• Member Since 14th Feb, 2012
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Stainless Steel Fox


A writer of various scribbles, I've recently become enamoured of Ponydom, and have done my limited best to write a few stories. I hope people enjoy them.

E

My attempt at a more serious 'Luna meets Neil Armstrong' storyline. What would really happen, both on the moon and on Earth? Inspired by 'The Eagle has Landed' by CyanBlackStone.

Princess Luna has found herself on a very different moon after some strange force interfered with her banishment. She doesn't know what the metal objects that keep orbiting and sometimes landing there are, but she wants to find out. Meanwhile, Neil Armstrong believes that being the first man on the moon will be the crowning achievement of his life. Hoo boy, is he ever in for a surprise.

For those who are interested, the most excellent Zanec has provided this link to an interactive Apollo 11 site.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 536 )

Liked, Faved, Watched. I need to see this story continue. :twilightsmile:

Wow! That was great! I read parts of the story that inspired you and have to say that this might have even more potential. I've got a hoof up and a fav for you!

This is really excellent! I hope you continue this tale!

Foxy, You are killing us. Yet another fabulous story for you to torment us with your tectonic update rating...
I love it, how can I not. But darn is it going to be difficult having patience to see what happens next.

Liked, and faved.
As what some people say, I hope your updating isn't slow enough its every month

Even if this stays a one-shot for all eternity, it's an incredible piece of work. Bravo, good sir. :moustache:

...Brilliant...
Fucking brilliant..

Even if this is just a one shot, I have to request a another chapter detailing a return trip. I must see Luna arrive on earth. All it has to be is the landing. it could end there as this is just so brilliantly done.

Hmm... so if I detonate a Tsar Bomba at the very moment of conjuction between our universe's brane and Equestria's... I can create a portal!

*You fool! You've given Alondro an IDEA!!! The death toll could be in the billions!* :pinkiecrazy:

We need more of this. Immediately!

Congratulations on getting featured Steel Fox.

May I ask why there is no Human tag?

This needs to continue, it's just too good!

The one person that downvoted this was obviously too stupid to understand the complicated words used in the story...

Arn

Love the story. Please continue.
But please consider......
You could still have Luna and the astronauts interact and never change a line of dialog. There was enough banter that day it could be assume someone was watching off camera, neigh, even holding the camera.:rainbowlaugh:

After all the Apollo crews had jobs to do, tightly scripted for safety margins, I imagine. Luna being a diplomate and a princess also being clever would have been able to help without being seen by the denizens of earth.

I am a little upset that she "helped" with equipment packs. The mission is one big experiment everything is being tested for future missions. If there is difficulty with equipment, it would be noted and steps would be taken for the ease of the next mission.

Alright, I want a whole lot fucking more of this. Lot of world-building going on, and your Luna is just wonderful.

And Neil gets points for knowing his Star Trek well enough to know 'not fucking the pony, sorry' to be the correct response to Kirk coming up.

*Some years later....*

"Sir, she's playing Tetris again."

"So what?"

"She's playing Tetris with the shipping freights."

This has my attention. :twilightsmile:

It seems a bit silly that the Tsar bomba would do something like that but the vastly more powerful sun wouldn't be a problem. Or the supermassive black hole in the center of the galaxy.

Can they carry Luna back? They weren't expecting a Hitchhiker. Maybe they'll have to make Luna wait for Apollo 12.

Good job making the featured box!

MUST MAKE MORE!!!!!! :twilightblush: Please. :pinkiesad2:

This was honestly amazing! This so deserved to be on the featured list! Please keep up this story because it is one the best stories I have EVER read! Also I loved the way you wrote it too. It helped a lot with he immersion. Love this story insta fav dis everybody!

thumbs up, fave, and watching the seconds tick by for the next chapter
13...
14...
15...

5071932 yup. Those machines they took to the moon were very, very barebones. They only took exactly what was needed. The extra weigh could throw off the controls, use more fuel then they can afford to, and then assuming that other stuff somehow worked, the reentry would be pretty rough and die-y.

Anyways, looking forward to the next chapter! I wanna see how luna reacts to human horrors such as the holocaust, WWII, etc.

Great job by the way!


I still find it amazing that the Apollo 11 mission used the computing power of a TI-83 and got to the frikin moon.

I really enjoyed this! And just when Im on my "first contact" story spree as well!

While I do have some issues, like how the astronauts did not really feel all that... surprised to see Luna. Kind of just accepted it, and was something I felt could have been something that could have been explored a bit more. Also the hug felt strange as it just does not feel rather wise to get in physical contact with a unknown entity, even if it was for comfort, in such a short time.
Other then that I'm very happy to see this kind of story, the conversations where good and interesting (maybe a bit too much raw information? Some stuff could be saved for later), Lunas reflections on what she sees is good and the time she has spent on the moon so far was appropriate. I really like this young version of Luna and her need for companionship and missing her sister etc.

Keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:

the story you got this idea from was good but yours ia better, and your knowledge of cold war events pleases me greatly.

5072157 I'm chalking that up to shock and training. Keep in mind that they are already landing on the moon; these are the guys that unlike the rest of humanity have seen the whole planet shrinking in the possibly-metaphorical rear view mirror. Half their training was probably to ensure they wouldn't just stand there gawking. So when they go to the moon and also meet a pretty pony princess ... they don't just stand there gawking.

Having said all that, now that Neil has started laughing I suspect he's going to find it hard to get himself back under control.

I really love this story that you are creating. It's very differently executed than the other story, which I am also following. It reminds me a bit of that Ender's game crossover ... Pericynthion? (...Yes.)

Nitpicks:
1. Its vs. it's
It has recently come to my attention that before the spread of contractions (i.e. "she had" --> "she'd") the possessive of "it" was given an apostrophe on its "s" just like other nouns. However, now that contractions exist, "it's" means "it is", and the possessive of "it" is "its". I notice that you do use contractions.

2. Neil speaks only of fission and not fusion, even though the the vast majority of the energy of the Tsar Bomba explosion was from its fusion reaction. I am chalking that up to Neil just saying the wrong thing, but if you didn't intend for this then you may want to change it.

3. It seems a bit odd to me that Neil jumped to the conclusion that when Luna said "if done improperly" she was implying that ponies could shield against a nuclear explosion, when I thought she simply was referring to not causing supercriticality by accident as well as shielding against the radiation while working with radioactive material. But possibly I missed something, and I guess it's not too bizarre a conclusion for Neil to jump to even if I didn't, since he's already trying to get used to magic.

4. I noticed a few instances where it appeared that you did not give parenthetical phrases an appropriate comma separation. Parenthetical phrases, like this one, are interjected into otherwise complete sentences. I believe it is generally up to the author whether to separate the phrase (which can be a single word) with commas, but it should always be either both or neither, not just one, unless there is a different grammatical reason to include a comma in that location.

5. More fun with apostrophes
The archaic contraction of "it was", "it will", "it would", etc. should be written 'twas, 'twill, 'twould, etc., since the omitted letter is to the left, not the right, of the T, just as we don't write "do'nt".
Additionally, I do not believe either canst or couldst should have any apostrophe at all.

Detailed nitpicks:

reflected from it's sun facing wall

its

the inclination of it's orbit

its

All that would hopefully resolved this time around.

I would definitely say "would be resolved", but your dialect may differ. (The classic example is to ask whether "The car needs washed" sounds like a legitimate sentence to you.)

planet , in

(extra space)

discern that it's form was

its

type,and

(missing space)

estimates of it's path

its

reach it's projected lowest point

its

She watched, fascinated as it glided towards her, floating with a tongue of flame flaring beneath it.

I believe there needs to be another comma after "fascinated".

It puzzled her, then she realised it was similar to the exhaust from a firework

This comma should be a semicolon.

as it's flame scoured the surface

its

It slowed, hovered for a moment and sank gently to the ground, coming to rest on it's four wide-spread legs.

its

beyond it's presence

its

It moved around a little, taking short steps, and using some large boxy object that had been lowered down after him.

Although a change from "it" to "him" could show a change in Luna's appreciation of the visitor, you revert to "its/it's" afterwards so I suspect this is a goof.

It's body-plan was closest to a minotaur, though there was no indication of large horns on it's head. The huge, blank golden eye that made up its face disturbed her slightly, as did it's wrinkled white skin and the tendrils that wrapped around it in addition to it's two stout arms. But after a few moments she realised this was probably not it's body

(Four instances where "it's" should be "its", and one where you already wrote "its" correctly.)

in that pack which the tendrils, or rather hoses attached to.

I believe there needs to be another comma after "hoses", although another possibility might be to have neither comma.

they could see it's large, intelligent looking eyes, and the horn peeking from under it's mane. Armstrong raised his sun shield to see it more clearly, and said, deadpan. “Houston, be advised, we have a unicorn.”

its
its
The period after "deadpan" should be a comma.

the look of interest that he'd seen on it's face when he raised his visor.

its

down to it's level

its

framing it's oversized eyes and the way it's long mane hung

its
its

Cans't thou understand me?”.The

Canst
(erroneous period where a space should be)

one more impossibility more or less

(too much space)

Yes, I can understand you, thought I don't know how.

though

T'was a simple matter of alchemy to break some of the rock into it's separate parts

'Twas
its

understandable,and

(missing space)

gave a courtesy with it's fore-legs

its

simply a exile

an
(extra space)

the hurt and worse, the resignation he heard

I believe there should be a comma after "and", or no comma after "worse" (though I like the first better than the second).

It tore my apart

"me"?

must have been the source on the interfering force

source of the

I have not the power to return, or to send myself forth from this orb.

Given Luna's archaic and formal speech, I'm surprised that she didn't say "nor" to indicate that the second part is also being negated. It's possible I am myself incorrect in thinking that that is the correct grammar ... but I doubt it.

it's circuit around it's sun? It's year?

its (three instances)

Tis none of your doing.” she replied, shaking her head and making her mane wave. “But my thanks anyway.”

'Tis
(If you use an apostrophe in 'twas, I think you should use it in 'tis for consistency.)
The first period should be a comma; strictly speaking, I think the second also ought to be, but as the author you may intend for Luna to be saying it as two distinct sentences instead.

A glowing window appeared in front of him showing a scene that would not have been out of place in a display on early medieval Europe, thatched single story cottages and cobbled roads in a verdant forested countryside, with a grey fairytale castle in the distance.

I believe that the comma after "Europe" should be a colon, or alternatively a semicolon.

Of course in medieval Europe, the inhabitants would

I believe there should either be another comma, after "course", or no comma after "Europe".

with a multicoloured mane and tail that seemed to float of it's own accord

(extra space)
its

T'was a small illusion

'Twas

illusions and conjuration, and to a lesser extent, abjuration

I believe there should be another comma after "and", or possibly instead of the one before it.

what alchemy they used produce such a vast explosion

used to produce

own,and

(missing space)
Tis
'Tis (for reason mentioned above)

t'would

'twould

But t'would make sense, such a powerful, concentrated explosion could breach the boundaries between dimensions

'twould
I think that the comma should instead be "that" (with no comma), but Luna may simply be speaking slightly ungrammatically, which characters are allowed to do.

I coulds't not promise

couldst

if I left it's influence

its

Capcom,you

(missing space)

I'll see if I can authorise a second moon walk, the suits seem to be performing well above minimum expectations.

This comma should be a semicolon.

T'would be easier for me to place a far-speaking enchantment on your helmets, if you would permit me. T'will last only a few hours

'Twould
'Twill

woulds't

wouldst

When I play a game and am faced with an unknown creature of eminence power that has been sealed away, and it asks me to free it. I say "no". Usually, it got put there for a reason.So why are they so ready to free her? She admitted to being able to create nuclear blasts and being imprisoned. She also said the only thing that keeps her from being able to nuke the world is being stuck on the moon. I know she would not do that, but they don't. They don't know anything about her and have an advantageous position as long as she is on the moon.

Also, why are they so trusting of her yet wiling to immediately cut the live feed? Also also, I don't think they would cut the feed. The whole of the American space campaign was public: its successes and failings. That always seems to be pointed out when it is compared to the Russian attempts.

Another thing: any human bomb is nothing, energetically speaking, on a cosmic scale. All of the weapons on Earth combined, are noting compared to the energy of the planet, which, in turn, does not compare to the energy of the Sun, which, itself, does not compare to other stars, none of which compare to the energy of pulsars; black holes; or supernovas. And none of those compare to galaxies or galactic clusters, or the energy of galaxies colliding, or the energy of the universe just existing. And a bomb is the thing that imbalanced the spell imprisoning Luna?

An astronaut should not refer to his or her commanding staff as "guys," ever.

One last thing: the problem of tacking her back to Earth on such a finely balanced ship is easily solved by a levitation spell assisting liftoff, return, and landing.

In reality, if Luna was on the moon and told humans she was EXILED there, I think humanity would flip a shit, and not hug the alien unicorn.

But its ponies, w/e, still a good story so far.

As much as I like this, it is unrealistic. The astronauts left their cameras behind because they weighed too much so they could make it back. A whole pony would destroy any chance they had of making it home.

That being said, Creative License is a wondrous thing. I look forward to reading more in the future! :twilightsmile:

5069068
Very much agreed, though I will hold off on the favoriting until at least another chapter comes out. But I will certainly say I'm enjoying this so far and have spotted no grammar issues (that I remembered by the end of the chapter; basically being how I would post said errors if they were blatant enough for me to notice). Keep up the great work!

5072157
All three crew members of Apollo 11 were extremely well trained. They are dealing with this complication like they were trained: by keeping a cool head and acting rational when confronted with the unknown. Freaking out or stammering about the impossibility of the situation would get them killed as astronauts.

Regarding the "wait, a silly little bomb should have caused that?" issue, two points immediately come to mind:

(a) First of all, that the Tsar Bomba actually was the cause of (or at least one factor of several in) Luna's dimensional displacement is highly speculative at this time. That it may sound plausible to all involved at first glance doesn't mean it can't yet turn out to be a red herring.

(b) Proximity matters. A firecracker going off in my hand is going to hurt me a lot worse than a nuke doing the same on the other side of the world, and the "cosmic scale" cited also applies to distance. Even the Sun is far enough away from the Earth that its light takes about eight minutes to get here -- compared to that, getting to the Moon is peanuts, to say nothing of anything still happening within our atmosphere itself. So if we do want to go with that explanation, an easy way to do it would be to have Luna's banishment trajectory from Equestria to its moon accidentally go right past (or even outright through) the local counterpart of the detonation site or even the exact point on Earth...

If my history is correct, didn't the Soviets land a failed (and unmanned) lunar probe on the Moon in an effort to beat the Americans there by a matter of two or three days? I'm wondering if Luna witnessed it early in the chapter as she was noting the other objects in the sky that were not following the same patterns as the stars and planets.

Here's the Wiki link in regards to the multiple lunar landings at the height of the Space Race.

It was truly a wonderous time...Heck, Star Trek was in its third season, wasn't it?

This is a delicious little story. I want to see how you interpret Soviet reactions to Luna's appearance on the moon (I'll bet they were aware...).

I'd love to see where this goes!:twilightsmile:

First time in god knows how long that I've read a story with humans in it and it's actually been worth reading.

Could use a prereader pass to catch grammar snags like FinalFan did, all those "it is" were distracting.
Overall much better execution than "The Eagle has Landed".

Finally, a story of this premise that's actually good. Really good actually, there are others like it but yours beats the pants off the others. :pinkiehappy:

5072432
Originally they recovered a bunch of moonrocks, so theres some spare (and Luna is, if they decide to bring her, probably considered more important than some rocks).
She is pretty small here still, and has magic and stuff. The weight wouldnt be the problem, the g forces and accelerations etc. on someone with no suit and no fitting seat may be.

5072871 The second half isn't a problem either, Luna has magic. If Twilight can cast a spell to reverse gravity, I think Luna can negate the g-forces.

+1 to alchemy skill due to the usage of the word phlogiston. :pinkiehappy:

Ah, a historical moment in an alternate timeline which we don't live in. Such bittersweet bollocks that is.

Still, a very enjoyable read.

5072566
5072220
Good points! and when seen from that perspective I can see what you mean and its not that odd after all. So I stand corrected :twilightblush: which is a good thing! as I now like the story even more!

Reads very well and I like the interactions between Luna and the astronaughts (is that spelt correctly?) Favourited for future chapters.

>Everyone calling it a one-shot
>Marked incomplete
:rainbowlaugh:

Already seen a story like this, but this one has better quality than the one I have seen. Please, continue. :rainbowkiss:

Love the Star Trek Reference.

She had taken tea with zebras, talked medicine with buffalo chieftains and mathematics with camels,

Discworld reference: spotted! :trollestia:

/sees Luna crying in kmage

All aboard the NOPE train!


(I don't like Ljna being banished)

Whelp I'm in. More please.

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