• Published 14th Oct 2013
  • 3,637 Views, 126 Comments

Journal of a Royal Guard - Mr101

"Be a royal guard, mother said... do your part for the kingdom, mother said... I'm sure you won't have to deal with evil princesses, chaotic gods, stuck up princes, troublesome brats and failed invasions! I hate my job...

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Entries 18-19

August 3rd 1DR

Been a couple days since I made an entry, nothing really happened and I didn’t feel like making any. But damn that Captain, making today like this.

Oh, it’s not a bad thing, don’t get me wrong. It’s just since that night all I could think about was the evening running up to when she kissed me. Which meant, I wasn’t one hundred percent focused on my duties.

So, yeah. Some shit happened.

Well, to start off with. I slept through my alarm due to a rather… racy dream I was having about Moon Dancer.

Can you really blame me, though?

So after that, I rushed getting all of my gear and what not on and in the process I missed, somehow, my gauntlets and my boots as well as my helmet. Which instead of, I was wearing a toy helmet.

Not one hundred percent why I have it, or where the hell I even got it from. But that’s besides the point. The point is I turned up to inspection in me bloody socks and with a toy helmet on.

Thankfully, or should I say, mercifully, I was so late that it was only me and Captain Moon Dancer.

So I only got a punch to the gut that winded me for a few minutes, nothing to majorly.

She thought it was somewhat amusing and decided to ease of me a little and allowed me to quickly go back to the changing rooms and swap out the toy helmet as well as grabbing my boots before giving me my duties.

Well, I say ease off. She did the exact opposite.

Blueball guarding again tomorrow. Whoopee.

Though, frankly, that woman could spank me over her lap as punishment for all I bloody care. Rather have that then guarding the prick of all pricks, but can’t have it all.

And to be fair, I kinda had it coming. Someone of my rank does need to step up and show some kind of leadership responsibility… thingy.

The day itself wasn’t too bad, I guess. I don't’ actually really remember much about it to be quite honest due to the fact I was… distracted, and kept drifting off to my happy place. Which is my local boozer with a certain sultry Captain bar wench serving me lots of sweet cider.

Damn it I can’t stop thinking about her, fuck her and her sexyness.

Which leads me to the next part of my day.

It’s soon going to be the Grand Galloping Gala. Still not sure why it’s called that, we’re not horses so why is it called ‘Galloping’?

Anyway, I decided that I was going to do something I haven't done since high school with a girl I was crushing on hard.

Ask Moon Dancer out.

I’m serious, I am going to do it. I checked it with Shining Armor, seeing as he’s a mate and hooked me up with it.

Oh yeah, I should really mention that.

Since spending time with Captain Moon dancer, I’ve been meeting up more with Shining Armor and we’ve been reminiscing and fixing our friendship.

Long story short, as I briefly mentioned in an earlier entry. I dropped out of high school as my family moved away and we just drifted apart, was mainly my fault but these things happen.

Now, as I already mentioned, we were mates in high school and used to play Dungeons and Dragons, so I already know he’s solid. That, and that he’s an awesome Captain. But it turns out he’s still a fucking awesome guy in that sense because he’s still into comics, video games, dungeons and dragons the works.

Hell, we even came up with plans to get the old game going again which I cannot fucking wait for. It’s just going to be us two at first, just to ease back into it and then we’re going to go from there. Plus, during the catch up I got to know more about how he and Cadance hooked up and it was rather cute, proper little love story.

Though, I really should tell Shining that showing your mate’s a topless photo your girlfriend sent you on your phone, especially when she is a Princess is probably not a good idea in the long run. And I should probably never tell Moon Dancer that, less I get a beating.

Still, I’ve seen the tits of the Princess of Love. And fucking hell are they sweet.

Can my brother say that? No.

And neither will I, I will take that mental image to my grave.

I’m getting off topic.

Anyway, as I was saying, last night I met up with him and I might have drunkenly blurted out to him about my crush on her, and wanting to ask her out to somewhere special to make it official. And he said he could arrange it so that Moon Dancer and I would have the night the Gala is on, off, so I can give it a shot. Dude is seriously awesome.

Though, today I’m not so confident thanks to the lack of booze.

But I’m going to go for it. I’m going to ask her tomorrow, seeing as we’re meeting up for a drink after our shifts.

Just hope it goes according to plan…


August 4th 1DR

[The beginning of the entry has several sentences that are half finished and with scribbles through them as if there was a problem starting them].

Trying to write this entry… is hard.

Which is weird, because the day ended on one of the best things possible.

But, the first part of the day was just...

Was… just something else. Believe me.

Let me explain how I nearly got fired, got creeped out and quite possibly had the best thing ever happen to me, ever.

As I already mentioned, today I spent my time in the glorious company of everyone’s suck up Prince of pricks, Blueballs. And yes, you are correct in assuming that he was up to his usual bullshit antics.

A dick to the servants and guards, a fucking Godsend to the people.

I seriously cannot understand how he gets away with it, it’s actually a bit respectable.

I said a bit.

Anyway, he tells me that he is opening a new children’s park in the downtown part of Canterlot which he himself invested a lot of bits into. Probably for the attention, he mentioned some other stuff as well, but I wasn’t really paying it much attention.

And, like I said. He was all for the people as we got there. Smiling, laughing, getting my name correct and looking like the oh so perfect ‘Prince of the People’.

Give me a fucking break.

He even said that he is proud about how Equestria’s play parks are one of the things that children need to help them grow and blah blah blah.

Fuck me he must want to fuck his voice.

And what’s more damn irritating is I know for a Faust damn fact he hates children. Loathes them, in fact. His ideal place for them would be a boarding school in the middle of an island surrounded by man eating shark-o-diles. Don’t ask, he just made it up.

So, as a guy who likes kids because they are funny as fuck when they get hurt, and hey they have their adorable moments, it really pisses me off to see him so two faced about the whole thing. And judging by the agent's reactions, she seems to know about his hatred to.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention, the agent is still following me about. This time she was dressed in a black suit with sunglasses to match.


Anyway, after the little ceremony was completed, he happily stood for pictures and all that bullshit attention gaining stuff when a little kid, no older than eight I’d say runs up to him with a bit of paper. She had the biggest smile on her face and handed Blueblood the paper. She even squealed in happiness as he looked over it.

I peeked over his shoulder and felt my heart melt a little.

She’d gone and drawn a picture of the bastard and her holding hands at a tea party or something, both with crowns on smiling away. Least I think that’s what it was, sometimes it can be a little hard to understand what a kids’ drawn, you know? Either way, it was adorable and she was adorable for being so happy that he took it and thanked her for it.

Now, for a brief, brief moment I thought that he was going to be a nice guy about it.

But hey, a leopard never changes its spots and all.

After he had grown tired of the little post-ceremony he ordered me to accompany him back to the castle in order to have lunch.

No sooner were we out of sight, the fucking cunt took the picture, sneered at it scrunched it up before tossing it onto the ground.

I actually went numb inside.

‘Can you believe it? What an utterly terrible picture.’

His. Exact. Fucking. Words.

I just stared at him as he dusted his hands as I felt my anger start to rapidly rise and then, I just saw red.

And I lost it.

I… think I hit him, hard.

Like, pow!

Right in the kisser.

One minute, he was standing there, the next, he was on his arse holding his face and yowling.

I vaguely remember what I said to him after that, something along the lines of me being sick and tired of his two faced cuntish behaviour and that he was a complete arse fucker for doing that to someone who actually liked him.

I think I then chewed him out on his behaviour in general to everyone he looks down at, calling him so many names under the damn sun.

When I finally calmed down, I began to shit bricks, thinking that it was the end of my career and I had, excuse the pun, royally fucked up. I was thinking how much sucking up I was gunna have to do to Blueballs in order to keep him shushed up.

But then the weirdest thing happened.

I mean like… fucking spooky weird shit.

He was just staring at me with… starry eyes and was, like, full on blushing.

Like… what the arse?

I sorta just stared at him as he stared at me with his eyes full of wonder. That or something malicious, I dunno.

I coughed to break the awkward silence and offered him my hand up as well as making several apologies. He simply… giggled.

He took my hand and pulled himself up, and on purpose, fell onto me so I had to catch him which sent a weird shudder down my back as he clung to me.

He… ‘thanked’ me for opening his eyes and promised he would be…

Sorry, I still shudder thinking about it.

A ‘good little boy’, before walking on ahead humming and having a bounce to his step.

What. The. Ass?

I don’t think I’ve ever been more fucking confused and terrified and creeped out in my entire life! Like, what the hell got into him? Maybe he’s just a secret masochist?

I mean, the hell do I know anymore!? For all I know I gave the guy a concussion and he’s in major need of medical attention because his personality changed or something. Damnit, Faust, I’m a guard not a doctor! Seriously, the hell do I know anymore!?

It’s just fucking creepy.

And he kept calling me ‘Coppy’ all the way back to the castle, which is not going to get annoying, and kept trying to get as close to me as he could. And please Faust, don’t fucking let Dewdrop hear him call me that, lil fucker will probably copy him.

Oh well… at least I didn’t get fired, for now. So there’s that, I guess.

Anyway, creepy shit aside. The day carried on as it normally did. We got back to the castle and he giggled at me again before he waved me farewell as he went off to have lunch and I was re-assigned to patrol duties with one of the newer Solar guards.

Solar Flare, I think. Original name, I know.

Guy kept bugging me about why Blueblood was acting like he was and wouldn’t accept that I had no idea. Little prick thinks there’s a deeper meaning behind it all. I told him to mind his own damn business and to leave it as we continued our patrol.

Though… the smirk he gave me was unsettling.

Something bads going to happen. Isn’t it?

The remainder of the day was boring as fuck and nothing happened so I’m not gunna go on about it. Just the beginning bit had any real substance before the best part of the day.

So, as you know, I was planning to ask Moon dancer to the Gala and was shitting bricks about it. Well, after my shift was over and done and I ignored all the the snickering and odd looks the other guards were giving me. I went off to the local bar where I had arranged to meet up with the Captain to wind down and shit.

I get there, and she’s already waiting and grins seeing me and calls me over. I try to act all cool like, pretending I’m not excited.

Which I failed miserably because my fucking mouth don't know when it should or shouldn't smile like a fucking dumbass. But I digress. Anyway, we start shooting the breeze, I’m trying to act all calm and cool and shit when she starts talking about the Gala.

I’m like, being cool and stuff so I pretend not to show much interest, seeing if somehow she might ask me over asking her. That would have been bitching. But she doesn't, instead she says that she’s thinking of asking the Solar Guard Lieutenant, Iron Clad, if he fancied going to the Gala. She spent a good five minutes going on about how handsome he was and how strong he was and how every woman would love to be with him at the Gala.

And… I felt my heart shatter nearly, and because I’m a complete moron. I suddenly blurted out if she wanted to go with me or not.

The silence that followed was unbearable. Maybe because I… kinda shouted it at her, which caused everyone to look at me.


Anyway, I sorta got flustered and apologized, before making a quick exit and leaving the bar. I remember that I started to bang my head against the wall and berating myself for being a complete tool when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I turn around and it’s Moon Dancer, who is struggling not to laugh. I ask her what’s funny and she cracks up, giving me a more than hard smack on the back before pulling me into her with one arm around my neck and giving me a noogie to the head.

Apparently, Shining decided to tell her my plans because he cannot keep a damn secret to save his life, so she thought she’d mess with me a little and pretend to consider going with someone else.

Real fucking funny.

But honestly, I don’t care because you know what?

She said yes.


I’m going to the greatest fucking party Equestria throws. With my fit as fuck Captain as my date.

And the best fucking part? Although she wants to go slow with it, she wants us to be official. I don’t mind that, not one bit.

We still have to be professional whilst on duty and during so she is still my superior, though she is that in all damn aspects, which is fine and just boss. For once in my life things are truly going my way! I still can’t get my head round it!


Something is going to go terribly wrong, isn’t it?


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Comments ( 12 )

Something is going to go terribly wrong, isn’t it?

You have no idea m8.

I really hope nothing to terrible happens. But if I had to guess, I'm thinking Blueblood is going to do something and fuck everything up.

Yeah, probably.

Looks like Copper's day is going well so far. Not looking forward to stalker yandere Blueballs though.

apparently Blueballs has an S&M fetish and is also, possibly, Gay.

yea, that would be really bad.🔫

And I should probably never tell Moon Dancer that, less I get a beating.

That would be wise.

What. The. Ass?

Excellent question. I'd love to know.

Something is going to go terribly wrong, isn’t it?


Enjoy the story, could not give a flying fuck about the main character though, no offense to your writing. One of the things I hate most is douchebag/ arrogant people and he falls quite heavily into that category.

I fucking love this story.

Poor Copper. Hell is coming.

I didn't except to enjoy this fucking story so god damn fucking much, but I fucking did.

Please come back and update this story! Funny as hell and I really want to know where life takes Copper in the up coming seasons.

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