• Member Since 24th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 4th, 2022

TheDawsonator1


If you came here for any sort of sanity, You came to the wrong page! heh heh HAHAHAHAHA! But yes, I love HIE and some good funny stories and love depending in how it's done. Have fun out there!

T

Warning: Slight Dark and slight one-sided Celestia x Human. There will be no happy endings.

Anonymous has been charged with the death of Princess Luna. Twenty-five years later, on a stormy night his name is cleared and Princess Celestia tracks him down to convince him to come back with her.

But Anon has not been some innocent ponies, will he come back with blood on his hands or will he stay in the Tartarus-hole abomination he has been in for the last Twenty-Five years?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 55 )

Shit this was edgy :twilightoops:

good story, but who says he cant go back to equestria to do what he does better?

giz

The best revenge is to have a good life now that can return or go to other kingdoms could have a good life far, of which they betrayed him

Broken Engrish.
Tense shifts.
Numerous punctuation errors.
Random capitalization.

Normally I would suggest getting an editor, but even if every technical flaw were fixed, there still wouldn't be a shred of genuine emotion anywhere in this whole thing.

If it were a hundred times shorter, and a hundred times more honest:

Celestia: "We wrongfully convicted you of murder, and now we want to act like nothing happened."

Anon: "Grr! blood! Edge! Kill! Angst!"

Celestia: "Okay, I love you, bye."

The end.

6230893

Yeah, speaking from an author's standpoint. This could really use some editing...and maybe a redo so that Celestia doesn't come off as a complete arse (This guy killed kids and she just carried on wangsting) and the human (What's his name again?) doesn't respond with -

"I've killed, I've killed so many, ragh feel my angst!"

Just a bit of advice, you don't have to follow it mind you. It is your story :)

6230675

It's not about revenge; it's the fact that he is fundamentally a different person and cannot fit into Equestria. He's crossed lines that will haunt him forever, and doesn't believe he has the self control to avoid relapsing into forbidden behavior he had to develop to survive.

He's a damaged person. And it's Celestia and everyone else in Equestria that called him friend's fault, because none of them believed him, when they should have known better.

Further than that, if Celestia is to be believed, she had no idea what exile means. That's even more inexcusable, since if he had died immediately in exile it would not, in fact, have been a mercy compared to granting the requests for his execution. She has no idea what life she sentenced him to.

He deserves a better fate than his current position though. I actually blame Princess Celestia for not making this right. It's her responsibility to improve his life, since she is the one who ruined it. It's her responsibility to get him the help he needs to recover, to put him in a better situation, even if it was somewhere other than Equestria.

Because he didn't say he preferred his current life, he obviously hates it. He just can't imagine living any other way.

giz

6230948 good point:twilightsmile:
people with strong depressive states or strong traumas, need plenty of help, external to move forward and heal

you are right at the end, celestia was innocent enough to not understand the real impact of exile, and what would have to do to survive

and even more to let it go so easily

6231003

In these kind of stories, while the temptation is high to always blame the 'betrayers', I ask myself the one critical question:

Are they willing to do what is necessary to make things right?

And if the answer is yes, then that means they can be forgiven, and while the relationship may never be the same, the 'betrayers' can at least make amends.

If the answer is no, like this case with just a blank open invitation and 'everyone will forgive you', then I'm thinking they don't deserve to be forgiven. Perhaps the only good thing is that Celestia came herself to apologize, she could have tried to use an intermediary. However, that itself is called into question because from the text it appears the only reason she came in person is to confess a crush. To the one whose life she had wrongly condemned to a fate unknown.

6231003 Yes you got the point right I see (High five through the computer, uh Pinkie Pie can you make that happen please?). I like exile stories alot, especially the Twilight ones, but I can't help but feel they abandon a life they got used to so easily whereas the life they had before exile is taking quite a process to get over with. That's why I made Anon not go back. Say a protagonist's sanity is damaged (Like say Jason Brody from Far Cry 3 or someone with an Evil Karma option) there is a good chance that once they go back into society they could possibly be derranged or kill things out of sheer habit. They won't be the same.

This applies to Anon and he knows this. Celestia, I like to think has a will that may be carried through other ponies or herself personally. I sort tried to make her out to be still naive despite her long life as a Princess. Also that she's not good with love anyway, I am assuming that she hasn't had previous experience or the experience is outdated.

giz

6231070
he felt, that it was in order to feel better about herself and to plead that to repair his error in judgment.

at the end of the day, it came to she, and not the life I destroyed



6231168
he made no real effort to repair his mistake. I leave him go very easily to such people should not abandon because it always ends badly


alone they can not break the vicious circles

I have several close cases, and believe me with the right help can save a person

Maybe add a part showing that the Mane 6 have grown up and now have to live with the regret that they turned their back on an innocent man. I feel like that would hit home for some people.

6231402 That would seem like a good idea...but if something were to go to the mane six, i would have some far more devious in mind.

6231422 Now I am intrigued! :eeyup: Must have moar! :flutterrage:

But Anon has not been some innocent ponies,

Wat? I feel like there are words missing, because I have no idea what that is supposed to say, at all. Everything before and after in the description reads fine, except that line.

Twilight and the others will forgive you, your friends will forgive you and so will I” Celestia tried to persuade Anon

Forgive him? FOR WHAT HE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE FORGIVEN THEY SHOULD BE WTF CELESTIA!

also nice story :P

So many missing periods! I ain't copying and pasting all of that. :eeyup: Nope.

Would have been nice if this was given... more.

good story and i felt the blade went in the heart from that.
also i wonder this could be a sequel with the mane six trying to bring him back. have a thought on that?

...Well, that was quite subpar.
But then again, expecting finesse is just lining oneself for disappointment. Well, of bloody course it can`t be interesting, it has to be sketchy, disjointed, hurried, "edgy" shit, if it actually got written. Bah. Have yourself a well deserved dislike for doing everything that could be done wrong with a plot that could`ve been done right.

that hurt, good story teling

I think if anyone was put in celestia's hooves, they woude be continplating suicide.

this story stung deep, but pravow whit the emoshions though.

Um, you don't want to know what I think...

You really don't.

6230942 Of course YOU would say that. In any case it was good overall man but I didn't quite care for how he got sentimental there at the end.

If there are Sun cultist that could kill Luna, does that mean there are Moon cultist?

:fluttershysad: pretty please make a sequel from this story.
:fluttershyouch: if that's alright with you.

6706896 Yes, but they wouldn't kill Celestia. They're Lunatics.

6833756 No shame on you go to the corner and think about what you just said.

I don't quite understand the sudden love that just flew in from no where.

In order for this to make sense it would be advisable to do a prologue that touches into the key moments of the past that would explain more on the relationships he had with the ponies.

And you glossed over a BIG fucking deal with the sun cultists and the riot as if it its just a common occurrence in equestria.

Honestly I'm picking up a speciest vibe from the whole thing and it would be a good bit of flesh to have actually shown the trial and the proceedings of said trial, or if there even was one.

BAH point is is that there were quite a few points left out that would have made this story a bit more sensible and not just a
"woe as me ive had to kill, whats that? You want me to come back because you love me? Fuck you bitch, you stole years from me." Kind of fic.

I'm all for the ponies are dumbasses and cunts fanclubs but quality over quantity wins it at the end of the day.

~Almighty

so wait he doesn't hate celestia for exiling him? 25 years? no?

ok:derpytongue2:

7046873 He has every right to hate her, but then he launches onto an angst-fueled bout of self-flagellation about how bad he is because he has done what he had to do to survive.

I would have killed the prick for sitting me up for murder.

And for celestia, I would brake her mind into submission until she thinks of taking her own life. :pinkiehappy:

And I will have a smile on my face will doing it. :pinkiecrazy:

P.S. My message is far from done, but I won't clog your mines with it

P.S.S. Good story keep up the good work.

YES...EVERYONE MUST FORGIVE HIM FOR WHAT HE DIDN'T DO !!!! HOW CORNY !!!

Twilight and the others will forgive you, your friends will forgive you and so will I

He didn't do anything wrong though, why would they forgive him? He was wrongly accused and they should beg for him not to kill them in righteous fury.

you may want to excuse me from all the ten bazillion other crimes I committed under this Neutral sun, but I don't.

I thought he was in a neutral land with no kingdom, no government, and no laws. How could he commit any crimes? And don't say something like 'crimes against nature' for killing kids. Have you seen nature? Young animals die all the time. He was in a savage land and wanted to survive so he became more bestial. I thought most of the people in that land were criminals too, so he didn't really do much wrong.

Nice story. I would like to make a suggestion to make a sequel to this story about Celestia's return to canterlot with bad news to everypony and his ex friends try to get him back

WE NEED MORE OF THIS PLZ:pinkiesad2:

It was a good story but i kinda dislike the part with "celestia loves him" part

Once blood is spilled, their is no such thing as 'going back'.

Do a bonus chapter where celestial comes back and finds anon dead

8053139
I agree 100% on the last part. Killing is fun... * laughs like a maniac*

Is there going to be a sequel for tia to bring the bar news to the mane six about anon?

9157383
Honestly, I've been thinking about a Sequel where Anon goes back to Equestria but well...I never thought of a good way to write it, I may try again soon. So far in my head, I don't think Celestia told the Mane Six about visiting Anon at all.

Sick bestiality fetishists.

You see, If I was him. I'd be like F it. I'll come back. As soon, as I enter Canterlot. I'd rip off my cloths to this song

“You don’t have to be like this anymore, Anonymous. Your name has been cleared, you can enter Equestria at your leisure. Twilight and the others will forgive you, your friends will forgive you and so will I” Celestia tried to persuade Anon

Forgive him? For what if I may ask? For your false justice? For your mistake?

Really, I'd like to know

This was so poorly written it should have a comedy tag.

9162188
Actually, it'd be hilarious to see Equestria try to welcome this guy back... I'd pay to see it, and get popcorn.

Yeah, this is written so badly I started skipping so I wouldn't cringe too bad. :D Still, what the fuck, Celestia?! How did you think this was going to go?

Like, seriously. Airhead much?! :D

If it were me, I'd have half a mind to just kill her on the spot. Makeshift firearms, anyone?

"The next bullet won't miss."

9513895
I think she referred to what he did while in exile.

Like he said, the cave walls wasn't red because of paint...

9963845
How'd she know though? And Beyond even that how in the bloody hell can you think to place blame on someone's madness despite the fact that YOU were the one who caused it? It makes no God be damned sense and my question stills stands.

I always get a strange satisfaction when the ponies realized they fucked up someone’s life and thus they were forced to change to survive. Probably has to do with the fact that there is so many stories that the MC is just “oh I see it was a misunderstanding I forgive you and shall come back and love ya” and all that bull. So I guess that’s why these kinda stories give a form of satisfaction guess part of it it that humans no matter how ya are always have a darker side that they indulge in even if they are like an angle else where.

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