A Very Happy and Sunny Life

by Wearin Hat

Entry 13: Why Must I Squirm?

Sometimes I like to think Mom would be proud of me. I like to sit around and just remember that smile of hers. It isn’t always easy as I’ve blocked out a lot of those memories, but the ones I can recall are pretty much treasures to me. Sometimes I feel cold and empty inside and I can’t help but remember her and feel the pain slip away. That’s what love is.

Heh, she used to make the absolute best pancakes in the world. Even that crap of a father of mine enjoyed them. Fuck, he even ate breakfast with us when she made pancakes. I suppose she wasn’t the best cook in the world, but she was the best cook in my world.

She made everything better. A rainy day to anypony else meant water and wetness, to her it meant we could play Super Stallion. I miss the games she used to play with me. True to form, even the ones that were stupid for the foal version of me were fun with her.

In a way I still haven’t gotten over her passing. Sometimes I wake up and expect to hear her cheerful singing in the kitchen, other times I wake up and wish I could hear it. A thought of her rushes through my mind with every bite of any pancake I ever eat. That crap even happens with things that you wouldn’t think it would happen with. I’ve even gotten sudden memories from just tossing chunks of wood into Carty. Bees are the worst though.

I've never been good with those damn things and it got worse after she died. It’s why I hate pretty much all insects everywhere. When I hear the buzzing of tiny wings, I lose it. I also hate trees because of it; now that I think of it, if it weren’t for the necessity that Twilight served, then I’d never go anywhere near that fucking library. Not only is it a tree, but it has a fucking bee hive right there in its branches!

See? I want her right now, I want to feel her warm legs wrap around me to wash away all of this crap. I’d even tolerate being in my father’s presence if it meant going back in time before she died. I know it’s a fools dream…I can’t help it though…I want my Mommy back…she’s the only good dream I ever have.

That brings me to why I’m depressed right now. I’m sure you’ve been wondering that up until that point and are probably eager for an answer, but give me a second, Booky. It isn’t easy missing your mom…especially when you remember that you haven’t even thought about her for almost two months…

Around noon (An evil time of day.) I was woken from my slumber by somepony knocking on my door. Can you guess who it was? Go on, I’ll give you a chance to guess it. No? Okay, be that way you freaking stick in the mud.

Standing on the other side of my front door was none other than fucking Twilight Sparkle. Yep, I can tell you know just how happy I was to see her. Being the kind and understanding pony that I am, I greeted her with a simple, “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!” Do you think she caught on that I was a little upset at being bothered in the middle of my sleepy time? Cause I think I could use a bit more subtly.

She told me that she was here to take me to go and meet somepony named Miss Cheerilee. Let me rephrase that, she was here to take the filly to go meet somepony named Miss Cheerilee. I had to tag along for two raisins…I mean reasons…forgive me, I haven’t had breakfast yet. One, the damn foal won’t go anywhere without me right fucking next to her. Two, apparently Cheerilee needed the presence of the filly’s legal guardian or something, which I technically am until the girl’s family shows up looking for her.

Let me tell you who Miss Cheerilee turned out to be and why I don’t care much for her. You see, when I was a foal, I went to school for a little while before Daddy dearest decided my education wasn’t worth the hype everypony was giving it. While in school, I had classmates of similar age to myself. One of them, apparently, was Miss Cheerilee. I’m sorry, let me use her full name rather than formal crap; Blossom Cheerilee. If she went by Miss Blossom then I probably would’ve recognized her before I had to fucking meet her. You see, she was one of the last foals I remember talking to before I decided that isolating myself would be fun. Thus, she is not somepony I would usually associate myself with ever.

What she had to say didn’t fucking help either. Apparently there’s some law or something about foals being in school nowadays. WHERE THE FUCK WAS THAT WHEN I WAS A FOAL?! SEE, DO YOU FUCKING SEE?! THERE’S A CONSPIRA-FUCKING-CY AGAINST ME!

Sorry about that…I don’t quite know what came over me there for a second. Where was I? Oh yeah, that crap.

School starts at 7 in the bucking morning. Yep, my sleepy time. Guess when it ends? THAT’S RIGHT! 3 in the fucking afternoon! I will be getting less sleep because of this crap! Want to know what else Celestia saw fit to have happen to me in that damn meeting?! I have to ATTEND CLASS until that fucking filly can sit in class without me. When Twilight suggested that as an answer to the filly’s reluctance to leave my side, I felt like bucking the foal in the neck and being done with it. My damned fatigue at being woken WAY TOO DAMN EARLY stopped me doing so.

There were two positive notes about waking up so damn early and being about town. One, Twilight happened to have my payment for my work this month! FUCK YEAH! FIVE HUNDRED BITS RIGHT INTO DRAIN! Oh, I didn’t mention that yet? Having a filly in the house has forced me to accommodate for her Celestia-damned gluttonous hunger. The other good thing was that I got to run into Octavia, who actually seemed happy to see me! Yep, I’m feeling good about plan GETTIN’ BUSY!

She and I scheduled dinner at a café around five tomorrow. That’s great, gives me two hours to clean up after getting home from fucking school. What’s that you say? Why will it take me two hours to wash up? Well, my bookish friend, I’ll have to personally bathe the damn filly and thus bathe myself afterwards as she’ll get me covered in bath water. Oh, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I have to take her with me on the date. Yep, getting laid is going to be REALLY HARD (Heh, I said hard.) with her around. Oh well, at least she seems like she can tolerate the nuisance better than I can.

And no, that damn filly has yet to speak a single damn word. Want to know something funny? That little aspect of her personality that I’ve cherished up until nightday has a nasty side-effect; nopony knows her bucking name and she kind of needs that.

When it comes to names, I like to stick to my family’s tradition of using ancient Equestrian to name new members of the family, even if they are temporary. Mom named me using that tradition.

What, didn’t Ipsa Unica strike you as being an odd pony name? No? Well, how high society of you, Booky. You’ve actually just earned another brownie point! Only a few left there, old chap!

Now please, allow me to elaborate as to what my name means in ancient Equestrian; Ipsa Unica stands for ‘very unique’ in that old language. Oh, no, you don’t have to tell me; I’m well aware that it’s an ironic name for a blank flank. I don’t bucking care, my Mommy thought I was unique and that’s always mattered to me more than some stupid picture on my plot. As for the filly, I went for something similarly symbolic whilst retaining a redundancy to make me smile every time I hear it being said; Vocem Non, which means ‘no voice’ in ancient Equestrian.

Unfortunately, Blossom seemed to remember why my name was ancient Equestrian as she apparently couldn’t help asking me how I’ve been since Mom died. REALLY? THAT’S THE FUCKING QUESTION SHE HAD TO ASK?! Well, being the level headed stallion that I’m known for being, I answered her as politely as I could, “I’m glad you asked, Miss Cheerilee. I’ve had my house burn down on top of me, I’ve almost burned to death in a slow inferno, I lost all of my most important possessions, I’m still a fucking blank flank, my father was an abusive fuck, I had to wonder daily whether or not I’d fight him, he left me home alone to go run off with a mare two years my junior, I’ve got Celestia’s personal negative attention apparently, and I lead a charmingly lonely life. That about answer your question?”

Yep, I went there. I stormed off with the filly (Who I must remember to starting labeling as V cause single letter name’s rule.) in tow. Luckily I ran into Octavia and was able to put that whole crap behind before coming home and crying myself to sleep.

Now, what does my nightday look like? Well, I no longer have to go talk to Twilight, Mayor Mare, or anypony else. So…I guess that leaves…shopping for school supplies…yay…

Author's Note:

Greetings true believers! It is I, the great Wearin Hat! I just wanted to thank everyone for reading and loving this story. It really touches me that you guys like it. My greatest joy in life, besides banana pudding, is knowing that I've accomplished something. When I see your positive and humorous comments, I can't help but know that I've made you all smile in some way. Whether that be through Derpabuse, Pinkabuse, Dashabuse, or anything at all.

However, I do have a request that I must make before I sign off and leave y'all to your ditry bits. Share this story. Share with your friends, family, loved ones, hated ones, allies, enemies, angels, demons, Celestia, Luna, or your Aunt Sasha. Share the story of Ipsa Unica, the Happiest Pony in Equestria!

That's all for now true believers. This is Wearin Hat signing off for now.

Hats off to ya!

Comments

[EveningShadows]

It always makes me happy to see that unhappy happy face when you put out an update

[Kentle Colt]

Picked this up on a whim. I was bored, and I kinda like the slice of life diaries you see now and again. Sure, its only Chapter 13, the last comment was nearly a year ago, but ya know what? I'm compelled to say I love this character. I don't like -him-, but I like what he -is-. He's oh so flawed, in such an over the top way, it works. Reading about the loss of his mother, the abandonment of his father, loss of his home, his own narcissism, his borderline homicidal mentality. All of this put together to make such a unique and surprisingly enjoyable character.

Around chapter 8 or so, I was extremely uncomfortable as I read through his thoughts on derpy. The fact that we went into murder territory, shocked me, but understanding this is where he vents, I got the vibe he'd never actually hurt anypony...till he fought Rainbow Dash, and crippled her. Straight up went for a disabling shot on purpose. I was surprised, and I was interested.

I'm itching, because I still have another 22 chapters to go. I love it when I have a bunch more left to read! I'm looking forward to see how this turns out!

[zooba]

For whatever reason, jerks, psychopaths and sociopaths seem a lot more endearing when the story is from their perspective.