A Very Happy and Sunny Life

by Wearin Hat

The Mistakes We Make

Hehe, for once, everything has gone exactly as I have planned it.

I managed to buy everything I needed just in time before the painter and the plumber had closed down. The Nerd was as surprised as I was annoyed that I was back for the thirteenth time in one day. As usual, I had to endure an almost endless barrage of questions, none of which I paid any mind.

There was a snag in my plan, however, when I attempted to buy the poster back, the Nerd wouldn’t let me. She thought something suspicious was happening (Why, who would dare think I, of all ponies, would be up to no good?) and wanted to know exactly what it was I was up to. Being me, I only had one good lie ready.

Booky, please forgive me for having to tell you that I did this. I in no way meant what I said and it will never be true.

With the Nerd staring me down and my entire plan in danger, I told her, “She’s my friend, Twilight. Please?”

Give me a second to fucking vomit.

That bitch bought that and while she did indeed give it (As well as everything else I sold her earlier.) back (For free!) she also gave me a tearful hug, telling me that it was very sweet to hear me say that and she was happy I was coming around. It took everything I had not to puke all over her.

Also, somewhat relevant, Applejack was present when I did this. I didn’t really say anything to her as having to go through what I had just gone through had left me speechless. What is worth mentioning, however, is that she gave a very questioning look when I spoke those accursed words.

If she screws this up for me somehow, then I’m gonna really be upset.

Anypay, there is good news. After I left that disturbing encounter behind I worked a full shift. I’ve got some pretty good things to look at, so, without further delay, let us do it.

BREAK-IT-DOWN!

First item up is yet another appearance by a frequent target of my sales; a mirror. Just like the last one I sold, this is a small mirror meant to be held in a single hoof. What disappoints me is that it has a very bland design to it. Solid red? Who would own something as ugly as this? Well, I guess it does explain why I found the stupid thing. However, I just cannot stay angry at this thing. I mean, just look at that reflection! Perceived value: forty bits, but I’ll mark it up to eighty due to the stud staring back at me.

Do you believe in wizards? I mean, I know all unicorns use magic, but I’m talking about an honest mage. You know, just a regular pony like me (Not like those freaks of nature with wings.) who uses powerful magic. I bring this up because I found a wand. Nifty little thing, if I may say so (I may.). Made entirely out of wood (Perhaps cherry wood?), the intricate carvings this thing has are gorgeous! So far I’ve counted at least five different phoenixes on here. It would be neat if it actually worked. Perceived value: thirty bits, but I’ll mark it up to fifty due to the fact that the stud in the mirror is still looking at me.

I’ve never seen an octopus before. That’s not to say anything against the ocean, but I’ve just never been there. In fact, the only fish I’ve ever seen have been river fish. That being said, I’m almost one hundred percent certain that an octopus doesn’t have gigantic eyes, a cartoonish smile, and bright pink skin. Yeah, look at this stupid thing. What foal in their right mind would want to play with such a garish toy? Disgusting. Perceived value: ten bits.

This is a ball made up to look like the moon. There’s not much more to it than that. It doesn’t even bounce that much. Huh, I guess that makes it more like the real moon as it is pointless and ugly. Perceived value: five bits.

Last on the docket is what appears to be a wooden (Perhaps cherry wood?) box with a tin crank. You know what that means? Jack-in-the-box! I used to love those! At least that’s what I think this is. I’ve cranked it at least three times and it won’t come out. Must be broken. Well, at least the artwork will bump the price up. Looks kinda like a carnival or something. Perceived value: seven bits, but I’ll mark it up to seventeen cause that reflection is just enticing.

Alright, here we are, the build up to my greatest triumph. I have my ammonia, which the bottle cracks me up when I look at it.

“Ammonia? I Just Met Her!” Ha, that’s awesome.

And right here I have my, um, paint thinner? Is that what I need? I kinda rushed my way through the transaction. Hm. Says that it’s meant to help remove paint, dangerous chemical, not to be handled by minors (Hehe, she won’t be handling it, that’s for sure.), and that it shouldn’t be allowed to touch your fur. There! Seems I got the right stuff!

Hm, the paint thinner doesn’t have a funny brand name, though. The painter must mix his own supply at home. Better be strong.

That’s my poster, of course, still looking as ugly as ever.

Oh, right, I never did mention the balloon. Well, yeah, I’ve got this balloon. Found it near the Pinktard’s place. Looks a little dirty. Should still work.

Okay, I just gotta mix this stuff together in this pot and then pour into the balloon. Then we play the waiting game.

Huh, that ammonia’s got a pretty strong smell to it.

Hehe, I could fart right now and I’d never know I farted.

And that’s the paint stuff. Looks kinda weird. Ew, fuck, it smells horrible.

So, what, do I mix it now?

Alright, that should do it. Now I just gotta put it in the balloon and my wrath will be felt!

Ha, see? I told you it would work! This thing is gonna make a little filly really sad! Hahahahaha!

Hehe, you don’t have hooves so I don’t expect you to understand this, but I’ve always enjoyed holding water balloons.

FUCK.

Comments

[Seether00]

Uh oh

[Quaver Ava]

You know what, he's gonna blame Diamond for his chemical burns. For the brain damage the fumes did to his already brain damaged brain. And most importantly, how did he write that last bit? Fuck? The balloon popped and then he turned around to write, "FUCK." no, I think a more appropriate insert here would be splatter of some kind. Maybe scribbles. He made himself some acid and if it works like he planned it to, well, he's not going to be turning to Booky. No, he's gonna scream and throw Booky across the room as he rushes for the bathroom.

Quaver Ava

[terrycloth]

5061572 He was writing when it burst in his hoof, and wrote 'fuck' with the quill already in his teeth because he was in too much shock to start screaming just yet?

[Quaver Ava]

5062858 Sorry there bud, but no go. it's a small plot hole. ;)

[terrycloth]

5063344 Why? I've done similar things myself.