• Member Since 3rd Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen July 10th


Wait, am I now just the one who wrote Mortem? 'Cause I think I'm okay with that.


This story is a sequel to A Drunken Night and a Cup of Tea

Vinyl just wants some time to drink a cup of tea and have a little snack. Unfortunately, she unleashes the oldest argument in British history.

Proofread by the wonderful docontra
Note: Reading of the former story is not required, only recommended, and this was also mainly written during a tea craving.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 29 )

This is fantastic. :yay:

I really should stop going to one shots to scratch my Octavia/Vinyl Scratch itch, it just leaves me briefly elated then vaguely unfulfilled.

Still, a fun little story, along with its predecessor.

All this arguing about tea and here's me in Wales with a Brains SA...

... But jaffas in tea ARE pretty good... Imma back Vinyl up here, and I'm southern! Yippee! Ah, I need a cuppa now!

This was so freaking funny :pinkiehappy:

You can be as loud as the hell you want when you're having tea. :trollestia:

My good author I must request that you continue on with these, for you have seemed to hit the goldilocks zone for sweetness and humor. Please continue. :rainbowkiss:

I remember asking a gal from Ripon if she would only drink Yorkshire tea...
After a ten minute argument, she made me swear to never say anything against Yorkshire tea again...

Moore! As in "more" with an extra "o" and not a reference to an old James Bond-actor.

7609446 Good lass, Yorkshire tea is the best tea.

I don't like jaffa cakes, but here in Ireland we love our tea just as much as ye Brits, and I've never seen anyone dip a jaffa cake in tea. Chocolate digestives and custard creams are another story altogether. You can't go wrong with a chocolate digestive or some other form of chocolate and a cup of tea. As for the leaving the teabag in thing, I have a friend who uses two teabags in one cup of tea and leaves them in while she drinks it. There's something wrong with her, to be sure.

Vinyl grinned. “Tavi, for you, I’d make iced tea.”


Here, there is only ONE tea argument. Sweetened or unsweetened?
If you bring a packet of sugar anywhere near my tea I will punch you, and get that lemon outta here damn it!


I'd thought it would be obvious. You can't put milk or lemon and/or sugar in it. Let this video educate you.

Bon-Bon Frowned.

She frowns so hard it's the capital F.

Btw, someone should make a reading of this fic, using an appropriate British accent for each character.

7609230 What Do You Do With a B.A. in English Tea Ceremonies?/Sucks to Be Tea

Please make more of these


I only read this because I was curious as to what the argument was. I'm from America and I had the privilege of being it Wales for a week for my aunt's wedding. Saw Jaffa Cakes in a Tesco one day there, and thought they were interesting (because I've watched Stargate, even though I know they aren't related). We never got any, and I can't remember what all is in them, but my mind is screaming orange. I'm also not a tea drinker, but most of what I've had that isn't Snapple was watery and shit. I need my flavor and sweetness to sate my 40-some sweet-teeth.

This is absolutely perfect and I love it it :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

The fact that we clearly get to see that Octavia can just completely shut down Vinyl with off-hand little comments like that, "Well, you're half right..." is fucking brilliant and I love it to bits. 10/10 100/100 best one-shot BEST ONE-SHOT.

Really though, in all seriousness, loved it.

*Applejack walks in with a tall glass*
*Pours boiled tea in a pitcher with sugar*
*Adds ice to the tall glass, squeezes lime wedge into it, places wedge onto rim*
*Pours tea into glass*
*Adds star spangled martini umbrella to the lime*
*Tips cowboy hat*

"Y'all talk too much."
*Walks out with the tea bags, dumps them in a harbor*


I like her. As a (proud) Yorkshireman I can say in a totally unbiased way that Yorkshire Tea is the best. Just like everything in Yorkshire.

This is almost as funny as American coffee, or Belgian chocolate... Or any other food or beverage that doesn't originate in the place claiming it.

Speaking as a coffee-guzzling New Jerseyan, this was a fascinating look at another culture through the lens of lesbian horse women. Thank you for both the story and the opportunity to write the previous sentence.

But if she can dunk a jaffa, I can have a cup of this!


Seriously this is adorable. We need more adventures of British lesbian human pones. XD

As a Texan, me and my tall glass of sweet iced tea enjoyed this little bit of banter quite thoroughly!
- Headwind

I'm with Vinyl. A Jaffa may be a cake, technically, but it can be dunked, mostly because the orangy bit in the centre holds everything together. And if it can be dunked, it should be dunked.

Of couree, as with everything there's a technique. One edge of the jaffa cake must be held above the level of the tea, and no more than three quarters of the central jelly roundel should be submerged. A short dunk of no more than a few seconds is enough to completely saturate the sponge. It must then be held vertical (with the other hand under it to prevent drips or disintegration) and transferred to the tongue, where the saturated sponge disintegrates on contact, leaving a delightful slurry of tea, sponge and chocolate which you can suck right off the jelly roundel.

Why am I getting Seinfeld vibes from this fic...

I read British lesbian human pones to the tune of teenage mutant ninja turtles and it was thoroughly amusing

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