• Member Since 7th Apr, 2012
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With the sirens dealt with and no pressing time limit to return to her world now that she can come and go at will, Twilight spends some time catching up with Sunset Shimmer. She asks a question that has been on her mind for a while now. Namely, how Sunset ever thought invading Equestria with a few hundred zombified high school students was a remotely workable plan. It turns out that radically altering your entire physiology and brain chemistry doesn't do any favors for your IQ.

T for language, alcohol, and slight lewdity.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 100 )

Say that title five times fast

The Flash-bashing was a bit much, but you did basically nail my headcanon for a lot of the headscratching actions in the first two movies. Complete endocrine transmutation is a hell of a drug.

But he's just so fun to bash. How can anyone possibly resist?

Oh my gawd my sides are gone :rainbowlaugh: Honestly, that is what comedy is supposed to be. Intelligent banter and tropes that really make you think about how ridiculous they appear to be. And this line.

"The correct term is 'ephebophile', you filthy cradle robbing slut."

Had me laughing so hard:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Seriously though. Well written, a few mess ups that can go unnoticed like this tripped me up a little.

I hadn't realized how desperately a missed having someone to talk about magic with."

That 'A' made me stop but otherwise I can tell that you put a lot of thought into basically debunking Equestrian girls even though it was a short fic idea. Keep it up

WHOO My sides! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Typo fixed. This is what happens when you don't have an editor and do most of your writing moderately tipsy at 3 am.

Also, glad you liked it.

Reminded me a little of Mentally Advanced Series in how you approached the obvious headscratchers in the movie.

This was just awesome, short, point on and funny as hell :rainbowlaugh:

Teenagers turned into brainwashed demons, they were expendable, she could replace them by demonizing and brainwashing the crystal ponies next, it didn't matter how many losses her army took, she could replace them in under a minute.

Hah, STUPIDS. Hah. Clever, clever.

Meta text here, Meta text there META TEXT EVERYWHERE!

Gotta love some self awareness. Though what you gonna use the whole hormone thing to explain stuff in Rainbow Rocks to, like how Twilight thought they could just Rainbow blast everybody in the beginning or didn't simply gang up on the Dazzlings since they out numbered them 7 to 3.

You mind if I make a reading of this fic?

The correct tag would be Equestria Girls, not Human.
Otherwise, good story.

Wow, this does explain so many of the stupid moments of the first movie. It even helps explain how Twilight just threw together a way to force open the portal in a few minutes in the second movie. I thought Sunset would have adjusted better, but guess the rapid transition from human to pony (to steal the crown) then back to human didn't do her mind any favors either, even before being overloaded with magic.

This was a great silly fic, though I kind of wish we had seen more of Twilight and Sunset just chatting before Sunset dropped that bombshell on her, its fun to see them bonding like that.


It shows just how long I've had this sitting forgotten and half written. I'm pretty sure the Equestria Girls tag hadn't been implemented yet.

that box from the tree of harmony?

The Tree of Harmony is a unique thing, ergo a proper noun, ergo capitalization.

7448943 One could utilize basic self-control.

You forget to end some sentences with periods.

An interesting head cannon. I'd never really considered the idea of changing physiology causing severe mental deficiency, but it makes sense.

I had a different explanation for Twilight's behavior that I came up with about a year after the first EQG movie, but didn't post a story of it because I thought it was too late to the game to be relevant.

I've been stuck on writing my next story for a couple months. Maybe going and writing my head cannon can help get me un-stuck. After all, if you were okay with posting a head cannon fic about Twilight's behavior in the first EQG movie 3 years after the fact, and it's well liked enough to end up on the front page, I suppose I should be okay with posting one late too.

Monfang #18 · Aug 4th, 2016 · · 24 ·

Oh you were SO close to making a somewhat good story. I was even ready to suspend my disbelief for the transformation excuse.

Then you had to go bash Flash Sentry, a character who has done no wrong except taking your precious waifu.

Look, here's a simpler answer that is supported through examples in MLP canon: Magic, when it runs amok in a living being, has a way of drawing out their strongest desires and twisting them to the extreme. Luna went from wanting her night to be appreciated to dooming the entire world to having one nation be trapped in eternal night. Sci-Twi went so hungry for knowledge that she was ready to destroy everything just to get at it. Twilight herself went though something akin to it during Lesson Zero and we can also argue that Sombra went through something similar.

The symptoms match up: Fixation on a single goal, lack of foresight, disregard for the well being of others, arrogance/narcissism, lack of empathy, and most likely others if looked at by someone with more knowledge than this.

So then, why doesn't Twilight just tell everyone what is going on or just steal the crown back or lie to get it back? Easy:

Theft is wrong.

Dishonesty is wrong.

Telling everyone that she comes from a magical world of talking ponies, dragons, pegasi and unicorns would ether land her in the loony bin or lead these unknown beings to her realm and cause far worse trouble than a missing crown and Element.

the name spells out stupid
clever little fucker

I completely missed that :rainbowhuh:

Totally worth the read :rainbowlaugh:

wlam #22 · Aug 4th, 2016 · · 3 ·

With sudden realization, Twilight's hands flew up to the side of her head in horror. "Sweet Celestia! I'm a pedophile!"

:rainbowlaugh: You're right, it really does explain so much.

One more reason why EQG shipfics are the worst.

That is the worst comment I've ever read. Congrats. Eight paragraphs of pointless un-words just to explain away a little throwaway gag that you didn't like. You must really be the joy of every party.

Yeah, I was on board with this story until you started bashing Flash out of nowhere. And that's not just my personal feelings—it's completely random, adds nothing to the story, and whether you want to admit it or not, it's out of character for both girls.

This was hilarious.

Loved how you used the seeming age difference between the two worlds.
Now all we need is to see Twi actually turn her castle into a giant laser..


Nice projecting with that sudden curse words there, authorman

Fic is oky(?)

7449540 But could she mind-control new ponies while simultaneously fighting off 3 alicorns (and Shining Armor, who should probably count as like 1/2 an alicorn)?


She wouldn't need to, that's what the canon fodder is for. And remember, THIS IS Celestia's student given the power of a Nightmare. It's up in the air if her scheme would work, but she'd sure as hell cause plenty of damage, and I don't think her scheme was an inevitable failure.

The punchline got me better than it should have. Well done! To the comedy shelf!

7454112 I dunno, her original army seemed basically mindless (except Snips and Snails), add in the shock of body transformation to pony and 1 Guardspony is worth like 20 of them. Almost everyone marching through that portal would probably be unable to walk upright for a few hours, let alone fight anything. I could see ponies in front of the portal lifting up struggling mindless zombies (who can't even walk) by their backs and throwing them back through the portal, if necessary. Even if Sunset marches her entire army through the portal (2-3 at a time), when she steps through she is going to instantly be the sole focus of the alicorns and Shining, and most of them can teleport around.

Perhaps Nightmare Sunset is strong enough to take on all those alicorns basically on her own, then she could succeed in her plan (well, Discord might interfere, but Sunset had no reasonable way of knowing about his release). But even if that is true, it still means "mind control high school students and march them through the portal" is a dumb idea that doesn't add any value. If Sunset had just left everyone else behind, flew through the portal as soon as she got powers with the advantage of surprise, then made a break for a far corner of the world where she could hole up for a few months and try to deepen her mastery of the crown of friendship, that would have been a much better plan. I'm not saying it would succeed, but I give it better odds than ruining her advantage of surprise by slowly marching an army in front of her through that portal. There's a great series by Chengar Quodath that is a bit similar to that, with Sunset hiding out in a foreign country that lacks an extradition treaty, building up her magical talent and power.

It also explains how she went from "not actually evil enough to kill a puppy" to "tries to murder 6 people with a fireball" in about 2 minutes.


Also, Sunset only had a small window to make her move, and since she didn't have access to atomic bombs, she likely didn't want to stay on earth with her zombie army for long, she had to make her move THEN.

7454356 That is a good point. I wonder if Sunset had kept the crown the whole time, she would have gone to a military base and tried to enchant the soldiers there, then march them back through the portal instead. It's a crapshoot if their guns and bombs would be operable at all, or usable by pony hooves, but trained soldiers have to be better than high schoolers as an army.

I'd think the smart thing to do would be to stealth through, see if she can get some invisibility going, then once she's in Equestria steal the mirror and move it somewhere else, where she can move her army through uninterrupted. Her main disadvantage is that the other side controls the portal, in pretty much any inter-dimensional conflict the side that controls the portal will win, 99% of the time.

7454369 Given that after that many years, her plan was still to hang out in a school, I doubt anything resembling actual military tactics ever entered her head.

That's the problem with plot convenience. It doesn't permit characters to make sensible choices.

7448938 It won't kill you instantly.

Unlike meth. I mean I would never take that drug.

It would mean...


Cheeky monkey, you. Headcanon accepted. Never transmute and attempt a coup, kids.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::facehoof::yay: Awesome story! Glad you finished it!!!

As it turns out, affecting the Moon with lasers from Earth is a really tricky affair: if the Equestrian moon is roughly the same distance from Equestria as our own moon is from the Earth, then even very tightly focused laser beams will spread out to cover a very large area of the Moon's surface by the time they've reached it. If you can somehow work around the focusing problem, you've got another one: in order to do enough to the lunar surface to have an effect easily visible from Equestria, the laser would have to have so much power that the beam would convert the atmosphere it's passing through into a superheated plasma, which would be a bit problematic for anything with the temerity to be living nearby (what qualifies as "nearby" in this case depends on the exact strength of the beam, but could potentially range anywhere from a few dozen miles to over half the planet). While it doesn't address this issue specifically, this xkcd What-If scenario does review the more general question of illuminating the lunar surface with laser light, a read which should prove (heh) illuminating, while this scenario covers the atmospheric effects of a similar (though far more extreme) laser beam to the proposed Friendship Laser.

Sunset laughing her head off made my sides decide to orbit the Milky Way. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy:

Ah yes, I think I've read those before.
Lest there is any confusion, I do strongly recommend against attempts to burn the moon with lasers. Atmospheric affects are serious business.

Sunset's little jab at the end is perfect XD

Only a person with Sudden Transdimensional Uncontrolled Polymorph Induced Deficiency Syndrome can say these words really fast:
Eye, Yam, Stew, Pit.

I love the fast paced dialogue so much.

Considering how useless the alicorns are, it wouldn't surprise me if Sunset could just overpower them with either mind control or brute strength.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: Oh my god this was so good; I can't thank my friend enough for sharing or I would've missed it! But a bit of quibbling, 'cause it's what I do:

"-and the integral between the two points is defined as the square root of the sum of the squares of the separation between the points along three spatial dimensions."

"Wow. So you, what? Just knock a chunk out of the walls and-"

"But that would mean-"


Say, have you ever heard of —, the em dash? It's my favorite punctuation mark; it's used instead of the hyphen to denote the abrupt interruptions that cut off or, in the case of that first quote, lead into sentences. Also I'd personally only capitalize the first B in "b-but". :twilightsheepish:

"No, no. It's fine" Sunset reassured with a gentle wave of a hand.

Then I went kind of...well...crazy

"It's fine" needs to end with a comma, and the second line needs to end with a period.

"I'll have you know that I would only use the Friendship Laser for good, and in the service of friendship. Like...um...uh..." Twilight strained to think of an applicable example that didn't involve maniacal laughter or shouting anything along the lines of 'I'll show them all!' "...Making popcorn?"

I see what you did there. It's even fucking purple.


Okay, that was funny. And explains so much. Favorite exchange had to be this bit:

"The correct term is 'ephebophile', you filthy cradle robbing slut."

I just love the thought of Sunset being this teasing, and it makes their friendship seem so much more genuine.

But...Really? More Flash Sentry bashing? I mean, I personally don't like him, but at this point, it's just too fucking easy-it's more of a cop out whose time spent writing it could be better used on figuring out some other joke that takes some modicum of effort.

More Please - this would make a great Series


I was wondering how many people would spot that.

The ending got me, you deserve an up vote.

My sides was so having a field day with this fic it imploded. :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh:
Headcanon accepted.

That's fucking clever.

PS: I'd like to see Friendship Laser in action.

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