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Admiral Biscuit


The hard life pegasus among stupid bipedal cornstalk


T
Source

This story is a sequel to Celestia Sleeps In


After the accidental discovery of humans, Celestia tasked Lyra with learning about Dale's culture and Dale's language. Two meetings later, a misunderstanding caused Dale and a Coast Guard woman to be inadvertently transported to Equestria. With the two humans hospitalized and communication limited at best, the Equestrians just want to heal them, while back on earth the Coast Guard wants nothing more than to determine what happened to one of their sailors.

Chapters (30)
Comments ( 3533 )

it appears the down-vote demon already got here and he brought a friend:facehoof:

Admiral Biscuit...

This is awesome and you should feel awesome.

I really should have been doing other things, but I just couldn't not read this instead. I regret nothing. What I do do is cringe at the thought of Kate's punctured lung and the only available medical services being from ponies who don't know what they're doing. :fluttershysad:

I know, right? When I clicked on it after submission, there was already one downvote.

Hey dude. It got featured, brah. This shiz is featured.

Gratz. Now to read.

3230995

Well, they have X-rays and they have a witch-doctor and a vet . . . I've been to hospitals with less. And, I might add, my ex-girlfriend who's a consulting vet on this story probably could have done a better job fixing my finger than the plastic surgeon who tried.

3230998

I almost fell out of my chair. . . first Celestia Sleeps in with a Vengeance, now the feature box. Maybe I'll buy a lottery ticket and submit to EqD; see if I can get REALLY lucky.

3231017

Probably because the first chapter was so good...
Are you ever going to do away with the language barrier? I hope to high heaven you're going to. It'll get so interesting at that point.

Anyway, fav'd and liked. Looking forward to more. I also read the last chapter of Celestia Sleeps In, and I'm not surprised by the amount of work that went into that fic, and this one.

You deserve the feature, and I think this is going to be great.

3231063

Well, of course the language barrier is going to go, eventually. In fact, when I was home last weekend, my mother and I were talking about language development, forming complex sentences, and improper usage (such as pluralizing things with "-s" or figuring "-ed" is the past tense of every word). She's a linguist--speaks six or seven languages--and has been one of my go-to's with all the linguistic questions.

3231084

Good. Hopefully, it doesn't take too long. I can only imagine the BARRAGE of questions once it's gone.

Also, I'm glad you're not doing it through magic, and you're doing it in a more interesting way- though, to be completely honest and fair, it's unrealistic, as I'm sure your mom as told you. It doesn't seem that an equine form/mouth could say the same things that we do, to put it simply. I only know english and I'm certainly not an expert, but that seems how it would really be, right?

Anyway, yeah. Loving the story. It's interesting that you're going all the way with it like this.

well now that I've had a chance to read this and your whole spiel at the end of the last story I foresee nothing but good things coming from this trilogy.

3231017

There is no harm in trying. Note they completely changed their system and no longer give editing hints, just a cryptic laundry list. On the plus side the queue is far shorter and quicker.

3231123

I'll do it this weekend; I'll probably also send them Celestia Sleeps in with a Vengeance. We'll see which gets approved first :pinkiehappy:

this is great, when i was "celestia sleeps in" had completed i was like :pinkiegasp: but then i saw the link and was like :pinkiehappy: this is a really awesome read!

why is this a sequel? thats the part i don't understand. you've simply moved to the next act of the play, not a separate story.

Liked and favourited.

Will be interesting to see how this develops.

3231273

I scratched my head and couldn't think of a better term to use, since there isn't an overarching "name" to the series. I suppose I could go back to J. R. R. Tolkien or George R. R. Martin (proving that if I ever want to be a high-fantasy author, I need to change my middle name to R. R.) and title it after the first 'book,' in which case it would be the "Celestia Sleeps In" series; alternately, I could use the fanfiction conventions and call it "the Daleverse" or the "Celestia-Sleeps-Inverse."

Anyway! It's the second story of a trilogy; hence the description.

This time, instead of being a butt and collecting typos and comments for later, I will post 'em by the chapter (hopefully).
(Edit: Typos addressed.)
I'm unsure about this being the start of a new book in the trilogy, but it'll do, I suppose. I can't think of anything better myself. :unsuresweetie:
Something to note is that switching perspectives between paragraphs can be very confusing, though I've been able to follow along so far. One of those lines across the page (a section break?) or at least an extra space would be appreciated when transitioning between characters.

“I don’t know what went wrong.”

:derpyderp1: "That's my line! Well, almost."

3231369

"things" is fixed (that line was commented on by a pre-reader, too: I originally mis-spelled "functional" as "fictional"); so I don't know how I missed it. I blame the parasprites.

"shouty-meany pants" I'll let that one slide. It's a quote from Pinkie, after all. She's not always the best when it comes to grammatical correctness.

This and Arrow 18 are tied for best HiE story in my book. :pinkiehappy: Keep up the good work!!!:yay:

3231007

And yet, even with x-rays and things the ponies seem woefully unprepared for a critically injured and extremely scared set of aliens. Where's an insert of your ex-girlfriend when you need someone compete... Oh. Zecora? :rainbowlaugh:

Also -

they have a witch-doctor

www.witchdoctorzecora.com? I really should sleep because the first place my mind went was Zecora standing over Kate with a creepy goat-skull staff while chanting, "Arise, Kate. Arise!" Too weird.

3231448

Thank you so much! Arrow 18 was one of my major inspirations; it's great to be seen in such lustrous company!

3231452

You just keep giving me better and better mental images . . . it's kind of terrifying. But awesome.

3231097

Also, I'm glad you're not doing it through magic, and you're doing it in a more interesting way- though, to be completely honest and fair, it's unrealistic, as I'm sure your mom as told you. It doesn't seem that an equine form/mouth could say the same things that we do, to put it simply.

I'm pretty sure she used words like "hopeless" and "I wouldn't know where to begin."

Just based on size, I figured a couple octaves different would be entirely plausible. And, that's not even getting into body language, or scent--which IRL is a way many species communicate, wholly or in part.

Speaking of happy coincidences, one of these days I'm gonna add another one-shot to Not Another Human in Equestria where the human suffocates in the non-breathable Equestrian atmosphere.

This new addition to the Dale saga pleases me greatly, but the title of the story now has me worried that there are going to be approximately zero snoozing Celestias. Still, it is a sacrifice I'm willing to concede.

Something to be said for trial and error, we knew Kate wouldn't be sleeping for much longer. Queue fantastic freak out!
A constriction magic spell would probably cost more in terms of energy, but the mattress may prove to much for her shocked system. We estimate her survivability potential down to 37 percent now.
It's a shame she had no chance to eat, that certainly won't help things at all...
For some reason as the last scene was running I couldn't help but picture this with the cast of House arguing all over, shuffling charts and throwing outlandish suggestions around.
Great, now Pinkie is in danger of going into freak out mode too, but hopefully the mess in the hospital won't deter her from finding the silver lining here.
It's unfortunate that a traumatic event was necessary to snap Dale out of his stupor, but hopefully he can start taking charge now.
...
Wow, it's been a while since I made so many comments, does this mean you're off to a good start? Hopefully so!
We hope it's not just a trilogy, as it feels more like an arc due to the lack of a major jump (time or character) between sections.
Speaking of characters, what's going on with Trixie? It's been, what, a week world time since we've heard from her, I'd like to know how her mental progress is moving...
Keep going! ;)

CBE

Hoo-yah puddle pirates!

3231894

That's the same problem that plagued Shachza.

Did you see my spin-off Celestia Sleeps in with a Vengeance? It's loaded with sleeping Celestia.

3231599

Did you ever read mood wings? It was a shortish 9k one-shot on the body language of pegasi from an outside perspective (twilight).

3232493

I did! Dale's probably going to be making some similar observations, once he starts to wander around Ponyville.

3232550

Personally I think what is going to get Dale into more trouble is cutie mark fascination. I would figure that is one of those zones where more than a cursory glance would get you into trouble.

Keep up the good work, I always look forward for when you update this story line.

3231599
Frankly, there are so many convenient coincedences, I have to wonder if they're really coincedences at all :trixieshiftleft:
But seriously, with all the similarities between equestrian life and earth life, I'd be surprised if contact hadn't been happening all the way up to a few hundred years ago.

Kate backed away from her bed, carefully keeping clear of splinters of table. She held her injured right hand slight behind her back,

slightly

The Coast Guard might not have spent as much time on firearms training as the Army and Marines did, but she was still a damn good shot.

I think "shooter." would be better here.

I also noted down some small typos in Celestia Sleeps In.
Post them here or PM?

3232835

slightly

I'll fix that when I get home

I think "shooter." would be better here.

Shooter's probably grammatically correct, but in my neck of the woods, people usually say they're a good shot.

I also noted down some small typos in Celestia Sleeps In.
Post them here or PM?

Whichever's more convenient for you.:pinkiehappy:
I appreciate my sharp-eyed readers

3233151

I agree -- you are a good shot. A shooter is usually something happening at a crime scene.

I almost forgot one thing I wasn't too thrilled with - the amount of perspective shifts.

Lyra then Bonbon
Dale
Twilight
Lyra
Redheart/Goodall 3rd person?
Kate then Lyra then Dale then Kate then Dale

The switches separated by "then" are particularly jarring because they occur between paragraphs with no indication other than the next sentence leading with the new perspective's name. There is also overlap in some of the shifts - Kate takes a swing just in time for Lyra to take over, save Dale, and pin Kate, but then Dale takes over from before Kate's swing and runs up until Lyra releases Kate - which adds redundancy that, at least in this chapter, I think is unnecessary.

The back and forth (minus the overlap) would fit wonderfully in an action movie, but it's awfully confusing in writing. I would try and pare it down to only those perspective shifts that are necessary to really keep the drama flowing.

3233907

You're right . . . and it was even worse before editing. I think some of the perspective shifts were supposed to have line breaks that didn't come through.

I'll try to rein in my tendency to jump perspectives.

Off the plane without a parachute, and the only thing to catch the girl is a bit of mystical mojo. Lovely.

So it's a sequel, but you didn't link to the other story, you just mentioned it...

I hate you.

Oh yes. Been waiting for this part of the story. :D HiE done well, for once. Bravo. :pinkiehappy:

Rorschach? ozymandias? :rainbowderp: now someone has to make a pony fict of watchmen :pinkiecrazy:

3232601

Personally I think what is going to get Dale into more trouble is cutie mark fascination. I would figure that is one of those zones where more than a cursory glance would get you into trouble.

That's a thought. I've read a few fics where that's the case (Memoirs of a Reality Jumper comes to mind), and there's a sort-of consensus that touching a cutie mark is either a social taboo or an invitation.

I have noticed that even when they're wearing clothes, they very rarely cover their cutie marks. Personally, I think it's because they're such a mark of identity, a taboo has grown up around covering them--maybe it's something that's only done for certain special occasions, or maybe it's almost a religious thing, like the opposite of a burqa.

Of course, since they rarely cover the back half of their bodies, that could just be overanalyzing.

Given their clothing-free lifestyle, I think there's a large bit of social structure built up around intent, perhaps more so than on Earth. I haven't spent any time with an actual nude culture; the closest I've come is weekend forays to nudist camps, where there does seem to be a little less physical contact than in 'normal' society. On the other hand, I've noticed that women tend to be more touchy then men. I've been in very few groups where men hugging is considered normal, for example. Of course, as with everything there's so many layers of societal norms it's kind of hard to peel back the layers. In my theatre groups, men and women tend to be less inhibited when it comes to body contact, but is that because it's a theatre troupe, or is it just a reflection of the kind of people who participate in theatre troupes? We've seen in canon that the ponies will push each other with a head to the rump; that's certainly not something that would pass muster here on earth. Especially if neither party is wearing clothes!

The fact is, it's kind of hard to work out those subtle social clues. The Urinal Game tends to be fairly easy for guys to successfully complete, yet women usually do poorly, since the rules are so situational, and they're rules that a woman doesn't know. I tried to explain it to a former girlfriend, but sometimes it's hard to explain that kind of behavior in a way that doesn't sound like the ramblings of a madman.

To really add to the fun, there might be different rules that apply to different species--like Twilight was learning about in Mood Wings--just as there are cultural differences between different groups of people. Maybe it's ok to touch an earth pony's cutie mark, but not a pegasus', and maybe two unicorns can touch horns, but it's not okay for an earth pony to do that. There also could be gender roles thrown in: Ranibow doesn't feel that there's anything wrong with pushing Pinkie by the rump, but would never consider doing the same to Big Mac. There's at least some social rule (in Rarity's mind, anyway) against Spike seeing them dress, but seeing them nude, bathing and grooming in the spa, or clothed is totally fine.

3234823

You could try this: Send a heartbeat to.

I haven't read it, so I have no idea if it's good or not.

Well, I'm exhausted. I spent the entire day reading Celestia Sleeps In and this. Seriously, I started like, thirteen hours ago. About an hour for work today, food breaks obviously, and a bit of time with family, but most of the day was spent on this. Not intended! My initial plan was to read a few chapters today, a few more tomorrow, 'til I finally worked my way through. But here we are. It was long, very detailed-focus to the point that it seemed dragged out at parts, and a bit haphazard with the viewpoints... but damn if I couldn't put it down.

This is first contact done right. Honestly I haven't read any that haven't either handwaved the inherent difficulties with magic or just... not mentioning them at all... or otherwise spending one or two chapters on them and having that be it. I mean I get it, they've got their own story they want to tell, this sort of thing would normally get in the way... but it is super-refreshing to actually see it really looked into, with every difficulty and misunderstanding and problem that it would really have, and I love it. I am super looking forward to what happens now that we've moved off of Earth altogether, with a character who doesn't have the faintest clue about anything to boot. It's been a wild ride from what I've read today, and I'm sure as hell not ready to get off of it yet. Onward!

3235127

It was long, very detailed-focus to the point that it seemed dragged out at parts, and a bit haphazard with the viewpoints... but damn if I couldn't put it down.

I've read a few fics that way myself. "Just one more chapter," I say, and then it's three am. Project: Sunflower comes to mind. Agreed with the viewpoints--you're not the only one to comment on that. It doesn't help that the FimFiction interface doesn't always show double breaks (or soft breaks), and even occasionally seems to drop hard breaks (the horizontal line). I haven't found a good solution to that yet, I'm sad to say.

Honestly I haven't read any that haven't either handwaved the inherent difficulties with magic or just... not mentioning them at all... or otherwise spending one or two chapters on them and having that be it. I mean I get it, they've got their own story they want to tell, this sort of thing would normally get in the way... but it is super-refreshing to actually see it really looked into, with every difficulty and misunderstanding and problem that it would really have, and I love it.

I can only think of a few that spend a long time on the first-contact aspect: Arrow 18, Over the Edge and Through the Woods, Just Passing Through, and A Voice Among the Strangers. Personally, that's what I love in a first-contact fic. I hadn't expected that so many other people would love it, too! :pinkiehappy:

3231914

House arguing all over, shuffling charts and throwing outlandish suggestions around.

I could see Goodall as Dr. Cameron, Tenderheart as Dr. Chase, Coldhart as Dr. Foreman, and of course Dr. Stable as Dr. House. Maybe I was channeling a bit of that in the earlier scene were they were even thinking of catching a cockatrice to partially or wholly stone Kate.

Speaking of characters, what's going on with Trixie? It's been, what, a week world time since we've heard from her,

Technically, it hasn't been a day. She escaped, it was brought to Celestia's attention, then she got word that Dale and Kate had showed up in Equestria and they were taken to the hospital. This is the next morning. I know it feels like longer, because of the slow pace of the updates . . . but in story-time, not even 24 hours. Trixie is still asleep.

“I’d prefer to give ladanum,” --> laudanum

3235324

Good eye! That's what I meant . . . who knew that dropping the first 'u' would also spell a legitimate compound. :pinkiehappy:

I suppose they could have ladanum, too. Maybe they keep it on hoof if they need to fumigate.

3235301
Oh, only a day? Somehow my timeline is messed up or we lost the time references.
Day one, We had pictured Celestia waking up, with Twilight freaking out over her disappearance during the night before. Day one night, Luna had "pranked" the guard.
Day two, Luna explains her discomfort to Celestia, main six and company discuss the future of the portal and contact with Earth.
Day three Lyra's first day returned, and Celestia is researching on the effects of magic deprivation, meanwhile Trixie's corruption has gathered the dark crystal formations.
Day four Twilight and Lyra debrief with other ponies over the material Dave released them, Luna reveals her knowledge of stellar matters has more depth than current publicly available knowledge entails.
Day five, Lyra's second day, Trixie had freed herself from the restraining lock and made her way to Luna's chambers, meanwhile Dave and Co return unexpectedly and panic ensues.
Day six, Dave wakes up in a stupor, %Error:Interactions.PrimaryCharacters.section("Time6Interval") contains no data%, meanwhile Trixie is being attended to by Luna.
Day seven, Dave wakes up but is comoatose status as waking-protective-introversion, Kate wakes up in a panic.

Okay, so her escape was not a week ago even on our timeline, but apparently our timeline is not in sync with yours. :pinkiegasp:
Then again, it's not like I'm keeping a definitive record of these things, this was generated on the fly from impression storage, so it's very likely to be inaccurate. :facehoof:

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