• Member Since 10th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Sporktacles


I love sporks. And I love soup. Those two things unfortunately don't go together very well.

T

The 19th Equestrian Alicorn Council is now in session! The Council is the current ruling body of Equestria, on which sits every alicorn in the country.

There's just one problem. The council is currently comprised of 84% of Equestria's population.

Princess Sugarcoat, the official speaker of the council, investigates just exactly how this state of affairs began.

Turns out, it's all Cadance's fault.




Trigger warnings: Alicorns making fun of Twilight Sparkle and Cadance.

Rated Teen and Sex for a giant pile of sex-related idiocy.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 77 )

Can I sue you for the murder of my sides? :rainbowlaugh:
Have a fav and a thumbs up.

This was... well, this was exactly what I thought it would be, actually. Silly, entertaining, a bit crude. Have a thumbs up.

Well this was seriously random. Hilarious because of the setting of the proceedings.

Princess Batsy FTW!
I, for one, welcome our alicorn overlords...:facehoof::trollestia:

And for another twist, an uninfected Trixie finally gets to be the most powerful unicorn... in Alicornia. :ajsmug::trixieshiftright:

When I read" princess starlight glimmer" I was like" pull's out a gun and shoot's himself in the face".????

First born alicorn
Hard core, soft porn

It's gotta be a nightmare... Twilight having a nightmare over her guilt for her bisexual attraction... or Cadance having a nightmare after Flurry is born. Either way still funny :P

Good version of AIDS..

:facehoof:

It's only to be expected. When your title is Princess of Love, you're able to make all kinds of things reproduce, sometimes without meaning to.

And "genocide" is kind of a strong term. I prefer "incorporation." They all count as unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi simultaneously. This is the ultimate moment of inclusivity! (Woo! Princess of Spin Doctoring, here I come!)

Also, does this mean that the human world is experiencing regular outbreaks of people growing wings and going mad with power?

That was hilarious. But I do not think the loss of single pony tribes could be called genocide. Alicorns are all three, also no one is being killed.

I motion that Sunset Shimmer gets a high-five!

Blame Cadence's Booty

Best slogan, 2016.

Ok, having pony Sugarcoat sum up the whole situation just makes this almost perfect. I was expecting crazy and random, but finding out it started with Cadance then spread to Twilight, then Pinkie and everyalicorn else is... this is insanity. On top of all of that, finding out how Sunset and Sci-Twi also got it was possibly the funniest thing in the fic.

Maybe Flurry Heart just ascended in the womb and alicorn parts come fully grown.

Also, wouldn't it get incredibly annoying to have to vote on every little thing? It would go so slowly too! Have you ever played matchmaking in Halo Reach? It can take ten minutes for everyone to freaking vote, and that's only with 16 people!

Uh...
What did I just read?
...
I'm not going to do anything to this story. While it was funny, it was awkward enough for me not to do anything to it.
- Just a random spectator :applejackunsure:

The moment I saw 'Blame Cadence!' I thought of the PTA meeting from the South Park movie and 'Blame Canada!'

Well, isn't this a nice story. It would be a shame if someone were to, I don't know, criticize it. (Welcome to the rice fields motherfucker.)

"Princess Sugarcoat raised the gavel with her magic, and tapped it lightly on the block in front of her, speaking clearly into the microphone. There was a sudden burst of feedback from the speakers, which made her wince until the sound crew corrected the problem."

Okay, lets start with the condition before a comma, that directs the sentence. It is not needed. Nor is the contrived metaphor at the end clause. You can say the microphone spoke into the microphone, but I find that this adds no emotional context to the story, nor does saying with this bland verb provides anything to the plot. This is an action opening, as so many often do, do throw the audience into the fray of the story: the favorite of many a reader and writer alike, as this usually avoids unwanted prologues and fluff. However, that effect is negated when your first sentence does not focus on a meaningful bit of dialogue, or an act that has ramifications on the story, and also avoids being a cliche.

Now as for the name of the princess, "Sugarcoat". For a pony this is generic. Perhaps it is meaningful to the plot, as I am only criticizing the opening. That said, I find it disappointing that it does not provide some referential or thematic motif to such a powerful figure in the world of MLP: she is a goddess in essence.

As for the next bit where speakers are concerned, and the sudden burst, I will say a few things. Firstly, the use of sudden, or suddenly. This use of adjective, in this case, takes away from the suddenness of the action. If I say a meaningful soliloquy by a character, and provide a short sentence on action, the brevity of the action speaks for itself. Like can you imagine a guy speaking to a murderer about how he must live, and he goes over all his story, and then all you read is, "The gun fired." Suddenly takes away from the act of the suddenness of the verb.

I will also note that the burst of the speakers, and the wince of the character are generic. If you had Sugarcoat "grin a crooked line" or some other such description, that provided character to your character, it would be appreciated. As for, "until...problem" Now, a nitpick of mine. A conference of such importance, held by an Alicorn, having an error this basic also makes me laugh a bit. Also, the tension for this does nothing to add to the story, and the verbs of the crew are bland and provide no atmosphere. It seems like the entire opening is an action scene, and in media res, to focus on an opening that bring nothing to the story, and an awkward quirkiness to relate to the main character.

I am just reviewing the opening itself. However, if the rest of the story reflects such a lack of understanding, I advise you gain a mentor, or read some books on writing. You must have at least read some theory on writing, haven't you?

“Very good. Let us begin with the recital of our agreed-upon motto. Blame Cadance!”

“Blame Cadance!” echoed the throngs of alicorns.

:rainbowlaugh: That's the part where I knew this would be great.

“Next up, Princess Bill Neigh has an update on the investigation into the gradual alicornication of Equestria.”

There was a general rousing of interest as a gray stallion stepped up to the podium. He cleared his throat. “I’d prefer Prince Bill Neigh, if it’s all the same to you.”

He facehoofed. “How does that motion keep getting defeated?”

A yellow stallion wearing a vest and Stetson raised his hoof. “Ah like bein’ a Princess!”

Sugarcoat sighed. “Yes we know, Princess Braeburn.”

:rainbowlaugh: :facehoof:

Man, I could keep quoting amazing lines from this, but then I'd just reproduce the whole story here. This was the best laugh I've had all year so far. Has this been featured yet? It should be.

Princess Prince-Consort Shining Armor

This one deserved special mention, though.

This was glorious:pinkiehappy:

7039943

Hoo boy, you're right. That first paragraph was awful. Restructured it a little, though I'm keeping the blandness.

You must have at least read some theory on writing, haven't you?

No, no I never have. I really should, though.

Just FYI though, Sugarcoat not a generic pony. She's a canon character who has quite a few lines in EQG Friendship Games and her defining characteristic is her brutal honesty, which is why she's the main character.

This site needs a Friendship Games shadowbolts tag.

7039943 Sugarcoat is the name of a character in the EQG films. You can't blame the author for using it.

Shouldn't they be blaming Larson?

Also, high five, Sunset. Good job, girl.

This was awesome, I giggled IRL.

True story.

Funny premise that made me giggle a bit. Most of the dialogue itself sounded pretty good, too. However, the real drawback here is that some the narrative sounded and felt a little awkward. Still, since most of the story is told through dialogue, it isn't a massive issue.

A yellow stallion wearing a vest and Stetson raised his hoof. “Ah like bein’ a Princess!”
Sugarcoat sighed. “Yes we know, Princess Braeburn.”
“Eeyup!”
“….and Princess Big McIntosh.”

i completely lost my shit at this. hilarious. i'm gonna need to find a princess braeburn picture.

She looked over to the amber mare sitting next to both Twilights. Sunset Shimmer just grinned widely. Sugarcoat sighed. “You had a threesome with two Twilight Sparkles.”
Sunset’s grin widened further.

pre12.deviantart.net/d836/th/pre/f/2013/132/5/1/sunset_shimmer_by_karzahnii-d653kxf.png
you are a gawd amongst ponies.

Plot twist: Cadance secretly bought up half of Cloudsdale before deliberately infecting Twilight Sparkle. Once the amount of flight-capable ponies has tripled, she can then sell off her Cloudsdale properties at a vast premium compared to what she bought them for.

I don’t know whether to smack you or hoof-bump you. Probably both.

We all do...


Nice story!!

Also:
Long live Democracy!

7039012
7038915

It occurs to me that "genocide" has a lot of negative connotations, and not in the way I wanted, either. I found another word that fits better: "extinction", so I changed it. Thanks!

7039834 Just have a 15-30 second timer on the vote, then those that don't vote get smacked by a boot. People will be voting then!

...I don't know what I just read, but I want more of it :rainbowlaugh:

Came back here to comment on something in light of a throwaway comment in this chapter about Flurry Heart in light of the Season 6 premier

Flurry Heart really does seem to be the Harbinger of the End. So, congrats of predicting that.

7065828

Well darn! Guess I'm psychic!

I eagerly await the fulfillment of my prediction for a Sunset-Twilight-Twilight threesome!

You earned yourself a fave and thumbs up

It lumbers a bit, a tad forced. But still competently written.

And then you get to explaining how Sunshine, Sunshine is to blame and it was all worth it :pinkiesmile:

Though the fridge horror as to how _Cadance_ ascended is really quite dark in this world :twilightoops: (Celestia found her unconscious from the magical artifact explosion that killed Prismia and ravished Cadance's sleeping comatose body? :pinkiecrazy: )

7115381

Clearly Cadance getting her horn from beating Prismia was just what they thought happened. It's not like they were going to tell the whole world how much game Cadance had when she met her princess for the first time.

7038213
I do declare, you're 3 weeks ahead of me. :rainbowlaugh:

Spork...

Fuckin' Christ, Sporks. That was... magnificent.

I Blame Cadance's Booty.

As soon as I read the title, "Californication" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers ran through my head. XD

“Uh, no. I didn’t get to go to the human-world,” admitted Pinkie. “The only pony who ever went across the mirror on a regular basis was Twi…light…”
Everyalicorn turned in the direction of Twilight Sparkle, who was blushing harder than ever.
“Figures you have a primate fetish,” said Sugarcoat. “Wait just a second. Is this in any way related to why the other Twilight Sparkle-” indicating an almost identical lavender alicorn wearing glasses and having her mane tied up into a bun, “-ascended at the exact same time as Sunset Shimmer?”
She looked over to the amber mare sitting next to both Twilights. Sunset Shimmer just grinned widely.
Sugarcoat sighed. “You had a threesome with two Twilight Sparkles.”
Sunset’s grin widened further.
“I don’t know whether to smack you or hoof-bump you. Probably both. Well, there’s only one last disturbing thing left to ascertain, but since this seems like a session for awkward revelations we might as well get it all out of the way. Princess Luna wasn’t around at the time of Princess Cadance’s ascension, so I’m afraid I have to ask: Princess Cadance and Princess Celestia, have you had any kind of intimate contact prior to her ascension?”
Both mares looked at each other. Princess Celestia’s famous white coat was turning a very dark shade of red, which didn’t go unnoticed.
Sugarcoat nodded in understanding. “A thousand years of celibacy down the toilet, huh. Well, that settles it. It’s nothing that we didn’t already guess anyway. Princess Cadance, I officially declare your booty to be patient zero of the alicorn outbreak. Kindly avoid future booty-bumps with unsuspecting creatures, in case you next transform something like petrification into an STD and all of alicornkind is turned into stone.”
Another hoof shot up, this time that of a mare’s. “Motion to change our motto to ‘Blame Cadance’s Booty!”
*DING!*
“Passed!”

this part made my day.

I may not usually support shipping, but when I do, I blame Cadence's Booty.

Ah yes, the booty, the source of all problems. Always blame the booty.

Well, I always read it for the plot. :ajsmug:

This, eh... Is GLORIOUS, EH!

“Then I motion to delay renaming our nation till that happens!”

'til

I don’t know whether to smack you or hoof-bump you.

Definitely the latter.

7039049 [youtube=_OemNp6hgX4]
7066473 [youtube=_OemNp6hgX4]

Pinkie Pie will rape you in your sleep.

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