A Very Happy and Sunny Life

by Wearin Hat

Breaking Down

I did some working on my way home from the cemetery. Found some weird stuff, should let me recover from earlier.

First thing I found was something I was unaware even existed; a poster of the Lesbian. Yeah, I know. It’s just as showy as you’d expect from such a foal machine, especially the unnecessary fireworks going off in the air behind her in the picture. Oddly enough this thing is autographed (Presumably by the Lesbian herself.) with the exclamation, “To My Friend,” on it, which is followed shortly after by some scribbling that I assume says Rainbow Dash. That or Painslow Crash, which sounds infinitely better. Perceived value: twenty bits.

If you think that one was weird, then this one should really make your pages cringle. I was passing by Sugarcube Corner (Home of the Pinktard.) when I almost stepped on a cake. Yes, you read that right; a cake, maybe three layers deep, with the message, “I’m Sorry,” written on the top in icing. I haven’t taken a bite yet, but it looks like it may be vanilla or something like that, which would be kind of cool. Perceived value: my stomach has yet to decide.

This is a basket with quills and an unopened bottle of ink inside. That makes this thing pretty neat to me as I was running rather low on both. The quills seem to be really fine ones, too. Maybe eagle feathers? Perhaps hawk? Not sure, but either way these things are nice. I can tell they’re homemade, though. Same with the ink as the bottle only has a tiny butterfly sticker on it. I have no clue what idiot would leave something this nice just kind of sitting around, but it belongs to me now. Perceived value: without price as I am keeping it.

I’m actually pretty excited about this next one, Booky. It’s a bag! Not just a bag, though. Inside this bag are twenty (That’s as many as two tens!) buttons! Making it better is that they are all of very nice quality and seem brand new! I have just the spot for them in my collection! Also, the bag isn’t too bad itself. Very nicely made, hardly any loose threads or anything like that. White in color (Otherwise I wouldn’t have spotted it, though the napkins it was sitting on helped too.) with what look like three diamonds stitched into it. This thing must’ve belonged to Rarity. You know what that means, Booky? High price! Perceived value: the bag should get me seventy bits! The buttons are priceless…to me, at least.

My plan for tomorrow is become very drunk. How do I plan on doing this? Why, with my brand new, though kind of small, barrel of hard apple cider! Found this sucker in a bush. Can you believe that? I’m not sure which of the Apple twins (Applejack and Big Macintosh.) left this thing in a bush, but it belongs to me now! Perceived value: the barrel should fetch me about twenty bits.

The only reason I’m including this is because it has jewels clumsily glued to it. I found this thing on the ground near the barrel. Paper looks like it may be of the school-grade construction variety and the crayons clearly used to write the message and draw some pictures on it were clearly school-grade. Says, “We’re Sorry, but Crusaders Look After Each Other!” Drawn around that message are horrendously mangled versions of Sweetie Belle, Scootatard, and Apple Bloom. So, apparently those idiots glued a bunch of jewels (Sapphires maybe?) to a piece of construction paper as some sort of ‘card’ for another member of their retarded club. A club I regretfully remember I am a member of. Damn it, I had really hoped to have forgotten about that. At least somepony else has to suffer their insufferable stupidity as well. Perceived value: forty bits.

I’m not quite sure how to feel about this next thing. It’s a quilt I found draped over a fence near my house. While nowhere near the quality of the blanket I got from Rarity, this stupid thing is actually really cozy. The stitching seems to have been done by a blind pony, however. This thing is really shoddy when compared to the blanket Rarity gave me. Fabric seems really nice, though, and is even in a somewhat nice shade of pink. What really sticks out is the message stitched into one of the squares, “Made with Love,” which is cheesy as fuck. Still, this thing is incredibly warm for a piece of crap. Perceived value: about fifteen bits if I were to sell it. I’m gonna keep it, though.

Now, before you start in on me, it’s not my fucking fault I stepped on this bouquet of roses, okay? They weren’t in the light or anything and I didn’t see them until I heard a crunch. So yeah, these are basically just trash. And the ONLY reason I bother bringing them up at all is that the tiny little tie made to keep the bundle from falling apart has a gold clasp on it. Just a tiny little gold thing that has a rose etched into it. So yeah, not a complete waste. Perceived value: fifty bits.

I’ve never owned a record player before. Even Mom didn’t have one. So, as you’d imagine, me finding one this nice INTACT in the street is some pretty nice luck (Fuck you, royal bitches, can’t strike me down every time!) for me to have. It has a nice wooden box (Perhaps cherry wood?) with a brass crank and a VERY ornate bell. I’m not joking. Look at this thing; it’s absolutely covered in intricate floral patterns with what appear to be musical notes. I would sell it. I mean it; I would sell this thing this instant and make a killing if it were not for the fact that it already has a record in it. The label says, “For You,” on it, which tells me little (Perhaps the name of the band?) and let me tell you something, the songs on this thing are almost magical. The most beautiful cello music I’ve ever heard. No wonder Octavia wanted to play the cello. If I knew that gigantic thing could make sounds like this then I might’ve learned how to play it! Perceived value: it’s mine, so no value.

Last thing on the docket is incredibly eerie. I found it on the ground by my front door. At first glance it appears to just be a picture of two foals, two foal machines, and a stallion in the far background. At first I only got excited at the quality of the frame. However, my eyes froze when I noticed just how hauntingly beautiful the smile of one of the foal machines was. It was about that time I realized that this picture has my mother in it. She’s lying down on a blanket across from the other foal machine (A pony I do not recognize.). Between them is what’s got me teary eyed. Sitting there hugging a little filly is me, took me a minute to figure that out.

Now that I’m thinking about it, I remember this picture. It was taken before any of the crap of my life happened to me. Back when I still had friends and a family. The filly I’m hugging is clearly Blossom. This photo was taken at her birthday party, a party I attended. A party I appear to be enjoying.

The last picture I had of Mom was lost in the fire. So I’m going to keep this, forever. Perceived value: priceless.

And no, I’m not going to mention that the stallion in the background of the picture is recently deceased.

Before I put you down and cry myself to sleep, there is one last thing I found. Pinned to my door was a letter authored by the Nerd.

Dear Ipsa,

I’m sorry to disturb you in your time of mourning but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. All of us are sorry you’re going through such a thing right now. I don’t know how the others are going to go about telling you, but I figured you’d most appreciate a brief letter.

Your Friend,

Twilight Sparkle

I’ll leave you to think that over.

Comments

[Jack Kellar]

Considering mr. Unica's... unique mentality, he probably does genuinely think these are misplaced items instead of gifts. That makes it all the more sad.

[Seether00]

Shit. He's got friends now.

How can revenge happen how?

[Savant Sentral]

Ipsa is SO clueless it pisses me off. Plus, I hate/like/pity him. Goddamit why isn't this more popular. It's amazing.

[Mad Maudlin]

Did.. did his parents drop him on his head when he was young? Repeatedly maybe?