Or so help me
“You're WHAT?!”
The mane 6 let their jaws drop to the floor in unison as Celestia sat atop her throne. The older, yet still regal mare allowed herself a chuckle at the shocked reaction of her close friends. “Yes, you heard me correctly. I, Princess Celestia Sol Invictus, and my sister Luna Luna Invictus,” she paused to enjoy the groan coming from her sister. Noting that she had the same name and title was always a quick way to get on Luna's nerves. “... the two of us are retiring.”
Luna chimed in as the group murmured amongst themselves. “Twilight, we feel that thou and thy friends are more than ready to take up the mantle and rule this fine country. We have been preparing for this moment for quite some time, and-”
“No.”
“We beg thy pardon?”
“No! Buck no!” Twilight stomped her hoof into the floor in a fit of rage. “You think you can just abdicate the throne to us like that? Have you finally lost it?!” Princess Celestia recoiled slightly from her former student's outburst. “And even if you have finally gone bonkers enough to retire to your little royal 401k plan, you'd turn the throne over to US?!”
“Twilight, my faithful student, my fellow princess, my friend. I've lived for thousands of years, and I can tell you six have the qualities needed to rule. Why are you so apprehensive?”
“Oh, I don't know,” Twilight responded, her words dripping with sarcasm. “Maybe because we know nothing about running a country! Seriously, look at us! We're civilians, and five of us are still mortal! We have lives and families! And even if we didn't, do you have any clue what we'd probably do if we were in charge? Any at all?” Twilight raised her wing and motioned for one of her friends to step forward. Rainbow dash took the lead. “Look at Rainbow. Half her popularity the fact that she's a walking 20% cooler meme…”
“Hey!”
“And if you let her, she's the laziest bucking creature this side of the Crystal Empire! If she got put in charge, she wouldn't do anything and just sleep while pawning the work off on somepony else. And if she did decide to get off her lazy flank and actually do more than the bare minimum for something other than a Wonderbolts show, I know for a fact she invariably bucks up on any piece of paperwork you put in front of her. I have to do her taxes, for buck's sake!”
Rainbow tilted her head, glancing at Twilight. “What are taxes? They sound boring. Like, so boring I feel like I'm gonna… fall… asleeeeeeezzzzzzz…” the pegasus fell to the ground with a thud, pushed back to the group by Twilight's magic. She then used that magic to drag Applejack up next.
“Consarnit, Twah! Y'all coulda just asked!”
“Look at this pony. I can describe her entire personality, lifestyle, and thinking process in one word: Apples. Apples for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks… I wouldn't be surprised if she's more apple than mare! And if you put her in a lead role because of her ‘hard work and determination’, you can kiss every holiday goodbye as she makes us work, work, work, apple, apple, apple! And another thing. APPLES!” Twilight turned to grab another friend, only to see that AJ had inexplicably been put back in the group, and was eating an apple. With no warning, Twilight's speaking capabilities were cut off as a cupcake was jammed in her mouth.
“Oh boy oh boy oh boy I get to be in charge?! Oh, this is fantastic and exciting! We should call it fantastasizing! I can make every day a national holiday and we can have non stop parades in every city with streamers and balloons and the government can pay for it from the treasury and we can have ice cream for breakfast and cake for lunch and cookies for dinner and candy everywhere and singing and dancing and I can make Gummy a Duke and everypony would be all ‘gee Gum-gum, what do we do?’ And he'd just blink and everythingwouldbeokayandthenwecanhavepartiesduringpartiesandattendancewouldbemandatoryand” Pinkie blinked out of existence as Twilight finally got her bearings and teleported her home. Oddly, she warped Fluttershy away as well.
“And Fluttershy, that precious little cinnamon roll that just wants to protect her animal friends. Do you really want to throw her into the cesspool that is the nobility? We have to protect her, not corrupt her!” Twilight magicked Flutters back in, placing the timid pegasus at her side and changing her demeanor instantly. “Fluttershy is a wonderful mare and the only one who could replace you, but she's too cute and would cause a diabetes epidemic.”
“Oh… I'm sorry. I'll just go back over there,” Fluttershy whispered.
“I don't see what kind of problems I'd have,” Rarity declared, striding forward with her nose held high. “I have lived amongst the nobility all my life. The only thing I'd do is make the world more fashionable.”
Twilight smirked. “And when everypony is equally fabulous, nopony will be. Beauty will become normal and uninteresting.” Rarity fainted onto her couch as Twilight continued her triade. “And me. Look at me, I run a castle, a library, a school, go on adventures every other week, my schedule is full to the point I have to use the mirror pool to be in two places at once, and I'm only one monster attack away from a bucking mental breakdown! And speaking of monsters, are there any more you conveniently haven't told us yet? After Cozy Glow, is a leaf with googly eyes going to take over the world?! I've had it with your ‘doing what is best’ schtick.” Twilight lifted the princesses’ crowns off of their heads and applied a heavy dose of Arca's super duper, clingier than my stalker glue before slamming the royal finery back down onto their owners’ heads. “Sit your flanks right the buck down and get back to ruling the country, NOW. Luna especially, given her millennia-long vacation. We're going home to prepare for your next mess.” A flash of light, and the group was gone.
“Well, that could have gone better,” lamented Celestia.
“We think we may have sprung this a bit too quickly on them, sister,” Luna concurred, trying to remove her crown. It wouldn't budge.
Suddenly, the doors to the throne room burst open, and a single figure walked in.
“and we can make the trains run on party cannons so I can get back and explain more things I'll do if I'm in charge faster and the guards can all be dressed as clowns except when ponies are afraid of clowns and I can teach everypony about the fourth wall and then the author can end the story because writing me for too long is tiring, and-”
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I totally agree with Twilight, she is not fit to rule, with all that anxiety problems. But in this story, I liked Pinkie the most.
"Yay! So am I your favorite pony now?"
"Pinkie, put down my Rainbow Dash plushie!"
So Luna is Moon Moon?
And I can get into this user's comment to say that this story is exactly what he thought of that idea and that he has loved the story and that it will go directly to his favorites!
... um, yes, what she said.
Haven’t even started the story, and I already found two mistakes. Did your finger slip?
9498459
Mirror Pool much? She can edit and be in the comments of SEVERAL users a time. :)
Story: To the Feature box you go. Now.
This was good laugh and a good 'pick-me-up'; really helps ease some of the feels from the trailer.
Nice job!
Do you know Kurt Cobain’s reaction the the ‘Smells Like Nirvana’ video? He literally rolled on the floor laughing.
While not literal, it’s pretty close. This story is hilarious.
While I like the idea behind it, it loses me when the reason Twilight refuses amounts to "these are the singular stereotypes my friends are usually portrayed as."
9498464
Yeah, I hear you. The trailer was so emotional. And the fact that they're emphasizing that this is the last season, no doubt about it, is like a punch to the gut.
The whole idea of Celestia and Luna retiring is just a bad idea. Seriously with five of the Mane 6 not being alicorns and we still do not know if Twilight has any form of immortality this is a bad idea. Even if Twilight is immortal unless both Celestia and Luna both start pulling an Oprah and making everyone an alicorn this will not end well.
previews.123rf.com/images/5second/5second1611/5second161100910/66183431-autumn-leaf-with-googly-eyes-on-grey-background.jpg
"Your time has come mortals! Rustle in terror for I, the apostle of the ancient Maple Tree, have come to end your pathetic existence!"
9498484
Considering Ms. Faust’s original storyline was “Twilight Sparkle progresses from undersocialized bookworm to monarch of Equestria”, this is more or less the ending she was aiming for—though I grant the details likely are very different.
9498488
Oh, this get all of my yes
As much as a train wreck it would be, I would still LOVE to see what happens to Equestria if Pinkie Pie took over.
WE might not even be safe from Alicorn Pinkie Pie!
Ashfur, that’s a good view of what happens if Twilight’s friends were in charge. Which would be a DISASTER! I have a few stories of my own if you want to read them.
Fic is accurate.
9498489
derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/8/31/1821273.gif
9498488
Do you not have any mercy? That maple leaf will doom us all.
9498515
Okay, that animated GIF image is hilarious.
9498504
*slaps you in the face with a comic and runs away while laughing like a loony*
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/0/06/Comic_issue_57_cover_A.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20170518015936
9498546
"Fix fic"
Heh. This is intended to parody the fandom's reaction. Honestly, I'd be interested to see the main 6 run the country.
"haven't told us yet?" should be "haven't told us about yet?"
So help me!
That was hilarious.
9498546
I'll admit, I don't really buy this retirement, not until I see it for myself. Yes, I did see the trailer, but it just sounds suspicious, especially the part about "years of harmony!"
9498546 9498573
I think what we're looking at here is a textbook case of Poe's Law. Sometimes the lines are so blurred it can be hard to tell if the author's trying to be satirical, or if they actually mean everything they're saying through their story. I don't blame the story for this whatsoever, even if I wasn't particularly fond of it; it's just another aspect of Internet culture.
Just my random thoughts on this.
Did nopony pay attention to that part? They said Twilight. Nothing was ever said about the rest of them ruiling with her. Helping for sure. Not the samething.
And I doubt Celestia and Luna wouldn't give advice and help if Twilight asked. Retire does not mean they're going anywhere.
9498752
> Celestia and Luna 'retire'
> Twilight new leading princess
> Twilight immortal (supposedly comes with being an alicorn)
> Twilight not good leader without friends
> Twilight need immortal friends
> All Mane 6 alicorn princesses confirmed
9498561
LOL!
But I just might write a story about Pinkie Pie taking over Celestia's job, and the following chaos that'll happen under Princess Pinkie Pie's rule.
9498752
Agreed. But honestly, I don't think they're retiring. Celestia looks way too happy when she says it.
I'm calling it now; the whole thing is some kind of test for Twilight, and they're actually not abdicating at all.
honestly the original idea also sounds pretty awesome, but yeah this was great
9498752
Yeah but I also saw the group high five directly after that which seemed to imply the others are going to be a part of her rule exactly like they handled the Friendship school with the Elements being teachers and Twilight being the principal.
Is the title a Monsters Inc reference?
Well played.
9498726
Oh you're right there might be a time skip involved. Cause the past few seasons have been non-stop catastrophe.
9498798
Can't be THAT much of a timeskip, seeing as the teaser trailer shows Flurry Heart is no more than a toddler... Two years without Equestria being under attack isn't enough to call it "years of harmony."
...very convincing Twilight. Celestia and Luna should have retired sooner!
9498811
I was thinking maybe the premier ends on them retiring, or the season if that really was a season trailer and not a season premiere trailer. But then the trailer would kinda be misleading so I'm not too sure.
I liked this it was very cute.
Personally if Celestia and Luna do retire I can see Twilight needing a co ruler like say Sunset Shimmer.
9498860
I wonder why...
9498458
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/012/917/MOONMOON.jpg
Quit doing acid.
OH this is just brilliant!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohoWIDFvnZI
That is what I think of.
9499110
Not "Put that thing back where it came from or so help me", minus ten internet points.
Twilight: OH GOD HELP ME IM GONNA PUT THAT CROWN BACK ON YOUR HEADS UNLESS YOU WANT SEVEN ACROSS THE @SS!!
9498769
Yes!
I needed the laugh today, thanks for the preemptive fixfic!
I couldn't help but think of DWK's description of Twilight when reading this
(Warning a bit Crude language):
(The clip from his Totally Legit Episode: https://youtu.be/uv_aEmxmTLE )
Yeaaaaaahhhh, this does not seem like a smart idea at all.........
I'm VERY curious on how this last season will play out. Will they handle everything at a steady pace, or will it rush to the end like water down rapids?
9498489
Really? Where did you get that from? Can I have a link to read it too, please?