• Member Since 24th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Jan 21st, 2021

Tue-moi


Oui oui baguette! Honhonhonhon!

T

After sealing himself within the library Atlair is left with only himself, and his thoughts. As his vision fades his mind wanders throughout his memories. Although he has few regrets, and experienced tragedies no man should go though he has strived to live and serve. He is not proud to have ended the lives of his fellow man, but for the sake of the innocent his creed pushed him to serve the innocent and protect The Holy Land from invaders.

Life slowly fleeing from him, warmth long ago abandoned him, weakened and weary his breaths are dwindling. Grasping the Memory Seal he makes his last prayer before his grip on the slate is lost. Blinded by the coming fog he silently awaits the embrace of death, but at his final hour the mystical artefact glows. And from the glow a power of unknown proportion is activated, and released. Unknowingly Altair is transported from his library and awakens in a whole new world.

The power of the artefact has mystically changed the Master from a dying old man to a healthy younger pony. Quickly adapting to his new body he explores, and operates among the people in secret. At first glance it seems that the skills that Altair has obtained throughout his years will not be needed in the peaceful Kingdom, but as he continues his investigation he slowly uncovers that greed, and corruption is within the hearts of a select few Ponies in power. Without anyone else knowing the truth he embarks on a secret crusade against the corrupted branches of Society and The Government.

With little to no allies, and many enemies it all seems impossible, but his will prevails.

------

So, what can a person who's hyped up on coffee and is tired as to all hell can write? Well, quite a lot of words were written so there's quantity... but the quality? No idea, eh.

Oh hey, I has a vunderful editor now, eh. Firestreak2018 is such a beast and is totally better than me when it comes to writing and editing, eh.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 118 )

5278637 I can't wait until people actually rekt my shitty fanfic, eh. :eeyup:

5278644 Several people actually promised to rage review my fanfic for the fun of it, eh. :eeyup:

I like it, Fav and Check. Seem no problem at all.

It gonna be good, Keep writing my friend, and I will Check and result.

5278656 Oh I will, eh.


5278654 No problem is seen? Well, I guess I do have some amount of writing skill, eh. Thanks for the fav, eh. :duck:

Upvoted on premise alone. :pinkiehappy:

5278717 I like this. Fav and upvote.

hmmmmm :applejackunsure: HMMMMMM :derpyderp2: *clicks read later and leaves*

5278873 HMMMMMMMMMM! :pinkiecrazy:


5278858 thanks for the fav, bruh, eh. :eeyup:

I read the title, and I was like: "huh? What a weird title."
Then I saw the cover art and I was like: "Oh! Because Altair ibn-La'Ahad means the bird son of no one."
Very clever good sir :moustache:

5279091 I've gone mad too, eh.


5279058 I like to think I'm clever sometimes, eh. :trollestia:

There's a paragraph that repeats in the second chapter (for me at least).

“Is there something wrong?” I asked as I looked over their weapons, and so far it seems to be nothing special. Just simple broad swords and spears, nothing too fancy or elaborate. Meaning that these men, or Griffins preferred efficiency when it comes to their equipment. Same goes for their armor which mainly contains simple leather armor for the two other Guards, and studded armor for the leader who is addressing me, but they use the same iron helm. Though it is odd that they wouldn’t carry a shield on their person the event they were to get into a clash.

“Is there something wrong?” I asked as I looked over their weapons, and so far it seems to be nothing special. Just simple broad swords and spears, nothing too fancy or elaborate. Meaning that these men, or Griffins preferred efficiency when it comes to their equipment. Same goes for their armor which mainly contains simple leather armor for the two other Guards, and studded armor for the leader who is addressing me, but they use the same iron helms. Though it is odd that they wouldn’t carry a shield on their person in the event they were to get into a clash.

5279200 This here is what I want you to notice before reading, eh.

So, what can a person who's hyped up on coffee and is tired as to all hell can write? Well, quite a lot of words were written so there's quantity... but the quality? No idea, eh.

Still, I enjoy it when scrubs rip shit apart, eh.

Soo many Halo references....

There is a duplicate paragraph when Altiar in conversing with the guards.
Just thought I'd let you know. I do love this story though.

5279205
I usually only mention the obvious stuff like that so... Eh. You either copied the paragraph or you were able to write the same paragraph word for word while nearly brain dead, that's impressive.

Good luck with the story :twilightsmile:.

5279250 I know, eh. I love me some Halo, and decided to throw in some of that shit in there, eh.

Now, come at me bros! Come rip apart my shitty fanfic!

Come rip apart my shitty fanfic!

my shitty fanfic!

31 Likes/ 0 Dislikes

5280759
It reminds me of a discussion I had with a few friends where we came up with the idea that at the end of the last Assassin's Creed game it will be revealed that the entire series was actually the Chief in the Animus.

They made a mistake taking him in. Even if he isn't used to his body yet, fighting an assassin when they are unarmed is a challenge. Fighting them when they have both of their hidden blades, and you just have a sword, you are outmatched.

Alright, I've now read both chapters so far.

Coffee + sleep deprivation have really put you in a spot where you should try to look for an editor... :twilightoops:

But I just can't bring myself to downvote this. It's Altaïr! :yay:

Congrats on making it to the "Popular Stories" list. :twilightsmile:

5282032 Shit, really? Wow, so the Assassin tweens finally made me popular for five minutes? :duck:

5281042 I FINALLY HAS 2 DOWNVOTES! I CAN FEEL THEIR OPPRESSING GAZE ON ME FOR WRITING SUCH A SHIT STORY! :pinkiecrazy:


5281417 For some reason I don't have the will to write if I'm wide awake, and not hyped up on coffee, eh. Sooooo, I guess I'll be needing to get an editor to fix my bullshit, eh. Plus, my preferred writing is with storyboards and comics, uh, well, it is to be expected to be somewhat shit...

fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2014/181/a/5/crazy_celestia_by_magister39-d7okwrj.png

many problems. you constantly oscillate between 1st and third person, and you have a duplicate paragraph. There are a few capitalization errors too.

such error, many like, very amateur, wow

5283490

So, what can a person who's hyped up on coffee and is tired as to all hell can write? Well, quite a lot of words were written so there's quantity... but the quality? No idea, eh.

~I think I did pretty good, although I am aware that I need to fix some shit, eh. But I'm a terrible editor, so, I may need to find myself an editor~

Also the way I would normally write is with story boards and comics, and this is my first attempt after many years to venture in the traditional form of writing, eh.

You should know what you were getting before and after reading, eh.
fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2014/185/7/1/i_m_crazy__crazy__by_magister39-d7p69mx.png

They were so real, and one time I tried to reach out to her. I called out her name, but she did not responded.

He has killed more people than he can count, and in some instances accidently caused the deaths of fellow his fellow men and my wife.

ooWell, ya got my attention... now can you keep it?:trixieshiftright:
Anyways, heres what I found:
• you cant seem to decide between first-person or third-person, plz fix.
and...
• past or present: pick a tence, stay with it! I mean, if thats ok with you...:fluttershyouch:

Other than that, keep it up!

5294736 STICK BY ME! I HAS AN EDITOR NOW! :raritydespair:

I shall continue the story once both current chapters are edited, eh. :eeyup:

Oh my gawd, even if you really wanted to get it out of the way, i feel as though you hardly even tried!:twilightangry2:

*phew*

Sorry, kinda lost it there... :twilightsheepish:
Next time please,please dont half-ass it next time, this story is way to good and has so much potential for you to only go half way. :fluttercry:

5295030 IT'S LIKE NO ONE READS THE AUTHOR NOTES OR THE SHIT BELOW THE STORY DESCRIPTION! :raritydespair:

So, what can a person who's hyped up on coffee and is tired as to all hell can write? Well, quite a lot of words were written so there's quantity... but the quality? No idea, eh.

1.bp.blogspot.com/-hAR0XO2w8K4/UXAR8AsZ0KI/AAAAAAAAANg/RM0UA9o0daQ/s1600/Celestia+troll+face.jpg

I'm juz sayin', if you fix it it would make it less of a shit-fic and more of a fic-fic. damn dude... :unsuresweetie:

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