Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, and their friend group are newly equipped with magical super powers, and have certainly proven themselves when it comes to magic threats. But something is rotten in Canterlot City, and criminals have now attracted their attention. Now, the girls must find a way to use their abilities to protect people from a threat far closer to home. Of course, such a task is not without risks...
(Cover art by WubcakeVA)
Nice picture of Tempest, not perfect but nice.
I'm still thinking about reading it or not, since I have a tiny problem with how or why they are able to transform in the human world. Lately the show and the movies aren't only including good things into the show.
Very well described except one minor detail you his except her skin.
You have my attention. I liked your other work, so let's see where this goes. Having him be a crime boss rather than just starting him with overt magic (though who's so say if that will change) was a bold move, but I like it.
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To be honest, having him as just a normal crime boss seemed natural to me.
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Like I said, I enjoy it. I kinda miss having more of the normal crime bosses versus the heroes. In Batman: TAS, I always liked seeing guys like Falcone as a contrast to guys like the Joker.
Okay, now this is an interesting story. Love seeing more of the movie characters (especially Storm King, he gets way too little love on this site), and in the Equestria Girls universe no less! Also, so far, everyone fits perfectly in their assigned roles, and it will be exciting to see the Equestria Girls go from fighting over the top magical girl villains to a more realistic mob boss and his enforcers.
I saw the title, clicked, and was immediately disappointed it wasn't a crossover
You humanize the non-human characters well.
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Yeah, pretty solid description...except Lix Spittle, the pink one who was a bit heavier than the others...is clearly a woman, not a guy.
Other than that, I got to say that this story is getting exciting!
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Whoopa. Been a while since I saw the movie. I'll fix that.
Interesting. Yeah. That's the word. An "interesting development."
She's not wrong.
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Understatement of the friggin' century, am I right?
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Storm King: "Is it a good interesting or a bad interesting, Tempest, because, let me tell you, I have had a day.
Tempest: "It's a bunch of superheroes, sir."
Storm King: *inhales* "That would be bad."
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I like to imagine Tempest says that, and on the other end, she just hears glass breaking and swearing, and she's like "Whelp. Here we go again."
So much action, I love it!
However, with the girls having already shown their hand so soon, I'm guessing it's only gonna be a matter of time before Storm and his goons figure out alternative ways to handle them.
Ever since Legend of Everfree came out I've been waiting for a story that had the Equestria Girls take on bad guys with their powers, and this chapter certainly didn't disappoint in that regard. Also good to see more Storm King in fanfics. I swear that guy had way too little screentime in the movie.
*Grammar Nazi breaks down the door* THEY'RE NOT THEIR! *Grammar Nazi breaks down a different door to leave*
Ominous Storm King promising weapons is Ominous. He has a lot of stage presence here. I like it.
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God dammit, how did I miss that? I added that during the editing process for Pete's sake.
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In the grim and dark 21st century, there are only edits.
In all seriousness, I can read through my own work literally over twenty times and still miss typos and grammar mistakes. The problem is that our brains autocorrect because we wrote it and we know what it's supposed to say. Happens to the best of us.
Well. That ain't good.
Well...I guess we can't expect our heroes to win every battle now, can we?
GAAAAAAH! CLIFFHANGERS!
Now this chapter was pretty damn brutal. Looking forward to see how they get out of this mess.
So Storm King's channelling Ghirahim now? I mean that was way too similar to his "Do you have any idea how that made me feel inside? FURIOUS! OUTRAGED! SICK WITH ANGER!" line to be a coincidence, right? Or maybe I'm just reading too much into this.
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Believe it or not, I wasn't actually trying to reference Ghirahim with that. I wasn't even thinking about it.
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Okay then, but that was where my mind went anyhow.
And this, kids, is why you don't keep your captives weapons in the same room as them.
That's not a criticism of the writer, by the way. Real-world villains make far more egregious errors for stupider reasons than arrogance, and he had no reason to think this would go badly for him (at least, not from his utterly amoral perspective). The scene felt on-point.
So...is this the final battle? Because it kinda seems like it. Not that it wasn't epic, I mean Tempest vs Storm King in a good old fist fight is pretty awesome no matter how you slice it, but I just didn't expect it to show up so soon.
My one criticism about it was...well...Grubber. I know he wasn't a popular guy in the movie, but he honestly felt a bit flanderised here, and given how he basically sees Tempest as his only friend and role model, plus him being described in official media as a good guy in the wrong crowd, it is very jarring to see him still siding with the Storm King after he threatened to kill Tempest for refusing to murder a bunch of teenagers. Also, him trying to hurt Fluttershy with a knife is just...just...I just can't see him ever doing that.
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Originally that wasn't going to happen, but the idea of Tempest beating up everybody in the warehouse was too much.
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Yeah, it would have undercut the Storm King too much.
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Wait... Who is Ghirahim?
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A character from the Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword.
Will there be a next time?
And now they have the taste for the life. There's no going back now. Enjoyable as expected.
Next up: Cozy Glow steals nuclear launch codes!
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Eh. Maybe.
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OH MY GOD. If I were a better writer, that would totally be the sequel.
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Just a thought/hope.
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Yeah, this wasn't gonna be a long story. Grubber...to be honest, I wasn't sure how to handle him in this story. He doesn't get much development in the movie, outside of being the comic relief bad guy. Though, I admit, maybe making him pull a knife on Fluttershy was a little harsh.
This was a good story and it was really nice to read. The finale was very nicely written and I hope for nothing but the best for this redemption :D
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Nuclear launch detected.
Congratulations on your review
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Best real world example of this that I know of likely can be found on Youtube in a dumb criminals video. Guy robs a convenience store with a shotgun. When the clerk offers him the cash drawer, he sets the gun on the counter to take it. You can guess what happens next.
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Thanks.
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I love ur picture
WE NEED MORE OF THIS. Snarky Twilight? I LIKEY
U r bringing out the different parts of the personalities of the group that the show really didn't cover much. I like it.
This is so cool!
I was literally hyped while reading this!