• Published 14th Oct 2013
  • 3,634 Views, 126 Comments

Journal of a Royal Guard - Mr101



"Be a royal guard, mother said... do your part for the kingdom, mother said... I'm sure you won't have to deal with evil princesses, chaotic gods, stuck up princes, troublesome brats and failed invasions! I hate my job...

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Entries 4-5

June 29th, 1 DR

Been a week or so since I last made an entry, mainly because there has been bugger all going on. Since my… time, with princess Luna, I’ve literally just been on bog standard guard duty. Stand in corridor A and look like I hold importance, followed by lunch, followed by stand in corridor T and look like I hold importance.

Wonders of being a guard.

Yeah, I know that it wasn’t going to be all battles and damsels in distress like you see in comics and such. But by god is this boring, I mean, more boring than I thought it was possible! So that’s been my first few days of being a guard, standing in corridors, being upstaged by six girls - one with a fantastic arse - and being verbally assaulted into the wall.

Best of all, the other guards won’t shut the fuck up about it. Virtually every single moment they can get they will say shit like ‘look out, here comes princess Luna!’ or they’d simple shout at me as loud as they could when I got back into the barracks. And naturally, they laugh, I laugh and then I die a little inside…

I sent a letter to my parents the other day and basically fed them a spoonful of bullshit about how much I was enjoying the job and how much of a difference I thought I was making and blah, blah, blah. I especially took care in not to mention my cock up with the princess on both counts.

But, I guess I can’t keep complaining I suppose. I have to keep a stern and emotionless expression pretty much at all times, professionalism and all that according to the Captain. Like any of the nobles would give us lowly guards the time of day anyway, I could be flipping the bird and they wouldn’t even notice. You know, unless I smacked them in the face first.

Tomorrow will be interesting though, I’m getting a new assignment which apparently is me being the guard to a high ranking noble. The other guards seem to be happy I’m getting it which is odd, still, sucks to be them when they see me escorting a sexy Lady of the court and they’re not.

~Copper


June 30th, 1 DR


I’m really beginning to think that the princesses and the Captain despise me, I truly am. Let me tell you why.

So I get up nice an early, earlier than I usually do, and get myself looking very presentable. Quick shave, brush the teeth thoroughly, comb my hair etcetera and heck I even had a salad for breakfast so I could avoid belching by accident. After I gave my armor a good polishing, I headed out with a confident smile on my face to see who I was going to be guarding.

Sadly, it wasn’t going to be a woman, rather, a man. That isn’t what I had a problem with, it still would have meant I could have tried a little bit of brown nosing in order to make my life better. What I have a problem with is who it was.

Prince Blueblood.

Now, I know what you’d be thinking. I should’ve been honoured to guard a Prince for the day and well, you’d think that as did I. I mean, Blueblood is the talk of the town usually about how nice he is to the townsfolk.

Well, he ain’t nice to the guards, or the maids, or the butlers, or the kitchen staff, or anyone he deems to be under him so basically everyone in the fucking castle.

Seriously, how the fuck did the town paint him as some form of hero? The guy is a complete and utter arsehole! It didn’t start off too bad, I met him in the throne room and introduced myself and he smiled and gave me a list of things he was planning to do that day. Well, I say list, but the thing must’ve been well over fifteen pages long.

So we leave the palace and go into the grounds where he was going to have morning tea with a couple of the local nobles, I think they were called Fancy Pants and Fleur De something or rather I don’t know it was Prench. That wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but it was really annoying the way he treated me like a bloody butler. I’m a royal guard, not a butler. And despite me telling him my name, he kept mispronouncing it. How hard is it to say Copper Hand.

‘More tea, Creeper Hand.’

‘Don’t stand there like an idiot! Raise the shade up, Cropper Hole.’

‘My aunt doesn’t pay you to stand there like a simpleton, Cooper Hale.’

I must have ground my teeth into near dust with the amount of grinding I was doing trying to not lose my temper. Every Time that stuck up, arrogant prick opened his mouth to speak it sounded like nails on a chalkboard, I swear whenever he speaks, a kitten dies.

After the delightful tea, I had to escort his royal dick headedness into the town in order to overlook some public projects that were happening. And what really got on my nerves about that was how his personality suddenly shifted from this arrogant jerk-off to a happy go lucky man of the people, seriously, how does no one else see him for what he really is?

Oh and get this, he actually used my name when we were in public. But I could clearly tell he was often struggling to actually remember it, which added more to my hatred of the guy.

Soon after he was done whoring himself out for publicity - thats all it actually was - we returned to the castle for lunch. Now, I was expecting to be relieved of duty so I was able to go and eat my own lunch or at least, join the Prince but no. I had to stand by his side as I was forced to go hungry.

Okay, maybe that was a little lie, I wasn’t actually left to go hungry. The Prince decided to use me as a taster and made me nibble every bit of his food, which I suppose wasn’t to bad, but by god why does rich people food taste like shit? Is it meant to be that bad?

After that delightful luncheon, we had to go to the council rooms were princess Celestia and Luna were having a meeting with some of the griffin ambassador or something. I have to admit it was rather funny to see princess Luna see me and blush, that’s never getting old.

But again, like a cat in a blender, my good mood wasn’t to last. No sooner had he sat his royal arse down, he acted as if he was the one in charge of the damn meeting. I mean, there is arrogance and then there’s his arrogance.

I think I wasn’t the only one there who thought this. I could tell from the looks of the other guards in there - even the griffin ones- he was pissing them off hell, I could’ve sworn I saw princess Celestia’s eye twitch a couple of times.

Thankfully, the end of the meeting signaled the end of my shift with the god awful bastard and a new task for tomorrow. I really don’t think it could get any worse than it could’ve today.

~Copper

Author's Note:

[Edited version to come] Any errors, feel free to let me know!

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