• Member Since 3rd Jul, 2012
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SecretAgentPlotTwist


Wait, am I now just the one who wrote Mortem? 'Cause I think I'm okay with that.

E

The dreaded day has arrived for Pinkie. The day she must tell her best friends about her relationship with Rarity, who, personally, can’t understand why Pinkie is so worried about telling their liberal minded friends.

But, as the event unfolds, it quickly becomes obvious that her hesitation does not stem from where Rarity thought it would.


Proofread by the wonderful docontra

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 58 )

Do the ponies not know about polyamourous nature or something?

Sweaked. Interesting. Had to look it up. Nice to know but I probably wouldn't use it myself.

7469073 ... that was a typo for "squeaked"... oops

And once again leaving Spike out of this.

I actually thought they would all get together at the end. Oh well.

7469448 Don't worry, it will turn out Pinkie dated Spike's egg for a week when she was a toddler.

Somehow for Pinkie, that seems less strange than it sounds...

Awesome and Adorable. I loved it!:heart:

7469448 Oh, you give a flying fuck? That's hysterical.

7469523 I suppose that's a possibility, albeit a weird one ... his egg does look like a pretty rock.

7470154 She is the pony who hit on a griffon statue, after all. :pinkiehappy:

Admittedly, the flaw in my joke is she would be not her crazy partying self when she was young and still on the rock farm.

“Wait, you two dated Pinkie as well?”

Oh. OH. It's going to be one of these types of fics, isn't it-one dipped in hilarious one hilarious revelation after another.

“... should I kiss you now or—”

“That’s probably for the best.”

And a perfect ending. Bravo.

That was hilarious, and I love how you made it seem like the start of a "coming out to friends" thing and then twisted it into...this.

This story was so adorable and well though out. I liked how Pinkie dated all of her friends over the years and not just one after another. And each break up was something different yet reasonable. That just made everything a little sweeter and a little sad.

This was funny. Hilarious even.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She gave Rainbow a half smile. “It was a long time ago now. We’ve moved on from then. It just isn’t the funnest story to tell, that’s all.”

I believe it's most fun.

7470210
I always imagined she was at least a little weird even then, and seeing the Rainboom just brought it all to the surface.

7468918
The fuck man?

The story description was so short that your comment showed up without me even scrolling down.

This was ridiculously cute, I loved it, good job! :pinkiehappy:

7468918
Um. Spoilers. Please highlight in black.

Initially read the opening statement as: "The dreaded dry has arrived for Pinkie. "

:moustache:/10 Can't wait to read this.

“Even if they don’t accept our relationship,” Rarity continued, “which I insist won’t happen, I don’t care. I’m serious about us, and they’re not going to make me change my feelings for you, no matter what they say.”

Pinkie turned back to face her. “You Pinkie promise you will still want to be with me, no matter what happens?”

Oh dear, I think I just figured out where this is going.

(The rest of the story.)

I was right! :raritydespair:

...Over-all, it's okay. The ending feels kinda lackluster, though, like it was building up for something bigger and more emotional. The tone also seems a bit ambivalent - like the comedy and seriousness cancel each other out rather than contrast - so I was never quite sure how to feel. Finally, don't start a new paragraph while a character is still talking, it can get confusing.

Everything else was adequate.

Hah, that awkwardness. Now imagine if they weren't the best of friends before... that'd be golden.
Or even more convoluted if they each tried every other one from the group :rainbowlaugh:

7469216 Oh? Will it's a slang hybrid of super and weak.

7471125 [ spoiler ][ /spoiler ]

Without the spaces between the words and brackets. Or yoy could press the button with the "SP" on it.

The convenience of that lamp fills Pinkie with determination.

This story didn't really seem to know where it was going. It starts out as a comedy, building up to the Joke. And then we had the punchline, and then.. the story didn't end. And suddenly everyone's being serious, and Rarity is reacting to the shocking revelation like it really is a shocking revelation, not just a Joke. And the comedy parts more or less fall by the wayside as the story becomes a full-blown romantic drama as Rarity and Pinkie's relationship is put to the test - but in doing that, things that made sense as the setup for a Joke (Rarity being humorously oblivious to Pinkie's warnings) suddenly don't work in retrospect.

The Reveal works as the punchline for a joke, but the more I think about it the less sense it makes - as written, it must have come up in conversation at some point, and the romance doesn't really gel with the Mane Six's behaviour in canon (especially some of the breakups). As soon as I take this story seriously, it falls apart.

Very adorable, and cute. Excellent story too:yay:!

the most liberal place in equestria.

Cap. (name of Nation.)
__________________

“You Pinkie promise you will still want to be with me, no matter what happens?”

Rarity let a warm smile appear on her face. “I Pinkie promise.”

Cap. (name of a type of ritual/technique)
______________

Not to mention only her sister and the cakes knew.

Cakes
_________________

. “Ah know, ah know. What about you Fluttershy?”

“She never needed reminding how ah like it, and always got the milk just right.”

Cap. (use Ah as you would I)
_____________

Rarity paused, realising the harshness of her words. “Sorry, I’m… thankyou.”

thank you
_____________



7468918

You know you can edit your comments right?

Just highlight what you wrote, and press the SP button (between the " button and the emoticon button).

hehe noice! I tottaly giggled at the situation. Also in my headcannon that Pinkie Pie...gets around. :pinkiehappy:

Heh heh, that did not go as expected. XD That was hilarious and sweet at the same time!

Never been one for Lesbian fics, but this was a little funny at least.

So this story is one that I love because despite it being a "comedy", you don't let that shoehorn the story into just being wacky hi-jinks.

The only thing I found lacking was that Pinkie and Rarity didn't have their ownthing. It really makes it feel like Rarity will eventually be another hash mark on the wall. Beyond that, it's definitely getting a thumbs up. I love cute stories like these.

This story is cute, funny, believable, and self contained. I enjoyed all of it and i'm glad that you made this; but I think that someone should have pointed out that Rarity was ready to play it fast and loose with other stallions at one point so... maybe don't judge Pinky too harshly for it.

7473688

People've already answered that though. Look at the top of the comment area (where you type stuff).

Click and drag (to highlight like you would to link a bit of text.

Right next to the emoticon option :twilightsmile: (last box there at the top), is the spoiler option (grey box white letter Sp).. Or you can just type in the tags as 7471604 showed how.

Very nicely done! :twilightsmile:

I loved the increasing amount of shock and confusion (or anger) on the characters' faces when they found that Pinkie has dated every one of them. :applejackconfused: :twilightoops: :rainbowhuh: :duck: :yay: :pinkiehappy:

I suggest working on showing instead of telling. Also, visual gags that are hilarious on television don't always translate well to written mediums, such as the joke at the very beginning.

Also, the dialogue didn't feel quite right to me. Pinkie was using fairly complicated words that just don't really fit into her speech patterns. I don't mean she's stupid, because she isn't--she just doesn't talk like that. Try to keep her more casual and less witty.

7469448

He is not a pony. Most stories involve the pony girls. The Mane 6. Stories that are about 'all our friends' usually include Spike. Spike does not have to be and never should be in every single story that happens to involve Rarity, Twilight, or any of the girls. There are a lot of Spike-centric stories if you're jonesin'. Please don't complain about lack of Spike in stories that don't need to involve him. That's the kind of thing that gives Spike-fans their commonly-held image of angry, rabid packs.


7468934

It's not her polyamory that anyone's disagreeing with, I think. Which may or may not even be the case considering she doesn't seem to have been romantically attached to more than one of them at a time. It's that she didn't TELL anyone. It's one thing not to talk about exes (even though one probably should in a serious relationship) but when a majority of them are your core group, basically the biggest chunk of your current life... then every one of them deserved to know, especially on terms good for them. Springing this on Rarity (in public, in front of said exes no less) instead of discussing it alone over tea or something was unbelievably cruel. Rarity was forceful, but Pinkie could have easily responded to that with 'There's something we have to talk about first', and due to not doing that all the burden was placed on Rarity and Rarity ended up feeling like a heel because of Pinkie's selfish decision. No amount of 'I didn't want to talk about it' or 'I was scared' makes up for that or changes the fact, y'know?

Honestly now that I think about it, that everyone but Rarity took it so well is entirely improbable and feels forced. Also that Rarity more or less got over it so quickly. This goes beyond friendship problems, this is someone's love life being upended. That's certainly more volatile no matter who you are.


7474902

To add to Mesa's point of Pinkie's character voice being too complex, Rarity's was too simplistic and rough. Could have swapped the name 'Rarity' for anyone except Applejack and it'd have still worked without altering the story much.

7475745 Is this premise not something that would affect Spike more strongly than Pinkie and Rarity's friends? Should Rarity not be as concerned about his feelings as Pinkie is about those of the other four? Shove it up your ass.

7476345

No. The adult does not need to be worried about a child's crush when pursuing her love life. I know you're a troll account at this point but please keep it reasonable..

That ending was surprisingly cute. Nice one :pinkiehappy::heart::raritywink:

7476168

You forgot a few keywords, which lead to a general misunderstanding. But it's all good. These things happen ^_^.

7475745

That's the kind of thing that gives Spike-fans their commonly-held image of angry, rabid packs.

Just to be clear here, logic dictates that fans of all seven main characters are just as bad. Remember all that childish bitching and whining from Rainbow Dash fans after her Wonderbolt episode? They thought she was being shone in a disreputable light even though it wasn't that bad, even befitting to her characterization. The only reason Spike fans maintain that image is because the writers are clumsier with him, since their focus is on the six central characters and Spike fans are far fewer. Essentially: Spike fans get more shit and less goodness.

7476380

No. The adult does not need to be worried about a child's crush when pursuing her love life.

In almost all fiction, what you say is the case. But the ponies of G4 were intentionally written to be of indeterminate age, and childish enough for Lauren Faust's vision to work--and Spike is more mature than a typical child. To write MLP fanfiction with rules that adhere strictly to the real world (especially when it involves "adult" ponies dealing with adult situations) is to ignore Equestria as it is. The mane six are just big children.

I thought this was just going to be some little silly thing, but was very much pleasantly surprised to find something so well-constructed and thoughtful.

Many of us can empathize with a situation where you waited too long to say or do something... so you kind of just let it go until it reaches the breaking point on its own and you deal with the consequences when it does.

From Rarity's point of view, you could maybe even give her the benefit of the doubt for everyone except Twilight. Pinkie's relationship with Fluttershy and Applejack were at a time where people are still learning what a relationship is. Her time with Rainbow may have been enjoyable but it was incredibly brief. The one that Rarity has absolutely every reason to be pissed off at Pinkie for not telling her is her relationship with Twilight.

They were practically engaged. That's something you at least mention to someone you've been dating a while, but you definitely talk about it in depth if that person is in constant contact with you and your girlfriend.

I thought that whole thing was handled very intelligently. It lent a sense of weight to the relationships, and added a small tonal shift that puts everything else into perspective while still remaining on-theme and mostly light-hearted.

This little RomCom that looks so simple on the tin is definitely one of my favorites in quite some time.

A very cute and funny story, found some spelling errors in it, but otherwise it's good :)

Twilight originally gave her short answers, trying her best not to stick out in the harsh silence. But, as Rainbow continued to prod for more info, she found herself explaining anecdotes about her time with Pinkie.

These stories evolved around some of the problems or issues she had when being with Pinkie, and were all rather humorous. Her friends found them especially funny, as they all could relate to them, and even had similar stories of their own.

Before they knew it, they were all sharing and laughing at tales of embarrassment, awkwardness, and Pinkie being Pinkie.

There was, of course, the noticeable exception of Rarity and Pinkie in this. Pinkie found herself defending the rather questionable decisions she made in said stories, normally with an even more questionable explanation. While Rarity still sat silently with an annoyed look plastered on her face.

You know what would be better than reading a brief overview of this conversation? Actually reading the conversation itself. Or even just a montage of high points from the conversation.

Really, the transition from awkwardness (and anger at Pinkie) to being able to chat and laugh about past romance, seems much too important to brush over so casually.

I really liked this
I can see Rarity being pretty pissed at all this being reasonable to her romance is a special thing and even if she has liked quite a few individuals she probably would have told whoever she was going out with about them. This however is somewhat cruel to her, she doesn't see anything special she sees that Pinkie is treating her just as she has treated her other failed relationships she doesn't have to stop loving her but she probably feels like this is just doomed from the start another product of Pinkie actually not thinking things through and nobody but herself to blame for not seeing what in hindsight she probably should have felt was obvious. Not to mention Pinkie DID bother loosening up when Rarity was absolutely (rightfully) pissed is in character but really really terrible and unempathetic of her especially if she was close to Rarity and knows how emotional she can get without proper support

Not to mention the Twilight thing, that just has GOT to be a blow to the gut feeling like you're obviously second place to someone else with your loved one it wasn't that Twilight and Pinkie thought it wasn't working out in general it was that things changed and they were practically engaged and planning a family and everything and it hadn't been that long since all of that so she's gotta think there are still some feelings there,

Actually I love the story one mistake is not worth ruining a relationship over even if it was a BIG mistake and it's cute how that shined through I would just like another chapter or something because it doesn't explain what makes Rarity special well and just makes it feel like even if they will remain friends their relationship will not end in the best place because nothing does make it special it's just another time Pinkie took friendship as more than friendship. The others can take that but Rares seems the type to really commit to a relationship once it starts

7469448 That's grossly unfair to Rarity, who was looking out for the poor drake's feelings. He might come to like the lipstick and eyeshadow, and appreciate having his claws done from time to time, but the wide-brimmed hats with the woven roses and the pastel dresses with the flounces would just be too much for him to handle.:raritywink:

7476380
Like it or not, Spike's crush is a pretty big part of both their characters. Romance stories with Rarity tend to have this problem more often than not. They don't necessarily have to have him show up, make a scene, suddenly approve and give his blessing, or go cry in a corner or whatever -- but for Spike to not even be so much as briefly mentioned is immediately odd.

This bugged me back when I read Pokemon fanfiction. People would construct these elaborate romance quadrangles about the anime cast, and Pikachu would just be completely nonexistent. It's like, of course he's not going to be involved in the romance (ew), but he's still a fixture in their lives that will continue to cause ripples.

These characters don't exist in a vacuum, that's all.

7480415

He is. But if the story is not about Spike, then at most all that needs to be said is a footnote. Celestia, the rest of the Mane 6 and such are together an even bigger part of Twilight's life than Spike, and yet we have an enormous amount of stories about Twilight doing her own thing and mentioning none of them. No one complains that there's no Pinkie Pie in a story, for example, called Twilight Goes to the Science Fair. Necessary interactions involving characters who are not meant to be part of the story are always and HAVE always been assumed to happen 'off-screen', or after the story's ended.

It is part of your reader responsibility to know and understand that, and neither acceptable, sensible, or polite to complain that Spike isn't in every story focusing on the ponies solely, the Mane 6 specifically, or just Twilight and/or Rarity simply because he's an important friend to them and happens to have an affectionate attachment to both, platonic and romantic respectively. If the story is not about 'them+Spike' or is not a Spike-centric story, then adding him in is for completeness and backdrop, or side-interaction. Anything more than a bit part and he's actually meant to be a decent part of the story. Which he is not meant to be here. This story is about Rarity being in love with Pinkie. If every story involving Rarity being romantically involved ALSO was forced to come with us watching Spike being heartbroken, no one would write Rarity-centric romance stories anymore unless it was Sparity. Which is, again, essentially pedophilia. As much as you people believe Rarity is reserved only for Spike, or that Spike has to be in every story involving her, this is simply not the case and it is best to keep these things to yourselves.

I hope this was educational.

7483946

Celestia, the rest of the Mane 6 and such are together an even bigger part of Twilight's life than Spike...

I really hope you indeed meant, "all seven of them combined" and not, "any individual one of them" because that'd be bullshit. She hatched the fucker, and they live together.

...and yet we have an enormous amount of stories about Twilight doing her own thing and mentioning none of them. No one complains that there's no Pinkie Pie in a story, for example, called Twilight Goes to the Science Fair.

Why would Pinkie want to go to the science fair? Granted, Pinkie would probably love to go anywhere, but unless Twilight is attending the annual Cotton Candy and Prank Masters Convention without her...

This story is about Rarity being in love with Pinkie.

I believe this story is actually about Pinkie and Rarity coming out to their friends. One of whom was absent.

I thought this came off as a very thoughtful story. The ending feels a little rushed, but this story comes off as kind of believable. It's a twist that doesn't just come and go, it gets explored and rather thoughtfully. Very good story, great job writing this.

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