• Member Since 6th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen March 3rd

spiderkink


T

Follow Jason as he attempts to cope with his immortality, not to mention waking up in a world run by ponies!

(needs cover image)

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 100 )

aaaaaw sheeet :{ :raritywink: good job with the story

I will commence watching, thumbs upping, and favoriting. Nice work

Dang, that was new, with the whole immortal thing. Keep writing! And good on 'ya! :]

I have a track, a like, and a mustache for you good sir! :moustache:

I hope he becomes a minor Eldritch abomination to the ponies.

I enjoy this. I'll be watching you little mortal...

Comment posted by mercenaryx deleted Mar 23rd, 2013

Neat, I suggest slowing down the story a tad, but I like it so far.

I sense potentional nah who am i kidding i like this story and will be eagerly awaiting for more.

ahh i rember this reality i just got back from it a month ago
rather exciting especially when jason fell for... oh good heavens i cant give that away now can i
well rest asured that it will rivet you to your computer chairs
enjoy

also cement has magic draining capabilities thats a good thing to know remember it
next time you go there bring an 80 lb bag of it with you

Hibernation eh? Oh, he is in for a surprise when he wakes up! *Maniacal laughter*

I'm sensing great potential in this story, do not disappoint any of us. I mean If that's okay with you of course.

daymn wish i could sleep for millions or billions of years to :pinkiecrazy:

I like where this is going.
[img]file:///C:/Users/User/Pictures/Personal%20Pics/Reaction%20Shit/dis-gon-b-gud.gif[/img]

Also, fav'd!

Thank you all! this was just some ideas I had while bored in school. I know it's a bit fast in the prologue, but I'm slowing it down for the actual story.

Hmm. Captain Jack Harkness Much? Seems like almost the exact same power, more of a curse than a blessing.
I am quite interested.

nice chapter i cant wait for more :pinkiehappy:

Good story, and I will not take a vacation.

SO MUCH BLUSHING ლ(ಠ益ಠლ):rainbowkiss:

1100021 funny you should mention that. that is what his power can be compared to.

fucking science time :scootangel:

Eh, feels a little choppy. But I can't expect everyone who rights fanfiction to be a modern William Shakespeare.:twilightblush: So you get a like and a favorite... That may be revoked when you least expect it!:trollestia:

I like this. I really do. But there are a few problems.

One, you have terrible grammar. You capitalize words that shouldn't be capitalized, don't capitalize the ones that should, and have no concept of spellcheck. You sometimes forget that dialogue gets it's own paragraph. Tense switches between present and past. You miss the occasional apostrophe and comma, as well.

Two, a lot of the plot doesn't make sense or is too fast paced.

- There's a creature that poses a possible threat to Equestria, is ancient, and encased in three feet of titanium. She proceeds to inform the bearers of the elements of harmony and place the box in a relatively unguarded warehouse. It seems like she could exercise a little more caution. A little meaning a lot.

- Rarity's first words are a complaint about his smell.

- The first thing that happens after a strange creature climbs out of an ancient box is a shouting match.

- Jason and the ponies shouldn't all speak English. That doesn't make sense.

Three, the dialogue seems unnatural at times.

"If that's the case, are you're princesses younger than you too? after all, they seem to be the most beautiful ponies that I've seen!"
Yeah, no one talks like this. And he just assumes that they're ponies? And then calls Celestia and Luna beautiful? That sounds stupid. It sounds really really stupid. And not in a 'this character just said something embarrassing' way. In a 'the writer doesn't know how people talk' way.


Aside from all that, I guess you'll want a rating.

:unsuresweetie::unsuresweetie::unsuresweetie:
3 MILDLY INTERESTED SWEETIE BELLES OUT OF 5

Good story, I can't wait for more!

ONE QUESTION.WHAT IS HE WEARING?!?!Or is he in the nude?!

1102596 I know the mistakes that I made, will maybe fix in the future. And this is my first fic so of course I'm going to make a BUNCH of mistakes and REALLY stupid dialogue. Thanks for your honesty, it's appreciated.

why not next make him meet the mane 6...

1104911...........Who do you think he is infront of?!?!?!?!

no one :D just tom the boulder :pinkiesmile:

yeah this came to mind pretty quickly.

by the ruinous powers/inhale/ this is AWESOME:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

Yeah. Did his clothes disentagrate after all the years and hes jude or is he wearing clothing still? Execellent story btw :moustache::mou:moustache:stache::moustache::moustache:

Sorry, there should be 5 spikes, not 4 and its nude not jude. So many typos

I am currently open for suggestions in the comments. Kind of stuck right now, he isn't nude, I have an idea of his attire already. Will work on story in the next few days, I think I'm getting a cold.

1109095 I imagine a guard stabbing a spear through Jason's heart, that is a way to show he is immortal to the others. And I wonder what might come out of the sky and hit Jason. All mine involve hits and pain.

For the love of celestia please giive me more o_o I'm on my lunch break

MOAR FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MOAR!!!!

Eh, it's pretty good! I'd suggest finding a prereader though, or double checking your quotation marks yourself whenever you make the next chapter. You've been missing quite a few open quotations every now and again.

hey all, I don't think I will continue this story. I am very busy and simply don't have the time(or talent) to do this. sorry for dumping you all like this.

moooooorreeeeee DDDDD::::::::::applecry::applecry::applecry::applecry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

Continue continue co0ntinue the Storry IU love it [:yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:

:( [NOOO I like the story!!!] :applecry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::raritydespair:

First also yay update

Nice. Really hope that the wait ain't going to be this long this time. :pinkiehappy:

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