In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Pony discuss life, truth, and ear scratches.
[Comedy] [Slice of Apple]
11th place finish in the Writeoff.me short story competition “Forbidden Knowledge”
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 14th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen 11 minutes ago
Georg
Nothing special here, move along, nothing to see, just ignore the lump under the sheet and the red stuff...
Georg
Joined 14th Jul, 2012 ·
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Hey, eleventh place in the Writeoff.me site is not that bad. And it’s the second time I’ve placed there too.
Yes, this is my story. When the prompt ‘Forbidden Knowledge’ was announced, there was only one possible direction to travel. Admittedly, the plot was somewhat straightforward and the end results foreordained, but the Tree of Knowledge was the original Forbidden Knowledge, and I had to cover it.
Pony is of course Applejack, or Orangefruit as Morning Sun put it so well, and Rarity channels her very ancient Unicorn ancestors here. There are unicorns mentioned in the Bible, but generally they are considered to be rhinos of some sort by modern scholars. Pegasi, no. Sorry Rainbow Dash fans.
I cut down to the bone here, since this is a Morality Play, or possibly a Parable, and descriptions in that format are almost skeletal. Example: A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering his seed, some fell along the path and the birds came and ate it up…
Note the farmer, the seeds and the birds are all unadorned. We never know what kind of birds they are, or if the farmer is married, or even what is being planted. Just farmer, seeds, birds.
I went back and forth on the dialogue a few times before bringing in Rarity Unicorn in order to balance things out. One of the prime rules of storytelling in this way is to minimize the number of characters, but I needed the differing POV to show the animals all were united in their trust of God (except for Serpent, that snake in the grass) and to provide a sounding board for Pony. Eve intentionally did not have any lines because she would only be duplicating Adam’s dialogue, and I wanted to show him arguing his point on his own.
His point being “What if…” and in particular “What if God was wrong?” Adam as shown here is very much Mankind, constantly striving for more, from getting a helpmate to contemplating alternate explanations of events that Serpent told him. In a way, he’s right. Mankind yearns for explanations they want to discover themselves, they want to struggle against adversity and imagine things the way they could be instead of the way they are. We are Rikki-tikki-tavi and our motto is “Run and find out.”
Even if we wind up eating from the pear tree and getting kicked out of the garden.
In a deeper sense, Ponies are unlike Mankind because they are not marked by Original Sin. They have followed God’s command, so they do not need a savior, they do not need redemption, and they most certainly go straight to the Heavenly Pastures when they pass away. This is something almost untouched by ponyfic in the EiH stories, and probably for good reason, because there are quite a few young people who react to Christian religion much like Dracula regards the cross. Instant downvotes there. Still, it would be a *major* point of discussion among the churches. Imagine if aliens land at the UN building, greet the assorted diplomats, and their first words are “Have you heard the word of Jesus Christ?”
I have this mental image of a Catholic family at home when there is a knock at the door and two ponies in starched ties outside.
“My name is Bright Starshine and we are in your neighborhood discussing the Word of Luna with you and your neighbors…”
Brings a whole new meaning to Moonies.
7190916 Really? What was the previous story?
That's why ponies don't have to wear clothes, too.
And I prefer the "Summer Lands," rather than the Heavenly Pastures.
I was smiling throughout this fic. Then...
And that's when I woke my napping roomies! Never did like pears myself... Despite my various grade-school teachers' attempts to sway me otherwise.
Definitely a worthy Writeoff finalist, and good seeing it here.
Was in the middle of reading one of Adam's dialogue segments and a stray thought popped up: "So that's why Twilight is so afraid of Snakes"
.
One thing to note. The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil was not an apple tree, nor was it a tree we would recognize, and it does not exist outside of the Garden of Eden (the same holds true for The Tree of Life). The only reason for the association with apples is that there was a time where the word for apple was used to describe any generic fruit. Lazy linguistics... *grumble grumble*
7190939 All of my... well, most of my writeoff stories which did not get standalone treatment can be found in the compilation, Written Off. Which reminds me, I need to get my Heralds of Valdemar short in there. Magical talking horsies count, right?
I'll just leave this here as a counter to this slander.
d3cizcpymoenau.cloudfront.net/images/27058/SFS_pear_walnut_upside_down_cake-14.jpg
I am amused.
Nice! Have a like and a fav!
Tho I admit I was expecting the serpent to make a direct appearance in the form of Discord.
I agree it's something untouched by most stories of this sort, I can't help but notice that Equestria, on some level, kinda _is_ heaven in many ways.
Between unicorns, with their magic, and Pegasi with their manipulation of the weather and earth ponies with their ability to make things grow, they're not unlike gods like Zeus or whatever.
Related: I can't remember the fic but I remember the human having an averse reaction to Celestia's divinity, and it made me wonder if the author wasn't trying to imply that ponies were 'more divine' than humans could ever be, having never fallen.
7191114 I have finally found a god worth worshiping.
Good stuff.
One thing, though; most stories that treat the Judeo-Christian God seriously usually capitalize 'his', 'him', 'he' and whatever others like that. Very optional, of course.
I just shake my head and how silly the humans where in this story. Have an upvote.
And this is why ponies don't wear clothes. It is all clear to me now.
Ah, humans. Even if we don't have knowledge of good and evil, that doesn't mean we can't speculate about it. And I can't help but imagine Serpent with red-on-yellow eyes, one fang, and the voice of John de Lancie.
A very enjoyable read. A shame I wasn't able to join in the Writeoff this month if something this good only got eleventh.
7191321
I think this is the one you mean.
The Memoirs Of A Reality Jumper
by Techogre
Chapter "To Meet a Goddess"
Golden
Have a like!
I accidentally inhaled my chili when you said pears...
And then about died as I tried to cough, but couldn't stop laughing!
Also...
The metric displacement of the 318c.i. and 360c.i. Chrysler V-8 engines.
I found this story very entertaining. When I clicked, I was afraid it would be a story that pokes fun at my faith. I am pleased it didn't. I am also pleased I decided to click.
Yep. This was one of my favorites/
Lo, I beheld the ear scratches and saw that they were good.
Ah, NOW that makes whole sense.
7191038 "Malum" if I remember right.
And I'm an atheist, and I like stories (or I wouldn't be here), and I don't mind pony-fics that do lore-building with biblical lore.
I just downvote when it's like this one fic that got featured on EQD, where the plot was that a christian pony theocracy self-developed on Equestria because of course they have the Bible, so they send their ambassadors to Canterlot in a fucking UFO because of course a theocracy is going to have vastly advanced tehcnology (coughiraniraqnorthkoreaafphganistan), and these 'ambassadors' start calling Celestia a puppet of Satan the moment they got off their spaceship, and Celestia rapes Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy converts just after hearing about Jesus like it's a goddamned Chic Tract.
I didn't follow EDQ recommendations as much anymore after that.
Or it's the ironically named 'Reality Check' latest Reganite/Ayn Randian absolutist post. Meanwhile, that self-proclaimed master of economics and Knower of How Money Should Be Spent e-begged for a handout to cover his $1.7K electricity bill...
Sign me up.
Also, did I read Adam being likened to a dog, what with being taken on walks? If so, is there a pun/play on words lurking in there somewhere?
7199021 Ah, The Prayer Ponies. Its a spinoff of a series called the Prayer Warriors, like where they go to the Percy Jackson Universe, where Percy, his evil "whore" Annabeth, and the evil gods are joining up with Satan to ensare all humanity in evil. As a Christian, I am offended at the stupid assholes in my faith
7201872 You know, there are stories which I find out about in these little comments that make me run right to Google and search them down, or if they are commercial works, to hit the library website and ensure a copy is available to be checked out.
This is not one of them. Not even close.
7201891 I laugh at how unbelievably bad these stories are. They are actually serious in the stories. Because they murder or maim their own members in the fics for going against them.
Our heroes, fillies and gentlecolts
I have mixed feelings about this for I study under Jehovah's Witnesses...
A smart attempt to involve ponies (somehow) into everything that was written in history.
But I do not buy this.
AJ was funny with her accent, that's about it.
Apples are better than pears.
7202453 "...A smart attempt to involve ponies (somehow) into everything that was written in history...."
Hm, Ponies Through History. It has potential.
Applejack looked out into the building storm and the overweight politician who was standing in the drizzle while holding a kite string. The other end of the string extended up into the clouds and tugged back and forth as the wind blew, with Benjamin Franklin being tugged along with it.
"Ben!" she bellowed. "You untie Rainbow Dash from that string and come inside afore lightning strikes both of you durned fools stone dead!"
7202490 Aw man, I thought Adam's sins were contagious.
7201872 "Lord: I pray in desperation! Turn the water of my body into wine, for verily: my BAC ain't high enough for this shit!"
7202639 Trust me, ya'll need it. I barely got two pages in, before mentally flipping the story the bird, and praying to God to forgive my sins for the day
"He said I could trusssst in him..."
toonswallpapers.com/user-content/uploads/wall/o/76/Kaa-1440x900-Wallpaper-ToonsWallpapers.com-.jpg
Pony
"God-dammit, Disney. Here too?"
God: THOU HAST USED MY NAME IN VAIN, PONY!! HENCEFORTH THOU SHALT BE NAUGHT BUT IN THE BACKGROUND!!!
Pony: Well dang...
Pony sighs, "Sugarcube, by that line o' reasonin', if God dun told ya'll not ta take a Glock and blow yer brains out, that's mean he'd want ya'll ter do it. Though, considerin' what that weird guy Alondro jess told me about the future... maybe ya'll should try that. Like, right now."
Women are always easily tempted by large snakes...
Hey! I happen to have always loved pears! (Case in point...)
7202490 It is a part of secret history that Ben Franklin was the first Electro.
7201872 That... that actually manages to sound worse than "50 Shades of Grey"...
Clearly, the Apocalypse is upon us.
media.comicbook.com/2016/04/x-men-apocalypse-177621.jpg
Eh... oh... well shit.
7199021 I am the actual super-Reaganite and master of economics and Xanatos Speed Chess conspiracies!
No matter what happens... I win.
7191968 Satan = Discord!
If you take out the D, I, C, O, R, and the other D... then put the S in front and add A, T, A, and N... it spells SATAN!!
And if that's not enough proof for you, just look at how you can rearrange Discord into Mephistopheles!
7191908 The ponies who wear clothes clearly have sinned.
Rarity must be a mass murdering despot!
7190916
More likely, aurochs, a type of wild cattle which, on some old seals, where seen in side-profile which had them appear to possess only one horn. They divide the hoof and have a tufted tail, and were notably fierce and untamable, thus they fit the oldest versions.
It is also possible the verses referenced both rhinos and aurochs alternatively.
The familiar unicorn of Western myth is a Medieval development.
Closer to a truly ancient mythical 'unicorn' are several single-horned versions of the 'quillin' in China and Korea, which was modified after Zheng He brought a pair of giraffes to the Ming Emperor of China who believed it was indeed the mythical beast. They were most often very peaceful and magical or divine creatures who were herbivores and protected the righteous from evil.
I always figured that in a biblical sense it would have been an Apple Earth Pony who had eaten the fruit of knowledge of good and evil (usually seen as an apple) and that it accounted for their stubborn moral nature as a family -- a compulsive sense of right and wrong.
7202490
I know I'd read it.
Ain't that the truth.
Awesome!
I never thought that the Adam and Eve story could fit so well with ponies, yet somehow you made it work. Very well written. The characterization of the 2 ponies was well selected, and overall it was adorable. Though, the absence of a pegasus character irks me slightly.
7870807 Pegasus has his own story with divine beings in There Goes The Neighborhood (plug, plug)
I like it.
7191968 Watch for Serpent in the story, Equestria : 1940. It's a bit part, but it pays union scale so she took it.
Very fun. This has rather remarkable theological implications actually. And if ponies were never kicked out, did they ever leave anyway? Maybe to befriend those idiot humans even if they should have known better?