• Published 14th Oct 2013
  • 3,641 Views, 126 Comments

Journal of a Royal Guard - Mr101

"Be a royal guard, mother said... do your part for the kingdom, mother said... I'm sure you won't have to deal with evil princesses, chaotic gods, stuck up princes, troublesome brats and failed invasions! I hate my job...

  • ...

Entries 6-8

July 2nd, 1 DR

It’s been two days since I had to spend that awful time with Blueballs and I think I’ve gotten over it. Thankfully, he had to go out of town to Manehatten on ‘urgent’ (I’d like to think that Princess Celestia was just getting rid of him for the day) royal business, and since I’m still a newbie in the eyes of the Captain, one of the veterans went with him instead.

Poor bastard, I hope he survived the day.

Anyway, there’s going to be some new changes around here apparently, now that Princess Luna is back. According to the Captain, the Princess used to have her own guard that was disbanded when she became Nightmare Moon, so now, she’s getting her guard back.

Which means, there’s going to be a few new recruits joining in a few days in order to be apart of her guard as well as some of the Solar veterans joining it. I haven’t been selected but I think this is due to the incident involving my… ‘brilliant’ explanation of pornography.

But back to today. Once again, my day has been filled with guarding a generic corridor from anyone who dared to try and … disturb the peace I guess. Ah well, at least it gave me a chance to have a sneaky fag.

Nothing beats the rush of a drag from a smoke I’ll tell you that! Well… maybe an ice cold tankard of cider.

Tomorrow looks promising as well, given I have tomorrow night off, as well as the 4th. I plan to go and visit some mates down in Ponyville and catch up with them, get drunk, play cards the usual routine. Plus, it gives me a chance to find out the name of the girl with the sweet arse, who knows, could get lucky.


July 3rd, 1 DR

So… the captain gave me an ear bashing this morning. Apparently some fucker ratted me out after seeing me have a craft smoke. And sheesh was the captain angry.

I mean, he was furious when me and the others cocked up guarding Princess Celestia during the summer sun celebration - which, by the way, was totally justified - but by god he was really going for it this time. He was acting if I’d just been caught wanking or something. I dunno, guess he was on his man period. I sort of just tuned him out like last time and imagined he was being ripped apart by a pack of timberwolves this time.

That doesn’t make me bad imagining that, right?

Anyway, after another spit bath that was my telling off, he informed me that when I got back from my days off I was to report to the janitor and scrub Princess Celestia and Luna’s bathrooms as well as Prince Blueball’s. Whilst this isn’t that bad, its still a pain in my arse.

At least I won’t get blasted into a wall by ‘the voice’ again thats for certain.

And anyway, at least it’s actually something to do, rather than just standing around trying to look like I hold some form of importance around here. Plus, I might get to work alongside the maids and some of them are fine as fuck.

I’m going to leave my journal here when I leave later, don’t want to run the risk of losing it in town. I’ll add some entries based on how my time off goes.


July 4th, 1 DR

I fucking love my life. I really do.

Like, seriously, I woke up to the best thing that every man has ever wanted.

A sexy, curvy, naked woman.

So basically, I got to my mates house towards the late afternoon yesterday and we hung out for bit at his place, played some cards, chatted a bit etc. He also showed me around the town properly seeing as I now had a chance to see it for all its worth and I have to admit, when its not under attack from a crazy evil moon goddess it’s a really beautiful little town.

Think I might retire here one day.

After walking around the town, we met up with our other friends who had gotten off work early and had the night off like myself and headed towards one of Ponyville’s best night clubs.

Club 34.

Better still, DJ-Pon3 was there that night. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a club that lively before.

And that’s where it started to get better for me.

After about ten minutes of dancing I went to grab me and the guys a drink when I met this woman at the bar, pretty thing, shoulder length hair and knee length dark pink dress that snugged around her arse like you wouldn’t believe. I got chatting with her and found out her name was Berry Punch.

I gave the guys their drinks and bought me and Berry some more and we continued chatting, I found out she also had the night off as well as the following day and was unwinding with some of her friends who I got to meet. I think they were called Colgate, Lyra and Bon-Bon.

We got dancing and generally were having a fantastic time. We made each other laugh. About three hours of this, we were both were pretty pissed off our skulls when she suggested we go back to her place, which I was more than happy to do so.

We stumbled throughout the town laughing as we did and I remember she kept groping my arse which only drove my arousal sky high.

Her house wasn’t that bad to be honest. A nice simple two story building near the edge of the town. But honestly, I wasn’t really there to admire the architecture.

We hadn’t gotten halfway up the stairs before the clothes were coming off and by god, I nearly lost it when she took her bra off.

Annoyingly, it’s… kinda blurry after that. But I remember waking up and seeing her cuddling with me, she woke soon after and smiled claiming. And I quote.

‘Best. Fuck. Ever.’

My brother can go suck it!

We had breakfast and chatted a fair bit after that and I have to admit, she’s a pretty awesome woman. She runs a wine bar not to far from her home with another of her friends and they take turns managing it, she also has a kid called Pinchy who was currently staying with her grandparents for the weekend.

I felt kind of bad though because I was going into this just as a one night stand, but that’s where the day just got better and better. She said to me, and again, I quote.

‘I’m not really looking for a relationship right now, just someone I can have fun with from time to time. That’s not a problem is it?’

I think I heard a chorus of angels singing when she said that.

I told her it was fine and we exchanged details, and promises to meet up again at some point and with that, I headed back to my mates house to tell him the good news.

After he requested the highest of fives, I had lunch round his before heading back to Canterlot in order to go back to work the next day. I knew I was going to be starting my punishment for smoking on duty tomorrow but frankly, I couldn’t give a toss.

Hell, I couldn’t give a damn if it was going to be a hard days work. I was in just too good of a mood to care!

Did I mention I got laid?


Author's Note:

[Edited version to come] Any errors, feel free to let me know!

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!