Sins –commonly known as violations of divine law, transgressions of great moral and sometimes even legal consequence, leading the individual committing them to eternal damnation. Rarely do they have any significance in the mortal life.
Twilight Sparkle –Princess Celestia’s protégé, considered the most powerful unicorn mare in the known world, second only to the famed Starswirl the Bearded. Wielder of the Element of Magic, she triumphed over beings both evil and chaotic, a feat that no lesser pony could ever hope to achieve. By many viewed as the pinnacle of virtue.
But what if that wasn’t the whole truth?
They say sins do not have any repercussions in mortal life. But what if they are wrong?
Author’s Note:
My debut, both on this site and in the genre. May or may not remain a oneshot, depends on the response I receive. Despite referencing “sins” story does not contain anything remotely considered religious. Also please keep in mind, that English is not my native language, so there might be some grammar errors. Constructive criticism welcome.
Oooh, scary ending, possible cliffhangar for sequel... who wouldn't like seeing Twilight's dark side manifested in a living form.
Would like to have Spike's books as a prequel, could be a good read into Spike's and Twilight's pasts...
For being an overall good read (with possibilities in the near future) , I rate this fic, a Trixie (may she return, and with a vengence...).
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But in all honesty, I’m not sure what to do with the story. As I said, I can try and write a sequel, but it will take some time to figure out every little aspect of the possible plot.
Thanks m8, I really appreciate the good word and I’m happy to hear that I managed to please You. As for the possibility of writing a sequel –maybe. I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t plan this story to take this route. Initially it was meant to be a prolog for the “book/diary” that Spike was to write, and there wasn’t anything remotely dark in it. I personally blame the evil influence Sombra had on me.
As for a prequel… well that also depends. If I write it, it will take place during/in between the Season 1 canon, leading to some changes along the way. So not really looking into Twi’s and Spike’s past, at least not that far anyway. It would however make both the appearance of Twilight’s evil side and how she even came to be at least partially explained. For what You should expect from this possible story, check this out. I know, it would basically be a crossover, but I’ll try to make it interesting.
Oh, and thanks for the Trixie. That really made my day.
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Aw shucks, you gone an’ made me blush.
I usually write what I think should sound good in English, nothing more. To hear that I’m doing such a commendable job means really much for me. As for my native language –Polish, and proud of it.
Oh man! This story defines the "Dark" term!
You had incredibly beuatiful descriptions. The atmoshpere is so frickin' grim and scary that this fic seriously creeped me out.
There are some things with the story however, that needs correction.
First off, I think that the ending was a bit rushed. You could expand Spike - Twilight Talkin'/Relation/Emotion fragment.
Second one. Cliffhanger was quite good, but this is only a One-Shot, so it's not like.
Third. You should give dark side of Twilight more personality and make her more similar to the original Twilight.
I'm suprised by the rating to the story, and I want to suggest you to focus on such kind of stories, you are really talented with that. Maybe another "Only Dark" One-Shot?
By the way, I want to suggest you to check "Authors Helping Authors" group and "The Equestrian Critics Society" group. They are source of really good feedback, and if you search for that, these are really good ways to get it.
Stay Awesome
Verlax
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Thanks for the review and glad you liked it. I have to confess, this was my first story that I’ve decided to delve into the ‘dark’ genre with, and it’s bound to have some shortcomings as I wasn’t exactly sure what to add and what not to add. However, the three issues you had with the story I can easily explain.
First off: the ending. I admit, it was a bit rushed as I wanted to get to work on my second project. Though your suggestions, especially building up the Spike-Twilight relation, was not something I wanted to concentrate on at the time. The relation right now was so vague on purpose, letting the reader come to his own conclusions. Is Spike in this fic only a good friend of Twi, or is he something more? Is he family? Is he a brother? A son? Maybe even more?
Second issue I can safely say, that it was also done on purpose. At first I intended for this to be the prolog for another story, and it still is partially connected to that project even now. If you’re interested in that, it’s my second story, Burnt Offerings, though it doesn’t go right off the bat with full darkness and whatnot, it’s a crossover work and it features humanized (for the most part) ponies, so if you decide to check it out –you have been warned.
Oh, and I do want to expand on this story some day, so I left myself an opening just for that purpose.
Third issue is pretty self-explanatory. As this was only just the beginning of a possibly longer story, Twilight Darkness was only just sketched, without adding fine details to her character. I needed a full-blown darkness-filled antagonist fast, and I skipped the details in the process, deciding at add them on a later date. If you have to know however, I was thinking about giving her a penchant towards researching and Twi’s normal curiosity, though lacking any semblance of morality in her approach to the issue, making her a magic-filled version of the most degenerate of Nazi researchers. Though that’s only one of her traits, and not the predominant one either, so… yeah, once I actually decide to continue this story you’ll see what disturbing s
t hides in my head. Just don’t wait for it to happen just now, I want to focus on my other story first and at least finish book one before I delve into this.
Again thanks for the comment and I’ll consider your proposition with the ‘Authors Helping Authors’ thing. See you next time.
great story!
I like your shirt.
So what was the "incident"?