• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 36 minutes ago

AdmiralTigerclaw



T

The Elements of Harmony. Six artifacts of legendary power that have provided for the peace of Equestria for over a thousand years. While Queen Chrysalis managed to deny the ponies their ultimate defense, she still lost to a different unexpected surprise in the form of a love-powered shield spell.

However, the Elements won't be so easily denied. Unbeknownst to anyone, they awaken in their vault and cast Chrysalis into another world to teach her a lesson or six about life and harmony.

Stripped of her power, trapped in a form unfamiliar even to a changeling, and at the mercy of the locals, Chrysalis must learn how to get along with others before she is allowed to return to save her hive. And if successful, she may just be allowed to keep her new friend... If he's willing, and if he can survive the drawbacks of being one of the rarest changeling classes ever seen:

A breeding drone.

Join a spoiled rotten queen and a workaholic electrical engineer in the retelling of an adventure that brought them together across the boundaries of space and time. Because sometimes, a little change isn't all that bad.

(Changeling Drone 'Gazer' design artwork courtesy of oFimFiction.net member 'More Dakka')

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 287 )

Okay, Automatic Fave, and Automatic thumb up because of first, knowing how much a great writer you are, and second, just based on the little snippits you have provided in your blogs over the previous passage of time.

I can say that this is going to be fun to read and I look forward to being able to give a full review when I read the chapter.

((Just trying to actually leave comments on why I star something or thumb up something.))


EDIT: Additional Review below this Line

First of all, a most interesting take, going with the ending and go backwards first, that is rather fun, and in my experience a fickle thing to accomplish. However I know from what I have read of your writing, you will do well.

Second, The dialog, the interactions and just bringing in two characters that have no clue what is going on (Heck I don't know half of what you mentioned partly and I live in this world) So once more, congrats on getting me to think and want to research. Also part of that was just the banter, these folks felt like real people. Or Ponies, or Polymorphic, insecticide, well you know what I mean. These felt three dimensional. I am very much impressed by this.

Still, I would say more but the time is late, and I cannot form my thoughts anymore then what I have said. I shall then end this with one more comment.

Good Job, great potential, don't ask me to edit, and just keep writing, and I look forward to more chapters of this story when they become availiable and open for all to read.

This is it, isn't it. The amazing story that you've been teasing for a while.
I have a need for read.

Noc

kurai-subs.org/wp-content/uploads/all-of-my-yes.jpg

I have nothing else to say because that says it all.

Between updates from you, whatmustido, The Rogue Wolf, Arad, and Estee these last few days, my quota for excellent HiE stories is met and surpassed this week.

… Wait, that was saying something else. Oops.
————————————
Wait, I have some free time, so I hope you don't mind if I point out a few li'l typos I noticed?
• In the story description: "for the peace of equestria" (missing capital)
• "and a wonderbolt desperately" (should be capitalized)
• "Crysalis seemed almost as if" (missing "h")
• "THAT, is a CHANGELING?!" (superfluous comma; either delete or replace with an ellipsis if you want a proper "pause")

mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2822_small.jpg
You are making it ridiculously difficult for me to not drop the "Read the entire fic before upvoting" rule of mine. Almost broke that out of sheer glee upon seeing this in my feed.

Continue! More of this ambrosia will do much good for the whole world of pony fanfics!
Though do take your time and write when you feel like it... nothing good ever comes from forcing...

Keep up the amazing work!:twilightsmile:

I have been waiting for this for a long time. Hopefully it won't be too long before we get an update?

Found in feature box. It's quite interesting. I hope to read more of the Peter Cullen/Optimus Prime/Face Stealer voice.

Thoughts on seeing this:
1. An Hie? Cool, I guess. . .A lot have sucked recently.:ajbemused:
2. Queen Chrysalis? Getting better. . .:rainbowhuh:
3. AdmiralTigerclaw wrote this!? I must read this now.:twilightsmile:
4. But this means all of his other things he wrote will take even longer!!!:twilightangry2:

Hold on…

You have two popular stories, one that hasn't updated in about a year, and you write a new story?

:ajbemused:

The good news is, this means you should start updating Lone Ranger soon, hopefully.

Man, this certainly didn't take long to rocket into the first place in feature box.

I blame it on the fact that you spent so long teasing us with anticipation of this particular fic.

4403547
This is surprisingly close to my reaction.
Now if I had time to read it... Oh well, I'll have something to look forward to.:twilightsmile:
And I hope the Arrow 18 stories will continue soon. Those are awesome!:rainbowdetermined2: Even if Dash didn't like that one part.:rainbowwild:

Haven't actually gotten around to reading much of it yet, but just from the blog-post snippets alone you totally got my upvote and favourite.:pinkiehappy:

Ah, may I suggest an adjustment in brightness/contrast for the cover image?

Some more like this:
beyond-cheating.de/tmp/190260c.png

AdmiralTigerclaw wonders if anyone's noticed that a couple of random background changelings have acquired... interesting names around Gazer.

4404677 The cat in the hat and Sarah Kerrigan would get along fine im sure.:rainbowlaugh:

Ever since I saw the blogs, I've wanted to read this. This was probably the fic that I was most excited about, and now it's here!

Okay, this seems like quite an iteresting prologue.
Tracking engaged.

4404476
I like this better than the current image, I hope he chooses this one.

4404738

The current image is only a placeholder for something better I'm collab-ing with More Dakka on. So there's really no point in playing musical chairs just for a contrast change.

Engineer in Equestria stories are where HiE fics go to become awesome. Railguns? Satellites launched by Luna? Yes, please.

Maybe, just maybe this trip would teach the two not to jump into other pony's business considering the staff.

ponies', or "another pony's"

It's like having Deana Troy

You wound my inner Trekkie. Deanna Troi. Besides, I get the feeling her mother Lwaxana is a much better comparison. :applejackconfused:

Still can't figure out how 'Tavia plays the Cello with those nubs-

don't capitalize cello

Pissing her off pulls her out that funk faster than anything else I've tried.”

out of that
All the tech this engineer's dreaming up reminds me of totallynotabrony's Dream, only less silly. I can't wait to see what these two do together! :pinkiehappy:

4404941

Thanks. Corrections from you and one other person done.

Would you believe some of the weird typos I make? I caught one where I'd written a statement, and reversed the entire order of two words, while staring at them, and only caught them on a followup pass.

Capitals are a weird weakness of mine though. For some reason I 'Proper Noun' objects and actions in my head here an there, and that gets translated to text.

When I saw the title, I thought Kha'Zix would be in this. :fluttershysad:

You did the Cube... pfff... bwa ha ha ha ha ha :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:. Brilliant introduction chapter all in all. Like, fave and awaiting next chapter.

4404677
I did, but decided not to comment. Though since you ask...
Thing One and Thing Two must have an interesting backstory! Do tell!

Also

If only the princess were here to watch this

Either "the princess was here" or "the princesses were here". Your choice!:twilightsmile:
Disregard, me being tired...:facehoof:

edit:
Oh, and that:

and I'm left to take the blame for for some

On default viewing setup it's less visible as the double for is at the end of the line.

Noc

4405316

If only the princess were here to watch this

Either "the princess was here" or "the princesses were here". Your choice!:twilightsmile:

I'm afraid you're making the classic “was vs. were” mistake. In short, because the princess was clearly not present, you use “were” in this context. So ATC is correct. :raritywink:

It's a neat idea, and I'll follow if it updates somewhat regularly.

4405515
This is why I shouldn't try and correct anyone past 11PM...
Yeah, it's right. Which is why I did not notice it the first time I read it. The best thing is that now, when you pointed it out, I see my mistake...
Welp, next time wait till 2 AM for corrections! I seem to be better at it when it's completely late.
Thanks!:twilightsmile:

Oohh, this was just an intro scene. This felt like the sequel to a story that I had missed.

Anyway, will we have to wait, like, a whole year for this story to update with just one chapter? I don't mean to be rude, but your track record says that your long stories take a very long time to update.

Lab

Looking good. Since it has a changeling that has an appreciation for railguns, I have no choice but to keep an eye on this fic.

4405606
Don't worry, he's been working on and planning this for a while, so he should have some chapters lined up for us while he works on new chapters.

I literally jumped up and down with glee when this appeared in my feed. And the first chapter does not disappoint!
:pinkiehappy:

I'm intrigued. Please, do carry on. :trixieshiftright:

I really, really, REALLY like where this is going. Starting here at the end to show how things end/ Gazer/Toby introducing tech to Equestria in a way that's not broken or mind-blowing for the ponies, Chrysalis being nicer, her reaction to The Cube (Google says it was a horror film, I can imagine it already) and so on.

I hope this doesn't take ages to update or - heavens forbid! - doesn't at all, like other amazing, unique stories with a hooking start I've seen.:pinkiesad2:

Have a like. This story deserves it.

Have a fav. You deserve it.

Think of a human as you see me now, like a tall, fast ape without a tail.”

Apes don't have tails.

Monkeys are the primates that have tails.

4404295
Finally! I have time! Let the reading commence!

“Sheesh... I can't even have my thoughts to myself anymore between you and princess Luna. It's like having Deanna Troi and Mrs. Freddy Kruger stalking me.”

:rainbowlaugh:

“Ow...” he mocked in a monotone. “The pain. The pain.”

This whole conversation is glorious!:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

“I thought you two were over the whole kidnapping and impersonation thing,” Gazer frowned. “You said sorry for being short sighted and stupid, she forgave you, and Luna kept Twilight from playing tennis with your skull for messing with her family.”

and Luna kept Twilight from playing tennis with your skull for messing with her family.

Twilight from playing tennis with your skull

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::twilightoops:

Totally worth any exiles, dungeons, or dungeons in exile, however that saying goes for ponies.

Nice reference.:twilightsmile:
Although I have to agree on the whole railgun thing being a bad idea.

I love the credit card thing. It reminds me of the good old days of letters to the princess.:twilightsmile:

“Maybe that was a bad idea,” he stated quickly. “Uh... Help?”

Someone needs to learn to think things through.:rainbowlaugh:

The Transformers reference was kind of silly, but I guess it would have been better if I'd watched the movie instead of having to google it.

A... Longer, introduction chapter than I intended, but I like how it turned out.

The chapter seems a bit drawn out but it's not much and it is a lot better than rushing it with so much being established here. I have no idea what to take out anyway.

All in all a nice start and I'm looking forward to more. Here, take a thumb up and a fave. You already got followed back when I found the Arrow 18 stories. (If anyone here haven't read those, go do so now.:twilightsmile:).
Thank you.:twilightsmile:


Here are the issues I noticed, mostly typos and missing words:

ropes pulling taught as the formation of fliers brought the huge load to a gentle stop

taught -> taut

The workers flanking the queen began signalling with several different colored flashes as group centered over them, backing up to stay in sight of the drone.

The workers flanking the queen began signalling with several different colored flashes as the group centered over them, backing up to stay in sight of the drone.

The stallion turned and quickly trotted the path down to greet him, his voice carrying easily over the relative quiet that was now only being broken by the sound of the surf.

Is he actually talking at this point? I read his previous line as being before he started walking and the next one is after Nora and Crystal catch up with him.

letting out huge fanged grin

letting out a huge fanged grin

was how Chrysalis was staring at drone with an almost vapid look on her face

was how Chrysalis was staring at the drone with an almost vapid look on her face

And as such I'd like to present to you the director of Canterlot City Services department, Lady Stonewall, and her younger friend, Ms. Crystal Clear.

And as such I'd like to present to you the director of the Canterlot City Services department, Lady Stonewall, and her younger friend, Ms. Crystal Clear.

“You said that was still thirty years away if we rushed it,” she rolled her eyes. “Just use fire-mail. It'll get there.”

Unless the aforementioned laptops came from Earth I'm curious why it's that much harder to manage satellite communications.

And she turned with a huff, trotting up the stairs back up to the terrace.

Beginning a sentence with a conjunction is considered bad style so you might want to change it unless you have a good reason.

and I'm left to take the blame for for some super powered magical artifact trying to cram it all together while hoping it works without testing

and I'm left to take the blame for for some super powered magical artifact trying to cram it all together while hoping it works without testing

Gazer turned his head, looking up at the terrace before motioning for them to follow.

However, her interest in the conversation starting up caused her to drop the look in exchange for curiosity.

When we were headed for the beach in the beginning I got the impression that it was further away that the distance they would have covered in the time of this short conversation.

seeming to relaxed from frothing rage

seeming to have relaxed from frothing rage

I've been waiting to see this become real for a while now and I very much approve of what you delivered. A delight to read, fun and interesting all the time. Can't wait for the encounters with the princesses and the mane 6 to come up. The scene right after the turbine was set down left me somewhat confused, though. Half the time I couldn't figure out whether Fancy Pants was cantering to meet Toby or the other way around.

Here are some small typos I spotted.

“No,” she snapped. “HE' is not. (missing apostrophe before HE)

“What in-” Lady stonewall

Pulled out of her reverie by by a tap

take the blame for for some super powered magical artifact

The only good thing that ends in fire is a solid rocket booster... and even that's not always good.

4406763
Or lighting a fire on purpose.:twilightsmile:
Then you can have marshmellows!:pinkiehappy:
I guess you could have that with the booster too, but it'd be tricky.:pinkiehappy::twilightoops::facehoof:

4406240 now that im litsening to the speech it really sounds what chrysiliis had o go through to ge her people back together.

this looks promising ..i will give my review after the next chapter is written.
but it does show great promise.

It's here! After so much teasing, it's finally here!

Time to read this (hopefully) glorious thing!

Oh. Why am I not following you? I should've done this since I fav'ed Lone Ranger.
Edit: Ah, I see. in media res a bit.
Though I question how one guys knows that much.

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