Eventful Events
Well, that was certainly something. Quite something to be exact. I’m not sure whether or not if I enjoyed it, but I’m certain it happened. Yeah, that was quite the thing that occurred and is currently being recalled fondly after the fact by somepony who actively participated in the event itself.
Hey, Booky, can you tell that I’m at least kind of upset that you overslept? CAUSE I AM! I mean, come on! I had this whole thing planned! It was gonna be me and you, out there doing stuff! BUT NOOOO! You had to SLEEP!
That’ll be twenty brownie points, jerk.
Now, as I was saying, the events of the mevening were quite the events to have happen. Like I said this evenoring, I went out before breakfast to take care of all my crap. Leaving early was unpleasant, but I suppose the events following made up for that…not that you’d know.
Easily the most positive of the events was when I barged into Rarity’s boutique -what, just cause I’m ‘changing’ doesn’t mean that I have to change everything-. She seemed less than pleased to have her door kicked open by me, but I suppose she thought better of being angry as her expression softened after she got a good look at me.
Yeah, I had my hotness on. What? Oh, don’t even start! I would NEVER use it for her! That’s sick! However, if I’m to seduce SB then I had to make sure my hotness gelled with whatever it was Rarity would do to me. So shut it, perv.
She made a few comments about my appearance that I paid no mind to before simply moving onto my reasons for being there. Namely, I wanted her advice on the SB case and I -and I cannot believe I’m writing this- wanted to talk to her. Whatever crawled up her plot and pissed her off before I got there seemed to leave her alone pretty quickly.
Surprisingly, she didn’t have much to offer towards the SB case. I told her about the note and everything it said. She then asked me if there were anyponies I knew that had eyes on me. I told her about the conspiracy. Unfortunately, she had only a few guesses as to who SB was. Sugar Blossom, Star Bloom, and Soaring Balloon. Now, who are those ponies and how should I feel about them? Hm, I think you know what time it is; ABP!
Sugar Blossom -I asked, she is of no relation to Blossom Cheerilee- is a recent entrepreneur -whatever that means- who has been thriving with her new confectionary treats, Sweet Greens. Apparently, she’s figured out how to cover vegetables and fruit in sugar and make it taste like crap. Yeah, Rarity says she’s not a fan. I think it sounds repugnant. However, I don’t think I’ve ever met her before. Therefore, I have little to say in regards to how I feel about it. So I’m gonna go ahead and assume I hate her -what can I say, the more things change, the more they stay the same-.
Unlike Sugar Bitch up there, I’ve actually met Star Bloom before. You see, about a year and half ago I found her telescope in the street. She came knocking at my door at exactly noon to get it back. I think it’s safe to assume that she wasn’t quite aware of how things here in Ponyville work. They lose the crap, I find the crap, I sell it to the nerd or scrap it, and -assuming I didn’t scrap it- they get it back. She was not fond of how I told her to go away. I was not fond of her not going away. My door was not fond of being slammed shut.
Soaring Balloon is one of the few ponies in town that I can say I have something of a positive relationship with. You see, she owns a hot-air balloon and allows ponies to ride in it at ridiculous prices. These ponies, mainly Earth ponies that have never left the ground before, go up and freak out. Upon freak out, they promptly begin to lose their crap. Whatever falls becomes mine. Also, the balloon itself has provided me numerous amounts of crap in the past in terms of debris. I do not hate her as I do the other two possibilities. She is, however, a lesbian.
Hey, you think I could set her and the lesbian up?
So yeah, Rarity wasn’t much help there. Not even her sister was much help. She was passing through, apparently on her way to school -a noticeable lack of tiara on her head, ungrateful bitch-, and Rarity posed the question to her as to whether or not she knew a foal machine with the initials SB. I don’t think she knew anypony of the sort, as the second Rarity clarified as to why she wanted to know the stupid filly stuttered something unintelligible and rushed out with a blush on her face.
The females of my species are stupid.
Once the awkwardness of that rudeness was passed, Rarity apologized and we moved onto my appearance. Given the time the date shall take place and with my intent of inducing an immediate response in whoever SB is, she suggested I wear a yellow bowtie-thingy and run a brush through my mane after giving my coat a thorough soaking in olive scented bathwater.
So yeah, that should more than explain why I’m currently in my bathtub writing in you.
Anyfray, Rarity even made me a yellow bowtie-thingy free of charge, which, if you’ve been paying attention, allowed me to bridge into my next topic with her rather easily.
I didn’t want to be confusing or too blunt about it, so I could only tell her the freaking truth -as much as that sucked to do-. Allow me to transcribe for you that event:
“You’re right; the yellow brings out the color in my eyes.”
“If there’s one thing I know in this world, darling, its fashion.”
“Hm, apparently so. What do I owe you?”
“Nothing, consider it a gift.”
“No, seriously, how much?”
“Tis a matter of the heart, dear, the fact I am assisting you in capturing the love of your mystery admirer is more than enough!”
“Huh, you know, my mom was like that. When it came to crap like that, she was really generous with whatever it was she had to offer.”
“She sounds like quite the mare.”
“The greatest I’ve ever known, which is kind of what I wanted to talk about.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah…um…so, like…um…”
“Its okay, Ipsa, I won’t judge you. What is it?”
“You…um…remind me of her…”
“Why, I’m simply flattered! Thank yo-“
“And I was…um…would you hate it if I were to…um…come by every mevening to have a cup of something or something?”
“…I’m sorry, mevening?”
“The time between four-forty PM to nine-thirty PM.”
“…Right…”
“Yeah, so, what I’m…um…asking is…um…if you’d mind if I came by at five every day for…um…”
“I think a few cups of tea would be simply marvelous after a hard day of work. I’m free every day except Friday, which is my spa day. However, five in the afternoon sounds perfect for such a get-together, no?”
“Huh?”
“It’s a figure of speech, dear. I’d simply adore the chance to relax and have some good company alongside some fresh tea.”
It went about a lot smoother than I had thought possible. In fact, I was expecting her to tell me to fuck off. Imagine my surprise when she didn’t.
Of course, the rest of the event was me ignoring whatever it was she had to say about my appearance. I had other things to do and was losing patience at a progressively quick rate.
Now, it should surprise you as much as it did me when I ran into the lesbian. Remember how I said that I would only spend thirty minutes looking for him? Well, I found him in less than five. Wasn’t very hard, he had a whole crowd watching him save some filly from a tree.
Being the wise pony I am, I waited for the crowd to disperse as the lesbian basked in their praise. I was actually mildly humored by watching his head inflate. Ego is good, ego means stuff.
He spotted me before I could make a move and was by my side just as quick. Like Rarity, he made a few comments about my appearance that I ignored in favor of pursuing my own goals. Though I left my house with the full intention to talk to all these ponies, that didn’t mean I was enjoying the ‘talking’ part.
Rather than describe what happened, I’ll just transcribe what was said. Though speaking with him was unpleasant -speaking with most ponies is for me-, the act of recounting the entire event would be more annoying. So, without further stalling:
“Yes, I know, I look stunning. That’s not what I…ugh…wanted to talk about.”
“Alright, but you should still get checked out or something.”
“I assure you that more than a few foal machines have already checked me out and I would rather continue my mevening without having to endure their stares much longer. Now, I wanted to let you know that I’ve been going over you in my mind for the last few days and I have decided that you meet all the criteria to be called my kinda-friend. Congratulations.”
“Um…what?”
“That’s right; I’ve finally decided that you’re qualified to be my kinda-friend. Once again, congratulations.”
“Kinda-friend?”
“Yes.”
“Why not just friend?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Yeah, like, you’re my friend and I’m your’s.”
“Well, good for you, but I don’t know you too well and thus I’m not sure if I trust you enough to actually call you my friend.”
“What? Why not?”
“I’ve my reasons. Just take the compliment.”
“YOU’RE the one who wanted to be friends with me! Why don’t YOU trust me when YOU’RE the one who kept sending me flowers and stuff?”
“Because reasons.”
“Hey, I’m cool with being friends and all, but if you don’t trust me, how can I trust you?”
“Wow, you’re really determined to ruin your chances, aren’t you?”
“Ruin my chances? If anything, you’re the one who’s getting the sweet end of the deal!”
“I prefer sour.”
“…No wonder you don’t like Pinkie.”
“You’ve just figured that out?”
“Hey, watch it, you may be my friend, but Pinkie’s, like, one of my best friends.”
“Which proves your saint-like level of patience to me and thus reaches one of my requirements.”
“Dude, what are you talking about?”
“…Listen, I’m getting really tired of all this. Do you want to be my friend or not?”
“With that attitude, n-”
“You are aware that if you finish that sentence, I won’t even consider you the next time I get tickets to the Wonderbolts, right?”
“…Good point. Alright, let’s say this; you and I are friends, okay?”
“Kinda-friends.”
“Whatever floats your boat, deal?”
“Deal, but boats don’t float, they swim.”
“Airships don’t.”
“An airship isn’t a boat, it’s an airship.”
“Yeah, but it’s like a floating boat.”
“Yet it’s called an airship and not a floating boat.”
“Yeah, well…you win this round, but next time, you’re so mine!”
“Doubtful.”
And with that, I have acquired the lesbian as my kinda-friend. Not so hard -hehe, I wrote hard-, was it? Oh that’s right, you weren’t there.
Everything else went pretty smoothly. He tried to bog me down in yet another competitive argument, but I simply ignored it and left. It took about a minute of ignoring him, but he eventually left me alone.
I have to admit, his persistently annoying personality will take time to get used to. Time he is lucky I’m willing to give.
However, unlike him, Rose was nowhere near as difficult to deal with. If anything, I downright enjoyed the event with her.
Think of it as something similar to dealing with myself. I know, Rose is a foal machine and thus one of the unclean ones, but, and I mean this, she was cunning enough to fool both ME and the conspiracy. She’s a freaking double agent! An ally that I didn’t even know I had!
Probably the only thing I really can’t stand about her is that her stand is always freaking surrounded by filthy foal machines. None of which were on my agenda to bother myself by speaking to. So, rather than put myself through that pain I decided to just wait it out for my chance.
She greeted me with her usual smile, though I must admit that I think her façade is cracking as her smile wavered a bit at first. Would be a problem if she hadn’t just had to sit through a whole group of foal machines, hay, I’d be dead if I had to suffer through such. So a shaky smile can be forgiven. However, whether or not I will actually forgive her remains to be seen.
I made very little small talk before buying a few orchids to munch on. That led directly into me telling her that I know what she’s doing, thanking her for her support, and that her secret was safe with me. Unfortunately, I was unable to leave on that high note and had to continue onto a more unpleasant topic; Octavia.
Though she seemed thoroughly confused before I even asked- playing her role perfectly in case any conspirators were watching-, Rose actually had a bit of info for me in regards to that foal machine that I am so inexplicably attracted to the voice of. Turns out that she is still getting used to being known publically as a homo and that she actually has inquired about me to Rose a few times. I’m not sure what her asking Rose about me means, but I’m gonna assume that’s good. Also, Rose told me that she didn’t really have anything to say to her other than a brief update regarding the few publically known facts about me. You know, the usual rumor regarding my drunken state at the Apple’s thing, V being taken from me, and other stuff I toned out.
According to Rose, Octavia seemed really disturbed about everything that she was told and that she left looking kinda shaken. Apparently that was the end of that encounter. I tried to squeeze out who Octavia became a lesbian with, but Rose didn’t know.
Sadly, despite the quantity of her information, none of it really helped me out much. I mean, she advised me to apologize, but I’m gonna assume that was simply to keep up appearances as I didn’t do anything wrong. And, if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll realize that I’m left back where I began, which I do not find amusing.
I didn’t really want to stick around after that, not even to try and flirt to let her know that her efforts as my ally were rewardable. So, in order to keep up appearances, I left with a large frown on my face and headed straight for the Apple’s apple stand only to find that my preferred quarry of Macintosh was not present. Instead, Applejack was there.
True to form, the bitch immediately started in on me like I gave even half a shit about her. Talking to me like I’m her friend, who does that bitch think she is? Hmph, it pisses me off just to think about it. Making matters worse, I decided to ask her about changing my usual drop off date to next evenoring whilst I bought an apple. She said it wouldn’t be an issue and that her brother would have time to fix up Carty should he need some repairs.
So yeah, my event with her was uneventful. Mostly just forced small talk and required other non-small talk. Nothing worth anything.
By the time I made it to the library I was running really low on stamina, which led directly to my next issue; the nerd. There’s no way I could’ve predicted that she’d be such a bitch today, not even with my keen senses.
Hm? What’s that? Yes, this is directly in relation to why my bit pouch looks pathetic. Give me a minute, damn it. You spoil it when you rush.
Out of nowhere that stupid shapely foal machine decided to haggle me over the price of all the crap I had to sell. Her biggest issues were with the Pinktard’s cannon and that mirror. Apparently that mirror isn’t worth anywhere near my price and that cannon had already been replace and thus was worthless. Yeah, you read that right. I didn’t get anything for that cannon. Not even a bit. I tried to fight her on the price of my other items, but she just wouldn’t fucking budge. So, tired of it all, I decided to just yield. Bitch.
You think I should’ve just punched her face with my hoof? I mean, I wanted to, but my circumstances prevented me from taking such action. It’s so stupid, so very stupid. I didn’t even get to go shopping! Yeah! I don’t have any fucking food! Aside from that apple and the orchids, I am without subsidence. Again. And don’t start about the olives I used to scent this water with. Rarity gave them to me.
Ugh, such an unpleasant end to an otherwise pleasing series events.
That’s the past, though. I must now look to the future and wonder just what the fuck I’m gonna do next.
Well, let’s see, my compost pile is already in order and thus ready to be taken to Sweet Apple Acres, I’ve cleaned most of the messes in my home, and I’m currently taking care of my appearance. I swear, SB better pay off big time. I’m really in need of something extraordinarily rewarding. I mean, sure, Rarity accepting my offer for us to be friends and spend time together and having the lesbian become aware of our now official kinda-friendship is good, but I need something great.
You think I’ll run into something good while on my route? Sure, I can’t do any work before midnight or else I’ll ruin the olive scent in my coat, but I still have to work afterwards. Hm, it’s possible that I could run into something of use.
Now, if you don’t mind, I must attend to my sexiness.
Stats
Page generated in 0.026 seconds
Total duration
692 users online
813,675 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
He is going to be so disappointed when SB is revealed.
This story is FUCKING AWESOME. This is one of the few fics that actually made me have feels and I read it all in one sitting. The most underreated fic I've ever seen in my life.
SB is sweetie belle yeah?
2822343
Many things disappoint him.
2823706 2822878
Oh you guys, you flatter me.
2824383
Hm, maybe. Sweetie Belle does fit the description.
2776065 As it turns out...
2824894 2776065
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/37157887.jpg
Twilight is turning kind'a nasty, even as Ipsa becomes kind'a-friendly with some of her friends... She has to know she is his only stable source of income (as shaky as such stability is), yet is steadily becoming more and more insistent on paying him less and less... Twilight, I frown in your general direction.
This thing needs more views, it's simply amazing
I just noticed this:
Is this supposed to be an intentional typo?
2914618
Yes. Remember, this is Ipsa's diary and he didn't have a good deal of schooling, which is just a poor excuse for me not editing my own story.
2825495
Why would she know that? His situation up till now has been fine, and its not her job to know everything. Or do you really think that is the kind of thing he would tell a mare?
I can't blame Twilight on this. Even if she does know, he has earned that mistreatment.
2824383 Without the part with Sweetie Belle, I really had no clue who it could be.
Completely forgot her