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You're drenched in sweat and ennui. She's fighting the enemy, and you're fighting depression. Stuck forever in a nowhere town, you try to rise above inertia, but you only end up feeling useless. You're always feeling that way.
"Feeling That Way"/"Anytime" are two popular Journey songs from their breakout album Infinity, often played back to back on the radio.
Highly recommended by Present Perfect!
Featured in the Royal Canterlot Library!
Four Stars on Louder Yay!
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Geez.
I am now.
Love that name choice, by the way. The Verge is a terrifying title.
Lovely bit of loneliness and guilt in there, and I definitely empathize for your depiction - a very touching piece, and worthy of your return to form! Welcome back, Supertramp!
... and yes, I do feel that way.
Damn straight.
I really like this, Trampoline.
7674002
7674015 thank you!
Is this the crystal war against Sombra, or something else?
7674071 7911775 I mean, it could be, but I pictured it more being a vague unspecified future war in the main timeline, which is why I didn't put the alternate universe tag.
What the war is isn't important as what its effects are.
This.. this was good. Definitely one to think on.
7674197 glad you appreciated it!
Match this up with the line of "thick lead pipes," and we get more understanding of why we are getting this headache.
Cool thing here is, and you may not have noticed it, is that water means rebirth, or life in literature. What's so cool, is that this story shows the change of a couple as one heads off to war, and one stays home and rots in their own ennui. There is also the change of the nature of Equestria, and how meanings of certain aspects of life are being reborn into a new understanding of reality.
Another thing I'm reminded of when reading this, is old twentieth century writers. In that sense, ones that wrote about "The Great War," or "World War I" as it's known today.
Last thought was how I liked the use of second-person, and found it justified, due to how it draws us in as a reader. A literary device that's used effectively, and makes us attached to these characters, in just a brief one-thousand word short story.
Good job, this was worth the read.
7674442
Authors live for in-depth comments like these.
The lead pipes don't help, but also note what the alchemy base they're mining is, and whether that is contributing to some of that Malaise...
7674461 Ah, yes, Almost forgot about that element. I was just drawn in by the comment of "Hydrology," and the good ol' "Thick lead pipes."
See that? That's why it's good to look over a work multiple times; it has more meaning to offer the more you look into it.
Glad you enjoyed my little brain splodge. I just been into literary analysis ever since I had to look into the meaning of stories like, "Hills Like White Elephants, and "Frankenstein" for English.
Damn, son, you outdid yourself here.
7906473 fuuuuuck present perfect I, so high right now and sad that I have 1200 unread blogs or updates or whatever that middle column is in our notification bar because I haven't checked it for like three weeks because I'm afraid to because I know I'm not going to be able to read them all before my computer crashes so I will not get information about what my friends and role models are doing and what not so I really need to get on that but anyway so I have so many stories I need to write but that takes actual effort but here I put forth some effort describing the NUI I feel, you really liked it and this comment was exactly what I needed you are amazing buddy I hope to finally meet you Sunday at Trop Colin or Brony con.
Great mood piece. Who is the enemy that the Ponies are fighting? I'm guessing this is just a small piece of a larger story universe.
7911775 I never really figured it out, and I'm not sure how much it matters. Maybe this is the alternate universe where they're fighting sombra. Maybe it's the Diamond dogs. Who knows.
7911814
The total moblization feels like the Sombra-verse. The location seems like Nickerlite. The mare in question could easily be one of the Pie Sisters.
Oh my gosh, Trampoline can actually write good when he stops goofing around.
I am impressed.
7916202 Write well.
And yes, but the problem is it's nearly impossible to get myself to focus on serious writing. And on finishing said serious writing. I have way too many stories in various stages of completion.
7916621 Such is the lot of anyone who writes, my friend.
Interesting. I'm not completely sure what's going on here, but the emptiness came across well.
Amazing!
7982932 glad you enjoyed it!
Wow! Guy DeMaupassant couldn't have done this better!
8089639 Huh, another "Guy" I haven't read! I'm sure Bad Horse knows all about him. You should ask Bad Horse his thoughts on him.
Correction
soffered without malice.emptiness
I'm not all that moved, but that's because i was already there, rather than the story not connecting and delivering pony-shaped dissonance.
You can has review!
Note: I have read Anytime as well. I'll get to that soon.
Fuller review here, but in brief: bleakly beautiful, with some nice world-building considering the fic's brevity. (Mercury mining? That's not going to do much for anyone's health.) Faved, in that slightly guilty way I do when I feel I should but don't really want to say I enjoyed the fic in question.
8895345
Thank you for the kind words here and on Louder Yay!
How did I miss this? A devastating portrait of toxin-assisted depression, the slow death of the very thing they're fighting to defend on the front lines. Excellent work. Thank you for it.
9163342
Glad you enjoyed!
That I came here after reading the self-proclaimed 'most random story on Fimfiction' amuses me. Super T., this flows nice. (Yes, I will use an adjective as an adverb.) More importantly, you communicated effectively deep, complex emotions in only one thousand words. That is pretty damn impressive.
I love that you can write something like this and simultaneously not give a shit about 'serious' writing and have some fun whenever you want. Definition of a cool guy in my book. Take the follow and upvote.
9304488
Thank you very much!
Wow.
This might be your worst shitpost. Because it's not a shitpost. It's damn good. Excellent story. Glad I came to check it out.
10941104
Glad you
enjoyedappreciated it!Finally read this.
Not gonna lie, I've been coming back to it over and over for more than a year.
I would always end up getting distracted ed and then choosing something else. Possibly because I needed something that wasn't ennui.
But I read it. And it's good. And now I have the same feelings floating over me. Dunno if it's the 2nd person perspective or the fact that Covid really f-ed up the world.
But it's good, man. Really good.
10948624
fuck if that's not a mood.
as for the rest of the comment, thank you from the bottom of my heart. shit like this keeps me writing