Into Eternity
Really, why was it so bright?
The trees off in the distance caught fire. The ground was becoming noticeably hot. Twilight was comfortable, but finally gave in and moved when she saw Sugarcube Corner burst into flames.
"Ugh!" she said as she was forced back into her castle.
Maybe she'd have some lunch.
She walked up to the sink, and grabbed the faucet. It was burning hot. She was not happy.
Years flashed before her eyes. Years of searching. Years of raising the sun and moon. Years of empty nights. Her hope had died with Celestia. Her dreams had died with Luna. Her future had died with her friends.
She stood at a grave.
Twilight was getting hungry. She decided to go outside.
The world was burning.
She was crying uncontrollably. It had six names on it. She couldn't make them out. Why was she so upset?
Her castle came crumbling to the ground behind her. That'd be a headache to fix again.
She was mad with grief. She rebuilt the buildings. She replanted the Everfree. They were destroyed over time. She rebuilt them. She replanted. They were destroyed. Buildings aren't meant to last this long. years turned to decades. Decades turned to centuries. Centuries turned to millenia. How many years? Millions?
Twilight didn't even take notice as the fire burnt away at her mane. She looked into the sky, The sun took up her entire view.
Billions?
The planet began to shake again.
Twilight was no longer in Equestria.
The sun continued to expand. The world that she had loved, cared for, and destroyed had been reduced to atoms.
"Guh," she said. This was not how she had planned her day.
Twilight wanted to go to Sugarcube Corner for breakfast.
Twilight wanted to have some of Spike's famous hayburgers.
Twilight wanted to go see her friends. It's been a while, hasn't it?
Twilight began to cry.
The red sun was all she could see. Her eyes burnt, but she kept staring into its glorious light.
"Why is it so hot?" she asked.
"I don't have time for this! I have to clean that scuff mark, and wash the windows at Sugarcube Corner!"
She was overtaken by the sun as it expanded.
"I have to find Celestia before it's too late!"
Twilight saw all of her friends.
"It wasn't your fault. No pony was meant to have so much power," said the teary eyed Princess Celestia. She smiled.
Twilight began to scream.
Celestia held out her hoof to Twilight.
"We're waiting for you."
The heat of the sun was finally too much for her.
Twilight smiled.
Twilight died.
The End
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This is the EPITOME of a minimalist story done well. My heart is aching from reading this. Well done, my friend. Well done.
6435845
Oh my. Thank you sooooo much. I was afraid the last chapter would have turned every one off of the story.
6436035
Not at all! It had a ton of emotional impact, and it made me love the story even more.
BOOOM
well there goes my brain
That was awesome and sad and awesomely sad
I like it!
It puts a nice spin on the "alicorn is the only one left alive however billions of years in the future" subgenre- one I, at least, haven't seen before. Unfortunately, there were a few too many mechanical mistakes, mostly relating to tense inconsistencies, which hurt the experience for me a little. But aside from that, it was good.
One thing confuses me, though. So, assuming I understood everything correctly, at some point in the past Equestria was attacked by another great evil monster, and Twilight had to once again take on the other Princesses' power to face him. But she lost control of it, and ended up destroying the entire planet. Alright, but why didn't that happen already when Twilight did the same to fight Tirek? Is there a detail I'm missing, or am I just totally misinterpreting the situation?
6536336
I intentionally meant to leave the details vague, but pretty much how I envisioned it was Twilight just being cocky. She approached the princesses for the power, and used it without hesitation, without holding back, assuming it would "just work" like last time. She didn't take help from her friends, even though this time she didn't have any reason not to. She cut the power loose, and it defeated the villain, but never stopped. I imagined every normal pony dropping dead as the shock wave slowly spread across the planet, and ponies having enough time to attempt to escape, but being overtaken.
But I didn't want to go into a lot of detail in the actual story.
And I'll give the story another revision and try to clean up any inconsistencies. My specialty has always been trollfics, and I've always had trouble with serious writing. I've struggled with writing, spelling, and grammar my entire life, so I'm grateful when people are willing to point out the flaws in my writing so I can improve.
6536447
Ah, I see. Thank you. Leaving it vague in the story itself was smart, I think. These sorts of stories tend to work better like that. I was just curious for the broader context. So, again, thanks for clarifying.
You know, if you're interested, I could give the story another look and try to do some impromptu editing, pointing out the specific mistakes I notice and whatnot. I can't claim to be an expert, but I like to think I'm fairly good with that sort of thing.
6542976
That would be AWESOME!
6543003
Cool, I'll PM you the stuff so as not to clutter up the comments section here.
Damn, son, you stepped way outside your comfort zone and it paid the fuck off. :D
Present Perfect sent me here.
Good stuff. The voice in this is just spot on.
Good stuff.
7314285
I'm going to pretend that ponies use actual flowers in place of flowers and that it wasn't a stupidly basic error that should have never happened!
7314293
And thank you!
7314285
And in responding I misspelled it agian but this time I'm on POWERFUL piankillers so I blame them. Last time was totally on me. I also managed to misspell "sugar" when I first released the story.
I guess I have a problem with all cake ingredients.
Well, that was disturbing.
It's such a beautiful day was an excellent film
And this is an excellent fanfiction.
Well...
That was depressing, but well written. Also, a good endorsement for why you should never consume any energy field larger than your own head.
This reminds me of 'The Problem with the Princess of Magic' by Feedbacker...
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
15:26_22/7/2016
A wonderfully written story, expressing itself well in a small number of words. You have a knack for insanity, which is a good thing, hopefully.
Glad to have found this little gem.
Aside from some mistakes here and there
This was awesome.
Loved it. Short and
sweetfascinating. I know it's tragedy, but finally allowing her to achieve death makes it a happy ending in my book given the circumstances.6436035
6435845
This. And no. It is a fitting end.
6543003
And it was, only two left I could find besides the flower.
7419855
Fixed and Fixed! Thank you.
And yeah, at this point I've decided to leave "flower" in as a joke.
Nice. I liked what was done with it and glad that things came together to provide an ending. Well done overall.
RIP Twilight Sparkle
7722260
She Twilighted tooooooo hard.
The scuff mark really tied everything together.
You can has review!
I don't know why but I found this story terrifying
seeing your other works, i can tell this is really different than the stuff you usually did. and i can confidently say you excelled in respects to making this fic fill me with as much dread as physically possible. good job!!
Wow, that was... fascinating. I love a good post apocalyptic drama! One of my all-time favorite shows was Life After People. I can easily imagine an immortal Twilight using her magic to rebuild Ponyville over the millennia. I can also imagine her mental state devolving like that, since I've lived by myself for a few years and may have lost a few marbles in that time.