Man of technology

My name is Tech. I am a human living secretly in the Everfree. I am called Tech because I am a master with technology.
I invent or watch ponies to past the time. I didn't mind my life but I was lonely. That until I got an Idea from watching ponies.
Now I won't be alone.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 19 )

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Ryan Martin

Ryan Martin #1 · Jan 6th, 2015 · · ·

Interesting concept, keep it up.

Iron Sky

Iron Sky #2 · Jan 6th, 2015 · 4 · 1 ·

There's no explanation of who the main character is, or why they're hiding in the woods. No explanation of why they can fabricate anything they can think of beyond, "Power over metal and technology is awesome!"

Sweetie-bot has none of the charm of the FiW character.

The relationship between the two characters doesn't develop. It just goes straight from man and spare parts to father and daughter.

Descriptions tell rather than show.

The bits that are suppose to be emotional try to tell the reader what to feel, rather than making the reader feel something.

Elric of Melnipony

Elric of Melnipony #3 · Jan 6th, 2015 · 4 · 1 ·

My name is Tech.

No, it isn't. Nickname, maybe...

I am a human living secretly in the Everfree.

How? Why? Where did you come from, and where are all the other humans?

I am called Tech because I am a master with technology.

What would you call yourself if you were a master of astronomy -- Ass?

I invent or watch ponies to past the time.

You invent ponies?

That until I got an Idea from watching ponies.

This is an incomplete sentence, plus it seems to be missing a word in between "that" and "until", plus there's no reason to capitalize "idea".

Teeemu

Teeemu #4 · Jan 6th, 2015 · · ·

I have to be honest. This story sounds like it has an interesting premise but I felt like the writing style and the general sentence structuring was just too limiting. There was was absolutely NO flow, no background and no explanation to anything. I felt like I was reading a dream sequence.

rikusorasephiroth

rikusorasephiroth #5 · Jan 6th, 2015 · 1 · ·

Interesting concept, well laid, but a bit quick on the story.
Stretch it out a bit. Into two chapters, maybe.
A bit of spying, depression over loneliness and then cliffhanger for the idea for chapter 1, and you could do everything else for chapter 2.
Just stretch it out a bit with things like why a tree, drawing up blueprints a bit more detail on the home, things like that.

thenamless

thenamless #6 · Jan 6th, 2015 · · ·

Thanks to all who found this story enjoyable. As I wrote and publish the story late at night...
I notice a lot of you want more explanation in the story. However parts of the story are meant to be hidden.
I will try to "Just stretch it out" or add a "Flow."

rikusorasephiroth