Flag though, out of the corner of your eye, you notice him glaring daggers at you. It was a look that practically screamed "die" in every language possible. You just put it in the back of your mind for now as you follow Celestia and her guards through the palace.
-A few twists and turns through the palace later-
Eventually, the two of you reach a large bedroom where Celestia puts Twilight Sparkle into the bed and tucks her in, again, just like how a mother would.
"Tell me when she awakens," she tells her guards as she walks back out of the room. You're just standing there at the entrance waiting for her.
"YES YOUR MAJESTY!" all the guards shout in unison as they are given their command.
She then leaves and closes the door behind her. With that done, she then heads down the hall you came from. You follow her, since you don't know what else to do right now. Twilight Sparkle is asleep and all of your friends are in Ponyville, so right now Celestia is the only thing here you can call a friend right now.
"If you'd like," Celestia says as the two of you walk through the corridors of the palace. "I can give you the grand tour." That does sound a bit interesting right now. "Or, if you'd prefer, we can go straight to my royal chambers and discuss what we came here to. Whichever works for you."
Well, this is interesting, she is giving you a choice of what you want to do.
You can either:
A.) Take a tour of the palace with Celestia as your guide.
(note: If you go with this option, you might run into some pretty neat stuff you can swipe for Lyra, also there is a pretty high change of meeting Princess Luna. Also if you pick this option, please also say where in the palace you would like them to go. This is the same as the tour of Ponyville situation basically.)
or
B.) Go straight to the audience chamber and discuss what you came here for, namely you getting home.
option a. if you meet luna accidentally slap her on her flank and with your best poker face say its a human thing.
Well option A obviously! Wouldn't want to disappoint Lyra now would you?
First take a tour of the palace first. This place looks huge and you need to know the lay of the land in case if you get lost without Celestia tagging along, or if you want to mark all the really cool looking stuff to swipe for Lyra, or if there is some monumental battle in the future that will decide the fate of this world and should it happen at this castle you'll know every square inch of the battlefield... it could happen. But before you take the tour ask where the bathroom is you have been holding it for the past 10 minutes and you feel like you are about to EXPLODE!
I choose A. And as to where we should go, ask her if there's a library, because of all the times you've been here, you could use something to read; also be wary of risen flag, something about him just seems.....not of this existence.
Dude. It's a castle. A FREAKING CASTLE. Take the tour, spend some time with the Princess, ask about her hobbies, and try some cake while you're there... if she lets you.
Also, remember Risen Flag. REMEMBER HIM. He is extremely dangerous and bears you ill-will, keep that in mind ALWAYS.
You're in a freaking Castle in a land of magical talking ponies, when are you ever going to be in this situation again? Take the tour. Try going to the royal gardens as well and ask Celestia if any of the statues are ponies turned to stone. And if you meet Luna, have her pissed off at Discord for some reason.
A: For when shit hits the fan, and it will
Take the tour and swipe some stuff if any one accuses you of being a thief call them a racist
Option A, starting with the royal Gardens. Imagine, all the opportunities to troll the Princess. Also, if it's night-time, you may well run into Luna. Gotta show some love to the Lunar Princess, after all...
Not THAT kind of love, monkey boy! Get your mind out of the gutter!
And Celestia's swaying flanks just distracted you, huh?
Option A.) Visit the throne room, the treasure vault(its guarded by a Dragon), see the Royal Jewels.
Visit the kitchens(meet God-King Chef RamSea and get insulted).
Go to the library and find a random book, read it, its a magic book(maybe by reading it you get cursed/enchanted with some hilariously inconvenient and/or useful ability).
Go to the Observatory, meet Luna.
Take the tour first, but make sure Celestia's okay with it before you take anything in order to avoid getting in trouble.
During the tour Celestia nonchalantly mentions that you're about to step on a mint condition Honus Wagner baseball card, and you carefully walk around it. She does not explain how it got there, leaving you confused and bewildered.
Option A, where during the tour you go into the kitchen where a cook thinks you're some sort of monster and tries to attack you with a spatula.
While deciding Option A, this letter suddenly appears out of nowhere...
Option A, because you deserve to be punished some more and we want to see you suffer in this world. Such is life when you're transported into a world of ponies dear Jason, you should have learned to deal with it a long time ago.
Option A. Celestia talked about the Wonderbolts and its members. You heard the name "Spitfire" emphasized, and since names somehow automatically fill in the white space and gives you a concept on the named pony's color scheme, you instantly remember that dirty poster. Apparently Celestial was suggesting something.
A) Tour the Castle
1. Do what everybody else says.
2. Somehow meet Luna.
Option A) But something in the back of your mind is nagging you about Risen Flag. For some reason, he seems very similar to a certain character in some books you once read.
Tour. Main points include: The Main Hall, Throne Room, Gardens, Library, a Bathroom, The Stained Glass Windows, and finally Princess Celestia's rooms.
You would normally make an informed decision, but right now you have urgent matters to attend to. Mainly that you need to use the bathroom really badly. Run for it, Jason! Run!
At this point, you're pretty sure that the vote is unanimous. However, there is still one thing that is getting in the way of that.
"Um, I'd like to take that tour princess, but..." you begin to say to her.
"But..." she replies as she leans in close to you, the same smiling look still on her face. Seriously, with that smile you have absolutely no idea if she's still trying to troll you or if she is being sincere.
"If I may ask. Where is the bathroom?" you finally ask her. You don't want to say anything, but you've been holding it ever since you left Ponyville, and you kind of feel like you are about to EXPLODE.
"Oh, one moment," Celestia replies. Suddenly, you see her horn light up with magic.... and then you are standing in a bathroom. Seriously, one moment you were standing out in the hallway outside of Twilight's room, and the next you were standing in a bathroom... With Celestia... who was still standing right in front of you. It only occurs to you know that you've never teleported before. It seemed kind of like blinking. Only when you opened your eyes again, you were in a new place. Other than that, it didn't really feel like anything.
Once you got over the initial shock of the fact that you just teleported, you take a moment and looked around this... rather fancy bathroom. The entire thing was marble (or at least you assumed it was) and stone as opposed to tile like you're used to back home, and with a much larger mirror and a sink meant more for ponies than for humans, which didn't surprise you in the least. What surprised you about it though, was the fact that it was gold and not porcelain.
Then you noticed the toilet, which was more or less a hole in the ground (these are ponies; not humans, remember). It was also gold. The fact that it was a hole in the ground didn't bother you at all. You've seen pony toilets before. Hell, you're living with Lyra and Bon Bon.
You look at it for a few more moments, then back at Celestia, who for some reason is still there.
"Oh, don't mind me," she says. The look on her face not changing at all. "Go right ahead." At that point, you kind of freeze. You don't have to go to the bathroom any less, but you're kind of hesitant. Seriously, with that look on her face you have no idea if she is serious or not. Perhaps that is what makes her such a good troll? After a moment of staring at her like this though, she giggles to herself slightly. "I'm just kidding," she says. "I will wait outside." And with that, you watch her head out the door and shut it with her magic, leaving you alone. For some reason, that makes you feel a little better.
One quick bathroom break later, after making sure to wash your hands of course (it only occurs to you now to question why these ponies even have hoof washers, considering they are quadrupedal, so their hooves are always touching the ground anyway), you walk outside to notice Princess Celestia waiting for you. AND NO ONE ELSE!!!
"Yeah, sure," you reply, and with that, the two of you head away to begin your tour.
The first place that the two of you go are the Canterlot Royal Gardens. Apparently, the section of the palace that Celestia had taken Twilight too was not the main one, so the two of you had to pass through it to get to the actual palace. So it seemed like a good place as any to start the tour.
You listen as Celestia tells you all about the garden. When it was first founded, where the plants came from, information about all the statues, and oddly enough, the exact time and wages of the many gardeners who take care of it. Seemed like a trivial thing to you, but hey, you're not about to tell the Princess what to say. Or are you?
"So all of these statues are ponies that you turned to stone?" you ask the princess right as she finishes explaining about another one of them. She just laughs to herself for a moment at that before she speaks again.
"Ha ha, very funny," she replies in a not at all sarcastic way before she leads you through the gardens. Out of nowhere for some reason, you look up and notice some...... thing.... floating in mid air and waving at you before he gives you the thumbs up sign and disappears. You only saw him for a second. Your first instinct is to call him a dragon, but on reflection... you're not sure. Part of you thinks that you've seen him before actually.
"And this is the palace hedge maze," Celestia says out of nowhere, bringing you out of your mental pondering as you look at the entrance to the hedge maze... only to come face to face with a hedge wall that could very well have been over ten feet tall. You couldn't see anywhere inside, you just saw the wall, and by god it was tall. "You know, I could teleport you in to the center and leave you there." She says to you as she leans in close and puts on a really toothy smile.
That.... that actually makes you kind of nervous. You've gone through enough running for your life as it is, you don't need to add a maze to it as well. You then watch Celestia giggle to herself again before walking away. Great, she just trolled you again, and she may have legitimately scared you for a moment.
You just let out a loud sigh of contempt as you walk quickly to catch up to her. Inwardly, you are thanking Zeus and the other gods that she didn't really leave you in there.
After a short walk through the gardens, the two of you finally arrive in the palace proper. As in the MAIN palace, not just the side wing where you took Twilight. As the two of you walk through the main hall, you pass by several elaborately made stain glass windows. You're guessing that each of them displayed proud moments of Equestria's history. Moments of triumph you would say. However, at least two of these windows grab you're attention more than the others.
The first was of what looked like six ponies shooting beams of some kind (you're guessing magic) at a large, dark pony that towered in the sky above them. The second was of the same six ponies doing the same thing to some kind of dragon. Upon closer inspection, it was the same dragon that you saw outside. There were a few others following these of the same ponies doing different things (sometimes with different ponies, and you saw one that was definitely Spike), but what really struck you were the specific ponies in the glass. You recognized them. Hell, you've met them.
"Aren't those..." you're about to ask before Celestia interrupts you.
"Yes," Celestia says as she walks up next to you. "That is my student Twilight Sparkle, and her friends." That, needless to say, shocked you to no end. Yeah, they were all nice ponies, but you didn't expect them to be some kind of heroes. You look closer at the glass. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, hell even Pinkie Pie are all there. This almost leaves you speechless, except that you want to know more.
"Why are they up here?" you ask.
"They are the wielders of objects of great power known as the elements of harmony." Celestia begins to explain. "Each element is a key component of the most powerful force for good in this land. The power of friendship." You're not entirely sure how friendship can actually be a power, but since this world has magic, you aren't about to ask questions. "Applejack represents the element of honesty, Rainbow Dash, the element of loyalty, Rarity is the element of generosity, Fluttershy is the element of kindness, Pinkie Pie is the element of laughter, and Twilight..." Celestia pauses for a moment at that, as if she is remembering a time long past. Not much of this makes sense to you, but that somehow does explain A LOT about their personalities. Applejack never lied to you, Rarity gave you the suit you are wearing now for nothing, Fluttershy was the kindest pony you've seen, and Pinkie Pie... well, you've got no words for her, but it does make sense to you.
"Yep, that's me," the ghost of Pinkie Pie says as she giggles to herself. You just ignore her though.
"Twilight Sparkle represents the most powerful element of them all," Celestia continued. "One that only appears when the other five are present, and the most powerful force created by the power of friendship. The element of magic." That... actually made a startling amount of sense to you as well. You've heard other ponies refer to Twilight as "the element of magic" but you had no idea what that actually meant. Hell, even Risen Flag brought it up when you saw him (something still bugs you about him). You still can't piece it quite together, but from the description Celestia gave you, she is pretty much a god.
"So, what you are saying is," you say to her. "That when honesty, loyalty, generosity, kindness, and laughter all come together, you get magic?"
"Yes," Celestia says as she nods her head. "Because friendship is magic." You have no idea why, but that kind of blows your mind a bit. You still don't understand how it works or why, but it does explain some things to you. Some... things... not everything.
"Come," Celestia then says as she trots down the hall. "There is still more to see." You stare at the windows for a moment longer, but after that moment, you turn to follow... wait. You notice that Celestia is purposefully swaying her hips with every step she is taking. You know she wasn't doing that before.
Great. Even now she is trolling you.
As you walk down the halls something in the corner of your eye catches your attention but when you turn to look it's no longer there. You mentally shrug it off as nothing but when you turn back your vision is filled with two big cyan eyes and dark blue fir, her mussle no more than a few inches away from your face. Needless to say you freak right the fuck out.
(Just to make sure we're on the same page, it's Luna and yes I did pick 'A' by the way)
The plot. It thickens. It thickens like a rich broth on a rainy night, or like PedoBears staff when he watches The Powerpuff Girls Movie. I like it.
~
A). Get a craving for apple products and make your way over to the Kitchen, with Princess Celestia, where you abruptly run into Princess Luna. Freeze dramatically when you recognize her and see she's doing the same.
"You're the pony i saw the other day!" You say, while pointing dramatically. "Thou art the one that slept with the Elements of Harmony!" Luna exclaims. "J-jason! You actually slept with the other elements.....with my most faithful student....while my sister watched?!" Celestia gasps, with a mixed look of shock, embarrassment, anger, and troll. "Wait, she's your sister? I guess that would kinda explain the similarity with the wings and the horns and-, hold on! I didn't!" You deny. "Just when I thought we had something special. And t-that i might end up being your little pony." Celestia says with a sniff. "W-what?!" You say, your face heating in a blush.
Celestia bursts out laughing and you glare at her with a scowl, while Luna just face-hoofs at her Sister's antics.
"Anyways, nothing happened. It was just a nightmare." You try again, practically shivering at the memory. "We admit that we are still quite confused as to how copulating with several lovely mares constitutes being a nightmare." Luna stated. "Perhaps Jason here is gay. That would......explain everything, actually." Celestia offered, seemingly pondered. "W-what?! I'm not gay!" You cry, which drives Celestia into hysterics again.
"And through here is the grand dining hall and kitchen," Celestia says to you as you make your way down another hall. You have to admit, this palace was a pretty nice place.
On way there however, you see something out of the corner of your eye. Something... blue. You turn to look, but when you do, it's no longer there.
'Must have been my imagination,' you think to yourself as you keep walking. Right as you turn back to look in front of you though, your vision is suddenly filled by two large, cyan eyes, dark blue, indigo fur, and another pony's muzzle less than an inch away from your face. This pony isn't princess celestia, but like her, she has both wings and a horn. Also her mane is made of space. You just stare back at her. Not moving. Not blinking. You just froze dramatically when you saw her. Why? Because you recognized her, and from the looks of it, she recognized you too.
"You're the pony I saw the other day!" you almost scream right in her face while pointing dramatically (even though you had to step back a bit to do so).
"Thou art the one that slept with the Elements of Harmony!" the indigo pony exclaims, seemingly just as shocked as you are.
"J-jason!" Celestia gasps. The look on her face a mixture of shock, embarrassment, and anger. "You actually slept with the other elements.....with my most faithful student....while my sister watched?!"
"Wait, she's your sister?" You say as you try to gauge the situation, then look back at the indigo pony. "I guess that would kinda explain the similarity with the wings and the horns and. Hold on!" you say as you get back on track "I didn't slee-!"
"Just when I thought we had something special," Celestia says before you can finish. The look of anger and shock on her face is not replaced by one that looks like... sadness. You watch her sniff for a moment, and then out of nowhere you watch a tear roll down her eye. "I though... *sniff* I though.... I thought that I might end up being your little pony!!!" she lets out as she starts crying. This is really happening, Celestia is crying right now.
"Wait, what?!" you say. You could swear you felt yourself blush, but you're not sure. You're kind of confused right now.
Then, just as quickly as she had started. Celestia stops crying, and then bursts out laughing. Your confusion stops as you finally get it. She just trolled you again, and you just walked right into that one.
You just look at Celestia with a scowl on your face while the indigo pony brings her hoof to her face. You would call it a face palm, but since they have no palms, you guess the appropriate term is face hoof.
"Oh the look on your face," Celestia says as she brings her laughter to a stop. "I wish I had a camera."
"Sister!" the indigo pony behind you says. She sounds frustrated.
"Oh, of course. Dear me, where are my manners," she says. You would answer that and say that she threw them into the deepest pit of hell, but you feel as if that is not going to accomplish anything. "Jason," Celestia says as she walks up next to the indigo pony and puts her wing around her. "This is my younger sister Luna. Princess of the night, and the one who raises the moon." That... actually kind of makes sense to you as well. You had to admit you were wondering about that. It clearly gets night here and according to Celestia, she only raises the sun. So, apparently, this pony takes care of the moon. In that strange, physics defying way she explained it to you.
"Nice to meet you," you say to Luna as you hold out a hand for her.
"Charmed," Luna politely says as she shook it. From a first glance, you could tell that she was not NEARLY as much of a troll as her sister.
"Oh, and for the record," you say as you turn back to Celestia. "Nothing happened. It was just a nightmare."
"We admit," Luna then comes back into the conversation. "That we are still quite confused as to how copulating with several lovely mares constitutes being a nightmare."
"Perhaps Jason here races on the other side of the track." Celestia say as she seemingly pondered it, though that troll smile was still on her face. "That would......explain everything, actually." Even though you had never heard that term before, you didn't have to be a genius to figure out what she meant.
"I. Am not. Gay," You say kind of angrily to Celestia. "So shut up."
"All right, whatever you say," Celestia says with that troll smile still on her face. With that, she just turns around and keeps heading down the hallway. You follow her, and oddly enough, Princess Luna comes along too. Presumable to keep Celestia from trolling you any more but hey, you aren't complaining. You're getting kind of tired of it to be honest.
"I apologize for my sister," Luna says to you as you keep walking. Turns out your instincts were right. "She can be-"
"It's okay," you say to her. "I understand." She stops talking at that. She seems... kind of nervous for some reason. You decide not to fuel it though, not with Celestia around. You think you can still see a troll smile on her face even though she is in front of her. Her hips are no longer swaying though, so that is a good thing... you guess.
Eventually, the three of you reach the dining hall, and BY THE BEARD OF ZEUS IT IS THE BIGGEST DINING HALL YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!!! Seriously, she could easily fit fifty ponies at the table here. It also looked set for some reason. If you had to guess, maybe some type of event was going to happen here soon. Maybe tonight. Or maybe it was just set because it was a royal table. Either way made sense to you.
After that, the three of you made your way from there into the royal kitchen, where some... you guess productive things were happening.
"THESE MUSHROOMS ARE SO RAW THAT ONE OF THEM JUST TOLD ME THAT THE PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE!!!" you watch a blonde maned, white coated pony scream at one of the other chefs. He then went on to yelling similar comments at several other chefs. He was so into it that he didn't even notice the three of you walking up behind him.
"AND YOU-" he screamed as he turned around to face you three. Presumably he was about to say something else, but you kind of caught him off guard.
"Jason," Celestia came in. "Meet our royal head chef Ram Sea." You don't say anything to him, and he doesn't say anything to you. He just keeps looking up at you. At you, only you and not the two princesses. Judging by the look on his face, he seems kind of terrified of you.
That would have been epic. If you hadn't in one swift and fluid motion, grab him in mid air before he hit you, used his oncoming momentum to spin him around and throw him onto the ground, and then take the spatula from his hoof and hold it to his neck. Now that was an epic move, and you have absolutely no idea how you did that.
Insane pony chef: 0
You: 1
Go you.
"RAMIREZ!!!" Ram Sea, who seems to have instantly regained his composure, screams at him. "WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!!!???"
"He's a..." the spatula chef you are still holding to the ground begins to say, but then Ram Sea cuts him off.
"Your majesty," Ram Sea begins to say in a normal speaking voice for once. "Is this creature with the two of you?"
"Why yes," Celestia says in her usual, calm, troll voice. "He is our esteemed guest." At that, Ram Sea's attention turns back to the pony on the ground. His eyes seething with rage. You just silently get off of the pony and stand back up. He just keeps laying there.
"Sir... I."
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!" Ram Sea screams at him. "NOW QUIT YOUR BITCHIN, AND GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!!!" the other chef got back and ran like a professional sprinter out of the kitchen. Nothing else interesting happened in the kitchen after that.
After all of that was over, the three of you headed for the royal library, which like the kitchen was the biggest library you've ever seen. It had everything, at least as far as books go. Randomly you pull off a book from one of the shelves and read through it. Even though its also in english, you can't make heads or tails of what its talking about.
"Oh, that's beginners guide to magic," Celestia says to you as she reads over your shoulder. "Its meant to help new and inexperienced magic users to sharpen their skills." Part of you wants to believe that that was another attempt to troll you again, but since there isn't any possible way you can do magic, you dismiss it and put the book back.
The more you look through this library though (seriously, its like a maze), your mind keeps going back to Risen Flag. You're not sure why, but something is really bothering you about him. Like he shouldn't be here, like he's some how a piece of a puzzle that doesn't at all go with the original set. It's kind of hard to describe, and the way he looked at you... You're not entirely sure what to think, but what you do know is that you should watch yourself around him. You get the feeling he dosen't like you very much.
As you head to the back of the library, you find an entire section filled with every comic book you could possibly imagine. Seriously, even though they are all pony comics and ones you've no doubt never heard of, it seems like every comic book ever published is here.
You then watch Luna walk around for a moment in this section before she takes out a book with her magic, walks over to a bean bag chair in the center of the room, and then plops down to read it. Apparently, Luna likes comic books. You notice that the title of the book she is reading is "Sandmare." Well, if that series is anything like the one you're thinking of from your world, then you can't complain in her selection.
After that, you and Celestia leave Luna to her comics and leave the library.
On the way back through the palace, you and Celestia get into a little discussion about each other. No trolling, just honest small talk.
"So, what are your hobbies?" you ask her.
"Oh me," Celestia replied, trying to seem as innocent as possible. "I enjoy teaching, playing tennis, golf, swimming, and-"
"And eating cake," you say before she can finish, a sly smile on your face. Celestia just lets out a sigh at that.
"Yes, and eating cake," she says.
Tell celestia the cake is a lie
"You know that the cake is a lie right?" You say to her out of nowhere.
"What?" she replies back, confused.
"Nothing," you say as you try to look as innocently as possible away from her. You can't help but laugh a little on the inside at that. She won't get it, ever, but you... you're inwardly laughing your ass off right now.
Eventually, the two of you reach the throne room, where Celestia climbs into her... throne you guess you can call it. It's not really a chair, more of just a place for her to sit. You just stand in front of her. Neither of you speak for several moments, and you can see the cheerful and trollestic smile slowly drop from her face as she slowly got serious. You can feel it dropping from yours as well. There was a reason you came here, and though you've been putting it off, now was time.
"All right," you say as you let out a loud sigh. "So I suppose I shou-" Before you can say anything else, Celestia holds up one of her hooves, which you take as a sign to stop talking.
"Before you say anything else," she begins. "I am terribly sorry, but no, I cannot send you home." The look on her face showed that now, she was DEFINITELY not trolling you. You can't help but feel incredibly disappointed at that. Even though you kind of expected the answer to be like that, it still didn't stop you're more pressing questions.
"Why?" you asked, to which Celestia took in a deep breath before she began explaining.
"It's not as if I can't send you back home, I can," Celestia began, looking more at the floor than you. "But I would have no idea where to send you." Okay, now you're interest is piqued for now. "You see, there are multiple worlds, or universes as it were, that are populated by humans, and I don't know which one you are from, and since most universes haven't achieved dimensional travel, I'm going to take a guess that you couldn't tell me what universe you are from even if I showed it to you." You kind of had to admit, she had you there. You had no idea how you got here, and if there are multiple worlds with humans, you wouldn't even know which one is yours. "Plus," Celestia continued. "The barriers between the worlds are not only separated by space, but time as well. So even if I knew where you were from, I wouldn't have no idea when you are from in that world's timeline as well, so there is a greater chance of me sending you far into the past or future in your world instead of what you consider the present." You're not sure if that makes any sense, but if that is the case, things did just become a bit more complicated here. "That is why we need Twilight Sparkle for this," Celestia continued. "I may not know where or when you are from in the universe, but she does. She was the one who pulled you from your universe to this one, so she is the only one right now who knows when and where you are from. Once she is awake and fully herself, then I will have her tell me where she pulled you from so I can send you back." Celestia finished, her eyes still on the ground more than you.
That, kind of made sense to you, but at the same time, only complicated things for you even more. If there were multiple worlds with humans in them, then it only made sense that Celestia wouldn't know which one is yours. You probably wouldn't know better yourself if there were multiple words of ponies (which you didn't doubt there were, but you don't want to ask right now). Still, that did mean one thing. It was a possibility that you did not want to entertain, but still, it was one that had to be addressed, and honestly, it frightened you to death.
"What if she doesn't remember?" you ask Celestia. "What if she just randomly picked a world of humans and randomly picked me without even thinking? What if she doesn't even know where I am from?" It scared you to think that, but there was a possibility that that was the case.
"That, is why we are here," Celestia answered, her mood not any better. "In the event that Twilight doesn't know where you are from, I will look into the multiverse with her to help her find it. Even if I can't tell what world you are from, she should be able to when she sees it again. It may take some time, but I'm sure we'll find it, and once we do, I'll send you back home." That made you feel a little better, but you still weren't sure how long "some time" was. You decide not to ask though, it shouldn't take that long at all, right? Right? "Is that everything you wanted to know?" Celestia then asked you. While those were the answers you were looking for, it really wasn't. There was still one other thing on her mind.
"Why did Twilight want a centaur?" you ask Celestia. At that, she looks back up straight at you, as if you just now caught her attention. "Twilight said she needed me to make a centaur, so why? My friend Lyra told me that they had no potential for magic, or something like that, I think, and that they were great warriors of some kind, but Twilight was somehow convinced that they could do magic. So why did she want one?" You're not entirely sure if Celestia can answer this, but you're at least hoping that she can shed some light on it. Celestia just stares at you for several minutes. She doesn't appear to even blink. She seems surprised by what you said, and you still wanted an answer about that.
"I was hoping that what Spike told me was just a misunderstanding," Celestia said as she took another deep breath and recomposed herself. "But, if you are saying it's true, then I suppose he didn't somehow misspeak. I am guessing that Twilight's friends will vouch for the two of you as well?" To that, you only nod. "I see." Celestia pauses for a moment to take another deep breath before she continues. "To make an incredibly long, and not exactly pleasant story short, this is not the first time in Equestria's history we have encountered your species." Before she had your curiosity, but now she has your attention. Your full attention. Hell, you're about to find out why Lyra may have known something about humans. "Long ago, so long that there aren't any ponies alive who remember it, a group of humans came into our world. Whether or not they were from the same world as you I cannot say, but that's not the issue. They discovered our world by accident, and we took them in as refugees. Over time, some of them fell in love with some of the ponies who associated with them, and well, things happened, and from them, a new race was created, the centaurs." She paused for another moment before continuing. "Eventually, they found a way home, but they didn't leave. They had come to love it here, so diplomatic relationships were established between the two worlds. To summarize what happened, the humans wanted more than we could give them and turned hostile. It was only thanks to their glorious ruler that they returned. In the end, all of the humans left our world and we never saw them again. The centaurs remained though, as they had felt they had no place in the human world, they felt like they had more of a place here, so they were allowed to stay. While they had absolutely no ability to use magic, what your friend said was true, they were great and noble warriors. Earthpony, unicorn, pegasus, there wasn't a warrior among any of them that could match the raw skill of the centaurs." She paused for another moment and looked down again, you're guessing this is the part of the story where things went south. "However, like the humans before them, they soon turned hostile. They believed in a very high concept of honor. They believed that only the strongest were meant to rule, and that death on the battlefield was the most glorious death possible. Eventually, because we turned on their human fathers, they came to believe that we were oppressing them in much the same way. Because they were stronger than us, and they knew it, they took it as a sign that they had to do the one thing they were capable of doing. They wanted power, because they believed they were stronger than us, they believed that they should be ruling over us and not the other way around. They attacked many towns and killed many ponies, regardless of whether or not they fought back. What followed was a long campaign in which every centaur was hunted down and killed, whether on the battlefield, or elsewhere." Celestia stopped talking right there.
That... was kind of a lot to take it. Centaurs once existed here, and were killed. So this is why Lyra knew about humans but no one else did, they were boogeymen to these ponies, the creatures that hid in their closet and wanted to do bad things to them. That was the impression they made on them when they left. You've always known your own race to be hostile, but this... this kind of takes the cake.
"Come," Celestia said as she got up from her throne and walked around behind it. Hesitantly, you followed her. What followed was you following her through another hallway down into the palace. It didn't look like she was taking you to any kind of dunegon, but still, there was something off about this.
"If all the humans that you knew were assholes who tried to conquer you? Why are you letting me walk around?" you ask her, it was a valid question.
"Because," Celestia said right as the two of you reached a large, vault like door at the end. A door that didn't have a key, but rather a hole in the center of it. "I know that like us, there is good in humans." And with that, Celestia leaned down, put her horn into the hole (so many ways you could read into that to troll her, but you held back), and with an application of magic, the door opened. On the other side, was what you only guessed was some kind of treasure vault. Gold, jewels, and all kinds of things lined the room, most of it in glass cases. You're not sure why, but you kind of expected this place to be guarded by a dragon. "Come," Celestia said as she led you through the treasure room. As much as you wanted too, you had to fight the urge not to swipe anything from here. You get a feeling that she would know if you did.
She eventually leads you to the end of the room where there are multiple sets of doors, you're guessing that each one was for a different phase of Equestrian history. This wasn't just a treasure vault, this was some kind of relic vault as well. Something that these ponies didn't want in museums. Celestia then put her horn in another one of the doors, and like the first one, it opened. On the other side of it, was something that shocked you more than the treasure you saw before.
You and Celestia walked into a room of no joke, f*cking human artifacts. There were clothes, weapons, books, banners, you even saw a few of these carrying a cross. Some group of people who practiced christianity maybe. One of the other items you saw was, no joke, a f*cking flintlock pistol. As much as you couldn't believe you were seeing all of this, it was the thing at the back, that got most of your attention. At the very back of the room, surrounded by what looked like a shrine of some kind, was a sword. A sword with a golden hilt that was placed in a block of stone. You felt yourself walk towards it until you were standing right in front of it. You had little doubt what it was, but at the same time, it didn't make sense to you, it was just a story.
"This," Celestia said as she walked up next to you. "This belonged to the greatest human I have ever known." You couldn't believe it, this really was Excalibur. You could say again how you didn't believe it, but that would be unnecessary. This was f*cking Excalibur, the sword of King Arthur.
Slowly, you reached out to touch it. Right before you did, you looked at Celestia, who only nodded. Because you had the go ahead, you reached forward and grabbed the handle. Right as you did though, something in the back of your mind stopped you.
"Only one character can wield this weapon. You are not channeling him."
The message came up in the back of your head where you knowingly channel the fictional characters you use. You considered for a moment switching out one of them for the one you know can use this weapon. You ponder for a moment, but then you let go. You don't need this weapon. You don't need a sword. You need to get home, what is the point of having a sword? You let your hand fall to your side and take a deep breath. You then look back up at Celestia, who only stares back at you.
No words need to be said about this. You just smile for a moment, as does she. Even a race like this can believe that there is good in all things. You spend a while looking through the human artifacts before you have to leave.
-Some time later-
"So, are you sure you don't want to stay here at the palace?" Celestia asked you as the two of you walked outside again. "It would be no trouble at all."
"I appreciate the offer but," you say right before you stop in front of the carriage that Celestia had called for you. "I still have some things I want to do in Ponyville before I go home. Plus, I still have to make up for destroying Applejack's apple stand." You and Celestia have a little laugh at that. "So yeah."
"Well, if you ever need anything," Celestia says. "Just talk to Spike, he knows how to send messages directly to me. So if you need me, don't hesitate to talk to him. Oh, and I will let you know when Twilight wakes up."
"Thanks," you say to her. "And Celestia. Thanks. Thanks for everything." You say with a smile. To which, she only smiles back, not the troll smile from before, but a genuine, kind, almost motherly smile. She then raises her right hoof and puts it on your shoulder.
"I can tell you are a good person, Jason Morgan. Really, I can." She says to you. "Even if you aren't a pony, I can still tell that you possess all the qualities of friendship."
"Thank you," you say to her one last time. After a quick moment of staring at each other, Celestia takes her hoof off of you, and you hope into the carriage. "Goodbye for now." Celestia says to you.
"Yeah, good bye, and again, thanks." you say as you take your seat in the carriage.
"Oh and by the way," Celestia says as she leans in close to you. "I cast the heat spell on you again." And with that, she puts the troll smile back on. Though, you aren't worried about this, not at all.
"No you didn't," you say back to her, to which she only laughs.
"No, no I didn't," she says as she leans back.
Then, the carriage takes off and flies out into the sky towards Ponyville. You and the princess share one last goodbye before you go, but after that, you are due to return to Ponyville.
-The amount of time it takes to fly between Canterlot and Ponyville later-
"Lyra, could you get that!?" Bon Bon shouted from her kitchen as she heard a knock at the door.
"Fine," Lyra replied with a groan. She begrudgingly walked over toward the door and opened it up.
"Hi," you say as you look down at her. It doesn't even take Lyra a second to respond.
"JASON!" Lyra screams as she jumps forward and tackles you to the ground in an epic hug. "You're back!"
"Yeah, I guess I am," you say as she gets off of you and walks in with you.
"Lyra, who is at the door?" Bon Bon says as she walks out into the living room just as you and Lyra enter. "JASON!" She shouts as she runs up and hugs you and doesn't pin you to the ground like Lyra did. "I thought you'd left for your world by now!" Bon Bon says, still kind of relieved that you aren't gone. You'd feel kind of bad too if you left them so suddenly like that.
"Yeah, that's not for a while," you say as you take a seat on the couch. "Besides, I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to either of you." With that, all of you laugh. You all laugh with joy for several moments.
"So, did you bring anything back from the palace?" Lyra eagerly asked as she leaned in close, killing the mood instantly.
"Oh nothing much," you say as you reach into your coat pocket. "Just this." At that, you pull out a fork, a fork from the large dining room in the palace.
"A fork?" Lyra replies as she levitates it over to herself.
"Oh, not just any fork," you say as you lean back and remember just where that fork came from.
-Earlier, in the kitchen-
"THIS CAKE IS SO GOOD!!!" Celestia practically shouted as you watched her take another bite of the rather exquisite cake that the chefs had baked for her. You could tell that Luna was barely tolerating this. You however, couldn't help but notice how every time she took the golden fork out of her mouth, she did it slowly, and while looking directly at you.
-Back to the present-
Both Lyra and Bon Bon had to stop for a moment to pick up their jaws when you told them that.
"So this that fork..." Bon Bon began to ask.
"Yep," you replied. You don't say anything else, you just lean back and bask in the glory that you achieved for winning the troll war. This battle goes to you.
"So," Lyra said once she got over the initial shock of the Celestia fork and returning to her former chipperness. "You know what this calls for!?" She says with an epic smile. Both you and Bon Bon just look at her.
"Do we even have any left?" you ask her.
"Are you kidding?" Lyra replies with a wave of her hoof. "For you, our favorite human, we always have some." She said with a wicked grin. You couldn't help but feel your own face match Lyra's. You then look over to Bon Bon, she's doing it as well. Well, you see no other alternative to what you must do now. They are your friends after all.
Risen Flag walked down the hallway, his eyes unwavering from the large, black door in front of him. An earthpony stallion in a suit with a nicely combed, dark brown mane and an off white coat stood waiting next to it. Clearly, he was the servant to the established senator, though something seemed frightfully off about him to Trixie, even when she talked to him with Flag near. The stallion always seemed fidgety in his black, tail-coated suit and obsessed over the cleanliness of his mane to the point that he could often be found adjusting it in a mirror. Trixie, to be perfectly honest with herself, never liked the stallion and found something to be most unsettling about him, particularly his eyes. Eyes that she found almost too similar to those of Risen.
“Good afternoon, sir,” the stallion stated as he swung the door open for Risen Flag and Trixie, and while Risen gave him a short nod of approval, Trixie ignored him completely. Yet, he stared at her, a hunger, almost lustful craze of a look burning inside those Celestia forsaken eyes of his. The stallion stepped inside of the room and closed the door behind him, ensuring that his own coattail did not catch in the door as it had earlier when he opened it for Risen that morning. The very moment the door closed, with the lock clicking into place, Risen Flag let out a horrendous howl of scream. One that seemed to shake the windows and seemed, at least to Trixie, that no pony should ever make that kind of sound.
“A human! Here in Equestria!” he shouted as he drifted towards his desk, his thrashing body swaying with each step until he came to rest at his black obsidian desk. He rested a single hoof against it as he slunk back into the leather chair, taking in the sight of his black granite tiled floors, sleek almost silvery streamlined panel walls and in his mind, admired the exquisite wine collection behind him to his left. “Ho̴w!̡” he howled, voice dropping several octaves as the wine bottles behind him exploded. Not a single bottle left whole in a matter of seconds, causing Trixie to shrink back into the corner. She watched as Risen’s eyes began to glow a vibrantly dark shade of red and his horn light up with radiant energy, almost like a fire in night. She watched in horror, but glanced perchance to see that he, the servant, stood by the door, never flinching but watching as though this scene did not faze him in the slightest, as though he witnessed this act before in another time, or perhaps even another place.
“H͜ow i̡s ͞it t͡h̡ąt͠ ́a͏f̡t̨er ̨al͏l I͘ havȩ do̧ne͏, àf́t̴e̶r̵ ͏all ͝of ̨the ͡car͟eful͏ p͡l̛a͏n͝n̴in̛g̛ ̧t҉o̶ s̨ec̴ur̛e͏ ̴my͜ p̀lac̀e̡ h͘er̡e̡ ̴th̨a̡t a̧ ҉w̧re҉t̵ch͡ed͠!” he slammed his hoof down, breaking every tile on the floor within a radius of five feet, sending black shards into the air. Several cascaded down with a quiet plink against the desk while others fired across the room, one landing in the mane of Trixie, who now began to feel tears forming in her eyes. “U͝prig͞h̛t̵ w͠al͡k̢ing ̶m͝an-ąp͠e h̴as̕ f͘o̷únd͏ h͜is̷ ̡wa̡y̸ i̛nto ̨Eq̨u̴e̛s͢tri͘a̸!͢?” he screamed, slamming his hooves once again into the floor, sending more shards into the air and shaking the entirety of the room. “W̛ȩ ͡ar̷ȩ this͘ ̀clos̀e! ͝This̵ ̧clo͞şe̛ t͜o ̛a͢c̢ţu̶a̶lly͢ oṕe͠n͠i͜n͠g̴ ̧the g̨át͝e ͡and́ ͝h͝e҉,̵ a fuckín̶g̵ h͡u̶man has s̢ho̵wn u̡p o͜n ̢our do͠o̷r̕s͞t͏ep wi̡th̛ a sḩi̵t e͠at̴įng gŕi̕n͜ on hi͠s facé!” he cried out bringing both front hooves down onto the desk, splitting it in twain and shattering itself as it cascaded down onto the floor beneath him. Trixie sobbed as she watched on in horror. Fire consumed Flag’s body, burning away that suit he wore so well, at least to her, as the glass around him melted. Pools of bubbling glass surrounded the stallion and with each howl he let out in frustration, the room seemed to bend and shake to his voice before a final flash of heat and fire that even Trixie could feel. However, what she saw before her could be described as anything but a pony, for the thing that stood in the flames possessed long, black hair, dark skin, and was bizarrely bipedal. “I͠ w̸i̧l͏l ͡wr͞a̕p͏ ̢my h҉a̧n͡ds̷ ̧a̸róund h̢is͏ ̷ţh͢r̢oat̵ ̷an͏d͢ ͟s҉t͟r̕ang͘le͜ ͞hi͠m̀ u̢ntil̕ hi̸s͢ ̀ey̷es̛ b̀ul͠g͘e f̷ro͢m̸ ̛th͢ei̸r ͟so͏ck͝e͝ts̡, a͜nd͝ ̸t͜he͘n҉ ͜I̴ s̡hall͘ ̢c̕r̴ush̕ h͝is̵ sk̕u͘l͟ĺ!” he said, thrusting his forearms in the flame and clenching his fists repeatedly as he raged. “Ánd then I wil̛l̕ ̕p̸o͝u̷n̡d́ ͡t͠he ̡r̡èmáin̡i̢ng̷ ̴bits̀ o̴f̵ his ͢br͠ai͞n̶ into̵ ͘th͠e̴ ҉f̀l͘oo̵r ͝as̴ I̵ ͞la̶u̸gh and of͝f̡er͡ ̀hi̴m up̨ ás͘ a sa̛c̶ri̧f͟ic̵e to͜ brin͠g ́fo҉rth m͝y ́F̢ath̡er!̢!!” he howled, raising his arms high into the air while the floor shook and several tiles and ceiling panels came loose, falling about the room.
“Stop it!” Trixie cried out through her tears and the fear coursing throughout her body, her mane falling about her face as she finally found the strength to stand and face Risen Flag. At her words, the creature in the flames fell forward and emerged from the now dying flames, the heat subsiding as the stallion stepped forward, his suit reforming with each delicate step he took towards the sobbing Trixie, who now wiped away her tears. As he walked closer, his horn glowed brightly with magic as the whole of room repaired itself and just simply embraced Trixie with a kind and gentle hoof. “Please stop it. Please, Risen, please,” she sobbed. All the while the room removed any evidence of the rampage that took place mere moments earlier as he leaned in closer, strengthening his embrace.
“It’s okay, Trixie. It’s all over now,” Risen said to her as the last pieces of the destruction replaced themselves, including a single shard of black tile that lifted itself from her mane and quietly migrated to its original position by the desk. “Everything’s fine, Trixie,” he soothed as he used his magic to fix-up her mane and the makeup around her eyes before placing a single hoof under her chin and tilting her face up towards his. In an instant, he quickly planted a kiss on her lips for just a moment before pulling away to watch as the blush rose on her cheeks. “Feeling better, my pet?” he asked, eliciting a soft, almost cooing moan from Trixie as she raised herself from the floor to her unstable hooves.
“Yes, Master Flag,” she moaned, nuzzling him as Risen Flag looked to the stallion at the door, who seemed rather disgusted by this act and merely rolled his eyes, all the while keeping to his post. Risen cast a look to the servant, motioning him to open a door directly behind him when three guards rushed into the room, spears raised.
“Is everything all right, Mister Flag?” the lead guard asked as the door swung shut behind him, the other two observing the relatively quiet and uneventful surroundings that the rest of the office had to offer. “We heard screaming and what sounded like fighting in your office but moments ago,” he continued, looking Flag square in the eyes as the senator merely smiled before stepping away from the guard, his back turned.
“You can cut the act, Chrysalis,” he stated, walking towards the recently opened doors. “You and your other changelings that you brought with you.” The guard pony laughed as the white fur and grey mane of the senior officer stallion burned away to reveal the sea-green wings, teal mane and chitin skin of the queen of the changelings.
“You’re good, Risen. You’re really good,” she chuckled as her two companions followed suit, leaving behind their disguises for more appropriate bodies. “Even those fools downstairs are convinced that we are the real guards and didn’t just devour their love before hiding the bodies,” she added, laughing all the while Risen Flag walked into the large room before them. Much like the office space of the senator, the meeting room possessed the same silver walls with the black tile flooring, except that at its center of this room was a large oaken table with a total of eight chairs surrounding it, each one with the senator’s symbol stitched into the back rest.
“Send the other two off to their proper stations, we are having a meeting,” Flag stated as he took a seat at the head of the table while Trixie took a seat to his right and Chrysalis, following the dismissal of her two companions, trotted over and took a seat to his left. Flag then raised a single hoof and tapped the surface of the table four times, at which point the doors swung shut and locked themselves and the table’s surface began to illuminate. The servant took a seat next to Chrysalis, a look of disgust on his face as he took his seat and adjusting his suit once he finally settled into the chair.
Across from Flag, a balloon floated down from the ceiling until the string touched the seat of the chair, at which point the balloon popped and a pony fell down from it into said seat. The pony wore white face make-up and possessed a curly, candy-red colored mane arranged on either side of his head, but with none atop it between his ears. His clothes consisted of a yellow jumpsuit with frilled cuffs above each hoof and three red, fuzzy-balls located along the underside of the jumpsuit. However, the most disturbing aspect of the pony was the red ball nose atop his snout and the almost cat-like, toothy grin that spread across his face when he smiled at the other members of the group.
From the shadows, a tall, completely hairless stallion wearing a black formal suit and tie stepped forth, his steps making no noise on the tiled floor, and seemed erratic as though he did not step forward at all. To the trained eye, it appeared as through this dapper gentlepony merely teleported inches forward at a time, rather than actually walking. He took a seat next to Trixie, but he did not speak, smile or even cast a single glance towards the other members assembled at the table before him, as it was rather difficult to do these things when a pony lacks a face.
Lastly, stepping forth from the shadows at the same time was a stallion wearing regal armor and possessed a flowing black mane that seemed to almost pull the shadows with him as he walked forward into the light. His eyes looked glassy and vacant, as though there existed no life behind them, and his steps seemed unnaturally slow, even for a pony wearing regal armor. The red unicorn horn atop his head possessed a single crack that ran along its entire length, and he smiled with a sharp-toothed grin. He took a seat next to the faceless pony as Risen Flag stood up from his seat to address the assembled ponies before him, examining each member of the group with great consideration.
“Thank you all for coming on such short notice, my fellow members of the Plush,” Risen Flag began. “Those of us who have made it are all present and accounted for,” he added, looking around the conference room table, a rather dour expression on his face. “Trixie,” he said turning to the mare on his right, “Chrysalis,” he said, looking to the changeling queen, “Joseph Curwen,” he stated as the butler subtly bowed his head, “Sombra,” the stallion said as the creature merely moaned in response, “Slenderpony,” and the faceless being merely nodded in reply, “and lastly, Haypennywise,” he concluded as the clown merely grinned back to the leader of the meeting. Flag stepped away from the table and slowly walked around it, his head held high as he addressed them all. “As you know, our plans of infiltrating the Equestrian Government are proceeding according to schedule without the slightest hitch, except for the soul of our newly resurrected compatriot warning the Element of Magic of our plan.” he paused for second, “Sort of. However, she is not a problem as long as the empty-headed troll of a god- princess these equines call a leader keeps her calm. We should have little to nothing to worry about as far as she and the others are concerned. I have had our dear Slenderpony gather intelligence on the so-called ‘Elements of Harmony Bearers’ that many of you have actively reminded me of and in some cases, actually met. The Element of Magic, as told by Slenderpony to myself, is an insane, obsessive-compulsive whore, while the Element of Laughter is a gluttonous sweet eater and potential sex fiend. The Element of Loyalty is a loud mouth and oft-inconsiderate pony with a penchant for voyeurism. The Element of Honesty is quite possibly the closest thing to normal with possible feelings for the Element of Loyalty. The Element of Kindness is a softhearted animal lover, while at the same time is a ravenous bloodthirsty fiend with a possible addiction to fornication, and lastly, the Element of Generosity is a whore.” He stopped for a second as Trixie emitted a giggle while Curwen merely looked at her and rolled his eyes at her droll sense of humor and amusement. “Nevertheless, these six sexual deviants and their associates, of which none are of concern, are not a problem and pose little threat to us. The problem is the human being that somehow happened to stumble into this world and is now freely associating himself with the Elements of Harmony.”
“A human?” Chrysalis asked. “In Equestria, but that’s impossible. They only exist in fairy tales and cheaply written children’s stories that take place in high school settings with little grasp of canon character development whatsoever.” The Plush all looked over at her, and even drew a rather confused expression from Risen Flag, who stopped walking all together, and now gave her a look that forced her to look away. “I read Esquire, so shut up,” she quickly said in defense as Risen Flag murmured the phrase, ‘okay then,’ before resuming walking around the table.
“I can assure you that humans do exist. After all, this is not the first one I have encountered in my travels and believe me, they are a threat, a real one at that.”
“Though you must admit, they are rather exquisite tasting,” Haypennywise spoke up, drawing concerned looks from everypony at the table save Joseph Curwen and Risen Flag, and even elicited a groan of disgust from Trixie. “I’m just stating the obvious, since nopony else was going to,” he continued before Flag interjected and proceeded on with his speech.
“Regardless of whether or not the consumption of their flesh is delicious or otherwise, we still have the problem of dealing with the human being first and foremost,” Risen Flag continued pausing momentarily back at his chair. He then placed both front hooves on the back of his chair and let out a sigh. “Out of all of the creatures in the known cosmos, the human is one of the most dangerous of them all, and is the only creature here that poses a threat to myself as well as the rest of you.”
“How can we be sure of this?” Trixie stated, “I mean, after all, there is only one of them in Equestria, right and I guess what I am trying to say is that perhaps our efforts are best placed elsewhere for now. I mean, what is the point of going after one human, that is what you are going to...” she started as Flag rubbed the bridge of his snout and winced his eyes a bit as though in pain of sorts.
“If you are done with your rambling, Miss Lulamoon, I would appreciate if you let the knowledgeable speak on this matter and not the undereducated,” Risen Flag stated rather coldly, causing Trixie to shrink back into her chair while the others just stared on, looking to their leader. “In my own time, I saw three of these creatures storm into a backwater town and murder a helpless creature in the process of trying to bring forth its own kind from across the rift to rid the planet of the wretched upright ape-men.” His horn then came alit and he drew a glass of water to his lips, taking a lengthy drink and then set the glass back down onto the table behind him next to a pitcher of water. “These creatures are dangerous, and if one has made it, there is no telling the threat he poses not just to me but to all of us and everything that you want. My fellow members of the Plush, if there is nothing done about this human in Equestria, then everything that we are moving towards will be in vain, which brings me to my point.” He paused and looked back towards the members of the Plush as each of them began murmuring amongst themselves, trying to find some answer that was not there, except for the obvious one that none of them wanted to address.
“If we don’t do something, I won’t get my love,” Chrysalis sadly whispered under her breath, looking at the others with a striking amount of worry and panic in her eyes.
“My body back,” Curwen spoke at last, expressing genuine concern over this human problem and looked away from his master as he seemed to be in deep thought.
“My wish,” Trixie said, causing Curwen to look back at her and cast her a look of utter disgust at her simple desire for some petty wish.
“Our solution is one of the most simple we can afford right now, and that is to kill the human,” Risen Flag said almost flatly before looking down the table at the members of the Plush, not a single gaze reading of shock or horror at the prospect. “Ordinarily, we would take longer precautions and a story to surround the human with before we destroy him, but we cannot afford credibility when killing him. That brings me to the next point. Which is how we carry out the deed of murdering the human before he can do any harm to us.”
“I volunteer,” Chrysalis said, standing up from her chair and raising her hoof high into the air.
“No, you cannot take this task Chrysalis. I have already chosen the perfect pony for the job,” he replied as he cast his gaze down the table to the clown sitting with his back hooves propped up on the table, an evil grin spread about his face.
“It would be an honor to kill this human,” Haypennywise chuckled, “and with your permission, I would like to indulge myself in the eating of his body once it do.”
“You could fuck it for all I care, just make sure that the creature is dead,” Risen Flag said before a grin spread across his face. “In fact, bring me his head, arranged with his genitalia placed inside of his mouth with his eyes gouged out served on a silver platter and a fine chardonnay on the side.” Trixie, who had kept her calm for the most part of the meeting, found herself on the verge of vomiting at Flag’s suggestion of what to do with the head.
“Consider it done,” Haypennywise said before vanishing altogether from the room, leaving behind only a simple red balloon floating in his chair.
“And with that, mentlegen, I conclude this meeting,” Risen Flag concluded and with those words, Slenderpony and Sombra faded nigh instantaneously into the dark from whence they came. “Slenderpony,” Flag said before either of them disappeared completely. Slenderpony faded back into the room at Flag’s words. “I have another task for you,” Flag said as he turned away from his chair. Slenderpony just silently stared back at him. “Watch the skies.” With his command received, Slenderpony merely nodded as he faded back into the shadows.
The remaining ponies walked from the room back into the office of the senator, with Chrysalis turning towards the door to leave and Joseph Curwen returning to his post as the servant of Risen Flag. “Chrysalis, I do have an assignment for you,” Flag stated upon reaching his desk. Using his magic, he levitated a file from within a drawer to the queen’s face. She, upon seeing it, opened the file and held aloft a photographs of certain pony. “That is why I could not let you go to kill the human. I need you to do something for me,” Flag said, walking towards the queen, an air of confidence about him that seemed almost unnatural for a pony.
“You want me to kill her, Master Flag,” she asked, a sly smile spread across her face as the stallion senator stood beside her and looked on at the photos.
“No, no, not yet anyway,” he began, “I need you to have one of you best changelings impersonate her and commit some rather foul acts in the name of a political insurrection against the will and good nature of Celestia.” He laughed a bit and looked on at the photo, and then to Chrysalis, who seemed to have something on her mind. “Is something the matter, my sweet?” he asked, his lips nearly touching her ear as he very much whispered that last word into it, eliciting a pleasurable moan from the changeling queen.
“N...n...no my Master, it’s just that, this mare may be a bit d...di...” she seemed to lull off into some pleasurable state of bliss until Flag bit her ear, “Difficult.”
“How so, my bon-bon,” he cooed, licking his way down to her mouth before planting a solid kiss upon her lips and, although Trixie who’s face burned with envious rage could not see it, was forcing his tongue into the Queen of Changelings mouth. Eventually, Risen Flag pulled away and looked her into the eyes before stating, “Now speak coherently, or else I will have to punish you.”
“This mare’s eyes may make it difficult to see, given their condition and odd placement,” she moaned, her legs quivering with each word as the stallion walked back to his desk.
“I don’t care, just make it happen,” he said as he took a seat in his chair. Trixie, still standing by the chair, her face red with anger and envy as the queen bowed her head before leaving the room. “Oh, and Chrysalis.” Flag addressed her before she left the room.
“Yes,” Chrysalis replied as she eagerly turned to face him again.
"I want you to have two other changelings monitor the Element of Magic, Miss Sparkle," he said to her, pushing several other files to the side and placing a peculiar piece of parchment into the desk drawer. "She may pose no threat to us now, but there is no guarantee of that once she speaks with the Princess. Watch her and if she gets a bit too," he paused for a moment as though searching for the word, "meddling, yes that's it, then deal with her any way you see fit."
“As you wish, Master Flag,” Chrysalis replied before she turned back and continued out the door.
“I know that you are jealous, Trixie, and know that you shouldn’t be,” Flag said to her, all the while staring towards the door that Curwen stood by, watching Chrysalis leave and change into a guard once more.
“And why is that?” Trixie huffed before suddenly being enveloped in a field of red magic and levitated to the desk in front of Risen Flag, where she plopped down. Within seconds, the senator kissed her furiously with such force as to shock Trixie until she could feel herself lulling into a state of unknown pleasure. He continued, forcing his tongue into her mouth as he kissed her harder than before, nearly causing her to lose her breath until he pulled away and watched as a single strand of drool dripped from her lips. Suddenly, the magic took hold of her clothes, tore them free from her as she let out another moan of pleasure and watched as Risen Flag began to kiss down her neck and body.
“Curwen, ensure that I am not bothered for the next six hours,” he stated to the door stallion, who bowed and then proceeded to close the door behind him as he stepped out into the hallway. Flag then continued to kiss down Trixie’s body as she cried out in pleasure before he came back up to kiss her on the mouth and looked her deep into her eyes, a rage of passion burning in his to equally match the lust of hers. “I am going to fuck you into immortality.”
-Meanwhile-
Outside of Las Pegasus in the Neighvada desert stood a series of large warehouse buildings and aircraft hangers, filled with various crates and boxes as ponies milled about between them. Some ponies were charged with moving the crates to the neighboring hanger where they were to be sorted while others took the contents into the larger warehouses where they were put to proper use. Along the side of the largest warehouse hung a sign, painted, or rather printed, to read with the company logo and name. The logo was a raven raising its steel-like wings into a red sun while the name was printed in a simple white font. Inside the building, rows upon rows upon rows of mares and stallions worked at assembling the latest and greatest in their company’s proud product, a new item sure to bring ‘Equestria into the Modern Age’ as the CEO stated at the opening of the factory. The product would then be packaged into specifically labeled boxes before being placed on a cart and taken to the newly built airport to be shipped to the purchaser wherever he or she was.
Inside one of the warehouses sat three ponies, each eating daffodil sandwiches for lunch while sharing a few cups of coffee between them. Well, as the least the two stallions. The mare on the other hoof, simply stared towards the wall behind them, lazily eating her sandwich with slow, nearly cautious bites. Her eyes never once leaving the wall.
“Hey, what’s up with the oddball over there, just staring at the wall like that?” the Pegasus asked the earth pony as he finished his sixth cup of coffee.
“I’m not sure,” a deeper and more rough voice replied, “I heard that she was just released from a hospital of some-kind, like one of those mental hospitals I’ve heard of.”
“Probably best to just leave her alone then,” the Pegasus said as he glanced towards the clock on the wall and then encouraged his friend that they should return to their shift, seeing as their break was over.
However, the mare just sat their staring at the wall as though it meant something to the blue pony with a screw cutie-mark and grey frizzled mane, though the hardhat obscured most of it. She stared up at the wall, at the painting of the CEO that looked out over the workers as they stood in the assembly lines building their company’s products in the air-conditioned factory floor.
“Hey, Screwloose, it’s time to get back to work,” a foreman stated as he walked up to her, but she just continued staring at the wall, and at the painting of the brown coated stallion in the dark suit with the slicked back black mane and smile spread across his face. The earth pony stood up from her place and looked once more at the painting and its placard displaying ‘Risen Flag, Corporate Executive Officer of Flag Industrial Works’ before returning to her station to finish the assembly of the latest rifle, sidearm and ammunition that served as the company’s product.
“My life for you,” she said before walking away to her station and humming the words: “Bumpity, bumpity, bumpity,” to herself.
.
It's pistachio time!
Thanks, Mokuba. As always you've been a big help.
DGING COVER!
That would just get her mad.
, but Lyra and Bon Bon is also sensible.
nothing weird happened just going to pretend she was
I mean, this is the ruler of equestria, All pony kind, and the mare who tried to rape you.
