• Member Since 6th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Flutterpriest


I write hoers (Ko-Fi/Patreon)

T
Source

Rarity has always been known to act on impulse at times, especially when her career is concerned, but can the consequences of her impulses always be forgiven?


Narration by VoiceGuy

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 155 )

A feel by any other name is just as sweet.

this was surprisingly good! when i saw all the tags i was surprised honestly. at first i thought it would be something related to domestic violence but it turned out better. only thing bad about this is really the ending. its just so abrupt that it seems that the story is not complete. its as if it needs a Epilogue or something explaining what happens next. also it wasn't very sad considering the story is so short and how things escalate so quickly.

other than that great work!

He should tell everypony what Rarity did; he should find a way to ruin her, emotionally and financially for what she did; make it so that no pony will ever purchase or wear anything from this foal murderer; make her a snubbed pariah...

I HATE that Story :twilightangry2: I know, that her Business is very important to Rarity, but I doubt that she would abort her own Child

All I read was "I'm a stupid Rarity-Hater" :flutterrage: and I personaly think that Rarity-Haters (or any Hater of one of the Mane 6) doesn't even deserve to call him/herself a Fan of the Show, they are an important Part of it (but just disliking a Member is okay)

Sorry if this might Sound mean-spirited... but Rarity-Haters are THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!!! for me since they all ignore her good side (like helping Cadence with her crazy Headdress in "Games Ponies Play" or giving Spike the most expensive Gem... ignoring it's Size)

But I do admit that she can be greedy sometimes

I can't see canon Rarity doing this. Not for another life, much less family, let alone her daughter. Even an alternate counterpart would need extensive justification, justification that this one-shot doesn't deliver at all.

I'll just look the other way and pretend I never saw this trainwreck of character derailment.

5365584
5365412
Yeah, this story is pretty mean-spirited towards Rarity. The reason why I made this story (which was around Eight months ago, I'm just reuploading it here.) was because I was reading an article where horses had the ability to self-abort. It gave me the idea of 'what if humans had a different outlook on this subject than the ponies do?'

At the end of the day, it wasn't smart. Toying with a subject like that is a touchy subject. The Rarity in this story is so out of character and context that I was tempted to put this in "Alternate Universe" tag. Rarity is one of my least favorite characters, but I've got a bit of my own 'Regret' for this story. Even Rarity isn't this bad. None of the ponies are THIS bad. The primary driver for reuploading this here was that this is one of my most popular greentext stories, and I thought I would reupload it here for Fimfiction.

I know I can't please everyone, but I'm sorry to hear you didn't like it.

"Hey, read this" said the Feed.
"It'll be fun" it said.
"Okay" I said.
"I'll read this" I said.
...
"That was not fun" I said.
"I am emotionally ruined" I said.
...
"Hey, read this" I later said to a friend.

5365253

Yeah. I agree with your points. The shortness of this story is really a major pitfall for this. If there was more buildup to this scene or event, then maybe what happened would have more of an impact on the reader. I originally released this small little 'scene' as a pilot or tester for a new multi-part story.

However, in the end I decided that I don't think I could do a story that's this mean-spirited. There are stories that are sad and harsh to main characters, but this is kinda ridiculous. I'm really uploading this because "This is a thing that people liked." It's not because I'm proud of it or that this is something I want to continue.

That, and the subject matter for this story is WAY too touchy and WAY too controversial of a plot for a story that I want to write for this website.

5365655 It's alright, no need to step on eggshells. Nobody's gonna forbid you from posting your wilder ideas (as long as they don't have legally questionable motifs such as lolicon), this is a free site after all. You write what you write; the point where you start writing what people want to read is the point where your love for the craft starts to fade, and it's all downhill from there.

For what it's worth, this was pretty damn well-written. I could taste the damned emotions. Although I'm slightly puzzled as to why Rarity didn't get even a little defensive or angry at Anon; in-universe, she did what she didn't think was wrong. Can you explain that?

EDIT: Fuck it, I'm removing the downvote.

#noragets
:yay:

That was... a thing. Not sure what it was, but definitely a thing. I wouldn't know what to do. Probably would have hurt her.

5365584 thats why it says alternate universe m8

Its not made with cannon personalities in mind


5365671 well it was a nice test and honestly I wouldnt mind reading something like this, but I understand your apprehension about the touchy subject. Dont hesitate to branch out if you start getting bored and want to try different ideas though.

5366069 Neither cannon nor howitzer or mortar. We're not talking about artillery here.

Also:

Even an alternate counterpart would need extensive justification, justification that this one-shot doesn't deliver at all.

–my comment
Because a Rarity that doesn't behave a mite like Rarity isn't Rarity. It's an OC masked as her.

Finally, I posted that before the AU tag was placed there, m80.

hmmm... I rarely give a thumbs down but when I do I give a review telling why. Rarity can be greedy at times, and definitely overreacts, but this was just a little too over the top for me. If the story was much longer and it built up to this point with a realistic progression then maybe.. MAYBE.. it would have made sense but to just go over-the-top OC like this just makes it seem shallow. Ah well, that could just be me since it does have 4 times as many likes as dislikes but I just didn't want to dislike and run :raritywink:

5366489
I got the feeling that something like this is a lot more casual in this version of Equestria than it is on Earth. It's not seen as something bad or sad, just something that you go to a walk-in clinic to get done in a couple minutes.

5365655
I didn't know that ponies had that ability. Learn something new... Yeah, that very much exemplifies things. Especially if the gender disparity is something in this fic. Ponies would definitely be more casual about abortion than humans would. (For female foals, at least.)

Now, still. I can't see Rarity doing something like this. Not after having carried it for so long, and especially not after seeing how happy it made Anon. She definitely would have discussed the possibility with him first.

Knew a young lady who did just that, Like a wrecking ball nothing was left of their lives.could be written better

JBL

5366147 You're terrible :rainbowlaugh:

A sequel in which Rarity comes back from her trip (or from a comforting visit to Fluttershy if she decided not to go), and arrives back at the boutique to find that Anon has hung himself in the nursery turned workroom. The rope made of the finer fabrics that Rarity uses only for her most important projects. Beneath Anon lay the crib he had crafted by hand for their daughter.
Broken.

Now THIS is the kind of thing I'm looking for.

new1.fjcdn.com/comments/4613345+_a622f7c5bc0a3e62fb7de18a59a6d68a.jpg
Seeing as Rarity is one of my favorites (funny since before watching the show I expected to hate her) you'd think I'd be upset. But really, I'm not. The only upsetting thing is, of course, the subject matter of the story, which is actually a good thing. This story needed to evoke emotions, and it did.

What did sorta bum me out is the shortness and the abruptness of the end. Nothing that makes me feel negatively about the story, but it kinda feels like there should be more.
Thinking about it, it's not so much that it feels like it needs a follow-up, instead it feels like this isn't so much a story, but the ending to a longer one. A story where someone has a personal problem that they can't control, a flaw, they try to better themselves and finally they are given the chance to become someone better (in this case: a child), but in the ending they just end up making the same mistake yet again, not having learned anything and finally reached the low point where they lose something irreplaceable, as well as maybe their final chance. That is the ending this story is, we just skipped the build up.

A strong point this story had though was making it a second-person story, I genuinely felt like the emotions were my own, that this is the way I would have acted and reacted. (Though I might have gone so far as to tear one of her "projects" in two. Childish maybe, but considering what must be going through ones head at a situation like this, I don't know if I could be blamed at the moment.)
There are few stories like this where I agree to what the author is telling me is how I feel. So good job.

Despite what I said though about this being an ending, I can't help but wonder what would happen next. If ponies really can self-abort like you said, how would the other ponies feel? Would they sympathize with Anon at all, or understand his reaction? Could they? And if some of them could, who would they be, and was it the abortion itself, or the fact that Rarity made the decision without consulting Anon first that they would condemn?
Then again... My first, and so far only story came about from me wanting to continue a story someone else wrote because I wanted to see where it could go from there, so maybe I'm just strange like that.

Wow, didn't start writing this expecting it to become a mini-review, but there it is. Don't know if I'll give it a thumbs up yet. This has given me a lot to think about, which is not a bad thing. All in all, it was thought-provoking, gripping and engaging. Don't even care about OOC Rarity. Nicely done. :raritywink:

This is a good story, but it really doesn't seem like it should be a one-shot. This feels like a prologue, not the whole story.

I would love this to be a full on story with multiple chapters. I see a lot of potential in this. If you decide to make such a thing happen I am behind you 100%! :pinkiehappy:

5367814
I very much agree with you. This story shouldn't be as short as it is. This is a "Rehosting" of this story, and if I were to go back in time to when I wrote it, I would give it the amount of buildup that it deserves.

5367895
Thank you. It's something I've been considering for after my current projects are completed.

5367356

Red Angel, First of all, thank you for your 'mini-review'. To see someone put this much thought into this story really warms my heart. I won't claim to be a great writer, but if there is one thing I want to do is to make readers think and feel. The questions you were asking at the end of the story were exactly what I wanted the reader to think about. The reader, Anon, is the outsider. To the ponies, what he is doing could be completely justified or entirely wrong. It all depends on their society.

That said, as I had mentioned in other comments, this is some of my older work. Is it really an excuse? Of course not. This is the 'past Priest' that had an idea for a story and decided to write the juiciest scene first rather than giving this concept and this scene the proper story it deserves.

The wedding? Should have been a chapter.
The decision to have a child? Should have been a chapter.
The setting up of the children's room? Should have been a chapter.

All of these things should have been shown rather than told in this story and to be honest, I feel terrible that this story does not have the proper buildup that it deserves, nor the proper conclusion it deserves. It should be at least 10x this current length to do it justice, and it shouldn't need curse words to show how the reader should feel. The reader should feel outraged at what happened.

One day, I would like to come back to this story and do it 'Right'. Hopefully on that day you will be around to see it.

On that day, I would also never write Rarity in the same way this story happened. This Rarity is basically an OC. I'm not proud of that. If I could slap 'Past Priest' in the face, I would. But I can't. So here it is.

I would not blame a single person that down votes this story. I personally feel, and KNOW that I can do better than this.

Thank you again.

5366489
Aesoplan, Never feel guilty for downvoting or disliking something.

I know I can't please everyone, despite my attempts to do my best. Personally, I feel and know that this is not my best work. The whole product feels rushed and overall too short. Plus, the Rarity in this story isn't even worth being called Rarity, in my opinion. Like I've mentioned in other comments, this is my older work, being rehosted on Fimfiction.

Thank you for reading my story. Hopefully I can earn your like next time, my friend.

you have such a strong beginning, I am in wonder as to how this story is going to play out! please keep the writing up and don't lose faith!!

Truth Time: something similar to this happened to my brother, Thankfully we got a happy ending to that ordeal.

5368321

Couldn't you have just renamed her? I mean copying the Story into a Textdokument, searching for "Rarity" and replacing it with an other Name (probably an OC) doesn't Sound that hard.

Also (which I forgot to mention last Time) I'm not a Fan of Anon-Stories, but that's my own opinion :twilightsheepish:

I'd honestly like to see this fix become more then a one shot. It's a very good premise. Touchy yes. But I liked it

Very interesting. There's an excellent message in the making, and though Rarity is oc, it could be written around it beautifuly. My only quam is that its a cliff hanger. I wish it had a happy resolution, with both nonnie and Rarity learning something from the ordeal.
Still, well done good sir/madame.

5368271 then give the re-hosting a continuation! It's not as if you can't write well! :pinkiehappy:

I liked it, brought out emotions like it should have, very controversial subject but I like when writers do that type of stuff, keeps the story refreshing. I agree with a lot of people that the ending was extremely abrupt and left me a bit disappointed to not see it continue but overall I found it very good and did and excellent job to bring out the emotions it was suppose to.

I just hope this isn't based on the author's views on abortion, or we're gonna have a big flame war.

I'm pro-choice, by the way. Even so, this was a good story, and I mean good.

5373640
Let me get this out of the way right now.

No. It is not.

This is spawned from the idea of "What if this topic was something completely casual in Equestria?"

The topic is obviously very touchy to humans, and with a human in Equestria, this would have to be an adjustment point for them. This story is not in any way attempting to impose pro-life or pro-choice views onto the reader.

5374066

Okay. Thanks for clarifying.

i definitely feel his pain, this is almost like the story 'unfamiliar patterns' when Rarity and Zecora got together then Rarity tried to hide her love from her fashion career. it's a good story to watch if you like to read.

to you Rarity from this story this is what all who are in my world say to people or ponies by Al Murray in under a minute. SHAME ON YOU!!

5374066

"What if this topic was something completely casual in Equestria?"

Aborting a child should never be casual. I don't care what the circumstances are.

This story is really good, but it feels like is incomplete. an Epiloge would be great.

Rarity is such a bitch.Wow.

This needs an aftermath chapter.

5365086 What...the...ass?

5375357 even if the woman/girl was raped?
And the child would be born into the poverty so the the child would grow up never experience the love of a mother, but only knows contempt from her instead. And because of the life of poverty the child would grow up in, it would also know of what hunger is... Never quite sure if it's starvation would be relived that day?
This is just a what if, but it does happens sometimes.

This is the problem with too radical views on most debates. Too far out to either sides on the scales, wil make it tip over!
And to deny those who need, it just out of principle, would be barbaric.
To give it away as a replacement for other prentative means, would be idiotic.
But to set certain limitations, guidelines and new sociatal moral standars would be, while far from perfect, favorable.

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