A Very Happy and Sunny Life

by Wearin Hat

Stuck

Oh thank crap! Booky, I am so freaking happy I finally managed to get a hoof on you! Now, you’re gonna have to be quiet as I explain cause I don’t wanna put up with any giggling or anything like that. I mean that. Not. One. Peep.

Five days ago I found this stupid bookcase and thought, “Hey, y’know what I need? A bookcase in my bathroom. Won’t that be neat?” So I proceeded to proudly move the damn thing in here with very little thought to the concept of caution, my second mistake.

Now, before I go on, I want to mention that for the first few minutes the damn thing looked mighty fine next to my crapper, so regardless of my circumstance I was right to think it would look nice.

My pride in my achievement being such, I decided to eat my lunch right in front of it so that I could admire my greatness. It wasn’t much, really, just a pack of crackers and a daisy sandwich. Y’see, Booky, I like me some crackers. I like them so much, in fact, that when one decided to rebel and make for an escape to the floor, I pursued it without haste. During that pursuit, I, blinded by my need for the escaping cracker, managed to impale my brand new piece of furniture with my head and knock myself right the fuck out by punching the wall with my head.

Yes, Booky, that is why you’re currently staring at a bookcase with a head poking out of it.

That was five days ago. I woke up a few hours later and quickly realized I had become a bookcase. This realization was followed almost instantly by the observation that I, in fact, could not remove my head from the shelf. It was then I started to throw a fit, the likes of which I haven’t unleashed since my stay in the honeymoon suite at Ponyville General. This rampage led directly to my next realization; my new appendage was too wide to fit through the door and turning it has become impossible due to the way I am stuck.

I’ve survived on crackers and tap water since then.

The biggest problem has been my crippling boredom with being stuck here. I’ve had literally nothing to do. Literally. I would’ve chatted up a storm with you, but for some fucking reason you wouldn’t respond when I said anything.

Wanna explain that, Booky? Were you being temperamental? Do you think I’ll forget you ignoring my pleas for help?

It was only by some stupid miracle that I managed to use my toilet brush to nudge you in here.

Huh? Yeah, you aren’t the only one I’ve been trying to get to help me, but you’re the only one I would’ve expected to help. Carty can’t hear me due to a combination of old age and his being outside, my marble collection is largely immobile, and I haven’t seen Donger (Yes, I decided to name him that.) since before I got stuck, though I have heard some rumblings from my kitchen.

During my five days of being stuck I’ve had a slew of visitors come to my door. Well, to be more accurate, I’ve had one visitor come many times. Go on, guess who. Yup, Ponyville’s resident fucktard. Now, from my poor positioning in my home I could hardly make out distinct patterns in her knocking, but I could certainly hear her three days ago when she was calling for me. Desperate bitch. And no, Booky, at no point did I consider asking her to help. Knowing my luck she would’ve lopped my fucking head off in order to dislodge it.

What is it with her? She clearly knows how much she isn’t welcome here and how much I hate her. I mean, yeah, I’ve kissed her two or three times. I’ve also kissed Octavia. Plus, one of those ‘kisses’ was more of a collision than a kiss. And yes, I said I ‘loved’ the Derptard (Something she shouldn't know unless a certain book went and made a rather significant mistake.), but you have to understand something about me; I consider love an empty word these days.

I don’t like her. At all. I’d rather spend more time with the fucking Pinktard than that idiot.

Hm? You don’t understand how I can ‘love’ her and hate her in the exact same breath? It’s really easy, Booky; you just have to have an open mind. She’s one of only two foal machine I’ve ever had intimate contact with and the contact I had with her was either the result of tragic circumstance or of me temporarily losing my mind.

I hate Derpy. She’s the bane of my very existence. I’d honestly be with any foal machine before that stupid sack of crap. Rarity? Yeah, I would totally be with her before that wonk eyed fucktard (Granted, there could be one or two emotionally tragic issues regarding her resemblance to Mom.) and I would enjoy it far more. The Nerd? If she could shut her mouth for more than a minute then why not? Fuck, I’d even bed the damn Lesbian over that wall-eyed mistake.

Let me make this clear in the paragraph beneath this one.

You see this bookcase I’m stuck in? You see the door this bookcase I’m stuck in is stuck in? This door this bookcase I’m stuck in is stuck in is connected to my house. This house connected to this door that has a bookcase stuck in it that has me stuck in it is in fact the second one I have ever owned. If you remember, my first house was burned down with me inside of it. I almost died attempting to rescue the only thing making my life worth living, something that didn’t make it out of that fire; Shirley.

Derpy killed Shirley. She took away from me the only source of comfort I’ve had since Celestia saw fit to take my Mom from me. I don’t care how much she apologizes, I don’t care if she says she likes me, fuck, I don’t even care if I say I like her. My whole life was in that house.

You know, I should’ve died with Shirley. It isn’t fair I didn’t. Why am I alive? There’s nothing for me here. I have a father out there somewhere, but, not surprisingly, I have no fucking clue where he is. Carty’s here, but I know him; he’s strong enough to have moved on if I had died. He could’ve found a new family to be a part of. V? Somepony would’ve found her sooner or later; I didn’t need to be the one that found her. I have nothing to live for.

You? What about you? You’re just the backwash of tragedy, a square peg to fit into the circle shaped hole in my heart.

If I had the balls to do it then I’d have killed myself by now, but no, I’m too much of a bitch to go through with it. I mean, yeah, I happened to fall off the roof of the hospital and get hit by the Ponyville Express, but let’s not mince words; those were accidents. If I wanted to fall to my death I would’ve dove off the roof at night, not the middle of the day. And if I wanted to be a smear on the tracks then I would’ve thrown myself under the train, not into it.

I’m just a coward who got stuck. Stuck in a life that he doesn't want and one that doesn’t want him. Also a bookcase.

Comments

[Seether00]

How depressing.

Let Derpy hug you.

[ChaosSapphire]

Uhhhh. Right in the feels..

[Mad Maudlin]

See? This is what happens when you put book cases in bathrooms.

[MidnightFMare]

I have a bookcase in my bathroom too! never gotten stuck in it before

[No One Of Nowhere]

Damn bookcases. Never trust them.