• Member Since 3rd Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

SecretAgentPlotTwist


Wait, am I now just the one who wrote Mortem? 'Cause I think I'm okay with that.

T

Everyone dreams of a happy life. And in a world of multicoloured ponies, magic, and manufactured rainbows, it seems possible that everyone can have that. But for some, unfortunate circumstances can stop that pursuit dead in it’s tracks, no matter how hard they try to push on.

Caramel is a pony who finds himself in that situation, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. But when something is standing between you and the life you need, it can’t be buried forever. No matter how hard you try. And Celestia does Caramel try.

Note: This story has sad elements and conflicts in it


Thanks to Lord-Commander for Editing this story.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 93 )

That title made me think this was going to be story about Caramel becoming fed-up with always being walked all over and deciding to get tough with the help of Iron Will and a training montage, thus becoming a 'toughy'... I was wrong.

That was amazing. Excellent story

Happy to see a high quality submission to the group, well done. :twilightsmile:

If only those gems were real...

Good story... Is there any chance for a followup?

Never before have I been so immensely overjoyed and yet incredibly upset that I live in this dimension:raritystarry::raritycry: I only wish I had friends so supportive...
The gradual change in emotional state really accentuates the real issue at hoof, and it's done so masterfully, I've got goosebumps.

Excellent work.:pinkiesad2:

Skin... It is but the barest element of your existence, you live in it, you work with it, you are made known by it, some may even you define you by it.

But skin is a lie... your Flesh is a lie, It desires what you cannot achieve, and strives for the things that harm. It is a dangerous game to play, tempting the Flesh, because it will always win, it will always hold to the end of your days.

You are not your Flesh, you are beyond that, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, not perfect, but truly made in the likeness of God. You... You are not who your wants tell you to be, you are the actions you take, and the words you say. Some would insist 'Nay! How can that be? A man is only his flesh, and his flesh only, for a man is what others see, and do we not only see the flesh? Reliant on dogmatic faith and small on brain is the man you believes otherwise.' I can never express to you my sorrow when a man says to me: 'Why would the son die for those who don't want it?' then proceed to writhe in despair as they rush to please their Flesh Fancying themselves their masters.

Mankind can be shown as fools when presented with two simple questions:

What do you want?

What do you need?

For they know not the difference between the two.



Well aside from being a decent bit of artistic writing, I'm sure this isn't going to be one of my more popular comments, take it as you will.

But, this is a good story, regardless of anything I can hold against it, that's a simple truth. Writing knows how to tug at the heart strings of the reader, the overall pacing is nice, though I did find myself getting a little lost, probably because I'm tired as all get out right now. Well, have a nice night, and be it what you will, I will not fight.

This needs less comedy tag and more favorites.

Loved it! Please do a couple followups?

...What a lovely story. :pinkiehappy: I would very much like to see how Toffee goes from here, but honestly I'm happy with this tale as-is at the same time, which doesn't happen often. Have a favourite.

Whoa, nice! :D

6548952
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6547888 Thanks, I'm glad you all enjoyed it :twilightsheepish:
I may do a follow-up, but I'm happy with how it ended for now so probably not anytime soon

Seems pretty accurate.

wlam #13 · Oct 20th, 2015 · · 1 ·

"God is dead and I wish so was I because shipfics are just that bad" -wlam definitely

Just kidding. Seriously, though, I like your sense of humour. You just really ought to try applying it to something else sometime. It would be worth it it, I'm sure.

This was very nice. Thank you for sharing the story with us :)

Beautifal ;-; *crys womanly tears*

I love stories like this :pinkiehappy: The emotions were realistic and the story as believable in its train of events. Excellent work, especially for a one-shot!

Cute! Thanks for sharing!

There should be a follow up
Maybe with sassaflash

6548373

Hmph. Need and want both dictate action, and there are those who believe that action dictates appearance. If it doesn't change the flesh itself--and it often does--it changes the way we decorate it. Man needs both aspects of his nature, the physical and the spiritual, the Apollonian and the Dionysian. Do you understand? Those who denounce the pleasures of the flesh tend to be those who haven't known them.

Wonderful.

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Yes, and that is why I tell you this, without God, you are a slave to your wants and even your needs. But even with him, you are in servitude, how then, is that better? Because it is the Spirit that will outlast the body, and that spirit requires maintenance, the Flesh, only caring for itself, will not give thought to the Spirit and pleasing it with indulgence into the worldly things will only harm you in the long run.

The Spirit was not made for this world, it was not intended to suffer through sin, but the Flesh binds us to it, we are trapped within a corrupt husk, a thing never meant to exist, and we cannot resist pleasuring it. That is the reason for Christ, he forgives what we cannot control, and pushes us to resist what we can. Some of the greatest men of the Bible were sinners, bound by their hate, their pleasures. The Flesh is indivisible from evil, and therefore, to pleasure it, to not resist, is to tempt fate. For giving ground, making compromises, and indulging in the Flesh, you are forced to pay with your Spirit.

Appearance means nothing, you are who you are, and to modify that on the wants of the Flesh (note, wants) is a dangerous thing. Pain and suffering will come from resisting, true, but that is only without God, with him, a man can be content in the most hellish of circumstances.

My dear friend once said, "I'm just a man, dude, I can't help what I want." Whilst high as a kite. He now pastors my local Church. I have met head on with the pleasures that the world has offered, and failed to hold the standard, and I continue to fail, but I've got a God who wants nothing more than for me to succeed, a father more like, and I aim not to disappoint.

This was just beautiful and a nice way of looking at such a touchy subject. Loved how it was written and handled. Instantly a top ten fic.

6549777 Pretty much everything you've said is true, and people hate truth. I regret to inform you that just because you mentioned God, even though you have a few valid points, people are gonna down vote you. Truth is offensive. Don't lose your courage!

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That... That almost made me cry... Thanks, it's good to know respect is still garnered from courage, if not wisdom.

6549777 Stop preaching your religion. Honestly, it's obnoxious. There should be a rule about that...

Wunderbar! I'd love to see some sort of follow-up where Caramel finds a way to permanently become Toffee and how everyone else adapts.

6550195 Why do you find it obnoxious? Is it because what he says conflicts with your beliefs, or because you merely disagree with him? Is it because you don't like his God? There are a million other things to get offended by that are much worse than just mentioning an intelligent creator. I'm genuinely interested in hearing your opinion on this matter. I want to know what you believe.

This looks like it could be a decent story, and it'll be nice to have another genuinely good trans story around. I'll definitely give it a read when I can.

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6550118
> Courage
i.imgur.com/3RBQ1tt.jpg
Anonymously preaching gospel in the comments of an MLP fanfic is courageous?

That... That almost made me cry... Thanks, it's good to know respect is still garnered from courage, if not wisdom.

reactiongifs.com/r/shwgrl.gif

Thank you, everyone, for all the kind things you've said about the story. Knowing that it brought some enjoyment to you makes me very happy. For people who said they cried, you're welcome, I think? But honestly, it's nice to know that a story like this has resonated and been liked by so many people :pinkiehappy:

Sidenote- As much as I like to encourage religious debate, I don't think the comment section of a 'my little pony' fanfiction that has nothing to do with that topic, is the best place to have it.

6550219
I can't speak for the person you're replying to, but I'll tell you my opinion instead. It's obnoxious when people decide to go onto a story that has nothing to do with religion and start spouting how they think it's not okay to want to make yourself feel better about how you look to the world. It's obnoxious to use flowery, poetic language to tell people that not only do you disagree with them, but your particular god doesn't approve of their actions and decision. It's telling people that you're judging them for how they live when, frankly, they didn't ask for your opinion on social issues.

It's rude, because whether you believe in a god or not, not everyone wants to have someone else's version of god crammed down their throat when really all they wanted was some feedback on their story.

6550327 "Courage - the ability to do something that frightens one."

It frightens people to say something that isn't popular to say. Mentioning God, especially on this website, isn't very popular. By the very definition of courage, what NetherWalker did was courageous. You're inclined to disagree with me, of course--there are quite a few definitions of the word courage. I'd be interested in knowing the one you're choosing.

6550373

So, My Little Pony fan fiction isn't the place for religious discussion... but transgender stuff is perfectly okay?

Don't get me wrong, I agree. That guy is being a dick about it, bringing it in when it's not relevant. But saying one topic is fine to talk about but not the other is kinda hypocritical. Now, if you say, "This topic isn't relevent to the story, please stop," then it's fine. But saying, "it doesn't belong here at all" is kinda silly.

6550380 Thank you for being polite. I do see your point, sir or madame. Although I also cannot speak for NetherWalker, I can see your point and will consider it next time I feel the urge to post something about my beliefs. Thanks again for being mature and answering my question directly unlike some of the other people here. It's much appreciated.

6550396
Here's a question for you to help you determine what is and is not relevant to discuss in the comments on this story.

Is this story about...
A) transgender issues
B) religion
C) Benghazi truth

It should be obvious that discussing things related to the story in the comments is fine, and subjects that are not relevant should be discussed elsewhere.

6550219

Why do you find it obnoxious?

tl;dr: The comments section of someone else's story isn't necessarily the place to be a street preacher.

6550424 Gotcha. Kamikakushi cleared it up for me real smoothly. Thanks for the reply anyway!

Excellent story, it had quite the emotional impact here. Especially Sassaflash's story.

As for the philosophical (and apparently religious) debate about what the "spirit" and "body" wants... Honestly? Don't push your opinions on other people. Instead, read up on gender identity research, as there's a ton of it! Often enough there are biological reasons for people to feel that they were born with the wrong gender. In fact, sometimes people are born with the primary sexual characteristics of one gender whilst having a set of chromosomes for the other. Intriguing, isn't it? :twilightsmile:

6550418

Um... I agree. My point is that he said:

Sidenote- As much as I like to encourage religious debate, I don't think the comment section of a 'my little pony' fanfiction is the best place to have it.

To me, this reads like religion shouldn't be talked about on FIMFiction at all, period. If he had said:

Sidenote- As much as I like to encourage religious debate, I don't think the comment section of a 'my little pony' fanfiction that has nothing to do with religion at all is the best place to have it.

Then I wouldn't have said a word.

6550396 sorry, I understand that. I did mean that because the topic of the fic isn't relevant, it's shouldn't really be here, but I see how what I said didn't really compel that, I'll change it.

6550442

Sorry. That's just one of my little irks. I'll keep my mouth shut now.

Oh, and I like the story, and I'm glad to see it's popular! :twilightsmile:

6550451 It's fine, I'm happy you enjoyed my story. I'm also glad it's getting popular, well, more surprised than glad.
Also, I can just delete all those comments and pretend none of that happened. I won't tell if you don't.

6550382

You're inclined to disagree with me, of course--there are quite a few definitions of the word courage. I'd be interested in knowing the one you're choosing.

I'm choosing one that doesn't involve speaking anonymously and could possibly have real consequences. Posting behind the mask of a username and avatar in a situation where there will be no consequences other than downvotes and strangers on the internet saying they disagree isn't particularly courageous to me.

A really good idea; interesting, certtainly, but the execution could use some more refining.

6550493 in what sense if you don't mind me asking? constructive criticism is always welcome

6550483 What consequences would he otherwise face were he not behind a computer screen? Would he receive mocking? Ridicule? Rejection? He's received all these things (plus the down votes, lol).

6550510
I'd rather not say it all on the comments, because it's not only revealing regarding the story, but it's also liable to turn into a sizeable chunk of text because I tend to go on quite a bit when I care about something. That said, if you would like to hear my thoughts, I'll write you a PM in the morning!

Comment posted by QuillpenTheStoryteller deleted Oct 20th, 2015

I really wanted to like this, but, it just doesn't feel like a complete story. It needed so much more to it. It left one of the plot points unfinished, and it needed to more of a problem than just "Caramel is angry and depressed because of his gender identity".

One quick question. The Applejack and Caramel interaction: is Applejack actually trying to be hostile, or is Caramel imagining it as she's being casual? I ask because I'm reading it as just a casual thing, but I'm not sure if it's my own interpretation, or his.

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