Big Mac tries to acquire a bit of free time. After a temporal mishap, he finds the whole universe permanently frozen around him. With no purpose in life or consequences for bad behavior, he quickly becomes a lazy glutton and deviant sex addict.
Arguably it has a natural failsafe in the lifespan of the user though it's not a nice one, at least you can't actually break the universe forever and no one else will be adversely affected by the stop. Also if Whooves was the user, he'd probbably just fix it. Really, his biggest mistake was trusting Big Mac.
I actually might. One of the hardest parts of writing a story where the MC has all the time to do anything is knowing when to stop, because the possibilities are endless. But the aftermath feels like a necessary payoff to the setup. I should also address the obvious conclusion of a Ponyville baby boom.
Arguably it has a natural failsafe in the lifespan of the user
Doesn't work in the case of a effectively immortal user like any of the alicorns but presumably any of them would be able to fix it eventually. big mac presumably wouldn't be able to repair it even if he had dedicated the rest of his life to trying to fix it.
It's surprising that none of his actions caused any notable injuries, like many of the others I think the aftermath could be extended, obviously they are going to find he sired a lot of foals, not everyone due to cycles but assuming the entire town isn't synced there will still be a lot.
It was also surprising that he never attempted to fix it or tried to see if it could still be clicked while broken. Which I would assume would probably have still worked if he did because it seems more like it was enchanted to have that effect rather than it actually doing anything itself, especially as the effect continued after it was broken.
I was expecting that to be the twist ending that he could have gotten out of it at any time, it still could be.
I think this story has a lot of potential, but it feels rushed. Mac goes from generally decent guy to sexual assault in what feels like the blink of an eye. I don't question that someone stuck in Big Mac's situation could lose their moral compass, but I feel like it would take a lot longer. The story wasn't bad, but I think it would have been better, and felt less rushed, if we got to see more of Mac's internal struggle before he finally gives in and abandons his morals.
I kind of agree. The way I justified his rapid decent in my head though was that his brain and hooves were always occupied with work so he never even had the opportunity to act out. He was always on the straight and narrow by necessity instead of conscious moral choice. Now that the treadmill is broken, he suddenly discovers who he really is and that he never developed the ability to self moderate because he was always told what to do his whole life.
It was also surprising that he never attempted to fix it or tried to see if it could still be clicked while broken.
Believe it or not, I was planing on putting that possibility to bed early after the accident but I couldn't decide how best to establish that revelation so I skipped over it and then forgot about it. I also had several possible endings to the story including Mac living a full life, dying of old age and his old withered body being found and Mac falling to his death climbing a giant tower that he built to reach Rainbow Dash The latter one I still like a lot for its classical story value of hubris being your downfall like the Tower of Babel or Icarus flying too close to the sun. Thought it would be funny to add an air of cautionary intellectualism to such a crass tale. Surprisingly though the 'you were never trapped' ending never occurred to me. That's a good one.
i'm not sure if it would have made it more interesting or less if he could temporarily pull his victims into his time space so they would be aware of what he was doing it while he was, but as soon as he let go theyed 'snap' back to the moment he started with them, makeing it so efectivly he couldnt actualy cause any lasting effect to anything, everything would just reset completly as he went...his existance free of limit but void of purpose even more so then the story already puts forward...at least as it currently sits he could alter things and after the freeze ended there would be evidence of what he had done...but imagine if he did all that and when it was all over nobody ever knew...they just found him dead and there was nothing to tell his story, no way ot know how he had gone from being young and vital to a shrivled up mummy someone found in the barn seemingly within the span of however long since the last pony saw him before it happend.
Oh boy, another time-stop story. A rather grimdark one, but still enjoyable. I feel like he probably could have figured a way out of it eventually if he was persistent, but oh well.
The songbirds twittered out of time as Fluttershy hacked and wheezed. "I'm… *cough* sorry, little birds but something just got caught in my throat I guess... Tastes a lot like semen," she added quietly.
The songbirds twittered out of time as Fluttershy hacked and wheezed. "I'm… *cough* sorry, little birds but something just got caught in my throat I guess... Tastes a lot like semen," she added quietly.
How would she know the taste of... never mind.
“No, Derpy,” sighed Roseluck. Derpy blinked in amazement as the whole post office materialized before her. “You just had a mailbag stuck on your head.”
11173225 Interesting note on Derpy, Big Mac wouldn't need to cover her face unless he moved her around to face him but he didn't. He probably came into the post office looking for mares but couldn't engage any of them with Derpy's weird stare from behind the counter.
Welp, that was pretty fuckin’ sad. . . but no less well written for it! An interesting twist on a similarly interesting concept! Kudos!
Doctor Whooves is not that ignorant. He would have a failsafe where if the device was broken, it would immediately end its effects.
That said, a good story.
Not bad. Not bad at all.
I would like to see more of aftermath.
Add more chapters of the aftermath Please
My favorite chapter was 1:48 P.M.
11169924
Thanks! It's nice to know that it fits in with the rest of my stuff.
11169997
Arguably it has a natural failsafe in the lifespan of the user though it's not a nice one, at least you can't actually break the universe forever and no one else will be adversely affected by the stop. Also if Whooves was the user, he'd probbably just fix it. Really, his biggest mistake was trusting Big Mac.
11170021
11170132
I actually might. One of the hardest parts of writing a story where the MC has all the time to do anything is knowing when to stop, because the possibilities are endless. But the aftermath feels like a necessary payoff to the setup. I should also address the obvious conclusion of a Ponyville baby boom.
11170260
Yes please.
My body is ready.
11170249
Doesn't work in the case of a effectively immortal user like any of the alicorns but presumably any of them would be able to fix it eventually. big mac presumably wouldn't be able to repair it even if he had dedicated the rest of his life to trying to fix it.
It's surprising that none of his actions caused any notable injuries, like many of the others I think the aftermath could be extended, obviously they are going to find he sired a lot of foals, not everyone due to cycles but assuming the entire town isn't synced there will still be a lot.
It was also surprising that he never attempted to fix it or tried to see if it could still be clicked while broken.
Which I would assume would probably have still worked if he did because it seems more like it was enchanted to have that effect rather than it actually doing anything itself, especially as the effect continued after it was broken.
I was expecting that to be the twist ending that he could have gotten out of it at any time, it still could be.
This is fuckin' amazing. I love it so much.
I think this story has a lot of potential, but it feels rushed. Mac goes from generally decent guy to sexual assault in what feels like the blink of an eye. I don't question that someone stuck in Big Mac's situation could lose their moral compass, but I feel like it would take a lot longer. The story wasn't bad, but I think it would have been better, and felt less rushed, if we got to see more of Mac's internal struggle before he finally gives in and abandons his morals.
11170477
I kind of agree. The way I justified his rapid decent in my head though was that his brain and hooves were always occupied with work so he never even had the opportunity to act out. He was always on the straight and narrow by necessity instead of conscious moral choice. Now that the treadmill is broken, he suddenly discovers who he really is and that he never developed the ability to self moderate because he was always told what to do his whole life.
i notice the gore tag like how bad?
This reminded me of that one Simpson's episode with Bart and Milhouse.
11170527
Gore? There's no gore in the story. Violence and gore were the only tags I DIDN'T include.
Good story, we need way more time stop rape stories here ^^
Damn. Most interesting,
This was a cool story! And kinda sad at the same time.
I'm going to agree with the others, this has been a good read. Sad and horrifying, yes, but still very well written.
Also, I'm going to guess that he "cleaned up" before the end, due to how no one is exclaiming about all the cum... just everywhere.
11170281
Believe it or not, I was planing on putting that possibility to bed early after the accident but I couldn't decide how best to establish that revelation so I skipped over it and then forgot about it. I also had several possible endings to the story including Mac living a full life, dying of old age and his old withered body being found and Mac falling to his death climbing a giant tower that he built to reach Rainbow Dash The latter one I still like a lot for its classical story value of hubris being your downfall like the Tower of Babel or Icarus flying too close to the sun. Thought it would be funny to add an air of cautionary intellectualism to such a crass tale. Surprisingly though the 'you were never trapped' ending never occurred to me. That's a good one.
How dark and amazing. This remind me of a train I used to write. Keep on writing amazing sexy stories like these if I will come a fan.
That was disgusting and morose, and my brain ended it by singing mother mother, it started in the hayloft....
i'm not sure if it would have made it more interesting or less if he could temporarily pull his victims into his time space so they would be aware of what he was doing it while he was, but as soon as he let go theyed 'snap' back to the moment he started with them, makeing it so efectivly he couldnt actualy cause any lasting effect to anything, everything would just reset completly as he went...his existance free of limit but void of purpose even more so then the story already puts forward...at least as it currently sits he could alter things and after the freeze ended there would be evidence of what he had done...but imagine if he did all that and when it was all over nobody ever knew...they just found him dead and there was nothing to tell his story, no way ot know how he had gone from being young and vital to a shrivled up mummy someone found in the barn seemingly within the span of however long since the last pony saw him before it happend.
I think this deserves a horror tag! That's awful! Well done, but horrible!
Oh boy, another time-stop story.
A rather grimdark one, but still enjoyable.
I feel like he probably could have figured a way out of it eventually if he was persistent, but oh well.
I was hoping he would screw the princesses.
11171584
Me too but he was just too lazy...
😳
11172793
Worst part is, she'll probably blame Discord at first!
How would she know the taste of... never mind.
That went batter than I expected.
Oh crap...
11173225
Interesting note on Derpy, Big Mac wouldn't need to cover her face unless he moved her around to face him but he didn't. He probably came into the post office looking for mares but couldn't engage any of them with Derpy's weird stare from behind the counter.
This was pretty dark
11647732
I've got more where that came from...