This! This is the kind of ending that's perfect!

He's accepted his lot, but doesn't forget what happened. And he wants to make sure the one person who screwed him over always remembers. Even after he's dead and gone, Celestia will be forced to remember. She'll remember him and how he got screwed over by her, and that she lost Twilight's trust.

And Twilight being reminded not to make people her pawns was the perfect touch!

Congrats on finishing the story. I did enjoy it.

I was half-expecting this to turn into a pre-Conversion Bureau story, with Twilight being in the know and responsible for Gerry's changes. Celestia would have been just going along and saying what Twilight wanted her to say. At the end, Gerry (and possibly others) memories would be tweaked make everyone believe Toffee was always a pony. From there, Twilight & Celestia going forth to expand on the concept to "save" all those other humans from sad lives, having learned from their work on Gerry.

I'm glad it didn't go that way though. It seemed more an allegory for dealing with whatever life throws at you, and moving on--an ultimately positive message. I relate this to situations in real life where people lose body parts, have diseases that affect the mind, and so forth.

My only regrets to reading stories like this is that they end.

Damn this hit like a trucj

a happy ending for toffie but i hope celestia isnt able to be fully happy at the end of the day.
as much is i wantid celestia to pay this was a nice finish and im happy it endid with toffie happy.
question if toffie accendid to alicorn would celestias entire reson for transforming her be void?

Absolute fucking bullshit. There is no acceptance or "adjustment" he was fucking forced againzt his will. He COULD have said fir her to fucking turn him back, but he didn't. And everybody knows the reason why he said for her to leave him as is is because she MADE HIM want what she wanted him to.

Ultimately where this fic fails is that the he never actually comes to terms and accepts his new life, it is fucking hammered into him by force overcoming all resistance, while his friends abandon him and the villian gets to get away scot free without feeling the smallest scrap of guilt.

An ending where the protagonist is an absolute failure at everything we were lead to wish him to suceed in is a terrible way to end things, invoking dissatisfaction.

That made a wonderful ending.

“Cushy government job? Who says having friends doesn’t pay.”

Speaking of that...
(about 10:22-12:26)

“She sends me a letter, but not so much that I know where she is all the time. I think she’s enjoying her retirement.”

Her... Twilight years, if you will.

I cleared my throat and glowered at the noble who had spoken before me, Twilight had not lined up an easy debut act for me. “Mister Pants, need I remind you that these concerns come directly from the farmers themselves. It’s all well and good to be playing with their livelihoods from up here in Canterlot, but in matters of fairness, protectionist trade policy should be used as a retaliatory measure. Unless you think that everyone else should bare the cost of rising food prices.”

Bear. Like bearing a weight.

I'm happy but sad at the same time. The story was great and I had fun reading it. But, the ending came out of nowhere in my opinion. I would have liked to see how their date went, or even when she decided that she'd want kids; that must have been something she had on her mind of quite some time. But I think that the ending was still quite good; a little surprising but not bad in anyway.

“I’m an expert at herding pigs. I’ll shepherd you all to the correct decision eventually.”

Oooh! I sense the need for some aloe vera.

I slid the newspaper back across the table, “Why do you think so little of me? I don’t know where you got this bad attitude from.”

“You,” quick as a whip.

Oooh! Yet another burn victim.

This is a great ending to a great story. There was action, humour, generally aIl the other things you'd need for a good story. Don't think I need to say much more.

With your bonus points, I give this story a 13 on the itude meter! This is going in my ATF folder for sure.

Only one question comes to mind.

“I hope you don’t. It sucks.” Twilight looked at me sadly, she knew that my years were numbered unlike hers. I only had so much time to make peace with myself.

So... Is Granny Smith actually a Highlander?

Going back to the topic of Celestia, I am left with some questions I don't expect answers for.

1. Did she have the opportunity to get Gerry's informed consent to be turned into a pony before the window for a permanent physical change closed?
2. How much control did she have over the sex of his new form? Was it random, left up to fate/harmony, influenced by her subconscious, or a deliberate choice on her part?
3. What was the exact idea or suggestion used in the mindmeld spell? Was it about dysphoria, or about rejecting anything that might give him suicidal thoughts, or embracing the identity other ponies wanted 'her' to accept. There are a lot of routes that take us to where the story went, but give him different degrees of autonomy.

I'd like to know. Gerry deserves to know, but no one but Celestia and the author have satisfactory answers to these questions. She destroyed her own credibility with a lack of honesty and openness. Right after saying, “Forgive me. No matter my intention, I should have never forced this on you without your permission.,” she did it again without informing anyone.

Her lack of credibility bleeds over to the other princesses, who may have helped her from behind the scenes. Luna might have ensured Gerry's bad dreams of isolation on the old farm. Cadence might have quietly cast a spell at the gala to magnify feelings of love between Big Mac and Toffee.

This is certainly different from the original story.

lol to the end there.

10454237 the protagonist failed at everything? I know politicians are polyticks but most wouldn’t consider landing a job as a top government official a failure, nor would most people consider raising a good family a failure. Careful with absolutes.

An ending where the protagonist is an absolute failure at everything we were lead to wish him to suceed in is a terrible way to end things, invoking dissatisfaction.

also, who the made you the benchmark for what people’s opinions should be? You don’t like it fair enough.
Also Avengerd Infinity Wars proves you wrong seeing how insanely popular and how highly praised it was. *Movie spoiler warning* Since Thanos won, meaning the Avengers, the protagonists the ones we were led to wish to succeed, failed.

And like I said, your opinion is yours, and if you don’t like the story then fair enough. But pretentious ass about it isn’t gonna do you any good.

I'm extremely disappointed in this last chapter and I feel as though its rushed, not thought out, and plainly bland. So much could have been done and said. No date sequences or emotional baggage or even the inner workings of Toffee any farther then him givingup. I'm sorry but this is a story similar to (This is Love) its completely unfulfilling. Your a good writer and thers no doubt there but I just don't have words for it. This was one of my more favorable stories and I had great respect for it. I'm done now.

Good luck with your other stories.

In order to earn the approval of the once loyal noble families she needed to give them a seat at government decision making – giving birth to what could only be described as a pale imitation of a democracy.

By pale imitation of democracy do you mean a phase of governance which most modern republics have gone through?

As much as I enjoyed this story, it's just... Really rushed with the ending. I could see this being an 'ok' finale if the author was just wanting to abandon the story perhaps? Better this than nothing.

I just keep asking myself what was the actual story arc? There wasn't much in the way of resolution with Celestia, which is fine. The part where Toffee came to terms with the changes she went through, pretty heavily skipped over all things considered.

There's just really nothing to feel satisfied or feel much of anything about in the end.

Why are people so against this twist? Is the idea of a good story with a "bad" ending really that troublesome to them? Does a story need an action packed, deep or justified ending to be satisfactory?

Congratulations on finishing this!

Overall it was a good read. It stayed true to its self the entire time.

Thank you for weighting this.

10450079
This one is going to cover a few of your comments below.

Taking someones body doesn't make them a different person. We aren't our hardware. What we are is the software that runs inside of our heads. Change that software and you change who you are as a person. You said.,

not replace her mind with a set of pre-programmed responses

But that is exactly what she did do. Who we are as a person is based on our past history and memories as well as the positive and negative feedback from the choices we made. All future decisions that we make are based soley on what we learned from the results of previous choices.

Change your memory of the past and you can affect the choices a person makes. For example, changing the memory of the last four times you interacted with a woman, to remember a negative outcome and you affect how you will act when you approach her again.

So in affect Celestia did take her freedom to choose and did preprogram her responses. Or at least she very well could have. Change the software enough and you can effectively kill the personality or soul of a person.

The Monk
“Come into my parlor, Ted. I have cookies!” -Reykan

My review

Finished the story and I have to say that it was very well done. I encourage anyone thinking of giving this story a shot to do so. It is well worth the read. Just either skip the first chapter or trudge through it. Its a mess to be honest, but like I said when I first gave my opinion in the earlier chapters, this does clean up very nice and becomes an engaging and enjoyable read.

As for the ending, Im expecting some flack from the peanut gallery. Modern TV has trained everyone to expect perfect endings with all questions answered and all loose ends tied up in a perfect bow. Which is BS because life doesn't do that. This story plays out like real life and it ends much the same way situations end up in reality as well.

I think its a solid and realistic ending.

Im looking forward to more from this Author.
To alCROWholic well done.

The Monk
“I mean, you just seem to walk in random directions most of the time. How do you ever get to where you're going?" "Oh, that's easy," said Candy with a smile, ”I just make the place I end up, the place I wanted to be all along." There was an extended moment of silence. ”That... that's absolutely brilliant," -Trick Question

Well sucky ending. Celestia doesn't pay for her actions at all. All toffee can do is make a mark to be remembered no actual punishment. This kills the story for me.

10457326
The best form of revenge is a life well lived. Well, that and constantly being reminded of your mistakes

10458129
not enough. frankly the door even remains open for another to do the same to another person. there is no legal consequence to what Celestia has done and that is jsut wrong

10458278
That's one problem this ending poses. What about all the villians who have used mind control? They can't go an call them terrible and break their bictims free without saying that Gerry deserves ti be freed from his curse, and that they shouldn't have ever given up in him. Do the EoH just... let the villians go? Allow them to keep control of their victims?

Plus the idea that Celestia ever did something bad in the first place doesn't match up to their actions. If mind control is bad, then them accepting a MC'd Gerry saying he wants what has been done ti him they are knowingly abandoning a friend. If what was done to Gerry is acceptable, there was no reason ti be his friend or trying to help him instead of just forcing it on him from the start to solve the "problem".

Also, how if Twilight the Princess of Friendship in the ending if she has deliberately abandoned friendship?

10455189
From what I can infer from the comments many of the people reading it seem to have some very rigid and rather black and white morality.

10459193
Some thing can be gray. This cannot.

10459220
This sorta stuff happens in reality all the time though. Not the mind control (duh) but criminal actions not being punished when the criminal is rich/privileged/powerful. America is a good example of this. And this is a fictional story set in mlp where the author is in charge.

So. A fictional story without a happy and justified ending means the entire story is a failure? Yeah Celestia's lack of proper retribution through justice is bad for this particular 'universe', but does that (and what it might imply for their future in this fictional universe) make the story an objectively bad piece of fictional literature? Does the ending mean this particular piece of art is rotten? Because this goes against an ideal world it's just plain bad?

Since when did art have to be 'correct' rather than thought provoking? This story is a great example of what an ideal world shouldn't be like, and we need sadness and anger to fully appreciate happiness and love. Since these negative emotions are provoked from a fictional world and not the real world, it's fine.

I hope the author is able to sift through the hate^TM and continue to write their stories their own way.

10459550
Twilight doesn't even make a law to make it illegal. This is a bad ending for multiple reasons.

Top among them a RUSHED ending. There was alot more to this story but the author skipped it.

The author can do what the want but not free from criticism

Finally finished this and I love it.
The end was abrupt, but in a good way.
The story over all, was fun and a bit mysterious, and you managed to do in this story what some writers (myself included) can't do in 2 books; resolved everything.
Granted, I feel more could have been done, but that's why the story is so good, you did what needed to be done and that was it.

10460284
Alright, you all have your opinions and it is wrong to of me to throw all the criticism under the same banner. I just find the genuine anger and disappointment a bit much myself. I can agree that the ending feels rushed though.

10454840

Also Avengerd Infinity Wars proves you wrong seeing how insanely popular and how highly praised it was. *Movie spoiler warning* Since Thanos won, meaning the Avengers, the protagonists the ones we were led to wish to succeed, failed.

That doesn't really apply here. We knew the sequel will come where Thanos gets his ass handed to him and the snap gets reversed.
Sure, if a sequel comes out where Gerry breaks through the mindfuck and turns back into a human male, then beats Celestia to a bloody pulp, I'll like it. As it stands though, the ending is rushed, protagonist is practically dead, and the villain gets away with it. A firm dislike from me.

10464921
and as i said, that's your opinion, which is fair enough and have no issue with

Man, these last few chapters were painful to read. The story hit the arch where the protagonist reaches their lowest point before finding something to fight for or something that gives them strength and the twist is that Gerry didn't.

Changing my like to a dislike; this is some StarScribe shit right here and heavens know how much of a love/hate relationship I have with their stories.

As soon as I heard "How's the family" I knew the protagonist was well and truly dead. I just can't connect with or sympathize with characters who give up like that. I'd honestly have been a better end if he'd committed suicide, in my opinion.

This is just such an unsatisfying ending. Just, fucking christ, bro.

10459550

A thin line is walked. Perhaps it is thought provoking, but at the end of the day this was entertainment. If the ending was not satisfying or sours the entire work to the audience, it's a bust. For example, the Star Wars fandom doesn't care how much money the Last Jedi made or what expectations were subverted. They didnt like it.

10454840

I know politicians are polyticks but most wouldn’t consider landing a job as a top government official a failure, nor would most people consider raising a good family a failure. Careful with absolutes.

Failure is dependent on the goals. Gerry absolutely failed at everything he set out to do. Not only that but he quit and died as a result.

10471333
Those were in fact goals he set himself, he has gone through radical mental changes yes but suggesting his “self” ceased to exist and was replaced even in a metaphorical sense I can not say is trur

10471708

Based on? No longer worrying about it and his true self being gone are different. Is having a family with Big Mac something that he would have done had his mind not been fundamentally altered by Celestia?

The hero dropped his sword and abandoned the fight and himself. He then took whatever scraps were tossed at him. He failed. The same way the Duke and the Dragonforged from Dragon's Dogma failed.

10471827
He changed, forced and extremely invasively and change by a great degree yes, but still only change. The same thing happens to a lesser degree by just conversation alone, every time someone is convinced of believing differently by either a compelling argument or new information they have changed. Who you were when you were 10 will be very different from who you will be when you are 70. The only significant difference between what he went through and examples you see in real life was the extreme invasiveness of what celestia. And we have seen extreme personality changes happen in real life too, usually from traumatic events. And dropping the sword for a pen does not mean the fight had ended, only how it is fought

10471907

So you agree that he was nearly instantly and invasively changed. Extremely so. So much that he can be argued to not be the same character. Aka, Gerry is dead. Toffee grew from his ashes.

Keyword is fighting. Gerry isn't fighting anymore. He lost/quit, and is, at best simply sticking his tongue out at his old tormentor of a cheap little fuck you. It's like when some quits at pick up football because they were trash then starts talking shit from the sidelines.

Gerry is a contemptible character. A coward and a loser let it all go.

Definitely not a fan of the ending but it was a good run.

One thing that I can't stop wondering whenever I see this story pop up somewhere on the site, is why end it like that? It just... treating the ending as q good thing and that he lives happily ever after requires pretending that all the horrible things done to him were actually good. It feels like the ending is pretending to be something its not, like a horse with stripes painted on it being called a zebra.

Would be a really interesting story to read if it has better writting stlye.

As it is now. The author intended to explaining stuffs though dialogues as much as possible with expositions on minimum.

It would be good way to write if the sentences that used to construct dialogues are beautifully made and not like something out of weather news teleprompt.

This story hurt. Mostly because I've been reading a lot of human male->mare stories. This just unapologetic deconstructed the genre. This is how it would actually go down. Which of course, I know. I've kept that in the back of my mind. But seeing it slowly drawn out like this bit by bit was a splash of cold water.

Honestly it kind of makes it hard to go back to mindlessly reading the other ones. But in a good way?

The farmers aren’t happy with being represented by nobles all the time, and I’m inclined to agree.

11746882
Not a spoiler honestly i was both theorizing and venting sorry if i confused you

11434792
More likely this is how it'd go for you! Not for everyone, though.