I mostly just read fanfiction. Occasionally I write my own horse words. They're decent enough.
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Twilight, Applejack, and Fluttershy arrive... somewhere after a teleportation spell goes awry. Stranded in an unknown land with nowhere to go they hope to find somepony that can help them find their way home. They find something else instead.
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The spell goes perfectly fine.
[Spoilers for those who haven't read chapter 1 yet. You have been warned.]
Hmm... I'll be following this. I look forward to the human(s)'s reaction(s). It could go MANY different ways. For instance...
Is mlp known in this world? If so, is this person a/ are these people brony(ies)? Do the ponies look like their counterparts on earth, or do they look like they do in mlp? Is Fluttershy okay? Pegasi (as we know from Rainbow Dash) can certainly take quite a beating. How will Twilight and Applejack react to something that just came out of nowhere and seriously hurt their friend? Then, it quickly stopped, perhaps to go for another attack? Will they be petrified by fear at seeing a new creature (since Twilight isn't an alicorn and hasn't gone to the EQG alternate reality), or will they attack it? Will the human(s) be able to speak to the ponies? Or are Equestrian and English two different languages? How will the military react? Will the human(s) reveal them to others? How close are they to society, as there are paved roads? Are Twilight and friends unwittingly going to initiate first contact?
Well, I hope to see the answer to some of those (rhetorical, for now) questions, author.
I look forward to the next chapter! 
Depends. Does Fluttershy die? If so, then yeah, I'd say it deserves a dark tag... if she doesn't, though, then nah, you're fine.
Wow, what a great start... Can't wait to see what happens next.
Interesting start, I hope this doesn't fall prey to the cliches that this genre is known for.
MOAR! if you dont mind. i want to see wat happend to flutershy.
Interesting.
The only problem I have with this is the minor grammar errors and the mistakes with the quotation marks. Other than that, the start is very interesting.
Fav'd and liked, waiting for more.
Oh snap, Flutters got hit by a car.
you killed shy... 0.o
3150122
ROOOOADKIIIIIIIL
WHY FLUTTERSHY?!
I wish it was AJ who got hit by the stupid driver!
I do hope to see this continued
I will wait till the next chapter to read this and find out if fluttershy lives or not. this will also determine If I was continue to read it.
Critical Hit.
Rule number 3 in human world don't go to the middle of the rode when it's raining even worse in the middle of the woods.
3148389 I'd love to see someone make an interesting story from that.
3152791
'Caus she's the most likely to panic and freeze up.
Can you make longer chapters please? This is going to be very good...
Well, great. Fluttershy is roadkill while moving roadkill.
It happens to the best of us.
Excuse me...
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Wow! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my story. I am shocked by the amount of positive responses I have received and am glad so many of you enjoyed my story! A quick note to anyone who wants to know. I plan on posting a new chapter sometime this weekend so stay tuned.
Right, this is a good fic, and I have high hopes for it, my only criticism, Geopocalypse, is that you tend to use the word 'said' a lot. While, 'said' is required to convey which character has spoken, it is not always necessary and sometimes overused, which I feel is what has happened in this chapter. My suggestions, are to either sometimes drop the word, when it is obvious who is speaking, or to replace it with a more in-depth description of speech. Here are some before and after examples:
"Sorry about this girls, I don't know what went wrong with the spell," Twilight wondered aloud as they trotted along the road.
"I think it's a road," said Twilight "It doesn't look like any road I've ever seen though. I have no idea what this material is," she continued, tapping it with her hoof.
"What's it doing here in the middle of the forest?" asked Applejack "Why would anypony build a road in the middle of the Everfree Forest?"
"I'm not sure, but somepony built it," Twilight replied, "Fluttershy, have you ever seen a road like this in or near the Everfree?"
"No, I've never seen anything like this before, It-it's kind of scary looking,"
"Maybe we should try to walk around it," Twilight suggested "just to be safe."
"Um yes? So what is it we're doing?" Fluttershy asked.
"Twilight made a teleportation spell with more juice so she can travel further and she wants us to help test it," Applejack summarized.
"Oh, okay that sounds simple enough. It's not dangerous is it Twilight?"
"No of course not, I've done several small scale tests and the results have all been very promising, I am almost one hundred percent positive that this test will work just as well."
"Alright well I guess I'm ready when you are."
"Great let's get started then, just stand where you are and try to stay as still as possible," Twilight instructed
"I guess I'll get out of your way then," said Applejack.
"Actually if you wouldn't mind I would like to try and teleport you as well Applejack, If it's all right with you of course," Twilight asked her friend.
"Sure Twi I don't mind at all," Applejack said nonchalantly.
"Excellent! Just walk over there and stand next to Fluttershy and remember to try and keep still."
Again, these are merely suggestions, and you're the author, you can take it or leave it, whichever you choose, however, I feel by not repeating the same word over and over, a story can flow much better, and allow an author to go more in-depth of the inflection of the tone of voice, by using other descriptive words.
Aside from this, I would just like to reiterate that this story has piqued my interest and I hope that you continue to do well, and improve. Best of luck to your future endeavors.
*Liked and *Favorited
Love how this is going. Very well done
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Bravo, Bravo
GG G FUCKING G
Ponies are retarded. I have no idea how they are meant to keep their species in an organized group for more than one year without them finding a new species of tree and starting a mass panic.
OMG
MORE
If you won't mind
Hooray for Tranquilizer guns!
Finally, people who act like actual freaking people!
And please don't join the tin foil hat gang and actually have them call in this discovery of a new species for once... like normal people would do. You know, Instead of being misanthropes and keeping it to themselves in fear of the government doing something like dissecting unknown creatures instead of; you know, performing a MRI instead and keeping these one of a kind creatures alive for study. (sick of those people in stories)
[Note: Okaaaaaaaaay... Wow. I wrote a lot more than I originally thought I was going to. Just know that I don't mean to unfairly belabor/ critique your work and I wrote this out of enjoyment and a desire to see this story do well (and continue!)]
Woot! This updated!
I love the way you handled the changing perspectives. Seeing Daniel's reaction to the Equestrians and also seeing the Equestrian's reaction to Daniel was a fantastic way to gain insight into both party's personalities and perspective. The Equestrians seem so smart and reasonable when you look from their perspective (well, for the most part, see below), but all that Daniel sees is a couple odd animals. Perhaps that's prejudice on his part as he's not looking for sapience, or perhaps the Equestrians were too panicked and reacted too much like animals for him to realize it. Nonetheless, it's a great storytelling technique and I approve of the 3rd-person omniscient PoV.
Oh, also, thanks for answering
So they're not very close to a city (although I am curious as to why there is a paved road leading to a single house (known since the ponies found it so easily and didn't mention any other houses), typically it would be a single-lane dirt road), the Equestrians and Humans do not share a language (+1, I usually cringe when fics do that), mlp is not known in this world (or at least these particular people are too removed from society to know about it), and these two people each seem to have a head on their shoulders and are compassionate enough to not immediately rat out the Equestrians.
somepretty much all of the rhetorical questions I asked last time.Now, to what I didn't like so much...
You have a real problem with the word "said"
. Just reading the first section, for instance, was quite awkward since Twilight and AJ were experiencing some serious emotions at their friends pain, and simply using "said" detracted from their response. It made it seem much more impersonal even though the scene itself was quite emotional. I get that you're trying to move on to the next scene and begin to develop Daniel as a character, but that was the cliffhanger from last time, dangit, and I want my popcorn reading!
Twilight and AJ are reacting quite irrationally to this situation and personally I feel like they're OOC. I know that Applejack would be rash, but I expect better from the learned Twilight. When her magic didn't work, I would think she would have tried to get Daniel's attention and show that they are sapient and want to help their friend. I realize that Daniel is a new, intelligent creature that attacked them with an unbelievably heavy object and that they think they're in the Everfree forest, but Daniel was moving very slowly and carefully, and didn't retaliate angrily when AJ blocked his movement. That should have clued her in that he could listen to reason. Instead of doing anything, though, she just stood there.
I guess she was petrified by fear at an extremely dangerous creature and for Fluttershy's safety, but her timidness comes off as very un-Twilight to me, Twilight doesn't abandon her friends (except during the Timberwolve attack in Spike at Your Service (which I have many problems with for other reasons, too) 
, but she did say afterwards that she thought Spike and AJ were right behind her... anyway, I digress), and she has proven to be very adept at dealing with adversity (Nightmare Moon, Discord, Trixie's Ursa Minor problem, etc.). It's still a very weak (character-wise) response from her, and I don't think there is any way around that, but I would have liked to see some more internal monologue of her thoughts to justify her response.
Aaaaanyway... accepting that... At the very least, I think that Twilight would have magically pulled AJ off of Daniel and tried to take control of the situation rather than screaming at her to stop (and crying when her telekinesis didn't work earlier? er... no.). Oh well, minor nitpicks (Twi's my favorite pony, can you tell?
). I still love the story and I look forward to where it goes from here.
You know, from my experience with reading other stories that alternate perspectives like that and jump slightly back and forth in time, I think it's usually clear enough without those explanations in bold each time you do that. They honestly make it kinda awkward. I think the readers can understand it all fine without them. Otherwise, good start!
I'm kinda shocked that the human didn't realize that the ponies were at least a little inteligent. When I look into the eyes of cows, pigs, horses, and deer, I always see the same blank looking stare that they always give. But if I look into the eyes of a human, or a chimpanzee, or a dolphin, I see something so alive in there, its almost scary when it isn't a human I get this feeling from.
3168302
Not as an insult to you, but even famous writers have done the 'said' thing before. I even saw that one writer had a rule about it- he almost never used anything other than said, on purpose. Still a great famous writer, recently passed, by the name of Elmore Leonard.
gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Boy-That-Escalated-Quickly-Anchorman.gif
*Groans*
Not that old cliche again...
3169193 Well, you can't say something like that is not bound to happen. The pony's eyes ARE a lot larger than normal.
EDIT: But I can see what you mean, it IS a little bit overused.
Tranq darts?
3169515 I made a thread about this subject a while back.
3168241
Seriously, this.
The "keep a dead specimen as example" thing is ludicrously outdated and literally everyone in the scientific community knows it.
3170449 Very interesting. I have posted my thoughts.
3169193 Yeah.. sorry about that cliche
I Wanted the ponies to remain show accurate and the eyes are something I think a normal person would take note of as being strange.
3168241>>3170608
True, but:
1) Just because they won't kill and dissect them, doesn't mean that being that one of a kind specimen is going to be much fun. At a minimum, odds of them ever being let go are rather slim. Especially if one of them has access to abilities that could be the key to the biggest scientific breakthrough in history.
2) Most people aren't in the scientific community, and believe a lot of ridiculous bullshit about science.
3170814
Not so much strange as freakishly huge, I would think. A show-accurate pony in real life, without the stylized art style, would probably look like some hideous mutated abomination to the human eye.
3168524
I see intelligence in a horse. They are really smart.
3170814
I kinda wonder if Fluttershy will be able to speak to the humans if the others cant,since she is the animal pony and she speaks to the animals. Or Twilight decides its a good time for a language spell that she knows for Germany visits or something
3176331
So I take it you have seen into the eyes of chimpanzees and or dolphins and have seen no difference in the way they look at you than any other animal does? We human have the one thing that sets us apart from animals, and that is imagination. Horses do seem intelligent because we have spent many generations breeding the most domestic and most efficient workers, we have also does this to dogs, so their intelligence is also above average. But the brain activity of a chimpanzee or a dolphin is just so staggeringly more developed than herd animals. Perhaps chimps and dolphins do have some kind of underdeveloped imagination, but I'm not sure of all the experiments that have been done of the topic.
3176404
Monkeys are creepy and I don't like them, its a phobia and dolphins act like little children playing in their pods. I like them and know they are smart, but those two animals are not almost as smart as us. Sure they can do stuff, but monkeys mimic the humans and its in a dolphins nature to protect and play.
I'm just a little disappointed that the people could not understand the ponies, considering that both English and Equestrian are VERY similar, then again, they are from different worlds.
Great chapter. Keep up the good work
3168016 I agree. this is VERY realistic. MUCH moreso than most contact fics.
Sorry for asking but when vil the next chapter be out ?
3248677 I can't and won't promise a release date, but there could possibly be an update sometime this weekend. My schedule has been busy lately so I write when I can. Sorry that's not a very clear answer but hopefully the next chapter will be done soon.
I'm very interested in seeing how this plays out.