When most people behold the extraordinary, they believe that a single path lays before them. The way I see it, however, I was given two choices.
1) I could try to harbor a magical alicorn for weeks... hiding her from my father, the government, and a world where everyone has smart-phones linked right to YouTube... while risking jail time and personal injury.
2) I could... not do that. In fact, not doing that sounded considerably easier and less painful. Not risking imprisonment or... worse punishment... also sounded nice when you get right down to it...
Can you really blame me for seeking the easier option?
Edit: Featured on 1/31/2015.
Chapters (1)
Nice to finally see a story of this kind where everyone is rational.
5572147 I know it's hard to believe.
I'd still harbor Twilight if she showed up in my yard as opposed to handing her off, but yes, I can see this as a rational way this could go down. It was certainly different than most such stories. The weakest part in my eyes was the ending. Thumbs up and welcome to writing on Fimfiction.
By the way -- you are in popular stories on the right side. Congratulations.
5572147 Thanks. I think most people expect that a story with this type of rationality wouldn't really be a story at all (or that it just be a short spoof-fic) so I did what I could to make an actual story out of it... if you can call this a story, that is.
5572506 Yeah, I can understand your problems with the ending. Even when I write up a character who acts like a total jerk, I have a hard time "committing" to that type of attitude in the end (even if it would make for a more consistent story tone on the whole).
Also, holy Marzipan! I certainly didn't expect to end up in the popular series bar (I did a personal 'whoop' of triumph when the story reached 10 viewers) but I thank all of you readers out there (and the vast, unknowable algorithms of fimfiction who choose which stories to display)
Hmm... Personally, I more liked All-American Girl approach. (Even though there were different circumstances)
5572572 It's on featured box now.
5572987 Despite reading quite a few famous stories on here, I'll admit that All-American Girl has somehow slipped under my radar. I'll definitely be sure to read it!
Also, wow... feature box. Not quite sure how this happened but I think that I need some time to process this.
Wow, a new story by a new author!
This is your very first story on the first day of being on FIMFiction... and you get featured. Sorry, but I actually have to laugh.
Anyway, I'm sure you'll be a great author in the time to come.
5573245 I'm right there with you, buddy. Believe you me, I'm right with you.
Thanks for the kind wishes.
So are they screwed or not?
5573299 Depends. Are you talking about the two worlds as a whole or just the characters?
Only TWO choices?!
BAH!!! I call False Dichotomy! FALSE, I say! The author is the false prophet, harbinger of Satan!
This heresy clearly calls for BEHEADING!!!
5572431 Humans acting rationally?! The government NOT raping her and performing vivisection upon one of the rulers of an extraterrestrial civilization?
INCONCEIVABLE!!
Clearly, the reality would be that the government would brutally murder the alien in every twisted way they could think of and then execute everyone the guy knows in front of him before lowering him into a vat of "Alien" eggs.
So they could spawn an Xenomorph and use it as a weapon... or something like that.
Or, is this supposed be any government BESIDES North Korea's?
As I am a scientist, a biologist who also happens to know quite a bit of conceptual physics, I would wonder if the photons of the episode I'd watched had somehow formed an unstable entanglement briefly with an Equestrian universe and created a transitory interdimensional rift which lasted only long enough to invert the local space within the scope of its field dynamic structure, and that happened to include Twilight Sparkle.
I would then present her with this possibility and we would spend the next 20 years in various accelerators attempting to obtain qualitative and quantitative data regarding the phenomenon.
There actually are...
http://bigthink.com/dr-kakus-universe/un-to-establish-protocols-for-when-we-make-contact-with-aliens
The UN actually did something right!
I guess miracles can happen!
i liked this story, it flowed well (needs a bit of editing though, few missed "s" and words that should be there that arent) i like how everything was believable and the point of view was on point with the tone of the story
5573370 The characters.
Also this needs a sequel.
Just going to say...
This is an incredibly confusing incorrect use of a double negative. A quick fix would be to replace no with any, but the sentence would probably feel better if it was made shorter.
5573454 Responding to things in order:
1) I suppose that I could respond to that accusation... or deny it... or ignore it... or merely acknowledge it before going out to purchase a duck named Stewart. Say hello to the scientist, Stewart.
2) We are deep in 'Murica country with this fic, though who knows who really pulls the puppet strings?
3) If you can slip the words "purple pony princess" into a grant application and still get it approved, I question the use of your time on science instead of world-conquering.
4) To think that if only Frank had an iphone instead of some cheapo flip phone, he could have googled that for himself (also: that is Awesome!)
5573631 Thanks for your kind words. Yeah, I'll have to make some edits in the future.
5573723 Believe me, I'm about as startled and confused by this as anyone else. It's kind of hilarious but I'm ready to treat it like a fluke.
5573808 In my head, they end up in a relatively good spot considering everything that has happened. While everyone got some mixed attention for the entire first contact thing, the narrative was written from a point a couple of years later and they have mostly moved on to have productive lives (likely with a bit of government surveillance going on the background). Even twilight made it home (hence her returning for a cultural exchange) so I'd think that royalty visiting a foreign land qualifies as dangerous but not quite "screwed".
I personally don't have any big plans for a sequel, seeing as the escalation of events would likely pull things into a large adventure (which would kind of defeat the point of this story). If anyone else wants to use these characters, though, they are free to it. I try to keep an open mind when it comes to having my headcanons challenged, even (or especially) when it involves my own work.
5574211 If you need help hashing out a sequel plot I can help. This is too good to just be left like this.
Fresh idea and pleasant to read as well! Bravo!
This story was rational and fun! Good show!
5573808 i Support this!
This is brilliant! I really enjoyed it.
You, sir, get a moustache.
This story didn't really sweep me off my feet.
But it was good, I guess.
It was an interesting experiment I suppose, in dealing with the What If that no one bothered to write. The problem is, I think we now see why no one bothered to write it. There's nothing that makes it great. It's certainly not terrible, in fact it was fairly well written, but there's nothing here that makes me say it was good. The only surprise was the one you spoiled in the description, so the rest of it was already written in my head before I read it.
5575283 We need more people shouting! Will you help?
5574164 Fixed. Along with a couple more small errors that were driving me nuts.
5575384 That's the catch-22 with this types of things, isn't it? A subversion only really stands out from the crowd when you advertise it as such... in which case your audience knows what will happen just as certainly as if they were reading what you are trying to subvert (especially in a one-shot, where space for extra curveballs is limited).
I'm sure that there's probably some basic marketing skills I can learn to deal with this as a large number of movie trailers manage to avoid this problem. Until then, I'm satisfied with having created a technically sound first story.
5574368
5575283 I'll admit that I'm kind of ambivalent on the topic of a sequel. While I'm overjoyed that someone enjoyed it enough to want more, I only ever intended it as a one-shot and I fear that continuing it on would either necessitate escalating the conflict or having a bunch of people acting totally irrational. I suppose that I could also want to adjust the scope (abandoning the characters to ask if the two worlds would realistically want anything to do with one another) but I've already read a good story or two looking at that very question. Plus, I am pretty set on working on another story that I've had laying around: a niche story that holds a special place in my heart.
Again, if one or both of you want to make a sequel of your own (or find someone who does), you are welcome to do so and I'll link you over in the description. If you want to go this route, I could even give feedback on some of your ideas if you wanted to message me. For the foreseeable future, though, that's about the best that I'm willing to guarantee.
5575497 So is that a yes or a no?
Alternate title: Common Sense: The Novelization
5575509 I'd be willing to help with planning and ideas for a sequel but I don't think I'd personally write one.
5575522 Yup, that about covers it. Considering the scarcity of common sense, nowadays, I'd say that it was in need of a novelization.
Nice
No seriously, that's all I can say about it, "nice".
It's not perfect, but it's not bad either, and the concept is good.
This actually reminds me of the story Change is Good, where the protagonist also has a bought of common sense after meeting a Chrysalis that's been turned into human and dumped here. That is, using common sense in that instead of immediately harboring the crazy lady speaking nonsense (as in most other stories that have ponies turned into humans and dumped here), to actually take her to the hospital.
Or The Finger Trap for nearly the same premise as this, but in a more comedic fashion.
Anyway though, nice story here, particularly with subversive use of common sense.
5575415 YESS!!!
5575497 you are awesome!! I think everybody said this already, but if this is your first story here in fimfiction, it's super well written. I don't know if I could write a sequel that would be as good as this...
5576904
5576910
LET TARTARUSBOUND KNOW THAT WE SHALL HELP! ALL THY NEED DO IS ASKETH US!
5577040 YARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
5577056 YEAH!
seriously... No if ands or buts....
SEQUEL....
NOW!!!!!
Not to be a spoilsport, but "really weird thing happened to me, I took the most boring option available and then nothing much eventually came of it" isn't something that makes for a very gripping story. Intentionally removing all the exciting parts people read stories for is funny as a little "gotcha" at all the PiE/HiE clichés, but still makes it kind of... pointless.
Fun story and I did like the authentic friendship that was built between Twi and the human. I think you've got a good grasp of your writing voice and could churn out some strong works if you take sufficient time to plan out the characters and their arcs. Hope to see more of your work!
If I could offer a suggestion on what to work on, I thought the story's main stumbling block was in the matter of narrative tension. I'd change the description because it makes it clear how the end will go and so there's almost nothing in the way of suspense. Add in that the person's recollection goes on many tangents, and it becomes very easy to want to skip whole swaths of the story in spite of its quality writing.
This is a fic fans should read if only to give them a look at other approaches to story writing. Hope this sparks some interesting discussion. The main questions that came to my mind during this and my responses are below if people would like to springboard off of them.
This story raised two questions for me that were worthy of literary discussion: Was the approach taken the best option? And does it matter that Twilight, an alicorn princess, was the one to travel?
For the first question, to me, while it worked in this story, the route the main character took is actually the riskier move given Twilight didn't seem like she intended to explore further and was willing to leave at earliest convenience. In most situations I've experienced, adding more variables makes things harder to control.
Sure, the neighbor MIGHT not get jumpy and go into a panic, the police MIGHT not be as trigger-happy as in other areas of the country, the government MIGHT not go into gridlock debating course of action, or decide to cover the encounter up, this MIGHT not go public, other nations MIGHT not demand she go on diplomatic trips worldwide, nations MIGHT not go to war to gain exclusive diplomatic rights (and down the line, rights to explore and colonize the pony world), the public worldwide (specifically hate groups) MIGHT not go into a frenzied panic upon discovering an interdimensional being and MIGHT not try to assassinate her any time she's making a public appearance, etc., etc.
BUT is it wise to let countless wild card variables in when Twilight is only going to be present for a finite amount of time? The encounter presented represents what happens when everyone involved is being rational, which is certainly preferable, but that may not be the case in another area of the world, the country or even the region in which this story takes place.
This brings me to the second question, and yes, it does matter that it's Twilight. She and the other princesses are the only ones I'd say could reasonably protect themselves in the event something goes wrong. I'm not sure one of the CMCs or Fluttershy or even Applejack could be approached this way. Heck, a panicked cop or armed neighbor alone ends the story since they're unable to magically protect themselves.
5575415 Perhaps you should ask this guy, he's pretty good at shouting.
I would personally very much enjoy a bit of elaboration on her encounter with John De Lancie. That sounds hilarious.
Disease transmission is a moment-killer between long-separated groups of a single species, but cross species from different worlds altogether probably wouldn't be that huge a deal. Viruses evolve to target certain things, and we're far enough down the medical tree these days to keep someone stable while they wait out a bacterial or microbial infection. It's something to watch out for, certainly, but unlikely to cause the kind of accidental slaughters you see in history.
Also you have a lot of paragraphs that got center-aligned for no discernible reason.
The problem with behaving rationally is that you have to account for irrational actors. Urban traffic in a nutshell.
Someone tell me if RealityCheck comments. I crave drama.
Oh come on, now you're just trolling Twilights intellect.
As if SHE wouldn't know THAT, being so well read on crazy level likeness, and an alicorn herself.
Also, why there are so many people assuming that Twilight should know by default what humans are because of EQG, I cannot fathom.
Equestria Girls is a self standing Spin-off! No knowledge from that Movie has influenced the series in any kind, because it happened in a seperate alternate universe, which just makes sense since it was meant to be a spin off in the first place.
That of course doesn't mean you can't choose Twilight from that "alternate spin of reality" to appear instead of the canon series Twilight.
But I honestly find, that Including Twilight with the 'out of the box' knowledge from Equestria Girls about humans, while putting her on earth, even while she remains a pony, is one cheap way to go around many species question issues, as well as technology questions.
EQG Twilight as a character, wit hall the knowledge gathered from the movie, takes the novelty away from situations such as "human in equestria, or pony on earth"
Refreshing subversion of the annoying "we have to hide from the government that would have all the resources and experts to actually help, because they'll totally dissect you, because killing and dissecting your one live test subject is totally a better source of information than interviewing a living, friendly, and English speaking alien" trope.
I did however, find myself hungry for more description of the adventures of Twilight meeting various ministers and diplomats, chatting up the scientists, setting up formal relations, learning she's a fictional character in this universe, etc.
5578916
Yeah, everyone knows they're a phenotype. Ponies don't have subspecies.
What can I say...
It's written pretty good yes, but I have to agree with some people that the common sensical actions of him, which speed things up by a long shot, are ironically what makes the story a little bit... well... pointless, or boring.
The story is practically a guide that tells you exactly "what happens, if the human uses sharp common sense to help a pony home". Unfortunately that common sense wraps things up much to quickly, and thus makes the story rather boring.
It practically undoes the story in the story, lowering it to a ... hand guide level of sorts.
Sure we know the government is not evil and cruel, at least when facing technicolor sapient alien ponies.
Sure we know that any 'good' guy or girl with common sense would act like he did, I mean it was about helping a 'person' home, not hiding his personal idol in a basement.
But unfortunately that "reasonable response" is preventing any action, larger comedy, adventure and slice of life, all tags that are rather prominent points in a Pony on earth story to make for good fiction.
It's like this:
This story perfectly describes how to deal with pony Twilight, or anypony, on earth at a very, very reasonable, sane and straight level, making it incomparably realistic... and that exactly prevents all the aspects mentioned previously from ever unfurling and developing.
In other words, this very nice 'guide' of sorts, makes a very bad, or lets rather say uninteresting, fiction ;).
Twilight appears,
guy calms Twilight down,
calls the cops,
cops call more cops,
chief of cops calls the goverment,
quarantine,
Twilight gets help to get home,
guy lives his live on,
Twilight can jump between worlds to visit the human whenever she wishes.
End of story.
Best solution
and worst fiction at the same time
.
That about wraps it up! Please keep in mind I am NOT complaining about this story, it was very nice to read and pretty well written, but it is something that I would not like to see more often, because there is nothing more to see here, everything is finished a bit too quickly, as it probably would be in reality ironically.
As I said, realistic story makes for bad fiction.
It's much more interesting to see a half baked nut job for example, who is not showing violence against ponies, taking on the quest to bring twilight home.
And the paranoia guy, his right hand if you will, helps to keep her away from the government, which would wrap up things far to quickly.
Still, this definitely gets a like from me!
Well this was nice :D As entertaining as the actiony 'oh nus, aliens ur invading, gov'ment must do sumting, but alien's aren't really invading they're just being crazy paranoid' stories, This is obvious evidence that a totally normal mild story is also entertaining...
However...
I demand recounting of the Sweetbread incident And Twilight's 'altercation' with Mr. De Lancie!