• Member Since 19th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Prane


Aspiring writer, self-proclaimed hardcore gamer, adept of human psychology. Does not consider excessive pride for a vice.

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Source

In the aftermath of the Storm King's power play, Tempest Shadow finds herself at a crossroads once again. She hasn't been banished, but no party can change the festering feeling of being out of place. Exploring the caves underneath Canterlot, she stumbles upon an odd, crimson shard, and a spirit of a lost king who promises to mend her broken horn—and while he's at it, to help her get her old life back.

The hornless pony finds the ponyless horn's offer tempting.

Recommended by PresentPerfect here!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 42 )

Hello and welcome to The Unbroken Spirit!

Needless to say, it's a story inspired by the movie (which I've actually seen at the cinema - and let me tell you, should I have kids, they will be able to hold their popcorn to the moment they're seated!). Tempest Shadow caught my attention and demanded a tale, so I did my best to deliver. Read on to discover her vulnerabilities, her desires, and her special talent as well.

Another layer of the story is of course King Sombra. Remember that scene when the good guys blasted him into oblivion? His horn in particular was seen flying away, but where did it land? Who found it? Where did they put it, and for what reason? You may find some answers to these questions too!

Enjoy! :twilightsmile:

This is one of the rare few stories I have come across that actually flat out state that obvious piece of fan fiction fuel. The severed horn of Sombra is one of those things I'm waiting to fall into the hooves, or claws of some new villian in show canon. However, good job on captializing on such a theme. I'll save this for a later read tonight or at work tomorrow.

Well, that was definitely intriguing. Had me caught up from beginning to end. Well done.

8518162
Happy reading, then. Looking forward to hearing your opinion. :)

8518171
This is high praise, thank you for checking it out - I'm glad you enjoyed! :)

That was... interesting, and very well written. Bonus points for a small pun about ponyless horn.
Heh. I had a similar idea, but it was starting with Tempest being sent by Map in Twilight's castle to the frozen wastelands - and finding Sombra's horn. I doubt that I could describe it half as good as you did.

8518191
Don't sell yourself short! As long as there were no snow-covered ursas, I'm sure Tempest would enjoy such a trip. Plus, if it was the map sending her, there would definitely be space for a different, more friendship-oriented resolution of such a find - in here, I didn't feel like giving Sombra another chance, but maybe your Tempest would.

Thanks for reading! :)

A fun little jaunt down the way of what could be.

You would consider taking that horn?

TEMPEST SHADOW, YOU STUPID HORSE!

Why would you even want magic? You can do aerial stunts and attacks to kick petrifying grenades at princess, and you beat up a huge fish monster! IF YOU CAN DO THAT IN THE MOVIE, WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT MAGIC? YOU'RE CLEARLY BETTER WITHOUT IT!!!!

Rant other. Disengage. Good story author. Will like and add to watch.

...I kinda want to read the Bad End version of this story now...

8518415
So exactly what I intended to produce, nice! Thank you for giving it a read. :)

8518536
Probably because aerial stunts, pirouettes and somersaults are impressive and all, but only with colorful magic tying them together they look truly fabulous - or so Tempest thought, clearly undercutting her own talent and fixating on what she lost instead on what she still had!

I happy to hear you considered the story good, thanks for dropping by! :)

Hmm.

Every bit of foreshadowing pointed towards her taking the horn, and as such, I was pleasantly surprised when she didn't.

Go girl, Fizzy!

8519334
It was a pleasant little stop on my travels across the web. Thank you for the hospitable pit-stop. ;)

Nice take on a more detailed backstory for Tempest. The dancing talent is an interesting idea.

8519115
Yes, going an alternate route with this story occurred to me! In the end, I decided to let Tempest's hopeful side win - but it was quite the battle I fought with Sombra over her, I tell you that! Still, I'd love to see an alternate ending.

8519971

Congratulations for writting such a compelling, clever version of Sombra. In fact , he reminds me to Sauron in his Annatar persona, back when he lured others with "gifts" than eventually became their undoings .
Also a masterly done Tempest , cold and callous in the surface yet with an inner fire of passion and goodness. And wise enough to fall in such traps.

8519500
Go girl indeed! If there's one thing you can say about her it would be that she's tough. Physically, as presented in the movie, but in spirit as well, hopefully noticeable in this story. :)

8519725
Anytime, I hope you'll find yourself stopping on some of my other twenty-seven stops in the future! ;)

8519942
It's more of a gymnastics/acrobatics than your usual dancing, but still, someone who has a feel of her own body should do well. Come to think of it, she has that one line that parties in Equestria never change... which implies she was on at least several parties... which means she was participating in the fun... which means she had to dance at some point--new headcanon, she was actually the queen of the dance floor in her youth! :D

8520416
I might drop by again after I sort out a few new ideas for animations and whatnot for my YouTube channel. Thank you very much, good sir. :)

8520166
Thank you Raistlin, you are most kind! Sombra is possibly the only antagonist I'm comfortable thinking about as a true villain. NMM is too classic and already fully discovered, Chrysalis is too fun to make her plain evil, Discord is just being himself etc., but Sombra is the evil overlord I can get behind.

As for Tempest, I'm glad you considered her portrayal a good mixture of coldness and fiery passion - that's pretty much what I was aiming for. :)

B-b-but I wanted to read about Sombra-possessed Tempest. :raritydespair:

I hadn't twigged that Sombra wanted Tempest to fuse his horn with her broken one until the first time he hissed about crystals. But this moment of utter cluelessness did allow for a wonderful realization... only for me to be surprised once more when Fizzlepop refused the offer, which I'd have seen coming if I had noticed the story was complete.

Who said stupidity couldn't be useful? :trollestia:

Sombra (sorry, Sssombra) and Tempest were delightful in this and the narration smoothed perfectly. I didn't find any typo either. Tempest's background and dreams about dancing gymnastics were interesting as well. I'd love to see more stories from you about either character. :twilightsmile:

Especially if it's a long, multi-chaptered story about Tempest trying to resist Sombra's possession all the while he's trying to corrupt her. :rainbowwild:

8518536 Would you refuse the offer to get your lost legs back (ignoring the fact the scene in this story was so shifty a choir of two hundred cultists was probably singing "This is shady! This is shay-di!" to the tune of O Fortuna in the background) just because you happened to be the world's best pianist? Keep in mind magic is as much a part of unicorns as any limb or sense is part of humans.

8532026
You know what they say - if it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid! :trollestia:

[redacted] and Tempest were delightful in this and the narration smoothed perfectly. I didn't find any typo either. Tempest's background and dreams about dancing gymnastics were interesting as well.

Thank you kindly for your feedback, and apologies for the story taking a different turn than you expected. Like I said in some other comment, I wasn't certain how exactly the story would end until I got there. Apparently, goodness of her heart prevailed and I couldn't be more content. Going the other way, there would have to be, like you said, a multi-chaptered piece talking about Tempest's descent into madness... and some glorious conquest of the Crystal Empire while we're at it!

I'd love to see more stories from you about either character.

I currently have no plans for writing more Tempest (and that Sunset Shimmer fic won't write itself!). I've given her some past and a little less uncertain future ahead of her, so I can only hope she will fare well. As for that other guy, I will have use for him at some point. He really, badly, wants to go outside and play...

8532026
I'd give my legs up just to BE the world's greatest pianist. At least then I'd probably have a chance to be a somebody. In fact while we're at it; I'll even exchange my liver, a lung and my sole remaining kidney for a chance to be in the spotlight for a while, just to see what it is like to be popular, that moment where you don't feel like a loser anymore.

So yeah, your riposte kind of backfired on you there. My apologies to you.

8532101Don't be sorry for the story taking a turn I didn't expect, it was great either way. :twilightsmile: And I needed to reread the fic to remember that the reason she resisted the second temptation was indeed related to the goodness of her heart, because I only remembered the first temptation, where it was more common sense/intelligence/survival instinct, which is only reinforced when the reader discovers the reality of Sombra's visions. It was more refusal to become a slave who will either be thrown away once no more needed or, like you said, will lose her mind.

"Someone who would decide for her." is a great line, incidentally.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

A rhythm gymnast? Fantastic. :D That last line of hers was stellar, too.

8632836
Happy to hear you found it feasible! The way she attacked and fought in the movie was obviously badass, but it also had that innate elegance to it - hence the idea. :)

Oh, boy...A Tempest/Fizzlepop meets Sombra fanfic?

I'm in.

8636629
Getting a reader hooked is only half of the success - be sure to let me know what do you think about the story once you read it! :)

8636676
Just finished reading it. It was great! Although I have to admit, I didn't expect it to be so short. But it was very nicely done all the same.

By the way, I'm actually writing a story of my own. If you could check it out and give me some feedback, that would be great.

Again, really good story!

One thing that intrigued me: Celaeno's species is identified as "parroquai" in this story. Where'd you get that name from?

8655113
Made it up myself.

Much like I didn't like classifying Diamond Dogs as "dogs" and started calling the species "houndrels" in my stories (because there's a Diamond Dog-dog and there's Winona-dog; it's unfair to either to have a single name describing them both), in this case I also wanted to make a distinction between a "parrot", which is a funny little bird, and a "parroquai" - a proud race of flock-oriented hunters known for their love of flashy colors and ability to mimic sounds.

The word itself comes from French "perroquet" which translates to - you guessed it - a parrot! :twilightsmile:

8655163
Cool! I thought it was from some mythological thing.

Do you mind if I use those names in some of my stories, if I give you credit?

8655258
Sure, feel free to do so!

8655262
Thanks! I'm actually going to try and touch up parts of my own story. Be sure to check it out when you get the chance.

I feel like this would be part of the movie as an extra.

8659281
Thank you, I'm happy that you think it would fit! :raritywink:

Are you going to do more "aftermath" stories with the new characters? I'd really like to see your take on what happens to the rest of them after the movie.

8665689
Not really, I've got my hands full with current projects. I don't think there was any other character in the movie that would caught my interest as Tempest did.

8665913

I don't think there was any other character in the movie that would caught my interest as Tempest did.

...said pretty much the fanbase.

But anyway, it's alright. Just asking.

Just found something in regards to Celaeno's species. In this chapter book, Celaeno describes herself as coming from "Ornithia", which I assume is her homeland.

So there. We have an origin point, and a species name: Ornithians.

Not that this changes the story in the slightest.

8891470
Indeed we have, and I think Ornithia is a pretty solid name. It sounds like a place for multiple bird-like species, though, not only parrots, so perhaps they also have condors and falcons and whatnots flying around.

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