Manifesting Destiny
This is for V. Not me, not you; her, it’s for her.
It’s safe to say that I’m furious, righteously pissed right now. Your betrayal, the Derptard’s survival, the most painful irony I can imagine, and the Nerd’s semi-constant vigil have eroded my patience to nothing. It’s by the graces of that amazing filly that I’m holding it together right now.
I’m not good at this kind of thing, not even when I’m only pretending so V won’t be mad. I don’t mend relationships. In fact, before all of this crap happened, I didn’t even have any. So you’re going to be patient with me or else you’ll wind up as kindling.
I suppose I should start at the most noticeable thing; my house. Yes, the Derptard has managed to burn my house down twice. Two times more than I’m happy admitting. Apparently she found my lantern before it started a fire and returned it to my home where it finally did as intended and started a fire.
If you’re paying attention, that means I’m homeless. Again.
Surprisingly enough, I’ve had a few offers for temporary lodging. Blossom, Rarity, Applejack, and the Derptard have all opened their doors to me. I didn’t even get a chance to shoot them all down before the Nerd stepped in and reminded everypony that my hospital stay is gonna be a long one and thus the need for housing is not immediate. She traded off giving her friends’ sympathetic looks with flashing me the occasional glare.
Personally, I think it’s cute that she’s trying to protect them from me. After all, she certainly knows enough about me to be rightfully cautious. Isn’t that right, traitor?
Thankfully she’s kept true to her word; she doesn’t appear to have told the others about what she’s learned. That’ll give me a few options down the road. Not sure what those options are or how they’ll manifest, but I’ll figure that out in time. I’ve got more important matters to deal with.
As you know, the Nerd has stated her intention to ‘reform’ me. I got her to expound upon that idea. Basically she wants to ‘fix’ me. She wants to take my damaged psyche and repair it or help it limp along to a point where I can ‘healthily function’. It’s her belief that my ‘delusions’ are getting in the way of any ‘healing’ I’ve attempted independently and that I need help navigating through that mess (A mess that I had to remind her was my mind, which gave me some satisfaction from the way she stumbled over an apology to the ‘insult’.)
I tried to get her to explain to me what she thinks my ‘delusions’ are, but I couldn’t get her to budge much on that. Got her to tell me that she’s under the opinion that I’m self-defeating, this means that I sabotage my own life. Still not sure what she meant by that. She’s running the show now, though, so I gotta go with it.
As I said before, I’m just a pawn in her friendship games now.
I’m actually pretty glad I’m gonna be locked up in this place for awhile. Being in here means I won’t have to deal with her crap. I’ll also be able to watch over V’s recovery, which I cannot express my delight in.
Now let me be clear, if it means that they’ll all leave me alone and let me have my little friend, then I’ll play the Nerd’s game, whatever the fuck it turns out to be. Will I actually make any strides towards change (Or, as she puts it, ‘reform’.)? I can’t answer that totally yet. If I can tell that it will benefit V then I suppose I will, but I will NOT bend and conform to whatever plan that bitch cooks up. At this point she’s working as a direct analogue for those royal bitches. They’ve got me in their clutches and I refuse to become some cruel parody of myself.
I’ll say it in a new paragraph so you can truly grasp this; I’m willing to do what is needed of me in order for me to be with V and nothing will stop me. If those bitches want to cross me the wrong way in their game then I’ll gladly let them know how far back the line they’ve crossed is.
I haven’t had real friends since my father’s whore, Blossom, and Rose decided they were better off without me. Losing V…I don’t want to do that again. I’m not strong enough. She cares, she actually fucking cares. There isn’t some game being played and she isn’t trying some kind of angle. She looks at me and sees her best friend. That little filly looks at me and sees something nopony has seen since Mom was alive.
Now, as for you and me…well, that’s more complicated.
V wants us to be together. She clearly expects you and I to clear up whatever mess is between us by the next time we see her, but we both know that’s not gonna happen. I put my soul on paper and you gave it away. If you think I’ll ever forgive you for that then you clearly haven’t been paying attention. I can’t have her be upset, though. I’ve finally got a chance to be with my little buddy and I’m not gonna let this crap sully what time we get.
In public, when we’re around others, you and I are gonna act like we used to. Nothing’s changed as far as anypony else is concerned. I’m fine, you’re fine, we’re both fine. When we’re in private, though, that won’t be the case. Whatever we had is dead. You killed it.
It hurts to know that this is where I’ve wound up. This is where I started. I was born here, interred here, and here I am again. The only thing that’s really changed is that every time I come back I’ve lost something else. First I lost my parents, my friends, my home, my possessions, and Shirley. Now I’ve lost my home, my possessions, my health, my self-respect, you, my privacy, and a good chunk of my sanity. The only thing I have to show for any of that pain is V.
Worth it.
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Tragedy and Comedy don't go together. Hmm, I shall read this and find out how this got good ratings. Perhaps I will enjoy this piece of messed up literature.
6152959
Perhaps you will, perhaps you won't. Perhaps I'm a fish, perhaps I'm a dinosaur. Life's got a lot of questions, bro.
Looking forward to your sequel. Reading about dis-harmonized characters is a refreshing change of pace in happy mini-horse land.
OH GOD IT'S OVER? NO NOOOOOOO I'LL DIE WAITING FOR THE SEQUEL
*GROSS SOBBING IN THE CORNER*
But seriously though I can't wait. This has been one mother of a journey and I cant wait to see what happens to Ipsa!
6152965 That logic, bro.
6152959 Tragedy IS comedy!
*cough cough*
What? No, I am not a sadist totally not! What would even cause you to think that???
6153146 It's ok, man. I don't judge people... unless you hurting others. Than you can feel my foot up your ass.
6152959 They do if you enjoy laughing at the misfortune of others.
Awwww. You love me? I love you too man.
Damn. Okay, Ipsa is, to an extent, willing to go along. Hopefully Twilight won't try and push it too fast, because he's not the kind of guy that bends. Even then, seems to me that there'll be need of an intervention by other, more level-headed parties than a nervous-wreck nerd who doesn't accept people doing it differently than what she organized and checklisted for there to be progress not involving V.
And I have a good feeling that Ipsa will still be this airheaded loon that we've come to love, only better in a few ways.
Here's to his learning, and to a good completed story! A toast to the sequel!
I absolutely love this. It made me laugh, made me want to cry, and made me both love and hate the messed up character that is Ipsa. I can't wait to see the sequel to this. I'd love to see Ipsa finally get an actually good life, Still being himself but actually able to enjoy his life. V is an adorable filly, and I want to see her with Ipsa and actually being happy. Great story, and keep up this great series. Please put up a link when the sequel is ready, thanks
What can I say that 6153774 and 6154589 didn’t already? So… yeah. Read their comments again and imagine I said it instead.
I keep going over this and I can't quite figure out what it is that he's got against Derpy that isn't his being a paranoid dickhole.
6160368
It wouldn't be much of a journey if every step was the same, would it? The only way Ipsa will change is if he chooses to and you'd have a hard time convincing him of that at this point. For Ipsa, he'll have to go through hell before he gets to heaven.
6160440
Closure? That's a fantastic dream to have. It's something the casual person struggles to have. Ipsa? I don't think he'll ever have any form of it. He's outright refused it at every point. Twilight said it best, he's self-defeating. He wants something he'll never let himself have. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. This story have shown us that Ipsa truly does desire some form of change for the better. Unfortunately, it also shines light on the fact that he's too sick in the head to allow it. When you're delusions protect you from everything, they cut you off from it all, even the stuff that would help. This isn't something he can do on his own and it isn't something therapy can help. He needs friendship, a true bond with another being to help him work through his pain. Pain that will fight back. That's not something a school age filly needs to be involved in. He's far from the end of his journey.
That being said, look at where he was before this story. Look at where he is now. It may not be much of an improvement and, indeed, he's lost a lot to get to this point, but he's also gained something he never would've had if not for those losses. Not the fact that he has a friend, but the fact that he truly appreciates the value of friendship. Water may taste bland, but to a thirsty man it will be as honey. Along with that is the fact that he now has someone actively trying to help him, knowing full well the potential danger there is to messing with his head. He may not care for anypony but V, but you can bet there's more than one pony in Ponyville who cares about him.
In my opinion, he's come a long way. Only problem is that he's only just set foot out of the Shire.
6160580
What trust has Ipsa lost? He trusts everypony just about the same as he did before. Sure, he's back to square one with Booky and his trust in Twilight, what little there was to begin with, is damaged. Is this story about that trust? No. At least I don't see it that way. This story was about following this messed up pony through his personal journey, a quest that isn't near finished.
The main problem at the beginning of the story is that Ipsa doesn't care for anypony and nopony cared about him. In fact, only a handful of ponies even interacted with him. The only ponies who could've been said to care about him at that point were Sale Barter, Derpy, and, to a very small extent, Twilight. That's it. And none of them could approach him about anything. Any advance Twilight would've made would've been met with Ipsa's charactersitic dismissal, Sale was basically dying up in Canterlot, and Derpy was too shy to reveal how much she cared, especially after the flop that was her last attempt. Now, at the end of the story, Derpy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Twilight, Cheerilee, V, Octavia, the CMC, and Rose have shown that they care about him. They all consider him their friend. He may not think likewise, but that's not the point. He's got friends now, a support system he did not have before. And yes, that unfortunately means that the consequences of his behavior are more visible, but it also means that he has ponies willing to help him.
I know that Booky getting the shaft is hard to take. Trust me on that one. You have to remember, though, that even Ipsa admits that Booky is only a book. An inanimate object. Booky's very existence is a coping mechanism Ipsa's developed over the years. So Booky losing Ipsa's trust isn't that bad. It'd be a bad thing if he truly clung to the idea that his diary is alive. Part of growing up is losing those imaginary friends. Imagine if this story wasn't told using Booky as a framing devise. Would you still feel so bad for him? Likely not. However, since I went that route, you've become attached to the character, which was the point. I've got to rip Ipsa's heart out in order to fix it.
Also, if you want to look at it in such a way that Booky is indeed alive in some way, then doesn't it make sense that someone so close to Ipsa would give anything to put him on the right path, even if that meant ruining their friendship? Twilight can do more to help Ipsa than Booky ever could.
In short, he's gained several friends he didn't have before, rebuilt relationships he's long lost, and strengthened existing relationships.
Wow. I did not realize this was complete until the author's note. I've been reading this story almost since I joined the site and it has certainly been one wild, misanthropic ride. Honestly I'd lost the expectation that this fic would ever be complete, but it just kept trudging along and that was all I could really hope for. Now its not only complete but it has a sequel coming. I guess both of my hopes have been met. Well, you've infected me with a wild optimism so I shall now begin hoping for Ipsa to get better, enough for him to get married and have a foal of his own.
Anyway, enough of that fantasy. I just want to thank you, Wearin Hat, for all your horse words.
6221871
I've seen it but never really watched it. Someone told me its from there though.
6222505 Yeah, that's where this step by step plan meme started from. It's in one of the old episodes, the one with the underpants gnomes.
Great story, friend. Will there be a possible sequel in near future? I kinda want to know how it would all turned out between Ipsa and the others.
It took me an entire year to read this final chapter.
I kept on putting it off. I didn't want to finish the story.
I put it off until I forgot about it. It's only now when I'm reading old stories did I see it, and through a great surge of willpower decide to finish the final chapter.
I don't know if I'm happy.
I don't know if I'm sad.
What I do know, is that you have a job.
You sir, have an obligation at this point.
You need to continue what you have started.
The twisted mind games of ye' old will only wait so long and it's time for Ipsa to face the machinations of the Princesses.
Go then; Hat.
7342332 I figured so, I'm just not clever enough to figure it out.
7342580
With an attitude like that you never will. Chin up, bucko, you'll figure it out.
Out of curiosity, what's the status on the sequel? No pressure BTW.
A beautiful example of an unreliable narrator. This take stirred up some major feelings, well done author.