A Very Happy and Sunny Life

by Wearin Hat

Back To Form

Huh. Alright, I guess that just happened. Well, before we move onto my issues, please allow me to take care of something first.

That would be a no to the Nerd as I don’t particularly need anything at the moment and I will say yes to Octavia. I’ll ponder on that whilst I write, however, as there are things to be said.

Firstly, I cannot tell you just how satisfying it is to see V’s hoofwriting. I’m not lying (For once.) when I say it literally brought a smile to my face.

I love that filly, Booky. Not in the perverted way. Could it be perhaps that I see her as something of a daughter to me? I mean, I guess, but I never really took myself the type of stallion who dreams about being a parent. It may have something to do with her less than stellar parental situation and my (Ahem.) troubled one, though that’s stretching the line a bit to say I feel empathy here. I suppose the most truth that can be had in regards to my feelings here is that V is my friend, my beloved best friend.

Damn it, Booky, yes, you’re my best friend too. I can have more than one. And I guess that includes Carty too, but he’s still kind of a jerk.

When she gets out of the hospital, she and I are going to spend a good deal of time together. I don’t particularly care how bad that’ll look. She makes my days better, simple as that. I’ll give her rides in Carty, teach her how to collect buttons, play the kazoo for her, and all other kinds of fun things.

However, there remains an issue in the way; Diamond Tiara. She will not escape my wrath. The Derptard and the Pinktard get away with it cause all they did was harm me. If you do not understand by this point how much shit ‘life’ (Fucking conspiracy.) likes to put on me, then you must not be paying attention.

Does that mean they will get off without a scratch? Oh my no, their reckoning will come in due time. Diamond Tiara, however, fucked with the wrong filly and she’s gonna learn that lesson. A lesson all of Ponyville had better take clear notice of. You do not, for any reason, fuck with V.

That brings me to what has consumed me since I read V’s message to you (Fuck your privacy. You are MY book, after all.).

Do you recall that V made a wish, Booky? She did and I am obliged to make it true. She wished that Diamond Tiara’s cutie mark would disappear. Consider it done.

I’ve been thinking this one over for at least five minutes, so please stick with me as I work this out.

Contrary to what you may think, cutie marks are not emblazoned onto our furs. They are, in fact, present on our skin as well. To remove a cutie mark you must remove both the fur and the skin.

Now, how do I go about accomplishing such a thing, you would ask if you had a mouth? Well, my bookish friend, I think I know something that just might do the trick.

In town there is a stallion who sells painting materials. Among the paints, brushes, and the other crap he sells, he carries paint remover. At least I think that’s what you call it. This stuff is meant to eat through paint and make it easier to scrape off whatever surface it was on.

I see you have an idea of where I’m going with this.

The only problem is that I don’t think that stuff is strong enough for the job in mind, so I’m gonna have to make it stronger. Ammonia ought to do the trick. If I’m remembering correctly, I can get some from the town’s local plumber.

I can’t do this myself, however. As you might be able to tell, this plan is a bit less subtle than the ones I tried previously. So, should I suddenly show up and drown the bitch in the stuff, the bystanders are gonna have an interesting story for the royal guards who I’m sure would love any exscuse available to kill me.

Yep, I need a proxy, somepony to take the fall for me. You might recognize that as being a particularly vexing problem as I have access to exactly zero ponies who would willingly do something like that for me.

Hm.

There has to be somepony, Booky. I’ve come too far into my plan to…hehe, win! I have an idea!

Booky, as you’ll recall, I am the newest member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders (Ugh, tastes like I just drank ammonia.). That is a club that includes four other members: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle (Who I have yet to see wear her tiara recently.), V, and the Scootatard. Scootatard, as I have noticed, is obsessed with the Lesbian.

My plan is to go back to the Nerd’s…again...damn it. I don’t wanna go back. Plus, it’s getting late.

Fucking damn it, the things I do for that filly.

My plan is to go acquire the ammonia, the paint stuff, some balloons, and to go back to the Nerd’s and reacquire that poster of the Lesbian. I’ll mix the chemicals together until I get the acidity I’m looking for at which point I’ll pour it into a balloon. Following that I will promise the Scootatard that poster in return for hitting Diamond Tiara square in the cutie mark with a ‘water’ balloon.

The biggest issue with that plan is that the Scootatard might squeal on me. Hm. That presents a significant problem. I cannot trust her to keep her mouth shut on principle alone and that poster won’t buy me that much loyalty.

I suppose I could threaten her, which could work. You know, tell her that if she doesn’t do as told and keep her mouth shut then I’ll do something horrible. Only issue is that the immediate response to that would likely be to run crying and find the first adult, which would make this whole endeavor pointless.

She’s too young for me to seduce her into doing such a thing and to manipulate her emotions. Also, there’s the chance she might actually fall for me and I absolutely do not want to have to deal with a lovestruck filly trying to fuck me.

Hm. I guess that leaves the Lesbian. I suppose I could manipulate her hero worship. You know, tell her that if she tells anypony about my involvement then I won’t let her have the tickets I have for a Wonderbolts show, the other ticket belonging to the Lesbian. I’ll have to get my hooves on some Wonderbolt tickets, but it should do the trick.

I won’t mess up this time, Booky. I promise.

Comments

[Seether00]

don't do it

[Wearin Hat]

5061262

Oh Seether, you should know better by now.

[Quaver Ava]

Holy shit! And right after I start feeling a possible reasonable good ending coming and you pull this shit on us what?! No. This is?! Waht? holy shit, shit, fuck. I'mma go flip tables now. No, AAAHH! *Continues to freak out* Aahhhh! Nooo. Ipsa, you idiot, how?! Aaaahh! No, how the hell, oh God... :(

Quaver Ava

[StapleCactus]

Industrial strength paint thinner and ammonia... I don't see them mixing well enough to get much of an increase of acidity he is desiring here. What I can see is Diamond Tiara ending up with 3rd degree chemical burns from the paint thinner alone that permanently removes her cutie mark and fur, so... here's hoping he fails. She doesn't need to be THAT badly punished. Learning a lesson that scars on the inside is better for her future, after all.