A Very Happy and Sunny Life

by Wearin Hat

Entry 15: BLARG

GAH! GUH! GUBBA DUBBA SHUBB! GLAH! BLABIDABA! FLIPIDITY (GWAHAHABABIDTY MIJIILOPOOP!) FLOPIDITY SHOOP! SHOOP! FLAH! PLAH! PAH! KALARTIGARIGAHLIMANITARP!

…Sorry about that Booky…I just…had to get that…out of my system…hold on…I think I’ve still got some left…

MEH! NIKLAPTABART! FOOP! FOOPTY POOP! PLOP! ZIGGY PIGGY WIGGY SHOOP! GLARP!

…There…that should about do it…now…please give me a second to compose myself before I go on…better make that two seconds…

Alrighty then, I think I’m good now. Let’s do this!

This my first mevening after attending school with the brat. I believe it will never be an experience I will ever truly enjoy. It goes without saying that I’m tired as crap and that my patience is kind of whittled to a dangerous low. However, things are still salvageable as, despite my tiredness, my level of fatigue is actually pretty low. I won’t go into details but I will mention that being treated to a very warm breakfast by Blossom (I refuse to call her Miss Cheerilee unless I’m in class.) helped immensely.

To be honest, the majority of the time spent in class was actually rather interesting and I found it to be only mildly unbearable. The worst part was that I firmly had the attention of every filly and colt (With the obvious exception of V as she is apparently best filly.) in the class. Blossom introduced V to the class to some success; everypony there seemed legitimately interested in meeting her. That kind of fell apart when Blossom mentioned that V doesn’t talk much (Try at all.) and two fillies scoffed and started whispering insults about V to each other. I can’t believe how much I missed witnessing the cruelty of foalhood firsthoof.

Well, their little gossip stopped when Blossom gave the class her (Fake.) reason that I was there; the school’s new Building Maintenance Manager….which one of the colts (A dapper young fellow by the name of Snails.) correctly relabeled as being the school’s new janitor. Well, the fillies’ gossip didn’t actually stop there. It really stopped when she announced that I was also V’s caregiver. I suppose they weren’t expecting that one. Allow me to explain in the next paragraph.

Throughout the course of the day I came to understand that my reputation amongst the foals of Ponyville is indeed as dubious as I had previously thought. Many had no clue that the creepy blank flank who only came out at night was actually me. Some were beyond terrified by the no doubt flattering stories made up about me. Three fillies in particular (Two of whom I kind of recognize, but more on that in a moment.) seemed very interested in the fact that I was still a blank flank. The two who sat there coming up with insults for V are the two who will eventually receive my wrath. You see, I know all of this because I don’t think any of them realized that I could actually hear their whisperings pretty good. Brats, they probably expected to me to have degenerated hearing or something old ponies have…I’m not old…I’m refreshingly aged to an acceptable point...I think.

Anypoo (Ha, I said poo!), the two fillies seemed to abandon their conversation about V as they went on for about two hours how fitting it was that the school janitor was a blank flank whose house burned down. Yep, those two. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

Current targets for my eventual rage fueled vengeance: Derpy Hooves, Pinkie Pie, Silver Spoon, and Diamond Tiara.

Well, after their two hours of trash talking about the new janitor (If you can’t see what I did there then I believe our partnership has come to a close.) I found that the foal sitting nearest to my chair in the corner (A pegasus named Featherweight.) is gonna be my favorite out of this class. This kid knows the most interesting thing I’ve ever heard; photography (Which I am in no way lying about.). It goes without saying that he will be a focal point for me during the boring moments of class. If I recall correctly, my note passing skills are the best in history so our correspondence will go unhindered by Blossom’s teaching. However, I do not think I can declare him a friend or an acquaintance or anything like that as he happens to be head of the school newspaper and I don’t trust reporters. Seriously, reporters are like mares with cameras. Not only will they betray your trust, but they’ll document it while they do.

Other than the two hours of listening to two targets make things worse for themselves and trading humorous jabs with my boy Featherweight, my time was taken up by observing the strange actions and reactions of three fillies in particular. The group is made up of an orange pegasus, a yellow Earth pony, and a white unicorn…cause…you know…it’d be offensive if any race was left out of their group.

Nope, not gonna go on one of those tangents. I’ll save that for later. I’d rather focus for now.

I recognize the unicorn and I kind of recognize the Earth pony. Obviously, the unicorn filly is Rarity’s little sister Sweetie Belle. I kind of like her a little bit. The few times I’ve ever encountered her at Rarity’s she’s been just as respectful as her sister and has thus earned my patience. However, I’m sure that the coming week of school will prove me wrong about her…cause…you know…I’m such an optimist and everything.

The Earth pony seems vaguely familiar. I believe she’s Big Mac’s little sister, but I can’t for the life of me think of her name. Oh well, not important.

I don’t recognize the pegasus and I can already tell after observing the way she talks and moves that she is a careless tomboy…you know…the kind that leave the town in shambles come nightfall.

The only reason I’ve taken the time to point them out individually is because they have become V’s very first friends and I’m sure my interactions with them will not be kept at the preferred maximum of none. Luckily, they were too focused on bothering V to talk to me, which means that I should be proud that V’s finally starting to earn some brownie points of her own.

However, my interactions with the foals only took up maybe three hours at a combined total. Sure, that’s not including the messes I had to clean up that were obviously intentionally made by some fillies or colts. To my pleasure, Blossom allowed me to address the class personally about the issue of cleaning their messes. Allow me to recount to you my wonderful speech, “Hello class, as your teacher has already informed you, my name is Ipsa Unica, but you may call me Mr. Unica. I will also go by Sir, Mr. Bob, or Sire. The reason I am here is because your teacher has hired me as the school’s new Building Maintenance Manager. That means that I’ll clean whatever messes are made so that you all can focus on the learning part of being smart. However, do not take me lightly. Should I catch ANY of you intentionally making a mess, I’ll MAKE you clean it up for me. I know what you are all thinking, that I’m mean and that a punishment like that is pretty harsh. Well good job on spotting the obvious. If you do not want to clean your mess then I propose that none of you make a mess intentionally.” The looks on their faces were priceless.

As I was saying before I kind of veered off…yeah…my time was spent rather boringly during class. Since I have absolutely no interest in learning anything cause I am smarts, I spent the majority of my time eyeing Blossom’s body. I must say that she has filled out wonderfully since her time as a filly. I am particularly impressed by her sizable backside. Oh, you didn’t know? I’m all about booty.

I’m gonna take am minute here to thank Celestia for mares with sizable backsides. I mean, they really make going to the market worth it. And no, I’m talking about fatties like the one over at Sugarcube Corner. I’m talking about mares like Blossom, Applejack, the mare who sells bonbons, and the mare who sells carrots. Oh, and of course I can’t leave out the heavenly booty of our ruler.

What’s wonderful is that Blossom becomes so engrossed in teaching that she really loses track of time and position of her body. More than once I was treated to a nice view of her marehood and I must say that I am satisfied with the quality of attractiveness she has. If not for Octavia’s firmly toned body then I’d definitely turn plan GETIN’ BUSY towards Blossom. In fact, once Octavia wises up and betrays me like every other mare ever has, I will indeed try my hoof at getting some quality strange from the teacher.

Oh my, am I the only one who just had a shiver run up their spine?

Speaking of Octavia, our dinner (As she would define it.) date is scheduled to occur in five minutes. That means that I can’t linger this mevening.

My parting words are more of reminder for me than they are for you. My plan is to escort Octavia home after we eat and, assuming she doesn’t jump me like my dreams would have believe would happen, I’ll get straight to work as early as I can. I want to turn in at least two or three hours early so that I can actually get some damn sleep.

Now if you don’t mind, I’m afraid my hotness alone won’t burst Octavia into flames of arousal. To counter whatever mental resistance she has set up, I’ve decided to turn my SWAG on. Yeah, if I don’t get laid nightday then I’ll be really disappointed. Let’s hope V doesn’t screw things up…

Comments

[sierra_seven_]

Oh shit, he turned his SWAG on. Watch out Ponyville, Jersey Shore ain't got nothin' on Ipsa.

[Savant Sentral]

1189846
mares of ponyville: WE LOVE YOU IPSA!!!
Ipsa: Sure you do (treacherous mares).