- Member Since 20th Aug, 2021
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
False Door
If you like feeling awful, you've come to the right place.
False Door
Joined 20th Aug, 2021 ·
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Welp, that was pretty fuckin’ sad. . . but no less well written for it! An interesting twist on a similarly interesting concept! Kudos!
Doctor Whooves is not that ignorant. He would have a failsafe where if the device was broken, it would immediately end its effects.
That said, a good story.
Not bad. Not bad at all.
I would like to see more of aftermath.
Add more chapters of the aftermath Please
My favorite chapter was 1:48 P.M.
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Thanks! It's nice to know that it fits in with the rest of my stuff.
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Arguably it has a natural failsafe in the lifespan of the user though it's not a nice one, at least you can't actually break the universe forever and no one else will be adversely affected by the stop. Also if Whooves was the user, he'd probbably just fix it. Really, his biggest mistake was trusting Big Mac.
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I actually might. One of the hardest parts of writing a story where the MC has all the time to do anything is knowing when to stop, because the possibilities are endless. But the aftermath feels like a necessary payoff to the setup. I should also address the obvious conclusion of a Ponyville baby boom.
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Yes please.
My body is ready.
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Doesn't work in the case of a effectively immortal user like any of the alicorns but presumably any of them would be able to fix it eventually. big mac presumably wouldn't be able to repair it even if he had dedicated the rest of his life to trying to fix it.
It's surprising that none of his actions caused any notable injuries, like many of the others I think the aftermath could be extended, obviously they are going to find he sired a lot of foals, not everyone due to cycles but assuming the entire town isn't synced there will still be a lot.
It was also surprising that he never attempted to fix it or tried to see if it could still be clicked while broken.
Which I would assume would probably have still worked if he did because it seems more like it was enchanted to have that effect rather than it actually doing anything itself, especially as the effect continued after it was broken.
I was expecting that to be the twist ending that he could have gotten out of it at any time, it still could be.
Poor Mac.
This is fuckin' amazing. I love it so much.
I think this story has a lot of potential, but it feels rushed. Mac goes from generally decent guy to sexual assault in what feels like the blink of an eye. I don't question that someone stuck in Big Mac's situation could lose their moral compass, but I feel like it would take a lot longer. The story wasn't bad, but I think it would have been better, and felt less rushed, if we got to see more of Mac's internal struggle before he finally gives in and abandons his morals.
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I kind of agree. The way I justified his rapid decent in my head though was that his brain and hooves were always occupied with work so he never even had the opportunity to act out. He was always on the straight and narrow by necessity instead of conscious moral choice. Now that the treadmill is broken, he suddenly discovers who he really is and that he never developed the ability to self moderate because he was always told what to do his whole life.
i notice the gore tag like how bad?
This reminded me of that one Simpson's episode with Bart and Milhouse.
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Gore? There's no gore in the story. Violence and gore were the only tags I DIDN'T include.
Good story, we need way more time stop rape stories here ^^
Damn. Most interesting,
This was a cool story! And kinda sad at the same time.
Well, this is an intriguing premise for a clop fic. And it is certainly better written than most. I'm eager to see more.
Also, poor Big Mac. I empathize with the guy. Pulling back-to-back shifts without a break? I've had to do that a few times over the years, and it's never a pleasant experience.
Yeah, honestly pretty believable for this to happen. A bit unbelievable that it happened so quickly. I would have expected it to take a little longer for him to snap. But eh, not a real problem.
Oof, there's the breakdown.
Also, nice.
Once again, oof. He's not doing so well mentally, is he? Not a surprise. Almost complete sensory deprivation alongside the loneliness...
Once again, nice.
Yikes, you sure aren't pulling any punches, are ya? Didn't think there would be this much philosophy in a clop fic... Also, looks like Rainbow called in a raincheck.
I'm going to agree with the others, this has been a good read. Sad and horrifying, yes, but still very well written.
Also, I'm going to guess that he "cleaned up" before the end, due to how no one is exclaiming about all the cum... just everywhere.
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Believe it or not, I was planing on putting that possibility to bed early after the accident but I couldn't decide how best to establish that revelation so I skipped over it and then forgot about it.
I also had several possible endings to the story including Mac living a full life, dying of old age and his old withered body being found and Mac falling to his death climbing a giant tower that he built to reach Rainbow Dash The latter one I still like a lot for its classical story value of hubris being your downfall like the Tower of Babel or Icarus flying too close to the sun. Thought it would be funny to add an air of cautionary intellectualism to such a crass tale. Surprisingly though the 'you were never trapped' ending never occurred to me. That's a good one.
How dark and amazing. This remind me of a train I used to write. Keep on writing amazing sexy stories like these if I will come a fan.
That was disgusting and morose, and my brain ended it by singing mother mother, it started in the hayloft....
i'm not sure if it would have made it more interesting or less if he could temporarily pull his victims into his time space so they would be aware of what he was doing it while he was, but as soon as he let go theyed 'snap' back to the moment he started with them, makeing it so efectivly he couldnt actualy cause any lasting effect to anything, everything would just reset completly as he went...his existance free of limit but void of purpose even more so then the story already puts forward...at least as it currently sits he could alter things and after the freeze ended there would be evidence of what he had done...but imagine if he did all that and when it was all over nobody ever knew...they just found him dead and there was nothing to tell his story, no way ot know how he had gone from being young and vital to a shrivled up mummy someone found in the barn seemingly within the span of however long since the last pony saw him before it happend.
It's like that twilight zone episode. Really cool concept man.
I think this deserves a horror tag! That's awful! Well done, but horrible!
Oh boy, another time-stop story.
A rather grimdark one, but still enjoyable.
I feel like he probably could have figured a way out of it eventually if he was persistent, but oh well.
I was hoping he would screw the princesses.
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Ah, yes. 'Time Enough at Last.'
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Me too but he was just too lazy...
Damn. Hope a friendship didn't just end.
Honestly, i'd probably do a lot of the same things in Mac's Horeshoes. Especially if i knew that my death would restart the Universe. 'Whelp, i fucked everything up so...might as well have a little fun and go out with a bang'.
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I added an epilogue chapter depicting the less immediate ramifications. Guaranteed to make you feel even worse but in a good way... For whoever's interested... I know at least two of you are.
Couldn't Twilight go for broke and test any of the other Apples. Everyone being genetically similar to the Apples would probably narrow it down to the only male Apple.
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Or just... NOT ask, but ultimately there's probably no way to avoid having a very hurtful confrontation in the end.
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I randomly opened this again and saw the new chapter. I like that ending a lot, although I liked the first one a lot too.
Of all the ways for the world to end, definitely the best way
Jeez, that escalated pretty quickly.
Went from "Oh no, now I'll never be able to confess my feelings," to "Time to fuck her face," in three seconds.
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Clearly that was the feeling he wanted to confess. I mean isn't that all "I love you" really means? Truly?
Well that put even more flavor to the story. Thank you very much.
The easy out would have been to suggest that Mac's death wasn't necessarily suicide, but could be something more sinister.
Sadly Twilight is not good at thinking on her hooves in this one.
This was an interesting jaunt into an impossible but still pretty terrifying scenario. Being stuck outside of the flow of time would undoubtably end the way Mac's life ended. I actually appreciate the epilogue, but it does leave some questions unanswered. Honestly my biggest question is why Applejack upon finding her brother didnt wonder why he probably looked 30-40 pounds fatter than he did when he left that morning. However, if the intent was a concept you had that needed to be written I get that too. Lord knows I've done the same thing. Anyway this was an interesting dive into a rarely used plot device. Great job!
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Thanks! I think Applejack at some level is probably aware that the circumstances are strange and suspicious for her brother and she's in denial about his culpability and terrified of finding out the truth. If that's how you read it, it makes that very last part of the story with Apple Bloom a real gut punch.
BAHAHAHA!!!! NOOOO!!!! i can not breath! The audience watched in silent wonder as the magician received her great and powerful pounding.
😳