• Member Since 12th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday



Celestia is trapped on Earth.
Not as a human. Not as an alicorn. She's a common horse, an Arabian mare, without her magic, voice, knowledge of the language - not even freedom, forced to work at a riding school.

What can a single Arabian mare do to get back to Equestria from this backwater European country? With only the mind of a princess and a pencil in her teeth, Celestia must find a way home.

[Illustrated] [Alternate Earth] (without Bronies)
Rated Teen for language and some scarce suggestive themes.
Proofreading by AlicornPriest

Polish language version

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 613 )

This. This is really cool.

Comment posted by Iron Sky deleted Jul 27th, 2015

Sorry for deleting the comment but that's a bit too early for spoilers. BTW, 1) about 2000% boost in efficiency, 2) why wouldn't they?

Imagine a smug horse. And now imagine it being twice as smug.

Quite excellent. I need a new chair now, this one is broken.


1 people generally put pride before efficiency.

2 the fact that they manufactured something to make the process easily repeatable implies it's something they do often.


I could have gone to bed... but I think I'll keep reading. Very entrancing.

1) Why do humans invent gods? What inner desire does that fulfil? Also, just look at the face of the world of the final chapter. Humans *want* to be good, given the chance, they just don't know *how* most of the time; the efforts wasted or futile in the long run or thwarted by greed, laziness or incompetence of others. Seeing they actually *can* make a difference makes all the difference!

2) Why, yes. There are many who petition for it, and it's not much more complex than the Breezie spell.

Just finished it, was pretty sweet. The only constructive criticism I can offer is that some scenes didn't have much explanation/setup (where are they? Who is present? How much time has passed?) before just diving right into dialogue.

The scale of the story escalated quickly. Not that it's a bad thing, it just caught me off guard.

It's late. Very, very late. I'm going to sleep.
Good story, hopefully I'll have some hella cool dreams.

EDIT: Congrats on making the featured box! I knew this story would make it.

really like this story. hope to see a sequel.

She wore tack and a saddle. I recognized a hackamore in her mouth. It's a type of bridle that, in skilled hands, allows for superior communication between the rider and the mount. In less skilled hands... it's a cruel tool of torture for the horse.

As an owner of horses (and Cowboy to boot as evidenced by my handle) I feel it necessary to point out that hackamores are a much more humane option for an "untested" horse than anything else. Including spade bits and curb bits. The reason it is better for the horse and rider to have a hackamore than the above mentioned bits is the fact that you don't have to put your fingers in a green horse's mouth (it would most likely bite you and that hurts a lot[experience]) and they are designed to ease a horse into the whole "being under someone else's control" thing.:ajsmug:

TL:DR maybe consider a different form of control.

Other than that little niggly nitpick, very well done

Question: is this English or Western style riding? Because you seem to be using a mixture of both (what with the mention of the heavy saddle and all)

EDIT: just read the A/N

“An Arabian mare.”
“Estimate value?” the lawyer asked.
“Honestly... no clue. I know the range of values of Arabian horses, but I don't have a clue about her.” I paused for a while, thinking. “Wait... lower end, just a couple thousand. They were using her for recreational rides for kids. You don't put a million-dollar horse to that kind of work.”

depending on the area and what condition it's in and how old/well trained it is... Celestia in this world would probably work out to at the very least about million USD

Other than some of the issues that I had with some of the tack (see previous comments) this was a nice little story that had a very intriguing premise. one that wasn't "pony lands on 'murica because reasons" tale.

No paperwork whatsoever? Doubtful.

As for the riding style, while the stable advertises "both" it's more of a "bastard blend".

Is "Quonsen Hut" a typo or a Polish spelling? AFAIK in English this type of building has always been a "Quonset Hut" (happened to live in one for a while when I was an Air Force brat).

No, she hadn’t hacked my password. The PC was running under Knoppix, booted from a DVD she must have found in my stack of disks.

For somepony who presumably never saw a computer before, she's learning pretty fast! :trollestia:

You BET HI so you win 0.80653765 BTC!

what :pinkiegasp:

And you just cracked it.

WHAT :twilightoops:

P = NP

WHAT :pinkiecrazy:

and nineteen tons of... bananas?”


“Slab, did you take that Molotov?”

This is escalating quickly :twilightoops:

Dammit, busted. She snorted. “I can't help it. You are a gorgeous mare.”

This felt really off, to be honest. Attraction between humans and human-like cartoon ponies is one thing, but Celestia is an actual horse here.

She has a tablet with net access, lots of resources for beginners :)

...That was amazing:rainbowlaugh:!

I won't spoil, but damn that ending, who knew how much damage Celestia could do by just being Celestia:trollestia:

Funny thing, I had a similar idea for a story, well similar concept anyway (pony in equestria as a normal horse), but you took it to such extremes that my idea has been totally eclipsed by yours.

The one little criticism I have is the romance is quite insubstantial, kinda like 'Bam there in love now!'

But overall, it is rare that a story totally bowls me over, I commend you good sir:pinkiehappy:.

mass-destruction thought-devices

Celestia is a lovely little Keter-class horse, isn't she. :twilightoops:

And every bit as brilliant as the AI named after her in Friendship is Optimal.

It also contains a symbol that says how much trouble I'm in. Something like DEFCON. One means 'Take your time, I'm enjoying my stay.' Two is 'Get me out of this dull place.' Three is 'I need rescue soon, short on supplies or wounded.' Four stands for 'Hanging by straws, rescue needed immediately!' and five is for 'Avenge me.'”

6 stands for "There is no cake in this world."

will there ever be a sequel?

his name was Abstract Symbol, or ƕƾ


(The closest to a phonetic pronunciation of ƕƾ would likely be wh'ts, as ƕ represents the /wh/ sound and ƾ is a /ts/ ligature.)

Oh god this chapter. :rainbowlaugh:

This was great, I loved the scene with the landlord and the BB's.



I realized it during his second day. ..

Omfg this is gonna be good.

Why was she suddenly speaking earlier in the chapter?


What the hell have you done?

This is absolutely amazing so far. Thank you for making my day, it's always fun to find a new promising story.

I needed to use Dasher to type for several months many years ago, and I've never seen it in a work of fiction. Color me surprised and nostalgic. But IMO, it would be worth making a simple gif image to show people who don't know what a "dasher" is.

Good guy Russians.

Man, this story is too awesome.

6250754 I believe she isn't. The author is just not mentioning certain apps and devices that she can talk through. As we know he already established that she talks this way.

Nope, it's self-contained. No sequels planned. But if you like princessly badassery, check my other stories :)

I am shocked and disgusted with this story.

Only 48 likes? and 7 dislikes to boot?

I... This is awful. I can't believe nobody has seen this before.

I mean, I just learned about this story right before it was featured, so i'm hoping that this story gets the statistics it deserves.

Thank you for your words, RandomBlank. We'll keep in touch.

I guess these, who hate My Little Dashie downvote without reading, and these who love My Little Dashie downvote after finding how much this one isn't it.

Read the description, saw no correlation at all to MLD. Going to look at it and see if it does look like an MLD fic.

Edit: Read the description, I saw no signals to indicate that this was close to My Little Dashie. To me, it looks like "pony gets stuck on Earth" as it should.

Well Tia, you did it again!

This was a very good story. It shows what one very clever version of Celestia could do to us if she so pleased, I especially enjoyed how her efforts to slowly heal the world made us all but plead for her to still help.

The romance was...a bit of a let down to be honest, it just felt kinda tagged in and I feel that this story might have been better off had they just been very good friends. That said, an extra chappy focusing on their relationship could very well heal this problem. Basically it's whether you can be bothered to write a bit more or not.

Good - Plot was very fun to read.

Grammar was pretty solid.

Character's were nicely written too.

Bad - Romance felt tacked on, but could be better with an extra chapter focusing on it.

Story can be a bit hard to follow for those who don't understand stock/maths/computer lingo.

Worse - By almost fucking over all of humanity to break our poor protagonist out of jail, Celestia is proven to be a certified troll. :trollestia:

Loved it! On phone so no long review, but daaaamn Tia way to show off 1000+ years of wisdom!

I'm going to say this now: if this story doesnt get to the feature box and earn at least 500 likes, I'm going to flip a lid!

Really want to imagine that you work at an insane asylum and just found all these scribblings from someone that needed to be moved into a padded room and decided to make a story out of it. Looks like I'll be late for work...

It already got featured but it seems if it gets 500 upvotes, it will have 250 downvotes as well.

good job Celestia! you crashed the stock market! :trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

One of the best I've read so far


I'd argue she's a Thaumiel-class horse but either way, yes, perfect way to describe her.

I was super sad those links did not work because if they had this story would innocuously be the most dangerous thing ever released

It's over already? That was glorious. Congratulations on getting into the featured box, this story deserves so much more. Any sequel planned?

My only real complaint about the story is that having P=NP is huge. Insanely huge. Honestly, it wasn't even necessary to have as part of Celestia's bag of E.T. tricks, since as far as I saw, she never actually used it for anything after breaking the bank on the online casino, when a NP problem to P problem converter offers so many ways to improve or shatter the system.

If that piece was replaced with Tia using that general prime finder equation to make a billion+ digit prime, that would qualify her for about half a million dollars in rewards from the EFF, and each of those classic unsolved math problems have a cool million waiting for a winner. It makes a lot more sense that she'd look for people willing to buy the next step in human mathematical advancement instead. Breaking SHA-512 to collect a hundred thousand is insane, let alone telling a human they have access to an equation that could quite literally destroy the economy overnight if it got out.

Also, from a sci-fi reader's POV, it's seen in way too many stories as an indicator of "oh look this character is super intelligent" when an author either simply doesn't grasp how scary such a proof could be, or simply doesn't care enough to let the full implications deviate the story.

strip the file, leave the host,

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