• Member Since 22nd Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Protopony350


T

Twilight has been alone for a long time. She's not sure how long anymore, but the color of the sun is giving her some ideas.

Twilight stopped dreaming a long time ago, but she is now plagued by visions. Visions of the past. Visions of the worst moments of her life.


Twilight is feeling really annoyed right now.


Edited by the amazing NameGoesHere.

Reading by S Ninja

Partially inspired by It's Such a Beautiful Day by Don Hertzfeldt, if only because it put me in the mental state to write this.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 44 )

Holy crap... this was awesome! Seriously. I was drawn into Twilight's head and scattered thoughts, and it really makes me question her sanity. It really does seem like what she would think after causing the end of the world. Or at least, that's how I see these events, and it definitely left me shaking with excitement. Bravo!

6412751

Lol it's not going to be much. Only 2 more chapters.

6412849
Still! I thought that was it. XD And I would have been very happy with that as it told a contained story. But to know that there's more... YEEEEEEE!!!

6412868

And i suddenly can't stop writing. I hope everything looks alright. For most of my serious stories I have someone look over them, but this is one I've been wanting to write, so it's kind of a passion project, so I decided to just keep it to myself until publishing.

6412950
Totally fair. =3 I can understand wanting to do that.

This is the EPITOME of a minimalist story done well. My heart is aching from reading this. Well done, my friend. Well done.

6435845

Oh my. Thank you sooooo much. I was afraid the last chapter would have turned every one off of the story.

6436035
Not at all! It had a ton of emotional impact, and it made me love the story even more.

BOOOM

well there goes my brain

That was awesome and sad and awesomely sad

I like it!

It puts a nice spin on the "alicorn is the only one left alive however billions of years in the future" subgenre- one I, at least, haven't seen before. Unfortunately, there were a few too many mechanical mistakes, mostly relating to tense inconsistencies, which hurt the experience for me a little. But aside from that, it was good.

One thing confuses me, though. So, assuming I understood everything correctly, at some point in the past Equestria was attacked by another great evil monster, and Twilight had to once again take on the other Princesses' power to face him. But she lost control of it, and ended up destroying the entire planet. Alright, but why didn't that happen already when Twilight did the same to fight Tirek? Is there a detail I'm missing, or am I just totally misinterpreting the situation?

6536336

I intentionally meant to leave the details vague, but pretty much how I envisioned it was Twilight just being cocky. She approached the princesses for the power, and used it without hesitation, without holding back, assuming it would "just work" like last time. She didn't take help from her friends, even though this time she didn't have any reason not to. She cut the power loose, and it defeated the villain, but never stopped. I imagined every normal pony dropping dead as the shock wave slowly spread across the planet, and ponies having enough time to attempt to escape, but being overtaken.

But I didn't want to go into a lot of detail in the actual story.

And I'll give the story another revision and try to clean up any inconsistencies. My specialty has always been trollfics, and I've always had trouble with serious writing. I've struggled with writing, spelling, and grammar my entire life, so I'm grateful when people are willing to point out the flaws in my writing so I can improve.

6536447

Ah, I see. Thank you. Leaving it vague in the story itself was smart, I think. These sorts of stories tend to work better like that. I was just curious for the broader context. So, again, thanks for clarifying.

And I'll give the story another revision and try to clean up any inconsistencies. My specialty has always been trollfics, and I've always had trouble with serious writing. I've struggled with writing, spelling, and grammar my entire life, so I'm grateful when people are willing to point out the flaws in my writing so I can improve.

You know, if you're interested, I could give the story another look and try to do some impromptu editing, pointing out the specific mistakes I notice and whatnot. I can't claim to be an expert, but I like to think I'm fairly good with that sort of thing.

6543003
Cool, I'll PM you the stuff so as not to clutter up the comments section here.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Damn, son, you stepped way outside your comfort zone and it paid the fuck off. :D

Present Perfect sent me here.

Good stuff. The voice in this is just spot on.

7314285

I'm going to pretend that ponies use actual flowers in place of flowers and that it wasn't a stupidly basic error that should have never happened!


7314293

And thank you!

7314285

And in responding I misspelled it agian but this time I'm on POWERFUL piankillers so I blame them. Last time was totally on me. I also managed to misspell "sugar" when I first released the story.

I guess I have a problem with all cake ingredients.

Well, that was disturbing.

It's such a beautiful day was an excellent film

And this is an excellent fanfiction.

Well...

That was depressing, but well written. Also, a good endorsement for why you should never consume any energy field larger than your own head.

This reminds me of 'The Problem with the Princess of Magic' by Feedbacker...

~Crystalline Electrostatic~
15:26_22/7/2016

A wonderfully written story, expressing itself well in a small number of words. You have a knack for insanity, which is a good thing, hopefully. :twilightblush:

Glad to have found this little gem.

Aside from some mistakes here and there
This was awesome.

Loved it. Short and sweet fascinating. I know it's tragedy, but finally allowing her to achieve death makes it a happy ending in my book given the circumstances.

Love the opening and referring to the color of the sun.

ran out of flower a long time ago.

if not a "ponies eat flowers" reference, then it should be flour. But I see our rightful king has mentioned it already.

millenia

millennia

Corrections offered without malice.

Clelestia's

Celestia's

6436035
6435845
This. And no. It is a fitting end.

6543003
And it was, only two left I could find besides the flower.

7419855

Fixed and Fixed! Thank you.

And yeah, at this point I've decided to leave "flower" in as a joke.

Nice. I liked what was done with it and glad that things came together to provide an ending. Well done overall.

7722260

She Twilighted tooooooo hard.

Twilight tried to bake some cookies, but remembered that she ran out of flower a long time ago.

F L O U R

The scuff mark really tied everything together.

I don't know why but I found this story terrifying

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