Greetings true believer! It is I, the Wearer of Hats! I'm an aspiring writer and on here you'll find my dabblings into the world of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Enjoy! Hats off to y'all!
Princess Celestia attempts to renew her friendship with Luna after being seperated for one thousand years, problems begin to arise when it becomes apparent that this will not be as simple as Celestia expected.
Fearing that she could lose Luna's love forever, Celestia tasks Twilight Sparkle with discovering a way to solve the problems the sisters are having. Unfortunately, this might be something that not even the Elements of Harmony can fix.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, this looks rather interesting. Since you've just posted this up your probably eager for feedback.
And since no one ever gives me feedback, I sometimes forget, but since this is a new story you`ll probably notice this.
What I do like:
The plot.
The Characters.
Where this might be going.
What I don't like:
Nothing.
How can this Improve?
By trying your absolute hardest and taking your time. Don't worry about getting it out there, worry about the grammar and sentence structure.
In Conclusion:
I absolutely love this story, I can see where this is headed and if you need any advice or help don't hesitate to ask me.
Good luck with the next chapter!
Keep Moving Foward
This story seems to be out of character for Luna. If you look at the first episode, you can see that Luna does not harbor any resentment and instead wants to reconcile and be with her sister.
However...
Your idea seems much more realistic. It would be much more realistic for Luna to harbor some resentment towards Celesta.
Also, what happened to the grass? Are they not going to plant any?
Other than that nice story.
Anti-First Shield Activated.
Chrome? Who is Chrome? Is Chrome an OC?
Good story. Might I suggest some Celestia/Luna intermission, especially so if you're planning on going to each of the Elements and explaining the situation in forthcoming chapters. Just to break up the flow.
Im assuming this Chrome character will turn very relevant to the whole fic since this whole chapter was fleshing out who he is supposed to be and how did he got to this point of the story.
Never the less, Im more curious of which kind of behavior patterns or reactions has Luna shown to Celestia to make her think and consider that Nightmare Moon would happen again, helping us out on see the urgency and gravity of the situation at hoof.
At the risk of sounding repetitive, I really do urge a little change of scene and/or pace. While your writing is excellent, we're four chapters in and the linear path in recruiting each of the Elements is beginning to make the overall tale drag a little.
We could well hit five figures and not yet have even begun the story's central premise. Perhaps Twilight an Rarity might set off for Canterlot and meet with the other Elements there? Or maybe you've something already planned.
I mention this only because I like this story, and am keen to see it kick on.
*sigh* Im sorry but you lost me here, I honestly expected a lil better than this, I honestly want to think this may lead somewhere but Im afraid each chapter so far gets nopony nowhere really fast and I know youve told me that this Chrome character was an experiment of sorts on the whole plot and such, however Im afraid that what's keeping the plot from advancing or acomplish anything is precisely Chrome himself.
Im afraid Ill stop faving this fic and stop reading further tahn this sixth chapter, Im sorry but 6 chapters in and no sign of whats really going on with the princesses? and this fic according to description is about em and their possibly broken relation as sisters. Not Twilight going into all ranges of emotions by the slightliest provocation or stablishing an OC or minor misunderstandings, please dont take this wrong but I believe you can make something very good out of your premise, however this route, again, is getting nopony nowhere, best of luck.
Gandalf and Dumbledore refs. neat
It's so funny how this is called A Royal Problem and one of the newer mlp episodes is called that XD.