Pure heart
Amour? Check! Sword? Check!
I kick open the doors and take in the sight. Guards were running towards the disaster while Crystal ponies ran away screaming. "Hey you!" I point at one of the running guards.
He stops and turns towards me. "Yes sir?"
I walk up to him. "What is going on?"
"Diamond Dogs are trying to steal as much as possible even if they have to kill!"
"Crap! Ok your free to go!" He nods and continue to run. I slowly run behind. If they harm Crystal Eclipse I swear to Celestia they pay.
"DUCK!" I focus back to the real world and duck in time as a flaming barrel was hurled over me. I arrived at the edge of the Crystal Empire. Guards were fighting Diamond Dogs on the street. "Sir!" I turn to see two squads of guards behind me. "What should we do?"
"Any information?"
"The Diamond Dogs on the street are buying time for the Dogs that are in our mares home and stealing their valuables. So far no deaths!"
"All right! You lot!" I point to the first squad. "Help these guards push back the Dogs while you ponies!" I point to the other squad. "Push them out of our homes."
"Yes sir!" They march out.
"AH!" That sounds like Crystal Eclipse! I turn to her home and run.
"No!" Her house was on fire. A Diamond Dog runs out carrying a bag. What caught my eye was he had blood on his paws. "YOU!" I draw my sword while he freezes. "What did you do!" He smirks at me. "Oh your gonna pay!" I run up to him while he draws his own sword. He braces for a clash but I slide past him and slash his knee. He cries out in pain but it's silenced shortly after as I had stabbed him in the throat. I push him off my sword and run inside.
"Crystal Eclipse!" The house was in ruin. I notice the blood trail leading upstairs. "No!" I run upstairs and into Crystal Eclipse room. "NO!" I stares at the figure on the bed. Crystal Eclipse. I run over. "NO! NO!" I quickly spot the cut on her neck. I felt my feet getting wet from the blood.
"Crystal Eclipse!" I flip her over and check her barrel. She was still beating but it's slowing down.
"Andvari?" I look back at her eyes. They were faded and her eyelids were slowly closing.
"Stay with me!"
"Andvari...I'm not going to make it."
"Don't say that! You will!"
"Andvari...I...will always love you." She lets out a final breath while her eyes shut.
"NO! DON'T LEAVE ME!" I notice the fire was getting out off hand. I pick up Crystal Eclipse and run outside.
"Sir they are holding! Wh-" He notices Crystal Eclipse. "Sir I'm so sorry."
I thanked the guard but something changed inside of me. I give Crystal Eclipse over to the guard. "Make sure she gets a funeral." He nods. I lean closer to Crystal Eclipse and kiss her. "I will always love you too."
"Sir what abo-"
I walk away towards the Dogs on the street. I notice one in the middle of the fight. "Fight brothers! They are weak and will not kill us!" He notices me. "Get him!" Two Dogs charge at me. I walk past them as they both stop. "What?" The two dogs drop to the floor while blood spills out. "Who are you?" I grab him by his throat.
Every other Dog fight stops fighting. "I'm going to kill you all." I throw him onto the floor and stab him in the chest. I pull the sword out and look at the other Dogs.
"Retreat!" I notice the shadows and look up at the sky. Equestrian forces.
"Sir! We want the same thing." I turn to notice every single Crystal guard behind me. "We will follow you to the end." I nod.
"Brothers and sister! You may leave but if you stay! We shall kill them all for what they done!" They all cheer and I lead them after the dogs.
"Stop!" Celestia, Luna and Cadence land in front of us. Celestia walks forward. "They are asking to surrender and we accept. They shall face their crimes in prison."
"I don't care." I watch as the 3 Alicorns flinch back. "We are going to kill them all." We start to walk forward.
"Stop! I order you!" I try to walk past but Celestia blocks me with a wing. "I will not allow you to kill them when they surrender!"
I back away and lift my sword towards her muzzle. "We will fight you if we have to!" The Crystal guards cheer.
"Stop!" Cadence shouts.
"We will follow him to the end!" They shout back.
"Don't make us do this." Luna walks forwards.
I notice the Equestrian troops surround us. Celestia horn glows. "What are you doing?"
Celestia start to tear up. "Y-Your hear is no longer pure. It is blacker then night." She lowers her horn. "Last chance." I shake my head. "The crime for a heart blacker then night is..." She couldn't say the rest.
"HEY!" I turn to see the Equestrian troops push the Crystal Empire troops back. "What are you doing?" The Equestrian troops stripped the Crystal Empire of the weapons and used magic to stop the unicorns.
Celestia turns towards the Luna and Cadence. They were starting to tear up. After a little shouting they turn to me. "Cadence and Luna if you would please." Their horn glows and chains spring from the ground and latch onto me.
"What!" I try to break free but they were too strong.
"Andvari for a heart blacker then night I here by sent you to..." She was struggling again. I felt my rage falling.
"No! You got the wrong idea!" I look at Cadence. "Don't betray me like them! Please! I thought I could trust you!" She started to tear up more.
"Andvari I here by sent you to."
Shining watched over the civilians. A guard came up to him. "Sir! The battle is over. We have one death!"
"Who have we lost?"
"Crystal Eclipse sir."
"Oh no."
"Andvari also has a small burst off 'Love lost' surge"
"Oh no!" Shining turns and runs. "I need to stop him before it makes him do something he regret!"
"Andvari I here by sent you to Tartarus."
"WHAT!" I struggle against the chains. I could hear the Crystal guards shouting for me. "Tartarus! Are you crazy!" Celestia horn glows and a portal opens behind me.
Cadence walks forwards. "Andvari until your heart is pure again. I hear by strip you off your rank." I feel the portal slowly pull me in.
I snapped. "YOU TRAITOR! I TRUSTED YOU! YOUR JUST LIKE THEM!" I point to Luna and Celestia. "WHEN I GET OUT I'M COMING FOR YOU 3!" I wanted to say more but I got yanked in while the portal closed.
Shining runs up to Cadence. "Cadence! Where Andvari?"
Celestia walks up to Shining. "Banished. He wanted the kill the Dogs even when they surrendered."
"Because he lost his love!"
"Don't worry Shining he be back when he is pure."
"W-Where did you send him?"
"Tartarus."
Shining couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Tartarus! He is not evil!"
"But honey."
"No Cadence! I'm sticking up for him! He would do the same for me! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! TARTARUS! I-I!" Shining turns and walks away. He couldn't believe them!
The 3 Alicorns stood on the balcony. While the Crystal Empire civilians waited below surrounded by Equestrian guards. Cadence walks over to the edge. "We have won!" A cheer is heard. "They have been captured and shall face their crime! Any questions?"
"Where are the Crystal guards?"
"They are resting in the castle!"
Shining stood in the crowd. He leans close to a mare. "What did you do to Andvari?" He whispers.
The mare raises her hoof. "What did you do to Andvari?" The entire group gasp.
"Yeah where is he?"
"What happen to him?"
The crowd starts to get out of control. "SILENCE!" Celestia shouts to which they listen. "He has been banished. That is all you need to know." The 3 Alicorns watched in shock as every single Crystal pony lost their Crystal coat.
"WHAT!"
"WHY!"
"TELL US!"
"DIDN'T YOU HATE HIM?"
"YEAH!"
They watch as the crowd starts to get out of hand again. The Equestrian troops tried to keep it under control but were having trouble. Celestia pushes Cadence and Luna inside.
I slowly open my eyes only to jump up and shout. "WHERE AM I?" The memories of what just happened flash back to me. "Is this Tartarus?"
I looked around all I could see was darkness. "Am I blind?" I look down. "Nope. I can see myself. Wait..." I notice the chains were gone. "W-Where am I?"
A wonderful place.
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i do hope you meant "Am I blind?"
otherwise this is getting good!
You should really do something about the typos and... false words.
Let alone the short description...
I mean... if the protagonist "severed the Chrystal Empire his whole life" there is just no wonder WHY he was banished... The real question should be, why everypony there loved him...
You might want to fix these.
"Tartarus?! He is not evil!!!"
"WHAT?!"
"WHY?!"
"TELL US!!!"
"DIDN'T YOU HATE HIM?!"
"YEAH!!!"
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! TARTARUS?!
5491250
Thanks. I will get to it when I have time.
5491252 Your welcome, and don't forget this too.
"But honey." But she was interrupted when Shining shouted at her before she could finish her sentence.
...and then the revolution began.
And now Celestia fucks up again!..... I am clapping for all the problems she caused this day.
Yes, kick their asses Andvari.
i need moar
Andvari. I now grant you my power over the void. Use it wisely
Gee wiz, an invasion of the crystal empire, a force that gets decimated by the crystal guards, main character going on genocidal rampage, Celestia sending him to pansy-hell? Sounds a bit like Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold, by Dropbear. Except that one is well written.
This is another very good story you have, and I can't wait to read more of it.
Why do the good one's always have such low number chapters? Lazy bastards.
Depending on how this goes this WILL be included in my group keep it up.
Celestia: Oh he's angry because his loved one died. SEND HIM TO HELL! Only when he's not angry any more he can come back. Its not like we could've talked him down or anything or give him a hug or a shoulder to cry on.
To Author: Love your story by the way I just like to make fun of ponies in the comment section alot.
5531581
It's interesting to read!
CONTINUE!!!!!
Wat
more please?
Update please
Please tell me that the Black Knights are formed soon after?
Need more
Sorry to say this but it feels like you are just shelling out unpolished, uncut and unclean work to the general public. The plotline is rushed, grammar errors left and right, words missing or not even there to make it fluid and lastly he is given an disproportionate retribution for taking the life of one diamond dog for murdering the life of the pony he loves. Flaws left and right. Fix it.
5512925
WRONG it's NIGEL M CHAMBERS, EMPEROR. REVENGE IS IT'S SEQUEL.
5736387
Thanks for replying to an 8 week old comment. You're right though.
I suddenly thought of "Malacoda" (you know: the Divine Comedy)
^[breathing]
^^[they've]?
^ "Andvari I hereby sentence you to-" most seem to use - when they cut a sentence instead of a period
^[hereby]
^[YOU'RE]
^ plz use the word [three] and not just the number seems a bit lazy
^they use the word [hoof] not [hand]... unless they got it from Andvari
======================
Well, disregarding the errors that was an awesome chapter... but I gotta say those Alicorns are retarded
so, you sent a bad guy to Tartarus so he can return when his heart is pure.
thats like sending a petty theft to a American prison, and releasing him after he learns how to commit real crimes. you can have a pure black heart too, you know?
It is really interesting. I'm already thrilled to read the next chapter.
man they really gone and done it now dont they know they should of got their facts first before they do something like that
Hey is this going to continue or what you leave on the best pary and havent written anything
6071737
Not dead and its not over yet.
i dont know what is more painful, reading about eclips's death or waiting for a new chapter.
so, uh, let me get this straight, because his heart became black, you're solution to purify him, was to send him to HELL? what kind of dumbass logic is that?!
Ok, so far in this story we know that Andvari was best friends with celestia and Luna, but because of him being human they wanted to keep him a secret( yet the main six know for some reason) from all of equestria and when Andvari has enough of it he leaves them to go to the crystal empire and falls in love, but after some time there is an invasion led by diamond dogs and finds out that his girlfriend died and now he wanted to kill the diamond dogs, so just as he does this the three stoo- I mean princesses decide he has a dark heart so they banish him to what is basically described as hell... What the heck were they on when they made this idiotic decision? I mean come on he just lost someone close to him of course he's messed up!!!!
Rather dark story and rated E
Really good story. The spelling and grammer is pretty bad though (wrong spelling intended)
5967819
6274883
6246796
If you would read the part at the end of this chapter, they surely didn't send him to Tartarus.
6403887 They still didn't try helping him, just sweeping the problem under the rug.
6403887
I think they did send him to Tartarus, but the bold letters are that of a demonic being talking with him via telepathy ( no " " ).
This story has a lot of potential to turn out great. But it feels a but rushed.
Luna, cadence, celestia. YOU DONE FUCKED UP!
is this dead?
Grabs sun butt this is for your own black heart bitch (opens portal ) have fun being the devil's new fuck toy you whore throws sun butt into portal and close it kills the other two with desert eagle
I'm really liking this story short far, one or two things that I might comment from on though,
(Not that I'm a writer or anything but still)
it feels a little rushed? Maybe flesh out the chapters a bit more, I know some stories I've read on here would have made these four chapters into about 8 or 9.
And maybe get a proof reader if you can? Some of the English seems a bit broken here and there and it can be a little jarring just when I'm getting immersed into the story.
HOWEVER!!
These don't stop me wanting to read this, if anything it makes me want to read more of this and some of your other stories, because with more writing comes more experience and I really think this fiction could go places.
So please please continue, I look forward to reading more of this story and others by you.
6814566 I'm sorry man, the author doesn't ever even come close to finishing his stories.
6828108 having seen your comment I did some research and looked at his other stories.
There may be some truth to your word.
However I am not going to give up hope, I will put my trust and faith that the author will continue this story and see it through to the end!
.
.
.
I've made a horrible miskate havnt I?