• Member Since 29th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen Wednesday

Raikiry


Im a friendly guy i only can but take my cookie ill bite your handoff :3

T

A new student came to Canterlot and is Name is, Lightning Bolt. At first he thought he would have nothing in that school, but now he have friends that care for him and lightning don't know he is the most popular guy in school and the most caring. now he will solve problems from students that need his help and maybe find love. but he doesn't know that every girl in school may have a crush on the poor guy.

Chapters (17)
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Comments ( 72 )

It was a nice day in canterlot and you just move here a few weeks ago with your mom cause she has a new job here as a lawyer. so to support her any way you can, Both you decided to move here with a new house, a New School and well a new everything.

"Hey now! Canterlot should be in upper-case bro."

‘’Bolt….Lighting bolt, WAKE UP!,’’ She Smack your to make sure you were wide awake.

"Really. Lower-case smack."

‘’That is a Very good Question twilight how bout let our classmates answer that’’ Colgate looks at your fellow classmate, but everyone stood quietly.

"Grammar Mama! It should be like this. "That is a very good question Twilight how about letting our classmates answer that." Colgate looks at your fellow classmates, but everyone stood quietly."

"Plenty more are in here, but story wise it getting there."
-Johnny Bravo

I think I can agree with the grammar part. I type mine up on Microsoft Word so it can do a grammar and spelling check. It can at least fix some of the problems that you have at this time. But good start to the story.

Comment posted by DAMN HAMSTER deleted Sep 21st, 2015

I notice some grammar issues and typing on the site doesn't have grammar correction. I've been typing my stories on MS Word 2000, and it's grammar and spell check helps. That's something you should look at.

And you might want to replace "tours" with "towards". Other than that, you're doing a good job. Keep it up.

I can already see that Octavia now has a crush on Lightning Bolt.

Comment posted by Frozen Soul deleted Mar 11th, 2016

This is not the best story to read if you're a Grammar Nazi. :rainbowderp: And if this was edited, then your editor is really slacking.

6728466 well at some people like the story so i dont see the problem he doing it for fun not to impress anyone not being mean or anything if i am sorry



great story btw

Mr.Smith as in Matt Smith? Clever Doctor Who referrence sir:moustache:

It when it starts to get good but the chapter ends shortly.

hmm wonder what could happen next.....

i know this is a bit late, but you may need a new editor.. even i can see some obvious mistakes....

6444209 Literally, I read your comment in Johnny's voice:rainbowlaugh:

Anybody wanna take guess at who the girl might be?

grammar near the end got a little sloppy, but other than that, solid chapter.

6911969 When I saw your comment, I looked it over this chapter that I helped edited, and I think he posted the original again instead of the edited one. Already sent him the edited version again.

6728466

Your profile fic matches your comment.

So there I was in class still confuse about earlie

Add a 'd' to confuse.

“That kinda cool. A friend of mind suggesting to join the music club. Since, you know, I play guitar and sing a little.” I said while finishing my meal.

Add a ('s) to that, before kinda cool.

Rainbow look at Lyra and smile “Oh really, well that cool.

Add a ('s) to that, the word before cool.

I know needed to go to that club for that one night job, but it was in the middle of the night. It won't hurt playing a little sport with a friend.

Add a 'I' after I know.

Great. Come to my place. I live right around the block close to Canterlot High. You won't miss it, and will go together to the park,” she said leaving excited and exiting the cafeteria.

Change the will to we'll.

I am to lazy to go on. Sorry for being a grammar Natzi.

We are here, Sir Bolt,” Lyra said with a tone of I was royalty and giggle while she open the door.

"We are here, Sir Bolt." Lyra said with a tone, as if a I was royalty. I giggle, while she opened the door.

I believe that's how it is supposed to go. If not please change it up a little.

6913895 Hey Dont worry. Thank you for the pointing that out. I like people point out my mistake. i look at my errors and try my best to not do it again.

Well, it was time for me to start getting ready to go pick up Rainbow Dash. It was Saturday in the morning and I already ate breakfast and said goodbye to my mother. As I was walking down the street, a thought came to my head, wondering about something. Is it okay for me to come play soccer? I mean I am new to this town. Is it ok for me to play sports? Hope I don’t screw it up.

As I was walking down the street, a thought came to my head. 'Is it okay for me to come play....'

I am sorry if I keep correcting you. But it really annoys me, there is lots of errors!

6913939 I do the best to help him in proofreading his chapters, but MS Word 2000 doesn't catch everything, and I have to use my best judgement in fixing it by thinking about what he is saying.

6915165 I'm not telling you to use Mango 60000 , or whatever. I am not using it, and I'm totally fine! I'm just saying do your best!

Brohoof

6913553 glad i could help if i did, :pinkiehappy:

I wonder what will happen with Bolt and Silver Spoon.

Pretty good i can't wait for the next chapter.

That was cool and very well done Rapid's personality was spot on good job Raikiry.

Nice! My OC got introduced by playing a part of an awesome song?! I Like it! :rainbowdetermined2:

6943221 That's cool frost! both of our Oc's debut was in the same chapter.

Overlord op cool realy cool

Hmm... interesting and unorthodox chapter nice twist Raikiry

Great chapter as always. I fell the same way, I just write for fun and the likes are just bonus for me :twilightsmile:.

Comment posted by Raikiry deleted Feb 18th, 2016

Do I just pm you ask for my oc to be in. Also I can't wait to see the next chapter I love human spirit

i may be a bit late, but the grammar on this is really annoying me. its like its not edited at all

6948066 Yep just Pm me the Details of your Oc his traits and his talents. :pinkiehappy:

You're doing a great job on your story bro. Keep up the good work, and I'll be looking forward to your next chapter.:twilightsmile:

Oh boy! They got stuck in the 'Equestrians Human Spirit universe'?! That's another one of my favorite stories! Awesome! :raritystarry:

I can not wait this story is great

This looks good so I'm going to read it later maybe just maybe if I can be bother and if I like the story I could do a review of it. :twilightsmile: All well, anyway these girls don't want me in this world the O.C Mister Phoenix is kind of a jerk, I should change that but I had a piano drop on me and a evil RD Doll haunting me but keep up the great work. P.S I get off track really easily oh look a chair! :pinkiegasp:

Pretty good chapter Rarikiry and who is this mysterious coltfriend of Applejack?:ajsmug: I know I'm just fooling around.

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