"The bloody Captain had me clean the Princess's private lavatory last night for smoking on duty. It doesn't seem bad I know, but given she had another one of her bloody cake binges last night... it took me hours to scrub that sh*t off the ceiling..."
Meet Copper Hand, a Private in the Royal Guard. (Not by choice.)
Take a journey into his life through his journal entries that detail the horror thrill there is to being one of Celestia's finest.
A simple series of short journal entries. Humanized ponies, rated teen for language and some sexual related comments.
Pre-read by RainbowBob and DVAN56 Edits done by Bad_Seed_72. Go give them some love!
Inspired by the art by the fantastic egophilliac, go check her art out and her awesome blog!
Chapters (9)
Sold.
Edit: Downvotes from that? i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee222/merc_the_jerk/1380586956721_zpseb79fe70.gif
Stay classy, Fimfiction.
Okay, that was hilarious. But I don't see what's so difficult about explaining pornography.
"People like looking at other people in sexual ways. Somewhere along the way, someone turned that into a business where people got paid to turn themselves into objects of sexual appreciation. Yes, like hookers, except the customers don't get to touch. Yes, like harem dancers. Pornography is the same thing represented in media form, such as pictures and movies. Movies? That's a different question. Pictures? Like a painting, but it can be made much faster."
Be a guard they say
Your be famous they say
You don't do jack shit they say
Easiest fucking job in da world.
Glad to see Blueblood shown for the fraud he is.
...JESUS CHRIST
also, i was sure he'd say something about one of the princessess
essesseseesssssass/arse/butt/sitting-meat3347256 yeah but he had to explain it to:
1: a princess
2: an adult (thousands of years old... propably)
3: a person that's socially awkward
4: propably a virgin (since a non virgin propably wouldn't react that strong)
5 a
hopefullybeautiful woman/god#6: a beautiful princess that is a few thousands of years old that is socially awkward and a virgin... propably
3347296 eh, he's portrayed like a douche in (almost) every fic.
3347374
Makes it easier if you close your eyes while explaining it.
"Why am I keeping my eyes closed? Well, Princess, it is because you are a drop dead gorgeous Goddess and keeping my eyes closed while explaining pornography to you is the only way I can keep myself from picturing you in a pornographic manner. ...yes, I do get one day off a week. Saturday, why? ...I suppose I could escort you around Canterlot this Saturday. Are you asking me on a date? ... ... ..."
One hour later, the next shift found both Luna and Copper Hand having fainted dead away from mutual embarrassment.
3347380
I meant the way he sucks up to the populace of the city to maintain his image.
3347394 ... that's just wishfull thinking
3347403
Could easily see it happening, considering she's still blushing every time she sees him.
I feel like I'm being overly picky here, but that supposed to be a capital P.
Well actually...
The story takes place in January, but its the Summer Sun Celebration.
<3
The Luna parts were what made me cry from laughing so freaking hard... Just Priceless!
Great start to things.
Blueblood the biggest douche ever.
I think that's meant to be quite. This seems like a solid start, though.
This is amazing. I mean it, this is fraking great
3348877
Whoopsie, changed the date to work it better. You never saw that.
3350295
Thanks for the spot, fixed.
3348877 January is summer for me, so HA!
Egophiliac is a HER?
Well, I feel stupid.
3351110
Allowed.
you said that Fleur was Prench..... I might be wrong, but i think you meant a different nationality of a similar name
i like it so far, keep it up and see about stuffing a bit more into every entry
3352051 Nah, man, she's Prench. You know, from Prance?
I'm enjoying it so far.
3352166
My most sincere apologies, I completely forgot about the Prench. I should go review my geography again
Great story so far! I spotted a few mistakes (which I can point out to you if you'd like), however, so give it a quick run-through with an editor or a keen eye and you'll be all set!
And poor Copper Hand... having to deal with
BlueballsBlueblood...3353378
Thanks, and feel free to let me know.
"I was quiet content being a baker."
Was that a League of Legends reference?
3355584
so if it was a reference then it was literally a happy accident.
Honestly, I've never played League
"I really don’t think it could get any worse than it could’ve today."
LET ME QUOTE A LINE FROM A STORY I READ BEFORE
"HE WASN'T JUST TEMPTING FATE, OH NO. THE GOOD CAPTAIN ACTIVELY SEDUCED AND WAS MAKING WEIRD SWEET HARD LOVE TO IT"
that is all...
i fully expected him to give Berry Punch a high five for being so awesome.
where is entry 9? I can only find entries 6, 7, and 8.
3379027
Whoops! Fixed now. Thanks for the spot
3379036 your welcome
Huh, when I saw the line about Luna's guard, I totally thought he was going to be specifically added because he was willing to tell Luna what she wanted to know no matter how embarrassing it was for both of them.
Huh.
Jeeze, did Shining find how his girlfriend was cheating on him, or something? He seems like he's taking his job way too seriously. I mean, if the princesses can't handle them selves in a fight, what chance to the guards have?
It's all fun and games until it starts burning when you pee, Copper.
He just gets better and better! Kinda hoping he meets up with "the girl with the sweet arse".
Looks like things are looking up for copper, I can't wait to see his life turn to shit again.
3351110
Same here mate!!!
Bahahaha. Nice.
I feel, odd. This story is, I just can't. Hahahaha!
More metal to you, man!
keep it up, this story is great!
oddly enough 3 faces come into mind that could match the Captain's expression
reactionface.info/sites/default/files/imagecache/Node_Page/images/1310483866536.jpg
fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/184/7/2/omg_wtf_face_by_chibigo_chibisaki-d55vec0.jpg
3.bp.blogspot.com/-qcvQyzoSbIE/UErwk2czowI/AAAAAAAAAiA/8sPZ2BxnFjY/s1600/OMFG.JPG
3374715 You hyper-evolved, futuristic thundermonkey.
I suspect that the captain was quitting BECAUSE of what Copper claimed to have done.
After that Grandma story... I can never have sex again!