• Member Since 8th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen Oct 31st, 2021


Your typical Brony that loves chaos and fear. That is trying to please you with his writing.


I am a royal elite guard form the Crystal Empire. Well I was.
Since power was my key as the only human in Equestria. I became a guard for the Crystal Empire. I made my way through the ranks. While the Empire grew to love me. Even Shining Armour...We became bro's.
Life was perfect until one day.
Me a royal elite guard got banish by Celestia.
I will have my revenge on the Equestrians.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 102 )

Use your words. This is riddled with acceptably bad grammer mistakes. If you don't know how to spell some shit, just type the phrase into the Google search bar and write what it says in the "did you mean:" section.
But damn, this is gonna be good. Keep on keepin on with this.

Is much good. Ere is somfin unrelated.stream1.gifsoup.com/view/975346/drunk-russian-o.gif

keep it up, i like were this is going :raritywink:

I will try my best!

great job a few mistakes but I could care less about them

An occasional spelling mistake doesn't exactly destroy a story. But there are so many mistakes here that I honestly thought this was an exceptionally long lead up to a surprise trollfic.

You might wonder why this is a problem. But the fact is a large portion of readers will simply stop reading the moment they notice an exceptionally blatant mistake.

Certainly does not paint a pretty picture when even the author's notes have blatant mistakes in them:
Why are we thrown in so quickly?
What did Celestia and Luna do?
More will be relieved.

The plot is advancing. That is all.

i like the bromance between shining and the protagonist :rainbowlaugh: carry on

:/prolog complete....
:/send request for 1st act...
:/1st act request delivered...
:/load 1st act...

Do not stop, I wish to see how this all goes! :)

5488806 Boredom, forget the story after some time away, real life, etc.

I...hmm...too shay...but I won't stop.

"I'm I blind?"

i do hope you meant "Am I blind?"
otherwise this is getting good!

:facehoof: Well done Celestia, you made another mistake AGAIN!

You should really do something about the typos and... false words.

Let alone the short description...

I mean... if the protagonist "severed the Chrystal Empire his whole life" there is just no wonder WHY he was banished... The real question should be, why everypony there loved him...

You might want to fix these.

"Tartarus! He is not evil!"

"Tartarus?! He is not evil!!!"








"TELL US!!!"





Thanks. I will get to it when I have time.

5491252 Your welcome, and don't forget this too.

"But honey."

"But honey." But she was interrupted when Shining shouted at her before she could finish her sentence.

...and then the revolution began.

is english your second language? also, do you need an editor?

And now Celestia fucks up again!..... I am clapping for all the problems she caused this day.

Yes, kick their asses Andvari.

Andvari. I now grant you my power over the void. Use it wisely

Gee wiz, an invasion of the crystal empire, a force that gets decimated by the crystal guards, main character going on genocidal rampage, Celestia sending him to pansy-hell? Sounds a bit like Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold, by Dropbear. Except that one is well written.

This is another very good story you have, and I can't wait to read more of it. :pinkiehappy:

English is definitely a second language to you. Get a Beta so they can correct all of these grammatical mistakes of yours. No offense.

Why do the good one's always have such low number chapters? Lazy bastards.

Depending on how this goes this WILL be included in my group keep it up.

Celestia: Oh he's angry because his loved one died. SEND HIM TO HELL! Only when he's not angry any more he can come back. Its not like we could've talked him down or anything or give him a hug or a shoulder to cry on.

To Author: Love your story by the way I just like to make fun of ponies in the comment section alot.

It's interesting to read!

more please? :fluttershysad:

Please tell me that the Black Knights are formed soon after?

Sorry to say this but it feels like you are just shelling out unpolished, uncut and unclean work to the general public. The plotline is rushed, grammar errors left and right, words missing or not even there to make it fluid and lastly he is given an disproportionate retribution for taking the life of one diamond dog for murdering the life of the pony he loves. Flaws left and right. Fix it.

Comment posted by Castok the Shadow deleted Mar 4th, 2015



Thanks for replying to an 8 week old comment. You're right though.

I suddenly thought of "Malacoda" (you know: the Divine Comedy)

Now how if that bad you ask?


She does the Pinkie pie promise.

^[Pinkie Pie]

I took of my amour and went back out.


In a day the Crystal empire knew about me.

^[Crystal Empire]

Lucky they kept it a secret. They didn't tell the rest of Canterlot or Ponyvillie

^[Luckily], [Ponyville]

I Andvari is no longer a royal guard of day and night.

^shouldn't this be [am] instead of [is]?

We'll we were.


Seeing a flew things just before I left.


"I heard about the job. Nice job with the filly."

^maybe should be [I heard what you did.] would sound better?

Now you relies that I am going to have to punish you

Seems like an awesome story just need to go over them a few times before publishing new chapters

I let here down and she walks off again


We'll I manage to get back to the Crystal Empire without the gang getting to me.


She kept calling a me an angle.


I got you suit ready!


That's why I don't go to Ponyvillie...


Applejack because of an mission.

^sounds better with [a] then it does with [an] to me but its your story

See wore a light blue dress with a white swirl going across.


Made especially from me.


This party was made to Celebrate the defeat of king Sombra.

^[King Sombra]

We were on the dance floor that was held near the Crystal heart.

^[Crystal Heart]

She was still beating but it's slowing down.


We shall kill them all for what they done

"I will not allow you to kill them when they surrender!"


"Andvari I here by sent you to."

^ "Andvari I hereby sentence you to-" most seem to use - when they cut a sentence instead of a period

I hear by strip you off your rank





The 3 Alicorns stood on the balcony.

The 3 Alicorns watched in shock as every single Crystal pony lost their Crystal coat.

^ plz use the word [three] and not just the number seems a bit lazy

They watch as the crowd starts to get out of hand again.

^they use the word [hoof] not [hand]... unless they got it from Andvari :rainbowhuh:
Well, disregarding the errors that was an awesome chapter... but I gotta say those Alicorns are retarded :rainbowlaugh:

so, you sent a bad guy to Tartarus so he can return when his heart is pure.
thats like sending a petty theft to a American prison, and releasing him after he learns how to commit real crimes. you can have a pure black heart too, you know?

It is really interesting. I'm already thrilled to read the next chapter. :pinkiesmile:

man they really gone and done it now dont they know they should of got their facts first before they do something like that

Hey is this going to continue or what you leave on the best pary and havent written anything

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