Discord's last significant attempt at a relationship ended with him being petrified for 1000 years. He's understandably hesitant about trying again.
Having an unknown source of love-magic start drawing every female in Equestria toward him is pretty much the last thing he wanted...
Pre-read by many members of the Fluttercord group (a major spoiler in itself), with awesome input from: MrsHolmes, Woolly, Lemonade Shimmer 1127, OneFluzzyPuppy, MissyAngel, GarfieldThePony
Featured on FimFiction 21Nov.2015-25Nov.2015 
Featured on Equestria Daily 20Dec.2015 
Also featured in a Royal Guard spotlight 
Now with a full-cast dramatic reading by Ribon Chan! 
Chapters (1)
New story hype!
Reading this hilarious story was a pleasure. I'm glad it's finally up!
Like I said, the closing scene with them on the couch is adorable, with Fluttershy's insecurity and Discord reassuring her that he just wants to do things "properly" with her.
Yay, it's up!!! Thanks for letting me read this awesome story!! Now there's only one thing left for this story to do!!
Hit the feature box!!!
Aw yeah! Fluttercord HYPE! Believe it or not, I got to read this story too. My sis, OneFluzzyPuppy, let me. Also, congrats on feature box hype!
It was pretty good
So I had seen your blog post about asking people to read it before you posted it, but I held back. I had a feeling this would be a good fic, and since a lot of the good writers who usually leave reviews volunteered, I wanted to be able to read it fresh and leave a review. So I will!
So this was fantastic and let me tell you why.
Discord was mild, funny, and totally in character. And please know that I mean 'mild' in the best of ways. There are a lot of ways to mess up Discord, and two of them go hand-in-hand. Some make him so normal it's almost painful, where he sounds like he's as generic as people say Flash Sentry is (though I have nothing against Flash, I'm not even into Equestria Girls that much). Others, however, OVERdo it as well. They make him violent and nonsensical in a way where he really DOESN'T make any sense at all whatsoever, like he's just speaking gibberish. And make his goals things like "I WANNA KILL CELESTIA, YESSSSHH. CHOCO MILKY FOR MEEEEEEE~"
You balanced his personality and humor really well without doing either of those things. I could hear his voice in the story, which is pretty much the best sign that you're doing well. And in your case, you did very, VERY well.
And all the interactions were just hilarious and made me laugh, and the ending made me so, soooo happy. I gotta admit, I LOVE it when Fluttershy is the first one to develop feelings or admit to having them for Discord, instead of the other way around. Because that's an entirely possible scenario, but a lot of the time, it's Discord. And I agree with Woolly on the ending. Not only do you have Discord emphasize the importance of friendship in the midst of all the sparks flyin' around (though he does it subtly, of course), but he's definitely not turning her down either. I feel like it could be interpreted in different ways, and the way I see it, he's interested, but scared, so he'll take it slow. Love that.
And I'm really glad Fluttershy was back in-character in that scene too. I was honestly a bit nervous about that, when she called her dog a bitch. But that was from mere shock, which can be a good thing for a writer, because I suspected she would never say that about her beloved dog, unless magic was making her language a bit looser from all the sexual tension. But there's also the fact that if you take the word 'bitch' literally, then Patches really IS one. She is a female dog, and that is one of the word's two definitions. But Fluttershy was awkward and sweet again at the end, so now I know for sure that you know how to write Fluttershy. Forgive me for that. I knew what you were doing, but I got nervous anyway. You did great.
I also loved your demonstration of Discord knowing languages such as Prench/French. That's something I do myself a lot. And you did it a lot for humor too, which is always one of the best ways to do it. For instance, you wrote this...
Oooh, one more thing. I love it when people kind of make up their own magic things. Such as making Cadance feel so, ahem, needy for Shining Armor's, erm, uh, touch that she has to think of the most unappealing creature she knows to turn off that 'need', because her mother says that fulfilling such a need could harm the baby. Which is a concern that some women have in the real world, so it was a legitimate cause to Discord's dilemma. And in this struggle, Discord's the one that has to pay the price. XD
But he fixed it! He fixed it!!!! :D That whole scene was just GOLD, and I imagined both of them perfectly, going crazy as they try to hold back in fear for the baby, but ooooh, there he/she is right there, oooooh, so hot...
So I think I ranted enough. This was a hilarious and believable fic that ended in a nice warm moment to help meet my daily requirement of fluttercord. I already upvoted and favorited it.
Now STOP....Sequel time!
6655427
I think that was actually the point to it -- that Fluttershy was joking, because Patches really is a bitch, in the literal sense of the word. (Every so often I say to my housemate's dog, "You're such a needy bitch," because she totally is. Calling female dogs bitches and taking advantage of the double meaning of the word is funny.) I don't think she would have said the same thing of a cat or a hamster; she's joking. The joke is ruder and darker than Fluttershy usually is because she's under the influence, but she's not actually insulting Patches by calling her a bitch; she's being funny, because Patches is a bitch. And Fluttershy is the kind of person who might very well use the correct terminology for a female dog when she's talking about breeding and suchlike because she's much more focused on animals than on what ponies think of her, at least when the subject matter is animals (which is about the only time she can escape thinking about what ponies think of her.)
6655476
I agree, which is also why I apologized to CoffeeMinion for talking about it in the first place (well, asked for forgiveness) because I thought about that too. It's also why I continued on with the story. And I actually call my dog that sometimes too, because she's literally one of them. I really loved the story and will probably read it again. But yes, you're right. I think I knew that too, I was just shocked and didn't expect it. I didn't mean it as a criticism. I don't think it needs to be changed. ^_^ I probably shouldn't have mentioned it, really.
Oh you can't begin to comprehend how much I enjoyed this story.
I give you an A+
No.
Screw that.
The school grading system isn't good enough to grade this story. I can't give you a high enough grade that way!
So instead of that I will be using the mustache scale! Which is way more strict that the school grading system!
Oddly enough, even then I have to give you a perfect score of five out of five mustaches.
/
Which is kinda like an A+++++++
As far as I'm concerned this story is perfect in my eyes and I wouldn't change a single thing from it.
Every story can't be improved and this is sure not to be a exception so it's really more of a failure on my part for not being able to see how that could happen.
For all it's worth I award you 10,000 points and a donut.
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Congratulations.
~Leonzilla
PS: This just hit the feature box with 47 upvotes and 4 downvotes.
I confess. I came into this story expecting... something else. *blushes and coughs* Instead, to my delight, I found a funny, hilarious story that had a touch of feels at the end, with some Fluttercord cuteness. Well done! Fav'd and save'd.
You know, the absurdity of this fic's premise does call for a new word to accurately express one's shock and interest for it.
......
Alternative Story: Discord has to hide for five months until Cadance pops the bun out of the oven.
Run run run as fast as you can...
...I want a sequel to this.
Really fun. Surprisingly adorable at the end. And interesting to see Discord being one to hold back for reasonable reasons.
wlam thought process:
'haha oh wow that sounds interesting'
'oh god no please not a Sex tag'
'*phew* it has a teen rating'
'now to enjoy the story'
Getting back to you about the rest of that.
That was a great fic, was afraid it would be more generic "main character confused by all females chasing him", but the best thing about this is that Discord is powerful enough to handle almost anyone, so its more funny than ever dangerous. Aw, and really sweet Discord and Fluttershy scene, glad it cleared up that she was feeling like this before it all started. And the image of a crazy Shining Armor is hilarious, it would probably run in that family. You wrote Discord's random personality pretty well, though the show usually has him as more of a jerk. The comics usually have him lean more towards the nicer side, and glad this fic is similar to that.
Definitely and totally honestly not fibbing at all truly.
Fun fact: There is actually reasonable evidence that it is good for the child. Rhythmic exercise and such, you know. It's not like anything can get in there during that period, anyway.
The ending really was very sweet, though. Personally, I think anythingcord is dumb. I mean, even more than most pairings are. The guy really does not have chemistry with anyone. You gave it a fair (and really funny) shake, though.
Also, poor Spike. There are things you just don't do to a book.
Sorry, but this is just too way out of character for me.
6656447 ignore all the alarms telling you they are acting out of character and just pretend that for a moment that's how they would act in a what if scenario.
That's what I did and let me tell you it worked wonders.
Every character quirk you see in the story is appealing in some fashion so it's just a matter of being able to see the characters differently, as in more than unidimensional characters to be able to fully appreciate what the writer puts on the table.
~Leonzilla
You and alararogers are now on my list for authors who write discord really well.
I always enjoy seeing Discord off balance, in canon and fan work.
And while a human fetus is clearly separate from the, er, action zone. I seem to recall that that is not the case with some quadrupeds, that one can reach in to manually check on the late term fetus. So Cadence's mother could technically be right. However, I really don't feel like looking into the matter.
Daaaaw at the ending. I loved it, please write a sequel to this.
6656775 If my experience tells me anything, it will probably be clop.
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6654853
You guys are the best.
6655427 Thank you for your awesome review.
I don't know why the French kept popping up in my head, but I decided to roll with it. As for the "female dog word" thing, 6655476 is right about the double meaning that prompted me to keep it in. But I actually owe MissyAngel HUGE credit for calling me out on an overuse of it in the first draft. I don't usually swear in my stories, and I have a poor gauge of when it works and when it doesnt... and it wasn't working. But that instance of it worked.
6654959 Your words were prophetic, it turns out.
Thank you (and 6655277) again for pre-reading what turned out to be my first featured story!
6655916 It's really a word, I swear!
6656753
So her mom was right after all?! Curse my ignorance of equine reproductive anatomy!!! 
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I'm glad you enjoyed it!
6656775
I have a possible partial idea, but IMO an integral part of this story (albeit one that no one has commented about yet) was its structure... the Fluttershy -> Twilight -> Celestia progression, followed by working back outward from Celestia to Twilight to Fluttershy, was really all a means to (1) entertaining people and getting featured 
, and (2) establishing the parameters of why it's difficult for Fluttershy and Discord to fumble their ways toward each other. I don't know if I could replicate that, much as I might like to try!
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6655427
I'll be honest... I don't know if I could write a direct sequel.
6656494 It's not that I hate this story with a deep hatred (there are few stories to garner such from me). I do appreciate and encourage new material and concepts author's can cook up. And yes I acknowledge that the story is indeed funny and full of laughs and that you have a valid point I was just saying that I thought that even though he most certainly have a tough/hilarious time dealing with the situation Discord would be acting like a entirely different character when going full egg-head. So no I wasn't attacking this fic. Instead I was trying to give constructive criticism, sorry I didn't convey that across in my previous comment. And adventuresofthemeems.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/i-feel-sheepish.jpg?w=584
6657070
Counterpoint: What are you even doing expecting the Lord of Chaos to consistently stay in character?
that was both hilarious and incredibly D'AWWWW there at the end. have an upvote
6657070
Technically Discord is an egghead, just the mad scientist version of one.
Magic is obviously a sign of high intelligence in Equestria, which is why Twilight Sparkle is a prodigy and studies so hard. Discord is obviously a highly powerful wielder of magic, and was probably self-taught. Twilight Sparkle seems to often conduct science experiments in the name of magic (or vice versa) and Discord seems amused by the prospect.
When I write Discord, he's totally an egghead scientist type, he's just SILLY about it as well. So I don't actually see this being that out of character. He knows a lot, he's just not very SENSIBLE with his knowledge.
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I love this story, it was adventure from start to end. I epically like that cheeky little bit at the very end 'I can feel your undies' I just gasped and flapped my hand *oh discord* :)
haha, Pleasantly surprised by this fic. Nicely done!
that was some truly adorable shipping. there's one thing i think you could change to make this better, though. when discord leaves twilights castle he said he was going to bring in the big guns. but in canterlot's throne room he puts on those clothes... and no big guns. give him some big guns there, and have him shoot bubblegum bullets at the guards' hooves instead of just telekineticly pushing them back. after all, we know discord doesnt like using brute force if he can help it
This was awesomely hilarious, great job! I love how you wrote Discord. So many writers tweak his personality and quirks even if it's not an alternate universe story, but in my humble opinion, you were spot on. Looking forward to more stories from you. :)
Great story, i hoped it would had the rest of the mane6 feature in there because i was curious how Rainbow Dash would react :D
6657070 I hardly thought you were attacking the story, don't be so harsh on yourself.
The way I see it you were simply expressing a reason you were having a hard time enjoying the story and that is valid criticism, that counts as feedback for there is no argument that was your perspective and opinion.
All I did in response was suggest a different way to look at it that might help you and others who also find the characterisation of the characters to be too unusual to be able to enjoy the story to the fullest regardless.
Hope this makes sense.
Oh and one more thing,
Ignore that silly downvote in your comment, some people like to use downvotes casually to express that they disagree with the opinion of a certain comments without going through the trouble of actually expressing why that's the case, and often enough is easy to see that red mark as a sign that you upset somebody when infact the person casting it might just have being too lazy to reply or some other silly reason like that.
Of course downvoting comments it's also a way of feedback, but unless somebody replies to address the reason behind the downvote at most it is left to interpretation and as a result it's not likely to be very useful feedback.
~Leonzilla
6658409 Yes thank you for the advice, but I've had my fair share of experience on this site.
Sacre blu! How dare you make such a mistake! Ce, "Je be said pas que"!
At least, I think that's what it is.
Anyway, great story!
6657469
I have a line in a story I'm writing where Discord claims to have conducted an experiment, Twilight points out that that seems overly science-y for the Lord of Chaos, and Discord replies with something like, "Twilight, if you had any idea how weird the universe really is, you'd never ask that question." :-)
My word, you managed to straddle the line between Mature and SFW while keeping the characters fairly in tone and even managed to SURPRISE me! As a teacher that surprise alone is worth a like and a follow. It's a fairly straightforward story, but you didn't take it down the well-rutted jokes (forgive the pun) that so many others would while still managing mirth and, dare I say it, a slight touch of class. I look forward to writing up a formal review of this. Thank you for brightening my day. I look forward to seeing your further works as well.
6659502 A fellow student of French?
It's probably true that I could have been more accurate, but I decided to sacrifice accuracy for the sake of keeping the focus on humor. Google Translate helps keep me honest that "I don't want to say" should be "Je ne veux pas dire", but not very many people are going to know that. "Je ne sais quoi" literally means "I don't know", and while Discord certainly knows, most people aren't going to dig that deep; they'll vaguely recognize that they might've heard that phrase before, and laugh, and move on.
6658367 Oh, there's reams of fanfiction about how Dashie would react...
6658077 Lol, thank you.
That was actually a last-minute change I made right before submitting it. The first joke I'd come up with was laaaaaame...
6658221 Very glad you enjoyed it; this was my second time writing Discord, and I feel like he came across better this time. Please consider yourself invited to follow along for whatever comes next! If you do, I can promise you two things... (skip to the 12 second mark)
Cute.
This was not what I expected. It was better. Very cute.
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I'm glad I could inject a small amount of happy surprise into your day.
6660022 Thank you, and this is high praise indeed!
6657668 I just tried to think of the most "guy" thing he could possibly say at such a moment.
Haha, love this story!
I see your game.
Hit me over the head with a delightful combination of humor and well portrayed characters to distract me, and then when my guard is down, blindside me with a cute and touching shipping moment that was more convincing than many other attempts I could list...
Bravo!
A short-ish, fun story filled with a few scenes, but all were exactly to the point.
Great read, thanks for that!
6660107
YOU DARE GIVE EXCUSES?
EXCUSES ACCEPTED!
On a separate note, when I typed that comment on my phone I forgot to correct the autocorrect.
Stupid auto correct. Il ne comprende pas francais!
6661327 Mais oui! L'auto-correct, c'est la merde!
6661327
FTFY